I just got back from the Catholic Writers’ Guild Live Conference, and it was a blast. Anyone who’s new here post-conference, welcome! Connecting with real people about their real-life circumstances is always so refreshing and lovely. I had the privilege of praying with several people about difficult life circumstances, and something I noticed was how often people blamed themselves for circumstances that were so clearly out of their control.

Here’s what I’m not saying.

I’m not implying you shouldn’t take totally reasonable and practical preventative measures in your day-to-day life. Lock your front door at night. Take your kids to their check-ups. Get an oil change. Those are all good things to do.

What I want to address is what I see as a growing belief that every bad thing can be prevented, and that if something bad happens, it’s your fault.

The rubber hit the road

“I’m having an allergic reaction.”

“What do you mean?” My husband shook his head slowly, keeping his eyes on the road. “You’ve barely eaten, and none of it could have nuts in it.”

He was right. We’d gotten up at 4 am so he could drive me to my first marathon. I’d eaten a banana in the car, wanting to keep my gait light. During the drive, I reminded myself that I’d spent 6 months preparing for this day. Never mind that violent thunderstorms had raged all night, knocking out power lines and leaving behind 88% humidity.

At check-in, the volunteer let us know that the event coordinators were not responsible for any injuries sustained from running in a heat advisory. I’d trained through all weather conditions for today. Maybe not a heat advisory, but no matter. I was prepared. My husband watched me lace up, concerned. He’d never tell me to quit. He knew me too well. Six months of 4 am runs, physical therapy to prevent injury, and our whole schedule revolving around my training. I was not quitting. I had prepared.

By the end of mile 1, I was gasping for air. By mile 4, I’d resigned myself to walking. Mile 7 brought the golf carts, volunteers picking up runners who needed rescue from the heat. My knee was starting to throb. I’d done all the right stretches and strengthening moves to prevent this injury from coming back, but here it was on race day. As I approached mile 13— halfway— I cursed everything that had gone wrong. I’d done nothing for 6 months but prepare. I’d read and researched everything that could go wrong, and planned accordingly. I’d done everything right, and yet I limped into the halfway tent and told the volunteers I had to quit the race. I was driven to the finish line, where my husband helped me limp to the car.

He held up a stick of beef jerky. “Found this in your mom’s pantry earlier. Shower or food first?”

“Shower.”

I was angry, embarrassed, and upset. I washed the failure off and then climbed into the car, picking up the beef jerky I’d left on the passenger seat. All I’d had was a banana at 4 am, and it was early afternoon. I nibbled on it while my husband backed out of my mom’s driveway and pointed us at a restaurant.

We hadn’t even left the neighborhood when, in complete disbelief, I put my hand on his arm. “I’m having an allergic reaction.”

I’d only had a banana and some beef jerky. This was impossible.

“What do you mean? You’ve barely eaten, and none of it could have nuts in it!”

“Well, my throat is swelling up, and I can feel hives in my mouth,” I replied, trying to remember when I’d had secret banananut bread or pecan pie.

He pulled over and took the beef jerky wrapper out of my hands. Why would I read the label on beef jerky? It’s just meat.

“Walnut flour? Who puts walnuts in beef jerky?” He put the car back into drive and rushed us to the ER.

They checked me in quickly, gave me the right shots, and monitored me for 4 hours. We explained that I’d walked 13 miles that morning and was running on negative calories. The nurses tried, but Jell-O and saltines can only do so much. By the time we made it back to my mom’s house, it was dinnertime. I sat on the couch, in my nest of blankets with ice on my injured knee, and tried to figure it out.

I’d prepared!

I’d prepared for bad weather. I’d trained my injury to keep it from coming back. I was careful about food labels and allergens when there was a potential for nuts.

None of it had made a difference. I’d still had the single most catastrophic day possible.

A truly modern sentiment

I can’t find the article anymore, but I recall seeing it floating around on Facebook in 2020. It was about how shutdowns disproportionately affected moms. Moms had two choices during lockdown:

1. The stress and loneliness of being housebound with small children who aren’t allowed outside or around peers

2. Being berated by everyone for putting their children in danger for so much as playing outside or going to a grocery store.

The article presented the prevailing perspective throughout history that when children got sick or died, the community understood that it was something that just happens sometimes. However, in our modern world, where we believe everything is preventable, we often need to blame something or someone—usually, the mother.

Of course, childhood mortality has gone down, and that’s a good thing, but it doesn’t mean that when a child does die despite modern medicine and safety, it’s someone’s fault.

But it’s in every part of society now

From influencers to pop psychologists, everyone is promising the same thing: If you do this, then nothing bad can happen to you. We’re sold this belief that we can be proactive, educated, and efficient enough to prevent suffering and decay.

We’re also being sold the inverse message: when something bad happens, it’s because you failed to take a certain preventative measure.

There’s even a Don’t Die movement of people who believe that with enough medical surveillance and technology, we can make suffering and death optional.

But this is not what Jesus tells us

Jesus never promised us control. Here’s what he promised:

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

Jn 16:33

He said to be at peace, to take heart. He promised we would have trials and sorrows. And as for death, Jesus gave us the blueprint. He prayed that the cup of suffering would pass him by, and when it didn’t, He faced death with mercy and a reliance on His father’s strength.

That’s the solution.

We cannot “by worrying add a single hour to [our lives]” (Lk 12:25). But we can prepare for a good death.

The traditional definition of a good death is “dying in friendship with God.” Friendship is not forged in a moment. It’s the long, side-by-side journey of two who are seeking the same end.

What end ought you seek alongside God? Sanctification and mercy. All you have to do is cooperate. And when hardship comes (and it will come), it’s when sanctification happens most thoroughly.

Memento mori,

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The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still. Ex. 14:14

I am not a fan of this approach. In fact, it drives me crazy because I know we’re all able to tell the difference between Gandalf the Grey and Wicca.

More than simple preference, I think we need stories about vampires and witches for a few different reasons.

What does fiction do for us that reality can’t?

The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales by Bruno Bettelheim asserts that fairy tales are imperative for finding meaning in our lives. Being able to experience things otherwise inaccessible to us expands our human experience. This is best seen in children, but it's true for adults too.

To find deeper meaning, one must become able to transcend the narrow confines of a self-centered existence and believe that one will make a significant contribution to life—if not right now, then at some future time. This feeling is necessary if a person is to be satisfied with himself and with what he is doing. In order not to be at the mercy of the vagaries of life, one must develop one’s inner resources, so that one’s emotions, imagination, and intellect mutually support and enrich one another. Our positive feelings give us the strength to develop our rationality; only hope for the future can sustain us in the adversities we unavoidably encounter.

Bettelheim asserts that for children, the best resource for instilling them with a cultural identity and belief in their ability to contribute is literature.

Stories let children externalize and symbolically confront primal fears (death, abandonment, worthlessness) in a way that real life doesn’t always allow, and in a format they can understand.

It also allows them to experience triumphs that are above their stage of development, giving them something to aspire to. By putting on the guise of a hero who slays a dragon, they begin to aspire to heroic virtue.

Because the threats are fictional and symbolic, children can engage with danger without being in danger. This lets them experiment with coping, moral choices, courage, hope, and victory. Children also do this in their imaginative games. I read a parenting book a long time ago that cautioned against stopping an imagination game because of darker themes. Kids pretending to die, kill one another, battle evil creatures, and playact at being bad guys are all externalizing ways of making sense of these concepts. Don’t worry. Your child won’t end up in prison if you let them pretend to be a bank robber.

The stories let children integrate conflicting impulses (fear, aggression, desire for safety) into a coherent inner life. As Bettelheim puts it, fairy tales help the child “cope with that which goes on in his unconscious.”

Believe it or not, allowing children to engage with fiction prepares them for reality. It also prepares them to engage with the eternal.

Angela Stanford, in this interview, says,

“One of the reasons that I think fairytales are so incredibly important now more than ever is because living in the modern age, we have a tendency to think of what is real as what can be experienced through the senses, what I can see and touch, and feel, and hear, and taste. For us, that is what is real. The problem with that then, is that when that becomes your definition for what is real, where does that leave things like God, and justice, and mercy, and truth, and beauty, and goodness, right? We have lost touch as moderns with transcendent virtues and transcendent realities, and one of the things I like to say about fairytales is that fairytales are not just true, they are truer than true. They are realer than real, because fairytales help to remind us of that, which is the realist reality, the transcendent. Fairytales help us to remember that there is a mysterious reality beyond what we can experience from the senses.

