When Fariha and I were in conversation at The Salt Eaters Bookshop in LA during my book tour for A Recipe for More in 2023, we talked about rage, irritability, friendship, and the ways we were (and weren’t) showing up in the world. It was a beautiful offering to a sold-out room, and I left feeling the way I usually do after spending time with Fariha: that there is a deep knowing between us. A resonance I couldn’t quite name.

A few months ago, she reached out to share that she had received an autism diagnosis.

I want to say something honest here, because I think it matters: now that ADHD and autism have become part of the mainstream cultural conversation, there’s a tendency for people to scroll through memes and arrive at a self-diagnosis. Many DSM-5 disorders go through this period of trendiness— terms get diluted, symptoms get borrowed, and what is, for many people, a daily and often debilitating way of experiencing the world becomes a personality trait for others to try on. As someone who has spent her entire life feeling like the majority of the world is fluent in a shared language I was never taught, that over-identification feels, at minimum, diminishing.
If you have some days feeling very sad, does that mean you have depression?

But when Fariha shared her diagnosis with me, I exhaled. Yes. Immediately, yes. It explained so much of what we share, so much of the unspoken language between us, the texture of our knowing.

There is a particular dissonance that lives in the body of someone who has always felt like an outsider, but who moves through the world perceived as someone for whom everything comes easily. Finding the language for your own truth— even late, even imperfectly— is a gift that reshapes everything. It recolors your past and clarifies your present.

On April 11th, in honor of Autism Acceptance Month, Fariha and I are hosting a virtual conversation and workshop: When Language Finds Us.

We’ll be having the conversations we needed before we received our own diagnoses. We’ll share our lived tools and resources for thriving as neurodivergent people in a world that wasn’t designed with us in mind, and we’ll make space for somatic breathing practice to move through the body what the mind has been holding.

As Fariha wrote in her own announcement of our workshop:

“It’s healing to arrive at an explanation; it feels appropriate to want to excavate deeper into more profound reckonings of why you are the way that you are. This is a workshop that will circle the idea of self-love and true self-care, which means holding the multiplicity of the many selves that co-exist within us.”

Everyone is welcome.
The workshop takes place on Zoom, April 11th from 11:30am–1pm EST, with a recording available for registered guests who can’t make it live.
Sliding scale pricing ($22–$66) is available.

Register here →
(and buy our books for a deeper dive)

I hope you’ll join us.

(always) onward,
Sara Elise

Jillyn at did exactly that— and it gave me the space to share openly about money in a way that I don’t always get to…my relationship to it, how I manage it, what I believe it’s actually for.

Because i’m not interested in hoarding information any more than I’m interested in hoarding money. Both are meant to move. Both do more good when they circulate freely.

So here it is. Read it, share it, talk about it with the people in your life. The more openly we discuss money— without shame, without performance— the more we all benefit.

Thanks Jillyn, for creating a great platform for us to do just that.

Capital Pleasure

Sara Elise Has Always Been In The Business of Pleasure.

Sara Elise has built a life guided by pleasure…

Read more

3 months ago · 5 likes · Jillyn

(always) onward,
(always) in love,
Sara Elise

The other day someone asked me why I’ve been less present on social media, and the truth is— I’m just not that interested in it anymore (or at least I’m not interested in what my algorithm or the people I follow are sharing with me). Scrolling through the endless “look at me” performance updates of people’s lives has just been feeling tedious and dare I say… boring? I think it’s important to stay up to date with what’s happening in the world, I will always be woo’d by a good grid aesthetic, and I am most certainly (and forever) a meme girlie— but the scrolling always yields the same repetitive performances of folks recycling similarly tiresome thoughts and opinions. Ocassionally I’m still interested in seeing what folks have been up to, but it’s all just feeling much less intriguing than it has to me historically.

I’ve been much more interested, however, in watching how my time expands on days that I don’t share anything with strangers on the internet— when I’m with my lover and we take tons of gorgeous pictures of the table settings, the flowers we arranged from the market, the food we’re about to eat that we spent time cooking together, and each other— and then we don’t share any of them at all.

I’ve been enjoying the tiny secrets of abundant, miraculous living whose documentation only exists at the end of the day for me alone to reflect on.

I've also been feeling less of that inner pull for others' approval, for others to witness or understand me. I’ve even started detaching from the expectations I have around how friends should read or engage with my work. You either understand me or you don’t. You see what I have to offer or you don’t. You want to engage with my offerings or you don’t. Both outcomes have no real weight in my life. I feel no need to prove anything anymore. Or to showcase anything for anyone’s understanding.

During a book event this past year, I remarked in my conversation with the audience (only just then realizing it) that I’ve already accomplished all of my childhood goals and done everything I had envisioned for my future self. From this point moving forward, I’m thinking of new goals and new fun projects to do after already feeling incredibly accomplished, on my own, since working from the age of 16, with little to no familial support (and actually until most recently— family estrangement for being Queer) for the majority of my life. That’s pretty amazing and I’m working on congratulating myself daily.

And after being on the receiving end of pathetic trolling and inaccurate accusations, the internet is revealing itself more and more as a medium most comfortable for cowards— for folks who never create anything themselves but choose to instead spend their time sitting on the sidelines of my life, unpromptedly sharing their opinions with me about how I should live it. Very odd (and embarrassing) behavior.

In my teens and twenties, so much of how I performed for the public gaze was pulsing with desire— an underlying current to feel seen, to feel understood and accepted. But since receiving my diagnosis, learning more about human nature (and that even the folks I once looked up to are complex beings who are generally flailing), and grounding more in myself (realizing that it’s what I have and who I am that makes things valuable), I seem to have stepped into a phase that’s a bit more (healthily) detached.

This phase, which began a few months ago, of simultaneously caring less about how others are living or how my own life is being perceived, might be due to being deeply immersed in working on several creative and fulfilling projects. Or it could also just be a result of aging. Either way, I hope it never ends.

And — hi. Thanks to all of you who have stuck around even though I don’t write much on this platform anymore. As a thank you, I wanted to share some updates (recent signs of life) and resources for learning + pleasure (AKA things I’ve been inspired by recently). Appreciate yall.

Things I’m Proud Of + Other Updates

• I’ve been pouring my time into building out Again Vintage, a vintage shop + gathering space in Brooklyn, NY that bridges the connection between community, design, gut-healing food + beverage, slowness + ritual, and celebrating home as sanctuary. We just launched Pantry by SUBLIME (our in-house cafe concept space) because a thoughtful home first starts in your kitchen, and a thoughtful kitchen starts with your pantry.

  Pantry by SUBLIME is a thoughtfully curated collection of nutrient-dense essentials that will raise the standard of your kitchen (and the health of your microbiome). The full pantry, like the housemade mylks used at SUBLIME, is gluten-free, industrialized seed-oil free, dye + additive-free, and processed sugar-free. Pantry by SUBLIME is stocked with daily things you need for nourishing yourself — like bison bone broth from OWL and cultured ghee from Divya’s — and also for elevating the every day or hosting your loved ones — like Spring & Mullberry’s date-sweetened chocolate and Branche’s finishing olive oil. Everything has been sourced prioritizing organic, local, smaller, family-, women/GNC-, BIPOC-, LGBTQ-owned farms + brands just as obsessed with what they put in their bellies as we are.

  Follow our Instagram (@againvintage.NY) to learn about upcoming workshops we’re hosting as part of our Skill-Sharing for Sustainable Futures: Analog Solutions for Our Digital World series.
  (THIRD SPACE IN NY)

• In my last note, I shared several podcasts that I had the honor of speaking on this past year. You can check them out (and the post) here.
  (PODCASTS)

• It’s been over a year since my book, A Recipe for More, was birthed into the world! It’s a Black, neurodivergent manifesto on pleasure, abundance, ease, and rest. If you feel like you need more of any of that in your life and are trying to figure out how to get there, the paperback is coming out soon and it’s a sexy neon green. The paperback also features some really thoughtful endorsements by a few of my favorite writers (Janelle Monáe, Fatimah Asghar, Fariha Róisín who also has a piece within the book as well, and Rachel Cargle). You can pre-order it here. And if you read it, feel free to continue to share pictures or your favorite passage with me.
  (PRE-ORDER MY PAPERBACK!)

Things I’m Learning and Inspired By

• As an autistic person, I have a really difficult time with executive function. I can feel hungry for hours, but if something doesn’t click in my brain telling me that I can solve that hunger by making or ordering food, I won’t realize until I am already low capacity and it’s difficult for me to prepare something at that point. My partners help with reminding me to take breaks to eat or ordering me food, but feeding myself has always been a difficult task, especially since living alone the past 5 years. I recently tried Shef and love it so far! I’ve only gotten it for a few weeks, but the prices are very reasonable and the food I’ve had so far is delicious. You can customize your search based on allergies and also write notes of appreciation to your chefs after your meals. You can use my referral code to check it out for yourself.

