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“Your greatest gift lies next to your deepest wound.” - Philip Mckernan

This weekend I was watching Bob Marley’s biopic ‘One Love’.

There was a particular conversation that really struck me between him and his wife Rita which took place shortly after he found out he had cancer.

By this point he’d already made his presence known on the global stage and was touring, but after the diagnosis he was left questioning his path. All he’d seen was struggle since he was born and it was ironic that although he was preaching peace, he could barely experience it himself.

In moments of doubt, when we begin to believe our shadow more than our light, it takes a special someone to believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. And in so doing, remind us of who we really are.

As he was expressing his doubt and frustration his wife Rita said;

“You can’t see di reason?”

“All that struggle”, she said,

“that’s the source of your power.”

Goosebumps.

It made me emotional.

I had tears in my eyes because she spoke to my soul with that sentence.

Recently I’ve been experiencing a bone deep, soul level exhaustion from multiple hardships compounding over time. I feel as though I began to feel this when i was still in the womb. Its felt relentless. It’s been hurdle after hurdle. But now as I look back and reflect I see how it’s shaped me. When you’re going through the thing it’s always hard to see the meaning in it. As time does its thing, you see how you’ve become a different person. How you’ve grown in so many quiet ways.

Rita goes on to say,

“You know sometime, the messenger has to become the message.”

Goosebumps again.

I’m reminded of the words Gandhi once said;

“My life is my message”

It’s a reminder that in continually walking through the fire of your life with sincerity and commitment, the way you live your life becomes the message for others. In a way you become clear river water so that when others look a the water they see a better reflection of themselves.

My prayer in this moment is to become clearer water so that you may see your true essence more clearly and feel inspired to live from that space each day.

With love,

V

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. This is a reader-supported publication so if you’re able to and value my words, please consider becoming a paid subscriber (£7/month), so I can continue to make a positive impact with integrity. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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I was on the phone to a friend recently and said:

“I don’t want to be onstage pretending anymore. It’s time to exit stage and reflect.”

At some point, you get exhausted by performance. Not just your own but everyone else’s too. Your tolerance for bullshit drops to zero and you start cutting out anything that no longer feels honest.

Clearing your life requires boundaries.

Boundaries change how people experience you.

When you start honouring who you actually are, some people will support you.

Others won’t.

They’ll judge you.
They’ll criticise you.
And some will quietly (or loudly) turn you into the villain.

Not because you’ve done something wrong, but because you’ve stopped playing the role they benefited from.

You’re no longer the emotional caretaker. You’re no longer over-explaining. You’re no longer available in the same way.

That disrupts people.

The deeper you go in your search for truth, the more likely it is you’ll challenge someone else’s version of reality.

People don’t like that because it disrupts their status quo.

So here’s something to reflect on:

Where are you still pretending in your life?

Notice I didn’t ask if you’re pretending.

Most of us are, somewhere.

Sometimes pretending helps us get through the day as a coping mechanism because it feels more exhausting to explain to people why you’re feeling low. Although its well meaning, sometimes you just don’t want to hear another person say “I’m here if you want to talk”. Sometimes you just don’t want to talk about it anymore so its better you just pretend everything is ok for a while just to get through the moment or the day.

Other times pretending doesn’t serve us at all leaving us feeling more exhausted because in that moment it takes more effort to pretend than it does to just be where you are.

With love,

V

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. This is a reader-supported publication so if you’re able to and value my words, please consider becoming a paid subscriber (£7/month), so I can continue to make a positive impact with integrity. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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Recently my brother’s fiancé said the following words to me:

“You talk a lot about healing and forgiveness but the way you’re handling this doesn’t reflect that.”

This was in response to a boundary I had set to no longer see them.

People are comfortable with your journey…as long as it doesn’t inconvenience them. When you do begin to heal you’ll see through the games they play and the illusions they hide behind.

Family dysfunction thrives on secrecy and support. It feeds on a lack of boundaries. Through time it eats away your soul. Pieces of you begin to disappear from the mirror each day until you no longer recognise who you are because your entire identity has merged with theirs. Or maybe you didn’t even have the space to develop your own identity. Families hide all forms of abuse because they want to continue the illusion of a “happy family” for the world.

The way they keep it hidden is through manipulation.

Manipulation knows no race. It lives in the minds of people who seek to control others to make themselves feel more powerful. They make you the villain in the story for wanting to choose differently.

Healing and forgiveness are not all about love and light - where we unconditionally accept everything that is thrown at us. A place of zero judgment. We will always have a level of judgment toward others whether its overt or subtle. To think you do not judge anyone is your spiritual ego talking. The part of you that thinks you’ve risen above others.

To me, healing is about sitting with the truth of my story without rushing to make it palatable for others. People bypass sitting with their feelings because it is uncomfortable. Allowing themselves to deeply feel into the anger, rage, sadness, and grief and allow its wisdom to guide the way they set boundaries to avoid more harm being caused to themselves and others.

You can choose to love people and not have them in your life.

You can choose to forgive people and not have them in your life.

You can also choose to never forgive someone for what they did.

Healing is a personal journey. What one person needs will not look the same as what the next person needs. How much abuse do we overlook just because it’s “family”?

I am the eldest of three sons.

As a young Indian boy, I was taught two things:

Respect your elders and,

Stay loyal to your family no matter what.

I saw my parents continually go back to their siblings and cousins, even though they were wronged time and time again. It was the guilt of abandoning the family that kept pulling them back, and it tore a piece of their heart each time. It was also the fear of what others might think.

Sons don’t walk away. They’re expected to be “pillars of strength” for the family, to absorb the tension, manage the politics, and carry it all when they’re old enough. There’s an unspoken expectation to inherit the family’s generational trauma and deal with it, even if it comes at the expense of your own wellbeing.

Why are we expected to respect others simply because they are biologically older, especially when those “elders” are the very ones who caused harm? We accept these power dynamics by default when we are born, rarely questioning them for most of our lives. But respect should be earned, not expected.

Who are classed as “elders” anyway? Biological age does not equal wisdom or emotional maturity.

Within the Indian community, we don’t talk enough about how walking away from your family is sometimes the healthiest option because its shameful. Is it really shameful to be the first person to truly choose yourself?

When you walk away, it will piss people off — because it shines a light on their loss of control over you. It can also force them to confront the choices they never made for themselves, and the people they didn’t walk away from.

Walking away isn’t weakness.

It isn’t cowardly.

It’s choosing yourself when no one else will.

And when you are continually dealing with people who show no signs of change, walking away becomes the most honest thing you can do for your own mental health.

Don’t be afraid to be the first to walk away.

With love,

V

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. This is a reader-supported publication so if you’re able to and value my words, please consider becoming a paid subscriber (£7/month), so I can continue to make a positive impact with integrity. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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Yellow roses.

Ferrero Rocher.

Guylian chocolate seashells.

That’s what my mum loves.

Every year on Mother’s Day I would buy them for her.

I would give her a call to catch up and send a nice card.

But not this year.

This year, we’re estranged.

Part of me can’t believe I’m typing these words because it’s the last thing I ever expected to say. But in many ways, I’m not surprised. Hindsight is 20/20, and if I’m honest, another part of me saw this coming. I just didn’t want to believe it would actually happen.

After years and years of conversations that led nowhere, I made the difficult decision to take space from my parents. I changed my number and intentionally chose not to give it to them, at least for now.

I’m sharing this because being human is messy. So many of us are experiencing things the world can’t see. Invisible battles while we spin multiple plates just trying to survive.

I’m sharing a part of my story to shine a light on the messiness of being human, but also to honour anyone else who is estranged from their parents and struggles with Mother’s or Father’s Day.

For some people, today is a day of celebration.

For others, it’s a complicated day that brings up all sorts of emotions.

I’m especially speaking to those who are grieving their mother while she is still alive.

On this day you’ll see many people posting pictures of their mum with some grateful caption to go with it. There’s two things I want to say about that. First, if you have a genuinely great relationship with your mum I am so happy and grateful for you because that’s special, especially as you get older. However, we have to take all those pictures/videos with a pinch of salt because social media only represents 0.00001% of someone’s story. Second, there are many of us who won’t be posting today because it is simply not our truth right now. It is painful to witness others have what we deeply yearn for ourselves.

It’s been a haunting week for me because I knew this day was coming. I kept asking myself;

Do I send something? Do I say something?

The fantasy of a happy family still aches in my heart. I wish things were different. I wish I could do simple things like call my mum for a catch-up or go over for dinner every now and again.

But I can’t.

Because the truth is, there is more downside than upside to that. So I’ve had to take space — maybe not forever, but at least for the foreseeable future.

No one teaches us how to navigate this part of the human experience. We grow up expecting family to be permanent and safe. No one prepares us for the possibility that maintaining that relationship might come at the cost of our own wellbeing.

I thought we were very close.

But that closeness was built on me being her saviour and her shoulder to cry on. Slowly, I was moulded into something strong and immovable — a statue that absorbed all her pain.

