Since I’ve been a bit nostalgic lately, I figure I should talk about other parts of my childhood. I grew up in what is effectively an all-white neighborhood in New Jersey. Out of approximately 5,000 people, the census showed around 12 people of color.

Surprise surprise: my hometown is overwhelmingly red and has been since I was a kid. I’ve written about it before, but I don’t think I ever covered what Juneteenth and other civil rights holidays tended to be life.

There were no Pride months when I was growing up. That’s a new thing. But apparently, other parts of the country did celebrate Juneteenth. Ever wonder what white kids like me knew about the holiday?

Well, let’s talk about it.

Juneteenth did not exist in my area until it became a federal holiday.

For those not in the know, Juneteenth is June 19th. It’s the holiday that celebrates the end of slavery after the Civil War’s Emancipation Proclamation. Though it was celebrated in parts of the country since 1866, it was only made into a federal holiday in 2021.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Our country had a holiday commemorating the freedom of millions of people, but we only actually recognized it on a federal level five years ago. What’s crazier is that most schools (at least the ones I went to) didn’t really even teach anything Juneteenth-related aside from the actual freeing the slaves part.

Most people of color don’t realize how ignorant and confused many otherwise well-read white people can be.

I went to a decent school system. The only real issue is that this system had was how white-washed everything was. My history lesson on the Civil Rights movement basically could be summed up into MLK curing racism and some lady sat on a bus so things worked out better.

With Juneteenth?

Well…

Yeah, we didn’t really go over it. We knew June 19th was when the Emancipation Proclamation was officiated, but we didn’t really know what Juneteenth was. If you were lucky enough to have a history buff teacher, then you might have heard that it existed.

Most children at my school had no idea that Juneteenth was celebrated in almost every state in the Union—even if it was unofficially. But that’s not even the strangest part about the great divide in culture and education I’ve noticed.

Yes, I’ve heard Juneteenth get called racist.

So, I heard mixed stories.

My Dad grew up in Dallas, where Juneteenth was a thing. He said they celebrated it by having black people hang out with white people, have picnics, and eat watermelon to celebrate the freeing of slaves. That’s all I knew.

Other white people explaining Juneteenth to me were not as upbeat as my dad. I’ve heard at least one person I grew up with say that Juneteenth was “racist” because it was focusing too much on Black people. Or that it “made white people look bad.”

Uh, yeah, white people are going to look bad for Juneteenth. We fucking enslaved people and literally fought a war to keep them as chattel. You cannot fucking make that look good.

Of course, the person who said Juneteenth was racist never really explained how it was racist or why it made white people “look bad.” Since I was a kid when I first heard it, I just assumed there was some kind of racism that I didn’t know about and parroted it back.

No, many white people have no idea how to celebrate Juneteenth.

From what I can tell, a lot of Juneteenth celebrations are very localized. So, while some might do Civil War re-enactments focusing on Black American troops, others might do cookouts, and some will go so far as to do rodeos. Overall, it’s a cool thing but we’re often lost on how to actually celebrate it.

So, you end up with people like my late dad talking about eating watermelon, others acting like that white teacher from The Boondocks asking Huey to chant “HARAMBE!” and even more just asking corporate HR how to acknowledge it properly.

Part of this is because it’s still a relatively new FEDERAL holiday, but there’s also more to it.

Every holiday has its own iterations that it goes through. For example, Christmas was once known as Saturnalia and it started off as a major hedonistic holiday. Then Christians took it over, it was still wild enough to get banned for a couple years, and eventually it became the Santa Claus-laden holiday we have now.

Juneteenth was primarily a local (and more importantly, a primarily Black) holiday up until recently. The end result is that different cities and locations will have different traditions since there’s no real nationalization of what Juneteenth is meant to look like right now.

As a nation, we’re still figuring it out.

Moreover, we’re still a nation that struggles with race relations on both a national and individual level. We have a president who would like nothing more than to erase BIPOC history from every textbook out there. We have people who assume that any acknowledgement of white wrongdoing is a personal attack.

Socially speaking, there’s a quiet little dance that a lot of white folks do to try to figure out whether or not the people around them will pitch a fit for trying to celebrate Juneteenth. It’s awkward and highlights a major issue in our country.

White people, we need to get our shit together.

Yes, Juneteenth is a Black holiday, but it’s also an American holiday. It’s a holiday that has to do with American history and it’s a holiday that means something very special to a lot of people.

What I’m saying is, fellow white people, we need to get our shit together. Juneteenth might make you uncomfortable or it may make you look clueless, but it is not up to minorities to educate us on a national holiday.

You can search online to find out how to celebrate it without looking like a douche.

You can tell people who get offended on behalf of white people to kick rocks.

You can wish others a happy Juneteenth or attend a local celebration—ain’t no one stopping you.

Maybe we should take this holiday as a sign that we can do better, hm?

Happy Juneteenth, from me to you.

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When I was a kid, being gay was not okay. Kids would call you “gay” if you did something stupid or lame. At one school I went to, a kid was allegedly pulled out of school due to bullying after one kid caught him kissing another boy.

Gay was not okay.

Then, people started to post about acceptance of gay people. Then, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy came in. Then, more and more people started to say that it’s okay to be gay. By the late 2000s, there was an active movement to allow gay marriage throughout the states.

By 2015, gay marriage was legalized in all 50 states thanks to Obergefell. Nowadays, most people tend to look at you a little funny if they think you’re against gay marriage.

At face value, it’s easy to go, “Yeah, being gay is okay. These people love each other. Why not?” It’s easy to assume that this was just bound to happen — but it wasn’t.

People don’t realize this, but the public opinion on gay rights changed at a breakneck pace through the 2000s to 2020s.

I’m not saying that things are perfect in the United States right now, as a gay person. You can still get attacked for being gay or trans. Jobs are less likely to be given to you. People still shun you. Most people on the street right now are LGBTQIA+.

However, as an older Millennial, I don’t think Gen Z has any idea how bad things were if you were gay in the 90s. Like, it was bad, bad. People stayed in the closet because the alternative often meant you might die, bad.

So, you might be wondering what changed.

It’s simple: the PR did.

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Lately, I’ve noticed how major media affects public policy.

Surprise: the narrative you feed people will dictate what they think is correct, 9 times out of 10. One of the reasons gay marriage got legalized when it did deals with all the positive press gay families were getting.

The power of media on the people is not a new thing. That’s precisely why the CIA had Operation Mockingbird: to sway the average opinion of Americans and guide the common discourse.

In recent years, fascists saw this and started to twist it to hurt rather than help others. Here’s how they do it and why we need to be aware of it when it happens.

They first select a fringe movement or lifestyle that suits their needs.

In the most recent case, this would be Christian tradwife stuff. For the sake of this article, I’m going to keep using the Christian tradwife movement as a rolling example.

Christian tradwife living is a niche lifestyle. In fact, even former tradwives tell women not to join the movement because you end up just being one argument or affair away from being homeless. Even most “trad” wives have a side gig they do in order to help pay bills.

Most people do not have the required income to support a family on a single income. Most people also don’t see being a wife as a “calling from God” nor do they see the idea of giving up their own personal agency as a wise idea.

Tradwifing might not be popular or feasible mainstream, but it is popular among conservative fascists who want to strip women of rights for their own means. They know that women’s rights has been positively correlated to upward mobility, especially for minority families.

So of course, they would pick tradwifing as a thing to back.

The movement is then pumped up via PR movements.

Public relations isn’t just a one-off thing. You need to generate buzz. So, every movement the Christofascists back tends to go through three phases:

1. The Sell. They want to “sell” this movement to you, either by making people feel good about themselves, giving people a common enemy, or trotting out a magical “cure” for something that seriously harms others. In the case of tradwifing, this lifestyle is a “cure” for women feeling burnt out by corporate life.

2. The Buzz. These groups will then start to generate buzz, often by getting bots to post troll comments on forums and paying off influencers to tout the movement. This is how the Mormon Church got linked to paying off trad and Mormon influencers on TikTok. In many cases, they will do it on the down-low so that it looks like legitimate grassroots support.

3. The Mainstreaming on TV. Once buzz reaches a boiling point, Christofascists will start placing influencers of the movement into mainstream news slots. For tradwives, this is how we got The Real Housewives of Utah as well as 19 Kids and Counting. It’s worth noting that sometimes, they’ll trot out the mainstream shows before they start generating buzz. This was particularly common earlier on. However, it’s started to switch around so that mainstreaming comes after buzz since the advent of TikTok.

4. Personal Essays. Around the time that you get Mainstreaming, you’ll start to see personal essays about the benefits of the movement hit Mainstream Newspapers. In the case of tradwife stuff, these essays often involved the “dangers of birth control” or stories about how women gave up on college for a man.

5. The Gauge. You’ll start seeing more and more pollsters asking opinions about these movements around these times. This is to quantify how well the movement pushes are working and to see when they can remove your rights.

If it’s a particularly unpopular movement, they will also start to silence others.

Ever notice how often people who are pro-birth control or pro-choice get shouted down during debates, despite there being scientific evidence to support their position?

Ever notice how often pro-choice posts or pro-sexwork posts get taken down on social media while anti-choice, anti-SW posts stay up? Or how often women get banned for saying they hate men while men can say they want to rape and kill women freely?

Yep. That’s silencing. It’s a way to push down arguments in hopes of making it seem like the majority of people support a cause, when in reality, the majority of people are just worn down.

Then, the politicians get to do their part.

