That fully fleshed-out, real life item started as a freehand messy sketch in a lined notebook. And is further proof that artists are magicians. Self five!

The other day as I was leafing through my sketchbooks I snapped a few pictures of other similar messy concept sketches. None of these exist as real objects yet, and none of them are being seriously developed at the moment. But I thought maybe you’d get a kick out of them.

Creating the trinket tray without any knowledge of 3D-modeling, using only my words and detailed 2D sketches was pretty challenging. Lots and lots of back and forth was had. I’m very happy with the results…but it led me to fantasize about learning how to do absolutely everything in a more hands-on way. I am taking steps…baby steps…towards learning how to create my own sculpted objects that then become molds for different mediums.

I think my next step is learning slip casting! Because so many of these ideas are ceramic based.

From my research and taking one class, slip casting means you make an original object from clay, then make a mold of the outside of this object (don’t ask me how you do this part, I haven’t gotten there yet), and then you pour slip - which is a watered down clay substance - inside your mold and like swish it around so it goes into all the nooks and crannies of your mold. Then voilá, you have a hollow copy of your original sculpture. The kind of object one could shove a lightbulb up inside of!!

After slip casting, I want to learn how to do risograph printing and make my own prints in house.

Sometimes it’s difficult for me to zero in on one thing and dedicate myself to it. Which is why, in so many ways, illustration and product design is a great career for me. There’s always something new to learn and research and explore. But I find myself contemplating which next thing to go all in on next for a long long time before making any real moves. BECAUSE saying yes also means saying no. And time is money and money is money. You know?

Learning a new trade is kind of a big commitment.

So for now, I am flexing my idea muscles by thinkin’ about stuff. And scratching that creative itch with some messy concept sketches. While we’re dreaming…which concept speaks to you the most?

PS: My books are currently open for illustration and design work!

I put a little page up on ReesaBoBeesa.com that has more information about what I do and how I work. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like to create something special together.

xoxo, Reesa

My ad space will be in LA and I want YOUR submission. This is open to all mediums and skill levels…if you have an idea, message or image (photography, studio art, digital art, text art etc) you want to see on a billboard or wheat paste space, send it in. I want to see it!

The only thing that will disqualify you from being considered is AI use 🤮

The theme I’ve chosen is “Soft But Hard”

With this curation, I want to monumentalize all those squishy, uncontainable things we’re taught to hide, to cover up and poke and prod into an acceptable shape. What if we celebrated the evidence of time passing over us instead of feeling ashamed that we are changed by it? Like water passing over a shard of glass softens its edges - weathering storm after storm leaves us softer too.

How do we stay soft, even when it gets hard? How does your softness make you strong?

For example: stretchmarks, sincerity, rage, fat, wrinkles, greys, despair, laziness, rest, cut flowers, falling in love, animal companions, daily rituals.

To send in your submission, please visit https://www.saveartspace.org/soft-but-hard ❤️

There is a $10.99 submission fee-which goes toward covering the cost of the billboard or wheat paste ad space itself.

This world is so beautiful and precious and full of magic and mysteries. There are endless beautiful things to look at, foods to try, people and animals to fall in love with, poems to write, surfaces to paint on, questions to ponder. If that’s not enough for you, nothing will ever be enough. Your soul is rotten to the core. You’re a scourge on humanity and life itself.

If you can’t find purpose and satisfaction, that’s a skill issue. Do us all a favor and take yourself out!! Go to mars if you have to. Fuck off and leave us all alone!!

I’ve been working on this project for just over a year now…though I started pitching this deck way back in 2024 - and I’ve been dreaming of making a deck for years. So far, I have the Major Arcana and the Suit of Cups and now the Suit of Wands finished. That just leaves the Swords and the Coins…which, of course I left for last. Cause I’m a watery-fiery bitch. I’m tackling the Coins now because, put quite simply, I need to get my own coins up.

Keep reading below the fold to see all the Wands and a little insight into the theme and imagery I chose.

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In 2025 I accomplished a lot. Just by making it through.

I’ve said it a bunch, but it’s still true. This has been the hardest year of my life so far. In every season, a major pillar of my life was shaken, broken, or changed forever…and there was nothing I could do about it any of it! I was just along for the ride this year, or at least that’s what it felt like. Very appropriately, this is what my left wrist looks like today - a scar running right through my spell candle tattoo. Effectively breaking the spell! A spell I didn’t know I was under? 🤔

And no, this isn’t a self harm scar. I want to make that very clear!! In March I broke my wrist into a million little pieces and had to slow down and spend months healing and re-gaining my strength. Just one of my many trials and tribulations…

This morning when I was mindlessly scrolling I saw a comic Tyler Feder made about what got them through this sh*tty *ss year, and I was inspired to make my own. Because when sh*t hits the fan just making it to the other side is worth celebrating. After I made it, I realized:

These are mostly free things!!

Which is great because money is tight right now for a lot of folks, and who doesn’t love a free or very cheap hobby or activity!

So without further ado, here’s what got me through - free & cheap edition ⬇️

(keep reading for a breakdown of why I included each thing and my random recommendations if you think you and me might like some of the same things and you could use some comforting)

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This discount code is for my paid subs only.

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I posted the text of this comic on Threads in an off-hand way a few weeks ago, but I liked it so much I thought I’d make a quick down and dirty comic about it. The reason I like it so much is because this fantasy is on heavy rotation in my idle time these days. This kind of focus and isolation is what I was seeking when I drove from Los Angeles to Portland this summer to go and work on my Tarot Deck illustrations. And I got it…to an extent.

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The first two cards I drew when I pitched this deck were the Empress and the Ace of Cups - the cups really speak to me as a Scorpio who is always crying. So of course this was the first full suit I wanted to finish after the Major Arcana. (see my last post for the Major Arcana art!!)

Keep reading below the fold to see all the cups…

Tender Heart Tarot: A Deck for Radical Body Love & Embracing the Seasons of Your Life

The cups:

You’re literally seeing these cards as my editor is seeing them so they are all subject to change 😂 You may also notice that there are two slightly different gradients on these cards…which I just noticed making the collages. That will need to be streamlined but this is RAW sharing. The real deal process.

Every suit leans into a season, an element and follows one central character arc. The cups are the element of water, the emotional realm, and also correspond to water signs: Scorpio, Cancer & Pisces.

