When discussing America’s upcoming elections, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “vote like humanity depends on it.” You probably encountered the same phrase back in 2020 and 2024. It wasn’t hyperbole then. The difference this time is simple: 2026 may be our last chance.

Tech oligarchs are spending hundreds of millions of dollars to influence our elections. They are buying an army of politicians to fight any and all regulations governing the development of AI and the construction of data centers. They want to own the future. Think that’s bad? It gets worse. The future they envision does not have us in it.

Americans don’t ask much of our political and economic leaders these days. We have pedophiles running companies and hedge funds. Felons in the Oval Office. Fox News hosts directing the military. And yet there’s one assumption we continue make: that those in charge are pro-human. I’m increasingly convinced that the biggest names in tech are neither sane nor particularly interested in saving our species. The future of our world is in some extremely dangerous hands.

Let’s start with a simple question. Say you develop a revolutionary new technology. Would you use it to . . .

A. Replace human workers to boost corporate profits

B. Drain aquifers, pollute the environment, accelerate climate change, hike electric bills

C. Risk destroying the whole fucking world

D. Prioritize making life better, safer and easier for humans

Any sane person knows the right answer is D. So why the hell are our tech overlords gleefully focused on A, B and C? Why are these guys happy to put millions of people out of work? Why do they show no concern whatsoever for the environment? Why are they willing to risk the destruction of the human race?

Here’s the absolutely bat-shit answer. Tech oligarchs including Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, Mark Andreessen, Sam Altman, and Larry Page have all bought into a future in which human consciousness can be digitized AND/OR the next big evolutionary step will arrive when humans are replaced by digital intelligence.

In other words, these guys believe that in the future, the tech they’re creating now will inherit the earth—and they hope to be able to upload their consciousness and live forever. (They’re obsessed with immortality.) If the idea of merging with machines appeals to you personally, think again. The only brains the tech guys believe are worth saving belong to people like them (white, rich and weird).

Do these men consider themselves gods? They certainly believe they’ve harnessed the power of creation. (Which may explain some of their disdain for women and artists.) As OpenAI CEO Sam Altman has put it, we “will be the first species ever to design our own descendants.” To do so, they have harvested the best humans have to offer and fed it to their offspring. Their machine babies have gobbled up our novels, our jazz classics, and our wittiest Instagram posts. Now that they’ve stolen everything of value, the tech bros don’t give a fuck about the future of humanity. In fact, they’ve taken to describing human brains as “meat computers.”

Yes, I know this all sounds crazy. IT IS CRAZY. This is what happens to people with unlimited wealth who never hear the word no. People who never have to buy groceries, ride the subway, or pay taxes. People who never speak to ordinary people who aren’t in their employ as maids or chauffeurs. People whose every whim is indulged and every insane theory applauded.

For all intents and purposes, these guys have ceased to resemble the rest of us. No wonder they make little effort to hide their disdain for humans. Watch Peter Thiel, founder of Palantir, the company creating our surveillance state, struggle to respond when asked if humanity should survive. Gee, how convincing!

The Guardian has an excellent article on all of this. In it, Google’s Larry Page is quoted arguing that digital life is the “natural and desirable next step.” He’s also convinced that, “If we let digital minds be free rather than try to stop or enslave them, the outcome is almost certain to be good.” WTF? Sci-fi writers and filmmakers have spent the last century warning about exactly this kind of shit, and Larry clearly learned nothing.

There’s so much more out there to horrify anyone who falls down this particular rabbit hole. For the moment I’ll leave you with this sobering thought from Emile Torres:

“Right now, with their billions and trillions of dollars, [our tech leaders] are trying to create a new world run by post-humans without ever having inquired about the opinions and preferences of the rest of humanity. They’re doing this without our consent, and they don’t really care one bit about what the rest of us have to say.

They believe in their vision, and they’re going to try to bring it about regardless. They truly believe that this is the right thing to be doing. There is zero input from the rest of humanity about what our collective human future ought to look like. You could describe this as profoundly coercive.”