I played a role I never asked for.

For a while, I even took pride in how emotionally strong I was. How much emotional turmoil I could carry. But I’m exhausted from being strong all the time. Over time the relationship slowly distanced. Eventually I shared the bare bones of my truth with complete vulnerability, and it was ignored and overridden. At that moment I had to come to a sobering realisation: I could no longer hold on to hope. Hope had kept me there for years. But nothing ever changed.

I often sway between compassion and anger.

Compassion because I feel deeply for my mother. I appreciate everything she has done to raise me, and I know her upbringing wasn’t easy.

Anger, because she isn’t who I need her to be as a mother.

I feel like she has never stood up for me the way I needed. Physically present and met all my needs, but emotionally absent. It feels like a quiet betrayal. By saying nothing. you’re saying everything.

A child never wants to write words like this about their own mother.

Part of me has had to disassociate from reality to be able to cope.

I love my mum deeply but right now I have to love her from a distance.

No roses.

No chocolate.

Just space — for the sake of my own sanity.

“How dare you. You only have one mother and father.”, some people say.

I agree.

If that’s true, then imagine how much pain must push a child to make the decision to stop speaking to them. No child wants to willingly stop contact. It is not an easy decision. But eventually it becomes the only decision. Because when being in the same room causes more pain than cutting contact, the choice becomes clearer. When your mind, body, and soul feel unsafe with the very people who raised you, choosing distance becomes an act of self-preservation and self-love.

I don’t know what the future holds.

But today, this piece is a tribute to everyone who unfortunately knows this type of pain intimately.

Because now I do too, and you’re not alone.

With love,

V

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. This is a reader-supported publication so if you’re able to and value my words, please consider becoming a paid subscriber (£7/month), so I can continue to make a positive impact with integrity. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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In 2022 I became a sperm donor.

I wasn’t planning to share this, to be honest. That’s why I haven’t said anything for the past three and a half years. But recently I felt the time was right.

I had a dream where the spirits of children who wanted to be incarnated asked me if I would help them come into form. I said yes without hesitation. Deep down, I knew it was a calling.

It’s strange because no one I know has done this. I had never researched it or even realised it was possible before that moment. The next day I simply Googled it, filled in a form, and shortly afterwards a clinician reached out to begin the process.

Fast forward to now, and there are three healthy babies so far. None of whom I know, because donors are not allowed to contact them. The children can initiate contact if they choose to once they turn 18. As donors, we sign away all parental rights.

This journey made me realise how naïve I had been about how easy it is to get pregnant. Many people struggle to conceive. Even after multiple rounds of IVF, pregnancy is not guaranteed.

According to recent data from the UK Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), around one in five IVF patients come from ethnic minority backgrounds, but only about one in ten sperm donors do. That means the demand for ethnically matched donors is roughly double the supply.

When I discovered this, I realised just how important it was that I had chosen this path.

Here are some of the reasons ethnic communities donate less frequently:

1. Cultural stigma and family pressure

In many families, infertility and the use of donor gametes are still treated as shameful or something that should not be spoken about. This makes people less likely to donate, or even discuss donation openly. Many worry about what parents or the wider community might say if they knew. Sex in general is seen as taboo in ethnic communities and isn’t discussed and therefore some fundamental realities of life stay hidden and have to be learnt later in life (if at all).

2. Low awareness and myths about donation

Many potential donors simply do not know how sperm donation works. They may not realise there are strict screenings, limits on the number of families, legal protections regarding parenthood, and identity release only after the child turns 18. Without clear information, people often imagine extreme scenarios such as hundreds of offspring, legal responsibility, or public scandal.

There is also limited outreach specifically aimed at ethnic communities, explaining donation in culturally relevant ways or in languages older generations may understand. As a result, understanding often spreads through rumours rather than facts.

3. Lack of representation and role models

Media stories, clinic marketing, and online content rarely show Indian or Black men as sperm donors or as people openly engaging with fertility treatment. This can subtly send the message that “people like us don’t do this.” Without visible examples of donors from these communities sharing their stories, many potential donors simply cannot see themselves in that role.

4. Religious and ethical concerns

Some ethnic men worry that donation may conflict with religious teachings or with cultural ideas about lineage, bloodlines, and traditional family structures. Others feel uncertain about how donor-conceived children fit within religious obligations or inheritance structures, which can make them hesitant even if there is no explicit prohibition.

5. Trust in institutions and confidentiality

Trust in medical institutions is not uniform. Some minority communities are more cautious about sharing genetic or personal information with clinics or healthcare systems, particularly given broader experiences of discrimination in healthcare. Concerns about confidentiality can also be a barrier. People sometimes worry that someone they know might somehow find out — through work, community networks, or data leaks — even though UK clinics are tightly regulated.

This whole journey has also made me question whether I even want children myself.

Growing up, I always assumed that having children would be part of my vision of a successful life. But recently I gave myself permission to ask a different question: what would life feel like without children?

Honestly, right now it feels freeing.

Maybe it is because I have donated and some primal part of my brain feels satisfied. I’m not sure. But what I do know is that raising myself and navigating everyday life already feels like deep work. At this stage of my life, I cannot imagine bringing a child into the world.

Perhaps that will change one day. But right now I am enjoying life without children.

I am continuingly discovering who I am and in so doing, realising how much love and energy I have always poured into other people. Maybe it is time to give some of that back to myself.

To nurture my inner child in the way it never was.

To understand what it feels like to be safe in my body and safe in my life.

It also raises a deeper question about what it truly means to be a father.

You can bring a child into this world, but that alone does not make you a father.

Fatherhood (and motherhood) is an archetype. An energy. A set of values embodied through presence, responsibility, and growth.

I have seen many people who are biologically parents but are not walking the path of fatherhood. In many ways, they are still stuck in their teenage years.

At the same time, I have friends who became parents and grew enormously because of it. For them it has been one of the most meaningful experiences of their lives. I also know people who quietly admit that if they could rewind time, they would make a different choice.

The point is not that one path is right and the other wrong.

The point is to pause and ask ourselves why we are making a choice.

Where is it coming from within you?

What is your intention?

Why are you doing it?

And most importantly, do what feels true for you.

Honour your truth, even if it does not make sense to someone else, especially if it does not make sense to others. That is often the clearest sign you are walking your own authentic path.

With love,

V

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. This is a reader-supported publication so if you’re able to and value my words, please consider becoming a paid subscriber (£7/month), so I can continue to make a positive impact with integrity. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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I’ve been going through a lot recently, hence the silence over the last few weeks.

Every week I had the intention to write something, but I’ve been busy working with a new client, trying to get up to speed with new ways of working, and it’s taken a lot of my time, and I’ve enjoyed being immersed in that process. I did not want to rush something and put it out there for the sake of it, so I allowed the space to naturally arise for me to write.

“You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

I had originally drafted another topic to write about, which I will share soon but for now, there is something more pressing that needs to be voiced. If you’ve found yourself processing old wounds recently you are not alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, anxious, and confused at times, you are not alone. Each of us is going through a lot personally, and there is also a lot going on in the world.

One of the things you’ve probably seen all over social media recently is about the Epstein files. I am not going to talk about who he is or what he did, because you can read that anywhere else on the internet. What I do want to say is that I feel this reflects the repressed sexual desires humans carry that can be expressed in ugly ways. What is happening in the world is a mirror being shown to us, inviting us to deal with our own repressed sexuality, should we choose to see it that way. To look in the mirror of our own life. To face the dysfunction within us and within in our family. As within, so without. What we see on the outside reflects what is unfolding on the inside and vice versa.

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” – Sigmund Freud

Sexual dysfunction exists in my family.

Those of you who know me personally, or who have been reading my work for a while, know that I experienced sexual abuse around the age of 11. I wrote about it here. I won’t go into that story here, but what I want to mention now is that I am not the only one. I know other men in my family who have been both perpetrators and victims.

I know this because of the people who have spoken out. I can only imagine how many haven’t spoken out for fear of judgment. Or because they have suppressed the memories so deeply, they do not even remember. I know it exists in many other families too. I have been told too many stories to believe otherwise.

An example of this repressed sexuality is the hidden gay porn DVD I stumbled onto at my uncle’s house many years ago even though he has a traditional 2.4 Indian family. I have questioned my sexuality over the years and wondered whether I’m gay. I had a porn addiction for many years. I was clearly looking for something trying to understand who I am and what my desires are. To get a release from the dysfunction living in my nervous system from generations of abuse.

We should have the space to figure out who we are and sexually experiment, but in a healthy and consensual way. In a way that does not harm others. What needs to stop is the number of non-consensual sexual acts of violence that take place in the shadows of families. The guilt, shame, and anger then resides in the nervous system of the family tree until someone decides to take responsibility. As a victim of this dysfunction, I have taken responsibility to realign my nervous system. Otherwise, I would continue to project my wounds onto other innocent people who did not hurt me and thereby continue the cycle. I have been harmed, yes, and that is wrong, yes, BUT it is ultimately MY responsibility to heal from it. No one is going to do that for me.