That there is magic. This is an enchanted universe, because God is in the universe, and it was a created universe, lovingly created, and there is meaning inherent in everything in the creation. And as moderns, we have lost touch of that, so much. I mean, when we get into conversations where people say, “Well, I don’t believe in God, because I can’t see him.”

Fiction lets us engage with things in a transcendental way. I can experience deeper compassion, grief, and virtue than that which is demanded by my cozy midwestern life.

But why would that matter?

Certain experiences shape us as image-bearers of an infinite God. However, we’re quite finite, and our lives are small, both chronologically and geographically. I spend 90% of my life within a 20-square-mile area. I get eight decades if I’m lucky. Twenty square miles and eight decades to grow in faith, virtue, and grace, God willing. But with fiction, we can experience more: more heroic perseverance; more good triumphing over evil; more empathy and compassion.

Hebrews 9:27 says: It is appointed for mortals to die once, and after that the judgement.

There are things we only do once. We’re born once, and then reborn in Christ. We die once, and hopefully that death comes to us within the context of a friendship with Christ.

How can we practice and prepare for something we can only do once in an external, but personal way?

The end

As an author, I can tell you that the most important part of a story is the ending. How many amazing book series tv shows have become a mockery because of a bad or lazy end?

All the world building, stakes, and struggle mean nothing if the ending doesn't give a satisfying payoff.

Many of the hallmarks of a good ending, are also hallmarks of a good death: redemption, a return to peace, refuge in family, and self-actualization.

If the most important part of a story is the end, then the most important part of your story is a good death, one that was carefully prepared all along and faced with faith, virtue, repentance, and redemption.

The same One by another name

“It isn’t Narnia, you know,” sobbed Lucy. “It’s you. We shan’t meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?”

“But you shall meet me, dear one,” said Aslan.

“Are -are you there too, Sir?” said Edmund.

“I am,” said Aslan. “But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Fiction allows us to know truths by another name. We can experience virtue, prayer, and Truth Himself by another name, so that when we encounter these things in real life, we recognize them. When we live many lives through fiction, and then come to the end of the road, we bring with us many more gifts to lay at the feet of the King.

And hopefully, we’ll know the difference between a Pokémon card and a demon.

Talk to you soon,

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A blessed Triduum season to you and yours!

Blessed Easter to you tomorrow.

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:55-57

An update

My amazing brother gave SRcrickard.com a glow-up! Check it out! One of the changes is that my shop is now on Etsy. That allows me to lower the prices of many items and gives me greater control over shipping. I’m especially proud of the First Last Thing line of stickers and merch, in addition to the Misshelved Magic merch.

My review

For a short time, my book only had one companion in the science fiction and fantasy genre of Chrism Press’s lineup, and that was Markmaker by Mary Jessica Woods. I was intrigued by the cover and premise, but I’ll admit science fiction doesn’t appeal to me as much as fantasy does. I picked it up anyway, and I’m so glad I did. Markmaker may be set in outer space and have a cast of aliens, but the rich world-building, lush atmospheric prose, and sense of something ancient underpinning the plot appealed to my fantasy-loving heart. Markmaker is a great book for fantasy and sci-fi fans alike.

Mariikel Serix is a markmaker, a tattoo artist of the Noxxin race. For the Noxxin, tattoos are proof of who you are. Couples are tattooed upon marrying. Parents get specific tattoos to represent how many children they have. And every Noxxin has their clan symbol visible on their neck— except the exiles. Those Noxxin who are banished to the underbelly of the space station that the Noxxin people call home have their clan marks obscured, and the babies born there are clanless. In his daily life, Mariikel is a mild-mannered markmaker who keeps to himself. Breaking the law and tradition by night, Mariikel has been going into the underbelly to give out tattoos. He swore to paint the truth, and despite his break with Orthodoxy, he feels he is doing just that. He gives clan marks to babies and marriage marks to exiles who wish to marry. He ministers to the exiles like a missionary bringing the Truth to a lost tribe. The striking imagery of a priest bringing the sacraments to the homebound and outcast was apparent from chapter one.

This alien story feels intimate and familiar once you see the sacramentality of the Noxxin religion, and the vulnerability of a regular person endeavoring to grapple with morality that transcends their emotions.

Buy it here

Once I finished, I immediately sent Mary a message, asking if she’d discuss Markmaker with me. She kindly said yes.

The interview

Tell me about your daily life. What are you doing if you’re not writing?

For my day job, I work remotely as an editor for a textbook publisher. Not exciting, but it pays the bills! In my free time, I’m reading, listening to podcasts, discovering new music (I’m a big fan of video game soundtracks, which are great for writing playlists), hanging out with family and friends, and going for walks in the Michigan woods.

Markmaker is fascinating right from the premise. Tell me how the Noxxiin people, the ship, the lore, all came to be.

This is a fun story. The Noxxiin people and the world they live in were originally created by my friend and college classmate, Donan Scholl. Donan was running a homebrew tabletop roleplaying game called Watchpoint (in which I was a player), and the Noxxiin were one of the alien races he’d invented for the sci-fi world. The wandering generation ships, the warrior culture, the ceremonial tattoos–those were all elements that Donan had come up with. Many of the clan names and roles, including Clan Serix (and even the character of Haza’ruux, the “mad markmaker”) were part of the game’s lore as well.

I loved Donan’s RPG world so much that even after the game ended and we all graduated college, I kept writing stories–fanfiction, essentially–set in the Watchpoint universe. The Noxxiin culture was particularly fun to explore. One of these spin-off stories took on a life of its own, and before I knew what was happening, I had a novel manuscript on my hands. The story of Markmaker is my own, but it wouldn’t have come into being without Donan’s worldbuilding. We are still active collaborators, constantly discussing and refining the lore. It’s been a unique creative experience, and Donan has been very generous, letting me build castles in his sandbox!

How do your personal interests show up in the characters or plot?

Contrary to what people might expect, I do not have a personal interest in tattoos–I don’t have any myself and do not ever intend to get one! However, I do love visual art in general and have dabbled in various mediums (primarily pencils) since I was young. I certainly drew on that experience to express Mariikel’s artistic sensibilities. His curiosity about books, history, and lost languages are interests that I share, as well.

Another significant (though subtler) influence on the story is my Byzantine Catholic faith. In the Eastern Church, iconography is an expression of theology-as-art. We show reverence to icons in honor of the sacred events that they depict. Icons are so important to Eastern Christians that we have saints who were quite literally martyred in their defense. When I was writing the story, I did not realize at first the parallels between real-world iconography and the Noxxiin tattoos–but looking back, the connection is obvious to me. Both traditions treat art as something more than decoration, as a visible sign of spiritual reality–not a formal Sacrament, but certainly a sacramental. The whole concept of symbols, sacraments, and physical signs is one of the core ideas that the novel explores.

Mariikel is an unlikely but charming hero. Where did the idea of telling his story start?

Mariikel was one of those rare characters who appeared in my imagination almost fully formed. It all started one day in the autumn of 2019, when my friend Donan sent me some Noxxiin lore that he’d come up with: a list of ceremonial tattoos, including their typical locations, appearance, and meaning. I’d always known that tattoos were an important part of this alien culture, but in the role-playing game, we had never gotten this level of detail. The premise was fascinating to me. If the marks served as a record of formal life events–birth, education, accomplishments–then the markmakers were not only artists, but also recordkeepers, part of the legal system. That idea logically led to the question: “What if someone made a false mark? Are there criminal artists who specialize in forgery of ceremonial tattoos? And what would motivate someone to do such a thing?”

Thus, Mariikel Serix, a talented young artist with a double life as a markmaker for the exiles of the Underbelly, was born. I very quickly discovered that his criminal activity was not motivated by mercenary purposes, but by a crippling desire to make amends for a wrong he’d been forced to commit: giving a mark of exile to a man he knew to be innocent. That premise was so rich and compelling to me that the story practically wrote itself. In four months flat, I had a complete first draft (something that had never happened to me before, and I think is unlikely to ever happen again).

