Keep

I have been in a really bad funk this week for the first time in…years? Idk. I don’t ever get in these. I am famously very consistently upbeat and steady in my mood. It’s part of the rhythm of our household and it works for us. This week, though, I was feeling so off. Well, I had a good cry yesterday and PJ held me and I let it out and I felt SO MUCH BETTER. It’s like a big giant weight was lifted off my shoulders, the sun came back out, and I instantly felt like myself again. I am so grateful for him, reader. So, so grateful. And for you! Thank you for all the well-wishes. It means more to me than you’ll ever know.

Delete

We found out last night that our new favorite show of the year, The Boroughs, was cancelled on Netflix after just one season!!! We were shocked and, to be honest, a little heartbroken. We loved it. It was from the creators of Stranger Things and we thought for sure it would get renewed for a second season. Ugh. It’s such a weird, hard-to-describe feeling when your favorite show gets cancelled and you’ll never see those actors in those roles on your TV again. You know what I mean?

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

The older I get, the more convinced I become that life is really just a collection of small moments. The giant milestones are usually what get all the attention, and might even be what we all remember most when we look back at our life, but it’s the random Wednesday afternoons and the conversations around the dinner table and the memories that sneak up on you while folding laundry that seem to stick around the longest.

This week’s newsletter started with one of those moments. A quick thought turned into a memory, which turned into a conversation, which eventually turned into the words you’re reading right now. Go figure. And if you’ve been around here for a while, you know that’s usually how these things go. Keeping on brand with our Pride Month-themed newsletters, today’s topic is a nostalgic one, at least it is for me. I hope you’ll find comfort in it, because that’s exactly what I felt writing it: comfort. Comfort in knowing those days are behind me, but also that they shaped the person I am today, and for that, I am grateful.

If you’re up for it, please give this issue a little heart, because it would make our day and it also helps other people discover Okay McKay. Thanks, y’all!

Father’s Day is this Sunday, and while it’s fun to shop for your father or the father-figure in your life, it might be even more fun to shop for the daddy in your life ;). We’ve got you covered on that front. We put together an entire guide full of gifts that are just spicy enough to keep things interesting, for him AND for you.

Shop the Daddies Gift Guide

You can also shop our regular Father’s Day Gift Guide, filled with over 100 gift ideas!

LGBTQIA+

The Gay Bucket List Moments We Never Got

Lately, I’ve been thinking about milestones.

More specifically, the ones we’re all supposed to hit as teenagers. The experiences that seem to arrive naturally for so many people, like the first crush, the first date, the first dance, the heartbreak, and the awkward conversations with friends and parents that become cherished memories years later.

All of those are so expected of teenagers, so ordinary in their existence that many people just expect them to happen along the way. They don’t know when and they don’t know how, they just know they will happen because that’s just what happens in high school. They’re the moments that inadvertently shape us along the way. The ones that seem so ordinary when they’re happening that most people don’t even think to appreciate them. In the end, they’re the tiny moments that eventually become part of the story you tell about your life.

The thing is, not everyone gets those moments at the same time. Some of us had to wait a little longer. Some of us had to rewrite them entirely. And some of us are still collecting them years after we thought we were supposed to.

Below, I’ve compiled a list of moments I never got to experience in high school because I wasn’t out of the closet (and I’ve included photos of us from our senior proms!), and if you’ve gone through something similar and want to add to the list, please do! I would love to hear your experience as well.

Having a High School Sweetheart

I’m not talking about just a crush you secretly thought about from a distance. We’ve all been there. I’m talking about someone you could openly date, hold hands with between classes, sit next to at football games, and talk about with your friends. Someone whose name you could casually mention at the lunch table without your stomach dropping into your shoes. The kind of young love that gets to exist out in the open instead of living entirely in your head. I wonder what that would have been like?

Read more

Keep

Last night, I found myself in the kitchen with much higher spirits than yesterday (thank you for all the well-wishes!!), making dinner while listening to jazz music, losing track of time as the kids came in and out of the house on their bikes. You see, these are my favorite kind of nights. The kind where the whole family sort of does its own thing (kids are playing and reading, I’m cooking, PJ is working in the lawn and/or working out upstairs) but we’re doing them together/in the same vicinity. We’re all existing together under the same roof, and we’re all comfortable and safe here. It’s my favorite feeling in the world. After dinner was ready, we all sat down together and ate, like we do every night, and I gave this very Keep & Delete to my family, just as I’m giving it to you now.

Delete

PJ and I were both so tired yesterday, and attempted a 10 minute power-nap on the couch before dinner prep. I say attempted because it kept getting interrupted by these three children that kept coming in and out of the house lol. Oh well. Hoping for more energy today.