  (PERSONAL CHEF SERVICE)

• Journalist Kate McMahon takes us to Palestine’s first ecovillage, where villagers are resisting Israeli rule by growing their own food, harvesting their own solar power, and collecting their own rainwater.
  (ARTICLE)

• My new favorite restaurant in Brooklyn is Masalawala & Sons. Sister restaurant to one of my Manhattan favorites (NAKS— NOT to be missed), Masalawala & Sons shares incredibly thoughtful Indian food. If you don’t know what to order, they have a bangin’ sampler platter Mon - Thur. Make a reservation in advance and definitely order the soy Rose Milk and thank me later.

  (BROOKLYN RESTAURANT)

• For those who love gossip, Our Ancestors Were Messy was recently recommended to me via Martina Abrahams Ilunga’s substack. I haven’t listened yet, but I love thinking about our ancestors as people who were just like us— real, complex, and probably (very) messy people. In it the host Nichole Hill and her guests bring to life the gossip columns of Black Reconstruction-era newspapers. Like Martina (who worked on the project) said— at the end of the day, we’re all just ancestors in training.

  (PODCAST)

• Choy Commons has a new Asian vegetable club CSA in NY, a weekly subscription of delicious Asian vegetables and herbs running from May to November. When you become a member of the Vegetable Club, you’ll play a vital role in building a community-owned food system that centers farmer livelihood, the restoration of life in interdependent ecosystems, and reciprocity between farmers, land, and community. You can sign up here.

  (NEW CSA)

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise by tagging (@)SaraElise333 on Instagram.

(always) onward,
(always) in love,
Sara Elise

It’s been months of cycling ups and downs while building out my new project, a shop and cafe-concept space that opened in August in Bed Stuy, Again Vintage. My partner Ryann and I sent out this email/love letter today to our shop’s community, and I wanted to extend the words and offer to my Substack community as well.

And as Katherine May said in her latest post out this morning: “some things happen on timescales we don’t understand. That is not necessarily a comfort, but it is a truth."

Sending you all so much love.

To Our Beloved Community:

For those who are feeling many things today (including betrayal, grief, rage, numbness), we see you and are here for you. The world has revealed itself for what we've known it to be.

For those who have been working tirelessly for all of us so that our future can look different than it does right now, we thank you and honor you.

We are here to remind you today (and always) that it is okay to rest, to take time for yourself to process and feel. This is a long journey that is defined not by today's outcome, but by our everyday actions— our commitment to build community, to root in our power, to show up even when it feels hopeless, to build movements, to find each other, to dream.

On that note, we'd love to offer up our shop space for the next several months as a community meeting place— a complementary rental for events, gatherings, sound baths, workshops, cuddle puddles, readings, and more. Taking time to prioritize our rest, our celebration, our connection (and deep entanglement) ...this will always be part of our fight.

Let us know your thoughts (or email AgainVintage.NY@gmail.com), and we'll work it out. We want Again Vintage to be a safe house in this storm. Know that the candles in our windows are burning steadily, welcoming you with open arms.

Sara Elise + Ryann

Exciting things are underway in my life this Summer, and I’ve had less and less time for casual Substack musings and community-building on this (and this) platform (bittersweet). Whenever things that I’ve been manifesting eventually pop off in my life, I am reminded again that we are all limited beings with limited time. And I begin to do some shuffling out to make room for what’s shimmying in.

I am grateful to the several hundreds of you who have followed along over this year of experimentation, as this outlet has provided a connective and creative home in the format of a whole 12 months(!) of bi-monthly writing, journaling prompts, playlists, inspiration-sharing, NYC restaurant recommendations, and answering questions you’ve sent in. Thank you for reading, for your comments and DMs. Thank you for being here.

In With The New
These days however, I am pouring my creative energy and so much of my time into a new project that I am thrilled to announce here to you all first: I am opening a shop in my neighborhood of Brooklyn.

The shop is a culmination of my work and studies over the past decade-and-a-half in hospitality + hosting, community facilitation, design, and food (primarily herbalism + microbiome health), and will be a meeting point for communal connections, as well as a place for nourishment and grounding. Again Vintage will share curated vintage (from our travels back and forth to our home in The Catskills) and sustainable objects for home and gift. Within the shop, there will also be a coffee + plant potions cafe component called Sublime. There we will offer delicious, perfectly brewed coffee as well as adaptogenic and herbal beverages to enhance your mood, your rest, your energy, and +++. After hours, the space will be available as a rental for community events, and we’ll host quarterly pop-ups with vintage clothing vendors and local chefs. We’re currently in the build-out phase (my partner Cristine is leading the charge on all things construction and renovation), and my partner Ryann and I are so excited to share Again Vintage with you as soon as later this Summer.

In the meantime, you’ll hear from me here less frequently but still occasionally, and especially when I have exciting announcements to share (like news about the August opening), more resources that I think you might find helpful, or when inspiration strikes (and it always does). And if you’d still like to support the work I’m doing, please continue to subscribe. The income I generate on this platform goes directly towards my herbs and acupuncture, two necessities for my survival in this wild world.

You can revisit some of my favorite posts from this year’s archive here (A Love Letter to My Period) and here (Neurotypical Syndrome), and some of my favorite Questions for Consideration journaling prompts here and here. And on my Instagram page, you’ll find #9WeeksofMore, an offering of text and journaling prompts corresponding to each chapter of my book, A Recipe for More. I’m currently shadowbanned on the platform for being vocal about my support for Palestine, so more engagement on those posts is always helpful in making my work more visible. Thank you.

Things I’m Proud Of + Other Updates

Last year, I imagined creating and hosting an event in Brooklyn surrounded by lush greenery where my community was resting and playing and dancing in the Sun. And this past weekend, I produced this event with The American LGBTQ+ Museum at Weeksville Heritage Center called Picturing an Abundant Queer Future. It was beautiful! All 70 photo slots were reserved ahead of time, and we created gorgeous shots of queer family and intimacy, creating a future historical archive of what it looks like to be a Queer New Yorker at this moment. We also hosted a panel with the iconic Lola Flash and Kiyanna Handy from BLK MKT Vintage, talking about the importance of Queer archiving and telling our own stories. I’ll likely share an announcement here when the online archive is up and ready for viewing. So stay tuned.
If you missed this one, remember that you can always see my upcoming events here.
(EVENT RECAP)

I was recently featured on the Found Family podcast with Mary B. Safrit. We talked about creating tools to support us in our most human moments; abundance (but not the capitalistic kind); building supportive rituals as a late-diagnosed autistic person; hospitality that treats everyone as desired and essential, and more. Here it is—
(PODCAST FEATURE)

I was also recently featured by Dinky (Dual-Income No Kids) Pod, a podcast for folks who are intentionally child-free. I talked about my life as a “pleasure doula” (and why my friend coined that name for me), my experience being neurodivergent and childfree, my decision and communication around my desire to not have kids with my partners, and more. Here it is—
(PODCAST FEATURE)

I met several months ago with This is How We Care, and that episode was also recently released. In the episode, I share more about my journey from working in investment banking to questioning societal definitions of success to create a life that aligns with my values. We also talk about how we can all begin to take action toward dismantling oppressive systems and embracing a slower, more intentional pace of life that honors our natural rhythms and cycles. Here it is—
(PODCAST FEATURE)

I also recently recorded a meditation offering with This is How We Care, a grounding practice on releasing fear and finding balance. Here it is—
(FREE MEDITATION OFFERING)

Apogeo Guest House, the boutique hotel concept space that I co-founded that centers the hospitality experience of QTPOC, just announced our next Active Season! And we were also recently featured in ESSENCE and Travel Noire. WOW!
So far we’ve had over 250 travelers join us in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua. And from 12/15/24 - 1/5/25, we will be hosting folks again at our space for a restful, sunny retreat. Rooms start at $85 per night and it is absolutely gorgeous there…think Pacific Ocean views, snacks and cocktails by the pool, beach picnics, filling your time with adventure activities or rest (or both!), and more— check out our Instagram for pics. You can book a stay from 3-15 days, and there are also residency Work Fellowship opportunities available for further reduced lodging costs. As a thank you, subscribers of “field notes / love notes” get 10% off of their lodging costs. Just email us to redeem at Hello@ApogeoCollective.com.
(APOGEO GUEST HOUSE FEATURE)

MindBodyGreen featured my Brooklyn homespace as part of their Holistic Home Tours Series. In the interview, I share some of my design ethos and what I prioritized for this space specifically in desiring to create a low-stimulation environment in the midst of the city.
(ARTICLE FEATURE)

It’s been a year since my book, A Recipe for More, was birthed into the world! You can order it here as a hardcover or audiobook. And if you read it, feel free to continue to share pictures or your favorite passage with me— the sharing reminds me that I’m not alone.
(ORDER MY BOOK!)