I honestly wasn’t sure that anyone would be interested in the story besides Donan and my other friends from the role-playing game–the whole concept of the book was so tied up in the Noxxiin culture and the larger Watchpoint world. But as I began showing the draft to friends, family, and mentors, it became clear to me that Mariikel’s moral struggle really resonated with people. I’m glad that readers love him as much as I do! (Even if his angst is, at times, exasperating.)

Which character was the most interesting to write and why?

It feels like a copout to say Mariikel, but he really was the heart of this story for me. The supporting cast was a lot of fun as well, of course. Haza’ruux, the mad markmaker, I initially included as a brief cameo from the role-playing game (where he’d appeared several times). He wasn’t satisfied with such a minor role, however, and almost immediately took over half the plot. He keeps everyone off-kilter, including me.

Another runner-up for most interesting character is Mekkalluthak, the guildmaster of the markmakers. Although the Ascendance political faction is the “big bad” of the story, I think of Mekkalluthak as the true antagonist. He is similar to Mariikel in many ways–his artistic talent, his conviction, his high regard for tradition–but his virtues have been warped by a creeping pride and ambition (which ultimately proves to be his downfall). Putting him and Mariikel in the same room was always a great recipe for drama and irony.

Did real life ever change the trajectory of the plot or characters as you wrote the book?

I can’t say that any real-life event caused me to change the plot as I wrote it. But I did have the…interesting?…experience of finishing the first draft (with its harrowing climax) in February 2020 and thinking to myself, “This is unrealistic; this level of social upheaval wouldn’t happen so quickly.” And then March 2020 happened, with its pandemic anxiety and global lockdowns, and I decided that my book was maybe not unrealistic after all. (As a disclaimer, there is no pandemic in the story! Just a vaguely similar level of, let’s say, sociopolitical stress.)

I can say that the book is very much a product of the mental and emotional circumstances in which I found myself at the time: a young person newly graduated from a rigorous, close-knit, and very Catholic institution, at which I had been academically successful–now feeling lost and lonely and overwhelmed by the problems of the “real world.” While I am grateful that I have not had to suffer in the specific ways that Mariikel does, I can say truthfully that writing his story was cathartic for me. It was a refuge in those first couple of years of finding my feet after a major life transition.

Where can we find you online to keep up with your future stories?

I have author accounts on Instagram and Facebook (@maryjessicawoods and Mary Jessica Woods, respectively). I’m not very active there currently, as I discovered that the only way for me to make any progress on my next book (and yes, there is a sequel coming! Slowly…) was to take a social media hiatus. However, I am still sending out my email newsletter on a quarterly basis. You can join the newsletter at my author website, www.maryjessicawoods.com. I have a couple of free downloads available to newsletter subscribers–short stories set in the world of Markmaker. If you enjoyed the book, be sure to check those out!

Thanks for taking the time to discuss Markmaker with me, Mary.

Thank you! It’s always a pleasure.

Memento Mori,

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I’ve been busily working on book two of The Liminal Library Series, a process that is joyfully encumbered by a baby and all my homemaking duties. I can finally say I’m done with the first-ish draft. I’d finished a draft simply to finish it, knowing I was going in a direction that inevitably wouldn’t work out. Then, after a break, I went back to tackle the last quarter and figure out what actually ought to happen, and now I’ve done that. I can happily say I’m moving on to draft two, beta readers, and God-willing, publishing eventually.

It’s a funny thing as a grown woman, with a Master’s degree and a growing family, to watch confusion and horror slowly dawn on someone who’s just asked me, “What do you write?”

They never expect me to say Christian fantasy. Isn’t that an oxymoron anyway? And aren’t there more important things to write, like devotionals and bible studies?

Why bother with fiction?

With facts like these, who needs fiction?

Aristotle in his Poetics, describes art as mimetic. Artists recognize patterns and universal qualities, adding “reality” to their art. Humans are imitative in nature, and our art imitates reality.

In this post, Don Beck put it very well: If a book doesn’t at all times reflect believable causes and effects, motivations, reactions, or emotional truths—even if it’s about wizards riding polka-dotted space-dragons through the fifth dimension—it collapses into crap. Good fiction of any type must behave like the real world, even when it doesn’t look like that world.

No wonder we value fiction for its “relatability” now. Sitcoms like The Office were beloved for the mockumentary style. “Mocumentary” was a term coined specifically to describe shows and movies that mock reality in the style of a documentary. The performative virtue, the looks to the camera, all suggest to the viewer, “we’re thinking the same thing.” Don’t get me wrong, I love The Office and many shows like it, but if we ever encountered someone behaving like Jim Halpert or Michael Scott in real life, let’s be honest, they’d be insufferable. There’s something affirming in watching the characters roll their eyes at an annoying boss, or awkwardly confess a long-time crush in the break-room, or see feuds over yogurt cups escalate. We’re able to watch it and say, “Hey, that’s me, and that’s exactly how I feel in that circumstance.”

Part of the attraction of these characters is their hyper-specificity. They feel like real people because they’re just as full of dichotomies and dissonance as a real person. But they aren’t real. They’re still exaggerated for humor and drama.

Other types of media, even those meant to be factual, are in the same state. News and social media are fictions that convince us they’re real. I often joke to my husband that I’d like to read the Founding Fathers some of today’s news headlines.

Congressman slams actress over political comment.

Pundit claps back at the politician who came for his wife.

It’s all so overstated and over the top. It’s not real. In order to figure out what’s meant, we have to dial the meaning down by 90% and then tread with skepticism. Whichever side of the aisle you’re on, we know the news is exaggerated and curated to keep us glued to the screen.

“Relatability” sells on Instagram, even though we know it’s just as scripted and edited as The Office was. Rage-bait has become impossible to avoid.

So what is the real purpose of fiction?

In her book, The Read-Aloud Family, Sarah Mackenzie dives deep into the research. It’s irrefutable: Having good fiction read aloud to them has myriad benefits for children of every age.

I’d argue these benefits don’t disappear when we grow up. Reading fiction builds our empathy and causes us to think about the transcendent.

Empathy

“A book can reach us where a news report cannot. It’s not when we hear a summary on the news of what’s happening in the Middle East that our heart catches fire. It’s when we hear the story of one person— one man, one woman, one child… It’s then that we feel the human-to-human connection. That’s when our empathy is stirred,” (page 75, The Read-Aloud Family). “In fact, researchers at Carnegie Mellon University found that reading a story gives the brain similar network connections as actually living through an experience yourself,” (page 78, The Read-Aloud Family).

The transcendent

On her podcast, Your Morning Basket, Pam Barnhill interviewed Angelina Stanford, an expert on fairytales. Here are a few of her insights:

Every single fairytale tells the gospel story, and that is because the gospel story itself is a fairy tale.

People will sometimes say, “Well, fairytales are so unrealistic. They’re teaching kids terrible things. They’re teaching kids that once you get married, life is smooth sailing.”

No, that is not what a fairytale is teaching, because that’s not how fairytales work. A fairytale is not a marriage handbook. A fairytale is pointing us to the transcendent reality of the spiritual realm. And in that reality, the bridegroom is going to marry the bride, and it is going to be happily ever after eternally.

Fairy tales, and fiction more broadly, help us to understand something real, but transcendent. In that way, they are very much true.

Even Tolkien said, “We have come from God, and inevitably the myths woven by us, though they contain error, will also reflect a splintered fragment of the true light, the eternal truth that is with God.”

This is not an exhaustive list of why we need fiction, and especially Christian fiction. I plan to write a whole post about that in the future.

But not all fiction is created equal

I hear a lot of complaints and dismissals of fiction, which usually cite bad fiction as examples. Romance novels that amount to porn, stories that blur the lines between good and evil, and the targeting of younger and younger readers for mature content are all real problems.

Basil the Great, in his Address to Young Men on the Right Use of Literature, said,

“You should not unqualifiedly give over your minds to [secular authors] as a ship is surrendered to the rudder, to follow whither they list, but that, while receiving whatever of value they have to offer, you yet recognize what it is right to ignore.”

It’s true that we have to be alert and careful about what we read, but to dismiss fiction is to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Even secular fiction might have something of value hidden within (like I talked about in my post about K-pop Demon Hunters). The point is to be alert, like Basil the Great says: receive whatever is of value and recognize what you ought to ignore.

