Yeah that’s me pretty much every day. Welcome, Moms and Meme Lovers, and a belated Happy Father’s Day to all my Dad readers! We are now officially in Summer, so happy Summer as well! Let’s dive in to this week’s treasure trove of laughs and encouragement and we can start this week out on the right foot. Make sure you’ve got your browser or the Substack app open so you don’t miss a meme. All these are sourced from various Instagram and Facebook accounts. Here we go!

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

That’s it for this week, folks! If you enjoyed the memes, why not like and subscribe (or better yet, upgrade to paid for only $5 a month)? That way you don’t miss a single meme (always on Mondays, and sometimes extra drops on special occasions) and you’ll also get to read about the sweetest 3-year-old with Down Syndrome, Betsy. Lots of other ways to connect and show support—check out my music, my merch shop, and my YouTube channel. See you later this week with my Betsy post, and thank you for memeing with me!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Today I want to do a Glimmer List post that’s specifically about having a kid with Trisomy 21. There’s been so much negative stuff floating around about it lately, and I’m here to counteract it once again. If you’ve never read any of my Glimmer List posts (I think I’ve only done two so far, but I want to start doing them fairly regularly), check out my first one here:

So without further ado, here’s some of my favorite things about raising a kid with Down Syndrome:

People with Down Syndrome have a reputation for always being happy. This isn’t necessarily a fair stereotype—I’ll be the first to tell you, my Betsy is NOT happy all the time—but her happiness levels are definitely well above average. She (usually) even wakes up happy, which is not a thing she gets from me! She is super easily amused and has the absolute best laugh in the world, along with the sweetest smile. Her little squeals of joy will have you grinning ear to ear, and the way she claps and waves her hands in the air when she is excited is just precious. Her happiness is magnetic and contagious, and I don’t take for granted how fortunate I am to get to be around her. Now it is rather difficult to get photos of her smiling, simply because she won’t sit still (and she also tries to slap the phone out of my hand), but when I do manage, I definitely want to share them with you guys! Here’s a few I took today after she finished lunch.

Being around this level of joy on the regular will definitely have an effect on a person.

Having to slow down. I think we can all agree, life moves way too fast. This girl simply doesn’t vibe with that. She is not to be rushed. I’m forced (reluctantly at first, until I catch on) to slow down to accommodate her, and I can’t be mad about it. She’s right. Slower is better. Not rushing is a slight rush itself, really. It’s so satisfying to just be in the moment, and sometimes even more so when I have a zillion things to do—kinda like giving the middle finger to all those zillion things, as if to say, “chill, we’ll get to you eventually.” There is so much wisdom in refusing to give in to the world’s imposed urgency.

Appreciating the ordinary. Certain milestones and everyday occurrences are just more difficult for kids with Down Syndrome, and when Betsy is suddenly able to do something new, or does something that she has a hard time with, it is all kinds of exciting. Low muscle tone is part of the DS life, and it shows up in places you don’t expect; for instance, I just sent my mom a text about Betsy that said, “Hooray for the giant poop she just took!” Constipation can sometimes be a real problem, to the point that I am now completely unbothered by poopy diapers—nay, I actually sometimes celebrate them. I never in a million years thought that would be a thing, but here we are! Betsy is still mostly non-verbal, and when she does actually say a word or two, it is the coolest thing ever. She’s three and a half, and we’re still getting to enjoy the newness of her talking (even though she is rather vocal, whether she’s saying words or not). Last night she was imitating her dad while he was talking to her, and I know he loved it. Even little things like her waving at somebody, or grooving along to music, or learning a new animal sound, they all just bring a little poof of joy and pride.

The best cuddles in the world. Betsy is a natural born snuggler, a true cuddle bug. Her hugs will make your heart melt and immediately lower your stress levels. And when she actively reaches for you, it is the best feeling.

All that she’s teaching me. I had no idea just how much I didn’t know about Down Syndrome, or special needs kids, or heart conditions, or any of that, before Betsy. But beyond those things, there’s so much more. I actually wrote a post on the topic in the early days of the blog, I’ll link it below. I have learned more patience and compassion than I ever thought I would need. I’ve learned to challenge my own thinking even more. I’ve learned to accept help when I need it. I’ve learned to rest when I get the chance to, and how it’s just as important to look after myself as it is to look after my daughters. And one of the biggest lessons she’s taught me is that it’s ok to go at your own pace—comparing yourself (and her) to others isn’t worth it. Here’s a few more Betsy lessons for you:

The joy of connection and community. I swear, Betsy is the most magnetic person I’ve ever encountered, and all the other kids with Down Syndrome that we’ve met have a similar quality to them. Ever since she was a tiny baby, she’s drawn people to her constantly, even some that I didn’t think really liked kids. She captivates people’s hearts effortlessly. Being around other kids like her and their families has been wonderful as well—being able to connect with folks who understand our journey cos they’re on it too, well that’s just priceless. Even the online community, both here and other places like Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram, has helped me tremendously. Sharing with all of you and hearing your stories has been far more therapeutic than I could have imagined. So THANK YOU for being here, for reading my little blog, and supporting me in all the ways you have. I am all kinds of grateful!

