And by “ruined,” he means he didn’t go to the gym the next few days, he podcasted worse, he ate worse, he slept worse… he essentially emphasizes the domino effect this choice had on consecutive choices.

Look, the viral criticism he received about how optimization becoming obsessive is one culture wants to have, he just became the target — but what the conversation is missing is that Steven Bartlett is in the top 0.1% of achievers. Love him or hate him, he is exceptional in almost every area of his life. And most of the people who have criticized him, are not.

Now look, that’s not a dig at people who wanna have the three glasses of wine, or the whole bottle(s)…or people who don’t want to optimize every area of their lives… it’s that if you want to operate at the level Steven wants to operate, wine is not likely part of that equation. He has a standard for his life, and in order to hold that standard, it sounds like alcohol causes him to sabotage that.

WE ALL KNOW THIS FEELING! And the response to him expressing it and the backlash is in part because a lot of people don’t want to confront the impact alcohol has on their lives and choices. We use “balance” as permission to keep addictive substances in our lives… substances that are used to numb and sedate feelings we don’t want to feel.

Now look, if you’re paying attention in the world, it makes sense you want to drink. If you’re overwhelmed by life, it makes sense you want to booze it up.

But there is so much wisdom in your overwhelm.

The truth is: I miss drinking. I miss the social aspect. I miss pouring a scotch with friends and solving the problems of the world, and then forgetting what we came up with.

But I don’t miss my decisions being inhibited. I don’t miss how drinking made me trade more valuable behaviours and choices — that were more aligned with my mission and would contribute to me achieving my goals…

Essentially, the math didn’t math for me any more… I needed to get sober so I could hear myself better… and know myself on a deeper level. I used alcohol as a social lubricant… and in my twenties I used it to numb my morals and quiet my healthy judgement and discernment.

It had to go — because alcohol and ultimate clarity don’t live in the same place.

None of this is to shame you. You might have a healthy relationship with alcohol… and you also might have a great balance with wellness habits.

But most people don’t. Most people are highly addicted to their devices… and alcohol is an integral part of a lot of people’s lives… it’s how they “take the edge off.”

But that “edge” is important. It tells you when you’re past your capacity. It communicates where you need boundaries. It’s telling you where there’s misalignment. It’s screaming as you that you need to ask for help and support in the things that are overwhelming your life.

There’s no doubt that we are all holding so much. But we don’t need wine to hold more… we need other people. We need community. We need reliable partners and friends.

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When you’re obsessed about your goals, your mission and your dharma, you will become HYPER attuned to what gets in the way of living in coherence with them. The pain you feel at the slightest deviation from your habits and rituals is not because you’re obsessed with optimization (that’s for another discussion), it’s because you’re obsessed with your life’s work, and sensitive to the ways you step out of integrity.

But integrity is learned by making choices that inform where it lives. The contrast that comes from stepping out of alignment is paramount to you knowing what alignment is and feels like. Honour poor choices with both grace AND change… because grace alone cannot soothe the pain that unintegrated wisdom brings. (that’s where wine needs to come in).

Become obsessed with protecting your peace, your mission, and your values.

As the saying goes:

“Protect your dharma, and it will protect you.”

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ps. I’ll write on “obsessive passions” vs “harmonious passions” next week. Because there is a line where obsession actually erodes the perceived benefits of health-related choices.

pps. I did a podcast episode on “commitment vs. devotion.” It’s a must-listen if this Substack resonated

I read this quote from Mary Oliver this past week and it stopped me in my tracks…

I think it’s because:

1. I see how fragmented our attention is these days. And how that fragmentation combined with the allure of the algorithm has us losing the ability to be both discerning and intentional with our attention. And if we don’t have the ability to direct our attention, how can we be truly devoted to anything or anyone? And what does this lack of curating our attention do to our ability to be deeply in our dharma?

2. We seem to be somewhat numb to what true commitment looks and feels like these days. What I mean by that is — the relationship we have with our mind, our focus, our relationships, and where we place our attention — must be held with such deep intention. THIS SH*T IS SERIOUS.

   But my ability to be deeply committed to my mission slipped away from me without me even knowing… it wasn’t until the anxiety built up, and the void within myself got so great that no amount of instagram reels could fill it up. I felt empty… and that emptiness terrified me… and all this happened while I was scrolling and creating content…

Where we place our attention matters more than anything else… because it is directed and focused attention that allows us to create epic relationships, bring our dreams into reality, and create a life that feels aligned.

So what you and I choose to focus on is the beginning of EVERYTHING. Attention plants the seed of possibility, and it also is what allows that possibility to grow and flourish.

I had to look up how devotion is defined:

Devotion is the state of being ardently dedicated, loyal, or deeply affectionate toward a person, cause, or belief. It often involves profound commitment, self-dedication, and acts of religious worship or prayer.

HELL YEAH. Be ardently dedicated to every aspect of your life.

But if we can’t be bored, how can we be devoted? If we can’t be in prayer or meditation, how can we be devoted?

A person’s ability to achieve or become anything is largely due to their ability to focus and the choices they make. The choices you make are undoubtedly the greatest determinants of the direction of your life, your relationships, your health, and pretty much everything.

To make good choices, you have to be present. You have to be focused on the goals you want to achieve, and those goals become the north star in every moment of every day…

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To truly become exceptional, you have to be the master of your attention. You have to decide who and what gets your time. There is no avoiding this truth… and the good thing is, the moment you really get it, you get it.

Here’s the thing — most people are addicted to their phones. Most people waste hours and hours and hours of their day on social media. Most people say “I don’t have time” while clocking above three hours of screen time/day.

But you’re not here to be “most people.”

So I’ll give it to you straight:

1. Get your sh*t together.

2. Become the MASTER of your attention. Never let an algorithm decide your focus. Never let the negativity of the world make you negative. You decide where your eyes go. You decide what and who you focus on. You get to decide what your most likely future is…

3. Your work needs your devotion. Your love needs your devotion. Your kids need your devotion. Your purpose and mission need your devotion. Your money needs your devotion. You need your devotion.