Once politicians start seeing more and more people’s opinions change, they will slowly start trotting out the idea of removing rights or changing laws to fit the narrative backed by the rich powers that be.

By the time it gets to this point, you’re not going to be able to turn things around very easily. The fuckers in office will keep trying to test the waters until they slowly chip away the rights they once had.

Of course, the wealthy are not looking out for the little guy. They’re looking out for themselves. And eventually, even the dumbest, most hateful sack of crap will realize they’ve been hoodwinked by a slick PR performance.

Once people realize they’ve been fucked over, the rich and powerful just throw their hands up in the air, smirk, and go, “Well, what can you do? That’s just the law…”

Here’s why this matters now and what you need to be aware of.

It’s simple. If we could get gay rights to go mainstream in 20 years, we can also get women’s rights to become widely uncontested too. If we could make fascists afraid again in the 40s, we could do it again.

The thing is, we’re not dealing with an even playing field. We never were, but in the past, it was a lot more even than it is now. We’re dealing with Big Tech and Big Media calling all the shots, often in lockstep, against the common man.

If we’re going to be able to overcome this, it will take a concentrated effort to avoid bad actors, ignore the former institutions of media that we once trusted, and also oust those who are promoted by the people who are paid off by these megaliths.

And for fucks’ sake, we need to actually educate others on what’s going on and what media literacy is all about. That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.

I grew up in a very wealthy neighborhood during the 90s. The 90s were an odd time. On one hand, there was still a seething loathing toward women that could be felt in every corner of media — especially if you were plus-sized or a woman of color.

On the other hand, the same media that praised heroin chic would talk about how women could “have it all” those days. Of course, when they said we could “have it all,” they let you know what “it all” meant.

Without fail, upper-middle class women and wealthy women were expected to “have it all:”

• Kids. Ideally, two to three. A perfect 90s family was a married straight parent couple plus a boy and a girl. Maybe a boy, a girl, and an extra sibling. Of course, Mother Dearest was expected to raise them and hover around them because this was the beginning of helicopter parenting.

• A Great House. I might be wrong, but I really feel like the 90s was the beginning of a serious boom in home design. You had to be the “hostess with the mostest,” baking all sorts of goodies for the bake sale plus keep a spotless house. In upper-class homes, this often meant being the one to hire the cleaning lady two to five times a week. Oh! And don’t forget being the one to get the minivan detailed!

• A Great Body. Working to keep a home would turn anyone a little raggedy-looking. The 90s, from what I glean, was the first decade where looking great was a must rather than a bonus. This was particularly true in rich families.

• A Booming Career. This was the first round of “Boss Babes,” so to speak. The ideal 90s upper-class wife had a power suit on, but also had her own business. But she also was a homemaker.

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When I was growing up, the pressure to be a woman who “had it all” was immense.

Being a daughter in the 90s meant that you already had your life mapped out for you by everyone around you. You were never told to just find your own way or do your own thing, no. You were told what your future should be, step by step. It became known as the Life Script.

The most innocuous part of this indoctrination was education. College was the be-all, end-all of success pathways. Trade school was akin to failure. Countless moms would push their daughters into college, saying, “Don’t you want to have it all? A career will let you get so many more nice things!”

Looking back, I probably would have been very good in certain trades. But hey, toxic society is going to stay toxic. And while we’re on that topic, let’s talk about other, more venomous aspects of the Life Script…

Moms would often pressure their daughters to diet and dress nice so that a nice boy in college would get interested in them. But the girls couldn’t dress “slutty,” though no one ever quite figured out why certain clothes were “slutty” on some girls while being totally fine on others.

Then, there was the cooking. Maybe it was just in my town, but there was a divide between girls’ and boys’ scouts. Boy Scouts did outdoor adventures and survival. Girl Scouts…Well, we made bird houses, topiaries, and learned how to set a table.

Girls were given baby dolls, then told to love them because soon, they’ll have real babies to care for. Girls were told the best thing to be was a babysitter if they needed spare cash. In some circles, being a model was also acceptable.

So there you go.

Oh, what if you didn’t want kids? HAHAHAHAHAHA! No one would take you seriously. Some doctors would even bristle at you and say, “Yeah, no one wants them until they meet the Right Guy. So, I’m not going to let you make that decision, because your decision is wrong.”

This pressure continued well into the 2000s and 2010s.

The 2000s was, in my opinion, the final kick of sexual liberation. That’s when kink and threesomes started to get into the public discourse. And of course, that, too, became a part of “having it all.”

Magazines like Cosmopolitan pushed women to try new things. It even became a meme because so many of those old sex tips weren’t the least bit pleasurable. By 2010, a lot of women felt defective if they weren’t into anal or if they wouldn’t agree to a threeway.

I started to realize something about “having it all” according to society: at every point, “having it all” required women to work more and sacrifice more. At no point were men told to do the same.

Having it all was a farce. Women who did it all rarely had it all. Rather, they had a million people asking them to do more, be more, and try more. And if they asked for help, it was often met with blank stares or grumbles.

It was servitude and submission wrapped up in a cute outfit.

Of course, standards of output also started to ratchet up.

In the past, moms could just toss their kids in the backyard and let them play. Today, that would get a CPS call. In the past, homes didn’t have to look perfectly designed to get a compliment. Today, they do.

Believe it or not, blowjobs were not commonplace in the 1940s and 1950s. Today, men would balk if they never got their dicks sucked again and most try to push for anal.

No matter how much women worked, more standards seemed to pop up, demanding more, more, and more of their time.

Eventually, more and more women just threw up their hands and said, “I’m tired.”

Raising a kid and keeping a clean home are full-time jobs that you can’t even get a day off from. Yet, it’s unpaid labor that most women are just expected to handle, even if they are not interested in it.

In the past, men would go to work and earn the majority of the income. Women would mostly focus on the home — though some would also have to have jobs to support their family. Still, men were generally seen as people who provided.

Today, the bulk of households have a female breadwinner. Despite most homes having female primary earners, most male counterparts still do not do their fair share of childcare or home cleaning.

And yet, if women let their figures slip or don’t offer up sizzling sex, they’re the ones who get torn to shreds by society. If women lose their shit from overwork, they’re the ones who get punished while people simply ask men why their wives aren’t doing more.

For decades, men were able to extract more labor and wealth from women by dangling eventual reciprocity over them. I ought to know because it’s happened to me, too.

Today, thanks to the internet, the lie of reciprocity has been exposed. Most men never really wanted to do anything for the women they’re with and women are growing wise to that fact. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s true.

So, all things said and done, is it really that surprising that more and more women are just avoiding “having it all?” Is it really that surprising that statistics show that women are less likely to want a relationship than men are?

“Having it all” comes with some very fine print.

Yes, ladies, you can have it all!

Just…

Well…

What no one tells you about “having it all” is that you can’t have it all unless you have a lot of help — and even then, people will criticize you. Yes, women absolutely can “have it all,” as long as they have people helping them out as paid staff members.

If you try to “have it all” while you’re doing it with a man and some kids? Well, you can still have it all. It’s just that you’ll get everything but sleep and attention paid to your needs.

Personally, I think the “having it all” movement was fucked up on purpose.

I don’t think most patriarchal men really thought women could handle kids and the workplace. Then women did. And worse (for them), women got their own agency and started to realize that they didn’t need men.

Women’s freedom to choose their own lives is a major threat to the patriarchy. A career means women can leave their abusers. Kids make it harder to leave. Marriage makes it harder to leave. Slut-shaming makes it harder to find someone decent, even if you’re decent yourself.

Working mom trying to provide for the family? Oh, you don’t love your kid enough to be a stay-at-home. Stay-at-home mom? Oh, you’re a leech. Mom who raised six kids but lost her figure? Ugh! How could a man want her? She looks awful!

I can’t help but notice how much the government hates things like paid maternity leave, paid after-school care, or assistance for single moms. I can’t help but notice how many men rail against things like paying child support for the kids they fathered.

The more the system piled onto the plates of women, the more they expected of women. It became a game women could never win, no matter what they did.

It’s almost as if the patriarchy was trying to break women down so they’d go back to being in-house chattel. If it sounds like a conspiracy, it’s because it is one. Unlike other conspiracy theories, this one has evidence to its truth.

Project 2025 is open about it. That’s why they are trying to outlaw birth control and abortion. That’s why they gutted DEI. That’s why they slashed college funding. Most college grads are women.

Society requires the participation of women to function.

Women are the social safety net that keeps families from hitting the streets. Women are the de facto caretakers. Women are the ones who are there when men refuse to do their share.

Society has broken the silent contract it had with women as a collective. And right now? I don’t see any woman who wants to “have it all” the way we were told to have it back in the 90s.

I mean, why would they?

By choosing to “have it all” in a society that hates women and uses them, they’re choosing to have nothing for themselves. And frankly, I’m not sure that the social contract can ever be repaired in the same way it once was.

Hey everyone.

I grew up in a cult.

Okay, not quite. I grew up with my best friend, someone I considered a sibling, in a cult. It was not a normal Christian cult. It was a “culty cult,” the type of cult that people point at and go, “Hm, yep. That’s weird.”

The basic premise of the cult was simple: Jesus reincarnated as a guy from South Korea. The guy from South Korea and his wife were the “true mother and father” of all humanity, and they were there to reunite the Koreas, end communism, and raise an army for right-wing purposes.

Oh, and they also did arranged marriages en masse, picked by priests. The religion split after the leader died. My childhood best friend’s parents went with the more violent sect, which has taken to blessing AR-15s. Yep.