Exactly. Now go out and VOTE LIKE HUMANITY DEPENDS ON IT.

(One silver lining of our new era: my shitty proofreading is evidence AI doesn’t write these posts.)

Subscribe now

This one’s for all the heterosexual men out there. We’re going to a very dark place today. Gird your loins.

This was a shitty week for women who like men. I count myself among them. The idea that all feminists hate men is ridiculous. A few do (often for good reason). Most don’t. I’m fortunate to have had many exemplary men in my life, starting with my father, the greatest man who ever lived. (Don’t bother arguing. I will fight you.)

I really want to like the rest of you. I would love to live in a world in which everyone found their someone and lived happily ever after. And I honestly DGAF what “happily ever after” looks like for you. You want a lots of babies and homemade bread? There are plenty of women who are down for that. You want a woman who can bench press 200 and KO an ox? A partner who brings home the bacon and lets you fry it up in a pan? They’re out there. Thousands upon thousands of them. I promise.

Men—like women—are not a homogenous group. It’s fucking ridiculous to talk about “all men.” I get why that pisses you off. But here’s the problem: WOMEN DON’T KNOW WHO’S WHO. There is no way to look at a man and tell if he’s friend or foe.

There were (at least) three stories in the news this week that illustrate this conundrum and will explain why women ALWAYS CHOOSE THE FUCKING BEAR.

Two congressmen—one democrat and one republican—resigned over sexual assault accusations and/or abusive behavior that was apparently an open secret in Washington DC. The only people kept in the dark were voters and the women who became their prey. We’ll return to this in a moment.

CNN investigated a site visited by 62 MILLION MEN that functions as a “rape academy.” There, men learn which drugs can be used to sedate their wives. While the women are unconscious, their husbands rape them. Videos are often posted or live streamed on the site, where other men can pay to watch. Gisele Pelicot was the tip of the iceberg.

The New York Times ran a story about a phenomenon well known to the hiking and mountaineering community. A couple goes for a trek. The woman is injured and her partner abandons her—sometimes leaving her to die. (Occasionally, he kills her himself.) It’s so common there’s a fucking name for it. Alpine divorce.

Eric Swalwell always gave me the ick. But those last two really got to me.

I have a seventeen-year-old daughter. She already knows she can’t walk through a dark parking lot, accept an open drink from anyone with a penis, or jog with headphones. I guess we can add work for a congressman, get married, or go for a hike now. Is that right? Are you starting to understand why women are so fucking furious?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re one of the good guys. Yes, I’m sure you are. Despite stories like these, I truly believe the vast majority of men are not out to get us. But I’m afraid, going forward, you’ll have to prove it.

If that makes you angry, great. Focus that anger on your real enemies. A small percentage of the male population is making the rest of you look like shit. IT’S THEIR FAULT. Women have nothing to do with it.

So let’s go back to the “whisper networks” that allowed two predatory congressmen to flourish. The first thing we need to do is get rid of “open secrets.” Women don’t always know which men are dangerous. BUT YOU DO. Don’t you? You know what other men say when we’re not around. You know where they go online. Take a moment to think through your friends/relatives/colleagues. You probably have a good idea which ones are toxic. You want to be a good guy? Tell us.

1. Do not let bad behavior fly. Call it out. Teach your sons to do the same.

2. Warn women away from bad men.

3. Have our backs when something happens.

4. Treat men who abuse women as your personal enemies. Because they are.

You want the bear talk to stop? This is where to start. Do it for women. Do it for men. Do it for yourself and your kids. This shit needs to end now.

Subscribe now

The day before the 2024 presidential election, I found a dead bird on my stoop. The perfectly preserved specimen appeared to have fallen right out of the sky. You don’t need to write or read books about witches to know that’s a bad fucking omen right there.

I’m always looking out for signs from the universe. Do I sometimes find meaning in the meaningless? Maybe. Do I misinterpret a lot of shit? Yeah, probably. But occasionally, I’ll come across a sign so clear it’s unmistakable. I’ve encountered three in the past week alone.

