The road is dark and treacherous, and danger lurks everywhere. You are tired and terrified, stumbling along with no hope. You feel your feet slip on wet stones and your hands fly around to find purchase. Suddenly, you feel arms hold you upright. A thorn snags on our clothes and you feel the hysteria well up in your being. Soft hands loosen the snare, and you sigh in relief. A snarl comes from the foliage, and a horrible mangled face appears with bloody fangs exposed.

A shriek escapes your mouth, but the unseen hands push the monster back into the darkness. Soft whispers in your ear soothingly encourage you to move forward. “You are not alone, we are with you to protect you”. Suddenly, a golden light appears in the distance. You feel dread and hope in equal measure well up inside your torn heart. “We will reach the light, do not despair”, the words fill your mind. You wonder if you will make it to the light, so much darkness and pain surround you right now. You near the light while trying to walk without falling on the uneven path.

It seems so far to go, and you feel the helplessness enter your mind again. “Keep going,” the whispers urge you, “it is not far to go now.” Your foot hooks on a root and you feel your body pitch forward, but hands are there to stop your fall. The golden light brightens and, for a moment, hope soars in your heart. Your mind tells you it is just an illusion, like all other hopes that died in you. “Don’t give up, it is not far to go now,” the soothing voice tells you. Hope starts to well inside you and you walk faster, determined to make it. The light is right in front of you, and you can hear voices sing and praise the Universe.

The songs fill you with longing and wonder. As if you have taken a huge leap, you are in the light. The soft golden love of it enters your soul, mind, and body. You feel glorious acceptance and joy, and your face opens in a smile. You look around for the presence that brought you here but everyone is around you now. Angels with beautiful snow-white wings enfold you and chant the song of love. Your heart wants to burst with the love and joy you feel. The Spirit that is All is here and you are safe now. Peace has entered your mind and you know you are not alone.

The angels are around and guide you on your path. You know you will have to go back to reality, but for the moment, you wallow in the beauty of the moment. Never again will you feel alone and unloved, you know the place that awaits you and the guardians who safeguard your every step in life. The Great Spirit of creation will never leave you alone to suffer, no matter what your mind tells you. This life is but a moment to endure before eternity. The love, peace, and joy of the Universe await you at the end.

Namaste

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I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.

Emily Dickinson

I lost myself in the darkness
On a moonless night
Trying to outrun the pain

I stumbled through a dense forest
Hands out in the black night
Missing from my own life

I wandered off into hell
Without coherent thought
A soul forgotten by God

Nobody turned out to search 
Not knowing I was lost
My body performed as usual

Lanterns held high 
I roamed my nightmare
Searching for my beloved soul

I found her in the darkness
Wrapped her tight in my arms
Took her home to heal

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I want you so bad
Longing fills my being
Every desperate breath
Every racing heartbeat
Every atom of my body
Yearns for your presence

I want to feel the contours 
Of your face with my fingertips
Hear your voice call out my name
Husky with emotions

I need you so bad
To lose myself 
In the madness of love
If only for a moment
Only for a second
Let go of all inhibitions
Forget myself in your arms

You are unknown to me
I long to know your fears
Your impossible dreams
The roads you traveled
That broke you wide open

I want you so bad
Every feverish breath
Every soft flutter of my heart
Every vibrating atom of my being
Please find me…

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“Most people think that their memory operates like a video recorder, replaying events as they originally happened. But memories aren’t static and objective like a recording. Instead, they’re associative: our brains link together the relevant details of experiences to store and later recall.”

Erin Kendall Braun ’09GS, ’18GSAS, a cognitive neuroscientist and memory expert with a PhD in psychology, was interviewed by Julia Joy for Columbia Magazine, Why You Can’t Always Trust Your Memory, published 2025/2026. Why you can't always trust your memory

This reminded me of a drawing my son, Emile, made. I wanted to do a post about the disturbing images in his art book. I went through everything, and can’t find it. That made me wonder if my memory of it is real. Did I really see it, or did I imagine it? Emile died by hanging himself in a weeping willow tree next to a little stream. The picture I remember is a strange little creature with a noose around its neck. All the other drawings are still in his art book, the way I remember it, but not that one.

When I read this article by Julia Joy, I concluded that the way he died must have shaped that memory. Nobody would have removed any of his art, so I must have made a mistake.