As you begin to heal, you see dysfunction in your family clearly. You see the truth and when you speak the truth—the unfiltered truth—they won’t like it. Why? Because it means they have to confront what they have become and the role they’ve played in enabling the dysfunction. Somewhere along that path someone has to be courageous enough to draw a hard boundary and walk away from that repetitive bullshit.

Family, what is it anyway?

Family is a couple of strangers you are born to. They say blood is thicker than water. Well my response is….and? Why do we have such a deep obligation to keep the peace simply because we call this group of people “family”. Especially when the construct of family has caused so much harm. And anyway, by keeping quiet we aren’t keeping the peace. We’re being complicit in the violence that has unfolded and is unfolding. We are not really keeping the peace. It is the pretence of peace. Deep down, no one is really at peace. Think about it, how many things have been allowed to pass as acceptable simply because “it’s family”. That is why there is dysfunction in the first place. No one is taking a stand to stop it.

To me, family is someone you feel a deep, healthy bond with, a sense of loyalty, safety, and trust. You are free to choose who those individuals are. They do not need to be connected by blood. It’s time to rethink what family means and to stop being pulled back into their web of guilt and shame. Those emotions are what keep us in unhealthy loops of generational trauma. “Because that’s how it’s always been done” is a bullshit statement. If it is no longer working, or never worked to begin with, why continue doing the same thing?

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

Time does not heal. It is our ability to integrate the pain that truly heals. In order to heal you need to create a space for yourself so you can figure out who you truly are beyond the character you have had to become in order to survive.

Who are you outside of survival mode?

What does it mean to feel peace?

What does it mean to feel safe?

You cannot know that unless you make a choice to step away from all the delusional drama that they keep perpetuating. Ironically when you do that, it can cause even more drama. But you know what? Sometimes you need drama to break free.

When you’re angry it tells you a boundary has been crossed, that something is not right. The nervous system is thrown off its centre. It says, “I’m not safe here.” It is alerting you to danger. By creating boundaries or voicing things, you are made to feel like the difficult one, the one who is always causing trouble. Well, you know what, the trouble started long before you, so it is time someone takes a stand and chooses to draw the line.

“I need help.”

It is these words that go unspoken, especially amongst men who think they can deal with their pain alone, that causes so much harm—intentional and unintentional. Their family becomes collateral damage. They are a nail bomb, and the nails get stuck in us simply because of proximity. How many nails will you get struck by before you realise this is not serving you anymore, or maybe never was? That things will never change.

The reason dysfunction continues is because we continue to believe in the fantasy of family.

This false illusion of a happy family with a happy Hollywood or Bollywood ending. It is not real. It is heartbreaking when you begin to wake up to the reality that your family was just an illusion being held together by a string of lies. It is truly a lonely path to see the truth and live in truth. Ignorance is bliss. But when you know too much, how can you live with yourself continuing the pretence like nothing has happened?

When you finally see the truth, you will stop calling them family.

I’m rereading this thinking; do I sound too angry? Should I be toning this down?

And that is a problem.

We allow dysfunction to become so normalised that we quieten our voices, we dim our light in order to conform and the poison just keeps on spreading. We are left feeling like we’re the angry son or angry daughter. Sometimes being angry is healthy. The type of angry that shows others a boundary has been crossed one too many times. That is sacred anger that is protecting you from further danger and puts a halt to further poison being spread.

A person doesn’t walk away from their family after one minor incident. It’s usually after years and years and years of trying. Eventually pure exhaustion makes the decision for them.

It’s karma finally catching up.

With love,

V

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Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. This is a reader-supported publication so if you’re able to and value my words, please consider becoming a paid subscriber (£7/month), so I can continue to make a positive impact with integrity. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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The first week of 2026 is now complete.

We are still very much in the depth of winter, so if you aren’t feeling especially energised or motivated, that’s normal.

January 1st often comes with an unspoken pressure to immediately switch back on and go full speed ahead. In reality, most of January is spent slowly waking up from the holiday slumber, readjusting to our personal rhythms, and easing back into new work schedules.

Nature doesn’t go from the depths of winter at -1 to 30 degrees overnight (around 30°F to 86°F). It slowly turns the dial up to peak heat. We forget we are also part of nature and follow a similar rhythm. This is a reminder to be kind to yourself over the coming weeks as you find your feet again. Whenever we are navigating a transition in our lives, it’s natural for it to take a little time to find our new rhythm again.

If we place too much pressure on ourselves early in the year, we risk burning out before the month is even over. What we really want is sustainable, balanced energy across the year, and that starts with being intentional about how we begin this long marathon.

My partner and I were recently talking about something that really landed. We’re both in a Personal Year 9 in numerology. Numerology cycles run from one to nine, and each year has a different theme. A nine is about completion, release, and shedding what no longer resonates.

Note: If you’re interested in learning more about this subject, I highly recommend learning from my good friend Kaerhart. I have personally worked with her extensively and can vouch for her authenticity and integrity.

We found ourselves asking an important question.

What fantasy do we need to let go of this year?

That led us to this simple but confronting conversation:

When someone shows you who they are, believe it. If there is someone in your life, whether family, friend, colleague, or partner, who has consistently shown you that their values are not aligned with yours, let them go. Don’t cling to the fantasy of who you want them to be.

The longer you hold on, the more you betray yourself. At some point, it becomes self-abandonment. You tolerate behaviour that hurts you while hoping they will step into a version of themselves that exists only in your imagination.

Sound familiar?

Is there someone in your life who no longer resonates, yet you’re still holding on in the hope that they will change?

The truth is, people only change when they are ready and when they genuinely want to. We cannot force that process, no matter how pure our intentions may be. Trying to do so leaves us exhausted and depleted. Imagine how that energy could otherwise be used to nurture yourself and build a life that feels aligned and expansive.

If you spend enough time around a snake, it will eventually bite you. That is its nature. It’s ridiculous to think “Surely they won’t be that way with me because it’s my mum/dad/sibling/partner/bestie”. If someone is in the habit of gossiping about and judging others, it’s likely they will do that behind your back about you too. The person who betrayed you. The person who never apologised. The person who caused you pain. This is who they are choosing to be. If they are not consciously choosing to change, then they are choosing to stay the same. By default, they are saying that their current behaviour is acceptable.

However you choose to look at it, a snake is still a snake.

So, what fantasies have you been holding on to that you could begin to let go of this year? What stories are you holding onto that are yearning to be released?Often, we don’t see the truth in front of us because we are clinging to a future that may never arrive.

And the cost of holding on?

Our peace in the present.

We sacrifice our peace now for a fantasy we know, deep down, is unlikely to become real. Yet we hold on anyway, hoping something will shift.

Sometimes the people in our lives act as mirrors. They show us the parts of ourselves that we are afraid to let go of. The parts of our indeitty we’ve relied on because that person has been feeding some void within us. But when we finally have the courage to release those fantasies, we create the space to reclaim ourselves and our power.

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

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As the sun sets on 2025 I felt like sharing a few words. I usually post on Sundays, but it feels right to do the final post of the year today.

Some of you have been walking the path alongside me for some time. Some joined somewhere along the way. Others decided to part ways and go their own way after a while. I want to acknowledge each of you. I appreciate all of your love and support in whichever form it has come, whether by spending time reading my work, sharing it, or becoming a paid subscriber.

In a few hours we’re entering a new portal, a new chapter, a new beginning. That sense of a fresh start lingers in the air around this time. But so too does the pressure to make changes and turn our lives around within the next month. There are, and continue to be, countless posts online about how to change your life in the next 30 days, almost as if it is a competition. Anxiety can set in if you’re not setting goals or committing to changes.

What can easily be forgotten amidst this frenzy is the importance of honouring sacred rhythms. The rhythms of nature, which is currently deep in winter, and the rhythms of our own bodies. We must learn to drown out the external noise and find our own pace.

Some of us do not need to change a thing. We have already had to let go of so much this year, big and small, that space has naturally been created for something else to arrive. Something new. Something different. 2025 felt like a sacred storm, clearing out what no longer resonated. We have been taught the capacity to grieve. We have set things in motion, and just like a ball rolling downhill, momentum builds on its own when the time is ripe. And I feel that time is coming for many of us.

For me, the year started deep in the unknown. I was struggling in many ways. Yet the year has ended with many positive changes. It is a reminder that nothing lasts forever. When I have been at my lowest, it has taught me to deepen my faith in life. Faith is the antidote to doubt. Often it is only a difference in thought. Believing the worst will happen versus believing the best will happen for us is simply a shift in the habitual thoughts we create.

AI has made its presence known this year. I find myself using ChatGPT as a brainstorming partner for ideas, but also for simple household questions I am unsure about, such as what dishwasher setting to use for a particular scenario, or how to cook and store certain foods. It is remarkable how easily many of us have integrated AI into our lives, or are beginning to. In my short 33 years here so far, I have lived through the internet reshaping the world in the 90s, a global lockdown, and now the next major wave of technology with AI. All of these are significant historical milestones. I wonder what new bold and expansive ideas are patiently waiting to bloom in the next decade.