I just returned from a weeklong trip to Idaho during which I drove almost 700 miles. (Quick sidenote: If you have a chance to visit Idaho, go! You might think it’s all potato farms, but it’s really the gorgeous love child of Iceland and Colorado. I give it five gold spuds.) I spent most of my time off the interstate, on roads that traveled through tiny towns and farming communities. Over the course of the journey I saw ZERO Trump signs, bumper stickers, MAGA merch or flags. It was like Sarah Connor had traveled back to June 14, 1946 and spared the world a shitload of misery.

THIS WAS THE FIRST UNMISTAKABLE SIGN: Spotting no signs on an 700 mile road trip. Over 66% of Idahoans voted for Trump in 2024. A year and a half later, you’ll see no evidence of that enthusiasm.

THE SECOND UNMISTAKABLE SIGN arrived today. Viktor Orban conceded defeat in Hungary’s national election. It was less of a loss than an absolute trouncing. Orban will leave the role of Prime Minister, while the opposition party takes two-thirds of the seats in Hungary’s parliament.

Why is Orban’s loss such a good omen? His government has long been the stuff of authoritarian wet dreams. He seized control of the media, packed the courts, denied universities autonomy, and dismantled LGBTQ rights. His biggest fans include Putin, Trump, Musk, and Thiel. You may have heard that JD “Kiss of Death” Vance was in Hungary last week to proclaim the Trump administration’s support for Orban. Hahaha. Lotta good that did. Everyone in the whole world hates that faux hillbilly.

This is all to say, I feel the tide turning. Do you? That doesn’t mean we’re out of danger—far from it. But as a regular lurker on conservative subreddits, I see former Trump supporters turning on this administration. Yes, they should have known. Yes, many are assholes. But don’t turn them away. We need them to give the GOP the ass whooping it deserves come November. Only an Orban-level defeat can overcome election interference.

Maybe I’m wrong about these first two signs. If so, I have UNMISTAKABLE SIGN NUMBER THREE to fall back on. Turns out I may have been a Canadian my entire life! (That’s how Google’s AI put it. Lol) My grandmother was a Canadian citizen before moving to the US. Apparently, she bestowed the gift of Canadian citizenship upon me. So I can get the fuck out Dodge if I need to. Joking. I’m a fighter, not a flee-er. But now that I might be a Canadian, I suppose I should try to be nicer going forward.

Subscribe now

Let’s talk traitors. Judas, Brutus, Fredo Corleone. These names will always be synonymous with treachery. At some point, we’ve all been betrayed by someone we thought we could trust. That’s why there’s nothing more satisfying than watching a backstabbing rat get their just deserts. Dante sentenced them to eternity in the deepest part of hell. Tony Soprano dumped their corpses off coast of New Jersey.

It’s time to add another name to our list of traitors. Pam Fucking Bondi. Pam Bondi is a traitor to women and girls. She and Ghislaine Maxwell deserve eternal infamy for their crimes. Maxwell lured girls into Epstein’s web by offering them a false sense of security. Bondi did everything in her power to ensure the abusers were able to act with impunity. They both deserve to rot in hell.

As Attorney General of the United States, Pam Bondi had access to the full, unredacted Epstein files—the pictures, videos, and victim statements—for well over a year. This woman saw horrific evidence of girls being abused and assaulted. And she didn’t just turn away—she HID THE EVIDENCE for her own political gain.

Let’s be blunt. Pam Bondi knows which wealthy men raped girls. She also knows the extent of the president’s involvement. Until yesterday, Bondi was the top law enforcement official in this country. She was entrusted with a sacred duty: to seek justice for all who’ve been injured. Instead, she let pedophiles and rapists remain free.