Suit of Cups

Element - Water

Season - Summer

Emotion, intuition

Dolphin - emotional intelligence, playfulness, freedom

Of course, summer is the season of the sea. And who doesn’t love mermaids?!?

Next up, I think I’ll be tackling the wands. Mental mastery! Sheesh!

Here’s my sketches if you can make any sense of them at all:

Thank you for being a paid subscriber to ReesaBoBeesa News. This year has been rough for me (and most other artists I know) and I’m so grateful to be here writing this update for you. I’m grateful to have such a big project to dedicate myself to as well.

xoxo,

Reesa

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Y’all, it’s taking forever!! It’s frustrating, and illuminating and I’m having a hell of a time! And learning lots! And I’m gonna give you people a little sneak preview of the first full segment of cards that is actually finished. (all except the Emperor but I don’t wanna talk about that!!!!)

Before we get into the art, I’ve finally settled on a name for this damn thing. For the last year and a half I’ve just been calling it “Reesa’s Tarot”. But I am actually trying to plan for the future and set myself up for success these days, and I reaaaaaally want this deck that I am pouring my heart and soul into to do well. And be seen and used and loved by a lot of people. I don’t want to limit myself to just the elite few with excellent taste who already know about ReesaBoBeesa or ME, I want to make something that will grab your eye on the shelf in Barnes & Noble and Powell’s and your local Apothecary. And not just in the well-lit halls of Instagram’s failing algorithm.

I recently hired my lovely friend Maddie (formally the HBIC of C&F Silver if you need an SEO hottie) to tell me wtf SEO means and what I am doing wrong (a lot) as a “business owner” and one woman dog and pony show. It turns out one of the big things I am doing wrong is how I’ve been naming stuff. Which up until about a month ago, was based solely on how giddy or uninspired I was feeling when I made the product page or designed the outer packaging.

That sparked a whole domino effect of thinking and writing and trying to get to the bottom of who I am making things for. I realized that getting those keywords right is not only a vapid marketing exercise, but actually kind of a profound way of making sure the right people will be able to find what I am making with them in mind!

So…without further ado, the official name of my forthcoming Tarot Deck iiiiiiissss

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Preamble

Right now I’m in Portland, on a self-guided artist retreat of sorts. I’m here to work on my Tarot Deck (to be published by Row House Publishing and released in fall 2026) because I couldn’t focus the way I wanted to at home in LA. There's 78 cards in a tarot deck, and I'm hand drawing each one - on the computer - but by hand. When I pitched this idea, I did a little bit of research to see if a deck like mine existed in the world…one that was “body positive”, showcasing many body types and sizes, in the mystical and vibrant art style I’ve cultivated over the years. And it really doesn’t, except for one notable exception being sold on Etsy that is MADE WITH AI. Barf.

As I’ve been pouring myself into the art for these cards, I have been ruminating on why exactly I find AI so very sinister. And I have lot’s of thoughts on the matter…too many not to share.

If you’d prefer reading over watching or listening, I’ve transcribed and distilled the key points below:

Part 1

Art is not just about technical skill and execution; it has content, context, perspective and perhaps most importantly, intention.

Bringing an illustration to life doesn’t just require technical skill, it requires knowledge of the subject you are illustrating. Draw hours are one thing, but you’ve got to have vision and perspective to communicate your intended message effectively.

To make a tarot deck I am proud of, I am learning about each card as I go. I am creating a whole world in which the cards live, with different character arcs for each suite, and a whole library of symbolism and color stories.

On a human level this is amazing. Because by the time I'm done with this deck I'm going to have a much richer relationship with tarot in general, and I'll know how to read cards. I love that because I love learning stuff. I love adding knowledge to my human meat brain. It's one of the biggest joys in life, and one of the best things you can do as a person.

They're taking that part of creating away from us…or they’re trying to.

While I’m painstakingly researching and hand-drawing my deck, somebody somewhere with access to gen-AI thought, “hmm, what “illustrated” product would sell well?”

“Oh, a body positive tarot deck.”

So they just said “give me a tarot deck that is body positive and make it in this art style.” They could have even typed in the name of one of my peers who has spent well over 10,000 hours not only developing their technical skills, but their entire life filling their brain with information and memories and specialized knowledge and symbols that matter to them. Heck, they could have even said “make it a ReesaBoBeesa deck”!

And the thievery machine would use somebody's drinking water somewhere to keep its wheels cool while it spits it out in no time. Which it can do because of those billions of human hours spent figuring stuff out since the beginning of humanity. Which is the most soul-less thing I can imagine. And yes, it may look nice! And it may actually turn out great! But it’s not because of anything the requester did…it’s because of all of the real artists and thinkers and learners who came before.

Part 2

Art can literally change the world.

It's not as if the art will go away when the human who made it stops getting compensated. We will never stop valuing art. I would say, actually, that art is one of the main drivers of capitalism. And always has been.

Think about it, visual arts, movies, storytelling, and design in all aspects bring in the $$$. A chair that makes you want to sit on it and look at it all day, the layout of a book that entices you to read it, stories that make us feel less alone, the music that is the soundtrack to our entire lives…The love songs and the songs that inspire you to hit the streets and protest when they are trying to take our rights away.

All of that is incredibly valuable to capitalism.

But what isn't valuable to capitalism is the people that make that art exist. In fact, the people that make that art exist are oftentimes the grit in the wheels of the machine.

We're a threat to “the man”. Because through creativity and through art, you can literally dream up anything. And if you have the skills and the vision and the passion, you can bring that thing to life in a way that people can immerse themselves in, and it can literally change the fucking world.

Art can change what people think of as possible.

Historically, artists have been very fucking hard to control. The only reason that we have been allowed to speak our minds, and put little messages of unity, community, uprising, togetherness and liberation into our art all of these years is that it makes the suits a lot of damn money. They haven’t been able to access the art without the artist.

We have been the barrier to them profiting from our art. As the barrier, we have had the power to inject our own ideas and our own morals into the art that we make. That gives us real revolutionary power. A power that they don't want to tolerate anymore. So they are seizing the means of production.

We have already seen clearly how this (slur) current administration has used gen-AI for propaganda!

Art is very convincing. It's very seductive, and it changes the world…all the time.