Having grown up in cults and actually gone so far as to end up in several culty groups back in my 20s, I know a cult when I see one. Not all cults are religious. Some are political, others business-like.

I’ve been noticing more and more people getting sucked into cults in recent years. Before you go “whole hog” on anything, watch out for these low-key warning signs.

I don’t think most people know what a cult is.

Cults are not just religions. They are any groups or movements that involve the following traits:

• High levels of control towards members or followers, to the point of losing their individuality. If y’all look the same, talk the same, have the same views, and only associate with one another, you might be in a cult. That’s why experts are now calling cults “High Control Organizations.”

• Isolation from friends and loved ones. Does the group you’re in eat up all your time, so you can’t hang with friends?

• Promotes a distrust of anyone not approved. If they keep hammering home how anything that isn’t cult-approved is bad, I got news for ya…

Basically, cults operate by control. They exploit the people they control, often for the benefit of a select few.

You’re dogpiled if you don’t follow the leaders or argue.

This is the biggest “tell” of a cult — and oh my dark Lord, it is so rife on the internet. The best example I’ve seen with this is the manosphere, where any man who defends women’s actions is met with scathing remarks from other men.

Standing up for your own beliefs or even just expressing doubt is a normal part of a group dynamic. You should be able to feel safe to do so. Groups that dogpile you for not following the overall message are generally not healthy groups.

The reason why dogpiling is done is to dissuade people from going against the leader. It’s a part of the BITE Model that encourages total obedience and discourages honest questioning about the organization and its motives.

I mean, think about it: would you really want to speak up about concerns if you knew it’d get you verbally thrashed? Ostracized? Beaten? Unemployed? Cults stamp out individuality. Getting others to harm you when you speak up is their primary method.

Note: There are exceptions to the rule. The only time it’s healthy to have people vehemently go against you is if you’re spouting hateful rhetoric that demonizes other people who mean no harm. (That’s called the Tolerance Paradox, FYI.)

There are specific people who call all the shots or steer the dialogue.

Do a handful of influencers seem to make or break the common assumptions in the group you’re in? Does a single person tell everyone what they should believe, think, or say?

Yep. That person is a cult leader.

Obedience, submission, and conformity are rewarded — while individuality is punished.

Cults do this weird thing where they hook people in by being super sweet and nice to you. When you first join, you’re the best person ever to them. They love you. They care for you. That’s why they want you to do what they say, can’t you see?

If you go along with the flow and say you believe in whatever it is, they reward you with more affection and inclusion. If you don’t? Well, bad things happen. Depending on what type of cult it is, it can be anything from getting laid off to getting killed.

Cult members are often encouraged to tell on people who don’t follow the rules to a “T.” So, you can never quite relax. You can never trust anyone. People quickly learn it’s all part of the kabuki dance — and eventually, everyone tends to choose to step on others to get ahead.

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You keep seeing a primary goal being dangled in front of your face.

Every cult has a specific “goal” or “prize” in mind that tends to be very alluring:

• For business cults like MLMs, it’s a prize of having an easy income that you can do while at home with family. They pitch you the dream of never going hungry again, as long as you “work the system” they gave you. They make it seem like a perfect money fountain, but you gotta work for it.

• For religious cults, it’s a spiritual cure-all. Religious cults will offer a new religion that solves all your problems: fitness, loneliness, a lack of community, or even love. They tend to wrap up everything as a major cure to everything you’re struggling with.

• For social cults, it’s often a means to an end or a sympathetic ear. The manosphere started in Pickup Artist circles where they offered a fast fix for men in need of dating advice. White nationalist groups and Trumpers started with influencers saying things like, “It’s not your fault you’re blamed for everything. You’re not privileged! They’re just using the [insert minority group] card to get ahead of you and that’s not fair.”

• For online propaganda cults, the goal is doing the right thing. This is the whole shtick that Q had. Q-Anon was claiming to be a group of whiz kids who saw connections related to a child trafficking ring, and that Trump was going to lead them to victory. Most Q’s started out because they thought they were doing right by others.

The goal is always there, but ever elusive. It never really materializes. It’s always just within reach. It’s just always right around the corner, yet never quite there.

You’re told how to date, how to marry, who to marry, and how to have sex.

This is not always a thing with cults, but I’ve noticed it with damn near every cult I’ve experienced firsthand or secondhand. A wise person once told me, “If they control your sexuality, they control you.”

I believe it. It’s saved my life a couple of times. Sex should not be a shameful act, nor should having a crush. If all parties consent, what’s the problem?

They regularly paint anyone outside the cult as a bad person or a danger to the cult.

There is no such thing as a cult that doesn’t try to pull followers away from outsiders. Cults will often call outsiders names like “worldly,” as a way of suggesting that they will corrupt you. This is true with Mormonism as well as more extreme sects like FLDS.

If you’re dealing with an economic cult (like an MLM), you’ll hear them urge you to cut off anyone who “doesn’t support your dreams.” This is normally good advice, but not when it’s a business designed to drain your bank accounts and work you to the bone.

You notice that you’ve been deceived or that certain things aren’t revealed to you.

If you ask a rational question during your group’s meeting, what kind of reaction do you get? Do people answer it clearly with science-backed papers? Or, do they wave it off with one of the following:

• “You’ll understand later.”

• “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

• “That’s anti-[group].”

• “You shouldn’t question it. [leader] cares about you and that’s all you need to know.”

• “Don’t you have faith?”

If you push more, you might hear someone say, “I’m not mad with you…just disappointed,” plus a bunch of guilt tripping.

Any hurt caused by the group is quietly excused or covered up.

Oh, did those ideologies hurt your best friend? Well, I’m sure [group] had a reason for it. Or maybe it didn’t happen. Oh, the leader beat you up? It didn’t happen. The leader is perfect.

Sound familiar? If you find yourself harmed by the group, you’ll notice that nothing ever comes of it. They will hem and haw, then brush it under the rug. You will have faith in justice at first, but that justice never comes.

You get pressured to ignore it. You get pressured not to call it out. Because you know that if you do, you’ll get shunned or removed or even beaten for it. You want to say something but you can’t.

So, you quiet down. You start to question yourself. Maybe you deserved it. Maybe you were just too much. And you get back in line. Because by the time you’re hurt, you pushed everyone away who could have helped you and you have nowhere to go.

Right now, we have a lot of cults harming the United States.

The most obvious one is the cult of Trump, but it’s far from the only one. We can also talk about Q-Anon, certain “religions,” online TikTok cults, as well as the manosphere.

The only way to stop a cult is to question it, offer a network for escapees, and actively innoculate people against the traps cults lay. But we’re not ready to have that chat, are we?

We’re about 1 month away from the 250th anniversary of the beginning of the United States. 250 years since the Declaration of Independence was signed, since John Hancock put his John Hancock on the document, since George Washington became the first president ever.

If you were like me and went to school in a “traditional” conservative region, you probably had a teacher who was passionate about US history. For me, that was my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. L.

She was a petite, fiery red headed Irish lady who loved to talk about the Revolutionary War.

She would talk about how Americans rebelled, how they wanted to rail against taxation without representation, how America’s spirit was all about refusing to buckle to a king, demanding freedom, and equality…

Heck, she made it sound like an amazing journey to freedom for all parties involved. When she said that America’s story was one of rebellion and that we were the best country in the world, I damn well believed it.

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You know, there are times when I think I have it all figured out. Or rather, I feel like I have myself figured out. I’m 38 years old, I should know the basics of why I act the way I do, why I feel certain types of ways, and why I just “Ossiana,” right?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about something.

Every single relationship I’ve ever had with a man felt forced. It felt weirdly wrong and when it didn’t, it often didn’t last long. It felt like I had to explain to men how to woo me — and in many cases, it often made me angry. Like, furiously angry.

I often found myself wondering why it was so hard to be with a man. Why did so many women find the romance and whisking away they wanted while I got aggravation, rage, trauma, and disappointment?

Why did it always feel like I enjoyed the theory of a man, only to be grossed out by actual cisgender men in my life? Why does it always seem like I have to teach men how to man? And more importantly, why is it that every time I have a lesbian relationship, it hits 10 times harder?

Enter an article about comphet.

Comphet is a short slang word for “compulsive heterosexuality,” and it’s the idea that society tends to brainwash us into being straight. You check out people of the opposite sex. You marry. You have kids. You are in “love,” because that’s what you do.

I knew comphet was a thing. Every princess’s happily ever after was because some dude with a penis came to “rescue her,” and honestly? I’ve always wanted to be rescued. I’ve always waited for the day that I get a date that I didn’t have to beg, plead, and cajole for — a date where the guy doesn’t pay me to leave.

As the years passed, my desire for men started to shrink more and more. Sex with men became a quest for touch and validation, not because I even liked them. Truth be told most of my flings were boorish assholes and I’m sure they’d call me a crazy bitch if they were asked.

Still, I kept barking up that tree, because that’s what I wanted. Or at least, I thought that’s what I wanted. I wanted to prove to people I’m worth loving and committing to. I wanted to prove to others I’m worth wooing. I wanted to show people that someone, anyone would put a goddamn ring on it.

Because…I was supposed to. I am supposed to be worth it, right?

That article started to shine a light on things — and what I realized is that I might not be straight at all.

Comphet brainwashing fucks with your mind in ways that are hard to describe. If any of the following sound like you, you might be dealing with comphet issues:

• As a woman/female-presenting ENBY, you inevitably fall into the “man’s role” in any relationship you have. Yep. I wanted to be “the woman,” but it was almost as if my mind wouldn’t let it happen. Or any guy who straight up wanted to do that stuff for me, it often would turn out to be sabotaged or extremely long-distance.