The beauty of it all. I don’t just mean how pretty she is—and she absolutely is (those big eyes? Those lashes? That red hair? I mean, come on). It’s also the way she makes me more aware of the everyday beauty in life, while adding significantly to it, herself. She’s such a tiny being, full of so much love and laughter, so much joy. Life is not easy, but it is so incredibly beautiful.

That’s it for this week’s post. Thank you so much for reading! Please give it a like if you feel inclined, and consider subscribing (or upgrading that sub to paid, even) if you haven’t already. You’ll get to see every Betsy post as well as my weekly Momlife Meme Drops which come out on Mondays. If you’d like to leave a one-time donation, I’ve got an account set up with Buy Me a Coffee for just such a purpose. I also recommend checking out my YouTube channel (mostly Betsy with a little bit of my music), my Upside Downs merch shop, and my songs (available on all major platforms, with a Spotify playlist below). Much love to you!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Welcome to Monday (again)! Let’s start the week out with some laughs and encouragement. It’s summer (although not officially) and I don’t know about you, but I’m already tired of being sweaty! But this is the best part of the kids’ year, being out of school and enjoying the pool, beach, free time, popsicles, sleeping in, and way too much TV. So I’ve got a handful of summer vacation memes sprinkled in here. Make sure you’ve got your browser or the Substack app open so you can see every single meme. Ok, these memes aren’t going to scroll themselves, so let’s do it!

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

That’s a wrap for this edition, Meme Lovers! I hope you’ve enjoyed the memes as much as I’ve enjoyed compiling them. If you’d like to make sure you don’t miss a meme or Betsy update (Betsy being my adorable 3-year-old with Down Syndrome), then you’ll definitely want to subscribe, and if you feel that $5 a month isn’t too much to ask, an upgrade to paid is easily accomplished. There’s multiple ways of connecting and supporting my work, and they are neatly laid out in buttons and links below. Check out my music! Buy Me a Coffee! Subscribe to my YouTube channel! Peruse my Upside Downs merch shop! Just a few options there. I’ll be back later this week with my regular Betsy post. Happy Monday and much love to you!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Here’s a video from my YouTube channel, which is mostly Betsy (but a little bit of my music, too). This is one is from last year, and it’s a cuteness overload.

I have been putting off writing this, but I know I need to. (I even already finished my Meme Drop for next week, both for this Substack and my other one, purely out of procrastination.) I usually avoid the news as much as possible (you should, too—it’s purposely designed to depress and divide us), but this story has completely taken over all my social media feeds. And as a member of the Down Syndrome community, I cannot be silent. I’m not going to include any links to any of this person’s videos or even any stories about it, so if you want to chase this rabbit yourself, be my guest. I’m not going to offer full, direct quotes or specifics because I don’t want to give it my effort or energy. I don’t want to give this guy the clicks and views. Everything I know about this story is from social media posts, which I’ve been completely inundated with. It’s been impossible to avoid, and I find it both heartbreaking and infuriating.

I do ask that you please read all the way to the end, even if you disagree with any of the points that I make. Thank you.

Last week, famous YouTuber Jesse Ridgway and his wife (I think her name is Ashley, I’m not going to look it up) made an announcement about their pregnancy, which they’d already been chronicling for their audience. They reported that they had decided to terminate her pregnancy (which was somewhere around 20 or 21 weeks along) after learning that their son had Down Syndrome. He said a lot of stuff, and I’m not going to get into much of it, but it reeked with the stench of someone thinking they know what they’re talking about even though they really, really don’t. He made statements about not wanting their child to have a “shitty life” and referred to him as a “glitch” and said they’d try again for better (or something like that).

First off? How insulting to anyone with Down Syndrome. To their families and those who love them. To the people who choose them every day, with zero regrets.

This is heartbreaking for so, so many reasons. Personally, I am very much Pro-Life to begin with. You may disagree with me on that, that’s fine (lucky for you, your mother didn’t). I’m not gonna hate anyone for disagreeing with me. In other places around the world, terminating Down Syndrome pregnancies is much more common, as high as 100% in some countries. Even in the States, it seems that as soon as a diagnosis is made, medical staff often recommend it immediately, some even aggressively pushing it. (Thankfully this was not the case for me. I was asked if I wanted to continue my pregnancy, I said absolutely, and it was never brought up again.) Understand that this is disability discrimination. What should be happening is doctors giving parents a better representation of what life with a magical child with Down Syndrome is actually like, rather than outdated stats and scare tactics. I seriously doubt that the Ridgways were given proper information about how these kids can easily receive the medical care they need (assuming they even need it) and go on to live fulfilling, happy lives. How there are so many programs out there to help families adjust, build connections, and plan for the future. Medical staff members who neglect to properly inform these parents are a huge part of the problem. The blood of these innocent children is on their hands.

Here’s what I’d like to know. Did the Ridgways even talk to someone with Down Syndrome? Have they ever met someone like their son? Did they reach out to other Down Syndrome parents to see what their life could potentially be like? If they had, I bet they wouldn’t have made the decision they did. Instead, they used their large platform to promote false information and disability discrimination, negating decades worth of work the Down Syndrome community has put in in attempt to shift the narrative toward acceptance.