I want you to ask yourself this question: Who does something like that? It’s such a simple question that we often don’t bother to ask. But think about it. What kind of person covers up the sexual abuse of young girls? Whatever term you choose: monster, sociopath, evil fucking bitch, I hope we can all agree Pam Bondi should never have another moment of peace. She should be heckled at the airport, denied service at restaurants, and publicly shamed anytime she steps out her front door.

Bondi has more than pedophiles to answer for, of course. Her list of crimes is long. The damage she inflicted on the Department of Justice may take a generation or more to repair. And she did it all to please a man who showed her no loyalty in the end. Now, Bondi has her friends talking to the New York Times about how much it hurts that she was that she wasn’t allowed a more graceful exit.

I have a message for Pam Bondi: Your suffering has just begun. You think Trump will pardon you for your crimes? Hahaha. One day soon, your ass is going to jail.

Subscribe now

Donald Trump feeds on chaos and controversy. He doesn’t give a rat’s ass if Americans die or children suffer or the US becomes a global pariah. The only thing capable of reining him in is the stock market. We’ve seen it time and time again: the president does something insane/idiotic and the stock market responds. Most recently it was threatening to invade Greenland. The market dipped—and he chickened out.

The market is the only measure Trump cares about. He can point to it and claim the economy is booming, even if ordinary Americans beg (and scream) to differ. These days, the market is being driven by a handful of tech companies who’ve sold the world on what they call artificial intelligence. This “AI boom” is propping up the Trump administration.

Many say the boom is a bubble. There’s good reason to think so. But I’d argue with anyone who calls it irrational. The players who’ve kept AI stocks soaring know exactly what they’re doing. AI is booming because the Trump administration is letting tech companies strip mine this country.

Here’s the deal: the tech companies prop up Trump. In return, Trump gives them what no sane president ever would. When Trump TACOs, it’s because the both sides know that the only thing that can bring their unholy alliance to an end is an economic crash.

SO WHAT DOES TRUMP GET OUT OF THE DEAL?

Even when Trump was working with a full deck, he was a simple guy. He wants to line his pockets. He wants to punish his enemies. And he wants to stay in power. That’s it. He’s loyal to no one. He embraces no ideology. He’s after:

Money

Gaudy Gold Shit

Political Donations

A Means of Staying in Power and Out of Jail

WHAT DO THE TECH COMPANIES GET?

As long as Trump gets what he wants, he doesn’t GAF about anything else. He’s not even capable of paying attention. That’s why tech billionaires like Musk, Thiel and Andreessen shelled out big bucks to get him elected—and why Thiel made sure his protégé, JD Vance, was ensconced in the #2 spot. Then Elon’s DOGE cleaned house in our government agencies, ensuring the realm’s watchdogs were gone.

They infiltrated the White House using Trump as a Trojan horse. They let him stay because he remains useful. He keeps the world distracted by threatening Greenland or letting Stephen Miller live out his Nazi fantasies. Meanwhile, the tech billionaires are quietly working behind the scenes. Trump may be picking our pockets to the tune of 4 billion dollars, but they’ve set their sights even higher. They’re after:

OUR MONEY: Everyone knows tech companies receive billions of taxpayer dollars each year in the form of government contracts and/or subsidies. Now, thanks to Trump’s “America’s AI Action Plan,” AI companies are getting even more of our money than ever. Money they don’t even need! Yes, while you struggle to pay for health insurance, your tax dollars are being funneled to the richest companies in the world.

OUR NATURAL RESOURCES: AI data centers need land, power, and water. I’m sure you’ve heard how much water is required for a single AI search. Now that the EPA is effectively gone, the Trump administration has relaxed environmental regulations, allowing tech companies to pollute our groundwater, air, and soil. Want to see what could be coming to your community? Read up on what Musk’s xAI is doing to Memphis.

OUR SAFETY: You’ll get a kick out of this: the Trump administration recently relaxed regulations for new nuclear reactors. Yep, they slashed safety requirements and raised the amount of radiation workers can be exposed to before an investigation is triggered. Tech giants like Amazon, Google and Meta “want the reactors to one day supply cheap, reliable power for artificial intelligence.” These same companies helped develop the new rules. The rest of us? We weren’t even supposed to know about them.

