🚨News & Announcements

Are you a voracious reader of Queer Substack writers? Do you Like, Comment, Restack and Engage generously with the Queer community of newsletter creators?

Qstack wants YOU! We are looking for an Associate Editor.
Message MTF for more info.

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🙉 Did you hear? is publishing a monthly poetry drop starting in June for Pride, edited by , and is NOW OPEN for submissions!

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And Remember: On October 17th, is producing a Queer Slam with the theme “Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are!”

All writers on Substack who identify as queer, trans (male and female), gay, lesbian, nonbinary, and any other way you define yourself that falls within the Q-Zone, come tell your Coming Out story. And Allies? Come support us as audience members.

Sign up at this LINK, or DM Nan to find out more.

Also on June 20th, join Live in conversation with Open Secrets’ , discussing the experience of writing after the loss of her queer adoptive son, Renly Nicholas Chu. Tiffany and Ren’s collaborative book of short stories, The Constellation of Forgotten Things, is a poetic and hypnotic meditation-in-fantasy filled with gorgeous prose, steeped in love, loss, and regret. The chapters have the added bonus of personal notes describing the germination of the stories, and the process of finishing the collection after Ren’s untimely death in May, 2021.

⭐ There’s still time to get a free Advanced Review Copy (ARC) of my new novel, Waterspout. Click HERE and no need to wait for release day, July 14th. ~ MTF

As one reader put it: “A queer book by a queer author about queer kink—I know what I'm buying with my next paycheck...” 🩵💛💙

BIG THANKS AND WELCOME
to the newest supporting member of Qstack!

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Got a big announcement, an article or event, a special offer, a new book published?
Message MTF

You can also Post about it in the Qstack Chat!

Let's Chat!

⭐Qstack Recommends

The Artist’s Woo

A companion piece to last Monday’s “The Queer Creation Manifesto” from MTF’s personal newsletter, , discussing the many pitfalls of trying to be a creative, and finding a deeper motivation than “bestselling.”

Jacob Tobia offers a roadmap to being better people

“In Before They Were Men, the author and activist explains that it’s possible to harness everything that men love about themselves—including their anger—for good.”
Thanks to for pointing us to this Jacob Tobia Audible interview he helped edit last year. Also check out Jerry’s related post: More Masculinity on the Mind

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Welcome to Ask a Queer Coach, the Qstack monthly feature where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on questions from Qstack community about sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Have a question you wish you could ask a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions for consideration. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

Greetings, Qstack! This month’s quandary was submitted by (she/her), author of The Passionate Writer, a brilliant Substack focusing on wellbeing as part of the writing journey. Thank you, Tali, for submitting the following question for our collective reflection and dissection:

In a world that embraces labels and clear-cut definitions, how can I explain all that I am in plain language to others, if I don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle clear to myself yet? When I say I’m pan and genderfluid, some people ask what it means. I have no issue explaining being pan, but gender fluidity is harder to explain, especially the fact that sometimes I feel genderless. I wonder if I should keep this to myself until I have the right words... But do we ever find the right words?

These are such great questions, right on time for Pride month. The queer universe is diverse, vibrant and dynamic. As individuals, we’re not static, and as a community, we are not a monolith. Our beloved rainbow is, alas, but a starting point and a symbol. Its limited color palette comes nowhere near representing the multiverse of queer identities. How can we possibly come up with words to convey the subtleties and brilliance of our light? I have thoughts to offer, of course. And as always, please take what you like and leave the rest.

The Elephants in the Room: Complexity and Nuance

Before digging into Tali’s question, I think it might be helpful to name some of the nuanced reality we rarely hear mentioned when people rail against the emergence of yet another queer identity label (or pride flag)1. Here’s just a small smattering of that complexity:

• Every conceivable experience and expression of gender and sexuality has probably existed for as long as there have been humans. Just because something hasn’t been named doesn’t mean it hasn’t existed.

• Our intrinsic sense of gender and/or sexuality might organically shift. This is true not just for openly queer folx. This is true for humans (and plenty of other species, too).

• As Tali aptly noted, we live in “a world that embraces labels and clear-cut definitions.” In fact, we live in a world where we’re often given no option but to identify using limited categories centering the gender binary and cis-hetero normativity.

Delineating Circumstances and Beliefs, Tools and Needs

Rarely can we change systemic or societal circumstances such as the realities of homophobia or transphobia; however, we can more often shift how we think about and relate to such intractable circumstances. If I were with Tali in person, I’d try to evoke awareness about the thoughts and beliefs buried in her questions. Why does it feel important to explain her identities to others? What is she hoping will come of explaining herself?

Any authentic response from Tali would be the perfect answer. Really. Because any and all of her reason(s) would point to the underlying need(s) she’s trying to meet for herself.

For example, Tali might believe that a well-crafted explanation would help clarify her self-concept and/or increase her sense of authentic self-expression. Authenticity and self-expression are universal human needs in and of themselves. Alternately, she might point to reasons like cultural belonging; finding/building community; or making societal or cultural change2. Some of the possible needs I hear there include structure, stability, acknowledgement, connection, equality, respect, and empowerment.

It’s important to remember that language and labels aren’t inherently good nor bad. They’re simply tools, or strategies, we might employ in trying to meet our needs. Well-wrought language could be an effective tool or strategy to meet some of Tali’s potential needs. But the language isn’t the need itself.

Distinguishing our needs from the tools and strategies we hope will meet them opens up creative problem-solving space. It empowers us to brainstorm alternate tools and strategies, should we find our first choices out of reach. There are almost always more ways than one (and sometimes many) to meet a need.

Here’s another important caveat to consider about language and labels. Like most tools or strategies, they can be misused and/or weaponized. Language and labels are all too often used — sometimes unconsciously and sometimes deliberately — to pigeon-hole, stereotype, or pathologize. Left unchecked, our apprehension about this kind of misuse has the power to keep us perpetually closeted.

Clarifying our Own Definitions

Let’s zero in on another part of Tali’s question that relates to staying hidden:

I wonder if I should keep this to myself until I have the right words…

Again, if I were coaching Tali in person, I’d want to ask some questions to get at her underlying beliefs: What does “right” mean to her here? And how might she recognize the “right” words? Would confirmation of this “rightness” come from someone or something outside of her, or would it be some sort of internal indication, like physical sensation or emotion? Without clarity about these specifics, it’s difficult (maybe even impossible) to unpack her following question:

But do we ever find the right words?

Oh, how I feel this question. I really do. Most all of us have been conditioned to make calculated choices based on predictions of rightness/wrongness or goodness/badness, without questioning what makes something “right” or “wrong,” “good” or “bad.” We may also hesitate to question who gets to make those value judgments or what criteria they’re using to get there.

This is a high-stress, high-drama game, with very high stakes. This game disregards the aforementioned nuance and complexity and always ends with a “winner” and a “loser.” But as Queer folx, when we play this game with our identities, we lose every time, because the rules favor cis-heteronormativity. Society tells us in a million different ways that queer identities are wrong, bad, or at the very least, not central. And it’s unlikely that society will become queer-centric anytime soon (indeed, we are experiencing greater marginalization than we have in decades).

All of that being what it is, my hunch is that our perception of “rightness” is directly proportional to the sturdiness of our subjective belief in who we are and who we say ourselves to be at any given moment. In other words, true “rightness” is an inside job. But inside jobs need not be done in isolation. In fact, they’re done with greater ease and efficacy when we resource ourselves with community and sometimes professional supports.

Integrity, Agency and Boundaries

On that note, let’s circle back to one last piece of Tali’s question:

how can I explain all that I am in plain language to others, if I don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle clear to myself yet?

Let me cut to the chase: I don’t think we can. We can only honestly convey our current level of understanding about a thing, including our identities. Anything beyond that requires that we guess or perhaps embrace ill-fitting language or force ourselves to settle for a false or contrived identity. While none of those options are the end of the world (and can, in fact, be an organic part of a process of becoming), chances are that any of them might leave us feeling disempowered, disingenuous, demoralized or all of the above.

Perhaps the real question might be this:

Tali’s words suggest to me that one thing she’s feeling clear about is not yet feeling clear about all the pieces of her identity. The way I see it, at least a couple of viable possibilities emerge from that clarity. One might be to state that she’s in a process of discovery about it. Another might be simply to forgo trying to explain herself at all, and instead setting a kind but clear boundary around answering something personal.

Before we wrap things up, I want to offer a bit more about boundaries. We have the right to set internal and external boundaries that help us feel emotionally safe. This might mean telling the anxious parts of ourselves who feel we need to conform that it’s safe to stay silent. Or, as I said above, this might require us to stand our ground with inquisitive outsiders about keeping such information private for personal reasons. The key idea here is that unless we’re legally compelled otherwise, we get to choose what we tell, and to whom we tell it. And that keeps us rooted in our integrity and agency.

Summing it All Up

Okay. Let’s regroup and break this down into a few takeaways:

1. We can’t often change societal or systemic circumstances, but we can shift the way we think about and relate to them.

2. Distinguishing between our needs and strategies opens space for us to think more creatively and flexibly about how to meet our needs.

3. Understanding our own definitions and familiarizing ourself with the ways in which we recognize what’s true for us is essential for making informed, aligned choices.

4. Making informed, aligned choices and setting healthy emotional boundaries keeps us fastened to a sense of power and agency.

What do you think, Qstack? Have you navigated something similar to Tali’s situation? What wisdom emerged from your experience? Comment below. And if this resonated for you, give me a thumbs up!

Keith Aron (he/they) writes Big Blue Sky Dragonfly, a Substack about finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity. He’s a trans and queer transformational coach, writer, erstwhile Jack of all trades, proudly witchy weirdo, and honorary tree. Find him at keitharon.com.

Big Blue Sky Dragonfly

Finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity.

By Keith Aron

This year, International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia (IDAHOBIT), observed annually on May 17, also saw the publication of Rainbow Advocacy Press’s new anthology:

Steps to Liberation: The Rainbow Flag, Human Rights & Freedom.

With contributions from creators in Africa, Asia, Europe, and the Americas, it’s a shared human rights narrative which encompasses personal stories, reflections, poetry—and a manifesto, from (reprinted below) because of course I was just looking for an excuse to write one.

“The voices gathered in these pages reflect a living history still unfolding — artists, activists, clergy, organizers, cultural leaders, community builders, and everyday people whose lives have been shaped by the ongoing pursuit of dignity and liberation. Together, these reflections reveal something larger than symbolism alone: they reveal humanity.”1 —John D. Boswell, Rainbow Advocacy Press

Proceeds support Rainbow Advocacy’s Troy Perry Legacy Fund & Grants, providing direct support to LGBTQ people, communities, and artists working under conditions of vulnerability and risk.

BUY Steps to Liberation

Qstack applauds the efforts of Rainbow Advocacy’s non-profit mission to advance the LGBTQIA+ Pride movement worldwide through the Arts & Advocacy programs, the Troy Perry Legacy Awards, Troy Perry Legacy Grants, and other projects. For more information, visit their website.

Rainbow Advocacy / OurPride

The Queer Creation Manifesto

by Troy Ford

Queer people must make Art.

Art is not the answer to your prayers. Art is the prayer.

Set words to paper, paint to canvas, shape to clay, images to film, notes to instruments.

What happens in that moment when you listen and receive ideas from the ether, your unconscious, the infinite?

Potential becomes reality.

Making is finding that potential within the invisible world of your heart and mind, and giving birth to expression, ideas, voice, beauty, and community.

Being queer demands we imagine a different world for ourselves.

Art is the ground in which that new world is planted and nurtured.

The blood-soaked world imposed on us usurps agency — disenfranchises, marginalizes, and traumatizes our people. We proclaim it fundamentally unequal and unjust.

While the patriarchy strips our humanity and shovels our value into the pit of ravenous ego, Art is Resistance.

No amount of power, money, or fame increases our value as human beings. We are always and forever a numinous One, the same as every other being. Every One equal to each.