My cousin and I were caught in the crossfire of an armed robbery in our mall. Her recall of the events differs slightly from mine. I remember crawling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. She remembers I stood in the middle of the store, laughing. They almost had to wrestle me to the floor, because I was frozen to the spot. The same event, but different memories of it.

I had a dream when I was 18 years old that I died in a car accident. At age 33, that really happened. I have no recollection of the accident, and I only remembered the dream after the accident. This makes me wonder if perhaps I remember the real event as a dream. The dream was precisely how the accident happened.

Now that I know I can’t trust my memories of events in my life, I wonder how many of them are false or distorted by other events.

Namaste

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― Alan Wilson Watts

Madness wants to overtake me
Waiting in the dusty road 
Dreams died in this place
Arid and stripped of beauty

The devil rides my back 
Whispering warm breath
In the shell of my ear
When the skin peels away

Blood blooms in flowers
On the cracked, dry gravel
Giving life to the unconscious
It spouts from the dead

Words form in the beating wings
A cacophony of crazy voices
Created by the imagination
Fall on the receiving page

Emotions too profound to name
Race from neurons to neurons
Sending messages of unmet desire
The body responds in confusion

The insanity that’s in control of the pen
Exposes the racing thoughts
Every chosen word that cannot be named
Find its place in fragile poetry

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Everybody knows
The masks are slipping
Evil is making a public appearance
It can’t be contained much longer

Everybody knows
They sold us out to the highest bidder
Power and greed play the leading role
In this farce they want us to believe

Everybody knows
Depravity dressed up as human
No crown can hide the grotesque 
Evil needs evil deeds

Everybody knows
We’ve been put under a spell
By their ritual incantations
Lies told and believed for centuries

Everybody knows 
Helel won’t be denied recognition
The obscene desires worship
Exposing the liars kneeling at his feet

Everybody knows
We are mesmerized by the debauchery
Their wicked ways slowly unveiled 
Mammon demands a sacrifice

Everybody knows
The fights are fixed, the outcomes rigged
The masks are slipping 
Everybody knows

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Make a crown of flowers
You're a queen, you know
Deserving of worship

Beautify your being 
With nature's abundance
A regal halo on your head

Colors of the cosmos 
To frame the masterpiece
The Universe created in you

Tender petals 
                   Fall like confetti
                                         From the crown
Of your head
                   Mother Nature adores you

Her sacred creation embodied
In every precious inch of you
Birthed from her holy womb

Braid a crown of flowers
For your cherished head

You're a queen, you know!




                                  

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“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
― Carl Jung

When you’ve fallen into the abyss

Where the demons battle over your soul

Your mind obliterated by insanity

Almost welcoming death’s ultimate call

~~

Tortured by soul-destroying anguish

Stripped to your core with madness

Where nothing makes any sense

Reaching for the raging fires of hell

~~

That is where you will find your soul

Where the spiritual journey starts

When you have been laid bare

On the altar of consciousness

~~

When you realize the veil between

This world and the next is ephemeral

Heaven isn’t a place to strive for

But present with sacred doors wide open

Namaste

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Flames lick at my toes as they stretch towards the heat
Shadows move between the trees, playing hide-and-seek

I hear my heart beating in the stillness
Like an ancient rhythmic drum in tune with the night

An owl hoots from the dark woods
A lonesome sound accentuated by the quiet

I wish you were here on this autumn night
To bid the last warmth of summer farewell

As the sickle moon drifts across the sky
Ethereal clouds obscure its silver glow

Stars flicker in the dark-blue night sky
Like candles lit by celestial hands 

Your name emblazoned on my heart
Embedded in its chambers for infinity

Far-off lightning flashes across the sky
Distant thunder rumbles as sleep claims me

The scene, set for magical dreams 
Where you dance me to the end of time

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Hope you enjoyed my photos!!