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Keep

For dinner last night, PJ made the kids these little pizzas on tortillas the same way he used to when he was 24, when we just met and neither of us had any money. You take two tortillas, put them together, put marinara sauce on them and sprinkle mozzarella cheese and top them with pepperonis and then sprinkle some parmesan cheese to finish them off. It took me right back to being 19 and thinking he was so resourceful and creative for making these little pizzas that I had never seen before. When you’re young and broke, you get creative with the kind of food you make because you can only eat the same thing over and over again so many times. All these years later, and they’re just as good as I remember them.

Delete

I felt kind of blah yesterday. I was down, which almost never happens. I am always a very happy, optimistic person; a very steady one. But yesterday, I was sad and down on myself. It’ll pass, but it’s not a good feeling, and my heart aches for people who experience depression on a regular basis. 💔

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Keep

Some days don't need a big agenda to be good. It rained on and off all day, which gave us full permission to slow down a little. I took a nap, PJ gave Adeline a bath, I baked a cake I’ve been wanting to make for a while just because it sounded nice, and Beau headed home after spending a few days with us. Nothing particularly exciting happened, but those ordinary days have started to feel like the ones I want to hold onto the most. The older I get, the more I appreciate a day that asks absolutely nothing of me.

Delete

Two of our kids took tumbles off their bikes and ended up with scraped knees. Ugh. They’re okay, but it never gets easier seeing your kids hurt, even when it’s just a part of growing up.

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Happy Friday! How was your week?

My loves, I hate that I missed last week’s Good Things. We were traveling for work and I just ran out of time. BUT, I loved catching up with you this week in the Okay McKay Chat. We talked about moving apartments, new positions at work, writing novels, unpacking at a new home, and even, sadly, the loss of a loved one. Nothing is off limits in the safe space of our chat, so we’d love to have you over there if you’re ever up for it.

Our summer days have felt a lot like the rest of how we spend our year. All three of our children are in a summer program at school that runs Monday through Thursday, so we’re still on a semi-school schedule right now, though the three day weekend has been nice. We spend it out at our farm, though we haven’t really been home to do that in over a month, which is one of the reasons we’re excited to head out there this weekend. We’re spending the night out there tonight with our best friend Beau who’s in town checking on his property and staying with us for a few days. He’s making us dinner, which is always a treat, because he makes the most delicious food and I will always and forever get excited when anyone wants to make food for me. I think making food for another person is just about the most loving thing you can do for someone.

Lastly, we’re back from California and are going through all the photos that Amazon took of us while we were there! Here are a few below, if you’d care to see:

Side note: we posted the photo of us and our friend Preston Konrad (in the blue blazer) on Facebook, and a subscriber commented that he looked like Adam Levine, and my mom saw it and then told my sister-in-law that we were with Adam Levine, and then it somehow got spread around that we hung out with Adam Levine, haha. When I saw her this week, she asked how we got to meet Adam, and I was like mom what on earth are you talking about lol. I politely explained to her that was our friend Preston. She laughed.

Hope you have a magical weekend, and here are a few good things from the week.

1. Blackberry Picking

It’s blackberry season at Ocoee Farm! Last weekend, after dinner one night and with a glass of wine in hand, I joined my family who were all roaming around our farm in a very intense blackberry competition to see who could pick the most blackberries. Of course PJ won, like he does every year. The next day, he made a bunch of batches of his delicious blackberry jam that we all get to enjoy on his equally delicious buttermilk biscuits. We all look forward to this time every year, and I hope the kids remember this little tradition when they get older. PJ used to do similar little things like this with his grandma when he was young, and they're some of his fondest memories.

2. Delicious Body Wash

I shared that we love Oars + Alps wake up eye stick a few months ago, and while we’ve been using our favorite Dove Men+Care body wash back home, at the beach last moth, we used Oars + Alps body wash and OMG YOU GUYS. It smells SO good and lasts all day. I walked past PJ hours after I had showered with it and he was like, “Wow, you smell really good.” Which means this stuff works! The Mandarin Woods scent is intoxicating and has a masculine, unique scent that instantly turns me on.

3. Dress Code

I have been a major fan of Air Mail for years, so I was so stoked to see they launched a new pillar of their newsletter dedicated entirely to style called Dress Code. It’s a weekly dispatch from the world of fashion and style from some of the medium’s biggest and brightest voices, giving you all the inside scoop and answering some of your most pressing questions. This is starting to sound like an ad for them, which I promise it isn’t, haha, I just love the entire vibe of Air Mail and I am so looking forward to reading their new venture!

4. Italian Pasta Salad

My mom makes the best pasta salad, and I’ve always wanted to try my hand at it. SO, this week I decided to look up a recipe and give it a go. I found this one and it was so delicious and easy! I added some cucumbers and replaced the mozzarella with feta cheese, and I also added some smashed garlic and lemon juice to the dressing. It tastes even better the second day. Is there anything better than a cool pasta salad in the summer?