Part 3

Accepting information without knowing it’s source makes you easy to manipulate.

Like everybody else writing a think piece about how AI is destroying our critical thinking skills, I think it's very scary that we're asking chat GPT for answers.

While it may be very convenient to ask the cloud robot who knows everything for the answers now, in doing so we are making a deal with the devil that can’t be reversed. Sam Altman is sitting in his swivel chair cackling and stroking his hairless cat watching all of you guys ask chat GPT to answer simple questions.

Because, what is your source? Where is the information from the all-knowing chat window coming from…actually?

You don't actually know. He's just telling you, “oh, it's taking everything from the Internet and processing it all and telling you the best answer.” And right now, many users are double-checking to see if the answers are correct (consistent according to sources they trust) and for the most part they are. But there will come a time when people stop checking chat GPT’s work.

People are not going to notice when it starts telling them lies and propaganda. They’re not going to notice when it starts erasing history. And truth changes.

The Internet made us too good at finding alternatives to the uniting story we all need to believe in order to be easy to control. The same way that the artist infuses themselves and their morals into their art, the Internet has allowed for information sharing that is based in human experience and community and activism. Which is a direct threat to an authoritarian regime.

Part 4

AI is mimicking you and that should terrify you.

I think we can learn a lot about our collective unconscious fears through the horror and thriller genre. The scary stories that we tell each other that transcend culture and space and time get at our soul fears. There are things that we all know in our core, instinctually, that we need to stay away from.

A story that I have heard many times (as a horror fan) is the story of the mimic. Many cultures have versions of this story, because it is inherently terrifying to our humanity. If something is pretending to be you or someone that you love, you need to be very scared.

Say you know your mom is out of town, and you're alone in the house and you hear her calling you from the other room. Don't go and ask her what's going on, because that's not your mom! That's an evil force putting on her voice, trying to lure you into a trap.

Even if you don't want to be, spiritual and ghostly about it, think about a narcissist (I would call narcissism a curse, but that’s a discussion for another time). If you've ever had the displeasure of getting entwined with one, you know exactly what I'm getting at…

They watch you and they mimic you and they become exactly the person that you need them to be so that you will trust them and rely on them. They will build the perfect web just to trap you in it. And once you’re trapped, they will lie and manipulate you and take advantage of your good will until they’ve stolen your light completely. And then they will abandon you.

Conclusion

AI is mimicking us and lulling us into trusting it by providing valuable information and giving non-artists access to “art” without any real effort. Nothing good comes that easy. Keep doing it the hard way. It is far more valuable to spend the time figuring things out, and learning the skills you need to create something yourself. One of the best things about being a person is that we have our whole lives to learn things.

Your art and your creativity are powerful forces of revolution. Cultivate them and use them. Don’t forget that you can change the world. Don’t be seduced into complicity and don’t let AI steal our light!

Am I the person I portray myself to be online? How much of who I have become is shaped by how I want to be seen online? And (horror of all horrors) how much has my art and art style changed as a result of what performs well on social media?

I realize I’ve come to intertwine myself and my experience of myself so inextricably with my business, and embarrassingly, with being online. And my online persona!

I am proud of my little online world. I am so happy in it when it feels alive. I am proud of the positive impact people tell me my art has had on their senses of self, self image and self love. I am proud of the business I grew out of it. I am so grateful that I am a full time artist. And me showing up to be on Instagram for twelve years has given me those opportunities. It has often felt like a dream! To be supported, and adored and liked*. To be recognized in person? One time in London too! Whhaaaaat?

It made, and sometimes still makes, me feel I am on the right path. That I am doing something worthwhile. And I have taken that positive reinforcement and tied it to my sense of self. A neat little sash that says I’m a real artist. I am somebody. People like my drawings and my point of view. I am helping. I am contributing! To a conversation!!

But right now, I am kinda flopping. By that I mean, I am not being cute or fun and inspiring online - or at least as compared to the old version of me that still lives on my feed from years past. My sales have dropped over 50% from last year as a direct result of how much shine I’ve lost (when I am thinking logically I’m sure there are many other contributing factors) and none of my hard-earned followers are even seeing my lackluster posts anyways.

And, surprise surprise, I feel I am flopping in real life as well. My sense of self and identity as an accomplished artist are faltering. I feel like a greyed out, hunched over version of my former self with bad ideas and bangs that are always greasy.

After twelve years it’s become hard to say if the fickleness of social media is causing me to feel like a flop, or if I am just going through a crisis of identity and a spat of depression offline and that is painting everything with a tint of garbage, including my interactions with online. It’s probably not a causation situation at all, but more of a positive feedback chaos spiral. Where all things are true. And when I am thinking logically, I do have a lot of real life things my nervous system is trying to sort through. And then, of course, there are the horrors. Which I see from the window of my phone screen every day.

I wonder who I would be if I wasn’t online. I also wonder what art I would be making if I didn’t have anywhere to post it where people would see it. Or this idea that people would feel somehow let down if I stopped..

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I am currently typing this very very gingerly because I’m working with a broken (left-thank god) wrist. I took a tumble rollerblading a few weeks ago and broke my wrist in two places…requiring surgery. I’m choosing to remember myself going down in an epic blaze of glory. Right before I fell they were playing Robyn’s “dancing on my own” and I was really getting into it.

I am resting. I really am. But I am also required to use my fingers as much as possible during my recovery so that I can regain “at least 80%” of my dexterity. I promise you I will regain 90%. I’m that determined. I can’t wait to twist open jars again. And undo ziploc baggies!! For now, I can type very slowly and tie my own drawstring. My fingers are swollen as hell and I’m trying to stay positive.

In the spirit of plugging along, I wanted to share some art and design updates with you. There are a still quite a few irons in the fire over here in ReesaBoBeesa country!

1. Reesa’s Tarot

I am in the process of illustrating my very own Tarot Deck. I’m thrilled to be working with Row House Publishing on this undertaking, and I couldn’t have asked for a better team. 78 is a lot of cards, we are currently getting all the concepts finished for the major arcana. The deck is slated for release in fall 2026.

This deck is forcing me to practice my patience. It’s definitely the largest illustration undertaking of mine so far. It’s a lot of studying, and thinking, and communicating every step of the way - and for good reason. It’s not something I can just tear through! It is an exercise in will power and managing my own work schedule.