OUR FREEDOM: US tech companies are enabling/building a surveillance state to rival China’s. This is no exaggeration. Read up on the database Palantir has developed for ICE. It’s some Philip K. Dick shit. And where are they pulling the data they’re using to track us? From all those devices and apps that were meant to make our lives so much easier. They use social media data, for example, to find out where you are, where you’ve been, who you associate with, and how you feel about Heated Rivalry. But you’re a law abiding citizen! You sure that matters anymore? Ask yourself the next time you attend a protest.

AND THEY WILL ACCEPT NO OVERSIGHT: In December, Trump signed an executive order that seeks to prevent individual states from enacting regulations that tech companies deem “burdensome” to the development of AI. In other words, a technology that even its proponents admit may have apocalyptic consequences for the entire human race may soon only be regulated by the federal government the tech companies already control. Sit back and have a think about that one.

SO . . . WHO’S “THE DEVIL” IN THIS SCENARIO?

The headline references “Deals with the Devil.” So who’s the devil? Hmmm. Well, I think it’s safe to say that the devil would be the sort of guy who’d have no problem associating with known pedophiles—or begging to attend their “wildest” parties. He might be the kind of dude who would develop tools that let perverts sexually harass women or create their own bespoke CSAM. He’d show a lack of interest in the future of humanity. Promote technology he knows full well could destroy humankind. He’d show wanton disregard for the environment. And women—or anyone who isn’t a rich white dude. Who knows? Maybe he’d even go around the world giving lectures on the Antichrist—and pointing the finger at (wait for it) Greta fucking Thunberg. (Every accusation is a confession, amiright?) And I bet if the devil were stomping around here on earth, he’d definitely have a super-secret compound in which he could relax in comfort when his work is done and enjoy watching the world burn.

Subscribe now

This month, we have watched graphic videos in which masked ICE officers murder innocent people. Both Renee Good and Alex Pretti were American citizens exercising rights protected by the US Constitution for 238 years.

Daycares are being raided. Five-year-old kids have been taken by men with guns. A disabled woman driving to a doctor appointment was stopped by ICE and dragged from her car. ICE officers have repeatedly gassed and beaten protestors in violation of law and court order. God only knows what they’ve done when there were no cameras around to record them.

I keep hearing talk of civil war, but that’s bullshit. Only one side in this fight has the right to call themselves Americans.

The Minnesotans documenting ICE’s rampage through the city of Minneapolis are the best of America. They are heroes, every one of them. These people are literally risking their lives to protect their neighbors and defend their country. It was -200000 degrees in Minneapolis yesterday, and they were out marching in the streets. I look at the people of Minnesota and I see the America we always aspired to be: courageous, righteous, proud. It’s an America a lot of us feared we’d lost. I am so goddamned grateful to you all.

Can you imagine what would be happening in Minneapolis without them?

These American heroes are up against an invading army of poorly vetted, undertrained goons who’ve been given free rein to terrorize immigrants and citizens—but don’t have the guts to show their fucking faces. Their presence on our streets, the masks on their faces, the depravity of their actions—there is nothing remotely American about any of it. Yet they have the unmitigated gall to fly our flag.

And when they murder one of us, their bosses stand in front of television cameras and lie to the world. Lies so obvious, so easily disproven, that it’s clear they have no respect whatsoever for the American people. There’s no accountability. No professionalism. No shame.

Here’s what the Department of Homeland Security posted in the aftermath of Alex Pretti’s murder. See if you can find a single shred of truth in it. This is official communication from the US government, and it contains nothing but lies.

So it’s time to ask yourself: what kind of American are you? Unlike Jesse Plemons’ character in the meme up top, nobody cares about your political affiliation. That shit makes no difference. Are you one of the people defending this country—or are you with the impostors trying to tear it apart?