The news media is at fault here too, because as far as I’ve seen, they’re only telling the Ridgway family’s side of things. Have any of them talked to Down Syndrome families about how this story is affecting them? About how they’ve already had to be battling discrimination on an almost daily basis, then some ignorant famous person comes along and makes things worse? Have they talked to an actual person with Down Syndrome? Because, after all, they are actual humans with thoughts and feelings just like the rest of us, despite all the dehumanizing going on. Again, I’m only learning about all this from social media, and everything I’ve seen is from fellow content creators, not major news outlets (so admittedly, I could be wrong, there might be outlets doing a decent job). Anyway, I screenshot the following graphic from another Down Syndrome parent:

If you’ve never seen Disney’s Wreck It Ralph, you should. I consider it an underrated gem. One of the characters, Vanellope, is a racecar driver in a video game, ostracized by the other racers for the way her image flickers and seems to glitch. She’s seen as a freak and kicked out of her own game. **Mild spoiler alert** It actually turns out that her “glitch” is an extra boost of power, and she can use it to outrace them all like a boss. When I heard that Ridgway had used the term “glitch,” I immediately thought of Vanellope, and noticed how she is similar to kids with Down Syndrome—what seems like a disability is actually so much more! These kids have super powers that cannot be explained. Their capacity for love and joy is incomprehensible. They have incomparable magnetism. And they don’t have terrible lives, nor do they make others’ lives terrible. The world could use MORE people like them. My Betsy is happy and delightful, she’s a bright light to everyone who meets her, and she’s made our lives better. She’s made me better. I wouldn’t change her for anything.

And that’s what makes this so sad. This story makes me feel all kinds of things, but what I ultimately land on is pity. Not for the aborted son, but for his parents who have no idea what they’ve given up. That extra chromosome might come with a little extra difficulty, but it also packs extra love, joy, laughter, cuteness, wonder, strength, kindness, heart, beauty, silliness, and sooo much more. The Ridgways cheated themselves (and the rest of the world) out of something beyond wonderful, and they don’t even know it. They’ll never know it, and that adds an extra layer of heartbreak. If they had continued the pregnancy, they could have been such great agents for change. Their millions of viewers would have seen this sweet boy growing up and been influenced to see Down Syndrome in a positive way. What a waste, on so many levels!

My hope and prayer is that this can be turned around for good somehow. That all of us, saying what needs to be said, advocating for our children and those to come, can bring about change. The U.S. already has a lower termination rate for Down Syndrome babies than most of the world, so at least there’s that. I want the world to see that these children deserve to be born, that they’re not a problem, an inconvenience, a glitch, or a burden. They’re “imperfectly perfect,” as I like to say, they are beautiful and worthy, and they have so much to teach us.

To any parents receiving a Down Syndrome diagnosis for their unborn child—I beg you, please allow your baby to live. Even if you don’t feel equipped to handle a child with a disability, there are sooo many people out there who actively want to raise children like yours—there are waiting lists of people who want to adopt kids with Down Syndrome. You have created a lovely tiny human who deserves to live and be loved, and I promise you they can have that chance with someone, even if you don’t feel you can do it yourself. OR you may find that you are much stronger than you thought, that raising such a special child enriches your life and makes you better. Just let them live, please. You won’t regret it.

I also think you should check out this song by Rachael Lampa, Superpowers, which I have mentioned in previous posts. It is a beautiful ode to her son Leo, who has Down Syndrome, and it has been stuck in my head a lot with all this going on (and I’m not mad about it being stuck).

I thank you for reading this, and I hope you’ll subscribe if you haven’t already. You could upgrade to paid if you want, and know you’re doing something extra awesome for a busy Mom. I also have some songs you can check out (several of them are about Betsy!) and a small YouTube channel which is mostly videos of Betsy along with some of my music. I’ve also got a little merch shop you can check out, too! I appreciate every ounce of support, and I send you my love and gratitude. Don’t be afraid to be a little extra!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

This song is about Betsy! We wrote it for her when she was sick (and I was overwhelmed):

Totally not fair.

Welcome to Monday Momlife Memes, where I’m here to help your Monday suck a little less by bringing the laughs and encouragement. So grab your coffee, open up that browser or the Substack app (don’t want to miss out on the memes that won’t fit in your email), and let’s get scrolling!

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

That’s it for this week, fellow Moms and Meme Lovers. I hope you rule your Monday instead of it ruling you. I’ll be back later in the week with my regular Betsy post (she’s my 3-year-old with Down Syndrome and the actual star of this Substack), so be sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss out on her or the memes. You wanna upgrade to paid? It’s only $5 a month! And there’s plenty of other ways you can support my work and connect with me, so check out some of the options below. Happy Monday!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

I have what I’d consider a fairly large extended family. My parents both only had sisters—Dad had four (now he’s down to three) and Mom had two (she’s down to one, my Aunt Sue passed away when I was thirteen). All of my grandparents have already passed, but I still have both of my folks, four aunts and one uncle, and all my first cousins—twenty of them—and their families. Almost all of my extended family lives in other states, and I haven’t really been as close to any of them as I’d like. Many of my cousins I’ve only met a handful of times because of the distance. Of course, there’s a few that I’ve spent lots of time with that I am somewhat close to, or at least have been in the past (before we all grew up and got so busy). One of these cousins, Anita, realized I probably wouldn’t be able to come to the funeral, so she messaged me on Facebook and said she was going to make sure Aunt Darlene’s service was live streamed. She came through on that and I am so grateful she did!