2. New Jewelry Designs

There’s a few new jewelry designs in the works for ReesaBoBeesa.com that I can’t wait to hold in my hands. I won’t share too much about them until they’re here…but one thing I WILL share is this sad heart face! I get a special thrill from the 3-D rendering 😲

I have two earring designs in the works. A couple charms, a redesigned version of my original “Radically Soft” necklace, another pendant (a swamp monster!!) AND my personal favorite, a charm holder.

3. “Pinups of the Resistance”

This is a series I started a few weeks ago because I’m pissed off. Like GODDAMN people just want to live and feel safe and have a roof over their heads and good food to eat and be able to pursue their dreams. What is WRONG with these horrible men?? In the end, the people will be victorious. We have to be. I see my job as an artist in 2025 to make the resistance irresistible! And so; pinups of the resistance was born. I plan to keep going until we don’t need them anymore.

Ultimately, I’d like to create a coloring book and a poster of all of them…although it may need to be a series of coloring books and posters.

4. New print & apparel designs in the shop!

Last month I created three new designs (and one repurposed illustration) and added them to the shop as tees and posters. I’m donating a percentage of the proceed of sales of each to charitable causes.

If you’d like to support this work, it’s shoppable right now!

5. I illustrated a children’s book!

Can you believe it? I had the opportunity to work with the lovely Mara Altman on her first children’s book “A Little Shelf Love”. It’s about plants and the journey to self love. I’m very proud of it. It’s available for presale right now. If you happen to be close to San Diego, we’ll be unveiling it in person at The Book Catapult on April 15th.

The art for “A Little Shelf Love” was maybe not my usual style, but I definitely brought my own flair to it. And I adore an opportunity to push myself as an illustrator and story teller.

I am behind on “Oh, There You Are!” Comic episodes - but I hope you will understand that I am moving a bit slower than I’d like over here. And I’m working on mustering up the energy and will to get back into the flow.

But for some reason she can’t possibly fathom as a person with empathy and basic human decency, common sense and patience: a bunch of very rich, deeply boring white guys (and a some very sad women) keep sticking their grubby fingers in people’s business.

Okay…but WHAT is their fault?

There is a problem. There are many problems. But they all stem from one root cause: the grubby fingered men who keep pointing at regular people just trying to get by in this cruel and beautiful world. But don’t be tricked. As the kindergarten adage goes: whoever smelt it, dealt it.

“Let me protect you delicate woman, from those scary radical ideas like bodily autonomy and freedom of choice. No, no, under my thumb you’ll never have to worry about other people mutilating their own bodies anymore - except for hair transplants for biological MEN and boob jobs for biological WOMEN. Or *gasp* making you uncomfortable by putting pronouns in their email signatures. Hush now, it’s okay, I know it was exhausting trying to observe how other people want to be addressed and respecting their choices while also making your own choices for a few years…I know it was a lot for your pretty little brain to handle. I’ll protect you from those big confusing choices.”

“Don’t be silly, access to clean water and good food and a stable eco-system wouldn’t make you any safer. It’s more important to have water for the big computer that powers our new nuclear AI program. THAT will keep you safe. Ahhh you are SO IMAGINATIVE! Wouldn’t that be FUN if you could have clean water for free. But what you didn’t think of (it’s not your fault: this is complicated stuff! That’s why I am in charge after all.) is if you don’t have to pay for it, then poor people could also have it! Now use that overgrown imagination of yours to think about that!!! How disgusting. Ewwww you don’t want poor people to also have clean water do you??”

“Why are they poor and I’m unimaginably wealthy? Oh, that’s easy. Because god said. God said they need to be poor so me and my ten friends can have ten houses each and super yachts that need to be air conditioned year round even though we are only on them for like three weeks. Yes, I am rich because I am a good person who deserves it. In fact, I earned it. When I bribed and drank my way through school and fired all those people from their jobs to make the board happy…remember that? No, of course you don’t you weren’t there. That’s why you don’t have a job. This is a meritocracy. Not a DEI-hire-ocrasy.

“You don’t find it suspicious that a black person was able to pass a super technical and highly regulated flight controller exam?? Now you’re just yankin’ my chain!!! C’monn!!! How could they possibly do that with their diminished brain power and also the sin of probably being poor…most of these guys are street thugs you know. These libs will hire anybody for the optics. Even an…*whispers* immigrant. Or a queer…whatever that means. And to think! If they hadn’t been given that job it would be yours. Well…not yours, but maybe your brother’s.”

“Oh, he didn’t go to air traffic controller school? Well, no matter, he is just full of potential I’m sure he can learn on the job!”

“He’s a what?? An oceanologers…what’s the word again? Oceanopholists? Ugh, I’m sorry to hear he’s been radicalized by the LEFT. It’s sad to see a fine young man get brainwashed by the fake news. No! The super yachts are NOT destroying natural ecosystems. Big science is just trying to scare you and take your hard earned tax dollars for “research” and “conservation”. I talked to some dolphins and they told me they actually love looking at our big boats. They are impressed by how we are dominating the ocean by constantly burnin ‘fossil like men. Dolphins and I have a lot in common, if you know what I mean *wink* *wink*”

“Lil’ missy, with me in charge you’re finally safe from the fish scientists. And the radical women and people just trying to get to safety and survive. Or as I like to call them, terrorists and criminals. Shut up, you know damn well it’s their fault! It’s not MY fault. C’mon don’t make me point the finger at you next!”

Sorry, I know this week’s episode lost its structural integrity very very quickly but like…viva la resistance! I know all my readers aren’t being tricked by this big mean idiot AND I know there are more of us than there are of them. Our job right now is to protect our peace and do our part and stand our ground.

The good news is, if a much much worse future is possible (we are seeing that it is), that means a much much better future is also possible. And I won’t accept a hell of their making - the hatred, the greed, the destruction. I would literally rather die standing by my neighbors. If I am a radical for believing a better life for all of us is possible, then so be it. If seeking safety and a good, full life for yourself and your family is a crime, then the law is wrong and I’d rather be a criminal. We’ve created this world through a series of choices, so we can make different choices and build a different world. We may have to give up some conveniences and habits along the way, but I know we can do it.

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One afternoon, like many afternoons of late, Clarice is painting in the living room. She’s having her coffee and watching something in the background to keep her focused on the task at hand.