5. Small Town Pride

Our town is small, which means the LGBTQIA+ population here is extremely small. Still, we’ve managed to accumulate a group of friends we love dearly. We all went out for greek yogurt earlier this week, and our kids came too, which I loved all the more because the fact that they were surrounded by all of us and getting exposed to those who are so few and far between in this area is such a beautiful thing. But to them, it’s really such a normal, everyday thing. So many people in their lives are queer, and I think because it’s so normal to them, they will grow up with so much empathy and understanding for those who may be different than them. And I think at the end of the day, that’s all it boils down to. Kids are taught to hate and to judge and to be mean. I believe children are inherently good, and it’s our job to keep them that way. Pride can be found everywhere, because queer people are everywhere, even in small towns like ours.

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Father’s Day is only 9 days away! We’ve rounded up over 100 gifts for the father or father-figure in your life to make shopping easy this year. There are the everyday essentials, but we also included a few surprises in there that they’re sure to love.

Shop Our Father's Day Gift Guide

This Week’s YouTube Video

In this week’s vlog, we’re taking you on our quick, two-day trip to LA with Amazon!

Tuesday’s Letter

If you want to start receiving emails for Keep & Delete, our daily journal, you can do so by following the instructions below:

1. Go to your Substack account

2. Click on the publication you want to subscribe to (Okay McKay)

3. Click Manage Subscription

4. Find the Subscriptions section

5. Slide the toggle next to each section you want to receive notifications about (Keep & Delete)

6. Save your changes

If you want to see all the Keep & Delete’s so far, you can tap the link below. We also end each one by asking you to share your own Keep & Delete for the day, if you feel up to it.

Keep & Delete

What about you? What have you been up to recently?
PS: last week’s good things

Keep

My mom asked to cook us all dinner last night, but instead we asked if she could make dinner for the kids because Beau wanted to take us out to dinner. She agreed, so I dropped them off promptly at 6, and when I walked in, I was welcomed by the most delicious, warm smell of garlic, lemon, butter, and baked chicken. It reminded me of how my mom’s house used to smell when I was young and she would make dinner. As she’s gotten older, she cooks SO much less, and these kinds of dinners happen once every six months probably, which I hate because she makes the best food and I miss her cooking. Even though it was for the kids, I snuck a few bites before thanking her for watching them for a few hours and heading out the door. Then, we got ready and me, Beau, and PJ drove to our favorite local place and had the most delicious dinner. We all agreed it was the best meal we’d all had in a while. We talked about everything that’s happened in the last year and all that’s changed, our plans for the future along with Beau’s, and just life in general. I can’t tell you what our friendship means to us. It feels like we’ve found our person in him; our lifelong friend who will be there through every stage of life and through all of its ups and downs. A night out with a friend like that is most definitely a Keep to me.

Delete

I worked out at the gym for the first time in three weeks yesterday, and every time I take that much time off, I get so nauseous when I start back. Such was the case yesterday. I came home after the gym and took an hour nap to keep from throwing up. Ugh. Not a good feeling.

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Keep

Our best friend Beau got into town late last night and is staying with us for a few days while he checks on his property down here and visits with us. We stayed up late and caught up on all the things, which was nice because it’s been over a month since we’ve seen him and somehow so much has happened since then. The kids were so excited and wanted to stay up as late as they could to see him, but it was way past their bedtime by the time he rolled in, and they were already tucked in. Still, he went upstairs to say good night in the hopes that maybe one of them would be awake, and of course the boys were WIDE awake. Anna was fast asleep. Basically, we’re all just really happy he’s here.

Delete

We thought we had a breakthrough with something big at work, but it turned out to be a false alarm, sadly. We’re going to keep working on it until we crack the code, though! Hate that I’m being so cryptic, but it’s a bunch of behind the scene stuff that is extremely boring anyway!

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Keep

Sometimes, your Keep for the day is big and exciting and all-consuming. And sometimes, it’s that you meet people out at your farm who are in charge of approving a free fence that the USDA is granting you for your livestock! Such was the case yesterday. PJ met four people who went over the plans we have for building new fences out at Ocoee Farm for our sheep and guess what? It would be at no cost to us through grants the government has! It’s all in an attempt to get more people to keep farming and to boost the agriculture community. It’s a great program. I’ll keep you updated on the progress and if it work out. Fingers crossed that it does!

Delete

I took my car in for an oil change and to replace the air filters in it, because when I turn my car on, for the first 10 seconds, the A/C smells awful, like ammonia. I thought it would fix it, but almost $400 later, it didn’t. So, I am taking it back in today to see what they can do for me. Ugh.

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Since it’s Pride Month, I thought it would be fun to have a theme to this month’s newsletters and have them all centered around being gay and all that comes along with it. Like I said in last week’s letter, I just really love being gay and I love celebrating this beautiful, strong, resilient community, and even though it’s technically Pride Month every month in our house, we’ll take one official month out of the year any day.

And since we’re on the subject, I’ve been thinking lately about how different being gay looks at 35 than it did at 15. Back then, being gay almost felt like a question mark. It was a secret then; something I was constantly trying to hide before anyone else figured it out first. Now, it feels more like a collection of ordinary, wonderful, beautiful things. School drop-offs, deciding what to watch on TV, texting PJ from the grocery store to ask if we need almond milk.