If you are a real American, it is your duty to speak out. Now. Make your voice heard. Shout as loud as you can. No one’s asking you to put your life on the line—or march in arctic temperatures. Yet. If you start shouting now, you might never have to.

Subscribe now

For a couple of years, I flew every week for work. I’d never been a nervous flier, but spending that amount of time in the air felt like pushing my luck. (As you may have guessed, I’ve never been a mathematician, either.) I tried lots of different coping mechanisms (okay, Xanax) until I finally found one that worked. Instead of listening for unusual sounds or attempting to diagnose every dip in altitude, I outsourced my vigilance to the flight attendants. I would watch them, and if they panicked, I’d panic. Until then, I’d sit back and enjoy the flight.

It made sense. Flight attendants have access to information that the rest of us don’t. They’ve logged more hours in the air than any diamond platinum frequent flier. They know which bumps and clicks are normal, and which should make your sphincter tighten. If the plane is headed for a crash, you can be absolutely, 100% confident they’ll let you know.

You—the reporters, editors, and HEADLINE WRITERS of our nation’s media outlets—you are America’s flight attendants. We all have jobs that need to be done. While the rest of us are out building shit or cleaning toilets or writing books about witches, it’s your job to keep your eyes open and let us know what’s going on. You have access to information we don’t. So we trust you to tell us when it’s time to panic. You failed in 2024 to make it clear to Americans how unbelievably disastrous a second Trump administration would be. And you are letting us all down once again.

America is about to crash into a mountain. Our leader has lost his fucking mind. Every single one of you knows this is fact, not opinion. An honest analysis of any of his recent speeches or posts would lead to this conclusion. It would take all afternoon to list the irreparable damage Trump is inflicting on this country. So let’s focus for now on Greenland.

If the United States invades Greenland, it will destroy us. Yes, at one point a long time ago, we all wrote it off as a joke. An impossibility. It is very, very clear now that the president is serious. IT IS YOUR JOB to tell everyone in this country what will happen if Trump orders an invasion. The US will instantly become a pariah state. Like Iran. Or North Korea. Our allies will become our enemies. (There goes that dream trip to Paris, Jess. And those distant cousins in Ireland probably won’t be so happy to see you at the pub, Kev.) Treaties that have kept us safe for 75 years will go up in smoke. We will all suffer unimaginable economic harm. And that’s just the beginning.

THREATENING GREENLAND IS PROOF OF INSANITY. There it is. You don’t need any more evidence. None. Our mad king is on the verge of destroying us

But when I peruse the front page of the New York Times, I get no sense of this. Yes, some opinion writers are sounding the alarm in smaller point font. But the news headlines? They feel like business as usual. As the number of dependable news outlets continues to dwindle (so long WaPo and CBS), we need you to step the fuck up. (Yes, my progressive friends, I’m aware the NYT has always had issues.) Instead, the Times is quickly becoming the Chuck Schumer of media outlets—out of touch and spinless.

If it feels like I’m picking on the Times, I am. Because where the hell is everyone else? Who out there (aside from Substack) is figuring out how to get accurate information to average Americans? You all act like Rupert Murdoch is some kind of wizard. Want to know the trick? MAKE NEWS ENTERTAINING. There, I solved the problem. Oh, and I hear people love conspiracy theories. There’s real shit going on right now that makes QANON sound like Sesame Street.

I’ll end with this: If this country is going to survive, we need a large percentage of Americans to get up and out like the people of Minneapolis. (Proud of you guys!) The role of the media is to tell just how dangerous the situation has become. DO YOUR JOB!

This morning I read Michelle Goldberg’s latest piece in the Times, “The Right is Furious with Liberal White Women.” (Hahahaha.) Apparently, they refer to us as AWFLs (Affluent White Female Liberals). Get me that t-shirt, stat! As I was scrolling through the comments, I came across this from a gentleman in CT, regarding the murder of Renee Good:

I read riffs on this same sentiment countless times a day. Lefties of one sort or another lamenting the fact that a percentage of their fellow Americans either condone or actively support the horrific shit we’re now seeing on a daily basis.