She finally caught an exciting break just two weeks ago! Her very own show! She’s keeping her expectations low…reminding herself that probably nobody will come. Probably nobody will buy anything. But…maaaybe they will :))))))) And SHE IS PAINTING AGAIN. AND SHE HAS A REASON TO PAINT. She has a DEADLINE.

Clarice was getting her sea legs again. She had her five things she could manage in 2025. She was making plans with friends, she was taking time out to go outside in nature and walk around, she was appreciating the life she has. She was becoming more comfortable with letting things unfold as they will…she was chipping away at things bit by bit. Learning patience.

But then there’s a news bulletin interrupting her show. Her phone is screaming and vibrating. There’s yellow block text E V A C U A T I O N Z O N E!

Huh?? Is she in an evacuation zone? How does she find out? Is she supposed to know these letter-number codes?? Why the HELL don’t they use zip codes??

Okay…no, she’s just in a warning zone. She’s not in the mandatory evacuation zone. For now. She needs to pack a bag. She needs to get a flashlight. Is her phone charged? Where is Lewis???? Where are the cats?? Where will they go?? And omg…they don’t even have cat carriers!

The trees are whipping against the windows. Her city is on fire. It’s coming at them from both sides. They’re calling it a “firestorm” which…she thought was just a turn of phrase. Not a real weather event.

Lewis is home. Their power is still on. Though tens of thousands of people have lost power. New evacuation zones are being announced all the time. They found an app that actually helps them understand where the fires are and who needs to evacuate, and who is on a warning. They are texting all their friends and family. Everyone is checking on everyone all over the city. Half of the people they know are being forced to leave their homes behind with nothing but what they can carry.

Clarice keeps kicking herself about the cat carriers. “We’re just gonna have to pile into the car. Loose cats in the car!”

Lewis is worried that they don’t have cash on them.

Do they need to bring a blanket? Granola bars?

You won’t have any idea what really matters to you until you have to make a go bag. Clarice brings her family photos. Her childhood dog’s footprint on a piece of clay. Her comic. Some pencils to draw with. Her computer. Her passport. An external battery. One change of clothes.

Lewis grabs his computer and hard drives. His two favorite pairs of pants. Some journals and the book he’s reading. His passport. He wishes he had $3,000 in cash. He feels like that would somehow keep them safe.

The fire is moving through the city at a breakneck pace. It’s already up to 4,000 acres. Now 6,500. There’s new ones popping up all the time. New people to check in on. The air at their house is thick with smoke…they’re ten miles away on two sides.

After a few hours the wind dies down in their “zone”, but the warning is still in effect. The fires are eating up more and more of the places she holds closely. She didn’t realize how much the Reel Inn meant to her. She didn’t realize how much that red barn off the side of the road meant to her. The big chair at the winery she has a picture of somewhere - her teeth in braces gleaming. The hike up to the waterfall she and Lewis went on last summer when it was too damn hot, and everything was changing and they were overwhelmed and frustrated. The exertion of the hike, saying fuck it and traipsing through the stream in their shoes all the way up to the freezing cold falls. It made them feel better. Connected to something bigger than emails and leases and bills.

Exhausted. Eventually everybody lays down for a sleepless night. Every time there’s a notification on her phone, Clarice is at attention. For three days it goes on like this. The fires keep spreading. They are at 0% containment. The wind speeds are out of control. The light is orange and otherworldly. They’re keeping the windows closed tight.

Every morning, the city takes stock of what’s been lost. More homes, more small businesses. Generations of work and safety destroyed in a matter of days. There’s videos of people driving streets Clarice should know so well, but they’re unrecognizable. Reduced to rubble. Pets got stranded. People got stranded. The fire ripped through bedrooms and backyards and coyote’s dens.

So this is what it feels like.

She’s always been a far away witness to “natural” disasters. She’s always tried to imagine what it could feel like to be in the eye of the storm. She’s pre-mourned whatever horrible thing will come for her. She always thought it’d be an earthquake. Not a firestorm.

Clarice and Lewis and the cats got lucky. Clarice’s family is safe…displaced, but safe. Lucky and safe, but changed forever. The fires are still burning, but moved away from homes. They’re half contained. There’s videos of fire teams coming in from across the nation and the world to help Los Angeles. She’s sobbing at the humanity of it all. Everyone is pitching in and donating and giving out free meals and sharing news and resources. She doesn’t know how to help. She doesn’t know how to keep doing her five things.

A whole week after the fires broke out, it’s eerily normal on her street. It doesn’t even smell of smoke anymore. But you aren’t supposed to breathe the air. There could be sleeper toxins in it…like asbestos from all the beautiful old houses going up in a blaze. But…how does one not…breathe…the…air?

The moon is full. Clarice looks to the moon for guidance. But tonight, the moon is just a mirror.

All of a sudden it’s 2025. Clarice feels like she’s moving through time at an alarming hyper-speed, but every day ticks by slower than the last. It’s like the car is moving but she can’t find the steering wheel.

Thinking about the year that just passed by - it kinda feels like the year passed her by. There are so many ways she fell short. That she failed. Her inbox is still dry. The upward trajectory that was her career has sputtered to a halt and that’s where it’s stayed. She’s doing everything she can think of to move the needle, but it seems like everyone has moved on without her. Nobody is listening when she tells them about her new project. And yes, it is becoming more and more clear that it’s the art robots they don’t have to pay that have taken what few jobs there are left for illustrators.

All of this is true. And it’s also true that her life is full of love and small joys. She has a roof over her head, a cozy warm bed, food in the fridge, a wonderful partner, a loving family. And of course, Tabs is always there to lift her up. And now Lionel too (we’re still workshopping this). Life isn’t all wins and laughter. Life is a lot of doubt and false starts and disappointment and questions - alongside the wins and laughter and cute outfits and whatnot.

Right now (and always) so much is out of her control! All she has influence over is what she does in the space of a day. From the disappointments and un-welcome changes, Clarice has done her best not to get discouraged despite the weight of uncertainty. And to focus on what she can do and let go of the rest.

Here are five things she tells herself she can absolutely and with certainty manage in 2025:

1. Move my body and take care of the equipment I’ve been given.

2. Make time to see the people I love and do my best not to overthink how I show up with them.

3. Leave room for life to surprise me.

4. Keep watering the seeds I’ve planted, even if I can’t see how they grow.

5. At the end of every day, take time to appreciate where I am and what I have.

Everything else is outside of her control.