Pride, I’ve realized, doesn't always look like a parade or a rainbow flag hanging from a porch. In fact, most times it’s usually found in the everyday privilege of living a life you once weren’t sure you’d be allowed to live. And maybe that’s why I love this month so much. It’s a chance to celebrate not only how far we’ve come as a community, but also the small, everyday moments that generations before us fought to make possible. The moments that can feel so normal now, we almost forget they were once somebody else’s impossible dream in the first place.

If you’re up for it, please give this issue a little heart, because it would make our day and it also helps other people discover Okay McKay. Thanks, y’all!

SOOOO many of you recommended Playing the Palace as the perfect MM romance novel, and after pouring through the reviews, reading the synopsis online, and then going through your DMs after I mentioned it on Instagram, I am officially convinced. I added it to my cart! It feels like the perfect beach read, and since I loved Red, White, and Royal Blue so much, I think I’m going to love this book, too.

LGBTQIA+

Things Straight People Never Have to Think About

As gay men, we grew up instinctively hiding parts of ourselves from the world in fear of being made fun of, or worse, being harmed physically (and mentally/emotionally). We learned early on that people are cruel, and that they will use our biggest insecurities against us, turning what makes us different from others into something that should be attacked and ridiculed instead of celebrated and protected. We adapted. We changed. We conformed and we did what we could to fit in as to not draw too much attention to the very obvious truth that we were, in fact, different. We couldn’t help it.

And we still can't.

And I used to hate it. I hated it. I hated how much I had to make sure I didn’t move my hands around too much when I talked about something I was excited about.

I hated how much I had to make sure my voice didn’t sound like all those valley girls I heard on TV growing up because then I would sound like them and then people would know I was gay.

I hated how much I had to bury all the songs on my iPod that I really listened to, like Britney Spears and songs from broadway shows, and instead put artists like Flo Rida and Lil Wayne at the top of my playlists so that no one would be suspicious.

I hated how much I had to hide the fact that I loved drama movies and knew which actors had won all the Best Actress Oscars from 1995 to the present because what straight 17 year old boy knows that kind of thing?

Of course teenage boys feel all kinds of angst at those ages. Your body is changing and your hormones are raging and everything is awkward and weird. But when you have to literally calculate every single movement and thing you say so that you don’t come across one way, and so that you DO come across a completely different way, it’s exhausting and it’s taxing and it’s draining. It feels like you’re living two very different lives: the fake life you’re leading, and the life of the person you really are on the inside; the one no one else will ever get to see.

Now that we’ve come out and live happily open as gay men, we’ve toned down the amount of things we hide about ourselves from the world. Still, there are certain things we question from time to time, or stop and think about on a daily basis that straight people never have to. This isn’t a woe is me post, but more of an acknowledgment one. A we’ve-all-been-there type of post. Most of these we probably do without even thinking, like they’re all second nature to us now, just thousands of tiny thoughts, repeated over years, that shape how many LGBTQIA+ people move through the world. We’ve trained ourselves to be in a constant state of survival because we know what, in many cases, the alternative means for us.

Below, I’m sharing a list of 10 things we do as part of the LGBTQIA+ community that straight people never have to think about, and, if you’re up for it, I would love to hear from you of any that you’ve experienced, too.

1. Is it safe to hold hands here?
   Walking down a street, into a restaurant, through an airport, or at a family event and subconsciously assessing the room first. Or even in a new place like a country or a town you’re visiting, it can be uncomfortable when you don’t know the politics or how safe you’ll be. When we visit big cities like LA or NYC where we know it’s more widely accepted, we love holding hands in the streets. It’s exhilarating and different and I get a rush. It’s funny how something that I see straight couples do every day still gives me jitters when I do it with my husband of 11 years.

Read more

Keep

My sister and her wife came over to visit as I was making dinner, and stayed throughout as we ate (they had already eating right before coming). During dinner, my mom stopped by after just getting back into town from going to the beach with my brother and his wife and their new baby. AND THEN, our friends Ruth and Aubrey walked over to say hi, and we all walked down to our favorite new greek yogurt place for a sweet treat. And as we were eating outside on at one of the bistro tables on the sidewalk, I looked around and realized we were all members of the LGBTQIA+ community. The two of us, my sister and her wife Elana, our co-worker Ethan, and Ruth and her girlfriend Aubrey. Our kids were there, too, of course, which I loved all the more because fact that they’re surrounded by all of us and getting exposed to those who are so few and far between in this area is such a beautiful thing. But to them, it’s such a normal, everyday thing. So many people in their lives are queer, and I think because it’s so normal to them, they will grow up with so much empathy and understanding for those who may be different than them. And I think at the end of the day, that’s all it boils down to. Kids are taught to hate and to judge and to be mean. I believe children are inherently good, and it’s our job to keep them that way. Pride can be found everywhere, because queer people are everywhere, even in small towns like ours.

