This is where I share 3 things every week with my friends and anyone else interested.
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A picture from my life:
Highly recommend taking a BAE Boat out for a few hours on the Alameda channel. Reminds me of the time when we took a boat out on Lake Como in Italy, except you can’t jump in the water in Alameda.
A thing on my mind:
I can’t believe I’m 38 and a half. I was watching clips from the guy who stops older people on the street and asks them what it feels like to be their age. One person said something like, “I don’t feel old on the inside, but on the outside I look old so that’s how the world treats me.” I don’t look old yet, but that dissonance would bother me.
The 30s did hit me pretty hard. I was telling someone you know you’re getting old when you wake up feeling like you got hit by a bus even though all you did was go to sleep the night before. That’s how I felt every morning in my early 30s until I started stretching. I remember when I used to make fun of the OGs on the basketball court for needing to stretch, now I’m one of the OGs stretching all the time, except I’m called “Unc” not OG, which is way less cool-sounding.
I’m grateful I have older role models to help prepare me for what’s to come. On Sundays there’s a group of 65+ folks who play basketball at my gym. The oldest guy there is in his 80s and he still runs from the top of one 3-point line to the other, getting touches catching, passing and sometimes even shooting the ball. He told me if you want to keep playing basketball, you have to keep doing basketball movements. Even when you’re on vacation, do some loading, jumping, lateral running, etc. because when you get older the body is more eager to say, “Ok, guess we’re not doing that anymore.”
Outside of stretching daily, I’ve also had to sleep more, eat clean, lose weight, and build strength and flexibility. It’s a lot of work, and you still lose at the end. “Father Time is undefeated.” I was joking with another OG on the basketball court that we have to do way more just to do the same things we used to do. I spend way more time stretching and strengthening just so I can play a few hours of basketball, for example. The experience of aging is how the universe makes sure that you don’t take anything for granted.
On the flip side, it’s not all that bad. The plus of getting older is that I’m much easier on myself now. My theory is that there’s a pain threshold you need to hit in order for change to happen. I only started taking my physical health seriously when I realized I was spending more time managing pain, illness, and fatigue than I was living. The same is happening for my mental health. After years of beating myself up for not being good enough, it’s finally starting to feel like it all hurts too much. I used to be proud of my stupid high pain tolerance, but not so much now if that makes it harder to change who you are.
I enjoy watching and admiring my friends as we all age together at the same rate. I remember us when we were 18, 28, and now 38. Most of us were, and still are, driven to perform at a high level. The nature of the drive may have changed, and we’ve ended up at different places in life, but we are all still pretty much the same people. Rather than constantly telling myself that I’m not good enough in this way or that, I’m finding myself saying there are a million ways to succeed and believing it because I’ve seen it. And of course, there are a million ways to define success.
I remember reading a book called The Monk and the Riddle back in college. I don’t remember much of it other than the takeaway to pursue a life that is true to you. I enjoyed it at the time because I felt like I didn’t like the academic game. When I talked to the upperclassmen who came back from their coveted internships, I realized those jobs were just another version of the same academic game. What spoke to me instead was to make up my own game, which I did by starting companies. But every game needs a way to keep score. The challenge has been keeping the score the score — part of what makes the game interesting — and not an indictment of my worth. What matters is staying fiercely committed to and convicted in my potential, whatever the score says.
A piece of content I recommend:
The Score on 99% Invisible
Speaking of games and keeping score, the idea comes up all the time in my work on Flow Club. Some kinds of scorekeeping enhance the playing experience, others can become detrimental. This is an easy listen that talks about it.
Knicks Give Their City Something New: Impossible Joy by Matt Flegenheimer from the NYTimes
It felt like an inevitability before the series began that the 7’6 Alien would assume his basketball throne ahead of schedule, but then Big Body Brunson and the Knicks played incredible basketball to give New York something they’ve been waiting for for 53 years. The best thing about this NBA championship is all the media that came from it, like this NYTimes article, this video, and these photos.
The Greatest Season in Baseball History on Baseball Doesn’t Exist
All about Shohei Ohtani’s time in Japan. How he told Japanese teams not to draft him because he wanted to go to America, and a team drafted him anyway but ended up putting him on a two-way player development plan that prepared him to do what he’s doing today in the Big Leagues.
How to feel more secure from The Gray Area with Sean Illing
This podcast interviews Amir Levine who wrote the book on Attachment Theory about how to feel more secure. His suggestion aligns with what I’ve naturally done over the years to just gravitate towards people who can be what he calls “CARRP” — Consistent, Available, Responsive, Reliable, Predictable. There are people who can be that and others who for whatever reason just can’t. Instead of being upset, simply move towards people who can.
When you can’t help but thrive by me on the Flow Club Blog
We’ve always thought about Flow Club as a “space” and not just a website or a digital product, and my job is to invite everyone I can to this space we are hosting so you can experience how being part of the right space can transform your life. Wrote a bit about the idea.
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As always, you can find out what I’m thinking in more real-time on Twitter and my essays are on my website. My primary focus (and where I focus) is on Flow Club.