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There is nothing better than this time of year; Clarice calls it the inbetween. It’s rich and slow. A good time to pat yourself on the back for all you accomplished and somehow survived in 2024…to take stock of how long a year actually is, before somehow it’s June 2025.

“Huh, you know every year I want to lean even more into seasonal decorating! Like honestly maybe we should get a Spring tree…I can have a chest for every season and we can change out all our decor on the solstice and then the equinox and then the other solstice and so on! Obviously, in fall we actually need THREE subsets of decorations…” says Clarice, hopped up on everyone being home together with nowhere to go and nothing to do.

“We should get a Spring tree?” Lewis laughed at her but kept draping the garland with the utmost care.

Tabitha, who had been scientifically inspecting every new ornament they hung for swatability, suddenly left her post and walked to the front door. Meowing all the way.

Unable to convince Tabitha that she did not want to go outside in the pouring rain without demonstrating, Clarice got up and opened the door so she could see why for herself. She had not expected anything but raindrops. And she certainly didn’t expect to see a soaking wet orange cat trying to take cover on their porch!

“Oh my!” She whispered, and then “Lewis, there’s a cat out here! Go get the turkey!". Turkey lunchmeat is the key to any stray cats heart.

Much to her surprise, the cat didn’t run away. He seemed a little wary, but not skittish. He took the turkey gratefully and followed a trail of it into the house. Tabitha was meowing madly the whole time- clearly concerned for (and enamored of) him.

B$
()p;

^ I’m leaving that in because one of my cat’s actually just ran across my keyboard while writing this on actual Christmas Eve. It reads like some sort of reddit shorthand doesn’t it? I’m sitting on the couch with a cat and a dog looking at my Christmas tree and burning a fake log on the TV. Everything feels unbearably romantic. Art imitates life. Anyways -

They got the kitty all dried off and fed and warmed up. He was friendly and incredibly polite. He seemed a little bewildered, understandably, but very grateful to be warm and dry. And almost right away Tabitha got to sniffing him…and then licking his head. And then they curled up together on the tree skirt that was only partially set up and fell fast asleep. And Clarice and Lewis cuddled up on the couch and watched them in disbelief.

“What do you think his name should be?” asked Clarice. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves” said Lewis. And then…“hmmm maybe Lionel? Lester? or Larry?”

“I really don’t think he’s a Lester or a Larry, babe”

“Okay, well we can ask him in the morning”

Row’s wondering if she’s already on her way to the spin studio. Spin is hard and very millennial but it’s fun with the right instructor. And this is N*Sync vs. Backstreet Boys Spin Hour. Very millennial. And worth getting her sh*t together and showing up once a month at least.

Clarice most certainly is not on her way to the spin studio. She’s hours deep into three screen time. She is on page 12 of million dollar homes in upstate New York - clicking around the 3D walk-throughs with disdain mostly. But Schenectady does look pretty quaint…she wonders is Lewis would ever go for it. And if Tabitha would like the seasons! The “yap yap yap yap yap” of the women in the early 00’s show - the one she puts on at the end of every year - on the biggest screen has her daydreaming about scarves and falling snow outside her window. Having to “warm up” the car instead of roses blooming and sunshine in the middle of winter. It’s only started to bother Clarice recently she’s convinced the sun is getting stronger every year and that winters in California used to actually be cold! Like she remembers them!

There’s no reason for her to sit in traffic to go to a location-specific job. She’s not even working in the “industry” anymore. The millennial promise of an adulthood full of close-knit friendships and autumn walks with coffees in white cups seems to be slipping further and further away from her…

Boobs tamped down, sneakers on, Clarice is out the door. To sweat next to a bunch of other people her age and try and escape into a few songs from when they were in middle school. And thought adulthood would be like it was in sitcoms.

But Tabitha, for one, has much more important things to focus on! Like what’s going on outside her window here and now!

Share Oh, There You Are!

Clarice is looking down at her plate while everyone goes around the table and says what they’re thankful for. This part of the tradition is nice. She has a lot to be thankful for. And a holiday tradition that is about getting together and sharing food is a nice idea. And the food is nice too- it’s a special combination that we only have once a year. That’s very nice.

It’s also kinda like watching a parade of ghosts that used to live in her head. They come tumbling out of the mouths of the people she loves and they just hang there in the air in front of her. And even though she can’t believe someone would say such a thing out loud, she’s probably said worse herself.

She’s definitely thought worse. When those were just facts to her, and not ugliness. When it was as alive to her as it still is to them now.

In her family, it’s masquerading as health consciousness. They are a very health conscious family.

Being active is applauded, telling everyone at the table you’re pescatarian who doesn’t eat tomatoes right now is a normal thing to say. They used to run a “Beat The Bloat” 5 or 10k on Thanksgiving morning. There are placemats from raw food diet camps all the women and girls went to together in the late 70’s that come out onto the table from time to time. Compliments are doled out when you are thin. And things like “he’s been doing so well except he’s gained lot’s of weight” are said behind people’s backs. As well as regular updates about who has finally lost weight! Yipee!

Clarice knows things like that are said behind her back too. Not the thing about finally losing weight…the “blah blah blah big accomplishment minus a few points because she’s gotten so fat” thing. But nobody at this table would ever say anything like that to your face. They don’t mean to be mean. They are just relaying facts. And everyone agrees it’s bad to have let one’s self get fat. It’s a failure to live un-healthily, so naturally points should be docked! This is a world view where everyone strives for thinness and health. And everyone who isn’t achieving those states of being is aware of their short-comings and feels badly about them.

She just feels badly for them for still seeing things this way.

Through much effort on her part, over years and years of fisticuffs with ghosts, she’s practiced accepting what is and learned to relinquish (some) control. Because that’s really what it is about. It’s about trying to exert control over your life and mortality. To make yourself worthy and good. If you can force your body and mind into submission, things will be okay. You will be good. And good things will happen to you. You will be beautiful and you will be loved. And it will be okay.

She’s been “in recovery” for years. Some days are better than others.