A little bit about my late Aunt Darlene. As far back as I can remember, she had this super cool old house in Tennessee (I have a LOT of family in TN), I’m talking a historical marker house, that she decorated in antiques. And (I learned this part watching the funeral stream) she also used to deck it out for Christmas in a big way, too. Her house was about thirty minutes from the university I went to, and so the day before I moved in to college for the first time, I stayed with her overnight, along with my mom and my high school best friend. During that time she had an actual pet raccoon named Rascal—he was enormous and probably the coolest pet ever. Oh yeah, critters? This lady had them. No human children, but fur (and feather) babies galore! I remember some kind of white dustmop style dog (I was too young to know breeds then) she had when I was really little, I think named Misty, and she would bring her to my grandparents’ house on holidays. When I was a young adult she had a sassy little Pekingese named Tiffany, and her husband Tommy (he passed when my eldest was little) had a Lhasa Apso named Gizmo who was an absolute hoot. In more recent years she started taking care of neighborhood cats, and she kept a few as her own pets too. I also remember her always having birds and fish, even a blue and gold macaw at one point. So that’s the fauna, there’s also the flora—she was wonderful with plants and flowers, especially arranging them. She even had her own floral shop for awhile. She was good about making sure family graves had arrangements at the appropriate times, especially since our family history (and history in general) was very important to her. She knew sooo much about our genealogy, it was truly impressive. After my grandmother passed away unexpectedly in 2005, Darlene was my grandfather’s main caregiver, and she and my dad handled the estate when Granddad passed, as well. She was a lot of fun and she would absolutely tell you what she thought about anything without holding back. If you got on the phone with her, you would definitely be there for a good while, but conversation was anything but boring. She was really awesome, and I wish I had spent more time with her. I also regret that she never got to meet Betsy, cos I know she would have absolutely adored her.

So with all that being said, let me tell you something that really struck me while I was listening to the live stream of her memorial service. After learning about my aunt Darlene from talking to other family members, most likely my other aunts for sure, the man who preached her funeral, who I don’t think actually knew her, said one of the loveliest things I think can be said of a person, at all, ever. (And for all I know, one of my relatives may have said this about her to him, I have no idea.) He called her a Caretaker of Beauty. When I heard him say that, tears immediately welled up in my eyes, because it is so true. That’s exactly what she was, there’s no better way to put it.

A Caretaker of Beauty. What a lovely concept! (And yes, I feel that phrase more than deserves full capitalization.) While thinking about all the different ways that statement fit my aunt, I also thought how I would love for someone to say that about me as well, that it’s something I want to be, too. It took me far too many seconds to realize that I already am a Caretaker of Beauty.

I am Miranda and Betsy’s Mom. I’ve been entrusted with the care of these two gorgeous girls, and they show me the beauty of life every day. They’re constantly teaching me new things and keeping me on my toes. Even when things are rough, these two girls can pile into a cuddle puddle in my lap and everything seems better. I have brought these two beautiful humans into this world, and I can’t minimize the importance of giving them my best, showing up for them the way they deserve. They’re my mission, my purpose. And I want to show them the beauty of life just like they show it to me. So now I’ve consciously added a secondary mission, not just raising my beautiful girls well, but actively seeking to cultivate more beauty into our lives in any way I can. There’s a lot of ugly out there, yes, but ultimately I do believe that life is beautiful. I’m going to do my part to contribute.

I bet if you think about it, you can probably think of ways that you, yourself, are also a Caretaker of Beauty—whether it’s children, animals, plant life, art, music, whatever. We as humans are born to create, and beauty is often a by-product of our creations, even when it’s not our main goal. So I challenge you today—start looking for, celebrating, and caring for the beautiful things in your life. There’s probably already a lot more beauty than you realize.

While you’re at it, reach out to your loved ones. Because life is beautiful, yes, but it is also incredibly short.

If you have enjoyed reading this today, why not tap that little like icon and maybe share it with someone else. You might also consider subscribing to the Upside Downs if you haven’t already, either at the basic Free level or upgrading to Paid for a mere $5 a month. Or if you wanna leave me a little something just because, Buy Me a Coffee can help you out with that. I also have music you can stream or download, a YouTube channel, and a merch shop that are all worth checking out. I’ll be back again on Monday with the Memes, I promise! Much love to you, beautiful friends.

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Monday is here again, and so are the Momlife Memes! Welcome to June (how did we get here already?) and a brand new week, too. If you want to start out this new week and month with laughs and encouragement, then you are in the right place! I highly recommend clicking open your browser or the Substack app, cos there are way too many memes to fit in your email. So let’s do it!