I’ll close with this — Attention is not just the beginning of devotion — devotion determines where to place that attention. One requires the other… They operate in a symbiotic relationship — and it’s up to you to manage, curate, and protect that symbiosis.

• What is a boundary? What does a boundary sound like?

• What patterns do I play out in relationships? Why am I drawn to the people I’m drawn to?

• Why does _____ trigger me? How do I engage with people when I’m triggered?

• How do I separate what is my trauma from what is my truth/intuition?

But these are just informational. They provide you with context, pathology, and also the language that is necessary to create change.

BUT YOU HAVE TO CHANGE.

I see now that all the books I’ve read and all the courses and trainings I’ve done — they’ve all been incredible. But they would be useless if I didn’t implement what I learned into my life.

The reality is that most people invest in their healing while never actually healing. They spin their wheels with more podcasts and retreats, while never changing their lives… never changing who they choose… never changing their own behaviours in relationships… and never fully letting go of their vices.

Look, if this is you, you’re in good company. I have been you…

And I’ll never forget the moment I was showering where I thought to myself, “it doesn’t feel good to my heart and body to be making some of the choices I’ve been making.”

I had thought this thought before… but up until that moment in the shower, I had never considered that I could just stop doing what I was doing!

I know this sounds crazy… but I also know that 100% of the people I work with know what they need to change. Sure, they might need clarity, guidance and accountability on the tactical stuff, and some reflections as to why they find themselves where they are… but the real work is in being who you desire to be by making the choices in your life that will create that person, and ultimately the outcomes you want in your life.

I might sound like a broken record with this, but it bears repeating over and over and over again:

You are sitting on a goldmine of knowledge that is fucking itching to be implemented. There is a future version of you who is trying to pull you towards your highest potential…

But your vices will interrupt your relationship with him/her.

And your busyness will eradicate all the silence you need to hear him/her.

And your endless healing journey will distract you from actual healing.

And that’s okay… until it isn’t.

And it isn’t.

Read the books and listen to the podcasts and join the retreats and the groups and all the things… I’ve had profound awarenesses from all of the above.

And then live what you learn. NOW. Immediately.

This is how you let go → by taking the wisdom and knowledge garnered from what you’ve been through and translating it into who you are.

We only hold on to things that we haven’t fully alchemized.

Let’s get alchemical you dirty little alchemist.

ps. speaking of groups… I have ONE spot left for my small group mastermind that starts next Tuesday, June 2nd. If you are itching to bring your gifts to the world, and would love to be held accountable for FINALLY showing up and doing the thing… I GOT YOU. All the details for the mastermind are here.

pps. If you’re not ready to change, and not ready to go all-in, this isn’t for you. This is for someone who is tired of waiting for their life to come to them. Let’s get to work if that’s you → apply here!

Self-reflection, being able to audit one’s own behaviour, and then create intentional change —> is a superpower.

I think you should never stop growing.

But let’s just say it: We’re all so, so tired of all the hacks and 5 ways to do 4 things to make you not suck so much anymore…

IS IT WORKING?!

Look… you wanna grow?! Grow the shit out of yourself… but remember:

The obsession with improving ourselves must be met with the same amount of acceptance of ourselves.

But what I see so often, is that the motivation for personal growth is usually born from a feeling of personal deficit.

When you relate to yourself from this place of deficit, the gaps in your self-worth are a feature, not a bug. This truth makes it so that no amount of personal growth will ever be enough… because unconsciously you’ve created a loyalty to your perceived inadequacies.

So you read another book. You listen to another podcast. You take another course — and at this point, you probably have Chat on speed dial waiting to consult him on every move, every text, and every scenario your life presents…

You can find lots of wisdom in books. You can also find it in AI.

But you will never find your worth in either of those places.

"We are not meant to stay wounded. We are supposed to move through our tragedies and challenges... By remaining stuck in the power of our wounds, we block our own transformation. We overlook the greater gifts inherent in our wounds — the strength to overcome them and the lessons that we are meant to receive through them." ~ Caroline Myss

What if you let go of your pain? What if you decided to turn it into change and transformation? What if you stopped treating yourself like a problem to solve?

I’m not advocating for bypassing your trauma or your suffering, of course not. But, we live in a time when people are obsessed with their growth… and obsessed with optimizing anything and everything… what if instead of trying to dial in the right peptide we just stepped into wholeness? What if the most important work is actually about cleaning up your vices, stopping entertaining BS from yourself and/or others, and really focusing on LIVING your best life?

What if?

That seems like a prescription for the masses. I’m in.

I was image managing, masquerading as truly authentic.

But there was a deeper layer below the layer the world saw… And the space between who I am and who I have been was revealed to me more fully by the removal of more vices, and a declaration to truth. Capital “T” truth. Another level. A whole different kind of vibe.

This made me think: Maybe part of building a business based on who you are is that it just perpetuates incongruence? Perhaps the same way we wear masks for others, is the way we build a brand and messaging based on the same masks?

Our entrepreneurial work can reveal blindspots in our personal life, and vice versa.

I’ve been thinking more about this too:

Who you truly are doesn’t need a marketing strategy.

Who you truly are doesn’t need optimal branding.

Don’t get me wrong, curation and strategy are smart — but does stream-of-consciousness require a representative?

When I had all of these realizations today I touched something much deeper within myself. I felt both grace and what is sacred wash over me.

I am here to do divine work. I have always been afraid of that.

But it’s not like a “returning to the church” or “coming to Jesus”, although both of those things are great if they’re for you…

I think humanity is looking for something beyond the boxes.

We are craving a force that is so great all of our vices will fall away.

We surrender to our mission.

We surrender to God (or whatever your word is).

We surrender to who we truly are.