I’d like to point something out:

30% is a minority.

70% is a very large majority. In fact, it is what’s known as a “supermajority.”

A two-thirds supermajority in Congress can override presidential vetoes and propose amendments to the Constitution. If you have a 70% supermajority, you get BIG IMPORTANT stuff done. You DO NOT spend your time worrying or whining about the other 30%.

My friends, I ask you: WHY, WHY, WHY do we keep talking about these fuckwits?

Some people are stupid. Some people are shitty human beings. Anyone who didn’t figure this out by the second grade belongs in that first group. There is no argument we can make that will change these people’s minds or behavior. None. There is no video we can show them that will inspire them to see the error of their ways. None. Accept that fact. Now, move on.

Having observed my fellow human beings for over half a century, I have come to believe in the 30-40-30 rule. It is utterly unscientific and yet, (I feel), absolutely indisputable. Here’s how it goes. I believe roughly 30% of humans are terrible, for one reason or another. 30% are fucking great. And the remaining 40% are just meh.

If you accept the 30-40-30 rule, that means most of the good and meh people are already in wild agreement when it comes to the murder of Renee Good and other issues (like Greenland and the government guaranteeing health care). It should be obvious to all that it’s time to get to work. But instead of focusing on this fact, we insist on shining a spotlight on the same small group of people who will never change their minds.

I understand how we all fall into this mode of thinking. Negative framing is almost impossible to escape. For example, I’m sure you’ve heard that (as of 1-16-26) Trump has a 42% average approval rating. We can sit here and feel terrible about that 42%. We can pen countless hand-wringing thought pieces on how that number should be lower. Or we could focus on the 58% OF AMERICANS WHO DISAPPROVE. FFS, can we all get a grip?

You know who would never waste their time worrying about the hearts and minds of a minority of Americans? The GOP and the current administration.

Every chance we get, we need to remind America that WE ARE THE MAJORITY. If there is a fight, we will win it. When the next election comes, we will kick ass. And for God’s sake, stop saying, “they’ll get away with it.” From now on, with every post, every comment, every conversation, tell them we’ll make sure that they won’t.

That “immunity” the ICE agents think they have? Gone. The wide-scale corruption? Prosecuted. Greenland? Returned. The ballroom? Demolished. Those who think they’re untouchable? LOL. I want to hear more people and politicians talking about what’s going to happen when the REAL moral majority takes America back.

Subscribe now

Now that it’s just us witches, I can be my authentic foul-mouthed self. Whew. In case you hadn’t noticed, I took a little break from substack. I could tell you I was working on other projects—and I was. But the truth is, I was burned out. It’s not good for one’s mental or physical health to be so fucking mad about so many things. But I would have continued tossing out rage grenades if not for one thing—my growing conviction it was counterproductive.

It’s true I write angry books. But whenever I describe my particular brand of anger, I always reference the Beyonce video above. Bey’s busting out windows with a baseball bat, and she’s loving every damn second of it. It’s rage, joy, and catharsis all rolled into one glorious, Cavalli-clad package. I think (I hope!) this feeling comes through in my books. But the joy was missing from my previous substack posts.

I BELIEVE JOY CAN SAVE THIS COUNTRY.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still angry AF. How could you not be angry? I started to make a list of all the shit that sets my hair on fire. (Americans going hungry, cowards wearing masks, the east wing reduced to rubble, the ridiculous overuse of gold leaf . . .) But I doubt you need to be reminded of any of this. So instead, I’m going to list the things that have (finally) given me hope:

Image Abigail Dollins, Statesman Journal, borrowed from USA Today

1. The Portland Frogs (and unicorns, dinosaurs, and raccoons). If the forces of good prevail, the image of these costume-clad figures dancing in the face of fascism will end up in the history books. How do you fight a fucking frog? These amphibians may have exposed the authoritarian’s Achilles’ heel.