I have also recently been using Perplexity AI, which is an incredible research tool. Imagine having a university professor in your pocket who can give you answers to almost any question using up to date and reliable data sources. Lately, I’ve been using the voice feature, laying back on my sofa, asking questions about legal history and engaging in conversation. It feels like being in conversation with a really smart person. For those who do not know, I graduated from law school in 2014, and paired with my natural curiosity, this way of learning feels deeply aligned. Although I do not practise law today, it really fascinates me. I can already see myself having many more learning sessions in 2026 through simple conversation. If you love learning this way, I have shared a link for a one year free subscription to Perplexity Pro here - you can ask it about any topic!

While this year has marked the beginning of AI in a whole new way, it has also been a year of endings. Some big. Some small. In numerology, we are in a collective Year 9, which signifies completion and closure. There are things I have had to grieve and let go of repeatedly. The fantasies I wished were true, but were not, needed to be fully shed so I could face reality exactly as it is. Can we really do that? Face the truth exactly as it is. It is harder than it sounds. Facing life as it is now, not as we hope it might be is bitter medicine.

There has also been a lot of conversation online about 2025 being the Year of the Snake and 2026 being the Year of the Fire Horse in Chinese tradition. This ancient system combines a twelve-year animal cycle with five elemental energies, creating a sixty-year rhythm of change. Snake years are often associated with shedding, endings, and inner transformation, which very much aligns with how my year has been. Fire Horse years, by contrast, are linked to movement, intensity, and outward momentum, which is on the horizon for all of us in different ways.

For me, this year also marked the ending of certain traditions. As I leaned into something new, I noticed feelings of guilt and even betrayal, as though I had left others behind or done something wrong by choosing to spend my time in a different way than usual. But it was a reminder that it is not wrong to choose myself. It is okay to choose what makes me happy. You are an independent and sovereign being, and what you want matters. For so long, many of us have been conditioned to appease others that we forget to choose ourselves somewhere along the way. What would radically choosing ourselves look like in 2026?

You never truly know what is going on in people’s lives. A picture never tells the full story. There is so much left unsaid and unseen in a photo. It is only a small snippet of what someone chooses to show, especially on social media. I personally know people navigating divorces or struggling in their relationships who appear perfectly happy online. The people we compare ourselves to have challenges we cannot see and are often struggling silently. We can get caught up in comparing ourselves to these false realities feeling like we’re behind. We are all following a made-up timeline of what we are supposed to be doing, and by when. It is all nonsense. True freedom is being genuinely at peace with where you are and moving at your own pace, in your own way.

One thing deeply missing in today’s society is the art of recognising nuance. The world is not black and white. Multiple truths can exist at once. People are living countless variations of life, and the way we see or do things is not the only way. I wonder what our lives would look and feel like if we welcomed more curiosity.

The biggest glow up is self-love. Accumulating more and more in life to fill a void isn’t sustainable because the hole in our hearts left by the struggles of heartbreak and life is an opportunity and opening for our own love to expand. Sometimes you do not need to add more to your life. Maybe the sacred storm has been clearing away what has been weighing you down, so you can return home to yourself. I have beaten myself up for so long that I reached numbness. I know too well what that is like. Now it is a slow, gentle journey back to wholeness and feeling. Treating myself in small ways. Doing nice things just because, not as a reward for achievement. A reminder that simply being alive is enough, though this can be difficult for those who have witnessed trauma or had to grow up too fast.

Finally, remember that just because it is January does not mean it has to be high energy or full of momentum. If you do not feel that way, nothing is wrong with you. We are part of nature’s rhythm. We are still months away from spring, when life begins to bloom again. This is a time to turn inward, to reflect, and to release what you no longer wish to carry. We grow up holding the weight of other people’s expectations, from family and society alike, and it takes conscious effort to loosen that grip and set it down.

I envision each of us walking into 2026 expanding into a bigger version of ourselves that can hold more of everything that life has to offer in the most graceful way.

Thank you so much for reading with me this year. I wish you all a gentle start to 2026.

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

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Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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This week a poem came to me.

Sometimes it arrives altogether.

Sometimes it arrives in pieces.

Sometimes it arrives just as an idea to sit with.

I was stirring vegetables in oil
when the pan spoke.

Carrot, cumin, salt—
each arrived by a thousand unseen hands.

seeds buried in darkness,
sun breaking them open,
knives learning their shape,
travelling on roads leading to me.

Here I must confess—

I alone did not make this meal.
I only met it at the fire.
I am the Alchemist
mixing what the world had to offer.

Then I ate.

The dish entered me—
becoming blood and breath.

Soon it will leave again,
and nothing will be lost.

Life is The Great Chef.
Mixing each of us together
at the perfect time
to make the perfect dish.

We are but ingridients
in Her kitchen.

The Chef never stops cooking.
She uses hands, storms, hunger, love.
She uses feet, anger, sadness, passion.

She uses you.

Tell me—
can you smell
what She is preparing next?

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Share

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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“Learn to love the questions themselves.” - Rainer Maria Rilke

December is a strange, honest month.

It invites reflection whether you’re ready for it or not. The year slows, the days shorten, and suddenly you’re face to face with yourself, comparing where you are now to where you stood this time last year.

For me that invokes both gratitude and grief.

A year ago, I was in a very different place. Personally, it felt like standing in fog. Everything was uncertain. I didn’t know what the new year would bring. I finished the year feeling flat, anxious, exhausted, like I had been holding my breath for far too long without knowing why. There was a quiet sense of being defeated.

This year feels different.

And that’s what strikes me most: how life can change in just twelve months. We forget that in the moments that feel tough. It feels so permanent, hopeless without horizon, but it is not. Because the fabric of life is change—the quiet secret that only makes itself obvious over time.

Not in a neat, cinematic way, but in a layered, complex one. Because change is rarely clean. Celebration and grief arrive together. You welcome what’s new while quietly mourning what no longer exists. Relationship dynamics shift. Family dynamics evolve. Work changes. Living arrangements change. You change. Life, in subtle and obvious ways, is no longer the same.

December naturally asks us to take stock. Like winter itself, it’s not a time of loud growth, but of laying foundations. Of going inward. Of acknowledging what has been shed so something else can eventually take root.

What I’ve realised—perhaps more than ever—is that being alone while doing this reflection without distraction is one of the hardest things we can do.

It’s easy to fill the space with noise: music playing in the background, something to eat, something to watch, endless scrolling, constant conversation. Sometimes we distract ourselves consciously. Often we don’t. But when all of that is stripped away, when there’s nothing to buffer you from yourself, you begin to see clearly where you actually are. Who you actually are.

And that requires courage.

This time of year also comes with expectations. Expectations about how you should spend your time. Who you should see. How you should behave. Traditions you’re meant to uphold. Roles you’re expected to play. There’s pressure to participate in rituals that may no longer align, or perhaps never truly did.

Choosing differently can bring guilt. As if opting out makes you selfish. As if honouring your own needs is somehow a betrayal.

It isn’t.

You have every right to choose how you spend this season. Every right to define what feels nourishing, grounding, or necessary for you now. Not who you were. Not who you were expected to be. But who you are today. Take the space to find out what resonates most with you.

How do you really want to spend this holiday?

For many of us, this time of year carries both warmth and weight. Pleasant memories sit alongside painful ones. Old family dynamics resurface. Old stories reappear. As the year closes, it becomes even more important to recognise where you are, honestly, without judgement.

To stay true to that.

Listen to your heart closely.

Be curious about what aligns now.

Not what’s familiar. Not what’s expected. But what’s real.

That, perhaps, is the quiet work of December: learning to sit with yourself long enough to hear your new truth, and having the courage to honour it.

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Share

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” - Marcel Proust

Curiosity.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m naturally curious. I ask a lot of questions. I’m inquisitive about myself, others, and the world. I want to understand the stories that shape people into becoming who they are. But when it comes to relationships, we rarely talk about the role curiosity plays in keeping the spark alive.

Curiosity is one of the things that fans the flame of a relationship.

Now, this is assuming you’re with the right person. Because if your values aren’t aligned, no amount of curiosity will compensate for the misalignment. It’s simply a bandaid. But that’s a conversation for another day.

This is for the people who are with the right person and want to avoid things becoming stale or stagnant. It’s also for the people who are single or actively dating and trying to find their person. You can embody curiosity right now in every interaction you have. Remember, you only attract what you embody and project.

Life gets busy. Familiarity creeps in. We skip the smaller moments of connection that quietly hold a relationship together. And yet if we intentionally infused more curiosity into our relationships, everything would shift—because everyone wants to feel like they matter.

As the years go by, whether you’re dating, engaged, or married, it becomes so easy to believe you already know your partner. In the early dating phase, curiosity is natural; you’re learning their stories, their past, the way they see the world. But as time passes, we assume we’ve heard it all. We forget that our partner is a living archive of stories told and untold. A treasure trove of memories, dreams, fears, rituals, and moments they may have never shared simply because the right question hasn’t been asked.