True progress is not merely growth: more money, more people, more broken attitudes and predatory methods — an endless assembly line of new consumers and manufactured insecurity fed into the gaping maw of fear.

When the definitions are written only by and for certain people, those left out of the equation reimagine the terms of the problem and connect with others doing the same.

True progress means better, not simply bigger. True progress requires imagination.

So Art is a pathway for people who no longer accept the rules or traditions of the prevailing culture. Art opposes winner-take-all and might-is-right. Art empowers the powerless.

We nurture this limitless resource rather than a stale inventory of ideas.

Through Art, we question gender, love, relationships, and family. We test them in our lived experience.

Who says you must fight another man rather than love and adore him?

Not I, says the gay man.

Who says you need a man to live your life at all?

Not I, says the lesbian.

Who says identity requires romance or sex?

Not I, says the aroace.

Who says you can only be male or female?

Not I, says the nonbinary and intersex and Two-Spirit.

Who says a family starts and ends with two people of the opposite sex?

Not us, say the trans, bisexual, polyamorous parents raising children in loving, safe, and wholesome homes.

To keep yourself and your loved ones and neighbors and all people everywhere safe;

To live a full and productive life;

To be strong and courageous —

Be still and listen to your wellspring of creativity.

By making, Artists embody the infinite potential which belongs to all beings, a resource vast and inexhaustible. Art is an ever-renewable abundance for all.

Seek your agency! Imagine, create, make!

Art feeds all souls.

Art lives in intimate communion with the cosmos.

Art invites the infinite to emerge in your consciousness. Art centers your personal Unity and our Community.

Art is Becoming.

Art is Transforming.

Art is Liberation — an independence of spirit.

Accept its gifts and share generously with your fellow queers!

Art needs us as much as we need it!

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🚨News & Announcements

⭐ There’s still time to get in on a free Advanced Review Copy (ARC) of my new novel, Waterspout. Click HERE and no need to wait for release day, July 14th ~ MTF 🩵💛💙

Our Allen and friends and at the are Seeking Submissions of fiction and poetry that touch on the themes of their namesake, Edgar Allen Poe, including: Death, Loss, Grief, Suffering, Hate, Melancholy, Love, The Human Condition, Madness, Despair, Impermanence, Uncertainty, the Subconscious Self, Gothic Atmosphere, Superstition, and of course, Potatoes. 🥔💛🥔

The Poe-tato Writing Collective

A publication with a committment to highlighting stories and poems from our community, through the lens of Edgar Allan Poe-tato.

By V. Walker | Poet

Coming June 4th—’s The Queer Bookshelf…!

CONGRATULATIONS to on being appointed to the Board of Q-Lit - Connecting, Empowering & Showcasing LGBTQIA+ writers and storytellers across Australia with:

• local writing groups, writing retreats, and festivals that unite the community,

• webinars, workshops, and masterclasses to help them achieve their goals,

• sharing their work with the wider community so that LGBTQIA+ stories are accessible to all.

For more information, click HERE. Well done, Orlando!

Q-Lit Naarm Festival 2025 brought queer stories to life across Melbourne’s inner suburbs with a week-long celebration of words, community, and creativity. Over 7 days in 7 venues, the festival featured 14 events showcasing 91 writers and welcomed 1,556 guests to panels, performances, and playful gatherings, making it our biggest and boldest festival yet.

Love gardening? Live in the South? ’s Secrets of Southern Gardening: Pro Tips for Success is for you.

BIG THANKS AND WELCOME
to the newest supporting members of Qstack!

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who writes two spectacular newsletters, and referred Qstack to a friend recently. - Thank you so much, KB! ⭐⭐⭐

(Remember folks, you can get listed in the Directory by referring new subscribers!)

Trans News That Doesn't Suck

Your weekly dose of pro-trans news!

By KB Brookins

Out Of This World

monthly writerly tips & KB updates!

By KB Brookins

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is a “Queer paranormal fantasy & romance author” just getting started on Substack. Welcome, Inka!⭐⭐⭐

13 Club

Inka York's regular 13 Club newsletter for paranormal fantasy book news, weird superstitions, reader questions, and tongue-in-cheek Life Advice from the Dead. Subscribe now, and I'll send you a copy of The Cursed Bones of Sergeant Boom!

By Inka York 🌈

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whose “Conversations with ChatGPT” are searching for the ghost in the machine. Welcome, Jxck! ⭐⭐⭐

JXCK's Substack

My personal Substack

By JXCK SXWYER

Got a big announcement, an article or event, a special offer, a new book published?
Message MTF or

You can also Post about it in the Qstack Chat!

Let's Chat!

⭐Qstack Recommends

⭐ Curious about the Movement Advancement Project mentioned in this episode? Amazing LGBTQ+ Equality and Democracy maps and data—Here you go!

Why I ❤️ Lily and Dunkin by Donna Gephart

Qstack friend and queer ally ’s review of the middle grade classic book, Lily and Dunkin, which explores trans identity and bipolar disorder, is also a meditation on her own child’s gender journey.

Gin and Sympathy

’s serialized novel about a young woman who follows her heart to the wrong side of the rainbow. Chapter 1 starts with the heartrending kindergarten encounter between young Dorothy Abramson and the little boy diva she is fated to admire—Dana of the perfectly manicured nails.

The Big Blue Sky Dragonfly Soars High For Self-Discovery!

Two of our favorite Substackers—the vivacious Wyatt O’Brian Evans of and our resident Coach —get down to it in this wide-ranging interview.

The Trans/Autism Overlap

April was Autism Acceptance Month, and wrote a helpful post on the oft-mentioned overlap between transness and autism. As he often does, Will writes this piece through the lenses of both his personal connection to the subject, and also as a scientist. He debunks some common misconceptions with well-researched citations in a way that’s readily accessible.

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Introducing the Qstack Hero Project

So you’ve been meaning to properly introduce yourself on Substack, but you’ve been having so much fun posting you never quite got around to it.

“About” pages are tucked a click away—nobody reads them, why bother? Indeed.

But somewhere in the back of your mind you can’t quite shake the feeling maybe you should put your best foot forward and just tell folks who you are.

Yes! Just do it! And conveniently, this is your moment.

What the hell is a “Hero Post”?

In Substack lore, a Hero Post is your “start here” post—the one that says:

Hi, I’m the person behind this. Here’s what I write. Here’s what I care about. Here’s why you might want to stick around and subscribe.

More than a bio or résumé—it’s your origin story + voice + invitation all in one place.

Some people even title it “Start Here” and pin it to the top of their homepage.

Think of it as opening your front door, welcoming people into your little slice of Substack real estate, and giving them the house tour. You’re the Hero of this story—don’t be afraid to flex a little.

Why it matters

Most of us skip this step, which means new readers land on our Substack and have no idea where to begin. Your writing exists, but visitors and subscribers don’t really know the YOU behind the posts and might not fully connect to you and your mission.

A Hero Post fixes that.

It helps people understand your voice quickly, feel connected to you as a human, and (hopefully) decide to Subscribe.

And honestly, it also helps you clarify what you’re doing here.

Why we’re doing this for Pride

We’ve revamped Qstack since the beginning of the year to be more focused on the writers of Substack through cross-posting and funneling views onto your work.

But rather than try to super-charge Pride with more posts (3-4 per week seems like plenty), we want to do a community event that also helps you connect more with your own subscribers and new readers.

Pride is about visibility, voice, and saying: This is who I am, and I am here.

This is your moment to show up as:

• a queer writer

• a questioning writer

• a messy writer

• a joyful, angry, horny, grieving, brilliant writer

Any, all, or none of the above—everything and everyone counts!

So here’s the plan

We’ve created a ready-to-use Hero Post template for you, and given you plenty of time to think about it, get it ready, and schedule it for Pride.

All you have to do:

1. Copy it.

2. Paste it into a new Substack post.

3. Fill in your answers (don’t overthink it).

4. Schedule your Hero Post for any time in June to celebrate Pride Month.

That’s it.

Then what happens?

The footer of the Hero template includes a tag for and Qstack embedded in it. As long as you include one or both in your post—

We’ll find you and restack your Hero Posts throughout Pride Month to the 12K Subscribers and Followers in the Qstack network.

Get really creative, and we might be able to cross-post some of you!

Which means:
👉 More visibility
👉 More readers
👉 More community connections

And also: a genuinely beautiful snapshot of who’s here and what we’re all about.

A gentle note

You can be incomplete, evolving, and contradictory. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You can also write a new hero post in a month, or a year—new subscribers since your last one will appreciate the personal touch.

Ready?

Your Hero Post is waiting.

Introduce yourself to the world. We want to meet you.

Copy and paste these questions into your own post.
Fill in the blanks, or use them as a springboard for a Hero Post you design yourself.
Include the tag for MTF and Qstack at the end of your post so we’ll be notified, or reach out by DM so we can read and restack.
Also reach out if you have any questions about formatting or anything else.
❤️🍊💛💚💙💜🩷🩵🤎🖤🩶

INSERT PICTURE HERE
(This can be you, or your cat, a cartoon of yourself, whatever you like—but remember that subscribers are more likely to connect to a pic of a real live human.)

Hello, my name is:

I’m based in:
(City/country or “the internet” counts!)

I publish:
(What’s the name of your newsletter or main project/s?)

I write about:
(Go nuts - be as descriptive as you can about your subject, interests, and narrative hook!)

I started writing when:
(Your origin story.)

I’ve been publishing my newsletter since:

I wanted to start sharing my work publicly because:
(Was there a turning point when writing became important to you?)

Share

Personality & Flavor

• Describe your writing vibe in three words.

• What’s a “hot take” you have about writing, publishing, or Substack?

• What are you currently obsessed with? (Book, show, idea, etc.)

• If your Substack were a place, what would it be?

Queerness & Identity

• How does your queer identity shape your writing (if it does)?

• What does Pride mean to you personally?

• Have you ever struggled to express your identity in your work?

• What do you wish more people understood about queer voices?

Your Writing Life

• What does your writing routine look like (if you have one)?

• What kind of stories or topics are you most drawn to?

• What are you trying to explore or understand through your writing?

• What’s something you’ve written that you’re especially proud of?

Community & Connection

• What kind of readers do you hope to reach?

• What does being part of a queer writing community mean to you?

• How can people support you right now? (Subscribe, share, etc.)

The Forward Look

• What are you working on next?

• What’s a dream you have for your writing life?

• Where can people find you?

Add-Ons

• Do you have special sections, offers, a podcast or other important features you want people to know about? Add links here, or at the top of your post for ease of access.

• Links to all your socials, websites or other projects.

• 1–2 links to favorite pieces.

Paste the links, and choose small, medium, or large display. Like this:

And Remember

Add a Subscribe and Share button at the top, in the middle, and/or at the bottom to give people a nudge.

Subscribe now

The Qstack Hero Project is a Pride Month celebration of the amazing and diverse queer writers and creators of Substack, sponsored by .

Qstack | The LGBTQIA+ Community of Substacks

Qstack ❤️🍊💛💚💙💜🩷🩵🤎🖤🩶 | The LGBTQQIP2SA+ Community, Directory & Platform on Substack - Sharing the BEST of queer newsletter creators direct to your inbox.

By Mr. Troy Ford

🚨News & Announcements

This Queer Book Saved My Life podcast with discussing Carol by Patricia Highsmith

“Another podcast in which I lose my train of thought, lose my point, while speaking about the nostalgia of cigarettes smoked and the significance of moving from two twin beds to one double bed.”

CONGRATULATIONS to on the paperback release of their memoir, Pretty, a Lambda Literary Award Winner for Transgender Nonfiction…!

From ’s Incision Press:

“Incision Press’ third short story anthology, from queer and trans perspectives, will bring out the salacious monster lurking inside. The kind who slithers into your bed, dripping with demonic heat — cosmic, sexy, and playful. You’ll find your new passion for the erotic monstrous in these pages.”

What a line-up for the Mothers & Daughters edition!

BIG THANKS AND WELCOME
to the newest supporting members of Qstack!