As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise and tagging (@)SaraElise333 on Instagram. Sharing (with proper crediting) really helps, so I appreciate it.

onward in love,
Sara Elise

Our favorite queer astrologer Chani Nicholas said that as a Gemini, I should pay close attention to my relationships this eclipse season. For the air signs, this eclipse season is bringing downloads and resurfacing old wounds that have to do with how we feel in relationship dynamics and how we view ourselves fitting in (or not fitting into) the groups of folks that we align ourselves with.

Geared with this knowledge, in addition to having experience with the chaotic energy that eclipses typically bring, I went into this eclipse season (with the New Moon in Aries, the Chiron Cazimi, AND Mercury in Retrograde) the best I could: prepared to go with the flow, knowing that my plans might get disrupted and need to shift, and being cognizant of any resurfacing feels that might overwhelm me.
I was thrilled at how well I had planned for the energetic shifts. I was very impressed with myself and thought I was doing a great job. I was Cool Sara.

And then tons of pesky feelings crept up so quickly that I didn’t have a chance to catch them. Feelings resurfaced (that I thought I had already worked through!) that were so deeply enmeshed with unhealed past wounds and trigger points that I didn’t even have enough space to identify them at first. Perceptions of undesirability, unreciprocated vulnerability, and feeling unwanted and unloved swirled around my brain.

I once told my partner that something that has helped me heal my childhood wounds (of feeling unloved, undesired, and unwanted) is that I try to go into each interaction with others assuming the opposite: that I am loved, desired, and that the person is there because they value me and want to spend time with me. I work on reminding myself that I don’t necessarily have any information that points to the contrary other than my inner child’s fear and anxiety reminding me of what was real for me back then. So basically, I’m trying to fake it until I make it. I work to move from that place in all of my relationships because often, the stories we tell ourselves aren’t true and when I act from a place of assuming that what people are actually telling me is in fact their truth, that they do love me and want to spend time with me, I have less internal suffering and project less expectation onto my friends and partners. With this great technique (which has been working well, if I do say so myself), I thought I had moved through things and “solved” this delusional thinking for myself— but eclipse season has once again reminded me that healing is not linear.

Instead of frustration though, I was amused. I literally LOL’d today when I realized that despite my meditations and journaling and mental preparation, eclipse season had hoodwinked me once again. And it should. I am always and will always be in awe of and receptive to the stars / Nature humbling me.
And in deep reverence of the realization that I will never “solve” anything. My lessons are always unfolding.

My autistic brain picks up on small changes in patterns of behavior (a blessing and a curse). But how I respond to those energetic shifts (in relationships, in my career and workflow, in my energy levels) is all that I am in control of. Any panic (around sensing small shifts in behavior, or moments where invitations from friends or work [and thus money'] arrives less consistently) comes from a false perception of lack. Our goal is to ride the wave— to observe all periods, even periods of less, with a changed perspective.

Because if we have less work, we have more rest. If we have less time with friends, we have more time with ourselves. How can we begin reframing our delusionary perspective of lack, and begin seeing even those periods as integral to our recipe for more?

As Sebene Selassie said in her most recent newsletter: “To me, this is spiritual maturity: not waiting for the chaos to subside (internally or externally, personally or collectively) to be present, to fully feel whatever arrives in any moment and allow it all – including awe.”

We spend so much of our time anxious and worrying, perceiving a lack that likely doesn’t even exist. When actually, all energy ebbs and flows naturally over the course of our lifecyles. How can we begin to trust in the flow of Nature’s wisdom, remembering that as if I’m working to create the stillness and space within myself, more will always flow towards and within me?

Question Everything

From Chani’s most recent issue on the eclipse season: What healing do we need, and what healing can we offer? What have our mentors taught us, and how are we implementing those lessons?

What are you hoping to create in the recipe of your life? What are some mental frameworks you need to release in order to begin the next steps in your creative process?

When you receive a “no,” do you take it personally and see it as a setback? Why?

When you feel like something is shifting or changing, do you panic or have anxiety around that? Or are you able to be present in the shift and not see it as negative?

Have any old wounds resurfaced for you this eclipse season?

“Can You Recommend a Place for…
…delicious Burmese food?”

Read more

In my project field notes / love notes, I share monthly Notes for paid subscribers with everything from short essays to lists, to interviews, to prose, to features from friends & lovers— thinkers in the field that have inspired new ways of thinking within myself. The main section of field notes / love notes will always be in flow with what’s tugging at my heart, what I’m currently resonating with, and what I want to be in conversation with you about. The monthly offering for paid subscribers also has a section called “Question Everything,” an homage to the “Question Everything” chapter in my book. Here, I pose questions for your consideration as it relates to the thoughts I’ve shared that month: mini check-in exercises that encourage moments of self-reflection so you can take constant inventory of the content of your life.

And as an offering to both my paid and my unpaid subscribers, I also share monthly “Prompts for Exploration” — the questions (sometimes slightly edited / expanded upon) from the “Question Everything” section in the most recent paid subscription offering.

I’m hoping that you’ll receive these “Prompts for Exploration” with an open mind and heart. Our questioning journey is most impactful when we’re open to changes within and around us.

The following “Prompts for Exploration” are in relation to my most recent field notes / love notes post:

In this most recent post, I shared more about my ever-evolving relationship with my menstrual cycle and shared a gluten-free takeout BK lunchtime rec as well as many different recommendations for new retreats, books, articles, and podcasts that I’m currently inspired by.

The option to subscribe is always here if you’d like to read more and engage in deeper reflection with your questioning journey.

Prompts for Exploration (from my most recent field notes / love notes post A Love Letter to My Period):
Take several minutes to thoroughly think about each question. I also find it helpful to journal, sketch, or paint my answers to questions that I have difficulty thinking through and/or keep coming back to.

• If you are a menstruating person:

  • Describe the relationship that you have with your menstrual cycle.

  • What are your earliest memories around getting a period? Were you ever told that it was bad / shameful / unclean / something to hide?

  • Has getting your period ever been something that’s been celebrated? Do you celebrate it?

  • Are any of your current feelings around your menstrual cycle leftover from past feelings / narratives that you’ve had since a young person?

  • Draw or paint an image that represents a renewed relationship that you could have with your menstrual cycle moving forward.

  • Do you currently track your monthly cycle (via app, calendar, etc.)? If you do decide to track it, how can that provide more insight into the pattern of your emotions, energy levels, and desire for intimacy? How can that provide more understanding of your Self? If you were able to create a schedule based on these data points, how might your life change? Would it feel easier?

  • Have you considered that there are natural ways to regulate your menstrual cycle symptoms to alleviate symptoms both before and during your bleed? If you had more knowledge about your cycle patterns, would that improve your relationship to it?

  • Do you pay attention to the ingredients in your tampons and pads?

  • Do you ever allow yourself to free bleed (into period underwear or a pad)? Why or why not?

• If you are not a menstruating person:

  • Notice how you feel when other people bring up their cycles, tend to them, need to rest because of them, etc.

  • Do any feelings surface for you when menstruation is mentioned around you (appreciation, admiration, shame, second-hand embarrassment, annoyance, irritability, pity, etc.)?

  • Growing up, were you ever told that menstruation was shameful / unclean / an inconvenience / messy? Do any of your perceptions about menstruating cycles and/or people who menstruate have to do with past narratives / stories you’ve been told?

  • How do you think that the media contributes to your views about menstruating people?

  • Read A Love Letter to My Period. Then draw or paint an image of what your new perception of menstruation can look like.

  • What are some ways you can be of service to menstruating people to help them in taking care of themselves and setting better boundaries (around energetic capacity, resting, and self-care) when they are menstruating?

How can we all reject the social standard for non-stop work and busyness (especially when menstruating), and instead choose to protect and prioritize restful time to get reacquainted with our body + spirit?

Instead of seeing our periods as an inconvenience, how can we become comrades with our cycles, as representative of a deepening in our relationship, acceptance, and appreciation of our whole selves?

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise / tagging (@)SaraElise333. Sharing with proper crediting really helps, so I appreciate it.

Thank you for reflecting with me. 

onward in love,
Sara Elise 

Despite the commodification of Valentine’s Day to promote processed sugar sales and capitalistic maximalism, I still stand behind it as my favorite holiday.
Yes, I said it (and said it unashamedly!).

When the streets are filled with snow and February 14th rolls around, I pay closer attention to my love-filled relationships (including, and arguably most importantly, the one with myself).

I think about love, create ceremonies to celebrate love, and more critically assess the privileges I’m afforded to be able to experience and express love in all the ways that I do (especially as so many people in Gaza, The Sudan, and all over the world are fighting just to eat, just to breathe, just to live).