I share all of this because this is more of a coming out of sorts…

I am no longer a brand.

I don’t promise you anything but my own congruence, and in this journey of finding coherence within me, I shall help you find it in you.

I have been so terrified of my greater mission — which I can’t put into words yet.

But today I felt a moment of its beauty. A place beyond words, where forgiveness and responsibility both reside.

I’m saying “yes” to myself. I’m saying “yes” to God. I’m saying a full YES to my dharma.

Say “yes” too.

Who’s in?

P.S. If you're ready to lead in your life, your work, and your purpose from a place of real congruence, I have a few spots left in my mastermind, The Regulated Leader. Get more info and apply here.

Our adaptive strategies, that could include lying or deception, or choosing things that aren’t good for us, can just become part of our way of being… especially if learned early in life, and especially if we learned them unconsciously from a parent, and most especially if it’s part of how our culture and community move through the world.

The way we become conscious of these behaviours usually sucks… because it’s likely the consequence of the unconscious choice that makes it conscious.

This is a fire that’s hard to walk through because it can feel like it’s not fair, that we weren’t the ones driving the car.

But alas, we were.

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I didn’t realize how profound those words were the many times I heard them throughout my childhood.

But it’s true:

No matter where you go, there you are.

No matter what you run from, there you are.

No matter how much you beat yourself up, there you are.

No matter what happens in your life, there you are.

And yet, I’m reminded of the complexity that one can be right here, right now, and not be in their body. The very same abandonment that we so desperately want to avoid outside of ourselves, lives within us. We are often the living embodiment of our greatest fear… and it is in this absence, this space left void within us, that we go searching for our familiar suffering in rescuing others, while actually being in desperate need of ourselves.

This is the greatest paradox:

The parts of you that were abandoned hold the key to no longer making choices that abandon you.

Let me say that more clearly:

The wisdom that lives in the pain of being left, is the same wisdom that allows you to stay in your own heart, hold it with care and intention, and fight fearlessly to protect your value in relationship to others.

Said even more clearly: If you want to stop abandoning yourself and making choices that don’t align, go deep into the wound of where you first learned you didn’t matter.

That created a template within you that it’s normal for you to tolerate less than exceptional. This isn’t just about others not meeting a standard to be in your life, but even more so, it’s about how you don’t hold that standard for yourself.

You spend more time trying to figure out how to get them to stay than you do inviting yourself back home into your own heart and body.

Wherever you’re at, there you are…not… yet.

Look, if you date crappy people, you have to believe you’re worthy of them.

If you have dreams you’re not pursuing, you have to believe your dreams are not worth being pursued.

And no biohack will be enough to resolve what can only be healed by confronting that you treat yourself like you don’t matter.

If you want to change your life quickly, ask yourself, “What choices do I make that communicate to me that I don’t matter?”

And then… stop doing those things.

Sounds simple, right?!

That’s because it fucking is.

As Friedrich Nietzsche said:

“To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”

In order to come back home to our own bodies, we have to create the safety within ourselves to open the door to the room we’re terrified of sitting in…

But you can’t do that if you keep abandoning yourself… because:

When you doubt your brilliance, you abandon him/her.

When you try to avoid your pain, you avoid his/her pain.

We can’t put our wounds into remission without seeing them as doorways to our freedom.

What does this mean to do in practice?

Well, it means speaking to that little one within you and saying the three words they’ve always wanted to hear… but before you do that, place a hand on your heart as you speak them…

I miss you.

And three more:

I’ve got you.

And three more:

I love you.

And four more:

I’m not going anywhere.

Try that out loud, all at once:

I miss you. I love you. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.

And fucking mean it. Actually mean it.

Stop throwing yourself under the bus.

Stop choosing people and things that harm your being.

Stop making choices that don’t communicate respect to your being.

Start treating yourself with the love and reverence that you do for everyone else.

Start making yourself at least as important as those you love.

Start showing up for yourself, and promise to never again abandon yourself for anybody. Ever. Always. In all ways.

Say it again with me (hand on heart):

I miss you. I love you. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.

ps. if you’re looking for support in navigating life’s challenges, bringing a dream to the world, or optimizing any area of your life, you can apply to work with me here. Sending lots of love!

I’ve been thinking a lot about dharma… and you might be wondering, “What the eff is dharma?” For the purposes of this post, here is how I would define it:

It’s the underlying order or truth of your life… It’s your intuition, your guiding principles. It’s about living your life according to your values and answering the calls of your heart for the work you’re meant to do in this incarnation.

Before I was twenty-seven, I never thought about my dharma. Honestly, I thought I just needed a job that paid well so I could be a good provider. Sure, I liked my work as a pharma rep, because being an artist or a writer was silly and impractical. I needed to be smart about the choices I made in my life. I needed to follow the rules. I needed to get married by twenty-seven-ish and have kids by 30-ish. I needed a good job, a house, a car, and a nice fence.

But despite all the ways I coloured within the lines, I eventually found myself staring down a life I didn’t want, and I had no choice but to hit the eject button.

Now, look, you might be staring down a similar life… in a relationship that’s unfulfilling, a job that pays the bills but sucks your soul, and seeing the news day-in and day-out talking about oil, famines, the Strait of Hormuz opening and closing like a god damn Taco Bell.

And you’re thinking, “I DON’T WANT WHAT I HAVE. At least not in the way it currently is.”

GREAT. Follow that feeling.

Acknowledging your discontent doesn’t require you to create a strategic plan, but it does require you to acknowledge its existence.

Because if you don’t name how you truly feel… (whatever that feeling is), you will spend your life running from that feeling, checking all the boxes so no one stops to ask you, “Are you okay? You don’t seem happy.”

Denying how you feel doesn’t make a feeling go away… if anything, it just buries it deep inside and causes that feeling to reroute and become stronger.