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

It seems I love you guys a lot! Thanks for memeing with me today. I hope June starts out right for you. If you like my work enough to subscribe, I’ll be super grateful—even more so if you decide that a mere $5 a month is worth it to you. There’s various other ways you can connect and show support, and several of those are presented below in convenient button form. I’ll be back later in the week for my regular Betsy post (she’s my adorable 3-year-old with Down Syndrome). Until then, meme on, folks!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

I wouldn’t have stressed about it so much. I’ve never been great at handling stress in the first place, but the level of it that I had going on during my pregnancy was ridiculous. I was in denial about the diagnosis (although it wasn’t an official diagnosis as I didn’t have an amniocentisis—but they told me there was a 96% chance of Down Syndrome) and I was hoping and praying for the 4%. My husband Ian and I didn’t really talk about it with anyone for awhile, cos we wanted to process it ourselves first. That made sense at the time, but I wish we had talked to family about it sooner. It felt like such a heavy weight for us to bear alone, and once I shared it with my parents and daughter, their love and support brought so much emotional relief. Besides the whole diagnosis and being pregnant thing, I had also just turned forty and we were newly married, so there was also the stress of combining our two households. I was working full time as well (I actually went into labor on the job—my water broke like something straight out of a sitcom). I should have been looking into ways to calm myself and regulate my nervous system. I should have gotten more information and done more research. I should have looked into resources and found more Down Syndrome parents. I could have had a much easier pregnancy.

Someone shared a video with me on Instagram that helped me out a lot, and at this point I can’t remember whether I saw it in the late stages of my pregnancy or in the first few months having Betsy at home. It’s of a mother being interviewed by her daughter who has Down Syndrome, and the sentiments expressed by the mom are just spot on. This video always makes me teary-eyed.

I wish I had seen more videos like this earlier on, that I had familiarized myself with the Down Syndrome community online—then I would have had a better glimpse of the beautiful world we were stepping into. And it truly is a beautiful world.

I would have advocated more adamantly for both myself and Betsy in the hospital. She was born by C-section and taken from me immediately so they could run all kinds of tests (they had seen her heart and digestion defects via ultrasounds during my pregnancy) and get her settled in the NICU. I was immediately bombarded by a lactation consultant even though I was still violently shaking from the refreshed epidural, and then I had to eat something and get settled into a room, so I didn’t even get to meet Betsy until six hours later. I definitely didn’t get to hold her right away—I wanted to, but didn’t ask because she was covered in wires and tubes and I didn’t think I could. Some nurse finally asked me if I wanted to, and that’s what made it happen, and even then no one brought up doing skin-to-skin. I had to wear a hospital gown over my clothes to be allowed to hold her at all, so I didn’t think to ask about that, either. All those tubes and wires on her? No one told me what they were. The nurses seemed to assume that you already knew because you didn’t ask, and I didn’t know I needed to ask. When Betsy had her abdominal surgery at two days old, they installed a g-tube in her stomach so she could receive meds and milk—no one told me about that, either. Not until it was pretty much time for her to go home and they were giving me a crash course on how to use it. I also wish I had stayed at the Ronald McDonald House while she was in NICU, because we lived about 90 minutes from the hospital and I had to drive (or be driven there until I was cleared to drive myself post C-section) every day to see her, and usually only got to spend a hour or two there per day. I missed out on so much bonding time with my newborn girl during those three weeks, and it still hurts to think about. (When she had her heart surgery six months later, I did stay at Ronald McDonald House and I am so glad that I did.)

I would have gotten Betsy into early intervention therapies right away. There were various reasons why we didn’t get things going, from clashing with our first pediatrician to home work schedules, but anyway, it didn’t happen. When Ian discovered Gigi’s Playhouse last summer, that got us involved in a weekly Music Therapy group session (and introduced us to a wonderful community). It also led to us enrolling her in their Speech Therapy program, and we have seen great results from that. But I wish we had done it sooner, and the physical and occupational therapies, too. Kids with Down Syndrome are already developmentally delayed, but I feel like she would be much further along if we’d started sooner. It’s hard not to play the comparison game, even knowing how Betsy is pretty much determined to do things on her own timeline anyway. She is now three and a half, says just a handful of words (and only when she feels like it), and she’s not standing on her own or walking. I can’t help but think she would be doing all the things already if she had had the therapies from the start.

I would have prioritized my own well-being and mental health better. In the early days, there were times I might not get a chance to have a shower for 2 or 3 days. Now I consider showers to be non-negotiable—I find a way to make sure I get one every day. Before, I never asked for help from friends or family, because I always had so much to do that I didn’t feel like I could justify taking the time out to leave the house for anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Now I know that asking for help is absolutely necessary sometimes. I felt like I couldn’t do fun things that I liked to do unless I got enough done first; now I know that rest and hobbies are part of maintaining my own identity. I’ve always felt like being Miranda and Betsy’s mom is my truest calling—but it’s not all there is to my Kristen-ness. To really be the best Mom that I can be, I have to actually be myself. I can’t let all the non-Mom parts be lost in the void. Another game-changer for me has been starting therapy. I wish I had done that a long time ago. If you’ve been thinking you might need it, you probably do, so my advice is to go for it! I’m understanding myself so much better, and it’s helping me show up to my life in a way I couldn’t before. Self-care is not selfish.

I would have searched for real-life Down Syndrome community much sooner. As I mentioned earlier, Ian found Gigi’s Playhouse last summer, so we’ve been going there fairly regularly for almost a year now. I wish we had known about it sooner. I was following all these Down Syndrome related accounts on social media and talking to other parents there, and that was great, but it’s sooo not the same as real life connection and support. Before last summer, Betsy was the only kid with DS that I knew, and she didn’t know very many other kids at all. It has made such a difference for all of us being around other families that are in boats like ours. And I didn’t even realize we were missing out.