❤️🍊💛💚💙💜🩷🩵🤎🖤🩶

writes - “One suitcase, one partner, no home and no car. MY WAY OF LIVING IS MY ART” - and we love the all-in on life as art. Welcome Rutie! ⭐⭐⭐

Queer Notes

Queer travelling journey, one day at a time

By Rutie Stern

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of is a “Media producer, writer, neurodivergent, old gay” who has been “Noticing interesting things since 1974.” Check out essays, fiction, and a podcast about uncovering the rules of storytelling. Welcome Neil! ⭐⭐⭐

The Pegasus Post

Every genre has rules. Break them before they break you.

By Neil Chapman

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Got a big announcement, an article or event, a special offer, a new book published?
Message MTF or

You can also Post about it in the Qstack Chat!

Let's Chat!

⭐Qstack Recommends

Tinted: When a Photo is a Painting

’s Brag Book has been on a working sabbatical recently but roared back last week with this hilarious and touching mini-exhibition of hand-tinted photographs from yesteryear. Of special note: “My Edward” and the gender-reveal party.

Seventy-Two and You and The Ancient Ways

Treat yourself to the poetry of from with the two poems linked above. Troy’s been on a bit of a hiatus—“This world is too heavy for my heart, so I needed to step away and let it spin without me”—and also grieving the loss of his precious dog, Tala. ⭐🐶💛 We’re looking forward to more of his beautiful poems in 2026.

Lost in Apalachicola

’s guest post for is a personal essay about how getting lost in the woods in Florida (of all places, for a queer person ... dear goddess!) led them to some soul searching. Lindsey’s first book, (Out) On the Road, was released yesterday by Ig Publishing. Congratulations!!!

Raindrops on Roses, Whiskers on Kittens

We always enjoy ’s new moon posts in The Practice of Life, and you may have already guessed that April’s springboards off "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music into ideas for how we can resource ourselves during these times of heightened anxiety and exhaustion. Gardening and Turkish Eggs? Yes, please!

Why Gay Men Can't Stop Scanning the Room Even When They're Safe

An incisive piece from of about the insidious, self-feeding (and often cannibalizing!) mechanism of hypervigilance in relationships. Gino also pulls no punches about self-honesty and self-responsibility.

Fear: The Fears that Follow Trans People

A real, raw and relatable post by Summer Dylan of about the myriad of fears that can bookend a decision to transition ... and sometimes keep trans identity permanently closeted.

Where we find more lesbian joy

from ’s piece celebratesd Lesbian Visibility Day (April 26th) by honoring lesbian joy and lifting up lesbian voices with work from , , , , and .

This One's for the Ladies

Also on point for Lesbian Visibility Day, of does a deep-dive photo essay on the choreography and music of Florence & The Machine's "Everybody Scream" tour, and the reasons why the band has such a strong LGBTQIA+ (and especially lesbian) base.

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Welcome to Ask a Queer Coach, the Qstack monthly feature where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on questions from Qstack community about sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Have a question you wish you could ask a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions for consideration. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

Greetings, Qstack! I hope this finds y’all well as can be at this moment in history. Our global queer community continues to be on the receiving end of the firehose of fuckery, and this month’s question is right on time. Let’s get into it.

April’s quandary comes from , author of Transcer, an amazing Substack chronicling his audacious, inspiring experiences of surviving cancer while trans. Thank you, Ash, for submitting these pithy nuggets for collective reflection and dissection:

We’re living at a time when so many people are in fear and pain. Especially in the queer community (BIPOC queers even more so). Trans and gender expansive people are watching their rights disappear each week it seems. Sometimes each day.

For those in the acute pain of survival mode, watching others enjoy life can create resentment. On the other hand, even if they’re not experiencing joy themselves, those in survival mode may not appreciate being the excuse or reason someone didn’t celebrate or acknowledge the good in their lives.

The world needs to see queer joy, and we need to share the good things or we will drown in a sea of despair. Joy, celebration, and “good” can’t be tamped down. It’s resistance. It’s our history. It’s pride.

So, my questions are…how do we — or can we, in the times we’re in — share our joy without hurting or offending those in our community who are in pain? And if we can’t, how do we mitigate the harm?

I love-hate these questions, Ash. I hate the reality you’ve so eloquently named, and I love the careful consideration you’ve given the complexities of that reality. I also love your heartfelt wish to do no harm to yourself or others and how relatable these questions and wishes are.

If you were here with us last month, you might recall there was a fair amount of focus on both/and-ness. Life, in all its lifey-ness, is nothing if not full of both/and, and I hear a lot of this in Ash’s questions, too. After sitting with these conundrums, I’ve both got a few thoughts and an invitation:

Clean vs Dirty Pain and the Projection of Shame

We probably all agree that even under the best of circumstances, life carries some ouch. Humans come pre-assembled with pain receptors, and some amount of pain is inevitable, even for the most privileged of the privileged. Right now however, queer folx — particularly who identify as BIPOC — are undeniably targets of calculated oppression and cruelty. The related injuries and consequential losses are real, and they are many. Full stop.

Those indisputably legit injuries and losses create what psychology sometimes calls “clean” pain - the unavoidable pain (emotional, spiritual, mental and sometimes physical) that arises organically and consequentially from injury and loss.

Clean pain is no fun. But it subsides and eventually passes. “Dirty” pain is a different story. This is the suffering that comes from negative narratives we create (or someone else creates and we take on) about the causes and conditions of injury and loss. We might judge our situation, shame or blame ourselves for it, futurize it, or create some other anxious, angsty story about it. These narratives layer additional misery onto the already-significant base of clean pain, and we tend to ruminate on them until they solidify into pseudo-reality.

Ash’s scenario lends itself to narratives with disloyalty and survivor’s guilt as central themes. I can also imagine all sorts of other speculative grist about this scenario we could easily run through the anticipatory worry mill. What if our joy rubs salt in their wounds? What if it plunges them into a black hole of compare and despair from which there is no return? What if it pisses them off, and they lash out, withdraw, or ghost us entirely?

What-ifs like this don’t crop up in a vacuum. They’re very often rooted in painful past experiences and/or internalized cultural messaging that romanticizes extreme loyalty and self-sacrifice and shames us for centering our own experience. “Self-centered” as a term gets a very bad cultural rap, indeed. There’s an implication that such a person is selfish and indifferent to the experiences of others. But centering our own experience in a non-narcissistic way simply means prioritizing the integrity of our wholeness — our emotions, our needs, our knowing — which then allows us to care for others in a healthier, more helpful way. We’ll touch more on this below.

Insidious shame is inherent in so many of our painful narratives. Because shame feels so caustic, most of us are masterful at suppressing it. It lurks undetected, as does our tendency to project it onto others. This kind of projection can lead us to feel like others are shaming us for our joy, whether they truly are or not. It can also fuel a belief that others experience shame about themselves or their circumstances when we expose our joy. Such projection sets us up to reactively mask our joy so as to protect ourselves, the other — or both — from the existential threat some part of us associates with shame.

Pinning down these dirty pain narratives before they pin us down requires we pay close attention to our own emotions, thoughts, and sensations. The body, with its constant biofeedback, stands ready to help us. Heaviness or exhaustion unrelated to physical exertion, injury, illness or any sort of exogenous substance are two of the most common ways in which the body tries to alert us to dirty pain.

The Awfulness of Aloneness and Skillful Empathy

So we’ve established that some amount of pain is part of being human. But why, sometimes, does it feel so utterly devastating and damn near unbearable? I think the answer relates directly to how alone we feel with our pain. When we don’t have adequate support around the emotional challenge of hardships, “hard” turns into something more toxic and traumatic. And when that happens, we reflexively armor against our emotions. Including — perhaps especially — joy.

Fortunately, there’s tremendous power in bearing witness for those in the grips of struggle. When we bring compassionate, nonjudgmental presence to their experience, it acts as an antidote to the toxic trauma of aloneness. When we listen with the intent to understand, rather than to fix or “figure things out,” we implicitly acknowledge and affirm reality for those we witness.

This is different than taking on emotional burdens. When we’re overly porous, it’s easy to lose our emotions in the emotional storms of others. This is why, paradoxically, it behooves us to stay self-centered. We have to know where we leave off and others begin in order to hang onto our joy and allow others to feel and express their emotions.

On the flipside of masking our joy is a temptation to pull or push someone out of their emotions by “cheering them up” with our joy overflow. This impulse can be intense — particularly in a culture that tends to favor positivity and pathologize anything else. But when we bypass, minimize or deny the grief, frustration, or anxiety that naturally accompanies struggle, we’re essentially gaslighting the person we’re trying to help and deepening their sense of aloneness and trauma.

When we’re able to practice skillful empathy, we have greater capacity to act as true accomplices and stand alongside those whose rights are being eroded. We find ourselves sturdy enough to fight their fight as though it were our own — without abandoning our own emotional experience.

The Trap of Mutual Exclusivity

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that two seemingly contradictory emotions can’t co-exist. For example, we may have a belief that grief and joy are mutually exclusive, or that one needs to be quarantined from the other.

Yet life is teeming with seeming contradictions, polarities and inconsistencies. More often than not, when we spot-check ourselves in any given moment, we’re feeling many different things all at once. This doesn’t make us bad or wrong or unbalanced; it makes us human. As Walt Whitman famously said, we contain multitudes.

Ash is absolutely right. Feeling and expressing joy is necessary, both personally and collectively. Joy is one of the primary emotions present at birth. So are sadness, anger, and fear. We’re meant to feel — and express — all of it. When we suppress rather than express, we risk serious health consequences, up to and including premature death. And that plays right into the hands of those trying to erase us. Allowing and expressing joy is a powerful act of resistance.

That said, there’s some amount of art to the timing of our emotional expression. If we see that someone is obviously in the grips of struggle, it makes sense to acknowledge their situation before outwardly expressing our joy. Otherwise, as we’ve said, we run the risk of coming off as bright-siding and increasing their sense of aloneness.

Bless the Mess…and Also Repair

At the risk of overkill, I’m going to say it again: pain is part of life. So is mess. There’s just no getting around it. In order to deeply feel any of our emotions, we have to feel all of them. And in order to move from merely surviving into thriving, we have to make space for the messiness and complexity of of it all. We have to bless the mess.

Speaking of mess, chances are we won’t always attune to others perfectly. Sometimes our timing will be off, and our empathy won’t be pitch-perfect. That, too, is part of being human. The good news of that bad news is that when we know we’ve made a misstep, we can acknowledge that, too, and try again. A little good faith repair goes a long way.

Lastly, a reframe for openly expressing our joy. When we freely both express our joy and honor the struggles of others (and our own, too!), we model wholeness. We also plant seeds of possibility and signal to our relational ecosystems — inside and out — that it’s safe to feel and express the full, wild, wonderful range of human emotion.

Summing it All Up

Whew. I’ve said a lot here. Thanks for hanging with me. Let’s recap. Here’s the prescription, as I see it:

1. Stay aware of dirty pain narratives around joy. Pay special attention to the amplification and projection of shame rooted in those narratives.

2. Center yourself in your own experience and stay in the both/and.

3. Practice skillful empathy and trust in the power of the compassionate witness.

4. Be an accomplice to the extent you’re able and repair when you’ve stepped in it.

5. Bless the mess.

What do you think, Qstack? Have you navigated something similar to Ash’s situation? What wisdom emerged from your experience? Comment below. And if this resonated for you, give me a thumbs up!

Keith Aron (he/they) writes Big Blue Sky Dragonfly, a Substack about finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity. He’s a trans and queer transformational coach, writer, erstwhile Jack of all trades, proudly witchy weirdo, and honorary tree. Find him at keitharon.com.

Big Blue Sky Dragonfly

Finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity.

By Keith Aron

🚨News & Announcements

CONGRATULATIONS! to on the publication of Hurricane Lessons: A memoir of betrayal and becoming. And catch her on yesterday’s episode of to celebrate with and .

