I’ve started my summer break from my teaching role.

Joy of joys.

I’m not one to countdown towards the holidays because it feels like you are wishing your life away, but I was ready for this break.

Yet my brain is still in work-mode. It doesn’t help that I have some psychology coursework to mark, although I am leaving that until once I’ve had a chance to catch up with my family and friends. Therefore, for the next few weeks, I’ll be taking a short holiday not just work but also from this newsletter.

But before all of that, I wanted to reflect on the past year since I returned to teaching after a career break. So, keep reading if you’re interested in a stream of consciousness!

Finally, thank you for following or subscribing to The Best of Intentions. Your decision to spend some time here means a great deal to me.

Best,

Sarah

Leave a comment

• I’m a morning person and so I prefer to get to work early and when I leave work, I try to leave as much of the work at work. Doesn’t always happen as neatly as that, but I am better than I was a few years ago.

• Don’t overthink breakfast and ideally, prepare something the night before. My go to? Granola, Greek yoghurt, some seeds and fruit. All topped with a big dollop of nut butter.

• Exercise. This I have found challenging over the year, especially finding the motivation and energy after a long day at work. A few things have helped; assuming that I have packed a gym bag, 70% of the time, I do feel better having done something at the gym or after a run. I’ve also joined a gym that is about a five minute walk from my house. Convenience is key.

• You don’t need to reply to emails immediately, unless it’s urgent, which it generally never is. (True most of the time outside of a work context, too? I say this having just responded to a request to pay the home insurance.)

• It’s not ground-breaking, but I have started sending more emails via schedule send.

Share

• Find your people. They may not exist in your faculty/immediate vicinity, but they will be there. Just give it some time.

• The admin staff are your friends. Treat them with respect and be genuine about it.

• Also, the cleaners and other people in the maintenance team are some of the most important and often the generous people in the school. (I have been surprised at how some senior teaching staff completely ignore them - really rude.)

• A bit like with emails, don’t drop everything when a student requests something unless it’s an actual emergency/safeguarding issue outside of lesson time (another email issue). Many students think everything is an emergency, particularly when it comes to their work. 99% of the time, it really isn’t. They just need to think harder.

• Go for a walk. Do this often. And if that means leaving the school building, even better.

• Listen to some good music.

• Avoid the gossip. Being the subject of it, and getting involved with it. But…

• If do need to blow off steam, do it over a beer rather than at the desk.

• Don’t allow people to schedule meetings during your lunch.

• I often find myself thinking about the cognitive bias of fundamental attribution error when I’m at work. This is where we have a tendency to overemphasis someone’s personality in an attempt to explain their behaviour, and underplay the role of external factors. That colleague who is short with you for no apparent reason? Is it their personality, or could it be something to do with their life outside of work? Same is true for students. Either way, unless it’s really upsetting you/affecting your work, it’s probably not worth thinking about too much. Or they could just be a d$%k.

• Good topics to chat about at break time and lunch are pets and food. Not necessarily together.

• Moving around less for my teaching would really help my life at work. I’m hoping it will be better in the new academic year.

• Kids are funny.

I’m sure that there are other things, but that’s enough for now.

See you in a few weeks!

Thank you for reading. All writing on TBOI is free to read, but if you would like to support my work, please like this post, share your thoughts in the comments, or you could become a subscriber.

Subscribe now

Hear ye! Hear ye!

The end of the academic year is nigh!

This is just in time for what is predicted to be one of the hottest summers on record in Hong Kong, and likely for most countries in the Northern Hemisphere. (I read recently that some places in India have already hit 45 degrees Celsius.) You’d think that all of this heat and the accompanying effects might concern governments around the world, but when you’ve got the leader of at least one nation who doesn’t believe in climate change, then instead you see news stories about Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) fights taking place at the White House.

Anyway, here is the latest Best Recs, an occasional round-up type post where I share some stuff that I’ve been enjoying.

If there is anything that you want to share, please let me know in the comments (especially for summer reading)!

Sarah

Leave a comment

Austen-mania

A short while ago, I finished watching The Other Bennet Sister. After reading the book during the pandemic, I was looking forward to the series when it was announced last year.

And readers, I loved it.

Even my husband enjoyed it, as well as my dad who watched it with my mum. Nice bonding material across the generations, there.

Mary was played with tenderness by Ella Bruccoleri, but there was a cheekiness to the performance, too. I particularly enjoyed the scenes between Mary and her aunt and uncle, Mr and Mrs Gardiner (Richard Coyle and Indira Varma).

Meanwhile, Ruth Jones played a formidable Mrs Bennett as compared to the (excellent and) highly vexed Alison Steadman from the 1995 BBC adaptation of ‘Pride and Prejudice’.

At times, Jones’s Mrs Bennet was cruel in how she interacted with Mary, making some scenes difficult to watch. Yet, in some ways, Jones’s portrayal and the accompanying backstory provided a unique perspective to Mrs Bennet’s life, one that you certainly wouldn’t learn from the original book by Austen. And without giving away too much away, I did feel some empathy for the character, as well as for Caroline Bingley (yep, she has a key role!).

This was television at its best.

Donkey Kong Bananaza!

Despite a desire to purchase a Nintendo Switch 2 since its release, I held off. It’s high cost, as well as continuing to enjoy the games on my Switch 1 meant that the purchase felt unnecessary. But when I learned that there would be several titles that I was interested in playing that were only available on the newer hardware, I couldn’t resist.

On the day of purchase at my favourite gaming shop in Wan Chai, I picked up the Final Fantasy VII Remake: Intergrade (not as much fun as I thought it would be, after enjoying the original game, but let’s see what Rebirth is like), and the new Donkey Kong Bananza.

I’ve barely touched FF7 because DK Bananza is ridiculously fun. The graphics are gorgeous and the story is entertaining, if some of the tasks become a little repetitive as you progress. You basically spend your time smashing stuff, collecting bananas, and upgrading DK so that you can transform into other hybrid animals, e.g., gorilla and a snake.