Like all of the commodified & silly american holidays, I reject the traditions most folks engage in and instead create my own rituals, using the day as a marker of time to celebrate and reflect, to appreciate and honor the primary relationships in my life that fill me with so much joy.

Over the past several years, a huge part of learning + loving the fullness of my Self has been due to developing a changed relationship with my period. Menstrual-bleeding people are constantly subtlety (and often even explicitly) encouraged to hate our periods from a young age. We’re told that any function our bodies have (other than for cis-straight-men-sexually-pleasing or child-bearing reasons), is an inconvenience, a burden, too smelly, too messy, and filled with shame. Even going to the bathroom to change a tampon in public, for example, can be ridden with anxiety and uncertainty. I remember practicing the stealthiest way to obscure a tampon in my long sleeve shirt when making my way to the bathroom, so as not to draw attention from my highschool classmates because it would be “rude” and “impolite” for others to know that I’m currently menstruating.

All of this shame-based hoopla is, of course, deeply rooted in colonization and our patriarchal society’s hatred of women, more critically leading to a lack of obstetrics and gynecology-supportive funding and/or research behind healthcare and therapies for women and gender-expansive folks (and especially people of color). (One very simple and quick example of this: Research Gate just published a stat sharing that there are 5x more scientific studies on erectile dysfunction, which affects 19% of men, then on PMS, which affects 90% of women).

I often daydream about ancient practices, like what I’ve read on different African and Indigenous cultures such as Māori, where period-having people are encouraged to take ceremonial rest together and bleed alongside each other, directly into the earth. I imagine sharing space with other bleeding people, exchanging food and gifts before squatting over ripe soil under the Moon.

But instead, still today in many cultures, periods are known as “a curse,” menstruating people are thought to cause harm to ourselves and others and are banished to separate living quarters, forced to use different cleansing stations or refrain from ceremonial baths and other rituals, and are believed to be unclean. Meanwhile, in present-day-Western culture, period-having-people are encouraged not to take any breaks at all. We are marketed products that allow us to keep rushing, not even realize we’re bleeding, stop up the mess, and erase the pain as soon as we notice it’s there so that our periods, instead of being a period of restful and regenerative time for us to turn inward, can instead be a sterilized and only mildly-inconvenient blip in our busy work and social schedules.

This is fucked up! I had always felt like my period connected me to a spiritual power: I am more sensitive, heavier (the physical weight translating to a feeling of mental groundedness), and more connective when I am bleeding. My intuition is sharp. My senses amplified.

The more I learned about my ancestral history, the more I observed the inherent power that comes from being a bleeding person, and realized that for so long, I had minimized and dampened it’s effects because of the brainwashed social story that I was clinging to.

It’s important that period-having-people have choices: that we have access to an abundance of *free* products (that aren’t harmful to our bodies) and can decide how much activity, work, and rest we need without being banished to a “period hut” or seen as “unclean” for our natural, monthly bodily function.

But giving everyone in the world access to freedom of choice around their menstruation is just the first step! I urge us each to consider how we relate to our menstruation on a deeper level:

• How can we track and learn our flow to better understand our emotions, energy levels, and desire for intimacy?

• How can we reject the social standard for non-stop work and busyness (especially on our periods) and instead protect and prioritize this time to get reacquainted with our bodies and our spirits?

• Instead of seeing our periods as an inconvenience, how can we become comrades with our cycles, as representative of a deepening in our relationship, acceptance, and appreciation of our whole selves?

Despite having terrible cramps and an all around unpleasant time, I decided to approach the idea of my period with a renewed perspective. Instead of trying to ignore it and minimize its inconvenience, what if I cleared my schedule and allowed time for rest? Instead of working to take my mind off of it, what if I instead made space for inward reflection, listening to any messages it brought my way? Instead of pumping myself with pain medication, what if I took time to prepare by body beforehand, dosing myself with herbs and cacao (~ see below for more information about why cacao is helpful before and during menstruation ~), sitting with nightly castor oil packs, and indulged in heating pads, muscle-relaxing tea, and more rest?

And then when I found out that many tampons have hidden toxic ingredients, I began to question: instead of stopping up my period inside of me with a BPA-applicator and a wad of chemicalcotton, what if I allowed myself to free bleed into pad-sewn organic underwear for most of my cycle instead? Instead of cycling through horrendously suicidal PMDD the few days before bleeding each month, or being surprised when my period would come, how could I track my cycle to better understand how my physical and mental are affected?

It’s been a several year process, but now, I can honestly say I love my period.

I love celebrating my bleed and often announce it excitedly to partners and friends. I chart the build up of estrogen during my luteal phase and feel the effects: I’m more irritable, hungrier, achier, itchier, and have a less satisfying sleep. And I observe all of this without judgement as I anticipate the sweet moment of my period arriving, once again uncovering a different self as all of those symptoms flow away. Sometimes now I can predict it down to the minute. Calmly and confidently announcing to whoever I’m with “I’m about to get my period,” as I walk towards the bathroom, organic tampon or padded underwear proudly and openly in the palm of my hand.

When I sit down on the toilet and release, I feel the delicious blood flowing from my body as I sigh a breath of gratitude, thanking The Moon for the beginning of another cycle, another month of life, and the start of a loving, reflective, and restful time with my Self.

“Can You Recommend a Place for…
…a gluten-free takeout lunch in Brooklyn?”

Read more

And as an offering to both my paid and my unpaid subscribers, I also share monthly “Prompts for Exploration” — the questions (sometimes slightly edited / expanded upon) from the “Question Everything” section in the most recent paid subscription offering.

I’m hoping that you’ll receive these “Prompts for Exploration” with an open mind and heart. Our questioning journey is most impactful when we’re open to changes within and around us.

The following “Prompts for Exploration” are in relation to my most recent field notes / love notes post:

In this most recent post, I shared my annual LESS / MORE ritual with my readers, referenced Michèle Lamy’s “8 Things to Live By” for Cultured Mag and offered readers my version of that prompt, and shared a BK lunchtime rec as well as many different recommendations for new retreats, books, articles, and podcasts that I’m currently inspired by.

The option to subscribe is always here if you’d like to read more and engage in deeper reflection with your questioning journey.

Prompts for Exploration (from my most recent field notes / love notes post What Are You Releasing to Make Space for What You Want)
Take several minutes to thoroughly think about each question. I also find it helpful to journal, sketch, or paint my answers to questions that I have difficulty thinking through and/or keep coming back to.

• In what ways can you prioritize rest, care, and healing for yourself this winter while also setting the foundational framework for your self-growth?

• What mediums are most effective for your manifesting / spellcasting / world bending? (ex: writing, saying mantras out loud, painting, singing)

• When you make resolutions or create new goals, do you typically stick to them for your desired time frame? If not, have you been able to pinpoint why?

• When you set a resolution or goal, do you notice that it creates a new way of being in your life? Or do you only commit to the goal for a small time frame? (for example: if you want to drink less alcohol and set a resolution naming that, do you notice that you begin drinking less alcohol overall or do you only drink less alcohol for ‘dry January?’)

• What happens when you think of your new resolutions as “goals” versus as “new energy” that you’d like to call into your life? Does approaching the change of incorporating “new energy” feel a bit easier / less abrasive?

• What are a 2-3 things that you are dissatisfied with in your life? What happens if you remove even one of those things from your life?

• The truth is that we are all limited beings. What in your life is a limited resource (ex: free-time, money, physical energy, time that you’d like to spend on work/projects, energy to socialize, alone time, emotional capacity)?

• If your life is filled with things that use all of your limited resources, how will you have resources to welcome in other things that you want instead?

• What are some ways you can adjust your schedule / priorities to free up more space for some of the limited resources that you listed? (ex: saying no to socializing time that you don’t feel super excited about so that you can have more space for alone time + more physical energy for activities that you are excited about)

• If the gregorian calendar new year doesn’t feel like the appropriate time for you to renew your perspective, when do you make time for that during the year? Is assessing your satisfaction with your life something you take into account / commit to often? If not, why not?

How can you fill your life with what you want to prioritize if there isn’t any space to do so? What are you changing/de-prioritizing/releasing in order to make space for the new energy you’re welcoming in?

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise / tagging (@)SaraElise333. Sharing with proper crediting really helps, so I appreciate it.

Thank you for reflecting with me. 

onward in love,
Sara Elise 

Last week, I released my annual LESS / MORE list*. I typically do this exercise at the start of each year, but really, you can do it at any moment you’d like deeper reflection into how you’re allocating your energy and making space for even more goodness to unfold.

I often watch people struggle with feeling like they’re not getting what they actually want out of their lives, but still committing to the same daily habits and patterns that only reinforce the options / life that they currently have. Making this list helps me consider what I plan to release (my “less”) in order to create space for welcoming in my desires (my “more”), because when we consciously choose to release habits / mindsets / stories we’ve told ourselves, we create more spaciousness for our incoming abundance.