Clarice got the idea for her eating disorder from her family definitely. But she also got it from everywhere else too. She want's to get mad at her great aunt for talking so much about other people’s (and her own!) bodies. But she also knows all to well what it’s like to carry the weight of that obsession and shame and belief that somehow changing our bodies will bump us up the hierarchy of goodness. There’s nuance…which is so annoying. Black and white, good and bad, their fault, would be much easier to navigate. She could yell and scream and say “Why did none of you stop and talk to me about the importance of proper nutrition when I was rail thin and only eating a bowl of yogurt and granola every day when I was just a kid??”. But that would be like yelling at a grain of sand on the beach and asking it why it let her get wet. (too convoluted? oh well, it is convoluted.)

Today, Clarice showed up with her as-is body and her cute little outfit. Everyone exclaimed that she looked very festive. Not beautiful, festive. She has learned there are much more interesting things to be than beautiful. She adds festive to that list.

The food was good, and everyone laughed, and she was grateful to be with the only people she’s known all her life or all their lives. As-is. Nobody said any of the things she had been steeling herself to grin and bear. But the context of “oh my! This is so much food! I won’t eat for three days!” is incredibly clear.

She learned how to make a happy home full of magic and color and plants from her family. Her great aunt used to sit with her for hours and teach her how to make pillow cases out of her favorite ripped clothes for her doll houses. She learned how to talk to anyone from her uncle, and that the most important thing in life is just to show up. She learned to garden and convene with fairies and to chase her curiosity from her dad. She learned how to walk and talk and cook from these people. And wether they like it or not, she modeled her personal style after the way she remembers the women in her family when she was growing up in the 90’s and early 00’s. And those were soft women with big hips and round shoulders. Their nails were always painted and their hair was short and and their cheeks were round and pink. They had small gold hoop earrings and wore big flowy dresses and little sweaters, not unlike what she’s wearing today.

After dinner, she sat with her little cousins and did crafts and paid attention when they showed her what they’d made. Who cares what our bodies look like when we have fingers that can make lumps of clay into anything we can imagine??

How amazing that a tiny person you’ve known since they were kinda just their own lump of clay has their own original ideas and imaginary worlds now and can create things with their own hands now?!?

As she was leaving, her great aunt handed her a “HUGE” (2xl) sweatshirt because it was “so lovely, but I don’t know why on earth anybody would think this size would work for (her husband)! It’s absolutely gigantic. I thought you or Lewis might like it!”

Ironically, she did like the sweater. But she knows every time she puts it on and it fit’s her just the way she likes it will remind her that someone she loves who loves her back thinks her body is absolutely gigantic. And so what if they do? There are much more interesting things to be than thin! Like festive, and creative and loving and cozy in a lovely sweater for crissake. It’s their genes that gave her this body, and they’re pretty good stock. Wether they know it or not.

Clarice slept like a baby in her soft, warm bed with Tabitha curled up on her big full belly. Both of them knowing the cupboards are well-stocked and that tomorrow morning they’ll both eat their fill again.

I shut down my business after five years.

Earlier this year, I ran into some frustrating and humbling setbacks with my business, ReesaBoBeesa. And ultimately had to close down our workspace, let go of my amazing team and take all of the products we sold there that weren’t print-on-demand offline. Which was pretty devastating. Especially letting go of the ReesaBoBeesa team, and during such a hard year for most folks at that.

There was and still is a lot of guilt there. Guilt that I kept forging ahead, while seeing the weak points of the business. Guilt that I failed people who made the shop what it was. And also just like a medley of guilt and shame that I have carried under the surface of everything I’ve done in the past 8 or so years…that I actually have no idea what I’m doing and sometime, somewhere, someone will find out and they’ll go, “ha!” “I got ya!”. And idk what would happen after that, but whatever it was would be absolutely catastrophic and confirmation that I am actually a very bad person who is very bad at things and actually nothing was ever going well. And why would I think I could do this??

That didn’t actually happen. A lot of other shoes did, in fact, drop. Like, turns out actually that not filing your taxes for two years because your business really took off during covid when nothing seemed real and your then tax advisor didn’t even seem to understand what “e-comm” was and you didn’t want to go to jail for committing fraud cause you nearly failed math studies reeeeeaaaaally comes back to bite ya in the butt when you finally do file. It’s ‘spensiiivvee. And, hey, relying on other businesses to make stuff to the standard they always have can also bite ya in the butt. Hard. For months and months and months. And you may not recoup the money you spent on orders that never come in as they should. (I’m still in a never ending email loop of dread with this jewelry manufacturer. Maybe some day I’ll have the energy to get into it again. But probably not.). Oh, and landlords in LA are crooks. Who would have ever suspected THAT?

You can’t build anything solid on shaky ground.

When I broke down what caused my business to crumble the reality was that I had set up far too high of stakes for it. I didn’t have room for slow months or mistakes. But what was working was our sales! And my designs! And organic marketing for which I have never paid one single dime!

As of now that number is around 14,000 orders placed in my online shop since 2019. Many other comparable businesses have made many, many more sales and make much more money every year than mine did (does). And I know that because they insist on posting about it- I’ll spare you that part. But I am incredibly proud of ReesaBoBeesa’s sales. It’s like a miracle to me.

I just couldn’t keep enough high sell-through inventory on the shelves, I was paying too much to store that inventory, and I didn’t have any contingency plans. Also maybe I wasn’t ready to hire people to work at ReesaBoBeesa since those fundamentals weren’t solid.

Realizing these fundamental failures was a big blow and a huge reality check. And while it was painful, I have grown to love and appreciate a reality check. Because you can’t build anything solid on shaky ground. And the message I’m taking away from this year and this reality check is: babe, you need a cushion. Let your growth be slow and non-linear. Your dreams and ideas will still be there when you’re ready to take them on without over-extending yourself, your time, your budget and your nerves. You don’t actually have to be everything all at the time. Actually, you can’t.

I took my forced time away to re-evaluate, explore, rest and apply for a bunch of jobs I never heard back from. Swim in alpine lakes and oceans. Start making art with paint on paper again. Form a character named Clarice (Reese for short) and start writing little episodes with accompanying illustrations about her life. Make a Substack account. Realize for right now I have no choice but to keep pursuing my dreams (ugh). Find a new way to manage inventory and shipping orders for my physical designs. Get it set up. Come to a new appreciation of how much I’ve actually learned in the years of throwing myself head first into the gauntlet that is running a small business.