• You’ve had sex with lots of women, but you just said you were pansexual because you felt you had to get with a guy. Bonus points if you used threesomes as an excuse to get with girls or if you can only cum if you think of other women being involved in the bedroom. (Oops. That’s me.)

• You want to hit on girls, but have no idea if they’re interested, so you don’t approach them at all and just awkwardly exist near them. Story of my life.

• You dress like diesel dyke Bobbie from the DykeDolls collection. Yeah, I did have a green vest back in the day. I also have a red vest now. Yes, that’s what I look like, down to the braless tank tops and leather jackets and collar.

• People have remarked that your boyfriends all seem very effeminate, with some later coming out as gay or trans. One of my exes got too drunk and got into an argument with someone accusing him of “faking acting gay.” He was so offended that he wasn’t taken as a “real gay” that he insisted we leave. I kind of just sat there and asked him if there was anything I should know. He told me I wouldn’t understand.

• You’ve started to realize you like the idea of a man more than you do a man. Or, if you’re like me, you often try to get the men you’re dating to wear a dress.

• When dating, you find yourself attracted to transwomen more than anything. I like their softness. I like their penises. I like their girly behavior and I like the way they just seem to connect with me on a level I never experienced with a man.

• Any fantasy you have about men involves a lot of violent sex. I honestly believe this has more to do with my trauma than it does with my attraction to men. My pleasure-pain nerves are pretty fried — to the point that my pain tolerance has scared people. Like, for real, how many other people do you know get off on being stabbed or deepthroating a gun?

• When you’ve dated women, it felt like 10 times more intense than when you dated men. Apparently not every person has a screeching fit on the NJ Transit train if their girlfriend leaves them for a man. (Looking at you, Jessica. Hope he was worth it.)

• Most of the anger and sadness you’ve had in hetero breakups had nothing to do with the man, and everything to do with the feeling of being cheated out of money, time, and effort. Maybe this is the biggest giveaway. I am so tired of doing everything right, giving not-so-subtle hints, and feeling like I just got stuff stolen from me by piece of shit men who I wasn’t even attracted to. L

• You assume that everyone likes women, including gay men. Apparently, no, not everyone is attracted to women. Also, apparently no, most women don’t have to tamp down on their desire to check girls out in the locker room by staring at the floor.

• People have told you that you’re blatantly obvious when you’re into a girl. Yeah, I’m not subtle at my staring and blushing and acting like a fucking idiot.

• You wonder if you’re into women for attention or if you’re into them. Considering how heavy we’re socialized to desire men, it’s normal to question why you’re into guys. I feel gaslit as shit.

I started to realize it after I started dating transwomen post-divorce.

I’ve been casually seeing Fiona* for about three months now. She’s exactly the type of person I connect with. She’s straightforward. She’s down with casual stuff. She’s smart and has the darkest sense of humor I’ve ever seen.

Then, I met Amelie*. Amelie and I first crossed paths on a train and we almost immediately got to talking. We have the same sense of style. We have the same religion. We have the same attitudes on sexuality and everything else.

Then, I got into a serious relationship with another transperson who recently revealed to me that they may want to transition into being a woman. The thing that attracted me to them? I felt more drawn to their energy.

The reason I was attracted to this person was because they presented male. I was like, “FINALLY! A guy who actually feels right with me! Oh my god, I love him! He’s perfect.”

Cue me finding out that he’s not a guy.

I started to look at my hetero dating life and it was abysmal. At best, it felt forced — like I was made to perform some complex kabuki dance I didn’t know the steps to. I don’t remember the last time I actually felt butterflies in my stomach from a guy right off the bat. Maybe I never did.

More often than not, I got those after they would pursue me and shower me with love and gifts. Then, shortly after, it’d all go to shit. And I’d feel cheated because I let some guy I wasn’t that into in again and I thought I could just deal with him and now I fucking just hurt myself more.

Dating men started to feel like an workout in self-flagellation, a form of self-harm. I never felt that way with any of the women I dated. Hell, my dates with transwomen and women actually leave me feeling happy and refreshed.

I still remember when Fiona threw a dance party in her office with me. After I told her my ex used to make fun of me for loving DJ Rankin, she looked at me and said, “There’s nothing wrong with DJ Rankin. It feels like he’s beating happiness into my skull.”

And we danced. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel defective. I felt beautiful.

Is that…normal?

Amelie was the one who said it: “Ossiana, I thought you realized you were a power dyke. Just the way you carry yourself, you’re a butch who looks femme.”

Annnnnd cue my world crashing down.

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Shit, I might be gay.

Her words stuck to me because it felt weirdly on point.

Don’t get me wrong, I like how dick feels. However, I don’t think I like what’s attached to it. I prefer dating women and transwomen, generally speaking. Yet at the same time, I’m not sure.

I don’t think I’ve ever questioned myself as much as I have this past week.

Is this because men traumatized me? Am I actually gay? What if this is just my brain wishing I was gay because I failed to get a male mate? Do other women feel like they have to just put up with men to prove something to others?

I genuinely don’t know what to do right now.

You’d think as an LGBTQIA+ writer, I’d be ready with an arsenal of answers. Unfortunately, I feel like I knocked the wind out of myself. My primary partner might eschew any shred of being male soon and for some reason, it hurts.

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be pursued by a man, have a beautiful wedding day with a pretty floofy dress. I like the feeling of a dick in me. And yet it feels more and more impossible and wrong with each passing year.

I want to cry. I want to grieve the future I never will have — the future little O wanted to have more than anything in the world. The future little O quite literally sold her soul to receive. Yet I feel like I am not allowed to cry over it.

I wish I knew why my sapphic relationships all were so much healthier than my straight ones. I wish I knew why it’s so hard for me to just think of a future that I was told I didn’t want. I wish I could, at least in one department in my life, feel normal for once.

I want to know what’s wrong with me and why I’m so upset at the thought of me being gay. I don’t know if I can stay with my partner if they end up taking the femme role instead of me. But at the same time, I’m not sure I can handle facing myself in the mirror right now.

Part of me is thinking of going on dates with males to see if I feel anything or to see if I’m actually gay or just traumatized into being a women’s-only ride. (Is that a thing?) The other part of me thinks that I should ask a therapist but at the same time, I had HORRIBLE luck with therapists and generally don’t trust them. It’s a mindfuck.

Comphet fucked my brain up.

I don’t have all the answers to this one. I wish I did. All I know is that I really wish that I didn’t have gender roles and dating concepts beaten into my head by people who “loved me” enough to show me that it had to be a certain way to allow you to feel valued in society.

If anyone needs me, I’ll probably be drunk this week. Sorry.

Not too long ago, a viral CNN story broke out about a secret online community of men who taught one another how to dose their wives, girlfriends, friends, and even own children with drugs so that they could take advantage of them.

I’ve covered this in the past, but it’s been a rehash of why this scandal was as bad as it was. After I covered it, Motherless was taken down. People celebrated. As a porn professional, I was mixed on my feelings.

I feel like maybe I should speak out, now that we actually are seeing Motherless get back online.

Yes, I work in porn — and I’m pretty passionate about it.

Along with being a Loyalfans model, I am a softcore actress as well as a lingerie model. In the past, I worked as a porn journalist (yes, we exist) as well as a PR assistant, a software engineer, and also as a CMO for an adult cam platform.

I can’t say I really chose this career, per se. It chose me. I literally kinda got swooped into it by my 9-to-5 copywriting and SEO jobs. And after a while, I realized the industry was full of my people.

Porn is not just a job for me. It’s something I’m passionate about. I see it as a civil rights cause, a home for my crazy ass, as well as one of the most wrongfully hated media genres in the world.

Pornography can be beautiful. It can be cerebral. It can be real. And that’s what I aim to do.

One of the biggest issues that I see in porn deals with exploitation and abuse.

And it’s gotten me into trouble with SWERFs. And if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I go into porn because they think I hate myself or something, I’d probably make Elon Musk blush.

Truth is, porn has helped me heal. It’s given me agency over my own body and sexuality again. In a world that always told me I was too much, that my appearance was too sexy, or that I’m too horny, porn made me embrace myself.

Much like with many of the other ways I’ve healed myself, porn is controversial. It’s a double-edged sword. I have had excellent experiences. Others have seen porn turn into a walking nightmare.

The Motherless Rape School Scandal, as it’s known, is one example of how porn can hurt rather than help. And while I defend the industry quite a bit, this is one of those things that can’t truly be argued as a good thing.

Why was Motherless allowed to go back online?

On a social level, your guess is as good as mine. Motherless is not my type of site. It doesn’t pay its talent. Adult content creators basically only use it to disseminate their more extreme content and create a way to advertise their brand.

It’s touted as a user-generated content site geared toward extreme fetishes. It sounds simple enough, right? Well, it would be — if everything was reasonably safe, totally consensual, and mostly sane. That’s where things got fucked up.

When the Motherless Rape School Scandal hit, Dutch officials took the site offline while they ran investigations. Unsurprisingly, it was legal red tape that ended up making it take a rest.

Legally, there was an explanation given. NL Times had this to say about its return:

“While the parent company is registered in Costa Rica and the domain in the Czech Republic, the servers were found to be physically located in Steenbergen, Noord-Brabant, at hosting provider Nforce. This physical presence in the Netherlands enabled Dutch authorities to take action.