Before Betsy, there was just so much I flat-out didn’t know, and I didn’t even know I didn’t know. Three years in, I at least know that I still have a lot to learn. There’s a lot I wish I could have done differently (this is just scratching the surface), and all of that now falls into two categories: things I can change and things I can’t. I can’t undo the past, but I can use what I’ve learned in the present and the future. I know better now, so I can do better. I can take steps to reduce stress. I can choose faith over fear. I can research and prepare. I can trust in myself, God, and the processes of life. I can ask for help when I need it. I can seek and take part in community. I can ask questions and advocate for Betsy (and myself) in medical environments. I can keep her in the therapies we’ve already started, and get her involved in the others she needs. I can take care of myself better so I’m not trying to pour from an empty cup.

Now that I know what I know, you’d better believe I’m going to keep doing all of those things, and much more.

Thank you for reading! If you’d like to show further support, there are various ways listed below in convenient button form. I’ll be back again on Monday with my weekly Momlife Memes. Much love to you and yours.

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Hey, fellow Moms and Meme Lovers! Hope you’re having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and whether you’re getting to celebrate or just having a normal Monday, make sure to remember what’s important and why. Meanwhile, my eldest just finished her Junior year of high school and I’m trying not to hyperventilate. Anyway, holiday or not, it’s still Monday, so let’s start the week out on a positive note with some laughs and encouragement! If you’re reading this in your email (thanks for subscribing, by the way!), you’ll want to opt for your browser or the Substack app instead, since this post is too much for your email to handle. Let’s meme on, folks.

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

Thank you for memeing with me today! I hope your week is off to a great start. Be sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss any memes, or any of my updates on Betsy, my sweet little three-year-old with Down Syndrome. If you care to connect further or show some extra support, there are various ways to do so below. You can check out my YouTube channel (which is mostly Betsy but also some of my music), my songs on Spotify (which are available on most other major platforms, as well), and maybe even my Upside Downs merch shop. I’ll be back later in the week with my regular Betsy post. Much love to you!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Check out my newest song, Rewind:

As a Mom Blogger, I would be remiss to not bring up Mental Health Awareness Month. You know the old expression, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? If you’ve been alive on Planet Earth for any decent amount of time, you know how true this statement is. We all affect each other energetically, but the Matriarch of the family especially does, because most likely she handles the important stuff. She bears the mental load of the whole crew. Her mental state has the heaviest of influences on everyone else in the house. If she isn’t regulating her emotions (or doesn’t even know how), then her kids are not learning how to regulate theirs. Moms set the tone to basically everything. To me, this is one of the largest responsibilities of Motherhood, and I don’t take it lightly. (I’ve also got to include here that I am not a professional, just a fellow Mom, and none of what I say should be taken as medical advice. Take only what resonates with you, and don’t forget that grain of salt. ‘Kay, good.)

I am super grateful to be living in a time where people have begun to take mental health seriously. Therapy is no longer stigmatized, or at least it’s significantly less so. My generation (I’d call myself an Xennial) and the ones following us have boldly taken on the task of cycle breaking. I really believe this a huge step in the right direction for humanity. And treating mental health as seriously as physical health is crucial.

And this doesn’t necessarily mean that every single person on the planet needs to be seeing a shrink on the regular. Much like with physical health, different things work for different people. We each have the responsibility to work on ourselves and find what fits. And as parents, we have to do those things for our kids until they can do it themselves.

We also cannot ignore the connection between the different aspects of our being—our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual levels of health are all inextricably connected. Our bodies are the canvases on which the rest of ourselves are displayed. One thing that changed my life completely was reading a book by Louise Hay (I don’t even remember which one at this point, but several of her works include this) where she created a chart listing physical symptoms, the emotional/thought pattern affecting them, and affirmations to help. I’m not sure where any of my books are that have this list, but fortunately we have this thing called the internet, so if you’re curious about seeing it, you can find it here.

I haven’t been hiding my own mental health struggles for the past few years, and that’s been an important part of getting better. Right now, I’m doing better than I have been in a long time. Talking to someone, whether a trusted friend or family member or a professional, is an absolute must. We women are sometimes so good at pretending to have it all together that no one else realizes it when we’re actually falling apart. And you can’t get help without asking for it. There’s no shame in it—in fact, anyone who tries to make you feel shame for it is not someone you need in your life. Know who your safe people are.

Prioritizing your mental health is not selfish. You deserve to be in a healthy state. Your family deserves to have you in a healthy state. If you’re not there, start taking steps to figure out how to get there. That’s my gentle challenge for you this month. You are worthy, I promise.

I’m going to include links to a few Substack posts that I’ve found particularly helpful of late. Maybe they’ll resonate with you, as well. I just want to remind you that it’s ok to not be ok, but on the flip side, you’re the only one who can get yourself back to ok (and then better than ok).