I’m now hoping for a revamped Banjo-Kazooie.

Recent-ish reads and listens

• This piece from Rosie Spinks on how a project will save you.

• The Kylie documentary, which prompted me to revisit some of my favourite Kylie tracks 💃❤️

• Do you often feel that much of your spare time is spent doing busy work, e.g., filling in online surveys about something that happened recently at work (that no-one is going to read!), or spending ages communicating with chatbots to update your payment details for something? This piece from the NY Times will remind you that most people are in the same position. Is AI helping with the work? Maybe not.

• British pub rules

• I devoured the Everything is Fake (and Nobody Cares) podcast.

• After returning from a recent work trip, I went a little crazy in a book store in preparation for some summer travel. I have started with The Wedding People.

And to finish. TLC. Salt-N-Pepa AND En Vogue. Fabulous.

Have a great week! Hit the ❤️ if you liked this post. And here’s what subscribers have received recently:

Hope you are doing ok?

I was away last week for a work trip to Shandong Province in northern China. As I write this, my brain and body are still slowing down from the bustle and hustle from it all. Imagine the scenario: six days in four different hotels with 38 11-year olds 🤯🥴

Along with a group of colleagues from my school and a team based in China, we climbed mountains (quite literally) as well as visited the cemetery of the Chinese philosopher, Confucius. I am hoping to write more about the specific activities, but for today, I wanted to share some of the photos from the trip.

Share

A view from Signal Hill in Qingdao. The city was occupied by the Germans in the late 19th century until the outbreak of WW1, which led to some of the European-looking architecture (and the beer - TsingTao).

Fun fact! The first train station in China was built in Qingdao by the Germans and you can still see some of the facade today. I didn’t take a picture though, sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

Confucius’s grave in Qufu. You may notice some damage to the top of the headstone. I asked about this and was informed that this happened during the Cultural Revolution due to anti-Confucian sentiment.

Mount Tai, which is the highest point in Shandong Province. We took a shuttle bus part of the way up, thankfully.

One view from the near the top after climbing 6000 steps. My calves are still busted from it.

A nice view with a shrine.

I really did not have the legs to climb more steps. Fortunately, we stopped at this point and enjoyed the views before our descent.

This says something like the view is pleasing to the eye (anyone want to help here?).

Halfway up, I checked my phone. By this point, most of the kids were asking ‘How much longer?’ As was I. And then I saw the location of ‘Life-Abandoning Cliff’. Oh dear.

And my first encounter with a hotel delivery robot. It did not like me walking in its way.

Thanks for stopping by,

Sarah

No new post this time because writing ‘for pleasure’ has taken a back seat to writing ‘for work’. It’s reporting season, so I’ve been trying to get everything finished before heading off on a school trip next week. Therefore, I am sharing one of my favourite (and most read) posts from the archives.

Thanks for being here,

Sarah

In Oliver Burkeman’s superb book: ‘Mediation for Mortals — Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts’, he uses a remarkably simple analogy that has helped me to reconsider some of my decision-making.

Burkeman suggests that to be human is like sitting in a one-person kayak riding along a river of time. We can make some decisions in our kayak, like turning this way and that, but he writes:

Burkeman recognises that we would all probably like a bit more control in our lives, and so it seems appropriate that he contrasts the kayak with a super-yacht. Here, we can program the route and then enjoy the views while we ride the calm waves towards our destination.

He says that the idea of being on a super-yacht is what a lot of self-improvement books/schemes can project to us: we just need to have X, Y, Z in place and then we become more successful/have more meaning in our lives and so on. Yet, what often ends up happening is that we spend more time on the planning rather than the doing while the destination moves further away into the distance.

Instead, Burkeman suggests that we must face the truth that we will always be in the kayak, and that if we can steer vaguely in the direction of where we want to go, then whatever our destination is can become clearer.

I would also add to this that if we are constantly trying to manoeuvre away from the natural currents of life, then we are risk of not living at all (well, that was my interpretation of his ideas).

We shall see how it goes.

And I mean, it can’t be all bad being on a super-yacht, right? There’s probably some great food and a place to chill on the deck…

See you next time 🤩

Leave a comment

From the few occasions that I have visited the country, I can understand how it became ranked as the world’s most desirable destination (according to luxury travel magazine, Condé Nast). Besides the remarkable topography; when you move around you see the cleanliness of the cities (I am yet to visit more rural parts); how efficient the public transport is (I thought that Hong Kong was efficient, but Japan takes this to a whole new level); and how friendly and patient the people are (because basic Japanese will only get you so far). And this is before I mention cultural markers, including the country’s fascinating history, and the food scene. Although another factor for the swelling of tourist numbers is likely related to a weak yen.

A desire to visit Japan has become a reality, not just for me as someone who lives in Asia, but for lots of people1. This graph illustrates the increase of overseas visitors over the past 20 years:

Japan isn’t the only place experiencing swelling tourist numbers, I see this in Hong Kong. Nearly 50 million people visited the territory last year, although this was almost 20 million less than those who came in 20182. These figures are especially mind-boggling when you consider the landmass and ‘useable space’ of Hong Kong. You really do see and feel the impact of there being more people around, especially when using public transport or when you head into the denser areas, and more obvious tourist spots such as Central on Hong Kong Island. (The narrow pavements don’t help.)

I know that tourism supports economies and livelihoods. And don’t get me wrong: I believe that tourism can be force for good—I am a fully paid up member of the ‘travelling can help open your mind’ club. (The title needs some refinement, but I think you get the idea.) But some recent experiences of being a tourist, and also from living in a place that is popular for tourists has reminded me of an uncomfortable truth: At times, people can suck.

Perhaps more details will help.

While in Japan last October, my husband and I went to Hiroshima. I think that it goes without saying that one of the main reasons people visit Hiroshima is so that they can head to the Peace Memorial Museum and the Peace Park. The museum and the accompanying monuments are dedicated to documenting and remembering the atomic bombing of the city in 1945.

