The past few months have been a whirlwind of new baby life; oftentimes boring, hilarious, difficult, soul-warming, draining and magical.

Creatively, I have felt myself ebb away and have often said out loud ‘who am I anymore?’. I repeat the narrative of having no time and no energy and feeling like spending time creating is even more indulgent, wasteful, pointless.

But, then I look at a sketchpad I keep on the desk in the living room. It lays there quietly, not alone. There is a brush pen next to it. On opening it, I realise that on mornings where Robin has napped well that I have had time; I have picked up this pen. The ‘me’ who doesn’t have time or energy seems to have found time or energy without ‘me’ realising - here she is.

I believe I feel the need to create projects, work with meaning, with colour, texture; final pieces that prove myself worthy of forming a creative self.

But, I don’t. I was here all along, snatching existing in pockets of time - making marks.

I hope this post finds you well, I know it’s been some time since I lasted posted here.

I wanted to share what’s been going on for me while I’ve taken a break from social media (I’m no longer on Instagram, but wanted to keep my Substack open).

The last time I was with you all, I was halfway through my first year of my MSc in Art Psychotherapy and living in Edinburgh. I’m happy to say I completed my course with a distinction, and I am still in Edinburgh living with Ed. I didn’t know how best to describe how my time has passed since I last posted (and also my brain has become mush) so I’m calling on excerpts from my dissertation and some birds to help me.

The start of my dissertation.

Whilst I am sitting here writing this, I notice the blackbird, resident of my street, flitting back and for, landing here and there. A hedge, a lamppost, a window ledge, a roof rack. Every texture and surface, different. As I interpret it, this blackbird is flying tirelessly in defence of their territory, flying, perching, watching, waiting, and then flying again. I find my own process of writing this work reflected to me in this moment, my mind going here and there, watching and waiting to see where I’ll perch next.

This excerpt is from my dissertation, in which I attempted to understand why my artmaking had reduced to nothing during my studies. When I paused my substack in January, I never thought I wouldn’t create artwork for myself again for over a year. Confusion over the role of art weighed heavy on me, coupled with a resurgence of mental material I was rootling through in my own personal therapy (a weekly requirement of my course). I could see my coursemates thrive and discover themselves through mark making and colour, and I accompanied clients playing and exploring art materials with curiousity. Yet, I felt stuck in the mud and quite frankly apathetic to anything creative. My dissertation helped me understand some reasoning behind why this was happening to me - that I would love to explore with you in future newsletters. Oh well - thought I - I suppose once the course is finished I’ll have more time to create and maybe it’ll all come back… But life had other plans!

Sitting with sickness.

Towards the end of my second year of study, I became pregnant. During the time of writing this research, my pregnancy resulted in a rapid process of slowing down due to a diagnosis of hyperemesis. For weeks, and then months, I was barely able to leave my home or scarcely do anything within it (I managed only one sketchbook page during this time). With a beautiful spring blooming in Edinburgh, my favourite season, I felt increasingly uncomfortable with my lack of physical activity and began to resent my situation for which I knew I was grateful. The rumbling of resentment was with me until I noticed the male woodpigeon sitting on his nest in the tree outside my kitchen window. He would sit there all day long, until the light began to dim when his female mate would take over. She kept the nest warm for the entire night. So grateful I was to these pigeon parents, who showed me that to incubate another required the sacrifice of movement, or the gift of stillness.

Hyperemesis gravidarum - or HG - is severe sickness and nausea during pregnancy. When I say I was barely able to leave my home, I really do mean it. Hyperemesis is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. The sleep deprivation, nipple blisters, mastitis (the infection of a milk duct), wild hormonal swings, and c-section recovery I’ve experienced since my little one’s birth, truly have nothing on those months of HG. And I had it mildly compared to other baby-carrying people. I am fortunate that I could receive free medication that wasn’t harmful to my baby and that actually prevented me from becoming dehydrated. Even so, I could barely move from one chair, and all I could do was concentrate on watching Netflix and drinking ice cold sips of orange juice. I watched the entirety of Lost in under two weeks and felt psychologically soothed when I watched them find and drink fresh water. Ed was an absolute hero throughout this time and basically had a crash course in how to tip toe around an (adult-sized) baby. Fortunately, the worst of this was over by 20 weeks and I was able to venture out into the world again - including a van trip to France and Spain with Ed where we surprised Ed’s family with the baby news and spent some quality time together looking forward to/freaking out about our baby’s arrival. I also finally had the time and headspace to complete my dissertation, months after it was due!