In case you missed the link in Qstack Chat last week:

“Building Queer Community” by in Publishers Weekly is a great round-up of recent books on the subject of identity and community-building, including work by , , , , , and . Click banner/link below to buy any of the selections.

and their new Nonbinary Memoir—Bachelorx—was featured on the Gaily Show, the only daily LGBTQ radio news and talk show in the U.S. Check out their episode HERE. And purchase their book HERE.

Listen HERE to a podcast episode of This Queer Book Saved My Life with —author of the upcoming book No Fats, No Fems: A Guide to Queer Empathy and Unpacking Prejudice—as he talks with host John Parker about The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs, PhD.

From the This Queer Book page:

Max Hovey is a London-based writer, creator, and queer advocate. He dedicates his platform to sparking discussions about and promoting body acceptance, sex positivity, mental health awareness, and other topics relating to LGBTQIA+ issues. No Fats, No Fems: A Guide to Queer Empathy and Unpacking Prejudice is his first book (comes out May 19, 2026).

Through brave individual stories and compassionate analysis, The Velvet Rage explores how shame is insidious, and can be traced back to childhood feelings of “otherness”. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, The Velvet Rage offers a path to emotional well-being and an end to self-defeating behavior.

The paperback of ’s memoir Hotshot is coming! PRE-ORDER HERE. “The paperback debuts on May 12th, and includes some revised material, plus a book club guide. Pre-ordering it will signal to my publisher that people want to buy it!”

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is a “Trans husband, dad, writer, artist, philosopher, and Tarot reader who talks to dead people (and spirits of all kinds).” Delighted to have you in the Qstack community, Hawth! ⭐⭐⭐

Geology of the Soul

Your body is a dashboard of information. When was the last time you actually honored what it told you?

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The QLP Book Club: Mac Crane’s ‘A Sharp Endless Need’

“It’s been nearly a year since we hosted our first QLP Book Club. Over that time I’ve been thrilled to talk to so many talented authors about their novels and how they intersected with various topics of queer love. But I have to admit, I was disappointed that I hadn’t yet had the opportunity to focus on female-bodied desire. So I was thrilled to have author as our latest selection.” — (The Queer Love Project)

Signs of Life

A beautiful post by illustrating the healing power of natural beauty and the way in which grief organically moves through its own seasons, in its own time.

The Stages of Grieving

's post reflecting on (and reworking) Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's 1969 book On Death and Dying is moving, inspiring and relevant, particularly because Michael addresses the additional complexities that grief carries for queer community.

Nine Inch Nails Belongs in the LGBTQ+ Music Canon

From the 2025 archive: makes a compelling, surround-sound case for why ultra-masculine Trent Reznor and NiN belong in the queer music canon.

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Have a question for a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions to the Qstack monthly feature, Ask a Queer Coach, where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

🚨News & Announcements

Save the Date! ’s A Sharp Endless Need on ’s QLP Book Club

Probably couldn’t live without our white noise recordings (or Q-Tips), but there’s nothing quite so jangling as the blood-curdling screams of a Hero Wars ad on YouTube right in the middle of your Om Mani and your Padme Hum.

Try the White Noise streaming page at wnoise.org - you can also download 60-minute versions and play them on a loop for bedtime.

Sanity saved. ☑️

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Qstack Digest 04/08/26

Hexing the Patriarchy: The Art of W.I.T.C.H., 1968+

From of Rebel Yell Creative, an episode of The Art of Resistance Podcast devoted to the radical women’s activist group W.I.T.C.H. (Women International Terrorist Conspiracy from Hell)—deliciously campy and serious as a heart attack. Also check out Amy’s How-To resistance library of downloads, reading, and resources.

What Hormones Really Did to My Body

—the first openly trans elected official in Tennessee (she serves on Nashville's Metropolitan Council, goddess bless her)—started a Substack just this week and has published a few posts already. This one is a personal take on how HRT affected her personally, with some surprises in the mix. Olivia also has a pretty fascinating personal story: a US veteran who saw combat in Desert Storm and transitioned in her mid-50's, then became the first openly trans elected official in a verrry RED state. Super gutsy.

The Only One He Knows

of ’s remarks upon his induction into the South Carolina Authors Academy plucked at our heartstrings. For queer people, impostor syndrome can easily take the shape of doubt about whether we're queer "enough." Jenks highlights the rewards of holding onto belief in your own identity and your own words despite the static of naysaying from the outside—one of which is that you never know whose heart you might change by hanging in there.

Op-Ed: Princeton Kicked a Trans Runner Off the Track. Now Athletes Are Organizing A Boycott

’s op-ed for on a call to boycott the top two track invitationals at Princeton this spring by trans track athletes. Sadly, Princeton's decision to remove an athlete from competition solely on the basis of her trans identity is nothing new, but it's illustrative of the dangerous escalation of anti-trans policies that institutions are taking in capitulation to the Trump administration.

Ben Egerman on queer archives, a little gay and trans history, preserving generational memory

From ’s Queer Love Project and —a fun conversation about queer archives, zines, and researching local queer history (including horse theft as gender-affirming care).

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Have a question for a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions to the Qstack monthly feature, Ask a Queer Coach, where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

🚨News & Announcements

’s new Nonbinary Memoir—Bachelorx—comes out on April 1st (preorders available HERE) with a review by The Rewilded Anthropologist, our :

Read more in this article on Fringe Mag:
New nonbinary memoir ‘Bachelorx’ explores queer love, dating, and neurodiversity

Qstack friend and adorable sorceress of Spirit Connections is offering an At Home with Magic Pack to interested parties—we don’t know about you, but we’ve got Big Need for Sanctuary at the mo, and we grabbed ours with both hands - Link HERE. 🌟✨💞✨🌟

“At Home with Magic invites you to explore the relationship between Magic and home, transforming your living space into a sanctuary of Spirit. Whether you see home as a physical place or an inner sense of rootedness, this pack helps you weave Magic into both. Through rituals, protective blessings, and creative practices, you’ll learn how to partner with house spirits, create sacred spaces, and bring intentional magic into every room.”

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Building the Noble Ruin

On survival, eros, art, and the scaffolding of resilience.

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Transcer: The audacity to have cancer while trans

My personal Substack

By Ash Davidson

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Qstack Digest 03/11/26

The Stuff of Living

This is one of those pieces that could make you laugh out loud, weep, or both. Anyone who’s confronted the conundrum of what to do with decades-worth of their aging parents’ clutter will likely feel seen by this post. manages to capture both the gallows humor of the purported “golden years” and the tenderness of the slow goodbye to declining parents (and their stuff).

I Didn't Change My Documents to Deceive Anyone

Another great post by of Queer Resilience, in which he handily debunks the rhetoric about trans people updating their identification documents to deceive for nefarious purposes. Updating documents is, for many trans people, a matter of safety and survival ... and it increases safety for everyone.

A Homestead Waking Up

We enjoyed this post from of Cold Antler Farm as an antidote to the oppressively heavy news. It's a delightful, beautifully written reflection on how spring snuck up on Jenna's small farm this past week.

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Welcome to Ask a Queer Coach, the Qstack monthly feature where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on questions from Qstack community about sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Have a question you wish you could ask a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions for consideration. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

Greetings, Qstack! I hope y’all are finding some sweetness amongst the sour during this terrible time of so much worldwide suffering. Add to that my heartfelt wish that you’re maintaining a workable pH balance of sorts between the both/and.

This month’s quandary comes from , author of the Substacks Messy Reinvention and Silent Horrors. Thank you, Waymon, for submitting the following question for our collective reflection and dissection:

I’m realizing a lot of what people liked about me was how easy I was to digest.

Funny. Palatable. Non-threatening.

The “good” gay. The inspiring deaf guy. The version that made people comfortable.

Now that I’m showing up more honestly, the energy is different. And I actually like that.

But there’s still a part of me that grieves how easy it was to be loved when I was performing.

How do you grieve that without turning yourself back into something consumable?

Well. Talk about “both/and” (I hear no small amount of both/and in Waymon’s question)! All change requires letting go of some sort, and in the letting go, there will be loss. This is the case even when it’s “good change.” Even when we’ve longed for it. Even when we like what it yields and feel we made the right choice. Even then, still there is loss. And with loss, comes grief. Waymon’s loss and grief are both very real and very relatable.

So, how do we make space for the inevitable grief that accompanies change? How do we do that without letting it push us back into our old ways of being/believing/doing? I have a few thoughts to offer, along with the following evergreen invitation:

Setting the Stage: Cultural Conditioning

Before we dig in, I want to acknowledge the likelihood that most of us have been conditioned to process our thoughts through the warped machinery commonly known as all-or-nothing thinking. In the simplest of terms, this mechanism filters all things onto either this side of a binary or that, then adds a dollop of value judgment on top. Either something is this, or it’s that. Therefore, we feel either this way or that about it, because it’s either some version of right/good or wrong/bad. It’s a space hog of a cognitive distortion that leaves no room for nuance or contradiction.

Many of us have also been conditioned to react, rather than respond, to our emotions. We’ve gotten the idea that it’s not enough to simply feel them — we must do something about them — and the faster, the better. We’ve learned by cultural osmosis to greet our more challenging emotions with doubt and mistrust, to deny or minimize their existence, wield them as weapons, fix them, or shut them down altogether. Yikes, yikes, yikes, and yikes, with an extra shot of yikes.

So, it’s not surprising that Waymon feels apprehensive about entertaining grief’s arrival. My hunch is that he may be seeing this grief through the aforementioned distortion of the either/or lens, where he has only two choices. Say “yes” either to grief or to showing up honestly. There is no clear path to having it both ways.

Ferocity and Fragility. Both/And (again)

Implicit in this particular distortion is a sneaky little paradox. Waymon’s grief both holds more than its fair share of power and at the same time, it’s fragile. It seems to both have the power to potentially tip him over backwards, and yet it lacks the sturdiness to co-exist with authentic honesty. It may help to picture this tension as a tantruming toddler. What better model of simultaneous ferocity and fragility?

Would Waymon’s grief be appeased — maybe even disappear — if he were to revert to his old self? Probably not for long. Think about that toddler again. They might be temporarily distracted and placated by a toy, but not soothed at the roots as they would by the presence of a sturdy attachment figure. I suspect Waymon’s grief might quiet for a moment, but would then simply hop over and buckle itself into the loss of his authenticity. Grief doesn’t just go away on its own, nor can we silence it with some sort of hush money. And if we bury it, we bury it alive. It needs presence and support to truly settle. Just like the toddler.

So back to Waymon’s question. How might he feel/express/support his grief safely, without stepping backwards? How can he circumvent self-abandonment?

Safety and Comfort. Similar, but Different

Before we turn to solution, let’s chat about an important distinction. Comfort is not the same as safety. Nor is discomfort necessarily dangerous. Feeling grief can be quite uncomfortable. It can also be inconvenient and/or messy, because it slows us down. And that’s frowned upon in a culture that centers efficiency, productivity and positivity. That doesn’t mean it’s unsafe, though. Grief related to unresolved trauma is a different kind of animal — and for that, my suggestion would be to work with a skilled therapist.

In addition to feeling uncomfortable, processing grief can also use quite a lot of resources. So it makes sense to prepare and plan for this. Just as we might for any event we knew would demand a lot from us. We do ourselves a favor when we get curious about the kinds of “fuel” and supports we need to see us through such an event. For instance, maybe we need to set aside some dedicated grieving and recovery time. Maybe we need a support crew or accountability buddy. Maybe we need extra hugs or a compassionate witness who won’t minimize, shame or try to “fix” us.

Looking Under the Hood

After Waymon supports his grief and feels well-resourced again, he might also want to investigate whether it has any additional wisdom to offer about his needs. All our emotions are cues and signals meant to tell us how adequately (or inadequately) our basic human needs are being met.

It’s really up to Waymon to make his own call as to what his un-or-under-met needs might be in this scenario. But since I see a clue in his question, I’ll speculate. Here’s the clue:

But there’s still a part of me that grieves how easy it was to be loved when I was performing

From Waymon’s use of the word “easy,” I’ll deduce that a need for ease might be clamoring to be met more fully. “Ease” here might be roughly synonymous with peace, flow, harmony, or even freedom.