Namaste

The knowing of something unknown
That crawls through my thoughts
As if I’ve lived it before

My spirit holds truths
That is written on my bones
Knitted in my pulsing veins

Clarity in upside-down and
Inside-out moments 
Presence in the chaos

Feral ancient knowledge
Forms itself in darkness
Comes to unbearable light

My soul carries fragile wisdom
From the spirit world
Into my consciousness 

Secrets from the Cosmos
Engraved with stardust
Onto my beating heart

Unspoken truths 
Scrawled on my tender skin
With blood-red ink

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Christianity can really fuck us up. My father was an atheist, and when he died, I was terrified that he was in hell. I had crazy anxiety attacks because the thought of my papa burning in hell for all eternity drove me insane.

That’s how Christianity fucks us up. According to them, not many will go to heaven. After his death, I tried to commit suicide several times, and ended up in a mental asylum. The psychiatrist also thought I was crazy. He dosed me up on anti-psychotic medication. Thank God I survived that madness.

After my son died by suicide, I didn’t want to land up in a mental institution again. Every therapist or psychologist I visited had to answer one question. Did they think my son was in hell for taking his own life? If they answered that they didn’t know, I was out the door. I didn’t want to listen to a Christian judge him, while trying to help me.

During a Catholic silent retreat, I visited with the bishop for advice. He assured me that my son and father weren’t in hell or limbo or whatever they wanted me to believe. He was the only Christian whose God wasn’t vengeful.

When I was a child, I thought I was going to hell one day, because that’s what I was told. I even had a dream of Jesus coming to earth on a cloud and refused to take me with him. Can you imagine how indoctrinated I was, that I dreamt of Jesus coming to tell me I was too evil to go to heaven?

The Christian God is a vengeful, jealous, and crazy old white man. Sitting on his throne, judging all of us. I can’t worship that image. It goes against everything I know in my heart.

My spiritual path started when my son, Emile, died by suicide. All the hateful rhetoric by Christianity meant nothing to me. The pain of his death broke me wide open, and God touched my being with love. I started seeing everything completely different. Dewdrops on grass, the birds singing, sunrises and sunsets, lightning and thunder, were God speaking to me.

Churches are not my places of worship. The ocean, mountains, rivers, all of nature, are my cathedrals. Birdsong, my hymns of praise. God is not in my heart, I am in the heart of God. We aren’t going to hell, we are going to heaven. All of us, sinners, are loved.

Namaste

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(Image artist Omalik)

“This is my letter to the world

That never wrote to me.”

― Emily Dickinson

You stood by when my life fell apart
You never said a word
You saw me struggling 
But you closed your doors

Judgement was all you could muster
You pointed your finger with glee
From your throne of righteousness
Altruism is only practiced in church

First, do no harm
With drugs you dish out like candy
“Just take your medication”
While my life spiraled out of control

Death walked me home several times
Patiently wiping my tears 
Not yet, not yet
A few more lessons to learn

Mother Nature healed my destruction
When you turned away in disgust
Touching my soul with sacred love
Empathy and unconditional acceptance

I only feel pity for you now
Ignorant as you are of mercy
I pray you never walk in my shoes
And need that mercy from others

Namaste

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You drag the world with you
On your quest for worship
No matter the hearts you take
Displaced by your selfish desires

They made a home in your dress
Mad with need for your presence
Placate the power you hold 
In your lying pious hands

The golden wind upon your haughty head
Urge them to bow before your wishes
It carries glittering diamonds
Each of which weighs a thousand tons

Sirens softly croon a melancholic song
From the deep blue of the ocean
Your gypsy heart refuses its mesmerizing call
The unknown pulls stronger than destiny

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(Image artist Tammy L. Gross

Your worth is more than you imagine
More than precious metals and stones
You are a vital piece of this puzzle of life

You may think you don’t have a purpose
But being alive is your purpose
Being present every day in whatever circumstance

You were deemed worthy of this human experience
That’s why you were chosen
To live this precious life

Your struggles are lessons to learn from
Experience to help others survive 
A similar agonizing path

Pain breaks us open
For the light to fill us
To become a beacon for others

Even the beggar on the sidewalk
Has a purpose to teach us
The meaning of divine love

You are unique and wonderfully made
Nobody can ever replace you 
Your presence in life is significant

Your worth is measured by 
How much love you hold

Namaste 

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My imagination always hovers 
On the fringes of the dark and macabre
Madness lurks in every pattern

The ordinary quickly turns into terror
When my thoughts have free rein
To create with crazy abandon

A candy floss bunny in the sky
Turns into a mechanical jaw
With ragged teeth clamping shut