We don’t feel when something’s not real anymore, because everything is trying to feel real, and so when fiction marks itself as fiction, we don’t know what to do with it. What is the point of fiction, we ask ourselves.

What do you think?

Memento mori,

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I'll be at the Columbus Catholic Women's Conference on Feb 21! Come say hi!

Also, one of my favorite feast days falls in February: The Feast of St. Valentine. I wrote about it last year.

So let's talk about love

I explained in my post about Adelina that I had been writing something different. A will-they-won’t-they romance with a lot of tension and endless misunderstandings that keep the two apart. I wanted Misshelved Magic to be different. I wanted to write a love-at-first-sight story that actually landed the characters in a healthy relationship that could withstand trials. With St. Valentine’s Feast Day coming up, let’s talk about the love interest. Meet Leon:

He’s a graduate student at the College of Magic who’s impressed every teacher with his mastery of magic despite his impostor syndrome. He runs into Adelina at the library while looking for a book, and that’s that. He finds her beautiful, interesting, and admires her generous heart.

When thinking about writing a male character whom Adelina could admire, but is also believably flawed, I began to think of the good men in my life. Leon became an amalgam of friends, siblings, and, of course, my husband, bearing their admirable qualities, but also the common insecurities and frustrations I hear from men I know. I wanted to write Leon’s story with compassion and realism, making him neither a bafoon nor a Marty Stu. I also wanted to highlight the fictional Edwardian era that Leon and Adelina are living in, when earnest people were deciding how tradition fit into the modernizing, more egalitarian time. Courtship was going extinct and modern dating was taking shape.

I also loved the idea that a nerdy, wide-eyed academic could have rugged skills, like farming. Most people are a collection of dichotomous stereotypes.

Leon turned out to be one of my favorite characters I’ve ever written. What did you think of him?

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So I decided to take a break. I decided to write something as unlike my current project as possible. That’s when I decided I’d write a character whose only ‘power’ was a desire to be virtuous, and Adelina was born.

Adelina is an ordinary young woman, living in an extraordinary town. She walks past the Library of Magic, the place all spells return to every day, but she’s never been past the mundane sections of the library. She’s not even supposed to touch spell books. In the eyes of the world, she’s nobody. But she finds a spell book in the history section which is supposed to be impossible, and her curiosity and compassion for the misshelved spell set her on a path to change the world. She’s not exceptionally strong, or eloquent. She simply does the right thing, and then the next right thing, and follows the path the creator has set for her.

That was the concept for Adelina, and she quickly became a whole person. She is interested in fashion, although she’s too practical and frugal to really chase trends. She likes to read poetry and has written some that she thinks is pretty good. When her family bickers with one another, she either mediates or retreats to hide. Feeling like she’s invisible is what makes her want to see and understand what’s happening with the overlooked spellbook. It’s her humility that lets her see the unseen, like encountering and even befriending the cervara, a creature that’s shrouded in mystery. It’s only when those around her don’t ignore her that things begin to be set right.

Keep an eye out for my profile of Leon next!

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In my post about K-pop Demon Hunters, I talked about how utilitarianism, among other things, has driven out the beauty in our culture. At the time, I wanted to say more on this point, but didn’t to keep the post focused. So, here I am to revisit the issue of beauty and how it’s going extinct.

What is utilitarianism?

Utility, AKA usefulness, as a measure has valid but narrow applications, yet we’re applying it to everything. HR professionals should hire the most useful employees. We read nutrition labels, trying to avoid anything that isn’t of use to the body. We streamline all our supply chains, and anywhere a human can be replaced with a program, we do it.

Defining a person, item, or idea by its usefulness makes practical sense. But it’s not the way God measures value.

Christian life, especially within a family, is often a lot like the woman who poured oil on Jesus and was told it was a waste (Matthew 26: 6–13).

The utilitarian approach

Judas speaks up, citing an argument Catholics are used to when others criticize our lavish cathedrals: “Why this waste? For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.”

Even the poor, in this context, are invoked in a utilitarian sense. They’re useful toward his argument, but Judas had no real plans to help the poor. It was virtue signaling at best.

We’ve come to a place where if something is useful, it’s good, and if it’s not useful, throw it out.

Like I said in my other post, we don’t see a reason to put gargoyles on buildings anymore. We don’t add ornate carvings to our wooden furniture. We paint everything beige, make it a rectangle, and then look for ways to be more productive in our beige box.

For example

One of the most obvious ways I’ve seen utilitarianism take over is AI. Yes, here I go criticizing AI. But hear me out.

Most of the men I know work in the tech space and were among the first to jump on the AI bandwagon. I remember at the time, bringing up concerns. What about it being used for fraud and trafficking? What about artists’ rights? How are people going to use it badly, and what safeguards should we have in place before rolling it out for public use? And I got the same response over and over: “But I could use it for [insert every use for AI under the sun].”

If it’s useful, then full steam ahead. Concerns of virtue and culture? Irrelevant because AI is useful.

In a lot of ways, AI is diminishing the value of the things it produces. If we can mass-produce music with the right prompt, what’s the value? If we can replace an employee with an AI program, what’s the value of that employee?

This is how we end up with huge corporations attempting to operate on a skeleton crew, with artificial customer support, and no recourse when your particular need or problem doesn’t fit their algorithm.

I’m not trying to disparage my tech-savvy guys. I’m pointing out how ubiquitous this thinking has become. We almost can’t see things any other way.

We even measure human life this way now. Instead of God-given dignity, we have our usefulness to society, our productivity, our output. The sickest, oldest, and poorest among us become disposable because they’re not useful. No wonder we’re burnt out and disconnected.

Life is messy

I’ve never experienced anything more wasteful than Christian family life. There is nothing efficient about it. We waste time, food, and energy constantly. I’d get a lot more done if my husband didn’t crave quality time at the end of a stressful day. If you’ve lived with a toddler, you know that they can be starving one second and then decide a single chicken nugget is filling after you’ve made them five. And reheating the other four later? Poison, as far as the child is concerned.

The tasks of family life sound simple, but each one is a nesting doll within a larger one. “Go get dressed” becomes a scavenger hunt for a particular pair of socks that “feel right with these pants,” and you may even find yourself trudging back upstairs for a new outfit once everyone’s buckled, because someone tripped in the mud right in front of the house on the way to the car. Getting kids organized is like holding a handful of water. They are the enemy of efficiency, and that’s GOOD. There’s nothing useful about a baby. I vowed to love my husband for better or worse. If he becomes less ‘useful’ to me due to illness or life circumstances, my vows don’t disappear.

This applies to friendship, too. I’ve been on many a ‘wasteful’ errand with a friend, simply because it’s time spent together.

I’m not advocating for intentional waste. I’m saying it’s just a fact of life. In fact, the most precious moments of my life come from this inefficiency. Wasting away an afternoon on a hike with my kids, baking an experimental loaf of bread so my husband can lovingly laugh at me when it fails, and hours of sleep lost to holding a precious baby; these are the moments I treasure, not that afternoon I finally caught up on emails.

We can often only measure the sum total of our life at its end. The deathbed examen is the most important, and it will be the inefficient, useless, but beautiful moments that will have brought us the most grace.

How did Jesus respond?

“Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing for me.”

Notice how he said beautiful?

God doesn’t measure our use. He made plenty of useful things, but he made them for us. He gave us a beautiful world to enjoy and cultivate, and the work of beautification is God-honoring.

Where do you find beauty in the waste?

Talk to you soon,

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Misshelved Magic is a year old!

It’s been a year of thoughtful reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, in-person book signings, and even some fan art! X is the unanimous favorite character (which is good news for the prequel), and I’ve heard from some Catholic high school teachers that they’re putting copies in their classrooms. We celebrated the launch at a local library with a read-aloud.

Awards!

Since the book’s launch, Misshelved Magic has earned the Catholic Writer’s Guild Seal of Approval and placed second in the Catholic Media Awards speculative fiction category!

I feel so blessed that a book that means so much to me has gotten so much love.

The giveaway

Because we need to celebrate somehow! I’m giving away a free copy of the audiobook of Misshelved Magic!

To enter, comment your favorite Christian fantasy book on this post, and then head over to Instagram and read the giveaway post. I’ll draw a winner on November 7.

Thank you!