Kill The Silence

9 Signs You're Not Depressed. You're Depleted.

The Question Nobody Asked You…

Read more

3 months ago · 118 likes · 14 comments · Cody Taymore

SAGE & SASS

When Your Throat Finally Stops Protecting Everyone From What Your Body Already Knows

Your body has known what it wants since before your last relationship ended. Since before your last job. Since before the last time you said “I’m fine” to someone who didn’t ask twice because your delivery was THAT convincing and your jaw did THAT much heavy lifting and your voice hit THAT exact pitch of “casual” that signals to the social environment: “Nothing to see here. Just a woman with a fully formed desire locked in her pelvic floor pretending it’s a preference for being alone…

Read more

a month ago · 18 likes · 10 comments · Dea Devidas

Thank you for reading. I so appreciate you! I’ll be back on Monday with more Momlife Memes. Much love to you.

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

Thank you for memeing with me today! I hope your Monday is wonderful. I’ll be back later in the week with my regular Betsy post, so make sure you’re subscribed and you won’t miss a meme or any extra-chromosomed cuteness. Check out my music, YouTube channel, and merch shop if you’re feeling it. See you next time!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

The realization hit me like a freight train yesterday out of nowhere, and once it did, I was like, how could I have almost forgotten about it??

Betsy’s Heartiversary. A phrase I didn’t make up myself but I loved instantly, because it’s just the kind of word I would come up with. It’s the anniversary of her open heart surgery. Congenital heart defects are fairly common in people with Down Syndrome, like the AV Canal defect that Betsy had to have repaired when she was six (almost seven) months old. Given how healthy she is now, it’s hard to recall what it was like when her heart wasn’t fixed yet. Three years seems like a whole lifetime ago, but somehow it also feels like it wasn’t that terribly long. I mean, looking at these old pictures of her, it’s so obvious how much she’s grown, but I also clearly remember this tiny little baby.

While Ian and I generally try to raise her as non-medically as possible, some things just can’t be avoided. Heart surgery is one of them. It was actually her second operation, since she had to have a duodenal atresia repair when she was just two days old. Again, not something more natural or homeopathic methods could handle. Allopathic medicine has its place, and both of these situations qualified.

If you’ve ever had one of your children undergo surgery, then you have an idea what this was like. If you haven’t experienced this, I pray you don’t have to. The few hours she spent in surgery were some of the scariest of my entire life. But I also knew she was in the best possible hands and that God and Betsy’s guardian angels were watching out for her. Watching a baby recover from something like this isn’t easy, either. In some of the photos below, you can just barely peep the incision on her chest and it’s pretty gnarly. Knowing that she was in pain was almost unbearable, but I also knew that this had fixed her up and that she was going to be in sooo much better shape once she healed. As of now, you’d never know she ever had or needed such an operation unless you managed to spot her zipper scar.

I’m so thankful that we had such wonderful doctors and nurses at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. They were excellent and took great care of her. Despite my general dislike of hospitals, I can truly say I don’t hate this one! One of my first ever blog posts here on Substack was on that very subject, and there I recounted the story of her heart surgery in much greater detail (it probably has all these same photos in it too). You can read that here if you’d like:

I’d also like to shout out to the Ronald McDonald House charities. My mom and I stayed there with Betsy the night before her operation, and for a few days after (until she was moved from the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit to the Cardiac Acute Care Unit, where I could stay in the room with her). I cannot say enough good things about this organization, and if you are ever looking for a charity to support, I highly recommend this one. Our stay there was wonderful and they took excellent care of us.

These days? Betsy is a character and a half. She grows like a weed (something that didn’t happen so well when her heart was having to work extra hard before it was repaired) and keeps everyone around her smiling. Her laughter is infectious. Watching her groove to her favorite music is awesome. Hearing her slowly learn new words is exciting—lately she sometimes yells “Throw!” when she throws a ball, which of course, is one of her favorite past times. Another thing she likes to do lately is gleefully trying to smack the phone out of my hand when I’m taking photos! She may have had to go through some very difficult things, and she may be developmentally delayed, but she is one of the strongest people I know. I am so proud of this incredible little girl, and I am so thankful every day that I get to be her mom.

HAPPY HEARTIVERSARY, BETSY!

Thank you so much for reading! If you haven’t subscribed, you still can, and you’ll be notified of all of Betsy’s updates, as well as my weekly Momlife Meme Drops every Monday. If you want to upgrade to paid for a mere $5 a month, that’s even better! Or if you just wanna leave me a little something as a one-time donation, Buy Me a Coffee can help you out there. I also recommend checking out my YouTube channel, my Upside Downs merch shop, and my music, which is available on all major streaming download platforms. Since we took a trip down Memory Lane here today, I’m leaving you with the video to my newest release, Rewind.

See you on Monday!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Happy Belated Mother’s Day! I hope all you Moms got treated like the Queens you are. I’ve definitely got a few leftover Mother’s Day memes included in here, so this one is a little longer than usual. Make sure you’re opening up your browser or the Substack app, because this is way too much for your email to contain. Let’s start our Monday out with some laughs and encouragement, shall we?

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

That’s it for this week’s Memes, fellow Moms and friends. Be sure you’re subscribed and/or following me so you don’t miss a meme. I’ll be back later in the week with my usual Betsy post, so if you want to read about the sweetest little girl with Down Syndrome and how we’re raising her as naturally and non-medically as we can, be sure to stick around! Thank you for reading!

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

Check out my songs on Spotify!