Here’s another thing about needs. Our needs are never “wrong” or “bad.” In a sense, they’re not even personal, because they’re universal to all human beings (although they fluctuate in terms of importance as our circumstances change). They really just are what they are, and our job is to meet them as wisely as we best can. What becomes problematic sometimes is that our strategy for meeting one need might cause us to neglect — or even abandon entirely — another.

Might there be a different strategy that could help Waymon meet his need for ease? I’d wager there are probably at least a handful of others. And they might look nothing at all like his old go-to, performing. Not even remotely, which is tricky for the brain. Finding an alternate strategy, or combination of strategies to provide a “good enough” level of ease might take both patience and a little experimentation. It will probably also be well worth Waymon’s effort.

Lastly, Waymon is only part of the equation here. If the people with whom he’s choosing to interact aren’t able to accept him when he shows up honestly, that’s helpful information for him to have. Painful, but helpful. In fact, it’s critical information for healthy discernment about his relational investments.

The Secret Sauce Recipe

Let’s sum it up here. To review, Waymon asked how he might grieve how easy it was to be loved when he was performing — without turning himself back into something consumable.

Here’s my recipe for the secret sauce:

1. Hold compassionate space for the discomfort/inconvenience/messiness of the grief. Witness its “tantrum” without trying to fix it, knowing that the storm will pass.

2. Refuel and recover.

3. Check under the hood for any un-or-under-met needs.

4. Evaluate current and alternate strategies for meeting those needs.

5. Adjust/adapt strategies for better balance across the universe of needs.

What do you think, Qstack? Have you navigated something similar to Waymon’s situation? What wisdom emerged from your experience? Comment below. And if this resonated for you, give me a thumbs up!

Keith Aron (he/they) writes Big Blue Sky Dragonfly, a Substack about finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity. He’s a trans and queer transformational coach, writer, erstwhile Jack of all trades, proudly witchy weirdo, and honorary tree. Find him at keitharon.com.

Big Blue Sky Dragonfly

Finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity.

By Keith Aron

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Have a question for a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions to the Qstack monthly feature, Ask a Queer Coach, where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

🚨News & Announcements

'How to Plan a Novel' Writing Group: Sundays in May with MTF

Join indie author for an informal writing group this May to work through Reedsy Learning’s How to Plan a Novel course and talk about the lessons and your next (first?) novel. More details HERE.

Qstack friend was interviewed on the We ❤️ Mom Jokes podcast with hosts and Smita Venkat. »»» LINK

These two funny women are brilliant, irreverent, and insightful, crème de la crème, and this episode is chock-full of their best stuff. Our conversational romp meandered between Barbie's feet, parenting fails (kicked out of a church on Christmas!), the dreaded salad spinner, and stories about Lalita's and my journey with the book we worked on together, Boyhood Reimagined.

(Special note re: the bit about the Skipper doll with breast crank…!?!)

Our of has a hot take on Outrage: How to Fight for LGBTQ+ Lives by over on TikTok.

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of
of Transformation Collective Space
of LIGHT YEARS: fiction...but also true!
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You can also Post about it in the Qstack Chat!

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Qstack Digest 03/11/26

, and have generously provided a full replay of last month’s Wham! Bam! Thank you! Slam! Check it out!

Are you Ready? Am I?

What comes up when we ask ourselves vulnerable questions about what we need to understand/do/be/interrogate so that we feel like we’ve shown up the way we wanted to in this lifetime? ’s short, tender piece about "taking sombre stock" of ourselves is a heartfelt answer to some of these questions, revealing a nuanced distinction: opening the door to the heart is one thing, but keeping it open is quite another.

An Interview With Sci-fi & Dystopian Writer Tasha He.

from interviews Tasha He, author of Caenogenesis, the introductory book in a trilogy about a post-apocalyptic world featuring a corrupt and controlling government. Proceeds from the novel, which will debut April 14th, will benefit Disenfranchised Writers' Voices, a nonprofit Tasha founded to support low-income and disabled writers. We thought this was a cute interview lifting up the voice of a queer activist who holds multiple intersectional identities.

“I WRITE BECAUSE...” By Troy Ford

A "baker's dozen" of questions in search of 12 + 1 answers, courtesy of . Thanks for the invite! 🩵 —MTF

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Have a question for a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions to the Qstack monthly feature, Ask a Queer Coach, where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

🚨News & Announcements

is a queer magical realism coming-of-age novel by Gon Vas, originally serialized on Substack. “The Turkey,” the opening chapter of eXis Vol. 1, won First Prize in Substack’s Writer’s Contest (Spanish edition). The first print edition launches with a collectible run of 50 copies, plus an unpublished chapter and additional material, including author notes and an explanation of the soundtrack that accompanies the story.

After a profound loss, a young man begins to read signs outside the real.
Along the way, he uncovers a shared story: the one you had forgotten.

Read eXis: readexis.substack.com/p/part-1-andreas
Book giveaway: readexis.substack.com/p/do-you-want-to-win-the-printed-edition

Portrait of Pride—a user-generated film through Crowdsorcery—has released a teaser reel, and is seeking additional contributors from the Qstack community to include in the project with an expected release in Pride Month, 2026.

Don’t delay! We know you have something on your phones!

No moment is too small. No words need to be spoken: show us what Pride looks like.

Quiet moments like self-care rituals, time with partners and loved ones, and life out-loud.

Louder moments like coming out, standing at the altar, or marching in a Pride parade.

To submit, visit crowdsorcery.io/pride

is back after a fall on Christmas Eve - Glad you are OK, and looking forward to many more episodes from you and !

PRISM—“Well-being isn’t simple - and our stories aren’t either”—is a newsletter devoted to honest, intimate takes on the whole array of health issues—physical, mental, and social. With such notable Substack contributors as—

• of (“Intimacy is the kink I didn’t see coming: What Heated Rivalry taught Rebecca Woolf about wanting more”)

• of Mental Hellth (“In order to get happy, I had to get cringe - And come out as a Soup Queer”)

• of (“Clawing out from a data-driven shame spiral: Turns out the metrics won’t save you”)

• and (“Don’t fall in love with your robot: What OnlyFans and AI have in common”)

—they are always looking for pitches from new writers. LINK to PITCH FORM

PITCH US
If your idea is personal, fearless, and a little off-center, send it our way.
Prism publishes personal takes that explore well-being. We go for honest, accessible, and entertaining storytelling that dives into corners most people avoid.

WELCOME to Anne-Marie Zanzal—the —as the newest supporting member of Qstack - so glad to have you with us! Anne-Marie writes the Coming Out & Beyond Coaching newsletter, “a tender, honest space for queer folks—especially those coming out or questioning later in life—who are navigating identity, relationships, faith, grief, motherhood, and the quiet longing for a life that finally fits.”
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Coming Out & Beyond - Midlife Truth & What's Next

A compassionate exploration of Queerness, midlife truth, faith, grief, desire, and the ongoing work of becoming.

By Coming Out Coach

Got a big announcement, an article or event, a special offer, a new book published?
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Qstack Digest 02/25/26

A Love Song that Honors the Gifts of Transness

For Valentine's Day, re-published a post reflecting on "Always," a song written and performed by Beverly ("Glenn") Glenn-Copeland—who came out as trans in the 1990s and was diagnosed with dementia a couple years ago—with his long-time creative and romantic partner, Elizabeth Glenn-Copeland, and electronic musician/composer Time Wharp. As Sebastian notes, "Always" is an intimate love song between Elizabeth and Glenn, but it's also a love song to trans people. The track is part of TRANSA, an inspiring compilation of collaborations between 100 artists across the spectrum of sexual and gender identities that celebrates transness "and what trans people offer the world."

A Letter to a Friend

’s correspondence with a young friend in Brazil takes us back to the old days of pen pals by snail mail, reaching across the world to someone we have not—and may never—meet in person. It’s such a sweet and intimate exchange, reminding us that some of our best writing is addressed to just a single reader.

UR Cute

Another letter to a young friend, this one from of about the power of love, and how making ourselves vulnerable might hurt us but is also essential to access some of the deepest parts of love and our humanity.

Whoring Up A Storm

We were tickled pink to stumble upon the podcast — and —who endearingly skewer everyone and everything they bloody well feel like, including the new movie Pillion, Prince Albert piercings, dildoes, and Pam Bondi.

How the American Healthcare System Arose

Drawing from Paul Starr's book, The Social Transformation of American Medicine, of breaks down the history of how healthcare in America evolved into the complicated system it is today. Emily does an amazing job at explaining how we went from a hodge-podge of domestic medicine, physicians and lay-healers to an intricate web of corporate medicine, big insurance and government bureaucracy.

RIP Self-Optimization Culture

This post from (author of the gay divorce memoir, How To Burn Down a Rainbow) is worth the click for the “swing project” alone (not what you’re thinking—even better 😜), but also gives voice to something many of us are feeling. More Undividing, more caring, less perfectly structured time and lives, yes please!

LIGHT YEARS - Episode 1: The Oxford Hotel

LIGHT YEARS is an autobiographical fiction trilogy by spanning twenty years of life - from age thirty to age fifty. It's called "Fiction...but also true" because that's exactly what it is. “I've changed names. I've condensed timelines. I've taken the chaotic, messy, beautiful tragedy of real life and given it the shape and structure of fiction.”

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Welcome to Ask a Queer Coach, the Qstack monthly feature where Transformational Coach and Associate Editor Keith Aron gives his best coachy take on questions from the Qstack community about sticky, scratchy or sludgy life situations. Have a question you wish you could ask a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, community or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit your questions for consideration. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

Welcome to the inaugural installation of Ask a Queer Coach! Before diving in today, I want to say a big thank you to Pavini Moray, author of the brilliant Glitter Joyride Substack. Pavini got the ball rolling this month with the following:

I have recently returned to the US after a very extended stay in India. The air, while clean with blue skies, seems infused with fear. How do I protect my shanti when the environment I am in is suffused with cortisol vibes? How do I stay openhearted and connect with others when their nervous systems are jacked by the political climate? What is the relational cost for trying to stay clear of fear while my comrades are swimming in it? (And yes, I get my tremendous privilege in having the ability to leave, but it doesn’t change my experience of not knowing how to relate right now.)

OUCH. I felt these questions hammer hard as hailstones on the heart. Even though I’ve not had to grapple with the re-entry shock of landing in America’s socio-political cesspool after prolonged spiritual cultivation in a sacred setting, I still found Pavini’s dilemma damn relatable. So many of us — myself very much included — are feeling challenged to remain both serene and relational whilst in the midst of the category five stress cyclone of these times.

Let’s break down Pavini’s situation, one question at a time, in the spirit of “take what you like and leave the rest!” If something I say resonates, great. And if it doesn’t, let it fly.

“How do I protect my shanti when the environment I am in is suffused with cortisol vibes?”

The first thing that comes up for me here is the well-worn metaphor of the oxygen mask. I picture Pavini returning to what appear to be crystal clear, clean skies. I picture them smiling and inhaling deeply as they prepare to deplane after such a long flight. Then I picture them coughing violently as noxious fear fumes fill their lungs. And finally? I picture them instinctively pulling down their emergency oxygen mask, strapping it on, and experiencing the sweet relief of clean, filtered air before all the peace they’ve cultivated in India disappears beneath the rubble of crumbling consciousness.

But how should Pavini — how should any of us — effectively “filter” fear out of the air we’re surrounded by 24x7? That I don’t have an easy answer for, because…well, because different strokes for different folx, really. The kind of filter that works best for me might be slightly (or entirely) different for you. My preferred filter is to be in the middle of the woods by myself, letting the trees uptake the “carbon” of fear. But you might “filter” best by going to an art exhibit, sparring in a boxing ring, or doing any number of other things.