So what are you releasing in order to make room for more of your life’s juiciness to flow?

Some things that I didn’t post on Instagram but that are still very much part of what I’m focusing on are:

LESS
doubting myself / my value and seeing my contributions as less impactful
phone time as default time
quick reactivity
hiding my foot disabilities (this is a big one for me and I will likely share a whole post about it one day)

MORE
lighting candles + incense (even when I’m alone)
doing the weirdest possible thing
nurturing my inner environment as a hospitable place
learning my siblings
sobriety (and please let me know if you ever want to hear more about this)

Thank you to all of you that already texted, DM’d, or tagged me in your sharing. Reading your lists each year is always deeply inspiring to me. Feel free to shoot me an email with your list or leave a few highlights in the comments if you’d like to share with others in the community :)

Celebrating the new year for me is really just an excuse for a refresh, a fresh start and renewed perspective on my living— because a new gregorian calendar year isn’t actually significant to me for any other reason. In thinking about mindsets for moving forward, I read and was inspired by Michele Lamy’s words for Cultured Mag. If you don’t know Michele Lamy, get to know her. She’s an artist in her 80’s that worked as a cabaret dancer throughout Europe and later as a fashion designer and nightclub owner in Los Angeles in the 1990s, and for the past several decades has operated as the business partner and muse of her husband Rick Owens. She’s a living legend. She was asked about her rules to live by, and I was inspired by the list because nothing felt unapproachable or fastidious. Her advice even bordered on childlike, including things like “never finish being in love” or “always follow your heart and intuition.” But genius is often found in simplicity, and I appreciated her list as a beautiful blueprint for a well-worn life.

As a creative exercise, I decided to create my own version of her 8 Rules to Live By (even though you could argue that I already wrote a book with similar anecdotes). In my mid-thirties, I don’t have the additional 40-50 years of life experience and wisdom that she has, but I do believe that we all have something to offer each other regardless of where we are in our lifecycles. So here is my list of 8 rules (in no particular order) on how to live a life of style, integrity, balance, and ease:

1. Always opt to dress up rather than blending in / dressing the way others are dressing.

2. Always listen to the tug of your intuition. Listening, even if that means more effort to pivot now, will always be the smartest / most beautiful / most ethical / most rewarding choice in the end.

3. Don’t spend time / energy having small talk unless you have a lot of energy to spare / give away.

4. Don’t spend time trying to convince people of your opinion / of your value.

5. Stop centering yourself in other people’s lives.

6. Don’t dwell in any disappointment you feel from other’s actions / lack thereof. If there’s not easy alignment, communicate that and move on.

7. Have integrity with your word: Say what you mean and say it clearly. If something is unclear, clear things up quickly with the goal of moving forward. And only make a commitment if you know you can follow through with that commitment, and always follow through. If for some reason you can’t, communicate that immediately.

8. Inspiration can be found anywhere and with anyone: keep your eyes and your heart open.

Here’s to starting fresh with small, approachable steps and a renewed perspective for the year ahead.

“Can You Recommend a Place for…
…a delicious and nurturing lunch in Brooklyn?”

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In my project field notes / love notes, I share monthly Notes for paid subscribers with everything from short essays to lists, to interviews, to prose, to features from friends & lovers— thinkers in the field that have inspired new ways of thinking within myself. The main section of field notes / love notes will always be in flow with what’s tugging at my heart, what I’m currently resonating with, and what I want to be in conversation with you about. The monthly offering for paid subscribers also has a section called “Question Everything,” an homage to the “Question Everything” chapter in my book. Here, I pose questions for your consideration as it relates to the thoughts I’ve shared that month: mini check-in exercises that encourage moments of self-reflection so you can take constant inventory of the content of your life.

And as an offering to both my paid and my unpaid subscribers, I also share monthly “Prompts for Exploration” — the questions (sometimes slightly edited / expanded upon) from the “Question Everything” section in the most recent paid subscription offering.

But I’ve taken a bit of a break to rest and process… and this month, I’m back with a Prompts for Exploration post based on the current times. These are questions that I’ve been mulling over, considerations that have been tugging at my heart.

I’m hoping that you’ll receive these “Prompts for Exploration” with an open mind and heart. Our questioning journey is most impactful when we’re open to changes within and around us.

Prompts for Exploration
Take several minutes to thoroughly think about each question. I also find it helpful to journal, sketch, or paint my answers to questions that I have difficulty thinking through and/or keep coming back to.

• How are you experiencing receiving information about what is happening in the Middle East right now? The Sudan? The Congo? Do you feel connected to the pain people are suffering or distant/detached from it?

• I saw Barbara Smith speak at the Flox Studio anniversary party several months ago and she asked: “What do we mean by struggle? What do we mean by radical? What do we mean by revolutionary?” Her argument is that once we answer those questions, we can get to the root of the movement and understand how each of us can fit into it, so take some time to answer those questions for yourself.

• There are different ways to participate in social change and different roles based on your capacity, ability, etc. Each role has a different purpose and requires a different skillset. I love this breakdown by Deepa Iyer of the Building Movement Project. Where do you fit in?

• When you hear of others experiencing pain, do you feel it in your own body? If so, where do you feel it most?

• When people who haven’t been given basic rights (to clean water, food, electricity) ask for (or even fight for) their rights to survive, why are so many outraged by that? But not necessarily outraged that they didn’t have these basic rights to begin with?

• No death is good; no being’s death should be celebrated. Yet why does white death warrant a different global reaction than Arab death, Black-American death, African death, Indigenous death? What makes a group of people believe that their suffering is so unique that it justifies the colonization and suffering of other humans? As author and professor @Hala.n.alyan said in an Instagram post, “It is worth asking yourself which brutalization is acceptable to you, even quietly, even subconsiously, and which is not. Name the discrepancy and own it. If you can’t be equitable, be honest.”

• There is a dissonance that happens when we live in a country and pay taxes to that country, knowing that our tax dollars are contributing to/funding a war/genocide that we don’t support. How does this guilt inspire our action? What is or isn’t our responsibility to hold?

• Are you able to integrate painful information without taking on the pain yourself?

• If you have felt yourself immobile and unable to focus on anything else other than the painful experiences happening in the world, allow yourself to rest. But if you are intentionally not enjoying your life because of guilt, ask: how does your life stopping benefit people who are suffering?

• If you have removed yourself from pleasurable experiences, self-care, celebration, etc., ask: how does punishing yourself benefit people who are suffering?

• My acupuncturist helped me discern the difference between an empathetic experience of trauma and feeling traumatized by a trauma that isn’t physically presently happening to me. She said that a healthy experience of pain and trauma looks like being able to separate myself from the pain/not holding the pain in my own body and asked “is this representative of another unhealed time in your life where you felt like power was taken away from you?”
  Are you holding other’s pain and trauma in your own body? If so, why? Is this conflict representative of another unhealed time in your life where you felt like power was being taken away from you?

• As said in her November Quarter Connection: “I’m reminding myself that 1) it’s okay to feel not okay AND it’s also okay to feel okay… the important part is to feel what’s truly happening within me (and not just the projections of everyone/everything around me).”

  So what are you feeling? Is there anything you’re not allowing yourself to feel?

And lastly, what are you doing to take care of yourself right now?

As my close friend Madame Gandhi said in the video I took above at her tour concert in Brooklyn last week: “Can we take more responsibility for our own sense of joy so that we can actually be the best activists we can, the best role models we can be, to walk fully in our purpose?”

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise / tagging (@)SaraElise333. Sharing with proper crediting really helps, so I appreciate it.

Thank you for reflecting with me. 

onward in love,
Sara Elise 

As a queer, autistic femme in my mid-thirties, I’ve been thinking a lot about the D-word.

No, not that.

Perhaps you’ve already met, but if not, I’d love to introduce you to my new friend: Discipline. As someone who grew up in the throngs (and trauma) of a traditional Black Baptist parenting model which meant being “disciplined” for everything from telling a white lie to shaving my legs before my parents gave me permission, I then spent much of my twenties doing whatever I needed to do to “un-discipline” myself, because I felt like I had been restricted and confined for so. damn. long, and at the end of the day— YOLO / we’re all going to die anyway.

But now, within the past several years, I have been developing a much closer relationship to Discipline.

Instead of seeing her as a restriction externally placed on me, I’m seeing her instead as a friendly helper showing up in my life— an invisible best friend who is constantly presenting me with the benevolent gift of an opportunity. An opportunity for me to choose an opening, a deepening. A deepening in my relationship with myself (through an artistic and process-focused relationship to curiosity and learning), and also a deepening in my commitment and reliability to the people I love.