Motherless said in a statement that it has restored access to the site after strengthening its moderation systems. The platform says it has introduced extra reporting tools designed to identify illegal material and abuse-related images faster, and to ensure they are permanently removed.”

In other words, the site did what they felt was reasonable in fixing the issue — at least, tech-wise. But that doesn’t mean the issue was fixed. It just means that they covered their rear ends enough to avoid major problems.

Personally, I don’t think that Motherless did enough. Unfortunately, if you’re dealing with extreme fetish stuff involving real people, you need to have a lot better accountability and safety procedures than a typical adult site will have.

This is one of those very few instances where I think that having ID linked to your username is a must-have. It could have saved a lot of women from getting raped.

Still, the law is treating the Rape School Scandal as a “don’t hate the platform, hate the individual rapists,” and I understand that stance — to a point.

Let’s talk about the fetish in the room.

Alright, I’ll bite the bullet here: I’m a hardcore kinkster. I have certain paraphilias that are potentially lethal (to me) if actually explored. I’ve realized that certain things can only be explored through fake, acted out stuff.

So, let’s talk about Motherless. Motherless has a lot of fetish content that walks the line between falsified assault, potential murder, and disease hotbed activity. This is not hyperbole. This is fact.

Here’s the thing.

If it was done consensually, safely, and with actual responsible content makers, it should be fine. Sometimes, we all need an outlet for our darker desires. There should be discussions with that type of media about what is normal, what isn’t, how to mitigate dangerous kinks, and safety protocols.

#Sleep, one of the hashtags (erm categories) that was used for “content” that involved drugging women before raping them. Many other tags were also used — and police are still trying to figure out who actually raped their partners.

A lot of the women who had their faces and bodies posted didn’t consent. They didn’t even know it happened. Their “loved ones” did that to them and those men should be arrested. Investigators are still “investigating.”

As a person who’s seen how investigators treat women, I’m not holding my breath. More disheartening still, since Motherless went back online, traffic went up 30 percent.

If Motherless wanted to be above reproach, here’s what it would take.

Motherless is aiding and abetting the rape of women. Actually, let’s go harder. I would go so far as to say some of the women in the #Sleep scandal were trafficked by the men they loved.

Want it to stop? Great. Let me explain what it should take:

• Get IDs of all users. Yes, it should be stored and linked to an actual name, address, and age. Require every user to go through verification the way OF does. Once a user stopps going on the site for 30 days, they can remove the info. No state issued ID? Cool. No porn for you.

• Get age verification of all content creators. OF and LF does it. Why can’t Motherless? And yes, the burden should be on the creators to prove that all people in the photos and videos they take are consenting to it. In the US, we have age verification contracts and require people to hold up their IDs to their face to prove age of consent.

• Use AI to scan for illegal activities. Yes, this could have solved a lot of shit. AI can scan conversations to see if something sounds nefarious. It should have been brought up to mods. (Does Motherless even have mods?)

• If someone says they didn’t consent to content, automatically remove the content, log evidence, and notify police if the “creator” can’t furnish consent forms. Once again, not that hard to do.

Kink porn can be difficult to legislate and keep safe. It’s up to platforms to do the work. Sadly, Motherless does not have the best track record for making itself a safe site.

But why not require this for all sites?

For the most part, you already have to, minus the account thing. If you’re watching mainstream content, there’s a much lower chance of damage. OnlyFans and Loyalfans are simple sites doing vanilla content.

As long as their performers do age verification and can furnish consent forms for their content, they’ve done enough. They already have a policy that requires their mods to take down content that was not consensual.

OF and LF are also based in a country (America) that is notoriously attacking the porn industry as a whole. That alone puts porn users at a risk if they have to show their IDs.

As a porn professional, I’m asking authorities to take down Motherless.

Sex stops being fun when consent is removed, when it turns into violence against spouses, and when it turns into schools where men learn to rape kids. Motherless gives us good porn people a bad name. And frankly, I’m sick of it.

Hey Everyone,

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to build a real community — not just a comments section, not just a follower count, but an actual space where people who give a damn can think, argue, laugh, and push each other.

That's what this membership has always been for me. And I want more of you inside it. I know a lot of people have been struggling with money, and really, who can blame you? Everything is going up in price. I want to change that.

So in a few days, I'm doing something I've never done before: dropping the price on all my work— significantly — for a limited window. And is too.

For the first time ever, you'll be able to join , , , , and for $5/month or $50/year (down from $7/$70). That's your pass to exclusive essays, members-only discussions, early access to my work, and a community of readers who actually read.

Oh, and if you like to spooge? Yep, my Loyalfans is getting a discount too.

No tricks. Just good, honest indie writing and a seat at the table.

I'll send the full details soon. But if you've ever thought about joining and talked yourself out of it — that window is about to open in 2 days.

Watch your inbox.

— Ossiana

Yanni tried to explain to me, very calmly, in the way he explains most things to me, that not every grocery store in America has an organic aisle — and I want you to understand that this was genuinely the most shocking information I received that day.

We talk about Bojangle’s, how I walked through a grocery store, why Yanni got nervous around cops, and how I didn’t make sense of an ant hill. I don't know what happened to me in there. I don't know that I'll ever fully recover. This is our story: #ossiyanni

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Back when I was still running around New York City as a single, roving underground raver, I had quite a few moments when I ran into gang members. This was true even during Donald Trump’s first run for the presidency.

Today, I was thinking about one of those incidents. It happened around Union Square, and there was a drug dealer who was a known associate of a local gang that I occasionally would buy cheap weed from. He had asked me who I was voting for — and I said Clinton.

“Oh, that’s dumb,” he said. “I’m voting for Donald Trump.”

I gave him a puzzled look. Then, I explained to him that Trump was literally the dumbest candidate out there — not to mention the most sexist, racist, and hateful candidate the GOP ever pushed out.

More importantly, he was running on the platform of getting rid of gang members from city streets by any means necessary. This guy was literally running on the platform of being “tough on crime” while having a track record of pushing for weaponized “justice” against people of color.

This dealer, who we’ll call Ace*, was Black. And covered in gang tattoos. Despite my explaining to Ace why he was voting for a candidate who openly wanted to target him, he remained adamant that this was his pick because he was afraid of Clinton’s idea of gun control.

I shook my head, sighed, took my weed, and left. Ironically, the last time I heard of Ace, the rumor was that he had died in a shooting.

I want to say this is an exception to the norm, but it actually isn’t.

Ace is far from the only gang member I have met in passing who openly admitted to voting for Donald Trump. I’ve heard rumors of white gang members (not racist gangs like the KKK, but like other white guys) voting for Trump or supporting him if they had felony charges.

I’ve also met several Latin gangsters (and associates) who foolishly voted for him, seemingly blissfully unaware that they may have just voted for their abuelas’ deportations. And I’ve even met other people in traditionally Black gangs vote Trump.

So, what’s the deal here?

Why are so many people who are going to get crushed by the GOP voting for their own demise? And more importantly, why is it so frequently criminal people?

Simple: gangsters recognize gangster behavior.

Most people don’t understand what life in a gang does to your brain. It literally rewires it. Hypervigilance is the norm. You size up every person you see. You work under certain bylaws of “how things are done” because you know you can get killed if you don’t.

After a while, it becomes second nature. You get used to the elevator stare you do, sizing up everyone to see if they’re a threat or with someone you don’t like. You get used to wondering if something’s a coincidence.

Gangster mentality is a weird part of PTSD and culture. Yes, it’s clear that there is that constant hypervigilance. What most people don’t understand is that there is also a lot of other stuff that goes on in your mind, specifically certain key points of the culture:

• Loyalty. If you are disloyal in gang life, you can get killed. Loyalty and following the leader are the basic minimum. If you say no, you’re probably going to end up dead. You don’t say no. You can always tell who the shot caller is because everyone just follows what he says.

• Reciprocity. In a weird way, gangsters have a very core tenet of paying in kind. If you’re good to them, most are great to you. If you’re bad to them or piss them off, you’re going to have a not-fun time. Without reciprocity, you get anarchy pretty quick.

• Finessing. So, while there is some kind of weird reciprocity going on, there is also a thing that I’ve seen called “finessing.” Finesse is when you work your strings to get ahead in the game. You have friends, yes, but you don’t have friends you can always trust — at least, not all the time. If you’re deep in, your biggest focus is trying to get higher up in the ranks. That makes you a threat to others. But you still want to be top dog, so you keep climbing, proving your loyalty and your ability to run it.

• Flexing. A lot of gangsters really play up how crazy they are or how fearless they are. There’s a lot of chest-beating machismo in gang culture. Why? Because it’s an intimidation thing. You flex. You show how hot you are. Because you want people to recognize that you are the wrong one to mess with.

• Silence. Because snitching is how you die. Silence is what keeps you out of prison. Because gangsters all have dirt on their deeds, it’s understood that you do not tell officials who did what.

A lot of this culture has those tenets that hold it together as glue.

If you take a look at how Trump works, he works like a gangster — but he is NOT a gangster.

He forces people out of their positions and stuffs cronies in there. He demands tribute from those he hits up for protection money. He tried his damndest to silence whistleblowers and get the Epstein files expunged — to the point that the DOJ openly admitted they’d never pursue the child rapists.

Even the way Trump talks is gangster-like in its own way. He’s constantly flexing. He’s constantly talking to people who act like they’re made of steel, though they are often cowards. It’s flex, flex, flex to try to bully and browbeat others into silence or compliance.