And yes sharing some of those stories takes courage. It takes vulnerability. But that’s part of growing a relationship, not just maintaining it.

The person you were when you first started dating won’t be the same person one, two, five, ten years in. You’re continuously evolving. So is your partner. Their perspectives shift. Their emotions deepen. Their beliefs about themselves and the world change. Which means getting to know them is not a one-time event; it’s a lifelong practice.

In relationships, don’t let curiosity die.

My mum recently told me a story about a couple she’s known for decades. They have been married for 45 years. She asked the husband what it was like moving to the UK from Africa. He casually mentioned that he used to work at Burtons Menswear (a famous UK fashion retailer) and nearly became a manager before opening his own store. Then he turned to his wife and said, “You don’t know this about me either.”

Later in the conversation, my mum asked the wife about her spiritual practice. She shared a ritual she learned from her mother in India and the reason behind why she had to learn it, and then she turned to her husband and said, “You actually don’t know this about my mother.”

Forty-five years together and they were still discovering new things about each other.

If that doesn’t prove that time spent together does not determine depth of connection, I don’t know what does. Time doesn’t build intimacy. Intention does.

The quality of the questions we ask dictates the depth of the answers we receive—and, ultimately, the quality of the connection we create with our partner (or anyone, really).

3 Simple Ways to Bring Curiosity Into Your Life

1. Use card decks or even ChatGPT.

There are a few decks of cards that are built to help you ask questions about each other but you can also use ChatGPt to generate questions for one another. I’ve been thinking of writing my own card deck to help people build deeper relationships. Should I do it? Reply and let me know!

2. Ask one “new” question each week.

Set the intention that, once a week, you’ll ask your partner something you’ve never asked before—something that invites story, memory, emotion, or imagination. Some examples:

• “What was a dream you had as a child that you’ve never shared with anyone?”

• “What’s a belief you’ve outgrown in the last few years?”

• “What was school like for you? Tell me about your friends, subjects you studied, and trips you went on etc”

One new question a week keeps the relationship alive in the simplest, most human way.

3. Revisit old memories with fresh eyes.

Instead of always creating new memories, return to the ones that shaped you both. Ask:

• “When we first met, what did you notice about me that I’ve never asked about?”

• “What moment has made you feel closest to me so far?”

• “What story from your past do you think shaped you the most, and why?”

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Share

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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Yesterday I was reviewing some notes I had written for my next book and one of the stories I planned to include I felt like sharing here.

For those of you who don’t know, in 2021 I published my very first poetry book called “Searching in Silence” where I explore topics like who am I?, trauma, love, purpose, and death. These were (and still are) topics that I reflect on daily and feel connected to. If you’ve been enjoying my writing and want to read more feel free to purchase it here.

In 2019 I reconnected with a close friend from my University days. We talked for 12 hours straight. It was one of those conversations where you just lose track of time and get lost in the moment. I had so many great conversations that day I didn’t think it could get any better, but it did.

The Uber journey I had on the way home that night was unforgettable.

I called an Uber at 2am to head home.

The driver’s name was Femi and he was extremely inviting and warm. He told me he loves driving and helping people wherever he can.

He shared a story of once picking up four boys who were wearing hoodies. “Most drivers declined the journey after they saw that the passengers looked dangerous” he said.

But he didn’t.

Femi wholeheartedly accepted them and welcomed them to come into his car. They had drugs and knives. But he offered them a drink of water and some chocolate. He asked how their day was going. By the end of the journey they were calling him “Uncle” and sharing lots of their personal stories with him.

When I asked him what he thought his secret to success with people was he said,

“Show relentless love to people. What people want more than anything is love and appreciation”. He went on, “Sharing love will open unexpected doors for you”

He explained how he puts service above money. Many drivers work hard and rush from place to place to hit as many numbers as possible and he said he purely focused on giving each person the best journey of their life and being really engaged and present. As a result, he would get amazing tips which made up for all the rushing around and fewer customers he was serving compared to others anyway.

He stopped people who were contemplating taking their lives in that car.

When we arrived at my house I felt called to give him something more than just the money I’d paid for the Uber. My heart felt expanded and I wanted to give back. I ran into the house and grabbed the £50 gift voucher I got from a work Christmas party earlier that month. It was my way of giving a tip and saying thank you.

He was the angel assigned to me that day to deliver an important message.

Love can create a revolution.

It was a reminder that angels and messengers come in many forms.

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom by Vipul Bhesania is a reader supported publication. Please share so we can spread wisdom and help whoever may need to read this today 🖤

Share

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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I wonder how many men grow up unconsciously choosing their wife as a second mother.

Probably a lot.

I’ve seen this especially among Indian men.

This idea has been sitting inside me for the last few years. It became clearer when I started dating . If you haven’t read our love story yet you can find it here. Loving her invited me to look at the invisible rules I had inherited about women, marriage, and the expectations I had about what a partner is supposed to be.

When you’re a boy, your mother is the first woman you love. The first woman who teaches you what a woman is. I saw mine cook, clean, and comfort me. Without realising it, you begin to believe that this is what a woman does. Its neither right nor wrong for a woman to do any of those things. I’m writing this to unpack the nuance around the black and white thinking we have about what we expect.

Because Hannah lives with a physical disability it limits her capability to do certain practical things around the house. Some Indian people in my family would equate her value with her physical ability. In their eyes, if a woman can’t fulfil her typical role, then what use is she? This goes to the heart of a deeper question:

What does it mean to be a woman beyond the stories we’ve been told?

As young boys we form an internal blueprint of the feminine because our mother shapes our nervous system. Life also piles on conditioning. You watch what your father expects of her. You hear your relatives. TV. Movies. Conversations in school, community gossip, the internet. All of it layer after layer shaping what you believe a woman should be.

So then as you grow up and go searching for a partner, you begin to measure her against the memory of your mother and all these other stories. Without realising it you’re filtering every woman through a specific lens. We call it “preference” but often it is just familiarity. It feels safe. It feels known. The question I had to ask myself was:

Am I projecting my ideas of a mother onto my idea of a wife?

Hannah is a British white woman 9 years older than me with ancestry from Scotland and Wales.

I’m an Indian man born and raised in West London with ancestry from India and Africa.

On the outside, we couldn’t be more different.

A partner is not a parent

What we often fail to realise is that a mother-son bond is nothing like a husband-wife relationship. Yet so many people try to repeat the first one and call it the second.

A marriage is a partnership. It is two adults growing and learning through life. But many men, knowingly or unknowingly, enter relationships looking for emotional mothering: comfort, caretaking, unconditional acceptance, someone to absorb their pain, pick up the pieces to make their life easier.

We don’t stop to ask: why do I expect these things from a partner?

What men often want is what feels familiar. Familiar means recreating the dynamic they grew up with. I know many people who choose a partner within their own cultural group not because that is where love is, but because it is where safety is. Where predictability is. Where family drama is reduced and where disappointment is less likely.

One of the biggest lies we inherit is that approval equals happiness.

It doesn’t.

Staying stuck in a cycle

Guilt and shame are powerful levers for manipulation. These two emotions live in many Indian family homes. They’re often used as weapons to keep us in a box. They keep you repeating patterns that do not serve you. You feel the pressure within your family and community to choose a partner that is not only familiar to you, but to your family. You end up choosing someone that fits your family’s values instead of your own.

• Same race

• Speaks the same language

• Understands the culture (food, clothes, holidays we celebrate etc)

I recently reconnected with a Sikh friend from school who married a Sikh woman. He told me he had loved someone else, a white girlfriend, but it would have created too much drama to marry her. So he chose what was “realistic.” When he saw a picture of me Hannah, he looked me in the eye and said, “You both look happy. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Do what makes you happy.” He told me he chose his wife because it would mean less drama with his parents and his grandma.

This was a boy who made everyone laugh in school. Class clown. The rebel who drank alcohol and partied and had a white girlfriend. Now he was a man carrying regret in his chest and pain in his eyes.

It’s funny how people can be rebellious with their choices at a younger age, but when it comes time to actually make real life decisions, they get afraid of what others will think and choose the default option that is expected of them.

Default is not always the truth.

Your parents and community may not understand your choices, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t choose differently. Breaking the cycle will mean being misunderstood.

I wonder how many other people are with someone they don’t actually want to be with…

Breaking the trap of perception

Within the Indian community people care so much about perception.

Consciously or subconsciously, they often make choices based on what others will think. It is a toxic cage that cripples your heart and soul over time. It depletes you of your truth. Your voice is encouraged to stay in the shadow collecting dust.

The reality of your relationship lives behind closed doors. It is not about what it looks like out there in front of the world on stage. That is all a show. The performance of love. The truth of your relationship is revealed behind closed doors in the privacy of your own home when it is just the two of you. That’s where love is nurtured.