Regardless of what each of our unique filters look like, they need to have the same functionality. They need to leave us breathing a little easier and feeling solidly connected to some source of “oxygen” (truth) that’s bigger than the fear. We may not intuitively nor immediately know what kind of filter will do that for us — figuring it out might involve some trial and error, and that’s okay. It’s something that’s absolutely figure-outable.

Once we’ve got our filtration system in place, we’ll to take more than just a few sips of air. We’ll more likely need to saturate ourselves in our “oxygen” of choice and maybe even bank some of it. This will help us to build both a sufficient level of immunity for the toxicity of fear and also adequate muscle memory around how to detox if/when we need to.

Times truly have changed, and we can no longer count on there being a plenitude of clean (enough) air available in the collective ether. But taking the time to supply our own “oxygen” can be challenging, because urgency is one of the molecules bonded to the fear vibe. We will have to take time that it seems like we don’t have in order to do this resourcing. It will be hard, and it can be done.

“How do I stay openhearted and connect with others when their nervous systems are jacked by the political climate?”

Such a great question. It’s pretty obvious that nervous systems en masse are understandably jacked by the current political climate. And as humans, we come outfitted with mirror neurons that predispose us to empathy. So when we observe others experiencing and expressing emotions and sensations, it’s in keeping with our biology that we automatically and involuntarily mirror those emotions and sensations.

This can feel like a bit of an ambush. We might enter an interaction regulated, resourced, and looking forward to connection only to find ourselves abruptly fritzed when confronted by the overwhelm and anxiety of the other(s). Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a “sleep” mode for mirror neurons — as long as we’re “on,” so are they. But fortunately, there are things we might do to disrupt an emotional takeover.

This brings me back to the stress cyclone I mentioned earlier. When we know a storm may be coming, we can prepare in advance. We can fasten to a sturdy anchor. Again, I see this as some kind of indestructible, or near-indestructible, truth or concept that’s bigger than the storm. Perhaps a spiritual tradition or practice, perhaps the spaciousness of nature, perhaps the solidity of our own bodies that keep on keeping on despite it all. Something constant that stands the tests of time and chaos.

We can also fasten our focus on the most basic daily needs of nervous system regulation. Because if we don’t meet these needs at the level of “good enough,” we easily lose our way in the storm. These basic dailies include:

1. breathing (this seems easy, but when fear strikes, we breathe shallowly, if at all)

2. getting adequate rest

3. feeding ourselves well, hydrating and remembering to use the bathroom regularly

4. keeping our bodies at a comfortable temperature

5. managing our sensory stimulation so we’re neither over-nor-under-whelmed

The last thing I’m thinking of here is a bit more nuanced. It may also land as counterintuitive, and maybe also counter to the way we’ve been socially conditioned. We can choose NOT to dive into the emotional vortex with our comrades and kin. When we dive in, either as a rescue maneuver or simply in a show of solidarity, we all but guarantee that the parts of our brains capable of creative problem-solving and optimizing collective resources will sink. And all our best energy will be diverted to the task of keeping our heads above water.

If, on the other hand, we stand on the terra firma of loving detachment and nervous system regulation, we have so many more choices about how to help. And chances are good that our comrades’ mirror neurons may begin to slowly reflect our calm back to us. Because mirror neurons work in that direction, too.

“What is the relational cost for trying to stay clear of fear while my comrades are swimming in it?”

Another great question. And another one without an easy answer, because there are so many moving parts at play — relatively few of which are under our control. We’re nearly always powerless over others’ reactions to our choices. No matter how well-intentioned or skillfully choreographed they may be.

So what exactly do we have control over in our relationships? The way I see it, this boils down mostly to our own choices. What we do or don’t say, what actions we take or don’t, and what limits we set or don’t.

When it comes to setting limits, I’ve found it helpful to think first about internal limits. Those I need to set inside myself in order to make me — my body and my mind — feel like a sanctuary from the chaos of the outside world. Such limits might look like me asking an inner critic to step aside when it’s telling me I’m not doing enough. Or reassuring an inner kid part that it won’t get in trouble for saying “no.”

This safety and trust on the inside tends to widen the lens of my perspective and translate into a greater ability to set healthy external boundaries. And the healthier my external boundaries, the healthier my connections are within my circles of belonging. In fact, the healthier my circles of belonging are, period. Healthy limits are like kryptonite for unhealthy groups - they just can’t tolerate them consistently, if at all.

To answer Pavini’s last question more directly, taking care of ourselves may cost us relationships with others who aren’t able to take care of themselves. Folx who are caught up in cycles of self-neglect or self-abuse — even big-hearted folx who are doing much good in the world — may not be able to make space for others to set healthy limits as an act of self-care. And that’s a real loss that needs to be grieved. But at the same time, when we steadfastly honor our own limits, we deepen intimacy and trust with ourselves. And we open space for new relationships with others whose capacities align with ours.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on these questions, Qstack. Have you navigated something similar? What wisdom emerged from your experience? Comment below.

Keith Aron (he/they) writes Big Blue Sky Dragonfly, a Substack about finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity. He’s a trans and queer transformational coach, writer, erstwhile Jack of all trades, proudly witchy weirdo, and honorary tree. Find him at keitharon.com.

Big Blue Sky Dragonfly

Finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity.

By Keith Aron

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Have a question you wish you could ask a queer coach—about identity, relationships, work, creativity, or becoming more yourself? We invite you to submit questions for Transformational Coach and Associate Editor ’s monthly Ask a Queer Coach column. Big crossroads or small stuck places welcome. Submissions can be anonymous. DM Keith directly.

🚨News & Announcements

CONGRATULATIONS to Wyatt O’Brian Evans of on the announcement of a publishing deal for his new book, Ruthless! from the “Nothing Can Tear Us Apart” series, with ’s Rainbow Advocacy Press

Wyatt’s fiction centers on the issue of Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse (IPV/A), of which he is a survivor, advocate, and public speaker. Ruthless! follows Shattered! (2023) from the same series, and will continue to explore the aftermath of IPV/A, homophobia, racism, and mental health issues within the relationship of a Black gay couple. Look for its release in August 2026!

Watch Wyatt’s recent interview with Rainbow Room Publishing.

will be at the AWP Conference & Bookfair in Baltimore, March 4-7th, 2026—are you going too?

The Association of Writers and Writing Programs (AWP) is the largest North American conference and marketplace for independent literary presses and journals, creative writing programs, writing conferences and centers, and literary arts organizations.

and will be sharing exhibitor space at the Bookfair with ’s , and will feature appearances and book signings from authors , , and Bronson Lemer.

They’re also partnering with Say Please: Kinky Poetry Reading for an off-site event featuring work by Jerry, Michael, and others.

For more details, check out their recent announcement:

The Queer Love Project Guide to AWP

did an episode of This Queer Book Saved My Life—the GLAAD Media Award-nominated podcast ranked #1 Best Queer Book Podcast at MillionPodcasts—to talk about James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room

Click the pic to listen to Michael’s take on this classic of queer literature, and to read more, check out the piece he wrote for ’s The Books We ❤️ Club in December.

Author has a new book AND a new novella available now

Bloodlines … “an ancestry test that unravels everything... the family secrets that should’ve stayed buried, the dawning horror of realizing your bloodline might be your curse.”

Encore … “a spicy second-chance romance novella. Think... a woman who swore off love meets a younger country singer who fumbles his bass guitar the moment he sees her.”

Click the pic for more info.

and ’s next story slam is Feburary 21st

Click the pic for more info!

Got a big announcement, an article or event, a special offer, a new book published?
Message MTF or ❤️🍊💛💚💙💜🩷🩵🤎🖤🩶

You can also Post about it in the Qstack Chat!

Let's Chat!

We hope you’ve been enjoying the new cross-posting format of Qstack—we’ve seen significant traffic, Likes, Restacks, and Comments for the writers whose work we’ve sent direct to your Inbox.

Thank you so much for your generosity!

We’ve limited the number of cross-posts each week to 2-3 in order not to inundate you, but there are so many great posts and articles coming out of Queer Substack we will also be providing links to even more in these bimonthly Qstack digest posts.

And so without further ado…

(…with extra special thanks to Qstack’s Associate Editor for sleuthing these out and the text of the blurbs!)

Qstack Digest 02/11/26

reflecting after 4 years on T

’s cartoon captures the poignancy and bigness of the decision to begin HRT, and the essay is hopeful and gently powerful in the way it claims the right to the full spectrum of a human emotional experience. Love saves the day, even the darkest ones.

Dave Chappelle Walked Away from $50 Million. Then He Cashed In on Our Pain.

’ deep dive on Dave Chappelle's anti-trans "jokes" weaves together so many important topical threads, like the fine line between humor and bullying, how greed and opportunism sometimes drive art, the devastation of betrayal within already-marginalized communities, and the ways in which Black masculinity and femininity have been (and are) both policed and commodified.

Want Less. Need More.

This piece by is a compelling exploration of the oft-confused nuances between what we think we need, what we actually need, and what we want. It begs us to get honest about how we use our time and how that's working for us. A very relatable object lesson in the power of choice.

A Sacred Obscenity

’s recent thought-provoking guest post by is a fascinating exploration of Guillermo del Toro's 2025 Netflix adaptation of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Forrest, in discussing their own process of coming to terms with their trans identity, makes a powerful case for Frankenstein as a metaphor not just for transness, but queerness and womanhood. They also highlight the fascinating possibility that Shelley created the original character in reaction to their own experience of queerness—and that del Toro has reimagined the character in an even more strikingly trans way.

Little Drummer Boy/Man

We loved ’s fun and inspiring snapshot of how, when we drop our skepticism and allow ourselves to try something that we may have avoided or even scorned, it can yield the most delightfully surprising results.

Can I survive my Orange Crush?

's honesty and humility about their obsessive desire for oranges in the relative fruit desert of their ashram experience made this episode deeply relatable, funny, and gently thought-provoking.

Best Pictures: It Happened One Night

is on a mission to watch every Best Picture winner at the Oscars and recently did a deep-dive on It Happened One Night, the 1935 Best Picture winner. It was fascinating to see the way in which tropes that appeared in this 1934 film are still used in rom-coms today. Rhiannon also gives mini-reviews of West Side Story (1961) and All Quiet on the Western Front (1930), both of which had fairly recent remakes. The look back at these nostalgic films felt like a balm for eyes sore from the barrage of hard news we're seeing in current times.

Surviving teen love triangle obsession as a closet lesbian

This playful post by looks at teen fangirl pop culture obsessions through the eyes of a girl trying to come to terms with her own identity as a lesbian and find a sense of belonging with her peers at the same time.

The Evolution of Qstack

Qstack is growing — not just in numbers, but in depth and reach. What began as a shared space for LGBTQQIP2SA+ writers and readers has become an expanding network of voices, collaborations, conversations, and mutual support.

We’re evolving, and we’re excited to introduce today a set of updates for how Qstack is edited, organized, and experienced.

As we continue the important work of amplifying and highlighting the queer creators of Substack and beyond, we will be able to serve even more great people for you to connect with, and writing, books, podcasts, and other media to enjoy.

A New Editorial Team Member

We’ve added a new Associate Editor & Community Coordinator -

Please join me in welcoming Keith, of the Big Blue Sky Dragonfly newsletter, who will be supporting editorial planning and outreach. Alongside this editorial work, he will be an active presence in the Qstack Chat, nurturing conversations and translating our discussions into thoughtful weekly prompts and content curation.

Hello Qstack community! I’m Keith (he/they), a trans and queer transformational coach, writer, erstwhile Jack of all trades, proudly witchy weirdo, and honorary tree. I’ve been lurking on Substack since October 2023, when I hatched Big Blue Sky Dragonfly, a Substack newsletter that lives at the intersection between belonging and authenticity. Not long after that, I joined the Qstack community, where I’ve been an occasional contributor and diehard fan ever since. I can’t believe how many inimitable creatives I’ve met here. Y’all have gotten me to cry, laugh, and ponder for days on end.

Outside Substack, my writing has been published in places like Hypertext Magazine, Still Point Arts Quarterly, Discretionary Love, and the International Human Rights Art Movement’s 2025 folio, “America’s Slide Towards Authoritarianism.”