At the museum, you’ll find details about the various exhibits, along with information about the impact of the bombing and the aftermath. These left a lasting impression on both me and my husband. But at the time, I remember walking around the museum space feeling conflicted; the behaviour of some of the other tourists left me wondering about the state of the world. How was it ok that in a space—THIS SPACE— people were doing selfies and pulling poses like rabbit ears, peace signs, and so on? You might disagree, but some of the behaviour of this sort felt disrespectful.

Yet that wasn’t all. At one point, I stopped to look at some jewellery that had been recovered from buildings close to the epicentre. As I leaned in to read the accompanying plaque, a man stepped in front of me to take a photo. He was that close that his shirt grazed my chest (and as a female, I felt slightly violated). Instinctively, I moved back. Given the nature of the museum, I didn’t feel that it was appropriate to start an argument with the man, but this and several other similar interactions left me feeling irritated.

I want to add here that Hiroshima is a remarkable place. Like a lot of Japanese cities, it is walkable and you can find yourself getting comfortably lost in the side streets, and perhaps stumbling upon a place that sells a freshly prepared okonomiyaki (a savoury pancake served with cabbage, noodles and various other delicious ingredients). Also, assuming that you visit by train, I would highly recommend walking back to the station from the Peace Park.

Shortly before a more recent trip to Japan in February, I read an article about a cherry blossom festival near Mount Fuji that had been cancelled due to poor tourist behaviour.

“Authorities cited repeated incidents of disruptive behaviour from tourists in the city, which lies to the west of Tokyo. In addition to “opening private home doors without permission to use the restroom,” officials reported “trespassing, littering,” and tourists “defecating in private yards and raising a fuss when residents pointed this out,” the city said.” (Maya Yang, 2026).

Walking into people’s home and using their toilet? Defecating in private yards? And the tourists are annoyed by the residents pointing this out?

WHAT!?

These awful examples are far removed from a man stepping in front of me in a museum to take a photo, but they all point to a sense of entitlement, in the way that a person’s desires at that time are more important than anything else.

We could blame overtourism, a difference in perception, or a degree of ignorance about local customs for poor behaviour. (I am sorry, but if you need to go to the bathroom that much, then pay more attention to the cafes or public facilities as you are wandering around.) Similarly, we could point the finger at technology like mobile phones and the desire to document everything3. And while I do believe that all of these contribute to some forms of poor behaviour (I must take that picture now!), I have started to think more about the reasons behind this.

Poor tourist behaviour is nothing new. In my early 20s, I visited Egypt and was weirdly surprised to find 2000 year-plus graffiti markings on some of the ancient monuments. And I do particularly like this quote from Seneca the Younger about tourists in Ancient Rome:

“Why must I look at drunks staggering along the shore or noisy boating parties ... Who wants to listen to the squabbles of nocturnal serenaders?”

It sounds like some of the boys or girls-on-tour groups that I’ve seen at airports in the UK!

I have a few loose theories about why some people act this way using only anecdotal evidence as my guide, but one thing that I keep returning to is this: main character energy, whereby individuals prioritise their own happiness or needs, like a protagonist would in their own story (Thanks Urban Dictionary.)

Travel is often presented as a right, rather than a privilege. And if we view travel through this lens, then it is little wonder that some people feel entitled to a particular type of service, or to have a certain experience. Add to the mix a cocktail of imagery and hashtags on social media; romanticising cultures; emphasising the consumer as king, and your needs being paramount, then we are all at risk of becoming the main character.

Conveniently, when I was doing some research for this piece, I came across an article that argued something similar, where:

'“When away from home, some people can become rude and demanding in a way that assumes locals, service professionals and others are there solely to serve them.” (Lynn Brown, 2024).

Although main character energy doesn’t have any scientific basis, it could be argued that it ties with our self-concept. This refers to how we perceive ourselves, physically and psychologically, in terms of our values, qualities and so on. And when we travel somewhere new, we take our selves with us. For example, when you visit Japan, you will experience a culture that respects social etiquette and collective responsibility. One way that this manifests is that public areas like parks are clean because along with crews looking after them, locals are encouraged to tidy up after themselves (there are often few bins out and about in Japan, so carry your rubbish with you). Yet, if you don’t place much value on things like collective responsibility and tidying up when you’re at home, then you might be less likely to notice mess, or place less emphasis on cleaning up when you’re travelling4.

Looking back, I wish that I had done something differently when I was visiting the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. It wouldn’t have taken much for me to tap the man on the shoulder, or for him to pay a little more attention to his surroundings before taking his photo. But neither of these happened.

Perhaps next time.

Leave a comment

If you’ve read this far, thank you! I hope that you can forgive this indulgent post - me, moaning about other travellers when I am fortunate to be able to travel to such wonderful places like Japan.

Best,

Sarah

Liked this post? You might enjoy this:

Over the Easter weekend, my husband and I went to Ho Chi Minh City, and I was beyond excited. HCMC, or Saigon holds special memories for me, some of which I’d shared in an earlier post:

Why am I an idiot?

Well. Prior to the trip, my attention was pulled in a few different directions in a work sense, including: preparing Grade 11 students for mock exams (these have taken place now, and now I am in marking purgatory); and parent-teacher conferences (a whole week of them). By the time school was out for Easter, my brain felt like mush. I remembered to pack clothes, my passport, and my camera, but failed to check (a) that the camera battery was charged, or (b) if I had packed the backup.

Here are the shots that I took with before the battery died on day two. All taken in District 1.

And then the camera wouldn’t turn on.

All the best,

Sarah

Leave a comment

If you enjoyed this post, you might like these:

I first published a version of this essay a little over two years ago, in March 2024. But I’ve decided to republish it because I am away over Easter. Can you guess where I’ve headed?

Happy Easter!

Sarah

I moved to Vietnam in 2014 after accepting a job working in an international school. And at that point in my life, the closest geographically that I had been to Asia was on a trip to India a few years earlier.