I tend to read fiction readily and easily. Non-fiction takes more intention and perseverance, but I’ve always tried to make sure I’m including some non-fiction in my life. When I’m taking on something new or feeling lost, I tend to try and find a book to address it. This has been part of my faith as well. Over the years, I’ve read a handful of books that really helped me along in my understanding and practice of my faith.

The Screwtape Letters

Starting my non-fiction list off strong with a work of fiction! C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape Letters shows up on a lot of religious books lists, and with good reason. When my husband and I were dating, he found out I hadn’t read it and immediately declared we were going to read it at the same time and have a weekly date to discuss and debate it (ah, romance). I was already practicing my faith, technically, but The Screwtape Letters was the first book that made sense to apply to my faith.

Written as a series of instructive letters from a senior demon to a new demon, the lessons are taught in reverse. We watch as the young demon tries to prey on the man’s lust, pride, and fear to turn him away from “the enemy” (God), but is ultimately thwarted as the man finds and clings to Jesus. I am positive that everyone will find at least one temptation in the book that feels familiar, and with it the invitation to see how silly the demons that are playing with us are.

There You Are, God

This book is small but mighty. With short, daily reflections about finding God in our every day lives, There You Are, God is a great start for someone who doesn’t have hours to invest and needs something they can implement right away in their own life. Written by a father-daughter team, this book is for anyone who needs a little boost in their prayer life.

Pray with Us

Continuing the theme of easy-to-digest but full-of-wisdom devotionals, Mooney’s book is a page a day. Specifically, a page about a saint on their feast day. Mooney tells us why the saint is worth knowing about, what lessons a modern Christian can take from their life, and a short prayer to grow our own faith. I read this one to my kids, and I learned something new myself, too.

Divine Love Made Flesh

This is the first heavyweight on the list. Don’t fear, though; it is very well-written and you don’t need a degree in theology to be able to understand it. Cardinal Burke mixes theology with anecdotal stories of encounters with the Eucharist. This book took me from “I’m Catholic, I guess,” to “Want to go to adoration together and discuss theology after?” I highly recommend it for anyone who’s searching, as well as anyone who needs a refresher and a push in their faith.

The Great Divorce

It’s a C.S. Lewis sandwich. The Great Divorce outlines the journey of a soul who’s saved but not yet sanctified entering heaven (Misshelved Magic was indeed inspired by this book). With Lewis’s usual ability to craft metaphors that teach deep truths simply, this book is another fiction that is just as educational as a theology book.

On another note: You may have noticed some changes to my blog. I’ve officially updated the name to First Last Thing, a change I’ve been meaning to make for a while. Don’t worry, you can still expect the same content, just with a new name.

Have you read any of the books I mentioned? Is there a book I need to read?

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I’m not a theologian or professional literary critic. I'm a Midwestern, Catholic mom who really loves the art of storytelling and is trying to instill critical thinking in her children. If you disagree with any of the opinions herein… that’s awesome, and you should put it in the comments for discussion.

How it started

If you have a pulse and have been in a room with someone under 20 in the past month, you’ve heard of K-pop Demon Hunters. The songs are catchy. The characters look cool. It’s got humor that anyone of any age can enjoy. But it’s got ‘demon’ in the title! I had heard about the movie and braced myself: Christian parents are going to freak out. It’s a movie about demons for kids.

I knew it would be a matter of time before my oldest heard about the movie from someone, unless I put him on house arrest. As someone who lives in the real world, I decided I’d better watch it and have a ready answer when it comes up. Turns out, the answer is far more complicated than “But demons…”

It got me thinking about how we treat fiction in general in our culture, and more specifically in Christian circles.

Don’t get me wrong

I fully believe that we as Christians ought to consume media that is good, true, and beautiful, and avoid near occasions of sin. However, I think we’ve forgotten what good, true, and beautiful mean.

Let’s start with beautiful.

Modernism, brutalism, utilitarianism, minimalism… Whatever you want to blame, it’s clear that we don’t take the time to make things beautiful anymore. Why include a stained glass window or carve a gargoyle onto a church? What purpose does it serve? The answer used to be: we are decorating our church and making it beautiful. We are contemplating through art. Now, drive through Anywhere, USA, and you’ll see squat, angular buildings made of brick, glass, and cement, devoid of personality. Not a gargoyle in sight. We have thrown out beautiful.

Let’s talk about good.

Good has become a watered-down concept. We think something is good if it is pleasant or makes us feel nice. Good is a feeling. Never mind that nasty-tasting medications, repetitive tasks at work, and lima beans are good. If we deem it good, we usually also decide it's true. In a morally subjective culture, the answer to “What is good?” is “Whatever you want it to be.”

In other words, “Nothing.”

What is truth?

The question Pontius Pilate asked. The only metric we have left after the loss of beautiful and good. Jesus said He is the truth, but how do we apply that practically? We cite science— I can measure, test, and record it. Or we turn to social media and authority figures— an influencer I trust said it. If I can’t measure it, and no authority I trust has declared it good, it’s bad. This ever-shrinking metric for truth is found even in the church. If my pastor or bishop hasn’t said it’s true and good, it’s bad. Even if it’s been deemed permissible by the church, aren’t we holier to avoid it anyway? We closely guard what we consider true. The number of ideas we put in the “untrue” category grows and grows, and the media we can consume shrinks and shrinks until we can’t watch, read, or listen to anything that isn’t branded CHRISTIAN in big bold letters. Otherwise, we must fear it.

I think there’s a remedy to this: understanding storytelling.

But fiction means untrue

Speculative fiction goes even further by suspending the natural law to a degree. So it must be bad.

Right?

And as I watched Kpop Demon Hunter to determine its value, I contemplated all the people who wouldn't watch it simply because of the title. It’s got ‘demon’ in the title. My own book has ‘magic’ in the title. Can they be good, true, and beautiful? I don’t think it’s a surprise that my answer is yes.

Finally, the review--Spoilers ahead.

It becomes quickly apparent that the movie’s definition of ‘demon’ is not the Christian one. The demons are either all, or in part, humans who have committed grave acts of evil. They seek to steal the souls of living humans for their leader, Gwi-Ma. The main antagonist, Jinu, is one such human-now-demon, a man who betrayed his family. The demon hunters are a K-pop girl group who protect the land with music, driven by their lead singer, Rumi. Their voices can cast a magical field that keeps demons away, but it is in constant need of repair, and so they keep releasing tracks. Eventually, they will seal the evil out entirely. So far, we have a strong sense of good vs. evil, something that’s missing from a lot of movies these days. We like anti-heroes and sympathetic villains. But in K-pop Demon Hunters, we, the audience, want good to triumph over evil. So that’s good and true. The characters are using music and performance to do so, which is artistically beautiful (and the movie is beautiful). At the outset, the story serves us good, true, and beautiful.

Then we learn that Rumi is half-demon because of her parentage. What a great metaphor for original sin. We’re created good by God, and then born into sin, which we must resist and persevere through. That’s the central narrative: resist participating in evil. As Rumi and Jinu learn more about one another, Jinu is inspired by Rumi’s perseverance and begins to wonder if he can change. He desires repentance. The movie was also refreshingly devoid of the battle of the genders. The male characters were strong. The female characters were strong. The two main characters found mutual respect. Aside from that respect and some childish crushes played for comedy, there was nothing in the way of romance.

The demon part of Rumi, which I’d call her concupiscence(tendency toward sin), begins to grow and gain control of her. We, as the audience, begin to fear she’ll give in and join Gwi-Ma until she reveals it was a ruse to get close to Gwi-Ma and use her voice to seal him out of the world permanently. Having battled her demon half for so long already, she enters the battle injured and tired, and there’s no way she can win. Then Jinu sacrifices himself, giving her the last bit of power to overcome Gwi-Ma. It’s a beautiful depiction of the ultimate repentance: laying down one’s own life for another to right an injustice he participated in. All in all, I found the allegory and storytelling to have inadvertently affirmed many tenets of Christianity, such as perseverance against sin, repentance, forgiveness, and good triumphing over evil.

But it’s not a perfect movie. One of the resolutions is Rumi resisting her demon side to seal out evil, which is great. However, I think the writers got ambitious and muddied the waters. Another part of the resolution is Rumi accepting who she is as a half-demon and letting go of her shame. The marks that show she is part demon become permanent. In one sense, we can interpret this to mean that we are to accept our sins and just be okay with them. I don’t think that’s the best interpretation. We have to accept we are sinners, but we don’t have to make it part of our identity. I think the message of not letting shame control us is good, but rejecting shame and unconditional self-acceptance are presented as one. This is where the blunt instrument of fiction can't cut precisely.