The other people you care so much about, you don’t have to do life with them. You’re doing life with your partner. You’re spending the majority of your time and energy with your partner. You’re building your life with them. So then, who you choose this special person to be, should be influenced only by the truth whispered in your heart, not the ones whispered into your mind by others.

The mind can be easily manipulated with a program about what is “right” and “wrong”. To move beyond that we must do the work to see beyond the illusion of false stories. We must realise that we can choose beliefs that empower us. Our perspective is our freedom.

The truth is, whatever you choose to do, people will find something to talk about so you can’t make decisions based on what may avoid people talking. Once you free yourself from caring about what people think, you’re truly free.

I heard someone share their grandmother’s advice on an Instagram reel recently that struck me.

“We’re born looking like our parents, we die looking like our decisions.”

Choosing your partner is an important decision

Within the Indian community we rarely talk about emotional intelligence when choosing a partner. Yet it is one of the most important parts of a relationship. My mother took care of me physically. Hannah takes care of me emotionally. She nourishes me with sensuality, humour, empathy, presence. She is not a mother figure to me. She is a woman. A partner. A mirror. A companion. A soul I chose not because she matched my conditioning, but because she expanded it.

That is the difference between a mother and wife.

Too often people rush into marriage because they feel the pressure of parents, society, friends. They settle because they feel lonely. Also, men and women (but especially women) feel they’re “getting old” and so they settle. Marriage is an important decision. Take your time with it. Choose wisely.

Many people stay in familiar relationships because their nervous system only knows that version of love. But familiarity is not the same as compatibility. Familiarity is not the same as truth. What feels familiar is often the wound, not the wisdom.

Love has many expressions. It cannot be reduced to tasks or roles. It cannot be pinned to what your parents did. It cannot be shaped by cultural pressure alone. Love is too complex, too wild, too sacred for that.

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom by Vipul Bhesania is a reader supported publication. Please share so we can spread wisdom and help whoever may need to read this today 🖤

Share

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

We all face turbulence in our lives. But I’ve realised there are two types of turbulence, and we can decide which we choose to embrace.

1. Follow others’ expectations of you (career, house, partner, baby, etc.) and live with a turbulent and disconnected heart because you’re suffocated into making choices against your nature. Or,

2. Choose to honour your truth, feel peace in your heart, and live with the turbulence of others judging and being disappointed with you.

Opening your heart to the truth is painful, so it’s understandable if you want to keep it closed.

You tell yourself it’s safer that way. You build walls that feel like protection, but they slowly become a cage. You learn to live with the dull ache of disconnection, convincing yourself that “doing it this way” is for the best. You stay within the confines of what you know to be true. You hide among the patterns you grew up around, the expectations you’ve absorbed, the stories of what love should look like.

That’s the kind of turbulence you experience deep within you. When you know something isn’t quite right but you learn to live with it anyway.

Then there’s the other kind.

You can open your heart fully and let someone in. You can choose to live a life of your truest expression, to worship love itself — messy, sacred, and unfiltered. To let yourself be seen in all your contradictions and fears. To risk disappointing others in pursuit of what your heart truly longs for.

There’s a point in the healing journey when you see through all the bullshit illusions. You no longer tolerate dysfunctional dynamics, and you fiercely protect your peace at all costs. You no longer resonate with people who don’t embody what they preach. Ignorance is no longer bliss.

There is a certain freedom that comes from:

Choosing the career that you want.

Choosing the partner you want.

Choosing to live where you want.

Choosing to set boundaries your way.

Making decisions your way.

There is a freedom in consciously choosing.

Honouring your truest expression is not a linear path. It can look messy and slow. Others will be critical of you because you don’t fit into their tidy little box. They will project their insecurities onto you. When you open your heart that deeply to life, you’ll face everything you’ve spent your life avoiding — the grief, the insecurity, the fear of loss, the need for control. The comments, the projections, the judgments will all surface. But underneath all of it, something miraculous happens.

You begin to feel light again.

You start to really live.

One form of turbulence keeps you stuck. The other sets you free.

So the question isn’t whether life will be turbulent, it’s whether your turbulence will be the kind that hardens your heart or the kind that breaks it open.

Choose your turbulence wisely.

Love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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No one talks about fantasising the death of a narcissistic parent.

It’s controversial and sad to admit, but if you’re the child of a narcissistic parent, you’ll understand. It’s not that you want them to actually die. It’s that you want their emotional chokehold to end.

You want to breathe without guilt. To exist without feeling like your whole being revolves around keeping someone else emotionally regulated.

What are the traits of a narcissist?

Here are a few I’ve experienced:

• They crave control and admiration, not connection.

• They rewrite history to make themselves the victim.

• They guilt-trip you for having boundaries.

• They love-bomb, then withdraw affection when you don’t comply.

• They compete with you instead of celebrating you.

• They can’t handle being held accountable — ever.

• They turn your pain into an inconvenience for them.

• They weaponise your empathy and call you “too sensitive.”

• They demand loyalty but give you none in return.

• They destroy your sense of self — and then call you “ungrateful” for noticing.

• They minimise and dismiss your experience.

• They gaslight you into thinking you’re in the wrong.

Being the child of a narcissistic parent is suffocating. It’s like all the oxygen in the room gets sucked out the moment they walk in. Their mere presence makes your body tense, your breath shallow, your spirit shrink.

You learn to read micro-expressions like your survival depends on it. One wrong action or misspoken word, and you’re in trouble. You live in a constant state of self-surveillance, monitoring every tone, every word, every gesture so you don’t trigger their rage or cold withdrawal.

And over time, you stop knowing where they end and you begin. Somewhere along the way, you dissolve into a kind of emotional fog — numb to your own needs, flatlining through life, becoming a duller version of yourself. You learn to survive, not to live. You’re not allowed to bloom fully because your growth threatens their control.

You learn that love is conditional.

That peace is temporary.

That being “good” means abandoning yourself on a daily basis.

You grieve the parent you never had. The one who was physically there — at every birthday, every dinner table, every family gathering — but emotionally miles away. The parent who gave you food, shelter, and money, but could never give you the one thing you truly needed: to be seen.

That kind of absence is invisible to the outside world. It doesn’t look like neglect, but it feels like it. It’s an ache that’s hard to name because technically, they were there. But never present with you.

When everything had to revolve around them — their moods, their validation, their image — there was no space for you to exist as your full self. You learned early on to dim your light so theirs could shine. You became the peacekeeper, the fixer, the one who absorbs the chaos. And over time, that becomes your personality — not because it’s who you are, but because it’s how you survived.

That’s the quiet tragedy of having a narcissistic parent: you grieve someone who’s still alive. You grieve the warmth and safety you never felt when you needed it most. It’s a grief that renews itself daily. You fantasise about what it would be like to have someone who truly cares.

Healing doesn’t mean pretending that pain never existed. It means finally giving yourself permission to feel the full weight of it — to say, yes, I was robbed of something fundamental. To stop gaslighting yourself with “they did their best.”

Maybe they did.

But their best still hurt you.

It wasn’t enough.

So when people say, “Make the most of it with your parents because you’ll miss them when they’re gone,” you quietly wonder — will I? Because what you’ll actually be mourning isn’t their death, but the fantasy of the parent you never had and the hope that they’d maybe change one day.

Sometimes it’s the parent who’s the villain. And you have no choice but to set a boundary to save yourself. Otherwise, you’ll drown in their darkness, trying to rescue someone who doesn’t want to be saved. You spend years trying to earn their love, repair what’s broken, and prove your worth, only to realise the relationship was built on your self-abandonment. You fantasise about the parent who could guide you, love you, protect you — but instead, you’re forced to play the role of the adult, the therapist, the caretaker. A role you were never meant to hold. It’s a heavy burden.

You begin to resent them, not out of cruelty, but out of exhaustion — for choosing not to take responsibility for their actions. For hiding behind pain instead of healing it. For weaponising their wounds instead of transforming them.

They could change. They choose not to.

That’s the heartbreak you eventually have to face.

So when you start freeing yourself — living by your own truth, choosing peace over performance — they resent you for it.

Why?

1. Loss of control equals loss of identity.

For a narcissist, control isn’t just a preference — it’s their way of maintaining a fragile sense of self. When you stop letting them dictate how you live, you’re not just “disobeying” them — you’re dismantling the illusion that they’re powerful, wise, or in charge. Without that control, they feel small, exposed, and irrelevant — feelings they cannot tolerate.

2. Your freedom reflects their captivity.

When you heal, set boundaries, or live authentically, you’re holding up a mirror to everything they’ve refused to confront in themselves. Your independence reminds them that they could have chosen differently — that they too could face their pain and grow — but they won’t. Instead of being inspired, they feel shame, envy, and rage.

3. They built their worth on comparison.

To a narcissist, love is conditional and hierarchical: “I’m superior, you’re inferior.” Your decision to live your truth disrupts that order. It’s like you’re stepping off their chessboard entirely, and that threatens their self-worth, which depends on keeping you one move below them.