What did I learn from failing?

Maybe calling this a failure is a little dramatic. But at the end of the day, ReesaBoBeesa had become insolvent. And in many ways it still is 😂

I still had inventory, and jewelry boxes I’ve designed, and packing materials and a whole storage unit full of shelves and furniture and very specific little machines and tape and all manner of debris from running an art e-comm business all on your own with on the ground part time helpers. I brought my shop is back in full(ish) swing as of November 6th. Absolutely diabolical timing, I know. But my birthday was November 8th and I wanted to do it before then…and, well, gifting season is upon us. Ha!

As I mentioned above, bringing it back felt like the only option. I don’t have a fallback job, there is no freelance for a body positive illustrator out there that I’m personally aware of right now. And what’s more, I really, really love ReesaBoBeesa. I love designing beautiful things and figuring out how to get them made and how to package them. I love making dumb videos about those things in my room. I love that people buy my designs!

I’ve been running this business a few years now and despite the extreme bumps of 2024, it’s what has kept me and my cats and dog in sweaters. It’s what I know, it’s what I’m good at. And I am good at, and it means something, and the other shoe dropping actually confirmed that thank-you-very-much.

All told, I only really took four months “off”. But I have never done anything like that in my life before. I have never walked away from something but still left the door open…

And with that door still open, I was able to see things more clearly. I consulted with my other smart friends who are in similar fields. I saw things a bit more objectively. And I realized that doing every single thing myself was actually running a business on extra super duper fantastic hard mode. And did you know that a lot of other creative people who have their own brands or shops don’t do every single thing themselves?? A lot of them outsource. Quite a few of them actually have like a person behind the scenes who approaches them to start a brand and says, “hey, you are the face of this company. You will have the big picture design ideas and you’ll be a big part of executing them but…please for the love of god don’t touch the money or the books! You’re an artist, not a CFO!” - lmao can you imagine?!?

And while I’m still waiting for a nice CFO with great morals to walk up to me and whisper in my ear about taking away the financial and other logistic nightmare portions of running this business, I did find a great warehouse to help me with fulfillment and inventory management. One I can visit whenever I want. And with that sorted, I can do the rest of my business out of my house. This saves me soo much money. And allows me to be a little bit slower and more considered with my design calendar.

I am creating all of the designs for ReesaBoBeesa, assembling jewelry, packaging my items, photographing them, shooting video and whatever else it is I do all day to keep this shop running from my home office. I am also in charge of customer service. And completely alone in this room most of the time. 🙃

Is art just content now?

This may seem like a non sequitur. But another thing I found myself consumed by on my little failure hiatus was: am I okay with constantly making more stuff? If I’m not constantly making stuff to sell, what would that free me up for? And finally, how the f*ck would I finance that time to dilly dally? Can I afford to be an “artist”?

When you’ve become so used to giving away your art for free online, it’s kinda awkward to ask people to pay ya to see it. BUT HERE’S THE THING. We live in a landscape where art, music, ideas, poetry, style inspo, interior decorating, crafting etc (anything creative and human expression) has been transmuted into content instead of being both the medium and the message all tied into one. You know? Like, art and creativity in all forms is marketing now. And you need to have something to market. Or you won’t make money off your art. Only the people who make the phones and the apps will. And the people who are making robots and training them on your art will. And uhhh…I don’t like that.

For me, myself, I’ve been buying less and less stuff. This year, a lot of that is for financial reasons. But I also think I am becoming radicalized 😈 by merit of just trying to get by in a capitalist hellscape that does not care about anybody? Some days I just sit and ponder if my morals even align with designing and creating new objects to sell at all.

I think it’s important to be able to question these things. That’s how we get closer and closer to being the person we want to be and making the impact we want to make. For now, I am so grateful to have my shop back up and running. I have a new found understanding of how dope it is that I have always valued size-inclusivity and designing things with the intention of spreading self-love. And not in an oppressively positive way at that. Cause that’s not real. Like ReesaBoBeesa.com is really cool. It’s full of the kind of cool shit I needed to see in my teens and twenties!

AND I want to keep improving upon it, and find ways to keep creating that feel good. I want to let my shop and my career in general be completely art-led. And as an actual one-woman operation, there’s only so much I can and should manage at any given time. And that is why I, Reesa of ReesaBoBeesa, am proudly asking for just $7 a month for you to look at my words and pictures. Instead of just the free ones on Instagram or my portfolio 🤓 With your support, I plan to carve out more space for longer form projects, to dive deeper into my ideas and create things that I may not otherwise have the space for in this dog-eat-dog-rat-race-money-money-money-world. I want to share this journey with you and get vulnerable and messy. And honestly I just don’t feel safe doing that on Instagram or TikTok or anywhere else super public these days.

Thank you for supporting my work here so far. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my art practice this year, and this corner of the internet represents a new era of my career. One I am building consciously. Considering, for the first time really, how I want my output and work habits to fit into a full and sustainable way of life for myself. I want to morph this business and my career into something that is again about curiosity, and trying new things, and diving in deep. Not only for my own sanity and well-being, but because I think I can create more conscientious impact with my work this way.

Cheers to all our failures!

xoxo

Reesa

And a word of warning, be careful what you wish for. Cause you just might get it! 😭

If you’re new here, omg welcome! There’s five episodes of my bi-weekly web comic about Clarice and Tabitha posted for your viewing pleasure.

This also gives me space in your inbox to tell you all about my Black Friday - Cyber Monday sales. Which, incidentally will be extra special for my paid subs on Substack this year 👀 (I’m talking an extra 10% off and a day early)

If you’ve been thinking about supporting this comic, this artist (me!), and getting access to the five full episodes I’ve put out so far, as well as the three I have planned for December now would be a great time to upgrade your subscription.

You can also gift a Subscription to somebody else for the Holidays. Which I think would be a really cool, anti-consumerist present to receive.

Give a gift subscription

Clarice loves the ocean. She loves being in the water. It makes her feel like she doesn’t exist…but like in a good way. Like she doesn’t have a body. And that can be a nice break from feeling sometimes like all she is is a body.

I will be showing these original paintings at SPACE Art + Supply in Topanga next month, alongside extra large special edition prints of my digital art. The show opens December 7th. Save the date!