Archive - 5 a.m. Stories

They Picked the Wrong News Cycle

If you want to go out with some fanfare, here are a few pro tips...

Jun 14 • Robert Basler

Throwback Thursday: Look! Up in the Sky!

“He is knocking all the records silly!"

Jun 11 • Robert Basler

Can Thee Come to the Witch-Burning?

Like I just stepped off the Mayflower, with a big buckle on my hat...

Jun 7 • Robert Basler

Throwback Thursday: Where's the Beef?

Stranded in the Strand...

Jun 4 • Robert Basler

May 2026

My "Cornstitutional" Right to Free Speech...

I tracked down the world’s foremost authority on dad jokes...

May 31 • Robert Basler

Throwback Thursday: Getting the hell out of Dodge

I will spend the rest of my life slurping congee from a cracked bowl in a secret prison...

May 28 • Robert Basler

Adventures of a Substack Lounge Lizard

Can you have as many drinks as you want?

May 24 • Robert Basler

Throwback Thursday: The Baroness, in a Rerun

Some of you probably weren’t even born yet...

May 21 • Robert Basler

A Bumpy Path to Charity...

It's like getting two whole novels!

May 20 • Robert Basler

Wahoo, or Taboo? Wife Goes Bananas, Hubby Loses A-Peel!

Hey, you gonna eat that pickle?

May 17 • Robert Basler

Throwback Thursday: Primrose, Where Life's a Holiday

Number one on the list for three years...

May 14 • Robert Basler

Wordsmith Wednesday: Carrots, Carats, Karats!

Language stuff hardly anybody knows...

May 13 • Robert Basler