4. They equate obedience with love.

To them, love means compliance — it’s transactional. When you stop doing things their way, they interpret it not as growth but as betrayal. They can’t comprehend that autonomy and love can coexist.

5. They resent what they can’t possess.

Ultimately, they resent your freedom because it’s proof of something they’ll likely never have — inner peace. You’ve chosen authenticity over approval, truth over illusion. They’ve built their life on illusion, so watching you live differently feels intolerable.

As the child, you live each day with hope that maybe today will be the day they change. Unfortunately, that day never arrives.

So what do you do?

You choose yourself. You draw a line in the sand. You stop bleeding for someone who refuses to heal.

Slowly, you begin to rebuild and redefine who you are outside of their shadow.

Freedom, for the adult child of a narcissist, doesn’t come when they die. It begins the moment you stop trying to earn the love that was never real — and start giving that love to yourself.

That’s where the healing begins and when the oxygen finally returns to the room.

When you say:

“Enough is enough. I will no longer give my power away to someone who is clearly not going to change — so it’s time that I do.”

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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It’s time to talk about something I feel has been living in the shadows of my personality that I haven’t really spoken about before. An addiction that was quietly building in the shadows. I suspect there are many people quietly struggling with this too in some way.

Alcohol.

I would never have imagined associating myself with the label “alcoholic” because I didn’t and don’t behave in the way you may typically associate with an alcoholic:

• Drinking 5, 6, 7 days per week

• Being emotionally charged

• Starting fights

• Not being able to function at work

• Skipping on my daily responsibilities

None of those applied to me.

I’ve seen friends and family act wild and outrageous who clearly can’t see they have a problem. But, I never thought I had a problem because my unhealthy relationship with alcohol was a lot quieter.

According to the DSM-5-TR it defines Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) as:

A problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by at least 2 of the following 11 symptoms occurring within a 12-month period. The number of symptoms determines the severity: 2 to 3 symptoms for mild AUD, 4 to 5 for moderate, and 6 or more for severe.

1. Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended.

2. There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.

3. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.

4. Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.

5. Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home.

6. Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.

7. Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.

8. Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.

9. Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol.

10. Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:

    1. A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect.

    2. A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.

11. Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:

    1. The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol (See the “How is alcohol withdrawal managed?” section for some DSM-5-TR symptoms of withdrawal).

    2. Alcohol (or a closely related substance, such as a benzodiazepine) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.

I didn’t need a checklist to tell me what I already knew deep down.

1 and 2 applied to me.

This was a quiet unhealthy addiction that I masked well ever since University. Now I’m not against drinking alcohol altogether, but intention matters.

Why are you drinking?

You can bullshit yourself and say it’s just to celebrate or to relax. Whatever language you want to use is semantics. You trying to persuade yourself that you don’t have a problem when in fact, you’re escaping. There’s usually a memory and/or an associated emotion you are distracting yourself from. Something to numb the pain.

There is a big difference between the energy of needing and choosing.

Needing is something you can’t control.

Consciously choosing to have means that it doesn’t control you, you control it.

When it came to sex I felt as though I needed alcohol to help me mask my insecurities and anxiety. As I reflect on this I’m not being harsh on myself because compassion is something I am increasingly trying to welcome into my body. I know that I was only doing the best I could with what I knew at the time. Life is complicated, nuanced, and hard at times. During those times we all naturally find ways to cope. That’s okay.

But I eventually I had to ask myself:

Is this working? Is this sustainable? How long can I go on living in this prison?

I wasn’t happy.

It hit me one day when my now partner and I were seeing each other in the early days. We were at a restaurant and I’d ordered some wine and she jokingly said “can you not be seen with me without drinking?”

I felt terrible that she thought she was the problem, when in fact it was me. I was anxious that we were going to have sex and I wanted to ensure I felt confident enough and secure enough to perform well.

I knew this cycle couldn’t continue on forever.

I wanted to feel safe in my body during sex.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. For many people, alcohol becomes the silent buffer between our deepest insecurities and our desire to be loved. We drink to loosen up, to feel desirable, to silence the critic in our head — but what it often does is build a wall between who we are and who we want to be seen as.

Learning to feel safe in your own body — without numbing, performing, or escaping — is one of the most radical acts of intimacy. It means being fully present with your partner and with your own discomfort. It’s terrifying, but that’s where real connection lives.

I wonder how many people struggle to feel safe in their body during sex.

Soon after that interaction I spoke to her about how I was feeling and all that was going on with me and she listened with love. It was the exhale I was looking for. I could let myself be seen without the fear of being rejected in some way. That was the beginning of even deeper vulnerable communication and set the foundation for open and expansive conversations about all the intimate things we were both too afraid to share with anyone else.

Healing revealed itself in a new way.

Until that point I’d done a lot of work on myself but there came a time when I realised there is only so much healing that can happen on my own. After a certain point being in a relationship invited a deeper layer of healing. In a relationship you’re being seen in all your perfectly imperfect flaws, and that is a scary thing. Because now you’re exposed. I think on some level I was always too afraid to let someone in alllll the way, because there were parts of me I wanted to keep at a distance. Quietly living in the shadows. But it’s freeing to be seen totally and loved anyway. I don’t want to live in the shadows. I don’t want to hide parts of myself and remain trapped within the cycle of coping mechanisms that don’t serve me.

The courage to stop using alcohol as a crutch, voice my needs, and breathe through the discomfort in my body during sex, has taken a lot of courage.

You could be sober and use different forms of crutches. You could be a raging alcoholic lost to the drug totally or maybe you know someone who is. Or - and I sense there are many people in this category - you’re somewhere in between where it’s not entirely obvious to the outside world that you’re addicted to something to help you stay conveniently hidden.

I’m not saying you need to change entirely overnight. I certainly haven’t. But ask yourself honestly:

Is this working?

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how we can do all the “right” self-care practices—and still feel unwell. Still feel off.

• Engage in deep conversations

• Do meaningful work

• Get 8 hours of sleep

• Eat a balanced diet

• Take supplements

• Journal regularly

• Soak up sunlight

• Move your body

If my nervous system is constantly on edge none of it truly lands. It’s like watering a plant with closed roots. Nothing you feed it will really absorb.

The nervous system holds so much of our tension—past, present, and future. The story of our life lives in our nervous system. Many of us are either reliving old pain or anxiously scanning ahead. And even when our circumstances have changed, our system may still be living in yesterday’s stress.

One thing I’ve learned through my own journey with the body:

I can optimise every external input, but if I’m living in a baseline state of tension, anxiety, or unresolved emotion, my system remains dysregulated.

Time moves forward.

My body grows.

But my nervous system stays stuck in a past moment. It keeps feeding my system with old energy that is unprocessed, unseen, unmet.

And from that place, nothing truly nourishes. Not deeply anyway.

A regulated nervous system is the foundation for a healthy life.

It’s what allows the good stuff to land—to nourish, to restore, to be felt.

And the path to that regulation?

Learning to feel.

Learning to soothe.

Learning to notice.

And most importantly, asking the deeper questions:

What’s throwing me off-centre?
What’s pulling me out of balance?
What am I silently tolerating that’s quietly draining me?

It’s in untangling those invisible threads, the subtle ones woven through our days, that the body finally exhales.

While talking has been a powerful tool for me helping me understand my story and make peace with parts of myself there is only so much that talking can do. The body needs to be felt too. This is where somatic work comes in working with the body, not just the mind.

Softening it.

Listening to it.

Rebalancing it from the inside out.

This could look like:

• Meditation

• Massages

• Stretching

• Painting

• Facials

• Osteopathic adjustments

• Breathwork

• Dance

• Colonics

• Or anything else physical that intuitively feels good to your system

Somatic care isn’t about fixing, it’s about feeling. It’s about making space for what your body is quietly holding. The body stores things in layers.

What it needs will change over time.

That’s okay. That’s part of the process.

Even self-care, even healing, can be done with pressure.

Or with gentleness.

I’m learning to choose the second.

To soften the grip.

To approach myself with more kindness and to trust that balance isn’t something to force but something to remember.

With love,

V

If my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

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“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” - Rumi

Sometimes we don’t realise how far we’ve come until we take a moment to pause and truly reflect. Today, I was on a walk and I felt drawn to listening to a podcast episode that I had recorded with back in 2022.

This was our first conversation together and its important for two reasons:

• We had no idea what the future had in store for both of us as a couple (we were innocent friends who had just met at the time).

• I didn’t realise I had so much to be proud of until I listened back to myself retelling my story.

What also stood out to me was how much I was guided in life by the sense of something greater. That each stepping stone appeared as I needed it. That everything was eventually ok.

As I was listening I had a renewed sense of pride about who I was and who I had become. A lot has happened in the last 3 years since recording this episode but until that point there was already so much to share. I really loved the way I told the story and the clarity I spoke with. I am a great storyteller. I’ve not owned that before.

Many of us find it so hard to compliment ourselves and talk positively about ourselves. It’s a practise I am continuing to personally develop because for so long I struggled with my self-worth. Always comparing myself to others and feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. Listening to this episode today really made me hug myself for how much I’ve already endured and how committed I am to learning and growing with authenticity and humility.