There is a Mean Girl in the picture though, an oppositional force towards my growing friendship to Discipline— and I’ve recently heard it described in a few different ways:

• Phil Stutz and Bary Michels, co-author of The Tools®, describe this force as Part X. Part X is a force whose only purpose is to stop you from reaching your full potential. Learn more about Part X (and the other Tools) here.

• Steven Pressfield describes it as "Resistance,” or “the voice in our head that tells us ‘you are no good’ and ‘you can’t do this’… and also to distract you (‘let’s go to the beach,’ ‘let’s have another drink,’ ‘let’s have an affair,’ etc.). If you decide you want to be in the creative arts, it’s a war. And you have to fight this dragon every morning you wake up.”

• I describe it as my Trickster Self. My Trickster Self is playful and mischievous, she likes getting into distractive things to shake up the energy (usually by self-sabotaging) because she’s borreeeedd and YOLO and “what if we die tomorrow???”

But it’s all the same thing. It’s the little voice in my head that tugs at my restless gemini (sun) heart with distractions and quick dopamine hits. It’s the voice that promises satisfaction (!) now (!)— promises of fleeting pleasure flashing in front of my seeking eyes, in lieu of anything deeper, anything more. Because the world we live in now doesn’t have the depth it used to, because so many of us are opting out, every day. We sit outside on our phones scrolling instead of looking at the changing tree in front of us. We’ve memorized “friends’” Instagram names before we know their actual names, and we don’t know the names of any trees or flowers. But we post pictures of them like they’re our friends on Instagram because everyone likes looking at pictures of flowers, right?

But I know the secret— we really can’t have it all. Our attention, just like our time, is a limited resource. And we are limited beings. So every moment of every day, we make a choice.

And that’s okay. It’s okay that we have plentiful options to say no to in order to make room for our more focused “yes.” In fact, it’s an absolutely bountiful blessing!

Some choices I’ve been making recently look like: Saying no to alcohol in the moment when I know it makes my body feel bad the next day; saying no to casual dating to make space for deepening in the life I want to build within current partnership; doing a gratitude practice in the morning even when I’m feeling down; saying no to prioritizing friendships that lack reciprocity; saying yes to committing to an hour of writing even when I feel like I have nothing to say that anyone would want to read; and saying yes to a nap even when it would make me arrive later to a social engagement.

I talk a lot about “feeling good” in A Recipe for More, and what I really mean is accessing a state of embodied presence frequently. And guess what? It takes work. Active, ego-less work to strengthen the muscle so that hopefully, at some point, it might get a little easier to make that choice. Every day it takes work to choose to commit to using the tools around me to take advantage of this outrageously generous gift that I’ve been given (life), because every day my Trickster self and my shadow self and all of the spirits that hover around me feeding on my energy whisper quietly in my ear that they want me to lay in bed, gorging slowly on my tale, my ouroboros scales getting caught in my teeth, as I eat myself up, inch by inch, until there’s nothing left.

Yes, I die a glorious death and then am reborn (and they love it / we love it because indulging our hunger always feels so good). But each death is not without pain, or most significantly— sacrificial energy and time.

So much wasted time.

Many days I don’t do a good job with Discipline. I reject her. I’m annoyed she’s always there waiting for me to choose her. I talk shit (trust issues). I momentarily think I’m better off without her.

But still there are many days, and seemingly more each year, where I do feel proud of the choices I’m making. I’m noticing small shifts in my ways of being, my level of patience with myself, my focus less on illusionary things that have no significance and in their place: less comparing, more noticing, and a less foggy, more tranquil headspace. I don’t know if it’s happiness, but I know that there’s more peace here. 

So I continue each day, making my small but mighty upward steps, committing to a life of depth and creation and big feelings and loose laughter and cavernous safety and profound connection and, and, and all of the more I can possibly fit for this lifetime into my heart and belly.

“Can You Recommend a Place for…
…a quick but hearty takeaway lunch that isn’t sandwiches?”

Read more

And as an offering to both my paid and my unpaid subscribers, I also share monthly “Prompts for Exploration” — the questions (sometimes slightly edited / expanded upon) from the “Question Everything” section in the most recent paid subscription offering.

I’m hoping that you’ll receive these “Prompts for Exploration” with an open mind and heart. Our questioning journey is most impactful when we’re open to changes within and around us.

And subscribers who support my paid offerings and who have already received this content can use this as a deeper dive and refresh, since things resonate most with our minds and bodies when we engage with them in repetition.

The following “Prompts for Exploration” are in relation to my most recent field notes / love notes post: “My Morning & Evening Routines” where I shared my daily routines— how I go about my day-to-day life (as an autistic, queer, mid-thirties, Brooklyn femme). I love reading about and observing others’ routines and incorporating small bits that inspire new ways of being in my own life. And as an autistic person, it’s always helpful for me to gather information on how exactly other adults “adult,” since I’m always concerned I’m missing something, so that I can then consolidate all my data points and create a life story that makes sense for my specific needs and desires. And unlike most folks in their thirties in the US, I don’t have a traditional 9-5PM job, kids, or traditional relationship/family structures, and I also rarely do things that I don’t want to do. I’m always happy to talk to other folks in my community about the choices I’ve made to structure my life in a way that’s largely outside of the norm. (In fact, I wrote a book about it).

And the option to subscribe is always here if you’d like to read more and engage in deeper reflection with your questioning journey.

Prompts for Exploration (from my most recent field notes / love notes post My Morning & Evening Routines)
Take several minutes to thoroughly think about each question. I also find it helpful to journal, sketch, or paint my answers to questions that I have difficulty thinking through and/or keep coming back to.

• Are you content with how your mornings and evenings flow? If not, what would you change?

• Do you prefer to ease into your day slowly or jolt yourself awake with sudden action?

• Do you feel guilty sleeping in? Why?

• Have you ever tried incorporating 5-10 minutes of stillness / meditation / thinking in the mornings or evenings before bed?

• Is your phone the first thing you look at in the morning? The last thing you look at before bed? If so, why?

• In the mornings, what are you rushing towards? Why? Can there be some mornings when you aren’t rushing?

Are you sticking to an old story you’ve had for yourself, perhaps one that a parent or guardian might have told you, like “the early bird gets the worm,” versus prioritizing and listening to how your body feels / what your body needs?

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise / tagging (@)SaraElise333. Sharing with proper crediting really helps, so I appreciate it.

Thank you for reflecting with me. 

onward in love,
Sara Elise 

One of my most frequently received questions is about my daily routines— how I go about my day-to-day life (as an autistic, queer, mid-thirties, Brooklyn femme). Someone also recently anonymously submitted a request to be answered in my “Your Questions, Answered” section below, and instead of answering below, I figured I’d do a whole post about it. I love reading about and observing others’ routines and incorporating small bits that inspire new ways of being in my own life. And as an autistic person, it’s always helpful for me to gather information on how exactly other adults “adult,” since I’m always concerned I’m missing something, so that I can then consolidate all my data points and create a life story that makes sense for my specific needs and desires. And unlike most folks in their thirties in the US, I don’t have a traditional 9-5PM job, kids, or traditional relationship/family structures, and I also rarely do things that I don’t want to do. I’m always happy to talk to other folks in my community about the choices I’ve made to structure my life in a way that’s largely outside of the norm. In fact, I wrote a book about it.

And since I love information and transparency, I’m also always excited to share things with the hope that someone might feel inspired to make a change in their life, or at the least, that we all might feel a little less alone. (Feel free to send me a message or leave a comment on the post if you want any product links/recommendations for any of the products I mention below).

So here’s what I’m working with:

MORNING

I need to ease into my day nonverbally and in a low-stimulation environment, or else my capacity for the rest of the day is very low because my nervous system is shocked. I don’t schedule any calls, appointments, or social time until after 10:30AM so that I can wake up naturally and ease into my day.

Once I start to wake, I’ll lay in bed and think about how grateful I am for my life and allow myself time to notice. I’ll notice if it’s sunny and bright or if I’m opening my eyes to a grey, rainy day; I’ll notice if there are Brooklyn sounds I recognize, like children’s laughter or a delivery truck rumbling down the next street. Once I spend some time meditating in observation and gratitude, I’ll pick up my phone to check any messages or emails I might have missed the night before, especially if I put my phone down early in the evening (which I’ve been doing more frequently recently and feels great). I’ll also typically check Instagram and browse some fashion and interior design accounts for some creative inspiration.