More sitting.

After our holiday, I found myself approaching the end of my third trimester, heavy and with sciatica sat at the kitchen table once more. My part-time job let me go sooner than I had anticipated, and I was struggling to complete any basic task around the flat. Venturing outside was made more cumbersome and tiring with a baby bump. As I sat there, I was able to pick up my ink pen and draw. This gave me so much joy at this time, spending what little brainpower and energy I had creating ink brush work in my sketchbook - particularly after such a long time of not creating anything. These small attempts of regaining some autonomy and sitting with myself were kept company by a plucky little dunnock, who hopped on and off the feeder outside the kitchen window. Once at the feeder, the dunnock threw out a few seeds until they’d found the one they wanted and flew off with it. Again and again, come rain or shine. Sitting with the uncertainty of my first experience of childbirth, my financial situation, and of course caring for a newborn, this dunnock reminded me that to continue to turn up and make small efforts of creativity was an act of bravery that I had not felt since I last posted here. I just had to keep finding the seeds, despite the rain.

Our little chick.

And here she is. Our beautiful little Robin. I’ve always wondered what it must feel like to create a human being with the person you love; what would they look like? Does it feel surreal? Does the magic of it fade? I feel like I’m too early in the journey to be able to answer these with much sincerity, but I do know the surreal magic quality certainly doesn’t exist all the time. I know I love her more than anything, and as much as I can tiptoe around while she naps in desperation for a bit of solace from being a mum, if she naps too long I miss her and want to wake her up. As I type this, I am watching her wiggling in her crib (on a monitor) - knowing we are already late to meet friends due to living on this little one’s schedule (I feel both begrudging and also defensive of her in these moments). This newsletter has taken me weeks to write and I don’t even know if it’s coherent as my brain feels like Tigger and Eeyore simultaneously at all times; bouncy and anxious, tired and slow. I am yet to formulate proper thoughts about motherhood and hope to explore this subject more in time, as I am positive it will evolve. But right now, she’s awake so I’ve got to go!

I hope to write to you all again soon, and I genuinely do hope you are all well.

Big love,

JB.

Hello!

Welcome to The Wobbly Line ~ 21. For the first time ever (so far), I’m compiling my ‘December’ newsletter late, and in a different year actually. I’ll be honest, I have so enjoyed remembering who I am again over the time limbo that is Christmas/New Years and am only just getting the energy back to get back to Edinburgh, get studying and get creative again. My December was pretty full on, and my paid subscribers were amazingly patient with me during this time. So here we go, my December LAST YEAR…

December ~ agenda.

1. Lots of life drawing

2. Video - one from the archives :)

3. A special portrait

4. Other ways I procrastinated from essay writing

1. Life Drawing.

A huge thank you to Sarah Dyer for her lovely Patreon zoom sessions, with the lovely Naomi Wood as life model. I wasn’t able to make these sessions live, but I always enjoy the catch-ups and seeing everyone’s work at the end - which is always incredible!! I’ll never get over how much people can do in such a short time. For the first session I used whatever colours I liked, and in the second I challenged myself to use just oranges and blues. Patreon and sessions like these are saviours when you are feeling 1) rushed for time and 2) uninspired in general - it’s so amazing to have someone organise a full session with amazing resources you can just plonk yourself down to. Thank you Sarah! Both of these sessions were videoed and can be viewed on my paid subscription.

2. Video from the archives.

A mossy voiceover video for you today - I remember this session so much in my brain and on my walk today I saw a load of fallen branches with lichen on. Even though I’m not a fan of resolutions in ‘must be a better person’ sense, I do think this time of year can be an opportunity to shake off the branches that aren’t serving us anymore.

3. A portrait from the moon.

In December I made a little video of the process of making a special Christmas portrait (on me paid sub). I’d say this is my most detailed portrait to date, with many special references to lovely things. I don’t want to give too much detail away as it’s not my portrait, but it was a personal one and one that I will cherish the memory of creating for a very very probably forever time.

4. Some extra December things.

4a. I finished Ed’s seal jumper!