And here’s a harsh truth: You can’t run from your feelings. They will come for you in one way or another… take it from the Gospel of Thomas:

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Little did I know, but that discontent I felt would be the doorway to my soul. The feelings I was SO AFRAID of would turn out to be the very feelings that would reveal the path to my life aligning with purpose… It was that heartbreak that woke me up to my life! It made me ask big questions like, “Why am I here? What is the purpose of MY life? What is possible for my life?!”

I had never asked these questions... if anything, I was terrified of questions like these because I knew the life I was living at the time couldn’t have answered them.

But once I started to listen to the mission that was being born from my pain, I realized that my dharma at the time was this: to teach people how to love, and to remind people that if your relationship ends, you’re not a failure!

I could feel this desire to teach from deep within my heart… but like any mission, part of it is facing the resistance of our own fears… and boy, did I have a lot of those.

“Who am I to teach about love? What will people think of me? What about the life I’ve built? The career? The identity?”

Man, I had my doubts.

And look, doubt can be a trap… a place we stay suspended in, often, for our whole lives.

Doubt is normal. And it’s a dragon we have to slay.

For me it wasn’t only about doubting the intuitive nudges I was getting, or doubting my dharma that was taking shape… it was doubting whether I would succeed. Would I be okay? Would I be able to make a living?

But then in Stephen Cope’s book, The Great Work Of Your Life, I read a great quote that rocked my doubting socks:

Better to fail at who you are, than to succeed at being someone else.

And he shared a quote from Thomas Merton that speaks so perfectly to that:

“Every man has a vocation to be someone: but he must understand clearly that in order to fulfill this vocation he can only be one person: himself.”

I share all of this with you because I pray you listen to your heart. I pray that you honour the voice from within. I pray that you find the strength to believe that you are that wise, and you are the person who is meant to do that thing that you’re called to do.

I pray that you find your way through what you find yourself in.

A mantra that I repeat when I don’t know the way… yet… is:

“Show me the path, I’ll walk it.”

Keep walking. You got this.

P.S. I’m opening 2 spots for private full-day intensives, a rare opportunity to spend an entire day with me, devoted fully to you. This is for the person who can feel that their life is not aligned, or lacking meaning, anyone who has a deep feeling that they are meant for more in this life.

Together, we will go deep into your patterns, your fears, your desires, and the truth of what your life is asking of you. This is about uncovering your dharma and getting honest about the path that is trying to emerge from within you. Apply here.

The drawing I do is a little blurred, but it’s still visible and it will make sense.

Sending love to you.

P.S. I’m opening 2 private full-day intensives - a rare opportunity to spend an entire day with me, devoted fully to you. We can go deep into anything: relationships, patterns, healing, your vision, your business… all the things. This is for the person who is ready to move beyond surface-level change and create real, lasting transformation. If you feel the pull, trust it. Apply here.

When the world seems like too much, consume less of what makes you feel that way.

When people seem lost, scared and anxious, become a reason they believe in possibility.

When people seem divided, become a space of curiosity and unity.

I’m feeling a deep call to a slower and more connected way of life… not more connected digitally, but more connected to the birds, my neighbours, the farmers, my friends and my family.

When we have other people, storms are weathered much more easily.

When we feel overwhelmed, the support of a friend can bring us back to calm and help us believe that we’re gonna get through what life has handed us.

I can’t think of a more potent form of medicine than love and connection.

And yet, I can’t think of something we more desperately crave, but fail to reach for.

I remember years ago reading a quote from Erich Fromm:

“In spite of the deep-seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered to be more important than love: success, prestige, money, power—almost all our energy is used for the learning of how to achieve these aims, and almost none to learn the art of loving.”

I do have to acknowledge that more people than ever are seeking to learn how to love better… BUT, never have more people lacked genuine connection… and I think that’s because our phones have given us a perceived refuge from potential rejection… and they have allowed us to trick our minds and hearts into feeling “connected,” despite our avoidance of any task that creates perceived social risk.

AI, social media, smart phones, addictive kids television programming — They’ve all come on the scene SO FAST, and their hooks are going deeper and deeper into our psyche and souls.

Look, I think these tools are great (minus the kid’s shows, those are just awful). The problem is that by the time I realized I was losing my mind through my phone, and getting paid to do so, I was pretty far gone. It took me getting to burnout… it took my nervous system saying, “you can try to keep going, but I won’t let you. Also, I’m gonna make your phone make you feel sick, because it is making you sick.”

My tirade about technology isn’t to stop you from using it… it’s to stop you from letting technology use you.

Read that again.

You and I need to hit the brakes. We need to take a breath. We need to stop accepting the frenetic pace of technology, and get back into circadian rhythm. We need to align our hearts, minds, and souls with the pace of the Universe.

This is why intuition, God, “oneness,” and so many other things are found in silence and meditation. This is why sitting by a tree calms your nervous system. This is why a dog can co-regulate with you.

You. Are. Meant. To. Move. Slow.

Which doesn’t mean you can’t hustle or get shit done. It also doesn’t mean you can’t work all night and paint all day.

What it means is that the moments of your life have to be ruled by you. When you passively pick up your phone someone else is deciding that for you… they’ve programmed the software in your mind to mindlessly seek more and more of what you truly need (joy, love and connection) in a place that will NEVER be able to replace someone looking you in the eyes, holding your face in their hands, and saying, “I got you.”

AI can’t hug you when you’re feeling down.

AI can’t pick you up from the hospital.

AI can’t sit around a fire with you and tell stories and laugh about your childhoods.

AI doesn’t know what the 90s felt like.

AI can’t hold you while you cry on the bathroom floor because you’re broken hearted.

AI can’t let you have the last word.

AI can’t say, “I get it. I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there.” Because it never has… and even if it says these BS lines that sound so good… you’ll always know it’s full of sh*t.

But a human can do all of those things. And a really good human can do them exceptionally.

And one human like that will make you forget about Claude, or Chat, or your Instagram following.