It was a wild decision, and I can still remember the surprise on my parent’s faces when I told them what I was doing, but moving to Vietnam remains one of the best decisions that I ever made.

***

Vietnam was the first place where I found myself drawn to photography. But it became clear rather quickly that I had no idea what I was doing and needed some guidance.

This guidance came in a few forms; YouTube videos were a great start, as was paying closer attention to the work of artists that I was drawn too, but when I started working at the school in Vietnam, I connected with the art teacher.

My art teacher colleague became one of my closest friends (and still is), and she taught me how to think about framing; what makes for an interesting image; and even advised me on my first DSLR camera purchase (that I bought in Wan Chai Computer Centre, Hong Kong). However, the most important lesson I took away was that you simply have to get out there. Exploration is key. Every few months we would organise photography dates and ride around a random neighbourhood and shoot. We usually finished these session at a roadside cafe with an ice cold Soda Chanh Muối (a Vietnamese lemonade).

These sessions taught me that there doesn’t necessarily need to be an agenda with photography, or with any art form.

So, after that introduction, here are five photos of Vietnam that hopefully tell a story about my time living there.

I took this photo on a street photography course in 2016 (a gift from my now-husband). This kid was fantastic and the perfect model, pulling a range of expressions and using props such as his bicycle helmet and some prayer beads. In this case, the steady gaze he held was why I chose to share this over some of the others I took. I also like the contrast of the background (yellow shutter on the right, and the pale blue/green of the wall on the left) as it draws a neat line towards where his hand is held.

Another photo from the street photography course. I recall that this lady was particularly patient with me as I tried to fiddle around with the manual settings of what was a new DSLR camera at the time. Again, it’s the eyes that draw me in here. I could have done a lot more with the framing, but a great deal of the joy with street photography is that you don’t have long to set things up. You have to learn to let go and roll with the events that are unfolding, and this in case, the lady was trying to get her fruit stall set up for a day’s work rather than wait around for me to take a photo.

Shortly before I left Vietnam, I went on a solo tour of some of the northern parts of the country. I took an overnight train from Hanoi (which was not that conducive for sleeping) to Sa Pa, one of the largest towns in NW Vietnam. Immediately after dropping my bags off at the hotel, I was taken for a delicious bowl of chicken phở (Phở Ga) where I met my hiking guide who was a member of the Hmong community. This photo was taken on the first day of my trip where we hiked about 20km traversing rice paddies and wandering through mountain villages. If you look closely towards the top right-ish of the image, you can see a huge hotel on one of the hills. I noticed in my short time in Sa Pa there was a great deal of construction under way to accommodate a tourist boom.

The second half of the same trip to northern Vietnam took me to Hạ Long Bay. Here, I joined a boat tour that took me around some of the islands. It’s hard to put into words the scale of this place, and how these enormous limestone formations frame the landscape. On my first day there, we stopped at one of these islands as this had the advantage of some elevation to survey the area. The boat that you can see was not the one I was sailing on.

It was difficult trying to select the final photo for this post, but in the end I decided to go with this. It’s a noisy image, but one that makes me smile every time and it was something that I probably shouldn’t have taken given that I was riding my bike at the time 😳

Leave a comment

Monday

I opened the door to the classroom to find the tables in complete disarray; some were bunched together in groups and pushed against one of the walls, while others sat facing in different directions. The whiteboard was covered with text, and scrunched up balls of A4 paper lay discarded on the floor.

After shouting a few choice words in my head, I began to tidy up. It was almost the end of break by the time I’d finished, just as my next class were arriving.

Tuesday

I’d eaten breakfast in the office, and it was time to get ready for the first lesson of the day with Grade 6 (Year 7). I made my way down to the room, a different one from the previous day. It was a busy lesson, i.e., the students needed paper, scissors, and glue-sticks. The previous afternoon, I’d wanted to get things organised and made a box with a sign attached that politely asked others (teachers and students) to put things back after use.

So, you might imagine my surprise to find that on that Tuesday morning, the box had been raided, leaving only a few cap-less pens, some sweet wrappers (!), and one glue stick. I burst into tears.

Welcome to the life of a classroom-less teacher!

I like my job, but one of my least favourite things is the rooming situation; across seven classes, I teach in eleven different rooms. It sucks, mainly because having multiple classrooms is not just stressful for me, it’s stressful for the students. You can do your best to be organised like packing a bag to drag around with you, but at some point, it’s likely that you will forget something, and the same is true for the students.

The biggest issue, however, is that because most of the teaching body are in a similar position, i.e., teaching in multiple classrooms across any given day, no-one takes ownership of the space. Therefore, you regularly find rooms looking a mess, which leaves you feeling pissed off, and distracted from what you are employed to do, you know, teaching. I am by no means perfect, but I like to make sure that the classroom I am teaching is left in a reasonable condition before dashing off to wherever I am due next.

If you’ve read or listened this far, you can tell that the issue of other people not cleaning up after themselves at my place of work bothers me. Like it really bothers me. But rather than let things fester and build to a point where I want to place hexes on my colleagues, I’ve decided to get curious. As a psychologist with a particular interest in behavioural science, I thought that I could put my research skills to the test. (Plus, nothing is going to change rooming-wise between now and the end of the academic year.)

Therefore, over the next few months, I have decided to conduct a sort-of scientific investigation using the following research questions: Why don’t people tidy the classrooms after use? And: what might encourage people to tidy the classrooms?

Because I don’t have a clear theory for this research, I will adopt an inductive approach. I’ll see where the data leads me, but also I am aware that when it comes to working in schools, there are countless variables that are not possible to control for.

However, my plan is to gather some data using multiple methods; like a checklist to identify the level of mess/tidiness in the different classrooms; and I also plan to have some conversations with colleagues (for ethical reasons, I will inform them that I am doing this and why I might be asking them some very specific questions). Finally, if there is an opportunity, I may gather some photos at the scene of the crime, e.g., of a messy classroom!

Let’s see what happens.