Delete

Our middle son got stung by a wasp at his summer camp and his finger swelled up like a balloon. He didn’t even cry, which is wild because I would have exploded, but he was uncomfortable the rest of the day, which was hard to see. Poor guy!

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Keep

I’m so sorry for the radio silence here on K&D. It’s been a busy last couple of days, with a few work deadlines to hit and then traveling across the country to prepare for. That’s right, we’re in LA for a few days! Amazon brought us over here for their Prime Day Celebration, along with a bunch of other Amazon Creators, and it’s been a whirlwind so far. We went to a welcome cocktail party last night at Alba in LA, which was not the typical way we would spend a Wednesday night. There were SO many people (we got to meet a bunch of them, and they were all really nice!), all influencers, all very successful, and all who make a ton of money doing what they do. Honestly, we’re still kind of new to affiliate linking, and our business with it has grown so much in the last year and a half, but we’re still just happy to be here. A lot of the people Amazon brought have been doing this for a long time, so we’re excited to learn from them to help grow our small business. We have a full schedule today and then hopefully some down time tonight to maybe go out to dinner. And then we have to be up suuuuuuper early tomorrow morning to catch our flight back to Tennessee, and we’ll be home by 5p tomorrow! Quick trip. There and back, which is nice, but I fear I’ll get a little behind on this newsletter because of it. You’ll forgive me, won’t you?

Delete

Lack of sleep! That’s all!

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

No matter how many times I say that or write it, it never gets old. And let me just say this, because I don’t want to beat around the bush: I love being gay. Like, really love it. 10 out of 10. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s wild how something I spent half my life hiding from everyone is now the thing I love most about myself. I’m proud of who I am and the family I have. I love my husband and our children and our place in the world.

Growing up, I truly didn’t think a life like ours was possible. Seriously. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would forever have to suppress who I really was in order to live some resemblance of a normal life. There just weren’t examples of the kind of life I thought was attainable in our little town.

And then I met PJ.

PJ has a way of making the impossible seem, well, extremely possible. He showed me what it meant to live as myself and how to be proud of who I was. Once I met him, I wanted to shout from the rooftops that we were together. I didn’t care who knew. I was so proud to call him mine. I still am. That was 16 years ago, and I look back at all the progress that’s been made over the years and I can’t help but smile. At the same time, it feels like we’ve taken so many steps back as a country in the last couple of years. There’s still work to do, loves. And we’ll do it together.

Happy Pride Month. We’re so glad you are here, and we love you so much.

If you’re up for it, please give this issue a little heart, because it would make our day and it also helps other people discover Okay McKay. Thanks, y’all!

We leave for LA tomorrow, so we bought two of these portable chargers for $24 each. Why are we just now getting these when we travel as much as we do?! They come in handy, especially when you’re not somewhere you can plug your phone into. It has a couple of different types of charging ports, so it should fit any kind of device you have. Technology these days!

MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS

The Bedroom Game We’ve Been Playing Late at Night

PJ and I have been together long enough that we’ve cycled through almost every phase a couple can cycle through sexually.

We’ve been through the can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other phase in the very beginning. We’ve been through the exhausted-new-parents phase somewhere around the middle of 2019. We’ve been in the “should we schedule sex?” phase and we’re not afraid to admit it. We’ve been in the “let’s do it real quick so we can go to sleep” phase, too. Basically, we’ve seen it all and experienced all the ups and downs in the bedroom, and have found a balance over the years that works for us.

And the phase we’re in now is…

Read more

Happy Friday!

How was your week? We’re winding down and our trip to the beach to celebrate PJ’s 40th birthday is coming to an end, and it’s been…an interesting week. The weather has been the worst it’s ever been, with rain and clouds every day with bits of sun here and there (thankfully), but still, we’ve never seen it this bad.

I’ve been walking barefoot to the beach a lot this week, something I never do. I am strictly a sandals guy when I make the short walk to the beach, while the rest of my family usually goes barefoot and I roll my eyes at them. The pavement is hot! The rocks and stickers (I call them stickers, but they’re those little spiky things that are found in the sand down here) will hurt your feet! You will stub your toe! There are so many reasons to NOT walk barefoot, and I would rather not risk succumbing to any of them.

But I was forced to walk barefoot because I wore new sandals that caused my feet to have blisters, which gave me the most painful sores. And at first I was worried something bad would happen, and I found myself in awe at how carelessly and easily my children would walk down to the beach with no shoes on, like it was nothing. Meanwhile, I was making such a big deal about it. And for what? What was I so afraid of? Because when I finally did go sans shoes, guess what? Nothing happened. There was no big moment of realization or round of applause. It was as insignificant as it should’ve been. And it reminded me that I need to let go more in life. Let go of the everyday little fears that hold me back from experiencing the joys and wonders that my kids have all the time. I was barefoot 24/7 when I was little, running up and down the streets of our neighborhood playing hide and go seek without a care in the world.