2. The No Kings Marches. If you joined one, you know these were joyous affairs. Not only was it a show of strength and numbers, it was a reminder that this country is filled with good people who want to save it. We need more events like these.

3. The Witchy Women of America. I spent the month of October traveling the country to launch my new book. At each stop, I found myself in a room with dozens of women who wanted to talk about witches. And it felt AMAZING. Seriously—it was better than therapy. We have so much power, ladies. It’s time to get together and use it. Start your own covens and kick some ass.

4. The 2025 Elections and the Campaign of Zohran Mamdani. If we can maintain this momentum, we will wipe the floor with the opposition in 2026. And in 2028, we will come together as Americans, and with our own hands, tear down the gaudy monstrosity that’s about to be built on the site of the East Wing. (At least that’s my personal fantasy.)

OKAY, LET’S TALK ZOHRAN

Oh boy does he have a lot of work to do. We’ll check back in mid-2026 to see how how it’s going. For now, let’s talk about his indisputably impressive campaign.

So much has been made of Zohran being a Democratic Socialist. Let’s be honest—only ten people in this country actually know what that is. The label may have helped him with some and hurt him with others. But it certainly wasn’t the secret of his success. Here’s why Zohran won:

He isn’t establishment. If there is one thing everyone in this country can agree on, it’s that our government is fucking broken. That’s why people have been voting for “outsider” candidates for the past forty-five years. This includes Mamdani, Trump, Reagan, Clinton (Bill, not Hillary), Sanders, and Obama. You could even make a strong case for W. Which makes you wonder why some in the Democratic party thought it wise to back ANDREW FUCKING CUOMO.

Reporters have been writing about the bizarre phenomenon of Bernie – Trump voters for over a decade. Now they’re talking about Trump – Mamdani voters with the same wide-eyed wonder. FFS, it’s no mystery. People are desperate for change, and they’re voting for candidates who challenge the status quo.

He isn’t 100 years old. How many disasters have befallen us because ancient Democrats have refused to pass the torch to the next generation. We need term limits, age limits, and new leadership. Chuck Schumer is the poster boy for everything wrong with the party. He should resign immediately.

Mamdani isn’t interested in browbeating. Lesson to all of us on the left: You can be on the right side without being insufferably righteous. Lead with actions, not with lecturing. If we want to win elections, we need to focus on the things that bring us together.

He made masterful use of the modern media environment. Everything about the Mamdani campaign was perfection—from the graphic design to social media. Why? Because he wasn’t an establishment candidate working with establishment consultants and establishment ad agencies that are going to do the same tired bullshit they’ve been doing for the past forty years.

He gave billionaires the finger. (I’d like to add a personal fuck you to cartoon villain and tennis loser Bill Ackman.) Over 26 billionaires gave more than $100K to elect Andrew Cuomo—a man who spent over $60 million of OUR MONEY to defend himself from sexual harassment claims. Very disappointed in you, Michael Bloomberg.

Mamdani exudes hope and joy. Watch his election night speech. He goes after Trump and the others with a baseball bat—and he clearly enjoys every second of it. Anger gets people fired up. But joy will make them want to join you—and hope convinces them their efforts won’t be in vain. All three are necessary.

He got people out of the house and showed them a good time. (This was one of the secrets of Trump’s success, too.) According to the NYT, he may even have found the cure for Gen Z loneliness. I think we could ALL use more togetherness.

SO WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN FOR 2026

1. We’ve had enough time to recover. It’s time to get up and get to work.

2. Form your own coven. It’s much more fun to fight beside friends.

3. Choose your battle. Do not try to fight on multiple fronts. (I think this will be the subject of my next post.)

4. Assume all pessimists are bots or trolls. Shun phrases like “they’ll get away with it” and “nothing will change.” Words have power. Saying this shit makes it possible.

5. Mix rage, hope and joy into everything you do.

That last point will guide this newsletter from here on out. Yeah, I’m angry as hell. But stick with me. We’re gonna have fun.