Trump and Trumpians tend to reward loyalty — up to a point. But Trump? He’s the king of getting people to finesse around him. He pits others against one another to keep them in line, constantly vying for a chance to be the next Godfather.

Trump acts like a gangster, but he is not a traditional gangster.

However, there’s a (not so) small issue about Trump that most gangsters seem to ignore.

A gang boss in office might seem like a good thing to gangsters. I mean, it’s one of their own, right? You would think that he would bail out every gang member out there, right? Well, not quite.

Trump is not a normal gangster. He doesn’t do reciprocity the way that classic bosses do. He doesn’t pass on the crown when he realizes he’s not doing well. He also doesn’t like other gang members because they remind him of what he really is.

This man does not feel loyalty to the life, nor does he feel loyalty to those around him. He hates the people around them. He hates that he is a gangster. Reciprocity is only something he does when he feels he needs more muscle to work for him.

The only man Trump cares about is Trump.

Trump is not a gangster’s friend.

Gangs don’t do well when you have a sociopathic person who doesn’t care about the organization at the helm. This is particularly true when you’re a grunt — such as the vast majority of the people who voted for him as well as politicians he secretly hates.

Gang members, particularly non-white gang members, are generally not even grunts to Trump. They’re adversaries. They’re reminders of his failure in his mind. They’re the proverbial “whipping boys” and punching bags of his.

Trump will never bail out a Blood or a Crip member. Trump will never bail out an MS-13 member. He will never, ever give gangsters a way out of gang life — despite many of them deeply desiring a way to transition out.

Trump wants gang members to suffer and he wants gang stigma to be high enough to keep them in the streets. He does not want gang affiliation to be a thing that can be excused so they can get jobs. He does not want jail reform.

In fact, he wants more people to live that life because jail labor is slave labor, which makes him more money. That’s why he and the GOP have been passing policies that disenfranchise others.

So, yeah.

Trump is not a traditional gangster.

He’s something far, far crueler.

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Society is not kind to divorced women.

It’s not.

Most women who are granted child support don’t get full amount. Most women are more likely to deal with poverty after divorce than men. And in many cases, women have to give up their homes, spend thousands, and more to get away from their exes.

When women get divorced, it’s a story often painted as a woman who has found someone better, wanted to upgrade, or just stopped loving a man. It’s never that. No one, regardless of gender, makes a divorce decision with ease.

I thought that I would be one of the rare few who didn’t really feel much during a divorce. As it turns out, that was a lie. My body kept the score, even when I thought I was mostly “over it.”

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You know, there are few things as aggravating as watching Republican voters realize they’ve been duped or that they voted for the wrong candidate.

I don’t fudge words when I say that Trumpism is a cult — a political cult that’s turned somewhat religious. A lot of the most hardcore of the conservative world genuinely seem to believe that Trump is Jesus.

Some called Obama the Antichrist. Some claimed Trump was the reincarnation of Jesus, which is hilarious because he’s a horrible person. And they voted red because “God told them to.”

A lot of people are asking if Trump is the Antichrist and that’s a massive fall from grace.

I’m not going to get into the Trump cult vibes today, but I will say this: it’s pretty bad. There are actual people who straight up try to pray to Trump in Q-Anon circles. The media even painted him as “God’s Chosen President,” no lie.

Ironically, if they had ever read the Bible, they would have realized that Trump is not Jesus. Actually, there’s a lot more suggesting he’s the Beast than anything else — and that’s me just talking straight from the Bible.

In fact, the similarities between Donald Trump and the Antichrist aren’t even just a Christian thing. It’s also a Muslim thing. A senior cleric from Iran recently announced that he thinks that Trump is al-Dajjāl, which translates into “The Great Satan.”

Hey, I have to paywall articles once in a while. Help me get (and enjoy) my trip to South Carolina!

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Man, we live in a weird-ass, fucked up timeline. Domestic terrorists got a billion-dollar slush fund for storming the White House on January 6th, but no one says a word about it. Quite the opposite.

The new government-approved boogeyman is the trans community. Donald Trump famously said, “We will find you and we will kill you,” in a recent conference. His main goals were ISIS and far leftist.

No, trans people didn’t storm the capital. In fact, trans people are far less likely to commit violent crimes than cisgendered people. Most of them just want to be able to live the lives they want to live without hurting anyone.

Trans ideology isn’t extremist except to those who adore fascism. We just want to live and let live. We want people to stop being obsessed with our genitalia. We want people to let us use the damn bathroom.

This is personal to me. I’m gender non-conforming nonbinary, and I consider myself trans. However I present female out of convenience and my porn work’s sake.

There is not a single trans person alive who has not dealt with harassment in their life.

I had doctors ignore my pleas for sterilization. I’ve had them ignore my pleas when I told them a vaginal birth would cause gender dysphoria. I’ve had doctors roll their eyes at me when I said I don’t want to be a girl.

Can you imagine what it’s like to have to constantly explain, beg, plead, and cajole those Nazis in white labcoats just to treat you the way you want to be treated? It happens to all women, but it happens to trans people an order of magnitude more frequently.

In fact, in certain states, trans people can’t even use the bathroom. Going in certain areas can even turn into an arrest. Why? Because of the boogeyman of transpeople being deviants—despite Republicans who push these laws being the ones who repeatedly get into legal trouble for being pedophiles.

Most of us, whether more “closeted” like myself or more open like my girlfriend, are tired. We’re just fucking tired. We just want to exist without having to answer questions.

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Recently, the first “detransitioning” center has opened up in Texas.

Texas was forced to open up a “detransition clinic” in their top hospital after a $10 million settlement with the DOJ. This is a massive waste of money because kids do not just randomly say they are trans, jump through a million hoops, beg parents for help, and deal with harassment just to “be cool.”

No, most of us knew we were trans way earlier than 18.

I knew I hated being a woman since I was five years old and wanted to show off how macho I was. I didn’t want to be a mom. I hated dolls. I wanted to swordfight and play with blow torches and make leather crafts. I also loved the idea of a “pretty boy” aesthetic for myself.

What I’m saying is that the clinic will not be patronized by parents who want the best for their kids—unless they are actively threatened with forced removal by the government. What they did was basically create a torture center for kids who are already far more vulnerable than people want to admit.

In recent years, this has been an ongoing issue with America.

America lauds itself on being the “land of the free and the home of the brave,” but we’re really not either. I don’t think this shitty country has ever truly been free. In recent years, it feel like the powers that be have been working double time to try to take away freedoms we barely even got.

No one is really free to be themselves if they don’t have freedom to choose what to do with their bodies. No one is really free if they don’t have support that allows them to exist as they see fit, provided they’re not hurting anyone.

Here’s what I mean.

• Being trans hurts no one.

• Being trans and taking a piss in a bathroom hurts no one.

• Being childfree hurts no one.

• Choosing sterilization hurts no one.

• Being married to a gay person hurts no one.

• Providing lifesaving care to women hurts no one.

• Providing medical care to trans people hurts no one.

• Kissing in public hurts no one.

• Watching porn that was made ethically hurts no one, provided that you’re an adult who actually makes a point of learning media literacy.

• Making porn consensually, safely, and ethically hurts no one.

Yet we have an uphill battle in doing all of these things. And if we’re attacked or harassed as a result of doing any of these things, guess what: the state will typically do nothing to save us.

Ironically, rapists are far more likely to walk away Scot-free from a charge than doctors are for offering lifesaving care. And yet, we’re supposed to believe that we’re “free?”

Why, because we theoretically can go to another state or another doctor to get our needs met? That’s not the reality for most Americans. Most Americans can’t afford a single visit to the doctor, let alone a major medical issue. And we’re supposed to go to dozens of doctors just to get our tubes tied or gender-affirming surgery?!

That isn’t freedom. That’s double standards.

Freedom isn’t just freedom to do something.

By that theory, North Korea is very free. Anyone could theoretically speak out against the state. However, “accidents would happen” and they would likely be killed. By that theory, Indian women are totally free. It’s just that doing certain things would get them gangraped.

True freedom happens when all of these things are true:

• You are legally allowed to do something that hurts no one else when done responsibly. This can be transitioning, using certain substances, speaking out against the government, or doing porn.

• You do not have to fear for your life or for litigation while doing it. In America, brownshirts will kill you and the government will look the other way. Or they will sue you into oblivion to silence you.

• You feel like you have some kind of support to do that thing. Whether it’s divorcing a spouse or getting hired as a person of color, you want to know that you have some kind of support, community, and amenities available to you.

• You have legal protections that are enforced allowing you to do those things. This is a thing for gay marriage. This is what the Civil Rights act and Title IX are for. They are legal protections.

We used to have some kind of legal protections that were still enforced. The GOP and Trump took those away.

For all the squawking we hear about protecting freedoms, I don’t hear much about what freedoms they want to protect.

So, where’s my girlfriend’s freedom to use a bathroom?

Where’s my freedom to get sterilized without worrying that a doctor will smirk, say no, tell me a “baby would fix you,” then usher me out the door with a $150 bill?

Where’s my daughter’s freedom to have two loving fathers?

Where were Charlie Kirk’s critics freedoms when some of them got fired or beaten for saying he was a shitty human being? What was that about free speech?

Why aren’t those freedoms important?

Oh yeah.

Because they don’t affect them…yet.

Freedom is not free. Freedom has to be exercised to be used. It has to be fought for. It has to be guarded from vultures that try to divide and conquer. It has to remain uncorrupted, because if we don’t stand with each other, we all lose.