Hollow eyes stare through branches
Leaves form sunken cheeks
Evil lurks behind the shadows

I flirt with the wicked 
That waits beneath the surface
Where it broods a storm

Dark shadows hide monsters
That grows with every crazy thought
Barely contained in my mind

Wicked words fall onto the pages
Splashing drops of blood 
Flowing over the margins of sanity

Into the black abyss 
Waiting with a gaping maw
To swallow me whole 

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Rocks on your back
That doesn’t belong to you
Picked up along the way

Every negative word
From careless lips
Another rock finds a place

Shame is the biggest burden
A lie we innocently believe
Carried far longer than needed

We harbor guilt closely
A boulder treasured like a baby
Nursing it with vigilance

Fear starts as a pebble
Growing with every cut
To a crushing monolith 

Each loss adds another weight
We desperately cling to
Our eyes blind to blessings

All these rocks we collect
Guarding it closely 
Will one day kill us 

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- William Blake

Fractions of life become reality
Exaggerated by madness
One lone bee signals an angry hive
Disturbed and roaring to attack

A face turned away with indifference
Makes a martyr tortured
By its own nightmares
Rejected and lesser than

Every obstacle grows in stature
Till it resembles a mountain
Augmented by imagination
Insurmountable it looms

Time drags to infinity 
The road never-ending 
It stretches and grows
Each frame a disillusionment

The disturbed mind alters
What is perceived to be
Failure magnifies a hundredfold
The end is never in sight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A buzzing bee signifies abundance
Spreading life on its journey
Honey sweetens the bitter
Nature provides unreservedly

Rejection furthers resolve
Continued effort with courage
Strength renewed in faith
Never losing sight of the goal

Mountains transform
Into magnificent beauty
Immobile for centuries
Its vastness awe-inspiring 

The journey that stretches out
Becomes the scenic route
Pockets of beauty and miracles
Warrant worship and surrender

The altered eye alters reality
From calamity to opportunity
Reverence from agony
Life, sacred and precious

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A wonderful, beautiful angel was sent by God from heaven to grace my life for almost 21 years.

He suffered on earth to teach me unconditional love, unbearable pain, compassion, and being humble before the Almighty Power of the All that is in All.

He came to teach me that every person on earth has a place in the puzzle of life. That nothing happens without God’s hand in it.

He taught me patience, empathy, and sympathy for the plight of others.

He showed me that I was stronger than I could ever have imagined. That God truly won’t give us a cross we can’t carry to the end.

That special angel was my son Emile, who left me by taking his own life, to force me to go into the deepest darkest places of myself and find the reason for my life here on earth.

He sparkled like a diamond in my life and was allowed by God to return to Heaven to fulfil my life’s destiny.

This is a testament to the joy and love Emile gave me, the smiles and laughter he brought into my life.

The beautiful, unconditional love he always showed me, the steadfast way he lived his life, with resolve to make it a great life.

Through pain and suffering, he lived to enrich my life.

And the tragic way he left, made me realize my own worth in the Universe. To force me to open my eyes to the way I am supposed to live.

To see the beauty of life and the joy it can bring me by giving of myself and opening my heart to the voice of God.

I salute you, Emile. You are my inspiration to be everything I can be, and I will do it in your honor.

May my beautiful angel always watch over me, and be there for me when it is my time to go to the other side, to receive me with his arms wide open and be proud of the things I have done.

I thank God for sending that special angel of his and let him be in my life for the time he had here to teach me all.

Namaste

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(Image artist Tammy L Gross)

An offering to the goddesses 
From the female to the feminine
Bring forth the power that lies
Within all women
Take up your weapons
Courage, resilience, and strength

Fill us with fire that burns forever
Protect us against evil
We are the life-giving force
Not the weaker sex, as preached
When you strike a woman, you strike a rock
We will stand against injustice

We offer our crafts as sacrifices
No blood will be spilled to pacify
The demons roaring at the gates
We offer love and compassion
Don’t let the masculine tempt fate
To mistake our kindness for weakness

When the day comes for us to unite
We will form an unbreachable mountain
The power of every goddess will annihilate the evil
The wicked will be defeated and burn in hell
Our children will not be led to slaughter
Fall on your own sword of greed and lies

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