So is it an okay movie?

That depends on your kid. If you have a kid who’s learning about the faith and is ready for a cerebral exercise in story analysis, I think this is the perfect movie for it. I intend to ask my kid questions like: How did the movie get the nature of demons wrong? What do you think happened to Jinu after he gave his power to Rumi? Do you think that sealing Gwi-Ma out of their world means no one can sin anymore? None of these questions has a concrete answer in the movie, but what a great discussion to have with a child who’s making sense of their faith.

In conclusion

K-pop Demon Hunters does not fit neatly in the “good” or “bad” box. No fiction really does. But instead of throwing the baby out with the bathwater, I think Christians need to reclaim our God-given ability to critically think about the things we consume. St. Paul says in Acts: For as I was walking along, I saw your many shrines. And one of your altars had this inscription on it: ‘To an Unknown God.’ This God, whom you worship without knowing, is the one I’m telling you about.

God’s love is everywhere, and his truth is not threatened by a sinful world. If St. Paul can claim the Altar to an Unknown God, for the one true God, then we can teach our children to view media like K-pop Demon Hunters through a Catholic lens. What do you think? What other questions would be good to strike a discussion with a child?

Talk to you soon,

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Buy it here

My review

Happy release day to The Bicycle Messenger by Joan Elizabeth Bauer!

A plot that spans generations and takes a look at mental health and family dynamics? Get me tissues and sign me up!

Here is the synopsis:

In the 1970s, when a distant cousin dies unexpectedly, Mary Ellen and Charles Hawley agree to take his seven-year-old son Steven into their home. Steven’s birth mother, a Polish immigrant, has schizophrenia and can’t assume custody. But in a last traumatic visit, she convinces her son that a mysterious presence called the bicycle messenger has followed him into his new life.

Years later, Steven, a recovering alcoholic with a history of bipolar disorder, is working as a short-order cook. To Megan Helmsworth, a college student waiting tables, he is a sweet, doting boyfriend. But Steven becomes more and more preoccupied with his lost family of origin, and when a manic swing sends him on a quixotic journey to Poland, Megan seizes her chance to escape. In a well-meaning attempt to shelter her fragile son, Mary Ellen agrees to harbor a secret no mother should ever keep.

Told through the eyes of the three women who love Steven best—Mary Ellen, Megan, and his adoptive sister Margaret—The Bicycle Messenger is a story of generational trauma that stretches from the last days of the Kraków ghetto in 1942 all the way to 2016. But it is also a story of unexpected grace.

Joan was kind enough to discuss The Bicycle Messenger with me.

The interview

Tell me about your daily life. What are you doing if you're not writing?

I start my day with Magnificat and usually attend daily Mass. Most days, I either walk with a friend (bonus points if she brings her dog!) or run a few miles with my husband, who recently retired from his second career teaching English at a small Catholic high school. Our grown children live out of state, so we talk on the phone and visit often. When I’m not writing, you can usually find me reading, daydreaming, cooking, grocery shopping, wandering through a farmer’s market, or volunteering with St. Vincent de Paul—especially if it means I can put off doing yardwork or cleaning my closet.

How did you come up with the idea for this book? Did it start with a character, a premise, or something else?

I guess you could say that the premise came first. When our kids were little, a young family in our neighborhood adopted a little boy whose biological parents could no longer take care of him. In a matter of months, the mother went from changing diapers straight into a world of homework and classroom bullying. It was a great leap of faith, and she handled it with such grace. But they moved away, so I didn’t see how it turned out—leaving me free to imagine my own story. Meanwhile, a dear friend of ours had put his whole life on hold to take care of a brother who developed bipolar disorder in his twenties. Long before cell phones or the internet, the brother had a psychotic break and took off suddenly for Hawaii. Our friend had to fly there and trace him the old-fashioned way, notifying the local authorities, checking hospitals and shelters, following whatever clues he had. I began to imagine a mother in this situation, searching for the son she’d adopted in difficult circumstances who has now disappeared. I gave her a lot of mixed feelings, a lot of guilt over her own past behavior toward him. And while most readers might not share Mary Ellen’s experience of raising a child with a mental illness, many of us can relate to the challenge of guiding a son or daughter through the social and emotional perils of growing up.

How do your personal interests show up in the book?

I love older houses, antique furniture, and neighborhoods with mixed architecture and mature trees. I also love to poke around in consignment shops. In the book, Mary Ellen, who has grown up with money, is initially attracted to Charles when she overhears him discussing the cast-off furniture he will use in a production of A Doll’s House. She later accompanies Charles to a consignment shop, and they eventually furnish a rambling older home with reupholstered chairs and an antique grandfather clock. The clock plays a role in the book’s eventual crisis and denouement.

Tell me a little about the historical research that went into this book.

I didn’t really set out to write a work of historical fiction—I was a kid in the nineteen-seventies, so that doesn’t feel like the distant past to me! But the characters began to call out for more history. I had always planned that Steven would travel to Poland to search for the truth about his birth mother, and she needed an origin story that would make her difficult to trace. Lots of families, especially Jewish families, were separated during World War II, so I started reading Holocaust narratives. Director Roman Polanski was detained as a child in the Kraków ghetto, and I learned a lot from his memoir about how children coped in this situation. Nechama Tec’s data-driven book When Light Pierced the Darkness: Christian Rescue of Jews in Nazi-Occupied Poland gave me a clear sense of what might be plausible in my story. Another great source was The Kraków Ghetto Pharmacy, a memoir by Tadeusz Pankiewicz, a Roman Catholic who remained with the Jews in the Kraków ghetto until it was liquidated.

I find World War II fascinating too. Which character was the most interesting to write and why?

I think I enjoyed writing Megan the most. Her voice and story came very naturally to me. She’s so young when we meet her, and she doesn’t foresee the far-reaching consequences of her actions. That made her a poignant character to write.

Did real life ever change the trajectory of the plot or characters?

Yes, it did. In the summer of 2016, in the midst of writing this book, we were one of about a dozen families to host a teen from Northern Ireland for four weeks as part of the Ulster Project of Greater Milwaukee. This project involves retreats, community service, and education about peace initiatives, as well as fun social activities and field trips. I helped chaperone a group visit to the Jewish Museum of Milwaukee, where the wife of a deceased Holocaust survivor spoke to us about her husband’s experiences. That was when I first began to imagine Esther Kopecky, a spirited social worker who befriends Mary Ellen near the end of her life. Esther later became a key figure in the catharsis we experience through the eyes of Steven’s sister Margaret at the end of the book.

Where can we find you online to keep up with your future stories?

I share news about my writing on my Substack, Recent Reads, along with book reviews from a Catholic perspective. Readers can also find links to my published work on my website,

https://joanelizabethbauer.com/

Thanks for taking the time to discuss The Bicycle Messenger with me, Joan.

It was such a pleasure! Thank you for having me!

—

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Where to get it

Amazon

My review

In celebration of the one year anniversary of The Oystercatcher of Southwark, I sat down with Erica Colahan Ruggieri to learn more about the behind the scenes. I was interested to read The Oystercatcher of Southwark because of the dual timeline and the fact that it was based on the author’s real-life family history.

Mary is an Italian-Catholic immigrant in love with a Jewish Socialist, Jakob, in 1897. She’s disowned by her family and leaves behind her dreams for the future to be with Jakob.

In 2018, all Bella knows is that her great-great-grandmother, Mary, died in an asylum, accused of trying to drown her children. Bella is navigating divorce and grief when she’s contacted by Sophie, who claims to be related to Jakob. Bella sets out to learn the truth of what happened to Mary and learns a lot about herself on the journey.

I felt the greatest strength of Oystercatcher was Colahan’s ability to portray characters who are flawed, facing difficult circumstances, and ultimately relatable in their humanity.

Erica was kind enough to discuss The Oystercatcher of Southwark with me.

The interview

Tell me about your daily life. What are you doing if you're not writing?