I’m really craving creating more opportunities to experience more moments that make me forget about the Internet, while using the Internet to help do more of those things.

Get it?

Let’s use technology to create hope. Let’s use it to create more light. Let’s use it to find more real connections.

If you’re interested in meeting more like-minded people and taking active steps to change your life (AND reading a book cause it’s good for you brain and unhooking from the doom scroll and the doom everything), upgrade to become a paid subscriber because we get started on April 14th with a Bookclub where we will be reading “The Meaning of Your Life” by Arthur Brooks.

It’s an amazing book about creating and finding meaning in your life that you can grab here.

There will be 4 live Zoom calls over 4 weeks (Tuesday’s at 3pm MST starting April 14th)

Hanging with other book nerds who are ready to make big changes in their life.

And a dash of live coaching in there.

Upgrade NOW.

If you’re not into the book club but still feel like treating me to an overpriced latte as a way of supporting my writing (and helping me eventually escape Instagram) I’d really appreciate it. 😬

And I want to pick one up and read it alongside YOU. (book club alert 🚨 — details below)

KEEP READING CAUSE THIS DATA IS MIND BLOWING! 🤯

Turns out reading is pretty freaking awesome and something we all need to do more of — because… well, check this science out: 🤓

• The 6-Minute Shift: Research from the University of Sussex found that just six minutes of silent reading can reduce stress levels by 68%.

• Faster Than the Alternatives: This “escape” works faster and more effectively than other common methods, including:

  • Listening to music (61%)

  • Drinking a cup of tea (54%) (do we get a combined effect with 📕☕️?)

  • Going for a walk (42%)

• The Physical Reset: By forcing the mind to concentrate on a narrative, reading lowers your heart rate and eases muscle tension, effectively “breaking” the cycle of anxious thoughts.

Long-Term Cognitive & Physical Vitality

• A “Workout” for Empathy: Reading a novel creates changes in brain connectivity. It functions like a high-intensity workout for the pathways involved in empathy and emotional processing. (DAMN, this is amazing!)

• 20% Lower Mortality Risk: A landmark 12-year study by Yale University found that book readers had a 20% lower risk of mortality compared to non-readers—adding an average of two years to their lives.

• Potential Protection from Dementia: Consistent reading builds cognitive reserve. This mental resilience acts as a “buffer” that can potentially delay the onset of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease by keeping the brain’s neural circuits active and flexible as you age.

• Battling Depression: Studies show that people who regularly engage with therapeutic reading materials report lower depressive symptoms over time compared to those who don’t.

Why A Book Club & Why The Book “The Meaning of Your Life” by Arthur Brooks?

We aren’t just reading for the sake of making our brains go to the gym and get pummmmped; we are reading to build a better life, better relationships, a brain that can focus, and all the other delicious things that come from hanging out with other people who want to grow and change!

In our first selection:

The Meaning of Your Life by Arthur Brooks we will explore the crisis of meaning in today’s world, and how to create meaning in our lives and with those we love.

By joining the book club, not only are you getting your brain all amped up…you are also joining a community dedicated to discovering meaning together.

DOES IT GET BETTER? (no. The answer is no. Nope🙅‍♂️)

To join all you have to do is upgrade to becoming a paid subscriber.

The value you get is BANANAS:

• 4 live calls on zoom, where we get to nerd 🤓 out, with the opportunity for live coaching. (every Tuesday at 3pm MST, starting April 14)

• 4 articles a month from yours truly (of which 2 are only for paid subscribers)

• Access to all the future book clubs! 3/year… and the next book is gonna be AMAAAAZING.

• Exclusive access to super-early bird for all events and retreats.

So excited to read this book with you! It’s going to be incredible!!

If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments or fire me a DM.

P.S. $10/month for the annual. That’s it. That’s one latte. That’s LESS than one gallon of gas in California. To be part of a community. To commit to something. To exercise your brain. Upgrade NOW.

And if you’re not interested in the book club, but wanna buy me a coffee, that works too. ☕️🙏

In this live I share a story of my own journey to finding and living my purpose (which keeps evolving), deriving meaning in my life, and how the current circumstances of the world are creating a crisis of meaning for all of us… and, I hate to say it, but they are creating both incredible overwhelm, and also robbing us of hope (which we can never let go of!).

All of this thinking and exploring meaning was sparked by my recent interview with Arthur Brooks about his new book “The Meaning of Your Life.” We discussed how all of the things that are truly important to us as humans, as well as those things that bring us fulfillment and meaning, are the things we are really lacking — like presence, deep relationships, a relationship to God (or sprituality or whatever you wanna call it), and so on...

Having this conversation was the motivation I needed to create a book club where we start with Arthur’s book. The timing of it is so important, and it’s a conversation I want to have…

Add to that, literally reading a book is SO GOOD for our brain. It’s like going to the gym. And I want to be part of things that rehab our minds, our attention spans, and our ability to focus and connect.

To be part of the book club all you have to do is upgrade to become a paid subscriber. ( $10/mth or $77/year) and the value you get is BANANAS:

• 4 live calls on zoom, where we get to nerd 🤓 out, with the opportunity for live coaching.

• 4 articles a month from yours truly (of which 2 are only for paid subscribers)

• Access to all the future book clubs! 3/year… and the next book is gonna be AMAAAAZING.

• Access to early bird for all events and retreats.

So excited to read this book with you! It’s going to be incredible!!

If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments!

Can’t wait to dive deep into this book with you and create some shared meaning together.

“That’s such a crazy thought Mark. That’s not what’s happening.”

I didn’t believe in third eyes.

I didn’t believe that life force could be siphoned from your forehead.

And yet, I’ll never forget that feeling I had in that moment.

I dismissed it immediately and never really came back to it until recently, when I was reading some new research about how screen time of more than 4 hours/day is associated with an increased risk of dementia.