As a coach, I support queer and trans folks and allies in finding and expressing their deepest selves. And that, in turn, helps them transform and weave every thread of their lives into a loose-fitting garment that looks and feels like it was tailor-made. I also support people through scratchy periods of transition, whether it’s related to identity, a loss, or some other major change. You can learn more about my work as a coach at keitharon.com.

Founding Editor

Meanwhile, it’s been a minute since I’ve mentioned my own bona fides.

I’m Troy Ford (he/him), author of the (very briefly) bestselling novel, Lamb: A novel in snapshots, and writer of the newsletter, Ford Knows Books. I’m from California, but moved to Spain in 2019 to live a saner life with my husband and our dog, Bubba. After a multifarious career in financial services and interior design, I’ve finally settled down to follow my heart and my calling to write.

I started Qstack because there is no “Queer” in the Substack categories, and I wanted to find my people and make it easier for all of us to connect.

With now two editors working in close collaboration, Qstack can better highlight exceptional work, foster sustained conversations, and ensure that both writers and readers feel seen and supported.

Community takes care, responsiveness, and attention—Qstack exists to provide exactly that.

Expanding Our Use of Cross-Posting

One of Substack’s most powerful features is also one of its most overlooked: cross-posting — the ability to share work originally published on another newsletter directly with our subscribers.

You’ve probably already noticed we’ve been cross-posting from other newsletters over the last few months, and we’ll be doing more of it—3 times per week.

This new method of distributing excellent work, insights, news and resources will allow us to offer a wider array than we have previously been able to based solely on submissions.

Another added advantage of cross-posting is that your attention, Likes, Restacks, and Comments will go directly to the writer of the post, rather than to Qstack—we want to get out of your way so you can connect directly and Subscribe to the newsletters you find most interesting and helpful.

We’ll still be accepting submissions for special editions, and highlighting News & Announcements in the community approximately twice a month. Never hesitate to reach out if you want more eyeballs on your work.

Qstack has become a hub in a broader ecosystem of LGBTQQIP2SA+ writers and publications. Cross-posting allows us to surface work that resonates with our mission, extend the reach of writers doing thoughtful and necessary work, and strengthen the connective tissue between newsletters that share values and audiences.

A Weekly Community Chat Prompt

Conversation is central to Qstack, and we’re formalizing one of the ways it already happens.

Each week on Wednesday, we’ll introduce a Qstack Chat prompt — a single question or theme meant to open discussion, invite reflection, or encourage connection.

Some prompts may focus on writing and creative practice. Others may explore identity, change, resistance, rest, or risk. Some may simply ask what you’re carrying this week, or what you’re watching and reading.

Participation is always optional. Reading along counts. Responding in your own time also counts. Questions are welcome. We’re here for you.

Let's Chat!

A New Monthly Column on Change and Transformation

Ask a Queer Coach

We’re launching a new monthly insight and reflection column written by our new Associate Editor, , who is a transformational coach.

Each month, he’ll respond to questions from the community about making meaningful change—personal, creative, relational, community or professional. This isn’t about optimization or quick fixes. It’s about clarity, agency, and forward motion that honors where you actually are.

Topics may include:

• Navigating transitions and uncertainty

• Untangling creative or emotional blocks

• Quieting the inner critic and disrupting impostor phenomenon

• Setting boundaries and redefining success

• Maintaining sustainable, self-aligned growth

Message Coach Keith

Questions can be submitted anonymously if you prefer not to be named in the column.

Keith will respond with thoughtful insights that are both practical and bespoke and also reflect an understanding that change is often messy, rarely linear, and never one-size-fits-all.

What All This Represents

These updates reflect our commitment to—

• Discussion and Community as an ongoing practice

• Writing as a way of thinking together and connecting

• Growth that foregrounds queer people over metrics

Qstack is evolving—you deserve a platform that grows with you.

Thank you for being here — and welcome to the next chapter of Qstack.

As always, Qstack is shaped by the people who participate in it. If you have ideas for chat prompts, pieces to cross-post, or questions you’d like addressed in the new column, we want to hear from you.

Qstack is pleased to announce we are sponsoring a free online edition of Theater Camp for Writers in collaboration with founder , and Qstack friend of Writers in Relationship.

Sunday, February 8, 2026 from 2:00 - 3:30 pm Eastern

This is a free preview of the in-person weekend workshop April 16 -19 near Honesdale, PA.

We were so taken by the conversation between Chris and Gail which we cross-posted last week—and with the entire concept and ringing endorsements for this unique improv/writing event—that we asked Chris if we could host an online version that would give a taste of what to expect from the all-inclusive weekend in April at the beautiful Highlights Foundation campus in the Poconos Mountains of northwest Pennsylvania.

WHY THIS WORKSHOP?

What do acting, directing, and improv have to teach us as writers?

If you’re bringing characters to life on the page—that’s Acting.

If you’re imagining a story in progress—angles, visuals, action, zooming in to details, zooming out to views—that’s Directing.

If you’re developing ideas and first-drafting—that’s Improvisation.

Whether you’re noodling new ideas, have a manuscript or story in progress, or just want to have some fun looking at writing in a new way, join us for a 90-minute taste of exercises and techniques you can use to develop your craft in a safe, queer-friendly space on Sunday, February 8th from 2-3:30pm.

Get you free ticket at Eventbrite:

Theater Camp for Writers Online

Participants will be invited (but not required) to submit scenes/excerpts from a work in progress (250-800 words, 1-3 pages) for consideration to be “produced” using volunteer actors (readers) from the class to take parts, read a few of these scenes, and offer constructive feedback to the authors in real time.

Scenes will have a focus on dialogue, action, and/or interaction between your characters. During the workshop, we will use these scenes to illustrate specific craft points with an emphasis on what’s working well.

Please note that this workshop is introvert- and extrovert-friendly. While we will be reading aloud in this workshop, no actual performance is required!

Here’s a quick video about the full Theater Camp for Writers workshop—and the website for the upcoming weekend retreat.

https://www.theatercampforwriters.com/home

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🚨News & Announcements

We’d like to introduce you all to whose debut novel, Chapel Bay Secrets, was just released yesterday. Congratulations Julie!!

A threatened book ban.
A small town blackmailing.
And a lesbian with a broken heart.
In Chapel Bay Secrets, the tension builds as bigotry, book bans, and the ache for community arise.

Read an excerpt HERE.

Julie writes the newsletter Impermanent Joy, and has an impressive list of recent essays, articles and short stories for you to peruse on her personal website, juliesniderauthor.com. Please join us in supporting a fellow queer indie author!

Is everyone excited for the Summit 2026, produced by the sorcery of Qstack friend ?

TiF Summit takes place over 5 days, starting with the TiF Recap of 2025 on Thursday, January 15th, followed by 3 days of Voices reading their fiction, Live, for your listening pleasure, and concluding with the TiF State of the Union on Monday January 19th!

Read more about it HERE.

Each of these writers will be hosting their own LIVE fiction reading—including on Sunday 1/18 at 1pm please note—so take a peek and set a reminder to tune in to the Substack of your favorites at the appointed time.

Here are handy dandy links for each, just in case:

Friday

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Saturday

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Sunday

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is more than just queer serial fiction—it’s an engaging and immersive experience with playlists, signs and symbols. It won First Prize in the Writer of the Month Contest in October on ’s Spanish-language Best Articles and Chronicles from Substack, speaking of which, we’re ESPECIALLY pleased to note that it is available in English, Spanish, Portuguese, and French.

After a profound loss, a young man begins to read signs outside the real. Along the way, he uncovers a shared story: the one you had forgotten.

Start with Chapter 1: The Turkey

Got a big announcement, an article or event, a special offer, a new book published? MESSAGE me

This edition of Qstack has gathered queer poems to ring in 2026—already off to a grim start—with a bit of levity and sweetness. Let’s call them love letters to objects of affection, to people real and imagined, to versions of the self that survived by hiding in plain sight.

Together, they’re proof that tenderness still counts, even when the world leans in to brutality. If 2026 insists on being bleak, these poems insist on being human.

For more queer poetry on Substack, you might also try:

Disappearing into Nature: Two Short Poems
On the fallacy of disappearing into something you are already a part of

We loved the metaphorical dance between the boundaries of landscape and the earth of the body - so many beautiful images, woven together so artfully. Written by , a disabled trans nonbinary poet. -Keith Aron

and

Tiny Poems to Survive the Apocalypse
Selections from year one of surviving

This photo-poetic piece by is utterly stunning. It cuts right to the heart of the challenges we’re living through, while also serving as a poetic rallying cry to resist queer erasure—with breathtaking photos of trees as symbols of resilience, no less. -Keith Aron

❤️‍🔥You can find even more new releases, pre-orders and deals in poetry (and nonfiction) in the current issue of Pride & Pages Book Club, a newsletter for the best new LGBTQ+ ebooks—LINK. ❤️‍🔥

Thanks for reading!

Varsity Hall of Fame

by of Big Blue Sky Dragonfly

When I shrugged you off
that final time in 1988,
did I say goodbye?
Thank you for your service?
I fear it too little, too late,
but here it is.
What you did, old friend,
without complaint,
went above and beyond basic
body temperature regulation,
beyond ordinary
school spirit representation.
What you did was incubate
seeds of identity,
coaxing them to gestate
vulnerable and inchoate,
under the warm wool of belonging.
With white and navy conformity,
you shielded and sheltered
my shame and fragility.
It was an epic act of enormity. Truly.
What you did preserved enough of me
that some 30 years later, when
conditions reached full maturity,
I managed to hatch
that exiled identity
into the bracing light of truth.
Over the years, you’ve lain in repose,
enshrouded in yellowing sleeve
next to the twin jelly jars holding
what remains of mom and dad and
a few childhood mementos that have,
like you, made the cut into
the varsity hall of fame
for a life shrugged off
but not forgotten.

Big Blue Sky Dragonfly

Finding the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity.

By Keith Aron

Letter to Shane McCutcheon from the L Word

by of Tinfoiled

Shane, how do you make sad eyes and dead-plant droop so endearing?

Teach me how to harmonize a gray hoodie and the bedhead helm of a tired knight, how to sag mistreated jeans with a preview of an inviting mold, how to parade rose-bud nipples through the seams of a sleeveless vest with the classiest classlessness.

Shane, railings thank you for snuffing out your cigarettes with such grace and I wonder when one masters the art of effortlessness
as I watch your skinny fingers rope around a set of keys
like an unsanctified rosary, in the hands of the most gentle devil.

Shane, have you always been a warning to the man? The kind whose badge of masculinity hangs by a loose pin, the kind who courts women who take too long to come. Shane, teach me how to make owl eyes at a smart femme without calling her Therapy. Teach me how to make my sadness sexy- specifically, teach me how to sulk in oversized polos like Mad Men’s shiniest token dyke.

Shane, what is it like to walk into a room, be seen and consumed by every person? They always stop to listen and wallow in the gravel of your voice- I would too; they indulge in the handsome way you wear your pain.

Shane, when the binary reigns, how do you remain lawless?
My vanilla queerness wants to know. My obvious, but compromising
queerness wants to know. Shane, teach my queerness how to scream,
how to kickflip off a halfpipe, stain its plywood with blood and use my sweaty bandana as an arm cast, then shotgun three Millers without gags.

Shane, today I’ll try out effortlessness.

Tinfoiled

did you leave your oven on?

By gabby

Slumber

by of Very Mark McCormick

I’ve never cared about how old you are
Or your job or your money, mortgage, alma mater
Or if your family is rich or poor, dead or dying, or dirty lying thieves

I somewhat care about your books, but about your whiskey more, please: listen to my Manhattan recipe.

I care about your torn concert T-shirts and the story behind them. I might steal one.

I care about the stories you’ll tell only when drunk. I might write one down.

I’ve cared about what makes you cry and your pet.