If my puppy Santo is with me and not her other co-parent, I’ll help her through her morning routine and then I’ll brush my teeth (with this excellent Euthymol toothpaste I just discovered), make my bed, and clean up my space. Sometimes I’m just too sleepy in the evening to clean up after myself, but starting my day with a fresh space (items put away in their designated place, dishes cleaned, etc.) helps my mind feel a bit more clear. I’ll then make and drink sea salt and lemon water (to aid with digestion and absorption), take my morning supplements or have a smoothie, and sit down to write or do some work. Before I leave my house for the day, I always shower and apply facial SPF (which I just learned is a necessary thing). Or I’ll do a home workout (I love Popsugar!) and then eat a small breakfast (with my daily probiotics), but I still haven’t figured out an easy morning breakfast plan that consistently feels good in my belly. If you have any suggestions, please share them below.

I think the most important parts of my morning routine are slowness and flexibility. I allow myself to change things based on what I might need that day based on the way my body and mind are feeling. Sometimes I’ll wake up in an exhausted space from stressful nightmares and need a lot more time to be nonverbal in bed adjusting to the day. When I give myself this flexibility, it helps me approach the rest of my day with a wider window of tolerance for the stimulation of the outside world.

Having the ability to start my days like this is a huge privilege that I have worked very hard to create. My days haven’t always been set up like this. For the majority of my twenties, I had to be at work by 7:30AM and was often on the train by 6:30AM, already overstimulated and absolutely miserable. It’s taken close to a decade of trial and error to figure out what works best for me.

I talk more about how I did this (and how you can, too) in my book.

EVENING

To wind down from my day I typically roll and smoke a joint with THC and mullein, or an herbal smoking blend that I make or buy from a local apothecary. When I arrive back into my space before I change into comfier clothes, I always shower off the outside world. I’m currently using a delightful pink peppercorn, balsam & cedarwood body wash, an ocean salt bodysoap, and a salicylic acid facial scrub. And once I’m clean, I’ll apply a facial toner, a snail mucin serum, a moisturizing gel-cream, and occasionally a seabiotic water cream or nighttime retinol cream (since I recently learned that my skin cells “overproduce”). It’s typically difficult for autistic people to transition to different types of stimulatory environemnts (like being at a high-stimulation dinner to being back in my low-stimulation space). Having this shower reset before I get comfy in my space is an important part of my transition ritual.

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And as an offering to both my paid and my unpaid subscribers, I also share monthly “Prompts for Exploration” — the questions (sometimes slightly edited / expanded upon) from the “Question Everything” section in the most recent paid subscription offering.

I’m hoping that you’ll receive these “Prompts for Exploration” with an open mind and heart. Our questioning journey is most impactful when we’re open to changes within and around us.

And subscribers who support my paid offerings and who have already received this content can use this as a deeper dive and refresh, since things resonate most with our minds and bodies when we engage with them in repetition.

The following “Prompts for Exploration” are in relation to my most recent field notes / love notes post: “The Pressure to Be Everything and Be Everywhere, All at Once,” where I shared some recent realizations I’ve had recently with regard to my book process, debunking capitalism’s myth that hyper-visibility = success, and confronting some deep-seated self-ableism that I’ve been working through.

And the option to subscribe is always here if you’d like to read more and engage in deeper reflection with your questioning journey.

Prompts for Exploration (from my most recent field notes / love notes post The Pressure to Be Everything and Be Everywhere, All at Once)
Take several minutes to thoroughly think about each question. I also find it helpful to journal, sketch, or paint my answers to questions that I have difficulty thinking through and/or keep coming back to.

• What does success look like for you? What did it look like when you were a younger person?

• Does your view of what makes a “successful person” align with who you are / what you can offer the world? (i.e. if my version of a successful person is someone who is busy all of the time and rarely needs rest then I might never view myself as successful since I need frequent rest in order to be my best.) What I’m getting at is: Are the markers for success that we have for ourselves/our lives rooted in a celebration of our innate and inherent selves or rooted in a desire to become a different person / be someone outside of ourselves?

• When we achieve our markers for success, why do we always want more?

• In what ways does capitalism impact your dream work?

• What are you rushing towards? Why?

• Do you like feeling busy? Why? Does it make you feel important / loved / desired / of value? What else is being busy replacing or distracting you from?

Write 3 affirmations that celebrate your inherent self— who you are *not* in relation to your output.
For example: not “I am great at getting my work done by my deadlines“ but instead “I am great at accessing my erotic energy.”

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise / tagging (@)SaraElise333. Sharing with proper crediting really helps, so I appreciate it.

Thank you for reflecting with me. 

onward in love,
Sara Elise 

A few weeks ago, I saw a tweet from Fatou B. Barry, shared by Rachel Cargle, that said “I really want us to move away from the idea that hyper-visibility = success. We tend to conflate ‘being seen a lot’ with ‘being good’ or of quality and that’s not always the case.”

Whew.

I recently realized that I have been struggling with my post-release book process because I was approaching my book project unlike how I approach any of my other life work: I was internalizing a white institution’s (AKA my publisher) idea of success and largely ignoring why I wrote this book to begin with. I’ve been caught up in the interviews, features, events, explaining the in’s and out’s of the book tour, working tirelessly to land more opportunities, and feeling like I need to do A LOT to prove myself to everyone (and ultimately, to prove myself to my self).

Even though I’m receiving text messages, fan mail, and DM’s from people around the world tell me how impactful my book has been to them (which is so beyond touching, truly. Thank you.), this gorgeous and abundant affirmation hasn’t been sufficient because I’ve been in a personal hellspiral of “This is all great, but I bet I’m not doing enough” which ultimately always leads to “maybe I’m not enough.”

My deep-seated internalized ableism has also crept in (as she loves to do!): I’ve been comparing myself and my output to that of neurotypical / allistic people, getting down and disappointed with myself when it feels to difficult to attend the same network-building dinners or take several interviews in one day. I get into a cycle of wanting to rush through the process so that I can do more to feel good about myself, not being able to do the things that I set out as goals because they don’t actually work for me, and then feeling badly about myself that I didn’t accomplish these goals. When really, the truth is that we all have different strengths and ways of offering our gifts to the world. No one way of being is more valuable than another, and I have permission to rest whenever I need it (and as an austistic person it’s WAY more than most NT adults need and that’s okay).

During a moment of stress and intense anxiety, my friend J reminded me: “I hope you can allow yourself to rest and return to the book over the course of its very long lifespan. You don’t have to do it all at once.”

Since my talk with J and several other friends and partners in the past few weeks, I have felt myself returning to what I know to be true: I wrote this book so that Black, brown, Indigenous, queer, disabled, femme, leatherfolk, gender non-binary, and other folks in my communities could see an example, hear a similar voice, gain a resource, or read a story that they could potentially model their lives and decisions on; so that they could feel seen. So that we all can feel less separate.

Just because my story hasn’t been written before or might be “too niche” for mass public appreciation doesn’t mean it has less of an impact on those who do resonate with it. Because the people who I wrote for are the weirdos, the people who don’t typically resonate with the norm, who sometimes feel too “wrong” for the world to even leave bed.

Currently, I’m returning to thoughts around manifestation and magnetization. Reminding myself that I have everything I need, and whatever else is meant for me, I can attract and call in from where I am, versus always pushing myself to be something or somewhere (or someone) else to get a new opportunity or accomplish a new goal.

I’m also reminded that if we spend all of our time that we could be resting feeling bad about taking time away from our output, then we aren’t actually resting. We aren’t actually pouring into ourselves, because the energy we could be spending doing that we are using instead to worry.

To tap into our center more effortlessly, we have to release our desire for control, our inherent tendency to study and sift and categorize and make meaning of how things are naturally unfolding around us. Whenever I want to remind myself I’m not in control— and because of that truth, I don’t actually need to push myself to do anything (remember: ease)— I sit outside or go upstate. Surrounding myself with nature— feeling the magnitude of something as vast as a forest or the ocean— reminds me that I have no choice.

I cannot be in control of something so vast: I cannot shape and categorize it to make meaning of it; I cannot work harder to bring it closer to me; I can only experience it presently. This reminder helps in shifting my brain into gear, reprogramming my cellular knowledge of my belonging, getting mySelf back into practice so that I might approach my tiny life in this way too.

I hope you can allow yourself to rest and return to your center over the course of your lifespan. You don’t have to do it all at once.

Read more

And as an offering to both my paid and my unpaid subscribers, I now share monthly “Prompts for Exploration” — the questions (sometimes slightly edited / expanded upon) from the “Question Everything” section in the most recent paid subscription offering.

I’m hoping that you’ll receive these “Prompts for Exploration” with an open mind and heart. Our questioning journey is most impactful when we’re open to changes within and around us.

And subscribers who support my paid offerings and who have already received this content can use this as a deeper dive and refresh, since things resonate most with our minds and bodies when we engage with them in repetition.

The following “Prompts for Exploration” are in relation to my most recent field notes / love notes post: “In The Light,” which had reflections and a playlist to celebrate Summer Solstice.

And the option to subscribe is always here if you’d like to read more and engage in deeper reflection with your questioning journey.

