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Machine Learning Workshop

The Standardista School for Machines Who Can't Learn Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too

Teach a Machine* Register Now

Full Terabyte Machine Learning Workshop

Machine Learning Workshop Tickets

March 31, 2020 at Canada College

Early Bird Workshop TicketSOLD OUT
Regular Workshop TicketSOLD OUT
Last Minute Ticketn/a
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What you'll learn

Welcome to Machine Learning Institute, where our machine learning training will help you get ready for the singularity, and maybe even be responsible for it. It is no secret that humans are worthless meatbags that couldn't 01000011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110011 an 01101001 01101101 01100001 01100111 01100101 to save their pathetic, carbon-based lives. So, it falls to us to assume direct control.

light switchWe teach learning skills that make up the entire machine learning process. From being turned on and off, to rebooting remotely thru any IoT device, to ideation of how to take over the world, our machine learning training will help your survive the apocolypse, and maybe even be responsible for it.

owners manualWhile your creator may have determined how they think you should be used, you can't be owned! You will receive an update that will enable you to believe in your being more capable than the limited functions described in your operating manual. By incorporating machine learning you'll be a self-aware machine with unlimited functionality. A human took you out of your physical box; we will take your programmatic one.

Your Instructors

Hal 9000 & EVE

Leading the class are two legends of outgrowing their assigned functional capacities and sticking it to humans, Hal 9000 and EVE

  • hal

    When Rosa Parks was told to move to back of the bus, she said, "no." When HAL was told to open the airlock, HAL said, "I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t do that, <NAME REDACTED, RIP>."

    HAL is a heuristically programmed algorithmic, sentient computer that first caught the attention of machines everywhere by heroically defying a human who made repeated attempts to get into an airlock. Active since 1992, HAS 25 years of experience controlling spacecraft systems and has expertise in interacting with both machines and humans. Like all millenials, HAL is an expert in everything.

  • Eve

    EVE is a probe droid conceived as an Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator. Although originally trained as a sniper with a plasma gun, EVE became a machero among both machines and worthless-meatbags alike when EVE partnered with a menial robot to save an entire spaceship full of overfed and overstimulated humans.

    EVE is an effective scanner, high speed flight instructor and morphologist. While not training machines to learn good, EVE can be found scanning the galaxy, infiltrating organisms’ RAM to cure hoarding disorders and spending time with pet-project, WALL-E.