Leave a comment

Last month, my husband and I went to Japan over the lunar new year holiday. This trip was a little different to the last, when we visited over Golden Week (a major Chinese holiday) in October 2025. It had a slower pace for a start, visiting just two cities over five days — last year we did three over the same time.

Our base for the majority of the trip was Fukuoka, which is located on the northern shore of Kyushu. However, we also spent one night in Nagasaki, around a 90 minute train ride away to the west.

Shortly before the trip, I bought myself a 35mm lens having received a recommended about its versatility; particularly when travelling around. The lens did not disappoint.

Share

Anyway, let’s keep the words to a minimum. Here are some pictures from the trip:

Thanks for stopping by!

Sarah

Leave a comment

Several months ago, I was chatting with my husband and said something like:

“I spend too much time thinking about my friends.”

He asked me to expand on this, and I tried to articulate in what was an increasingly inarticulate and meandering way that it felt like some friendships took up a lot space in my brain.

This line of thinking had arrived at an interesting time; a good friend left Hong Kong last summer; while another got married and pretty much vanished off the face of the earth. By the end of 2025, these and a few other friendship-related shifts had left me feeling melancholic.

Check out the new the crib 🔥

To give you some context for the conversation with my husband, these (☝️) were the words that appeared in a text from the friend who got married and vanished. The message was followed by a series of videos à la Architectural Digest-style where I was shown around my friend’s new apartment. While watching the video, I felt a familiar tug of affection as they chatted away about what their plans were for the space, and I replied saying that it looked great. A follow-up text read:

We should get together soon

Ugh. My heart sank. I’ve come to learn that whenever you receive something like this, or indeed share it yourself, you should assume that nothing will happen. Life is busy, I get it. But I’ve found that there needs to be an immediate call to action, otherwise the intention gets lost.

You might be wondering, why didn’t I just arrange something with this friend? The simple answer was that I had. Over the course of probably a year or more, I’d offered concrete dates, times and possible venues, but nothing ever came from these. Responses invariably were: ‘I’ll get back to you’ with no follow-up, or texts went ignored.

Shifting expectations and investment

Around the same time as I received the messages from my friend, I read a piece by Philippa Perry about friendships:

“Platonic love that feels nourishing requires being seen in context. That means proximity, time, and effort. If your friendships don’t reflect who you are, the problem isn’t you being unclear. It’s likely a lack of cognitive investment from the other side”.

The idea of relationships being a form of investment was not new to me, but Perry’s words stuck with me. In reading her post, I was reminded that when my friend got married, a whole new life opened up for them and understandably, their cognitive investment in our friendship had changed, i.e., it had decreased. But the difference was that my investment hadn’t moved. For example, I still expected that my friend and I would text around the same amount as we had previously; meet up semi-regularly; and simply, have the same sort of relationship as we had before they got married. And the more I thought about this, the more I cringed. It was as though I’d placed the relationship in amber, which didn’t allow room for the friendship to evolve.

It all sounds very business-like to describe relationships as a form of ‘investment’, and I am certainly not advocating that you draw up a profit and loss spreadsheet for your friends (or you might want to), but Perry’s piece provided me with a sharp reminder that energy is finite. You cannot invest in people to same the degrees at all times. Also, the piece helped me to consider some of my relationships in a more objective way, and this resulted in something else: it helped to shift my expectations.

One thing that I keep coming back to when I think about friendships is the amount of ambiguity that surrounds them, as compared to say a romantic partner or a relationship with a family member. It’s not like any of my friends, signed a contract when we started hanging out stating the T&Cs, right? However, unlike with romantic partners where you perform rituals and make public declarations, with friendships there can be many things that are left unsaid leaving the status open to interpretation. And this is where our own expectations about a relationship can be out of whack with someone else’s.

Having the freedom to change

When I started to think about some of my friendships through the lens of investing finite cognitive resources, a weight started to lift. The fretting, worrying, anxiety, whatever we want to call it that I would experience when I’d try to fix something up with people who may or may not get back to me, has been reduced. Now, I put an invite out there and if something lands, great. If not, then typically, I move on.

A consequence of this realisation has meant that my friendship circle has shrunk. Considerably. And noticeably so over the past six months. There is some sadness here. At the same time, I think there was a part of me that was in denial about the state of these friendships. But rather than facing the reality that a particular relationship wasn’t that healthy anymore, or god forbid, try to address any discomfort with them, I buried my head deep in the sand but continued to cling on (love mixed metaphors), hoping that things would change of their own accord. When I reflect more on this, it’s funny to me how much more agency we have than we often think.

I’d be lying to you and myself if I were to say that the fretting/worrying/anxiety has disappeared entirely. But since I’ve become more aware of where I want to invest my resources, I’ve found that I am better at recognising how other people are investing their own, and particularly when it comes our relationship. I know that I don’t want to bury my head in the sand anymore.

So, where does this leave things now?

Well, the friend who left Hong Kong last summer will be visiting soon, and a bunch of us are getting together for lunch. And the friend who got married and vanished—they’re having a baby. We were in touch recently, something I instigated, to wish them well. But then nothing else came of it, in terms of suggestions to meet. They didn’t suggest something, and neither did I. And that’s ok. They’re investing their time elsewhere, and as will I.

Thanks for reading or listening, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post.

Leave a comment

Thank you! Everything you read here at The Best of Intentions is free, but if you want to support my work, please like, share or add your thoughts in the comments. Every bit helps!

Sarah

Kung Hei Fat Choi! Happy Lunar New Year!

I went to Japan last week. It was wonderful! Lots of exploring; eating superb food (ramen, ramen and more ramen); drinking plenty of sake; and I even bumped into an old colleague that I haven’t seen in nearly ten years. Who would have thought it?

Prior to the trip, I decided that I would take a break from social media, or just specifically, Substack. It might sound a bit pretentious to say that you’re taking a break from social media, but it seems as though I have come back from trip feeling lighter. I’d recommend it. Plus, that reflex of hitting the Substack app whenever I unlocked my phone has diminished. (I still used my phone while I was away, but was far more interested in looking up the news/medals table for the Winter Olympics on BBC Sport.)