I will call that pet by its name and the thousands of nick names like Carson Schmarson Larson. Mr. Carson, Johnny Carson and the Carson-ater.

I care about your crazy mother and you’ll tolerate mine and we’ll tell stories about grocery shopping with our mothers, the magazines we stole and, unrelated, our first and worst beatings.

I care about how you touch your chest lightly when you’re talking about sports with a straight dude.

And the way you handle a tool like a hammer or a drill and which tools give you trouble like a saw.

I care about your choice of rye and beer and your friends and your brothers and your brothers’ friends and their beer, and their ryes, and whiskeys

I care about which side of the bed you sleep on and what makes you sleepy

And the hair on your forearms and your toothpaste and your pillow preference,

I’ll listen to your dreams in the morning and will stay interested and then spin out a half-cocked analysis just to hear you say hmmmm.

Let’s learn to make each other’s cocktails.

Let’s talk about our first grade teachers.

Let’s do this. Let’s end this poem and make out in a restaurant until we make everyone uncomfortable, hell until we get uncomfortable, until we get emotional boners and ask for the check from the grinning tired waitress.

This poem needs an end, and it ends in bed, but it’s a Thursday and there’s tv tonight and work tomorrow. Sometimes we go madly deeply and sometimes softly into cuddle land, and your soft back and my furry chest.

Slumber.

I didn’t know that word before us. It’s a fairy tale word like forest or badger or cave
“Or omen” you say, “or prince.”

So goodnight friend and brother and buddy and pet names we only say in private.

Let’s not die, let’s not die, let’s not die
just sleep, sleep, sleep and hit the snooze button into infinity, and beyond.

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Qstack Submissions are OPEN to everyone through December 31st!

Submit your articles, essays, editorials, flash/short stories, artwork and photography, poetry, interviews, and book/movie reviews—we are eager to see your work and publish it to our community of over 10,000 subscribers and followers. And remember that Qstack gladly accepts previously published work that you want more eyeballs on.

LINK to submission form and guidelines

I was so pleased when two of my favorite podcasters—K Anderson of Lost Spaces and John Parker of This Queer Book Saved My Life—teamed up for a recent episode of John’s other project, The Gaily Show, the only hour-long daily LGBTQ+ radio program in the U.S. (YouTube)

In the episode above, K shares about his newsletter, Queer Word, and a recent edition in which he revealed the ins/outs of the queer UK slang vocabulary “polari” which first came to our attention thanks to none other than—

—with the 1990 single “Piccadilly Palare” from His album Bona Drag.

Subscribe to Queer Word for all sorts of queer trivia, and check out their respective podcasts, starting with the episodes featuring your favorite Qstack host, MTF… 😘

➡️ The Hobbit with Troy Ford: This Queer Book Saved My Life

➡️ “I Can’t Imagine Not Being Gay” – with author Troy Ford: Lost Spaces

Check out ’s latest podcast interview with Clarence A. Haynes, author of LGBTQ+ Fantasy debut, The Ghosts of Gwendolyn Montgomery. (YouTube)

“A superstar publicist has to contend with the literal ghosts of her past when they attempt to ruin her life in this debut novel… Haynes has created a mystical, sensuous, dangerous world of spirits and power while also making characters that feel three-dimensional and knowable… A smart, sexy story filled with ghosts, history, and resilience.” Kirkus Reviews

LINK - From LGBTQ+ Reads

Got a big announcement, an article or event, a special offer, a new book published? MESSAGE me

Jeremy Atherton Lin’s Deep House Made Me Rethink What LGBTQ+ Music Is

by of Lavender Sound

Not that you didn’t already know this, but news flash: Straight people love BRAT too (well, besides Taylor Swift, apparently). When the prominent YouTube music critic Anthony Fantano, who gave Charli XCX’s breakthrough album a rare perfect score, talked about Brat Summer with the inscrutable troll Adam Friedlander, the latter said something dismissive that was roughly, “Well, gay men had a great time.”

This one sentence perfectly summarizes the generally agreed-upon view of the music that LGBTQ+ folks (or at least gay men, non-binary AMAB folks, and the dolls) listen to: women in pop. It’s not just Charli XCX. There’s Cher, Madonna, Whitney. Beyoncé, Gaga, Sabrina, Chappell. Though a fair stereotype — gay men called themselves “friends of Dorothy” long before their broader queer acceptance in the public eye, though that’s rapidly on its way out in the U.S. — it vastly oversimplifies the breadth of excellent music that LGBTQ+ people enjoy. It posits that bubblegum melody, stellar singing, and the polish of major-label studio resources are superior to dirty, hissing rage and righteous dissonance. It posits that straightforwardness is acceptable listening and weirdness is to be scorned.

I run a publication, Lavender Sound, written by LGBTQ+ people about music that LGBTQ+ people listen to, and we run lots of stories about mainstream pop because of course we do, so I’m absolutely guilty of playing into this stereotype. It’s why I found Jeremy Atherton Lin’s second book, Deep House, so refreshing and mind-expanding when I read it in August 2025.

Nominally, Deep House is a book in which Lin simultaneously tells his own 1990s gay love story and recounts the history of the fight for gay marriage in the U.S. The completely unexpected thread that jumped out to me, though, is how often, amid his personal narrative, he name-drops musicians to set the scene — and they’re not the musicians you might expect from a cis gay man like Lin.

Yes, there’s a mention of Kelis’ “Milkshake” in the first sentence of a chapter titled “James Dean’s Penis.” But there’s also 1960s dad-rock stalwarts The Byrds; 1970s power-pop legends Big Star; and Stereolab and Blonde Redhead, which are, respectively, hipster ‘90s electronic and early-aughts rock favorites. Although I don’t care for The Byrds and I respect Big Star but they aren’t for me, I definitely felt seen by the Stereolab and Blonde Redhead mentions. It was like I was reading an actual friend’s diary, but with music, not everyday happenings, tracing their life.

None of these artists, of course, is widely viewed as part of the LGBTQ+ music canon. I mean, I’ve gone to shows put on by acts clearly inspired by Stereolab and Blonde Redhead and been completely surrounded by straight people. And yet, these are among the artists Lin weaves into his writing to magnify the details of what might seem like tiny moments but that, whether he’s wearing rose-colored or pitch-black glasses, feel pivotal to him. (I love his writing style; he balances straightforward narration with arrays of concise sentences that, like the music he loves, form a neat rhythm.)

Lin sets his own definition of LGBTQ+ music, and it couldn’t be simpler. If he likes it, then it’s music that LGBTQ+ people listen to. I want to get better at this myself. The first album my parents ever bought for me, at my request, was Spice, the debut Spice Girls album. But by the time I was in first or second grade, the other boys at summer camp were making fun of Britney Spears and anyone who liked her. I wanted to fit in, so I went along with it: No, of course I didn’t own …Baby One More Time. How could I? I was a real boy. (I was distinctly not; I’m agender and reject the word “man.”)

From then onward, I refused to associate myself with pop music by women, instead embracing rap and emo in middle school, grunge and heavy metal in early high school, and whatever Pitchfork was praising in late high school. My best friend at the time introduced me to Pitchfork when it was still more rockist than poptimist but kind of transitioning between the two, and he described it as, in different words, the music site with the correct opinions — the unquestionably correct opinions, the maker of music canon. Immersing myself in its work, the distance between myself and the pop music I grew up loving only expanded.

In college, I surrounded myself with friends who were generally of the Pitchfork-influenced music sphere and found myself immersed in noise rock. Think Deerhoof, whom I’m pretty sure Lin mentions in Deep House but I haven’t been able to find upon skimming through the pages again. Almost as a parody of whom I’d become, I began writing album reviews for Pitchfork in 2021, mostly about albums that — I didn’t realize this at the time, but I see it now — I thought would be cool to write about, not that I really had a passion for or on which I had a strong point of view. I now believe that I only liked some of the Pitchfork-y rock music I based my whole personality around (I say that with only mild exaggeration) to impress straight people. To distance myself from queerness. To turn my nose up at the consumption of art engineered by rooms full of people with potentially millions of dollars at their disposal (which doesn’t inherently make for bad art; far from it). To appear holier-than-thou. Informed. Smarter. Better.

It took me until I was nearly 30 to really, fully embrace pop music again and realize that my whole act from before was, of course, complete pretentiousness and performative superiority. As I caught up on the Gaga and Beyoncé albums I missed when I was sidelining pop music (but while still maintaining my love for Björk and Mitski, because duh), I realized how cordoned-off I became to my own emotions, my own joy, by scorning pop music instead of giving myself over to singing along, dancing, and letting the sticky hooks jolt every hair until it’s standing on end.

So, to see Lin embrace some of the artists I long associated with an effectively fraudulent version of myself reshaped my perspective. Was it okay to like the music I liked even if it wasn’t the kind of sound most associated with LGBTQ+ people? What if, even though I was putting on an act, I actually did like some of that music? What if I could love mainstream pop music and dissonant, off-kilter rock music mostly by and for straight people?

I started Lavender Sound to give LGBTQ+ people space to write about LGBTQ+ music, because lots of major publications’ writing about LGBTQ+ musicians (or artists with large LGBTQ+ fanbases) is by straight people, and because LGBTQ+ publications rarely cover music in-depth. I had a selfish ulterior motive, though: I never let myself write about pop music for the big publications I wrote for because, well, see above. It’s been a delight to do so for Lavender Sound, but Deep House has helped me realize that LGBTQ+ music can mean whatever I want it to mean, or whatever any LGBTQ+ person wants it to mean.

It’s why I’ve unashamedly written that Nine Inch Nails and Weyes Blood, two straight artists (the former especially so given Trent Reznor’s intense performance of masculinity), belong in the LGBTQ+ music canon. It’s why I entertained a pitch from a gay writer about the impact that Devo — four straight dudes in campy matching outfits, so arguably queer-coded — had on his life. It’s why I give as much space to Model/Actriz as to Madonna, to the noisy and the glamorous alike.

I was doing this before I read Deep House, but I had some trepidation about it. You see, I still regularly have this intrusive thought that, in spaces dominated by gay men, the dolls, and/or AMAB folks who may not be men but who present more masc than femme, if I name artists I listen to who aren’t in the mainstream, I’ll get a weird look, a gesture of confusion, perhaps even consternation. Lin’s writing reassured me that what matters most when talking or writing about music with people is that I genuinely have feelings about it — maybe I even love it — no matter who made it.

After reading Deep House, I’m finally able to present a take on Jay Som’s rock music as confidently as a review of JADE’s album. I’ve been able to go back to claustrophobic noise rock for the first time in three years without feeling like I’m betraying my queerness. I’ve been able to return to music scenes and friendships that, without saying so, I was kind of icing out because they didn’t feel queer enough.

Lin would support this; on Deep House, he embraces his somewhat left-field favorites while not at all scoffing at gay icons. There are two mentions of “The Happening” by The Supremes and one of Diana Ross herself. A friend of Lin’s advocates for Björk as a genius (I agree, of course). His partner often hears that the song by The Magnetic Fields, the cult indie rock band fronted by gay man Stephen Merritt, that most makes people think of him is “When My Boy Walks Down The Street.” Sure, Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse get namedrops, but so does Joan Armatrading, the seminal but overlooked lesbian folk-rock artist.

In Deep House, music isn’t a one-dimensional beast or a realm of exclusion. It’s a medium through which Lin, his partner, and their loved ones share moments together; the music itself matters far more than the gender or sexuality of its creator. For a long time, I thought that only genres associated with one set of genders and sexualities were valid, and then after that, I thought the same but about a different set of genders and sexualities. I’m grateful to Deep House for reminding me that inclusion doesn’t just mean making space for queer people and their art. It means being proud of who and what we love, no matter what.

Max Freedman (all pronouns) launched the LGBTQ+ music publication Lavender Sound to create an online writing community by and for LGBTQ+ people about LGBTQ+ music. They also interview artists for The Creative Independent, and they’ve previously contributed music criticism to Pitchfork, Bandcamp Daily, and Paste.

Lavender Sound

About music, by and for LGBTQ+ people.