Personally, I don’t know if America can ever be fixed after the damage done by the GOP, Russia, and Israel. And frankly, it will only be when the white working class man can no longer lie to himself about his role in this bullshit that it will even be possible for it to end.

Oh, and I’m kind of a trainwreck in this live.

Come for the hilarious stories about cartel kings, a minivan that crashes into a cop car, and Amazon delivery guys. Stay for me spazzing out over a thing and sorting through items!

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I was listening to this song that’s been earworming its way into my soul again today. It’s “We’re Just Physical” by Kloq, an industrial rock band. The lyrics are always what got me. I related to them.

Don’t believe me? Okay, let me write them down for you:

“We’re just physical
(The look on your face don’t deceive me)
Fed by chemicals
(I’ve told you before so believe me)
Light so minimal
(The look on your face don’t deceive me)
Sex is not criminal
(I’m holding you back so just leave me)”

Basically, the entire song is talking about how a one-night stand is mostly a thrill-seeking thing — but far from the worst thing they could be doing. This much is true.

As a person who is a Loyalfans content creator, worked in adult films for years, and is also about to star in their first hardcore video, I get annoyed at how people treat sexuality. Trust me when I say that it’s time to address one of the biggest hang-ups our society has: sex.

Since I was a young girl, sex was made out to be something terrible.

As a kid, I didn’t know what sex was until I was a preteen. Or rather, I didn’t know what the word meant. I already knew the action.

It was something awful, especially if you weren’t married. Sure, it was supposed to feel good, but it was bad. So many people said so. So many adults and teenagers said that being too sexy was an issue. You didn’t want to be sexy.

Of course, sex wasn’t always bad. After you were married, girls were supposed to willingly (and begrudgingly) give sex to their spouses. For some reason, boys wanted sex. If it could be, one would think it was illegal for a girl to want sex.

You just didn’t do it.

People would always tell me that having sex was immoral unless I was married. That I was ruined unless I waited for marriage. That a woman’s whole value was based on how little sex she had and how good she looked — but you know, not exactly in those terms.

It was something I heard from Christians. It was something I heard from men. It was something I heard from “feminists” as well as teachers. And yet it never made sense.

The problem is pretty obvious to me.

If sex was so bad, then why does the entirety of human procreation hinge on it? If sex was so bad, why does it feel so good? Moreover, why is it so bad to have safe, consensual and sane sex with a person?

If everyone is having fun, using protection, no one is cheating, and everyone is keeping things safe, what’s the problem? Where’s the immorality there? Who’s getting hurt?

Why is it that people are so much more comfortable seeing violence and watching people die than they are watching people make love? If sex was so bad, then why is it ingrained in literally almost every human being?

I’ve repeatedly made my case about sex not being immoral, only to be met with the same reactions…

Every time I’d ask people, they’d give me this blank, brainwashed-looking stare, blink, and say one of the following things:

• “You shouldn’t share your body with just anyone.” I’ve heard this from a lot of SWERF feminists. Uhm, excuse me. My body, my choice. My body is an amusement park and I enjoy a lot of different rides, thank you very much.

• “You don’t respect yourself.” I respect myself enough to get angry at people telling me what to do and what I should think, thank you very much. So maybe stop telling a 40-year-old what to do with THEIR body.

• “People won’t respect you if you’re easy.” Yeah, well that sounds like a “them” problem. While I admit it might sting a little to see people devalue me based on their own stupid baggage, I’m awesome and don’t want to be with people who require mind games to see that.

• “Because God says so.” Uh, are we really leaving life decisions to an entity that may not exist?

• “What if your future husband/wife doesn’t want you to hook up with them?” Uh…they wouldn’t be my spouse if they were that insecure. Like, why would anyone find that attractive? And why is it always the woman’s job to make herself smaller so the man can feel bigger?

• “It’s not safe.” Well neither is caving in places like Nutty Putty, but I don’t hear you bitching about that or going on Mt. Everest.

When I explain how stupid they sound, they just kind of give me this blank, stunned stare. Or they do some other weird thing where they try to make me feel like less of a person. (It doesn’t work. It just makes me angry.)

Here’s the thing: sex isn’t immoral.

It’s what people do with sex (non-consensual, abuse, neglect) that is. It’s when people take a perfectly normal action and turn it into a method of control that is immoral — and yes, that includes things like trafficking.

If no one is getting hurt, it’s not immoral. It’s the cultural weirdness we have surrounding it that’s immoral. Morality is about avoiding harm done to others. No harm, no immorality. Period.

The truth is that even Christianity didn’t start off seeing sex as immoral. The whole chastity obsession started with the Bible praising people who remained chaste — though that was not a mandated thing.

St. Augustine was famous for fooling around in his youth, struggling with chastity while he was in a relationship with a prostitute. Ironically, he was one of the loudest critics of the “sin” of lust.

Basically, it went from, “Hey, if you save yourself, that’s admirable but you don’t have to,” to “Sex is evil.”

What is immoral is the abuse enacted in the name of purity.

Reputation ruining. Refusing to hire people based on their sexual history or their past. Stoning women to death. Shunning. More often than not, the burden of being sexually “pure” falls on women’s shoulders.

It’s because this obsession with sexual morality was never about doing the right thing. It was always about controlling and hurting women. After all, men don’t get that same punishment, do they?

Sexuality is powerful. Making it “bad” is a way to limit other people’s power over themselves. It’s all about assuaging insecurity by asking others to just make themselves smaller, less attractive, and less visible.

The way people get all squitchy and weird about sex speaks volumes about our society.

Dude, does no one else see how weird this is? While sex is not something that should be done in public, the fact is that it’s a normal part of a romantic relationship.

Far more damage has been done by treating sex as a shameful thing than we want to admit. Think about how many women’s lives were ruined by rumors of being “loose” or how many families got launched into poverty because they had to choose between illegal sex work and eating.

This wasn’t necessary. What was necessary was asking ourselves why we have such an aversion to something that literally has to be done to propagate our species. What was necessary was wondering why people value others less based on bedroom habits.

Maybe we should wonder why sex is treated as taboo to the point that it becomes a matter of repression. Maybe we should wonder why we don’t talk about safe, consensual, judgment-free sex.

If we did that, maybe we’d see a lot less harm — socially and psychologically. But I don’t think we’re ready for that chat, are we?

As a white woman with blonde hair and blue (or green) eyes, I realize I have a lot of privileges. Police are more likely to take my reports seriously. I don’t get stopped in the street and asked for papers. Beauty standards are also generally geared toward white people.

White people, particularly blondes, are beloved in American society. We also wield a lot of power over people who are not white. It was a white woman crying that killed Emmett Till. It’s often white women crying that causes chaos to occur.

Oh, and White Chicks is also a kickass movie that highlights this in a hilarious way. But I digress. What I’m saying is that I was born into a class of power. Though it shouldn’t be this way, white women are America’s top of the “second class citizen” food chain.

As a white female-presenting girl, I have no problem admitting I have certain privileges. I also have no problem admitting that white women have certain ways they exercise those privileges when they want to make others feel judged.

Lately, I was thinking about MAGA men and MAGA women.

MAGAs often enjoy being bullies at the top of the hierarchy. They love the idea of being the white guys and white girls in charge. And they know all the little tricks done by white people who make their enemies feel judged or outcast.

As a white girl, I realize a lot of these mannerisms are a byproduct of white nationalism and racism. So, wouldn’t it be funny to see these methods turned on their ears, against racist, patriarchal people?

Maybe it’s time we start “white girling” bigots.

I’m not talking about the things white women do when they make best friends over a shared love of PSLs. I’m talking about the things white women do when they don’t like a person and want them to leave.

I’d love to see MAGAs react if they had any of the following happen to them…

Clutch your bags.

If you’ve been sketchy-looking before, you already know this trick: clutch your bags tightly against you, look at the person you want to make uncomfortable, and get very quiet. Then, stare that person down with a look of feigned concern.

Make sure that person can feel your brain thinking about how you’re likely to pickpocket them or rob them. This works very well when you’re in an elevator with a MAGAt.

Tell them they’re so well-spoken for a MAGA.

If the MAGA in question is a guy who tries to show off his smarts, make sure that you pull this one. Look surprised and say, “Oh wow! You’re so well spoken for a…well, you know. A Trumper.”

To be fair, I’m not sure that they actually will pick up on this microaggression. If they do, they might just shut up. That’s a win-win, if you ask me.

Mention that you’re trying to avoid “undesirables” while looking at the MAGA.

If you’re chatting with friends, make sure that the MAGA is within earshot. Then, when you have their attention, mention, “I’d love to go to that venue, but I hear it’s full of…undesirables.”

Make sure to maintain eye contact with the MAGA, then turn away. You want them to understand that they are the “undesirable.”

Giggle and go “Ew, no!” when someone suggests you date a conservative guy or a white guy.

This often only works when you know MAGAs are listening. Unfortunately, some guys who hear this might get violent.

Take your kid and cross the street when you see a person in a MAGA hat.

This is a clear, effective way to show others that you think that MAGAt is an “undesirable.” Since it’s also easy to come up with an excuse as to why you crossed the street, it’s also great for plausible deniability.

Tell them “Happy Yule” instead of “Merry Christmas,” then get offended when they say they’re Christian.

Make sure that you mutter something about “religious freedom” and “free speech” when they start huffing and puffing. Make sure that you patently ignore any Christian topics they try to bring up or talk over them when they start to whine.

Act overly concerned and overly mommy-like when they start talking about immigrants “taking their jobs.”