Try this exercise: Get a pen and paper and describe yourself in a positive way. Notice how your body feels as you attempt this exercise. Notice what your mind says. Notice whether it feels easy or difficult.

Whether you’ve been following me for a while, or are new here, this episode gives you intimate insight into my journey so far and the wisdom I’ve picked up along the way.

It’s surreal listening back to this and noticing our dynamic together because we really had no idea that this conversation was in fact, the beginning of our new love story.

With love,

V

Lastly, if my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you” - Maya Angelou

I was gifted this book by a dear friend and spiritual teacher many months ago. But only recently did I feel drawn to taking it off the shelf, sitting on the sofa with a blanket, and reading it. Its message landed just at the perfect time. Whilst this book is shared through the lens of Christian practises, I take its core message and sit with it in my own way. I am not religious, but I do feel the presence of a greater energy. If you’re interested in understanding more about what I’ve written below I encourage you to read this book.

Ancestors are part of our family tree. I imagine the family tree as one vast, living nervous system. What happens in one part of the body affects the rest. Just like the nervous system, everything is connected. Even if we don’t fully understand the intricate workings of the body, we know when something is off. We feel it.

In the same way, I see the family tree as a giant nervous system. The people who came before me lived through stories, emotions, triumphs, and tragedies that are still rooted deep within the system. Every experience is encoded—spoken and unspoken, known and unknown. When they passed, they didn’t disappear. Their energetic imprint lingered in the family field.

Some of that pain was named; much of it was never spoken aloud. Some stories lived quietly in the hearts and minds of those left behind, while others were taken silently to the grave. Some were half-told, some buried in silence, and others left completely in the shadows. This includes everyone and everything: those who were stillborn or miscarried, those lost to murder or tragic accident, those who were abused, silenced, shamed, or who took their own life. All the places where love was withheld, denied, or never allowed to fully exist—in every imaginable form.

I’ll never know the full extent of what they endured, but I want to take this moment to honor them because there’s something powerful in being witnessed and in having your story acknowledged. Because while your physical body may have left this world, your spirit may still be lingering, restless. Not resting in peace, but in unrest. Like you have a hunger that needs to be satisfied but you have no mouth to eat anymore. Because you no longer have a physical voice in this world, you speak through those of us who are still open. You whisper through us until your story is seen. It brings a sense of completion. The end to a cycle of unrest and unease.

I honour you. I acknowledge that you existed. That you mattered. That your story is worthy of being seen, heard, and remembered. If no one else in our lineage has paused to say it, let me be the one:

I see you.
I hear you.
You matter.
Your story matters.
You are part of this family too.

Today, I choose to see you. I choose to love you. And in doing so, I release myself from your pain. I will not carry your pain any longer. I honour this tree we share…and I choose to be a different fruit. I am ready to fall from this branch and plant a new seed—a seed of peace, joy, prosperity, health, wealth, kindness, compassion, freedom, and expansion. I am no longer choosing to be part of the same cycles that have been perpetuated for generations. With love and respect, I am here to begin something new.

Just as a mango falls from a tree when it is ripen enough, I too am choosing to fall from this tree to begin a new chapter. I am ready to drop and be released from your past.

And so—
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.
You are forgiven.

And now…

You are free.

With love,

V

Lastly, if my words have resonated with you this year or helped you in some way, I humbly invite you to consider upgrading your subscription to paid as a way to show your support. It would mean the world to me as I pour my soul into each piece I share.

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.

Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤

Enjoy my words? Upgrade to paid 😃

“You must be willing to let go of the life you planned so as to have the life that is waiting for you.” - Joseph Campbell

The truth keeps changing.

There came a point in my journey where the veil was removed. Illusions shattered. What I once thought was true no longer held true. I see now that stories I once held so tightly were actually fluid. But at the time I treated them as though they were always the ending. That there were no more good chapters left. I held them as if they were permanent, but I see now the story of my life is ever-evolving and never ending.

As my dear friend, mentor, and brother once said, “The plot continues to thicken”.

So then, what is truth exactly?

Here’s my best definition right now:

A temporary agreement you assign about yourself or the world.

There was a time when I thought I’d be a lawyer, it felt true at the time. In 2010 I studied 3 years of Law at University and went to Law School thereafter. I was the first to graduate in Law in my family. Proud parents. But something didn’t feel aligned inside and I was afraid to admit it for two reasons.

First: I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. I’d finally given them the opportunity to be proud of me after feeling like a failure in so many areas of my life. Those of you with ethnic parents probably know exactly what this feels like.

I achieved a black belt in Karate by 15, but never progressed beyond that (there were 6 more levels of black after that 1^st Dan). Around the same time I did Gymnastics at an advance level, competed once and failed. I danced but never won any competitions. I did model shoots but never became a model. I got caught having my first alcoholic drink at 15 and got shouted at by my dad. At 17 my dad found a pack of condoms in the back of my cupboard (which I pretended were a friend’s when he confronted me, classic). I was bad for having a girlfriend and not focusing on my studies. I failed my initial GCSE exams in Year 10. I was always told off for not doing enough chores. It seemed everything I did was never enough. So going to university was the one thing I could hang on to. I felt so sure I was going to be a big corporate lawyer in London. Everyone would know my name. I’d be earning big bucks, solving big cases, in my big top floor office. But as graduation grew closer something inside me began to shift. A deep stirring inside my soul. There was a sense of something else far greater on the horizon. But because I couldn’t put words to it, I couldn’t justify it with logic, or make sense with it in my head, it didn’t feel like enough.

I have to also mention that at the time when I started University I was already dating my then girlfriend for 3 years. Both our families knew each other, we spoke the same language, we both studied Law. I even saved her as “Wifey” on my phone because I was so sure we were going to marry. Picture perfect right? Wrong. Second year of university we broke up. A few months later I collided with a girl called J. But we’ll get to that.

Second: I didn’t really know what I would do instead. I felt like I needed to have some other plan in place before I could really admit I didn’t want to practice Law. I needed another perfect plan to replace it with.

The next truth I felt at the time was creating an online business. It wasn’t a solid plan, I was winging it really, but it felt solid at the time because others I knew were successful at it. My parents thought I was crazy. “You’re living in a dreamworld” and “You’re gonna be left behind everyone else with all this.” were statements I would often hear. But I thought it was my ticket to…freedom.

Freedom at the time meant one thing: financial freedom. “If only I can get rich enough then I’ll have the time to find my passions”. It felt like the truth. I even began feeling a sense of superiority over others who were working corporate jobs. Today, that is no longer my truth. The path of finding your passion means you’re pursuing your most authentic expression, and in doing so, everything else that is meant for you arrives along the way. You attract the right energy into your life. I didn’t know about energy back then. It was all grit and grind. 5am wakeups and coffee-fuelled hustle. In hindsight, I’m glad those businesses never worked out because I’d hate to be operating businesses that I had no interest in whatsoever. But my soul had to learn that lesson.

Don’t chase someone else’s blueprint of success. Find your own.

Remember the girl called J I met in my second year of University? Well, we ended up together 7 years. Again, picture perfect. Everyone thought we’d get married, so did I. I thought I wanted the big house, kids, the car, all with the picture-perfect Indian woman by 30. But now I’m not so sure. I realise that dream was not mine, but my dad’s. He had all those things by 28. I’m 33 and the last decade has been spent untangling many of the false truths that were weaved by my parents, ancestors, and society about what truth is. I’m finding that truth is fluid. It changes as you change. That’s why it’s so important to remain eternally curious and honour your version of the truth in each moment.

A couple new truths I’m exploring:

• I’m allowing myself to contemplate a life without kids. It’s something I’ve never seriously considered because kids were always part of my fabric of truth, a marker of success. Of course you had kids, everyone did. Wrong. Not everyone chooses to have them. I mean reparenting and healing yourself is big enough task as it is lol.

• I always thought I’d have a big wedding, all the Indian weddings I went to growing up were lavish you spent thousands on ceremony and parties. All to invite people you barely speak to lol. No thank you. I’d much rather have something private and intimate with the least amount of people as possible.

I grew up feeling unconfident and insecure about myself because I always felt 10 steps behind everyone else. But now I realise I was yet to bloom. The seed within me hadn’t matured yet. As my soul blooms, so does my expression in the world. The more room I give my soul to bloom, to breathe, to branch out, the more facets of myself I can express freely in the world. I am no longer suffocated. I am free. Freedom is not about money. It is about freeing yourself from the shackles of your past. The cobweb of ancient stories placed upon you. Removing the daggers of shame from society designed to keep you in a box. That’s freedom.

Freedom is living truly in the present moment and being the most authentic expression of myself I can be in each moment.

So you see, the truth seems to be shifting as my identity shifts. What was once true for a previous version of me is no longer true today. What is true for me today may no longer be true for a version of me that arrives tomorrow.

Hold your truths lightly for they may soon change.

With love,

V

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