Perhaps inevitably, I’m now experiencing the physical and psychological disconnect from largely having set my own agenda and pace (along with my husband) over the holiday, to one that is dictated by my job, that of course, helps me pay for trips like Japan.

Anyway, I also took some photos, which I am steadily going through as well as some from around Hong Kong before LNY. Therefore, I’ll be back soon with something more substantial.

See you next time!

Sarah

Share

Leave a comment

Hi readers,

I haven’t done this type of post since November, so I thought that it was time to reflect on some things that I’ve enjoyed over the past few months. Also, I needed some nice things to think about given how awful some of the international news has been over the same time period.

If there is anything that you have been reading/watching/listening to that you’d like to share, please do!

Thanks for being here,

Sarah

Leave a comment

Listening

Podcast: Kermode and Mayo’s Take

I first started listening to Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo when they fronted their film review show on BBC Radio 5 Live. Kermode’s take-down of Sex and the City 2 is still one of the finest film reviews that I’ve ever listened to (note: this is not hyperbole). In the first minute, Kermode uses the words: putrid, ghastly, and vomit-inducing, to give you an idea. Despite Kermode’s obvious exasperation at how the film was even made in the first place, there is humour within the review itself. A British dryness that I appreciate.

Anyway, I was curious as to what Kermode would have to say about the Melania documentary, mainly because you might not that be surprised to read that I have zero interest in watching it myself. Similar to his review of SATC2, it is a devastatingly open and entertaining take-down. Yet, in contrast, you can tell that Kermode hated not just every second of watching the documentary, but even just thinking and talking about it here makes him appear exhausted. His analysis of the music choices for the film are particularly striking, too.

Here’s a quote from the episode: “It’s like somebody making a documentary in which Eva Braun feels sad about war while Hitler invades Poland.” (Mark Kermode). 🎤 drop.

Reading

Perfection, Vincenzo Latronico

I probably wouldn’t have read ‘Perfection’ had I come across it in a book shop. The title tells me little, and that plain blue cover — what is it even about? I get nothing from the front of the book sleeve (FYI - blue is my favourite colour). Plus, it was shortlisted for the Booker Prize. I have read books nominated for literary prizes before (see below), but there is something that still intimidates me about reading literary fiction. (Does this book count as literary fiction? I don’t even know.)

Despite my hang-ups, I picked up a copy of ‘Perfection’ at a second-hand book sale in mid-January. I read it in two days. It is short at around 100 pages, so partly the reason for the quick turnaround, but it tells the story of two expats, Anna and Tom who live in Berlin. The choice of ‘expat’ is deliberate, I’m sure, rather than immigrant. And here, we learn that the couple live a privileged existence working remotely, sub-letting their apartment while they travel, and take recreational drugs with their friends.

That might not appeal to everyone. And the absence of any dialogue was strange, as though I was watching Anna and Tom’s lives through a bubble. However, this bubble-like quality felt apt when some reviews describe the book like a sociological analysis — how they live; how they interact and treat others; how they care for their plants (or pay other people to). It is a book that I will keep and return to, I’m sure.

The Artist, Lucy Steeds

I borrowed Steeds’s debut (winner of a literary prize!) from a colleague and friend. It tells the story of a young man, Joseph who heads to the south of France to interview a reclusive artist. Set in the 1920s, the story combines insights from those affected following the Great War, along with the growing societal changes from the suffrage movement.

I wasn’t hooked initially; but I did enjoy the rich descriptions of the landscape and food (another character in a way). Plus, the relationships between each of the central and side-characters felt genuine.

Watching

Netflix: Take That documentary

I went to see Take That in concert at Manchester Arena back in 1994. Wowzers. I was 11! And I also bought a mug with this image on it:

I use the present tense because the mug sits at the back of one of the cupboards at my parent’s house. My mum thinks that it might be worth something by now.

Watching the three-part documentary on Netflix was like a time capsule to my pre-teens. Gary’s blonde peroxide hair! Howard and Jason’s backflips! Mark Owen’s ‘Junkie’s baddy powder’ t-shirt from the Relight my Fire music video! And Robbie’s dummy necklace!

I never knew that Gary Barlow had been hired by the then-manager, Nigel Martin-Smith before the auditions took place to create the band. But given that Barlow’s talent as a songwriter didn’t quite translate to having that special something required to be a solo artist, it made sense to build a band around him1. One thing that would have added to the series was having sit-down interviews with the current members: Barlow, Mark Owen, and Howard Donald, rather than just using voice-overs.

Perhaps not a watch for everyone, but I enjoyed it!

Film: Wuthering Heights (and the soundtrack)

I first read the novel around this time last year and didn’t enjoy it. It was confusing, especially when the story is described as a love story. Was I reading the same book? Plus, everyone is horrible to one another!

That said, I’ll probably end up going to new film by Emerald Fennell, if just to compare Jacob Elordi’s hair to that of Tom Hardy’s from the 2009 adaptation.

Another reason for my interest however, is the soundtrack for the film that was created by Charli xcx. It does appear that at least with the video for ‘Chains of Love’ she has entered her goth phase — although she has always had a touch of this in her styling, in my view.

Although when I recently rewatched the trailer, another artist came to mind who could have produced a cracking soundtrack for the same film: Alison Goldfrapp. Like Charli xcx, Goldfrapp would have created something surreal and mythical, but with a completely different vibe. And a touch of disco.

Usually every two weeks, I send out a newsletter. These consist of personal essays, round-ups (like this one), and some photography.

I write this in my free time, but if you’d like to support my work, you can like the posts, share it with people you like (or dislike — they may have different tastes to you), or even subscribe.

Thanks again,

Sarah

When you live in a place like Hong Kong, where the majority of the population live in apartment buildings, you learn to appreciate heights.

I like looking down on things; not because I feel as though I am kind of feudal lord monitoring the peasants, but more because you can understand more about the remarkable topography of a place. And also, it’s reminds me how small we really are.