This is one of those things that can get lost in translation, but when executed correctly, can be pretty devastating. Think about it this exchange:

“And they’re taking our jobs!”

“Oh, I do feel bad for you. They shouldn’t take those minimum wage jobs! You’re right! So, which job did they take from you?”

Or you could do that thing that Southern women do and keep saying “bless your heart” with a look of concern. It apparently makes people’s skin crawl when they pick up on it.

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Turn whatever struggle they have right now back on them, even if it’s not their fault.

This is not a “white girl” microaggression as much as it is a “white man” microaggression. For example, when women complain that men are treating them poorly, the white guy will usually tell women it’s her fault for not “choosing better.”

If she argues more, he’ll ask, “Who raised those boys, HMMM?”

Well, let’s start turning this around on white MAGA men. While they generally won’t understand how anything in dating is their fault (including loneliness), they will understand what’s happening if you start blaming them for the economy without mentioning 47. Example below:

“I lost my job at the factory and now I can’t feed my kid!”

“Well, why didn’t you get that job at the McDonald’s?”

“They said no. They didn’t want to hire me.”

“And who’s fault is that? And why didn’t you spend time building a business to feed your family? Hm?”

“I was tired! Working 40 hours a week at a factory is hard!”

“Well, that’s not MY fault. And that’s not the BOSS’S fault! Clearly, you were in the wrong here, not the company. And I can see why they let you go. You’re lazy if you aren’t working harder.”

Watch them get very quiet. This level of microaggression and gaslighting will make them hit the pause button real fast.

Say the MAGA should look into therapy.

This is a major kiss-off that a lot of white people do. When they don’t feel arsed to help someone or feel like they want to make a person feel defective, they’ll tell the person to “get therapy” even when therapy wouldn’t do shit for them.

The best way to deliver this line is with a quiet, hushed voice and a feigned “sympathy stare.” Make them feel crazy and make them question why people are acting the way they’re acting.

Mention how “sensitive” or “hormonal” they’re coming across.

Trust me, this burns them up.

Follow the MAGA around in a shop.

Act as if they’re the shoplifting threat they might just be. Then, when caught following, make sure you have a big smile and ask, “How can I help you today?”

Eye the MAGA up and down then ask, “So how did *you* get this job?”

The implication here is that they had to network or do something shady to get the job they had. MAGAs hate feeling unqualified, even when they are obviously underqualified for the job.

Make them feel judged. Make them feel small.

Talk over them then squeeze them out.

If a MAGA tries to join in the conversation, act friendly at first. Then, slowly, start to talk over them. Then have your friends react to you exclusively and slowly start pushing that person out of the conversation entirely.

Make sure that it seems not quite natural. Make sure they realize it’s an effort to butt you out, but always play dumb if they try to call you out on it.

Do the White Girl Stare.

The White Girl Stare is the opposite of the Care Bear Stare. It makes you feel unwanted and uncared for. You know it, right? It’s when everyone is laughing and having a good time, only for one person to show up.

All of a sudden, the mood changes. Everyone stares at that person. They’re not laughing. They just stare — some blankly, others in a “Why is he here?” type of way. Some do that very obviously feigned smile, as if they smell something awful.

That’s the White Girl Stare. It can make a flower wilt. Just saying.

Mention that you “don’t see politics,” then plan a party for all your liberal friends without the MAGA.

This works very well in social settings. Make sure you talk about how you don’t see politics and that you “have a Republican friend,” too.

I honestly think MAGAs need to feel more uncomfortable.

I do think that many of them won’t react well to it, but if it seems safe to do it, you better believe I’d do it. Trumpers keep talking about how they’re persecuted, but I don’t think they understand what that word means.

Maybe if they actually walked a mile in the shoes of the people they bullied, they’d learn a thing or two. You never know. It might just work.

This past Sunday, we talked about a bunch of stuff at the Macabre Tavern with . We talked about Grindr, how many “super straight” men seem to enjoy sex with men, as well as dicks. Lots of dicks.

Let’s talk food!

Food-wise, we looked at a vintage party snacks cookbook from the 1970s, found epic fondue recipes I want to try, and also ate some neat snacks. This time around, I made a Mushroom Broth Fondue that you can buy here at Yami!

My notes about the Mushroom Fondue:

• It pairs very well with beef. It’s really savory and adds umami to sliced beef.

• I’d drink it as a soup. It’s very mushroom-y and the mushrooms are quite tender when they’re rehydrated.

• It might go good with dumplings too. I didn’t do any dumplings today, but I could see it working out well.

Oh, and I also prepped three desserts using pre-made products: Portuguese egg tarts, custard dumplings, and almond dofu. Dofu is a tofu-like dessert which is absolutely delicious if you’re a fan of jello and almonds.

Would you want to watch me prep more food at home?

Tell me in the comments below.

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The other day, I had booked a fling. Problem: he bailed at the last minute. It’s not an uncommon occurrence. More often than not, I’ve had guys swear they’d show up, do the whole “wooing” thing, and then just vanish the moment it’s actually time to do something fun.

I used to think that this was just a “me” thing, but I quickly found out that other women had experienced the same. A friend of mine said, “I stopped being willing to travel to meet guys. I got stood up too many times. They don’t even take my time seriously.

Though I realized I was not going to get an answer, I did confront the last one. I asked why he bailed. Why did he just lead me on then waste my time? And why was he such a little bitch?

Leave it to my boyfriend to explain why.

Oh, this is why I love an open polycule relationship. We get to coach each other into getting laid more frequently and are down to have a third join us. I showed my boyfriend the texts.

“Oh, yep. He’s scared. I know this because I’ve used that same excuse with a girl before,” he said.

Scared? Of what? Me?

I didn’t quite understand why. Sure, I get hissy and bitchy when I don’t get laid, but I’m not scary, per se. I mean, I’m just there. I don’t see myself as intimidating. He couldn’t quite get an answer, but he’s been where my botched date was.

As it turns out, just being an aggressive female is enough to scare some guys.

According to Psychology Today, a lot of men have hidden yet powerful fears surrounding women. Like, they are deadass afraid of women for a number of reasons — many of which involve the classic, dreaded question of “What if?”

Abandonment

The biggest fears most men have surrounding women involve abandonment and betrayal. They get scared that women will “love them n’ leave ‘em,” much like men often do to women.

As someone who was abandoned by a LOT of men, I kind of want to laugh at this. From what I’ve seen online and in real life, men are far more likely to abandon women in long term relationships than women are.

Betrayal

They’re also petrified of being cheated on or being betrayed in the sense of being used for their money. Once again, as someone who has written about hobosexuals at length, I feel like this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Control

We’ve all heard of a woman who is controlling AF and slowly ruined a man’s life. To a point, I think men are afraid of being the guy who loses his perceived “freedom” to a woman.

A lot of men need to feel like they’re in control of everything with a woman. Unfortunately, aggressive women like me tend to make them realize that’s not going to happen. So they run.

Protip: Controlling behavior often escalates to abuse. Just saying.

Inadequacy

Here’s the one I’ve heard from multiple men: they’re terrified of being inadequate. That’s why they’re scared of women who have a wilder past like mine, even when we provide paperwork of STI testing and surgical sterilization.

After seeing guys melt down after telling them my number, I’ve had quite a few guys say, “How am I supposed to measure up to that?” as they gesture to my groin.

Whether it’s feeling sexually outmatched, intellectually outmatched, or socially outranked doesn’t matter. The end of the big story is that guys often short-circuit from the fear of being outgunned.

Masculine/Feminine Vibes

In recent decades, I’ve noticed that most men don’t really seem to *know* what they see as masculine. Social media often shows masculinity as emotionless, angry, constantly in the lead, and fucking everything in sight.

Don’t get me wrong. I love (and get horny) for men who take the lead. But I’m also not a beat-around-the-bush person and I’m very direct about what I want and how I want it.

So for a lot of men, being pursued makes them feel like less of a man. They want that encounter, yes, but they don’t want it that way. So then you have to deal with doing little head games and kabuki dances just to get a guy.

It messes with their mind and tends to make them assume women are desperate, which makes them devalue aggressive women until the woman pulls back and says, “Yeah, I don’t bother with wastes of time.”

It’s not that we’re “low-value” per se. It’s just that we don’t want to waste time when we’re looking for a little fun and we’re okay with being direct about what we need.

Crazy Behavior

Admittedly, I am aware that I come off as a bit of a nutter at times. I’m okay with that. But if a guy were to talk to me and be like, “Hey, this concerns me, let’s reschedule once I feel safer around you,” I’d respect that a lot more.

Guys are afraid of crazy women, just like women are afraid of murderous men. I can’t fault them for that. I can, however, fault them for how they behave regarding that.

Gentlemen, you need to stop being this way.

Speaking as someone who presents female, I’m so tired of guys who talk the talk but don’t want to walk the walk. I’ve had men do so many crazy overtures of interest, even going so far as to buy me things, only to vanish when it actually came time for them to see me.

I’ve also had guys only show up, hours late, after I publicly posted that they lied about showing up online. Then, all of a sudden, they were “men of their word,” and they were “so sorry that they behaved that way.”

I would have much rather taken a simple, “No, I’m not interested,” or a “No, let’s reschedule. How’s [date]?”

Instead, I was left waiting at a restaurant for an hour or a store for an hour because a guy couldn’t be arsed to be direct with me. That’s fucking awful. And pathetic.

Because those same guys were the ones falling over themselves to talk to me and I’m sure that men will tell me to “choose more enthusiastic men” or something like that.

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