And as I made my way to the beach for the last time this morning, I realized that life is too short not to go barefoot as much as you can, no matter where you’re walking to.

Hope you have a beautiful weekend, and here are a few good things from the week.

1. Bandolier Phone Case

Is there anything more convenient than a wallet phone case? When I was younger, I used to think only “old” people used them, but now I’ve come to absolutely LOVE how they make my life so much easier. I have three different types, but my newest one, and by far my favorite, is this Bandolier Mila MagSafe case. I love the light leather color and the entire look feels so elevated to me. It stores a few of my cards, just the ones that I need, and it can handle wireless charging. A win! Bandolier has SO many different cases, it was hard to narrow down which ones we wanted. PJ got the Hailey phone case in black, and I think it matches him perfectly.

2. Rosemary Beach

We took a stroll through Rosemary Beach last night after dinner and stopped in at our favorite local shop to get some ice cream. We walked through the streets and looked at all the big, beautiful homes and all took turns picking out which one was our favorite. We’ve been coming to this area for almost a decade and still never get tired of it. It’s has a certain magical quality to it that never gets old. If you’ve never been to Rosemary Beach, FL, it’s definitely worth a trip!

3. The Sheep Detectives

We’ve had awful, rainy weather at the beach this week, so one day we decided to go to the movies and see The Sheep Detectives, and I’m so glad we did! Full disclosure: we did a partnership back in December promoting the trailer of this film, but it genuinely looked so cute and we wanted to see it back then just as much as we wanted to see it now. Turns out, it lived up to all the good hype it’s getting! Finally, a family movie for kids AND adults. It centers on a flock of sheep that, when their shepherd seemingly gets murdered, must solve the mystery of who killed him and why. It’s charming, cute, and really did keep us all guessing until the end.

4. Wine Beach Bag

How genius is this beach/pool/tailgaiting bag? My older sister got it for me as a thank you for staying at our beach shack earlier this year, and I am OBSESSED. The nautical navy stripes are perfect for the beach, and the spout is perfect for holding your favorite drink when you’re out and about. I put my favorite rose in it this week, along with my book and snacks for the beach, and it was the perfect little tote bag to carry all of our beach essentials. I couldn’t think of a more perfect gift for the wine lover in your life.

5. Kale Caesar Pasta Salad

Is it just me or does this kale caesar pasta salad (NYT gift link) sound like the absolute best thing you’ve ever heard of? It mixes two of my favorite things all into one dish: pasta and caesar dressing. I plan on making this as soon as we get back from the beach and will report back on how it goes, and if you end up making it before me, let me know how it is!

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1. Boyfriend Material

2. The Charm Offensive

This Week’s YouTube Video

In this week’s vlog, we’re sharing part 2 of our Cancun vacation vlog! See how we spent the rest of our quick trip to Mexico in the video above, and leave a comment letting us know what you think! And if you missed it, here is part 1 of our trip.

Tuesday’s Letter

If you want to start receiving emails for Keep & Delete, our daily journal, you can do so by following the instructions below:

1. Go to your Substack account

2. Click on the publication you want to subscribe to (Okay McKay)

3. Click Manage Subscription

4. Find the Subscriptions section

5. Slide the toggle next to each section you want to receive notifications about (Keep & Delete)

6. Save your changes

If you want to see all the Keep & Delete’s so far, you can tap the link below. We also end each one by asking you to share your own Keep & Delete for the day, if you feel up to it.

Keep & Delete

What about you? What have you been up to recently?
PS: last week’s good things

Keep

We’re settling into life at the beach shack nicely, even if we only have a few more days here. Last night, PJ made buffalo grilled chicken on the new grill we (finally) bought, along with Mac n’ cheese, corn on the cob, and salad. After dinner, we took a walk around the neighborhood like we would do back home. Before long, rain started to sprinkle down, or as our daughter said, “sparkle.” We headed back home to watch a movie and call it a night. It’s amazing how a place seven hours a way can feel like home, even when you only visit a couple times a year. It was a cozy little night at the beach shack, and I felt grateful to be spending it with my family.

Delete

I got two blisters on my feet from wearing new sandals to the beach and the sand getting in between my feet and the shoes and now they hurt SO BAD. I’ve been walking to the beach barefoot all day today. Ouch!

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Keep

After spending a few hours at the beach yesterday, and making burgers on our new grill (after saying we’ll get one for over a year, we finally got one for the beach shack!), we all settled into the living room and rented the movie Salt, the 2010 action thriller starring Angelina Jolie. Have you seen it? At one time, it was my favorite movie ever, if you can believe it. I think I saw it three times in theaters. I knew the kids would love it because it’s so fast-paced and action-packed. I hadn’t seen it in years, but I was surprised that it still held up as a good, entertaining movie with a bunch of twists and turns and solid performances. If you have never seen it, or haven’t seen it in a while, I recommend giving it a shot.