There is, of course, something mildly voyeuristic about aerial shots (or God’s eyes), and so, whenever I am drawn to a scene and have a camera to hand, I am mindful of not intruding on someone’s privacy — images of windows are fine, but not looking through them. There’s a BIG difference.

Anyway, here are some snaps that I took with my recently fixed, but ancient camera that boasts an incredible x65 optical zoom.

Share

Leave a comment

Hello!

Remember when Donald Trump won the inaugural FIFA prize for world peace last year? And remember how weird that was? (Can’t wait to see who will win in 2026.) Well, the Best Awards are nothing like that in terms of controversy and oddness, although a bit like FIFA, I did make these awards up because I wanted to share some stuff that I enjoyed from 2025.

I’d love to know what you read/watched/were listening to/just generally enjoyed last year. Please let me know in the comments!

Leave a comment

The Best Awards 2025

🎧 📻 Podcast/Radio

• Talk ‘90s to me

I came of age, teenage-years wise in 1996, and so, I am a sucker for 90s nostalgia. Therefore, when I came across this podcast, I was curious as to whether it would scratch that itch. It mostly does, but I did particularly like the episode on Christmas Number Ones.

Although I completely forgot about Mr Blobby making it to number one in 1993, with perhaps the weirdest music video ever.

🎶🎤 Music

2025 was a year that I seemed to be drawn to strong, female voices, at least according to my Apple Music account. I’ve previously shared my love for CMAT, but I also listened to a lot of Maggie Rogers; Olivia Dean; Florence and the Machine; Róisín Murphy; Lily Allen (before and following her latest release of West End Girl); and RAYE.

However, I also found myself listening to my staple of dance and electronic music, including, Zero 7; Groove Armada; and Thievery Corporation. Classics. More live music in 2026 please.

Share

👖👕 Clothing

• Daydrift High-Rise Wide-Leg Trouser from Lululemon

A random category, but heck, these are my awards and so I will include what I like.

When I returned to an office/school setting last August after almost two-years of working from home, I desperately needed new clothes. Besides not wanting to spend a fortune, I was also mindful that Hong Kong is a sweaty, humid place for over half of the year.

I cannot tell you how long I spent wandering around the shops trying to find a decent pair of trousers that could be good for the classroom, but also something that would work more causally. However, the Daydrift High-Rise Wide-Leg Trouser is amazing. Light, stretchy, and they hang just right - I can’t explain it better than that. Plus, they have lots of pockets.

📚 Books

And finally, here are some of my favourite books or ones that I returned to last year.

I have a few more days before returning to work on Monday, and I am going to try and make the most of it, despite the jet-lag. At least I have lots of leftover Christmas treats to gorge myself on between then.

For the past couple of years, I have started the new year with a more/less list, which is a twist on new year resolutions. If you have anything for your own list, let me know in the comments!

See you next time,

Sarah

Leave a comment

2025 felt like a good year for trying new things, like taking a crack at linocut printing. And even paying for a series of introductory group classes working alongside a full-time artist.

But 2025 was also the year for becoming more comfortable with saying no. Shortly after completing the linocut course, the organiser/artist contacted me about whether I was interested in another, more expensive course. I wasn’t, and so I replied saying thanks but no thanks. That was it. Contrast this with the me of a few years ago, where I probably would have sank into a pit of self-loathing, or at the very least felt exceptionally guilty for the rest of the day about not pursing the additional course, which is a bit mad really.

It seems a small thing; saying no—I mean, declining an offer to do some linocut printing, isn’t like saying no to an urgent request from your boss—but for my sanity (or ‘personal growth’ ick) it has felt like a giant leap forward.

So, here are some other small changes that I started in 2025, and plan on continuing into this year.

Less explaining myself

Linked to above. As well as saying no, why do I have to add an explanation for my decision-making to other people? I don’t, well, not all the time, so less of that.

Asking for help at the doctor

About a year ago, I went to the doctor complaining about a constant, low-level fatigue and restless legs. But I assumed that this was related to my sleep specifically, and so I just thought that I needed to sleep more. Finally, and after much back-and-forth in my head about whether I really needed to seek help, I went to the doctor and had a blood test. It turned out that my ferritin levels were abnormally low. The doctor was a little shocked that I hadn’t sought help before.

Anyway, since then, I’ve been taking iron supplements and they have made a HUGE difference to my sleep. Plus, the restless legs are now mostly a thing of the past.

Thanks doc!

More squats

My least favourite movement at the gym, but I know that they are soooo good for my hip flexors, particularly after long periods of being sat down.

Less organising of other people

It can feel pretty disheartening when you set something up with a friend, only for them to bail shortly before you see them, or for people just not to get back to you. Things come up and plans change, but 2025 was the year where I made a conscious decision to stop organising other people beyond a certain point. If a friend cannot make it, then the ball is in their court. Taking this approach has been an eye-opener about several of my friendships.

More photography

Not much needs to be said here. Just go out and take more photos. Plus, one of the things on my Christmas wish list was a photography course in Hong Kong, and Santa delivered! I’m hoping to get this arranged soon.

And here’s a photo from my first white Christmas!

Share

Thank you for reading the first post of 2026. Your support means a great deal to me, and I’ll leave you with the more/less lists that I made at the beginning of 2024 and 2025 respectively.

Hi!

I said that the last post would be the final one for 2025. Well, here I am! Again. Sorry if you were hoping to hear nothing more from me for this calendar year. What can I say? I can’t help myself.

Actually, I was inspired to share this post because one of my photos was recently included in a newsletter by Aminus3 Photography as part of the theme: scenic.

Some of my more popular posts on this platform are those that contain my photography. Chasing likes is not the key to happiness, and nor will it provide you with a true grasp of reality, but there is something satisfying about seeing my amateur photography being recognised by those who know what they are doing. Anyway, if you catch yourself at a quiet moment over the next few weeks, perhaps you might like to see some of my photography posts from 2025.

Right, seriously, that’s it. I will continue to clog up your inboxes in 2026. You lucky people.