I'm the mother of five children, so my daily life is filled with the usual tasks associated with raising humans. I work full-time as an Accounts Payable Manager in veterinary healthcare and am an avid reader. When I'm not reading and writing creative fiction, I enjoy taking long walks with my dog, listening to live music, cooking, knitting, and kayaking on the local lake.

This book is partially based on the true story of your own family. How did the idea for the fictional account start?

I grew up outside Philadelphia hearing rumors that my great-great-grandmother Mary tried to drown her children and then herself in the Delaware River before being committed to an asylum. Captivated, I pictured the scene every time I passed the river, and the story has percolated since childhood. At some point, a family member suggested someone write a novel about Mary, and I decided it was time to research and bring this difficult story to light. Historical fiction is a powerful vehicle that enables us to learn from the past and brings healing to the present.

There’s a rich cast of characters set in two different time periods. How do your personal interests show up in the characters or plot?

Most of the characters in the novel are based on actual people from my family and historical figures. The modern-day heroine, Bella, is based on a conglomerate of every female in my large extended family. She represents myself, my mother, my grandmothers, aunts, and female cousins, and carries our collective interests & dreams.

Mary's nicknames are birds, and birds play a big metaphorical role in the book. How did that come about?

I wanted to incorporate elements of Charlotte Brontë's novel, Jane Eyre, into my book because I admire Jane's bold decisions as she navigates the ultimate struggle between independence and autonomy versus loyalty and love—both familial and romantic. Mary's journey in Oystercatcher also includes these elements. One of my favorite passages from Jane Eyre is "I am no bird; and no net ensnares me." This theme winds through Mary's life, so it felt natural to employ different bird nicknames for her.

Which character was the most interesting to write and why?

Vincenzo Carpinelli is a fictional character who introduced himself to me as a sort of conduit character early in my writing. The story needed a centralized person who could connect the characters and bring information from one to another. A fishmonger at the market was the perfect solution, and Cenzo answered the call. He's sweet, funny, and resourceful. He's also utterly devoted to our heroine, and for that, I adore him.

Did real life ever change the trajectory of the plot or characters as you wrote the book?

I continued researching Mary's story with my mother while writing the first draft of Oystercatcher. As we uncovered more facts, the story took a slightly different course. There is one scene in the book where Bella and Sophie are at the Philadelphia Archives. In reality, it was my mom and I who found the asylum register there. Once I saw Mary's name listed on the intake ledger, I decided to dig deep into her experience at Blockley. The asylum scenes were challenging to write because of their emotionally charged and uncomfortable nature. I may have chickened out, but seeing my ancestor's name in ink gave me the determination I needed to bring her difficult experience to light.

Where can we find you online to keep up with your future stories?

I have a blog on my website, www.ericacolahan.com, where I share author news and stories of humor & hope.

Thanks for taking the time to discuss The Oystercatcher of Southwark with me, Erica.

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Roses/Lotus/Violet/ Iris by Haley Williams

Not only was King Lief’s wife named Iris, but it was pride and competition that was their downfall. This song is about not comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy, and I wanted to write a heroine who didn’t feel the need to compete with every other woman (even when her fiancee is hanging out with the princess.)

Mausoleum by Rafferty

This song could have been written by Monoculle himself. The library walkways are his to wander like a soul trapped in a mausoleum, pining for a past life and love that is gone. The haunting, but dance-worthy melody would be a great instrumental for the cervara-- Monoculle in particular.

Beautiful Day to Die by Vision Video

Another song that’s on this list for vibes, not a literal lyrical interpretation. I feel the song is about saying goodbye with intention and making the departure count. When Leon and Adelina are in danger, the cervara’s fears are put aside quickly because if they’re going, they’re going to make it count. This song would be great for the “final battle” if Misshelved Magic ever became a movie.

Boom Boom Ba by Mattise

This song was featured in the show Dead Like Me and I’ll be honest, the show came to mind sometimes while I was writing Misshelved Magic. It had the spooky, but funny vibe I was going for. I love that the beat mimics a heartbeat, maybe a heartbeat that has since stopped…

What did you think of the soundtrack? Did any of the songs surprise you? Did I leave off a song that fits? Let me know!

Happy reading,

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Better Off Alone by Purity Ring

Three words: Angutus and Risu 😭

The lyrics are self-explanatory. I really like the vibe of this rendition and played it a lot while I was writing. I think it captures the tension of two people who want to be together but can’t for one reason or another.

Warrior by Aurora

I hear this song as if it is a conversation between Monoculle and Adelina. Can you guess which lines are Monoculle? Can you hear Adelina respond? This song, to me, is about fighting for what’s right even when things feel hopeless. These lyrics sum up Monoculle’s situation pretty well:

I can't recall last time/ I opened my eyes to see the world as beautiful/ And I built a cage to hide in/ I'm hiding, I'm trying to battle the night.

Talking to Myself by Gatlin

I’m sure this song is about a breakup, but I first heard it when I was deep in grief, and that colored the way I heard it. The song evokes the sense of empty space that is left behind when someone you love dies, and how you keep bumping into that empty space. In the lyrics, Gatlin is describing counting up the things you wish you could say face-to-face. If you’ve read the book, you know why this song is here.

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths

Throughout the book Leon feels the pressure to earn accolades and prestige. He isn’t particularly dramatic or selfish. He wants to provide a good future for Adelina, after all. As his feelings of failure mount, he keeps waiting to get what he wants. This song makes me think of Leon's final temptation. If you've read the book, you know what I'm talking about. I think it's make great instrumentals for that scene if Misshelved Magic was ever a movie.

I’ll share more of the behind-the-scenes of this playlist next time. Do you like any of these songs?

Happy reading,

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I find music is one of the fastest ways to get into a particular mood. That being the case, I look to music as inspiration while I’m writing. It’s exciting to find a song that perfectly captures what my character is going through. I like to make playlists for my writing projects, and Misshelved Magic especially had cinematic and musical quality.

In my next few posts, I’ll walk through a (mostly spoiler-free) explanation of how each song ended up on the playlist and how I feel it fits into the story.

The songs:

Mountain Song by Tophouse

This is the theme song. I’d already finished my first draft when Spotify suggested this song based on some other stuff I’d listened to. I listened, then dropped everything and listened again with the lyrics pulled up. One of the main components of Misshelved Magic is how Adelina and Leon navigate their relationship. Sometimes they’re on the same page. Other times they are not. Late in the first draft, I realized that Leon would be the type to read lots of autobiographies of people who made history, so I gave him a personal hero who'd summited a mountain. He takes this dedication and perseverance into his relationship with Adelina. I used the metaphor of climbing a mountain to portray their challenges, and how it is by working together that they won’t lose their way. Leon decides that Adelina has to be his compass if he's going to scale the mountain of problems before him. If Misshelved Magic was a movie, I think this would be the main musical theme.

Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

This is X’s theme. X promises Adelina that she's safe as long as he's around, and that promise endures even the worst thing that happens to Adelina. I don’t read these lyrics with a strict theological interpretation of how a guardian angel works, but in the metaphorical way we use it. When someone has our back and will do anything to see us succeed, we call them a guardian angel. The lyric “Even if saving you sends me to heaven,” is especially poignant. If you've read the book, you get this lyric.

Fear by Blue October

Blue October is a particular favorite of mine. I might ramble about Blue October again someday. But as for the Misshelved Magic soundtrack, this song encourages the listener to stop letting fear hold you hostage. This is the character arc I chose for Adelina because I wanted a heroine who had to choose between doing what’s safe and doing what’s right. Adelina lets go of fear, not because there’s no danger, but because she won’t ignore what she knows she needs to do.

Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish

The chorus of this song is very appropriate to the relationship Adelina and X develop. "As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you... If I could change the way that you see yourself…” It’s what X feels while counseling Adelina about her relationship with Leon.

I’ll share more of the behind-the-scenes of this playlist next time. Do you like any of these songs?

Happy reading,

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I am delighted that Christian fiction, especially Catholic fiction, has learned to prioritize a good story over using a story as a frame for a sermon. Good stories don’t need to be made Christian, because the greatest stories derive their goodness from touching our hearts, much like faith.

When a story takes a Christian view of things, it means certain parts of the world in the book are granted, and if they’re not, there must be an allegorical reason. For example, we expect Christian fiction to acknowledge that heaven is real and that it is the proper goal of a life lived in friendship with Christ. If world-building or themes divert from a Christian worldview, it could be to highlight a tension between the story and the truth.