Delete

More bad weather at the beach. I’m over it, you guys!!!!!

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Hi from the beach!

School is officially out for summer for our kids, which means it’s time for our annual trip down to our teeny little beach shack to celebrate PJ’s birthday! We look forward to this trip every year, and it’s truly our time to unwind and relax. We try to do as little work as possible (though admittedly, writing this newsletter and creating content is still work, but we scale back a bit!) and just enjoy this time with our children and each other. We go to our favorite restaurants and visit with our friends if they’re down here at the same time as us. We’ve done our best over the last couple of years to make this place feel like our home away from home, and I must say, reader, that it really does feel like it.

Below, I’m sharing what I got PJ for his 40th, what we did for his big day, and seven reasons why it was almost the worst birthday ever. And coming up next week, we’ll be sharing a bedroom game we’ve been playing lately that’s been spicing things up at night. Stay tuned!

PS: This issue is too long for email. Click through to Substack to see the whole thing.

If you’re up for it, please give this issue a little heart, because it would make our day and it also helps other people discover Okay McKay. Thanks, y’all!

We’ve shared PJ’s favorite underwear multiple times on here and over on IG, but for some reason we’ve never shared mine! These Puma boxer-briefs are my absolute favorite underwear, and the kind I wear every day. They’re the perfect length (to me) and are so damn comfortable. Plus, they hold up well after a million washes. Highly recommend!

PERSONAL

PJ’s 40th Birthday

We made the drive down to our little beach shack to celebrate PJ’s birthday, like we do every year, on the last day of school for our kids. It’s become a tradition for our family and serves as the official kickoff for summer. We plan all year for it, deciding when to leave and what to bring, and our kids look forward to it just as much as we do.

And this year was even more special, because we’re celebrating PJ’s 40th birthday! I can’t tell you how weird it feels to type that. Not because he’s old, but because he still looks and acts and feels, to me, like the age he was when I first met him 16 years ago. Yes, his hair is grayer and the history we have together automatically means we’re both getting older, but other than that, nothing else really feels that much different about him turning 40, if that makes sense.

So while we were all so excited to come down to the beach, the beach was clearly not that excited to see us. Our trip got off to an extremely rocky start, and we almost turned around and called the whole thing off multiple times.

Here’s how it all went down…

WHAT MADE IT SO BAD

Read more

Keep

We saw the cutest movie in theaters, The Sheep Detectives. Have you seen it yet? It stars Hugh Jackman, Nicholas Galitzine, Emma Thompson, and a handful of voice actors for the sheep, and it’s about a flock of sheep on a farm (sound familiar?) trying to solve their shepherd’s murder. It’s a family movie that adults can enjoy, too! Seriously. It was so cute. We all loved it. I highly recommend seeing it!!!

Delete

It rained. All. Day. Yesterday. Truly never stopping. Which, you know I love if we’re at home and I get to putz around the house all day. But when we’re at the beach and all stuck in a 700 sq ft beach shack? It’s a no for us. We did our best to make the best of it, but stormy weather at the beach is just about the worst thing I can think of. Hoping for better weather for the rest of the week!

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Keep

PJ turned 40 on Sunday, May 24th. We celebrated it like we do every year, at the beach at our little shack by the gulf. It was supposed to rain all day, which was a bummer, but instead, the sun was out the entire day, so we spent it at the beach. For hours, we listened to music in the sand as we sipped our seltzers and the kids played in the water, and it was total bliss. It was exactly how PJ liked to spend his birthday: away from everyone and everything with no big celebration and no surprises and no attention on him. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about him over the years, it’s that PJ truly does not like celebrating his birthday in any extravagant way. He likes to have the lowest of low key birthdays with just us out of town, and so that’s what we do, and it’s become our family’s favorite tradition. The beach in May = celebrating dad’s birthday. I showed him the sweet birthday video many of you made for him here on Substack, and he was SO surprised and blown away. Thank you for that, seriously. What a beautiful video and message you sent his way. We all watched it in the living room together as a family and felt all the love. Ugh. You guys are the best. After that, he watched another video montage I put together for him of all of his friends and family wishing him a happy 40th with tears in his eyes. It was a sweet, sweet morning. After a chill day and a little nap, we went out to dinner in Alys Beach and walked around for a bit before eating at George’s, one of our favorites. It was great day, with some highs and some lows, because that’s life, but overall, there’s no place we would all rather be than celebrating the man we all love more than life. PJ is my favorite person in the world, as I’m sure you all know by now, and his birthday is my favorite day of the year. Happy birthday, my love. Thank you for being you.

Delete

It took almost three hours to get a table at George’s because of Memorial Day weekend, so we’ll keep that in mind for next year. Three hours with three hungry kids trying to entertain? I wouldn’t recommend!!!

What’s your Keep & Delete for today?

Happy Saturday!