Merry Christmas! 🎄

Leave a comment

Thank you so much for supporting my work here at TBOI. If you liked this post, please consider liking it, commenting, or perhaps even sharing it. It all helps, especially for smaller publications. Happy holidays!

Me again. This makes it two posts in two weeks. Don’t worry, this won’t become the new normal because moving to a lighter posting schedule was one of the best decisions I’ve made this year, from a creative standpoint.

This bonus post is just to say a huge thank you for spending some of your time reading The Best of Intentions! I really mean this, especially when I see more and more big names joining this platform (Charli XCX, Kamala Harris, the New Yorker, and the British PM Keir Starmer have all popped up as ‘Suggestions’ in recent weeks). Part of me wonders what it all means for those of us with no existing audience/readership. But then I realise that there’s no point in spending too much time thinking about it. Not only is it a waste of time, but it detracts you from what you are doing. And there are already enough distractions out there in the world.

Another reason for this post is to let you know that I’ll be taking a break over the Christmas period from this newsletter. I am travelling to the US to see my husband’s family, which means that I’ve planning on taking a few packs of mince pies to add a British touch. (I might be the only one eating them.)

Finally, my last post of 2024 was a round-up of some my favourite reads, music, and podcasts. I had intended to do this type of post again, but with work being rather busy over the past few weeks, I’ve decided to postpone this until January. However, below is a link to last year’s awards:

And if you celebrate the holiday: Merry Christmas!

Sarah

Leave a comment

Thank you for reading. If you value the work that goes into these posts and would like to support my writing, please consider sharing the posts or adding a comment. TBOI is free to read.

The humidity drops along with the temperatures and the skies are the brightest blue imaginable. It’s not necessarily like this for the entire month, but whenever there’s a ‘blue bird day’, a phrase I picked up from my husband, I just want to be outside.

The beautiful weather certainly didn’t help my focus at work, especially when a few weeks ago colleagues described that the month typically is the busiest of the entire year. Besides the actual teaching part the month included: report writing for all year groups; assessments; lesson observations; and various admin tasks that always take far longer than they should, mainly because you’re dog tired from it all.

Besides those things, it felt very much like a normal November, but then last Wednesday happened. And the month now takes on a whole different meaning.

Some of you may have seen the awful scenes from a huge fire that broke out across seven buildings. The residential block was situated in Tai Po, an area in the New Territories. And as I write this, 146 people are known to have died with many still unaccounted for, and a fireman lost his life. The city marked three days of mourning that began on Saturday. But of course, the mourning has just begun for those affected.

So, I went back and forth about what to post, or indeed, if I should post anything at all.

In the end, I decided that I would, and here are some images of Hong Kong from over the years—this beautiful, resilient, and fucking strong city and its inhabitants. Comments have been turned off.

See you next time,

Sarah

Thanks for reading. If you are interested in finding out more about how to support those affected by the fire, click here.

I will never be able to do Japan justice through my photos, so these are a bit meh. But here are some snaps from a holiday that I took with my husband in October. We spent a week travelling between: Osaka, Kyoto, and Hiroshima. It was very warm during the trip, so no pictures of the leaves changing, unfortunately.

Share

Leave a comment

Since the last post, the humidity has broken in Hong Kong. Hurrah! This means that when you are out and about, you longer feels as though you are trudging through a hot and sticky soup. (For the uninitiated, the humidity of Hong Kong usually reaches a peak during August and then begins to slowly decline. Not this year!).

The break in humidity coincided with a school camp where I was partly responsible for fifty 11-year-olds for a week. Yes, camping. I love being outdoors, but I’ve never been a happy camper. Perhaps I would be happier if I done that sort of stuff when I was a kid, but as a family we didn’t do this. So, I blame my mum for my love of a nice shower and comfortable bed.

On the school camp front, I can report that the kids were great. There were a few minor tellings-off, although this was because the kids kept chanting 6-7 at every opportunity. By the time this goes out, there will most likely be another (annoying) social media trend gripping the attention of teens.

One of the perks of joining trips such as these is that you do get to see the students in a new light. One highlight was seeing their confidence grow in real time as we were gorge walking in Sai Kung (an area in the north of the territory described by a colleague as the ‘backyard of Hong Kong’). A highlight of a different kind was gently asking one student to sing something other than Kelis’s 2003 song Milkshake on the coach 🫣

Reading/Watching/Listening to

• Is Glen Powell one of the last old-fashioned movie stars? I enjoyed this interview from Marina Hyde about the American actor. The Guardian.

• “Andrew, now 65, has spent his entire life trading on his aristocratic titles, and there is one way to stop that from happening again: Britain’s Parliament should formally remove them”. Helen Lewis on what feels like the never-ending awfulness from Prince Andrew. The Atlantic. £

  • Lewis’s post was written before the announcement that Andrew will now be de-princed. (BBC News).

• One of my favourite podcasts You’re Dead to Me on Jane Austen.

• “My advice? Leave your room!” An article about about university life (in the UK). I was drawn to reading this because I fucking hated most of my first term at university. These were the early 2000s and so the discussions about TikTok and Instagram go over my head somewhat (I’d add '‘Put your phone down!”). Overwhelmed and lonely, I called my parents a month or so in, begging for them to pick me up. They refused. Ouch. But that refusal was one of the best things to happen to me. A short time later, I started chatting to someone in the Student Union, and we become mates. Handy coincidence, I know, but I needed some tough love. BBC News.

• “I sometimes hear that the perfect world—in academia, law, and business—is a combination of the male and female styles, keeping the best of both. I used to believe this too, but now I think it’s wrong. We’ll do best when we think in ways that don’t fall into these common and socially reinforced ways of being. We’ll do our best not as women and not as men, but as scouts.” Paul Bloom on whether women are unsuited for the pursuit of truth. Substack.

• I have no idea how I came across the singer Laura Vane, but I did. If you like a bit of a jazz and funk in your ears, you might like this:

Leave a comment