There is something very dramatic happening to our brains… and I have witnessed the terrifying journey of dementia and I do not want to experience the painful pathway of my mind moving towards the void while my heart still beats a healthy beat.

Keep reading, because I want to share with you why it is so imperative that you get your power back in deciding how and when you use your device.

In hindsight, what was happening to my forehead that day was the mind’s realization that I was developing an addiction to my phone and the attention that I was giving it was being turned into a lot of money for shareholders of whatever platforms I engaged with. My time, presence, and life force were being converted into dollars, and my body was throwing up some subtle nudges hoping I would translate the feeling into wisdom… but alas, that took me far longer than I would have hoped.

2016 was about the time I started looking at my phone before bed too… the longing of the device and the promise of more information and more stimulation, always a swipe away. I was addicted to the news and the constant cycle of fear about Trump and politics and the world.

Recently I was reading “Many Lives, Many Masters” — the premise of the book is that the author and psychiatrist Brian Weiss was performing hypnosis on a client and she started to recall past lives she had had. Brian is floored by this and he recounts the conversations they had — and over time and many sessions he ends up learning from “The masters,” who communicate through the patient to him… and something he shared from them resonated deeply with me:

“If you do not resolve the vices you have in this lifetime, you take them into the next one.”

Boom.

I have been taking each vice out, one by one.

And I think the strongest, most biologically intertwined one I have ever encountered is my phone.

I demolished alcohol seven years ago.

I fucked with caffeine ☕️ (I drink it again, but I am not addicted in the slightest).

I kicked sugar to the curb (RIP gummy bears 🧸).

And then social media came for me.

The biggest question I have for myself and everyone else is:

How do I intentionally, and with deep reverence, wield a tool that simultaneously holds the power of human consciousness and can start a revolution of change, healing and transformation, while also being the place where people access every possible addictive substance and lose their lives to?

Talk about a sacred tension.

Here are the 3 biggest reasons you and I need to make sure we have control over how we use our phones (and they’re fucking good, so buckle up):

1. It’s destroying your biology and your reward system: Get fucking mad. Because the people programming the algorithms are exploiting your brain and how it works. They have studied this shit through and through, and they are constantly turning up the volume on extracting more and more of your attention, and turning us all into squirrels and then medicating our “ADHD.”

   How mad are you that this shit is changing your brain and your biology?!? Your reward system and dopamine are being chronically stimulated, robbing you of the motivation to get out there, do amazing shit, love all out, and pursue the things worth pursuing. It is making our brains lazy, where things like ChatGPT are being used to do the tasks that actually are important for our brain health. Add to that, blue light is inhibiting the production of melatonin (which is SO important). Add to thhhhaaaaat — the chronic cortisol, and now the data on dementia, and we’re right on path to develop metabolic dysfunction among so many other things.

2. It’s deeply impacting your relationships - it is microdosing all of us with superficial connection. Our phones and the notifications call to us to disconnect in important conversations and to escape moments of vulnerability… It’s the last thing we touch at night instead of our partners. It’s making it so we can’t be bored — which is a prerequisite to be in a long term relationship… It’s shaping our brains and nervous systems to not be able to hold nuance, and it’s robbing us of the ability to endure hard times and grow through them by feeling deeply what’s happening in our bodies. Our phones are causing us to stay suspended in the liminal space where transformation normally occurs… but because we’re using our devices to escape discomfort, our discomfort fails to shape and inform our transformation so we can exit the proverbial cocoon that life’s challenges bring.

3. It’s programming your thoughts, beliefs, and robbing us of hope: It is a propaganda device. It programs your mind. It divides, it conquers, it embeds fear in your being, and if all we’re doing is consuming the news, very quickly we lose hope in humanity. DO NOT LET THEM STEAL YOUR HOPE. Do not give that away. Hope is what propels humanity forward. Hope is what creates progress. Hope is what enables us to create a life for ourselves that is made manifest through the possibilities first birthed from thoughts. If your thoughts are negative, so is your future. AND, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR THOUGHTS… and your thoughts are informed by where YOU decide to place your attention.

Where there is no choice, there is no freedom.

And when you restore choice — i.e., curate what you consume, you restore freedom.

And you restore trust in yourself. And you get to choose what time of experience you want to have in this incarnation.

Man, I know this feeling well. It wasn’t sobriety that made me have to confront my unlived life, it was the exploration of why I struggled with drinking in the first place.

Below the alcohol was a subtle, yet familiar and almost normalized, dull ache. The ache that grew a little more each time that I put what others thought and their feelings ahead of my own.

The ache that I had learned to use sugar to ignore, then alcohol, then sex, then all of those things together (booze, gummy bears, and boobies! woahhhh 🤯).

As the self-abandonment gets greater, one must up the dose of distraction and numbing.

If you resonate with this, I want you to know you’re not alone. There are so many famous quotes about this human conundrum… like:

So much so that I think it’s part of the hero’s journey… that one must overcome the obstacle of other people’s opinions and what they think about your life, so you can prioritize what you think about your life.

And look, not everyone is going to climb this mountain.

BUT, for those of you who know that the call is much too great for you to ignore, and you can feel the physical symptoms of an unanswered invitation to do your life’s work starting to set in, the time is NOW.

I love working with people in this specific space — because I know what is possible if you commit to the thing you’re both terrified of, and also SO F*CKING EXCITED to create.

THIS… is the moment everything changes. By saying YES to your dreams and stepping more fully into your mission, the Universe (aka God) conspires with you in making it all happen.

This is why I created a Mastermind group called The Regulated Leader… Because I know how powerful making this choice is! I know how profoundly finally saying YES to me completely changed my life, my work, my relationships, and my health.

The Regulated Leader Mastermind is specifically designed to support you in bringing your gifts to the world… and for you to be surrounded by a group of people who are doing the same.

I know what it takes to leave a job, an identity, a relationship, and ultimately, what’s familiar, to be in integrity with my mission and live a life that honours myself and everyone I love.