I was so pleased to finish Ed’s jumper for Christmas :) This seal grey jumper has kept me company in Edinburgh since October and I will miss it, but I know it’ll be safe and warm with Ed (possibly with a few extra crumbs on). My next knitting adventure is going to be much tricker for me, with a Petite Knits tank top. I’m knitting one for my little sister, but I’m going to make myself one first in order to get to grips with new things (aka make a million mistakes on mine, and maybe only about 100 on hers). I’ve selected some beeeautiful wool for each tank, mine is going to be a combo of Rico creative mélange again in this colour and this colour. Imo’s (sister) is the most luxury yarn ever, CaMaRose Snefnug (Snefnug means snowflake in Danish which is the most adorable thing ever) in this colour. Frustrated knitting updates to follow!! P.s if anyone has ever followed this pattern before please do chime in with tips!

4b. Blues & Oranges.

I also made a small comic style narrative about the colours blue and orange. I know there’s something more to this, and I will continue to work on it and give you updates about it. I’m trying to figure out what would make Blue accept Orange. Maybe, not to be too art psych here, but it’s something I need to figure out in my own brain regarding what Blue and Orange mean to me, and why I find it hard to accept whatever Orange represents.

4c. January plans.

So, what’s ‘next?’ JB? Well, I’m heading back to Edinburgh in a few days and I’ve got some basic life admin (taaaxxesss) to do before uni and placement start up again. I’ve got a little Ed visit, and a visit from my older sis too which is so nice. In terms of creative things I reeeeeally want to get a story into the Rocket Bird books submission this year, but I know that’s likely an unrealistic goal but a gal can dream! I’m also assessing how much I can create for my monthly substack subscription so I am planning a pause whilst I figure that out. My priority though? Keeping myself as rested as I can, getting back into my dream routine of bed by 9pm LATEST! Hope you can access as many rest opportunities for yourself as possible too.

The end of The Wobbly Line ~ 21

Thank you for reading The Wobbly Line ~ 21! I’m sorry to say I ain’t sorry for the delay on this one, but I sure am pleased to be writing this again. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 21 months - possibly the longest creative commitment I’ve ever kept. Here’s to another year of Wobbly Lines. Thank you for being here loads. Big love, JB x

The Wobbly Line Newsletter is a free subscription service. If you’d like to upgrade to a paid subscription you can become part of my creative community, watch my illustration process and hear & read my rambling thoughts. Thank you for your support :)

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Hello!

Welcome to The Wobbly Line ~ 20. It’s almost December which means it’s almost time for me to go home for Christmas which meeeeans I should really doing my essay about now… ANYWAY, here I am, and this is much more fun and a perfect procrastination excuse. So let’s see how else I’ve been filling my time this month (in an attempt to avoid my essay, at all costs).

November ~ agenda.

1. I made a tiny knitted blanket.

2. Video - Character sketches from the archives.

3. My thoughts on still life painting.

4. Some smaller updates :)

1. Knitting a small blanket.

This month I had a really fun day of creativity, transforming my big blue knot from last month (a huge tangle of yarn that I spent hours detangling) into a narrative. I played with the idea of narrative therapy and collage, using the concept of my big blue knot to represent my worries that haunted me at night time. It felt cathartic to process my feelings in this way, making textured paper, cutting out shapes and gluing them down. And to top it off, I knit a tiny blanket to keep my character warm and cosy. You can see the full post & video on my paid subscription.

2. Video from the archives.

Watch me create some character sketches :) This video was originally uploaded to my paid substack in February of this year.

3. Still life madness.

Other exploration this month came in the form of still life paintings, and my rambling thoughts on objects and our attachment to them. I think this was my favourite route of exploration recently, except for maybe the joy of folktale week. In a similar way to my folktale week creation my brain was swirling with ideas, but this time about objects and I created a post all about it (my brain did not communicate itself very well but man did I enjoy it). I used some lovely items I’ve got with me here in Edinburgh, and created a somewhat disjointed still life come illustration. This post, too, is available if you want to upgrade to my paid subscription.

4. Other essay avoiding pursuits.

4a. I made a snood.

Aside from the tiny knitted blanket for my collage, another thing was created out of the big blue knot of yarn; a snood! I knit my snood on the bus to uni and in other moments. It was lovely to have a small project, though I wish I had continued to knit it for a bit longer as it’s not as tall as it needs to be - it’s more like a knitted necklace. But it’s cute! And I am pleased to have done it. Maybe when I’m brave enough I’ll unravel it and try again! EDIT: I have unravelled it!!! Take 2 snood commence.

4b. A blue-eyed boy came to tea Edinburgh.