Here’s the lyric video for my song Crybaby:

Who am I and why should you care? My name is Kristen and I’m the mom of two girls (16 and 3), the younger, Betsy, being a beautiful redhead with Down Syndrome. My husband Ian and I are committed to raising this special girl as naturally and non-medically as possible. If you’d like to read a brief intro piece about our family, you can do that here:

So taking care of a little girl with Down Syndrome is pretty involving, as you can probably guess. I mean, kids are a lot to handle anyway, and adding special needs into the mix definitely makes things a bit more complicated. Betsy has a knack for changing up my plans without even trying. But those big brown eyes with ridiculously long lashes, that beautiful smile lighting up and turning into cackling laughter, and the absolute sweetest cuddles make it all worth it.

Sometimes she has tough days, and when that happens it usually means I have a tough day, too. But when I’m the one waking up on the wrong side of the bed, or just feeling generally blah and depressio, what can I do to make sure it doesn’t affect her in a similar fashion, and that I am still taking good care of her? I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer, but I do think that little things can make a difference. So here are some things I did to help pull myself out of my little funk.

I got something done that I had been putting off. It involved signing a form and emailing it. Didn’t take long. But I’d been meaning to do it for a long time. I decided not to let my rain cloud keep me from doing what I needed to do. I took care of that little thing and patted myself on the back for it. That helped motivate me to get more done.

I didn’t put off getting my shower. Showering can start to feel like a luxury sometimes, being so busy taking care of a little one. But I decided awhile back that it is NOT a luxury, it is a necessity, and I will get my shower. I do better if I don’t let other things get ahead of it. The sooner I get clean, the better I feel and the more momentum I can build for everything else.

I gave myself time and permission to feel what I was feeling and sit with it. I didn’t get to do this until much later in the day, but the timing was still perfect. I had to pick up my eldest from band practice at school, so when I got there I just sat and waited. I closed my eyes and took slow breaths. I allowed myself to feel the hard feelings, and paid attention to where I felt them in my body (up and down my face and deep in my chest). I asked my body what it needed, and the answer was what I was already doing—sitting with it. I relaxed, allowed it, and told myself it was safe to feel it and also safe to let it go. It was only about ten minutes, but by the time Miranda and her boyfriend showed up at the car, I felt much calmer and better regulated.

I picked up and cuddled Betsy. The girl gives the best hugs, and lately I’ve been calling her a Cuddle Fish. So I just held her for a few minutes and I know it improved things for both of us. Humans need hugs. We need touch. It helps our nervous system regulate and releases oxytocin.

I cleared out a space that needed it. It wasn’t a huge mess or a big deal, but it had been bothering me, and I felt guilty about not having done it already. So I just did it. Didn’t take long and I instantly felt better.

I prettied up. After my shower and before going to pick up Miranda from band practice, I made sure I actually styled my hair instead of just letting it air dry. Then I put on full makeup. I wore a shirt I like and put on shoes I love but almost never wear. I wore my favorite butterfly ring. I spritzed one little spray of my favorite perfume (I don’t wear fragrances often, because they contain endocrine disruptors, so if I do wear it, it’s a single spray). Feeling good about how I’m presenting myself makes me feel better overall. By the time we got to our weekly karaoke gig, I felt really good about how I looked and actually just in general. People asked me how I was doing and I could honestly answer that I was doing well, instead of just “ok.”

I accepted responsibility for my own feelings. No one can change how I feel without my permission. This is my life, and if I want to feel better, that’s all on me. That’s what it boils down to.

I accepted responsibility TO my own feelings. Feelings are there for a reason. What are they trying to teach me? Figuring out why you feel what you feel is crucial. Then you gotta decide what to do next. No one wants to be perpetually bummed out. If you want to really make things better, a little (or a lot) of self-reflection is in order.

So today has been much easier than yesterday. Much less bummy, much more productive, and generally happier. Life is too short to stay stuck in such a rut, and no one can get me out of those ruts but me. It is perfectly acceptable to not be ok, and it is also acceptable to want to be better than just ok. And I definitely want better. “Ok” has been my baseline for such a long time, and I’m tired of it. Life is rich and beautiful, and I need to get out of my own way to allow it to be so.

Side note, if you’ve never seen the movie Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, go watch it. It is incredibly quotable, and this is one of my favorite lines. You’re welcome.

That’s all I’ve got for today. Question for you—what do you do to bring yourself out of a depressio mood? Let me know in the comments!

Leave a comment

I’ll be back on Monday with Momlife Memes, so make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss out. If you find value in my work and would like to show some monetary support, you can upgrade that subscription to Paid for a mere $5 a month, or even leave me a little one-time donation via Buy Me a Coffee. Other ways to show some love? Check out my music, YouTube channel, and/or my merch shop. Thank you for reading! Much love to you.

Buy Me a Coffee

My YouTube

Upside Downs Shop

I highly recommend!

Welcome to Monday Momlife Memes, the first one in May, to be exact. Even though life on Earth is kinda grim right now (really, it always has been), we can accept that without focusing on it—because life is also remarkably beautiful. Let’s start this new week and month out with some laughs and encouragement! Open up that browser or the Substack app, cos your email can’t handle all this, and let’s do this!

Get more from Kristen Malcolm in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app