Prompts for Exploration (from my most recent field notes / love notes post celebrating Summer Solstice In The Light)
Take several minutes to thoroughly think about each question. I also find it helpful to journal, sketch, or paint my answers to questions that I have difficulty thinking through and/or keep coming back to.

• What purpose does Summer typically serve in your life?

• What does the Summer Solstice teach you about nourishment and renewal? Do you allow yourself to accept those lessons?

• What do you consume that energizes you (what types of food, songs, television shows, social media posts, relationships with friends, etc.)?

• What do you consume that leaves you feeling drained or negatively about yourself?

• Why do you consume things that don’t leave you feeling good afterwards? Is there a deeper purpose / are you telling yourself that this consumption is part of a larger plan? And if so, why are you minimizing your life experiences now (i.e. valuing them as less important, telling yourself it’s less important to prioritize yourself now in the present moment) than your future life experience?

• What’s one thing that you can consume today that will help how you feel about yourself?

What’s one choice that you can make today to focus your perspective on that which benefits and expands your purpose?
(hint: “resting” is a great answer!)

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise and tagging (@)SaraElise333. Sharing with proper crediting really helps, so I appreciate it.

Thank you for reflecting with me. 

onward in love,
Sara Elise 

As I’m finishing up the last of the East Coast events for my book tour (my upcoming free event on 6/28 at P&T Knitwear with Jezz Chung will be the last tour event until a West Coast book event in October), I’m spending a lot of time deepening in my reflection of the past two months since the release of A Recipe for More.

Summer is typically the time when I push myself to be out in the world, saying ‘yes’ to most plans that come my way, socializing and playing with friends frequently. I’ve even had past partners notice this shift, calling me “Summer Sara” and expecting an entirely new set of behaviors as soon as the weather started getting hot. But the past two months of consistent output has instead called for a more quiet stillness and solitude as I welcome in this Summer, so that I can integrate and reflect on all that I’ve been learning.

On Wednesday, the Summer Solstice officially marked a new season. The Sun reached its highest point in the sky and gave us our longest day of the year, reminding us of the light that exists within us all. Spiritually, the Solstice encourages us to turn inward for replenishment while also (with that internal grounding) giving us all permission to shine, to step firmly and with an open heart into our expansive existence. In remembering that, I’m giving myself permission to redefine what Summer typically looks and feels like for me. My partner Ryann and I have been talking a lot about what ‘Summering’ can be: thinking about saying ‘yes’ only to activities that feel enriching to our Summer experience, versus saying ‘yes’ to everything for the purpose of being out in these Summer streets. This questioning is a solstice ritual that reminds me that I can choose to nurture myself, just as the Sun nurtures me.

Writing A Recipe for More was a practice, a meditation in channeling what I know to be true intuitively, and sharing it with others. And the events for my book tour have called for much of the same— listening to and honoring my higher self through meditation, moving my body, taking my supplements, and being kind to myself more frequently than I am not so that I could rise above the anxious hum of my mind that’s even louder on event days— so that I could rely on my brain to show up for the output I was asking of it / so that I could rely on my brain to show up for me.

Very frequently, my default state of being is anxiety ridden, fearful, and uneasy. I have to choose every day to use my tools to help lift myself out of this natural state, and sometimes even that choice doesn’t feel possible. But when I have an event or a deadline (or a ‘Field Notes / Love Notes’ newsletter to write), there’s new motivation. And even one day of motivation that interrupts the chaos of my mind, is useful. Because of that, writing and doing events for A Recipe for More has helped me to more consistently access a better version of myself: it’s kept me disciplined to prioritizing my “recipe” for my life of abundance and ease, disciplined to stepping firmly into the light of my self-expansion.

To celebrate Summer Solstice, I made a playlist for my subscribers— all with songs that I’ve listened to when preparing for book events (or whenever I want to move away from our culture’s addiction to and toxic consumption of music, and many other things, that make(s) us feel bad about ourselves). Listen in order (at least the first time). It’s a nice way to ease into your day: starting off slow and reflective and ending with celebratory vibes.

Enjoy! And leave a comment if you have any songs that you think might be good additions.

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We still have some spots open for an exciting upcoming event on 6/20 in Brooklyn, NY. As an homage to the “Invest in Your Pleasure” chapter in A Recipe for More, J Wortham, Tara Aura, and I will be hosting a very sweet evening of pleasure and sensory exploration at Kula Studios.

Get Your Ticket Here !

This experience is designed to replenish your mind, body, and soul with a nourishing sound bath, cacao tasting, and a 'pleasure meditation' reading from A Recipe for More.

Embodiment is an act of resistance. Our evening of sensory exploration will create new inner space to allow for growth and pleasures to shine through.

This is an inclusive event, but aims to prioritize the wellness and well-being of our BIPOC and QTPoC communities. Please be mindful of that when entering and engaging in the space.

What is a Sound Bath? What is Sound Healing?

Sound healing uses the interplay of resonance, stillness and vibration to tether the bodymind with ease and flow. Sound waves move through every cell of the body for a sonic meditation shown to help calm breathing, tend to the central nervous system and release energetic blocks and stuck emotions. We will be using crystal bowls, tuning forks and bells to guide to into a blissful state.

What is Cacao?

Drinking ceremonial cacao is a centuries-old ritual. Ceremonial-grade cacao is seen as the ultimate heart-opener. It's packed full of antioxidant vitamins and minerals (such as magensium, iron, and calcium) and increases blood flow to the brain, which helps to strengthen awareness, focus, and presence. It helps the body to heal, detoxify, and gives your immune system a boost. Cacao has also been scientifically proven to increase the good bacteria in our digestive system. Over time, the nutrients found in cacao are essential for maintaining your health and can help prevent chronic illness (like cancer, heart disease, and inflammation).

Accessibility:

Kula Yoga is located on the ground floor (there are no stairs). The entry and hallways are of an Old Mill Industrial Building so they are quite wide, and there are 2 standard size door frames to enter the space. If you have any access needs you would like us to consider please email HelloSaraElise@gmail.com.

Cost:

$40 per ticket, which includes your entry to the event, your use of poofs and blocks and blankets to get comfortable while in the space, the transcendental sound bath meditation led by J Wortham and Tara Aura, a pleasure meditation led by Sara Elise, a ceremonial cacao tasting and introduction to plant medicine, and a short Q&A with the contributors.

There will also be signed copies of a A Recipe for More as well as copies of Black Futures (J Wortham's book) available for purchase by 'BEM | books & more' in the garden.

There are a limited number of pay-what-you-can slots for trans and gender non-conforming folks of color. Please email HelloSaraElise@gmail.com to reserve one of these spots, which will be first come first serve until they are all claimed.

Get Your Ticket Here !

Hope to see you there!

And as an offering to both my paid and my unpaid subscribers, I now share monthly “Prompts for Exploration” — the questions (sometimes slightly edited / expanded upon) from the “Question Everything” section in the most recent paid subscription offering.

I’m hoping that you’ll receive these “Prompts for Exploration” with an open mind and heart. Our questioning journey is most impactful when we’re open to changes within and around us.

And subscribers who support my paid offerings and who have already received this content can use this as a deeper dive and refresh, since things resonate most with our minds and bodies when we engage with them in repetition.

The following “Prompts for Exploration” are in relation to my most recent field notes / love notes post: “Autism Sounds Like”. And the option to subscribe is always here if you’d like to read more and engage in deeper reflection with your questioning journey.

Prompts for Exploration (from my interview with Jezz Chung in Autism Sounds Like)
Take several minutes to thoroughly think about each question. I also find it helpful to journal, sketch, or paint my answers to questions that I have difficulty thinking through and/or keep coming back to.

• What types of social experiences do you feel the most energized from?

• What type of social engagements do you feel the most drained from?

• What does your aftercare look like after a social engagement? Is it different for social engagements that are particularly draining? Should it be?

• Can you have pre-care for social engagements that you can anticipate might be draining? What can that look like?

• What are some things that you've committed to in the past before you had more language or self awareness about who you are/your current needs?

• Is there anything in your life currently that is leftover from a past decision, but that doesn’t fit into the current ways you’d like to care for yourself (ex: living arrangement, job commitment, relationship)?

• As a limited person with needs (which is every one of us), how do you affirm your needs (for rest, for pleasure, for alone time, for learning, etc.)? What are you in practice of each day that supports your needs?

• What is one thing you can do today to support ease in your life?

And finally, if you are neurodivergent, what are your neurodivergent superpowers?
How do you celebrate these gifts?

As a friendly reminder, if at any point you’d like to share a section of this newsletter on Instagram or with a friend, you can do so by screenshotting it and crediting Sara Elise and tagging (@)SaraElise333. Sharing with proper crediting really helps, so I appreciate it.

Thank you for reflecting with me. 

onward in love,
Sara Elise