How was your week? I’m so happy to be saying this: we’re sending this dispatch from the beach!!! School is officially out for summer, so we packed everything (and everyone—we brought all three of our dogs and our cat for the first time ever) and drove down to our little beach shack for a week to celebrate PJ’s birthday like we do every year. However, this year is an extra special trip because…

We’re celebrating PJ’s 40TH BIRTHDAY!!!

Can you believe it?! It feels like such a milestone birthday in all the best ways. He was 23 when I met him and 24 when we got together, and now here he is, all these years later, and I find myself even more in love with him than I did back then. Funny how life works like that.

However, our trip got off to a very, very rocky start (our dogs got food poisoning and it wasn’t a pretty drive down), and PJ is still recovering from a sickness he picked up this past week, so it’s hasn’t been the grand trip we’ve been planning for the last 6 months just yet. It can only go up from here, right?

Lastly, I wanted to thank you for all of the sweet comments on our letter from last week about our trip to Cancun re: the private photos we shared. Posting those felt extremely vulnerable and your sweet comments softened that landing for me. If you missed that post, click here to check it out.

Hope you have a magical weekend, and here are a few good things from the week.

1. Real Life

As I was folding clothes in the living room yesterday and packing up the kids in preparation to leave for the beach, I looked around our front room and was like WOW. No one ever gets to see this side of our life on social media. And then I thought, why not? We should all be posting more things like this so our perception of other people’s lives are not so warped. This is real life. This is what life looks like on any given day: clothes everywhere, a new deep freezer (because we’re a family of five and have never had one before for some reason) in the middle of the room that needs to be set up, baskets everywhere, piles of stuff in the corners. This is what life in action looks like and I don’t think it should be hidden away. I think it should be posted and shared and shouted because it’s what makes us US!

2. Project Hail Mary

Have you seen Project Hail Mary yet? It’s the highest-grossing film in Amazon MGM history and currently has a 95% approval rating. With all the good press, we decided to watch it last weekend at the farm as a family, and we all LOVED it. It’s about a science teacher turned scientist who wakes up in deep space with amnesia on a top secret mission to save earth from total destruction because of our dying sun. It’s thrilling, funny, and has a ton of heart. The only problem is, and it’s one all five of us agreed on: it was way too long. But still, it was so good!

3. Last Day of School

We walked our kids to school for the last time this school year! There wasn’t a big send off, and it was a bit anti-climactic if I’m being honest. It felt like any other day. But in reality, it was the last time we’ll walk our 5th grader to school probably ever. He’s going to 6th grade next year, and his school is across town, so we won’t be walking him to drop him off anymore, which is kind of heartbreaking. It’s the end of an era. He didn’t seem to mind much, but it’s sinking in for me. It’ll just be us and our younger two next year after I finish dropping our oldest off at his new school. But for now, school is out for the summer and we’re all ready for some beach time!!!

4. Rec League

Have you heard of Rec League? We recently joined after reading Joanna’s recommendation over on Cup of Jo and are already obsessed. It’s kind of like if Pinterest, Substack, and your coolest friend’s Notes app all had a baby. Think: a calmer corner of the internet where people share recommendations, inspiration, random thoughts, and all the little things that are making their life feel good lately. Honestly it feels like the old internet again in the best way. We’re sharing cozy finds, home inspiration, recipes, super specific recommendations, little life musings, and all the random things currently living rent-free in our heads. Feel free to give us a follow over there, if you want. We’re having a ton of fun already!

5. PJ’s 40th Birthday

You know I had to save the best for last. My guy is turning 40 tomorrow, and we made a funny video to celebrate. It made me laugh. If you follow our daily journal on Substack, Keep & Delete, this video was the Delete I mentioned the other day. It actually turned out better than either of us remembered, thankfully, so we decided to post it. We’re down here at the beach celebrating it with our family, which is what we do every year, and it’s our favorite place in the world to be for birthdays. We come down in March for mine every year, too. I can’t wait to squeeze him so tight tomorrow, give him his presents, and celebrate the man I’ve loved for almost half my life. PJ McKay, what would I do without you? What would we all do without you?

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1. PJ’s favorite sleep eye mask

2. My favorite blackhead remover

This Week’s YouTube Video

In this week’s vlog, we’re taking you to Cancun with us! We vlogged our entire trip, from every meal we ate to every drink we drank. This is just part one, so join us this Sunday on our YouTube for the premiere of part two!

Tuesday’s Letter

If you want to start receiving emails for Keep & Delete, our daily journal, you can do so by following the instructions below:

1. Go to your Substack account

2. Click on the publication you want to subscribe to (Okay McKay)

3. Click Manage Subscription

4. Find the Subscriptions section

5. Slide the toggle next to each section you want to receive notifications about (Keep & Delete)

6. Save your changes

If you want to see all the Keep & Delete’s so far, you can tap the link below. We also end each one by asking you to share your own Keep & Delete for the day, if you feel up to it.

Keep & Delete

What about you? What have you been up to recently?
PS: last week’s good things