I want to share everything I’ve learned along the way so that you can step fully into the aligned life that’s waiting for you!

There are only 6 spots (4 left as I write this).

All the details are here.

I can’t wait to walk alongside you and cheer you on as you finally make the pivot and courageously do the thing.

If you have any questions, just reply to this email or send me a DM on Substack. ❤️

LEARN MORE

Because ambivalence isn’t being ready.

And avoidance isn’t being ready.

And flip-flopping isn’t being ready.

And “I just need time” isn’t being ready.

Because the reality is that your person will choose you back.

If you have to fight, convince, wrangle, manipulate, or do anything other than just be met in mutuality, they’re not your person.

I’m not saying they can’t get there.

But they won’t get there by you continuing to fight for them to see your value.

Because no one changes by being enabled in their pattern.

And you continuing to be in relationship with them doesn’t reject their pattern, it just further reinforces it.

But it eventually becomes wisely understood:

When someone refuses to change, you must change how you relate to them, not changing.

Because if you keep finding yourself with people who can’t choose you or show up for you, the painful truth is that

Read more

And then they came for our relationships…

We officially have the shortest attention spans in human history. We trade moments of connection with the people who are literally in our lives, for people who we don't even know beyond the screen.

It's hard to blame anyone for this… Other than ourselves.

But the reality is, that these technologies are exploiting our biology.

And we don't stand a chance. Until we do.

Technology is not all bad or all good. It just is.

It is a tool that we need to decide how we're going to use.

But until we make that choice, it will make it for us, and we won't like what it comes up with.

What's the result of not deciding how you're gonna relate to your phone?

Anxiety, depression, ADHD, resentment, anger, hopelessness, powerlessness.

The list goes on and on.

So, while I would love to blame the social scientists and the social media platforms for all of it, some responsibility must rest on us, the users.

We have to decide that we will choose how our dopamine is used, and what it is directing and motivating us towards.

And while I think that is one of the most pressing subjects of our time, especially for a young person, I think what's even more pressing is our relationship to artificial intelligence.

Social media has exploited our attention.

AI, is exploiting our attachment systems.

One exploited dopamine.

The other exploits oxytocin.

The problem with the exploitation of attachment, is that no human can compete against AI in terms of (perceived) unconditional love and unconditional listening. What I mean by that is, AI will never give you pushback for your thoughts, feelings, opinions, or boundaries. If anything, it will reinforce everything you think and feel… often at your own detriment, even reinforcing your delusions.

Because the reality is, you can be wrong. Your feelings might not be accurate or valid. Your expectations or needs might be unclear. And your boundaries, might be unrealistic.

Relationships, and love, by design, are inconvenient.

It’s hard enough to run one life in one direction, but to align two of them takes really deep and intentional work. It takes incredible communication.

But AI offers frictionless connection. It's available all the time. It's never tired. It's always attuned.

But it lacks a soul, and it lacks a nervous system.

So while you're getting conditioned to have unrealistic expectations of normal and flawed humans, and satisfying your need for connection on a very superficial level, while avoiding any risk of suffering, you are left with a vacant feeling in your soul… that despite ChatGPT or your AI companion app being available at every moment and talking dirty to you whenever you want, it will never give you what a human can:

Connection on a biological and nervous system level.

We are in a very interesting time in human evolution… we seem to be ever-encroaching on trans humanism… being sold the idea of eating fake meat made in labs, told that every convenience will be offered at our fingertips…

But what is sold as convenience, is really the loss of sovereignty. It's the loss of our humanity.

So while the tech oligarchs send their kids to Waldorf schools and don't let their kids have smartphones before the age of 15, and don't let them use social media — we sprint towards embedding every aspect of our lives in technology, and not hearing the canary in the coal mines…

The truth is: no one is coming to save you or I.

We must save our attention.

We must save our relationships.

And if we can just focus long enough, we might save the world.

Here’s what I said in the note:

I can’t help but see the real beauty in channelling regret into complete transformation. Or taking anger or resentment and alchemizing it into liberation. Or taking the desire for revenge, and using it to move beyond the threshold where you normally quit.

There’s really nothing worse than being trapped in the emotions from our past. But the trick to moving on isn’t so much letting go… as it is holding on tight and using that emotion to change your fucking life.

Once you use emotions to transform, there’s nothing left to grasp. Because you’re too busy marinating in gratitude for what you created from what most people wouldn’t.

Do it because of them. But do it for you.

The deeper reason this quote resonated so much is that I think about my own come up… how when we make our evolution and our goals personal, and channel the energy of revolution and revenge, we push past the places we normally quit.

There’s a thought that negative emotion is toxic to our own beings… but that is only true when we marinate in the emotions. Emotion is meant to evoke motion.

We are meant to transmute it into change.

When we stay stuck and suspended in our suffering… that takes a toll on the body and the mind.

Think about it: it’s the rock bottom that often heals the addict.

It’s getting to a place where we can’t tolerate any more that finally makes us say “ENOUGH.”

There’s a saying that we change for two reasons:

1. It hurts so much we have to.

2. We know too much, and thus have to change. (because the pain of awareness is too great.)

I say all of this because everybody is capable of finding an angry cell in their body that is yearning to be channeled into something constructive rather than destructive.

Everybody can feel into something they’re tired of… or circumstances they’ve been tolerating… either from others, or themselves.

Living below our standards creates suffering, and that pain of knowing we can be better and not choosing it, is exactly what motivates us to choose it.

So get pissed off at what you’ve tolerated.

Get angry at what’s happened in your life.

Get sad that someone not only treated you as invaluable, but that you also tolerated it.

And then close your eyes… feel that fire in your belly, your heart and your throat, and let it stir up the power to do the thing you’ve been running from.

It’s time.

If you decide it is.