I believe the closer a matter gets to God himself, the less we’re willing to suspend disbelief.

A good story has tension, what we call stakes. We remain aware of what the characters stand to lose, or the tale will lull and become boring. A story should end when the tension is resolved.

That’s why heaven poses a problem in fiction. We know from scripture that the rift between heaven and earth is not so big that the two never touch. Angels visit humans, and people are granted visions of heaven and hell. The problem is trying to write fiction about these visitors from heaven or set in heaven itself.

Heaven comes after the tension, by definition. Revelation 21:4 says,

So how do you write compelling fiction set in a place where there can be no mourning, crying, or pain? What do characters who live in the presence of the perfection of God have to strive for? What can they lose?

I mentioned the Left Behind books before. I’ll admit I tried to read them in middle school and failed to finish the first one. When I began to think about this blog post, I read the Wikipedia summary, spoilers, and all.

Warning: spoilers ahead.

According to my skim of Wikipedia, the main characters of Left Behind weather the apocalypse and go to heaven. Once there, the books go on for several more installments where the characters have to deal with a sort of rebellion mirroring the fall of Lucifer. I got the sense that it turns into a political thriller that happens to be set in a place called Heaven.

Nonetheless, the Left Behind books opted for a completely fictionalized version of heaven in which the almighty God has somehow lost control of paradise, and it’s up to the characters to fix it. That’s all well and good, given that fiction, by its nature, means partially or totally untrue.

I feel, though, that no small percentage of Christian readers become more protective of the Truth the closer it gets to God himself. We don’t want God portrayed as incompetent. We don’t want to imagine strife in heaven. This is not a tension that is enjoyable or edifying to read. At least, if a knight fights a dragon, we can relate it to our own challenges. Struggle in heaven? What am I supposed to do with that?

I ran into this problem while writing Missheved Magic. Fictional tension can’t coexist with a true representation of heaven, but we do our best. I felt it important to sidestep the scenario where God is a malicious riddle-giver who’s out for a “gotcha.” I also didn’t like portraying God as incompetent in some way.

Did I do that successfully? Well, you’ll have to read it and let me know because: spoilers.

I think a lot about how many liberties fiction can take with the Truth, and the answer will vary from reader to reader and author to author.

What do you think? Have you read any good fictional stories involving heaven or characters from heaven? What made it work?

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Valentine’s Day is widely celebrated to focus on romantic love. People buy flowers, go to dinner, and cover everything in hearts. Even the Roman god, Cupid, has made his way into the symbology by way of little angel-winged cherubs with bows and arrows. I will resist a tangent about how Cupid already had symbology which had nothing to do with baby angels.

I see a bifurcation happening in the fantasy genre. It seems like the only books that sell are the ones that pile on as much lust and gore as possible. I think there is a market, however, that wants good clean fantasy that focuses on virtue, heroism, and sacrifice. The same division has been made of Valentine’s feast day. Are we celebrating lust or virtue?

Just like every annoying uncle who comes out of the woodwork on Valentine’s Day to rationalize not having to think of a gift for his wife again this year, I’m here to remind everyone that St. Valentine was a celibate Roman Catholic priest who was martyred.

Valentine lived in the 3rd century and is the patron saint of lovers, people with epilepsy, and beekeepers. The historicity of aspects of his story are up for debate, but the story holds that marriage was outlawed in an attempt to prevent soldiers from having divided interests. Men without wives are more willing to die for the cause. St. Valentine is said to have continued to perform weddings in secret, even after being imprisoned for doing so, and was eventually martyred. His skull is on display in Rome wearing a flower crown. It’s the single most Catholic image I can think of, short of a crucifix.

So it’s very appropriate to celebrate love on St. Valentine’s feast day. If anything, we’ve sold him short. Valentine teaches us what it means to “lay down one’s life for one’s friends,” (John 15:13). We’re told that “greater love no man has than this.” The love St. Valentine embodied was not Cupid’s arrow, causing us to fall into infatuation. His love was the sort that lays down its own life. He was willing to die for the sacrament of marriage, for his vocation as a priest, and in obedience to his Lord. His was a long-suffering and unshakeable love that put the good of another’s soul above his own life.

I think the invitation on St. Valentine’s feast day is to contemplate how I love. Who am I willing to lay down my life for? Am I prepared for my inevitable death?

Memento mori, remembering our own death, is a practice devoid of warm fuzzies. It’s hard to imagine death coexisting with the red hearts and chocolates that we bring out on Valentine’s day, but Valentine himself shows us they do. Great love lays down its life.

I’ll be contemplating these things as I eat chocolate covered strawberries later. How are you celebrating?

A more personal update

I’ll be at the Columbus Catholic Women’s Conferece this Saturday and Sunday selling copies of Misshelved Magic at the Catholi Writer’s Guild booth. Stop by and say hi!

Memento mori,

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With that summary out of the way, I’d like to get down to my favorite character: Death.

Yes, that’s right. Death is a recurring character who appears in most of the books, which makes sense because he turns up every time someone, well, dies. He looks like the Grim Reaper with a skeletal head, black cloak, and scythe. His speech is always stylized in small caps so that his voice is instantly recognizable even in print.

Upon Pratchett’s death in 2015, his official Twitter was updated to the following:

This was a touching announcement of Pratchett’s death, presenting him as one of his own characters, being led by Death into whatever came next. Pratchett had spent years portraying Death as a pretty normal guy who admittedly doesn’t understand human emotions but is generally just doing his job. He’s just there to walk people to the afterlife. He tends to bees and his athenaeum of hourglasses (one for every living thing on the Disc). He has staff in his home who he treats well, and he’s affectionate toward his horse. He even looks after a human girl who calls him father. In every opportunity that Pratchett could have made Death scary and eldritch, he went in the opposite direction. Characters are afraid to meet Death but generally find he’s quite neutral in his judgment of human affairs. He’s known to taunt or play pranks on humans now and again, but he doesn’t enjoy suffering. In fact, there's an entire book in which Death experiences the human condition. This is not a scary entity. He’s just maintaining order and making sure souls get where they need to go. He’s not the problem. He’s the problem’s secretary.

Of course, given my love of the practice of memento mori, I was immediately in love with Pratchett’s representation. Admittedly, Pratchett was vocally atheist. His representation of Death was not intended in a Christian way, however, I still think he got a few things right. There is no guile or malice in Death. He’s just a fact of nature. I offer that if Death is the secretary, then the problem is sin.

Saint John Chrysostom said, in a homily:

For this is a childish terror of ours, if we fear death, but are not fearful of sin. Little children too are afraid of masks, but fear not the fire. On the contrary, if they are carried by accident near a lighted candle, they stretch out the hand without any concern towards the candle and the flame . . . Just so we too have a fear of death . . . but have no fear of sin . . . so that if we were once to consider what death is, we should at no time be afraid of it. What then, I pray you, is death? Just what it is to put off a garment. For the body is about the soul as a garment; and after laying this aside for a short time by means of death, we shall resume it again with the more splendour. What is death at most? It is a journey for a season; a sleep longer than usual!

The quote is much longer, but I trimmed it for ease of reading.

If Terry Pratchett got one thing right in his portrayal of Death it is that we should not be afraid and that death does not undo the value of a life. When we do see that clocked skeletal figure coming our way, we can face it and say, “I knew you’d be coming eventually, and so I have prepared.”

Happy reading,

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I am doing an ebook giveaway over on my Instagram if you want to try to win a free copy this week!

Can't wait to chat with you then!

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It’s been quite a month

The most amazing part of this book launch was finally being able to share the wild troupe of characters that have been living in my brain for years. I am so grateful to everyone who bought, read, recommended, or reviewed Misshelved Magic.

I’ve also set a goal to reach 50 Amazon reviews, so if you’ve finished it, please leave a review here.

My favorite bits of feedback have been: “It’s like Harry Potter for adults!” and “I just finished your book. How dare you?”

What now?

I’ve got several plans in the works including a read-along-with-the-author on Instagram, a breakdown of the Misshelved Magic playlist on Spotify, and some giveaways. Stay tuned on my social media.

I’m also still working on the second book, a prequel. It’s about 90% done (and the last 10% is giving me grief).

Again, thank you for being part of my little bookish community.

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