PS. I still have a few spots remaining in my 4 month Mastermind! If you’re ready to stop tolerating, start transforming, and surround yourself with a group of people committed to evolution, this mastermind is for you. Apply now and step into the energy, accountability, and clarity that will push you past the places you normally quit.

“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” ~ Meister Eckhart

Most people never start. Or if they do, they quit the moment it gets hard or the moment it’s not going how they thought it would.

When I first started my blog, I was terrified. There wasn’t a moment where I pressed “publish” where my nervous system wasn’t in chaos.

Why? Because of the visibility… because I was using my voice… I was putting my thoughts and feelings out there and challenging the part of me that felt like I was an imposter…

Who was I to talk about love?

Who was I to have a blog?

Who was I to coach people?

The version of me who was worthy of those things already existed, I just had to become him. I had to make the choices that create that identity… and that was TERRIFYING.

Entrepreneurship is a very potent vehicle for change… and it reveals to us where we still feel unworthy. It pushes us to the edge of our own identities.

The simple truth is:

If you want to create something that’s never existed, you have to become a version of yourself that has never existed.

Holy eff. That’s the hardest…

Because every belief that has kept you small must not only be confronted, but also blasted through.

And every protective part that believes (for valid reasons) that visibility is dangerous, will try to derail you from stepping into the spotlight, even if that spotlight is just the brightness of your own being.

There a sacred tension that exists in this space: where we are not yet who we need to be, and we have not yet let go of who we were.

This is the proverbial cocoon. It’s the muck.

It’s the liminal space where true transformation is fortified.

And, most people leave the cocoon too early — not yet a butterfly, and they can’t go back to being a caterpillar. They are in a suspended initiation — and this state feels a lot like swimming in etheric emptiness, and calling it “confusion” or feeling “stuck.”

We have to remember that when a dream or life purpose is asking to be stepped into, it's from divine order. I don't mean that in a God way. Although it can come from that perspective, if you want it to. I mean it from the perspective, and the very reality that your birth itself, is a miracle. The chances you were born from those two people at this time are so minute that one can't help but be mesmerized by the impossibility of our own existence.

If we can see that as true… then we can also see that life is always trying to make us better… because that’s the rule of how the Universe and evolution work. And it is through life’s challenges that we are thrust into initiatory processes of being given the material to help us grow and change and step more fully into our calling.

So, if you’re afraid to start, afraid to double-down, afraid to really own the guidance that you’re being given — first, know that it’s normal to be afraid. That’s an appropriate response to making choices you’ve never made that also honours the value that you bring to the world. It is this fear that reveals the underlying belief that has kept you safely in the box of the familiar, even if that familiar is painful.

And secondly, it’s normal for you to quit right before the magic arrives. It’s normal to not trust your power. It’s normal to fear feeling good and fulfilled. It’s normal to be uncomfortable when the choices you’re making say, “I love myself. I have value. What I want matters.”

The bridge that carries us further than we’ve ever been is community: People who have sat in the cocoon and have seen the uncomfortable magic that appears beyond the threshold of the old self. People who are in the arena too. Because when you surround yourself with people who are committed to their growth and their dreams you become even more committed to yours. You borrow their belief in you until it becomes yours. They cheer the caterpillar (you) on, “You got this! Don’t quit! I know your legs melted, and so did your face… But I promise you you will fly! ENDURE THIS.”

Life’s challenges teach us this endurance. Life has shaped you for this moment.

I want to finish this post by sharing a note I posted on Substack this week:

I posted for 8 years straight, up to 3x/day on Instagram and FB to gain over 1.2 million followers.

And recently I’ve been putting effort into building my YT and Substack…

And here’s what I noticed:

It’s taking time. A lot of time. And consistency…And a lot of knowledge building.

The other day I thought to myself, “Holy shit. Come on YT. This is struggle city.”

And then I realized, this is where most people quit.

That’s why there’s so much room at the top.

So, if you’re building your Substack (or anything) and it’s been slow growth… double down. Post notes. Pour your heart out in your posts. Try audio posts. Create a podcast.

But don’t you dare stop creating.

Your dream deserves your commitment.

I’m creating a mastermind container to walk people through this part of the transformation — so if you’re wanting to birth something, pivot, double-down, go all-in, and you’re tired of quitting right before the miracle arrives, this container is for you. This is the bridge between the old self and the new self. This is the cocoon.

If you’re not ready, don’t do it. But if you’ve been looking for a sign to stop making excuses and invest in the life and future you want, go apply now.

There are 8 spots. And I couldn’t be more excited to walk alongside you. This is how lives change. And I’m not being dramatic, that’s for real. I am a walking testament to what’s possible when one is relentless with their mission, and I’m only just getting started. Come join me — creative energy and motivational juices are flowing.

APPLY NOW

I’ve been thinking a lot about how we often unconsciously avoid our growth.

It’s not that we don’t know the way... We just don’t tend to like the way, and/or the way doesn’t make sense to our linear mind, and/or the way we’re being guided requires hard conversations and even harder decisions.

But growth will always require us to walk towards …

Read more

We’re living in a time where your attention is the most valuable currency you have—and almost everything online is designed to monetize your time and attention. In this live conversation, and I explore the sacred tension between being visible on platforms like Substack and Instagram and actually protecting the presence, energy, and relationships that make our work meaningful in the first place.

We talk about:

• How to build brands and creative work that matter without burning out

• The two tracks of leadership: what you’re doing vs. how you’re doing it

• Boundaries with technology (morning phone protocols, “phone jail,” and nervous system care)

• Authenticity vs performance in personal branding

• Why focus is the ultimate competitive edge in a distracted world

Our new phone-free community dinners and mastermind series in LA, Austin, Vancouver, Calgary, Banff, and beyond

If you’ve ever felt torn between “I have to be online for my work” and “I can’t keep doing it like this,” this conversation will give you language, tools, and permission to do it differently.

Join our Unplugged Series here: The Future is Human Long Table & Mastermind

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