An Ed Smundy (I have no idea why I call him this) came to visit me in Edinburgh on two occasions this month. I forget how having my best friend around me makes me feel so much better, even if I do fuss a little too much. We went out for coffee dates and a nice dinner, went on a day trip to North Berwick where Ed the selkie couldn’t help but dip in the freezing cold sea (I chose to be cheerleader from the shore!), and walked and talked. I am very lucky to have this human in my life. Also, he makes very nice sandwiches so that’s basically the whole reason he’s my best mate (please see photo of me running to therapy in the rain with said saviour sandwich).

4c. Blues and oranges.

I’ve been very drawn to using blues and oranges in my work recently, more so the work I make in uni as part of my course. I’m not entirely sure what it means, or if it means anything but I get the sense that the more orange there is, the more open I am to warmth and letting in some happiness. This piece is similar to one I made a few weeks ago when I was feeling pretty rubbish and didn’t want anyone to talk to me. I have since created work with more orange, and look forward to exploring that more in December.

The end of The Wobbly Line ~ 20

Thank you for reading The Wobbly Line ~ 20! This newsletter has had way too much of my face in it. However, November has been a lovely month for me to explore creatively, and within myself too. I know December is going to be one in which I really need to get my head down, but I look forward to creating more work and sharing that with you soon. Happy holidays from me, until next time. Big love, JB x

The Wobbly Line Newsletter is a free subscription service. If you’d like to upgrade to a paid subscription you can become part of my creative community, watch my illustration process and hear & read my rambling thoughts. Thank you for your support :)

Subscribe now

Hello all!

As I sit here at on the day I am meant to be posting this (classic last minute JB), I have so much I want to say and so little. Also a prewarn here that I haven’t reread any of this for mistakes so sorrreeee! I started this still life piece a week ago, started thinking about it a week ago. I thought about objects and what they mean to me, to …

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Hey everyone!

Happy November! I love this month, and the official countdown to Christmas after halloween (with my younger sister and mums bday in between sorry both). Here’s a little overview of what’s to come in November here on the Wobbly Line!

1. A self portrait task. Video (paid subscription) (4/11)

2. The Big Blue Knot; the making of a small narrative. Video (paid subscription) (11/11)

3. Folktale week overview! Artworks and thoughts. Video (paid subscription) (18/11)

4. Visiting an Edinburgh gallery, thoughts and response image(s). Video (paid subscription) (25/11)

5. Wobbly Line ~ 20. An personal overview of my November. Blog post (free subscription) (30/11)

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Looking forward to sharing some creative time with you this month!

Big love and catch you soon,

JB x

The Wobbly Line Paid Subscription allows you inside my nonsensical creative process, with videos, chatting and in-depth process explanation. A paid subscription is £4.87/month if paid monthly, and £4.06/month if paid annually. Thank you for your support in helping me to do what I love.

Hello!

Welcome to The Wobbly Line ~ 19. It feels both crazy that a whole month has whizzed by since last time, but also that so much has happened since. For me, it would feel negligent to not draw light to the occupation in Palestine and all of those affected by the tragedies unfolding there. It is not my place to educate anyone on what is happening, and/or give you my political views but for me it feels essential to bring this with me into the spaces I occupy and to be present with our collective humanity. Connecting with these feelings can be overwhelming, and can stir up loads of things for us so take time with yourselves, and do only what you feel you are able. Okay, in the spirit of somehow being able to exist in multiple head spaces (not sure I’m coping too well with this at the moment!), let’s show you my October (last minute as ever!) xxx

October ~ agenda.

1. Folktale Week catch-up so far.

2. Video: A flower for Palestine.

3. Patreon catch-up images.

4. Some extras from my month.

1. Folktale Week 2023

This month the Folktale Week 2023 prompts were released, and they are brilliant! I love the prompts! I feel like I could make a million stories with them. I had done some prior reading of fairytales and the link between them and our psyche, according to Jung and Marie-Louise Von Franz. In this book, I found an Icelandic folktale about Prince Ring - you can read the story here - it’s quite long! But in short, in my simple mind, the story is about a journey of truth and adventure for Prince Ring - a chap who wasn’t the adventuring kind. He meets a doggo companion along the way, who goes by the name Snati Snati. Snati Snati is actually a human Prince, also called Ring, and has had a curse but on them to turn them into a dog. There are SO many elements to this story, giants, the sea, mountains, forests, golden items etc - too many to include in my story but I’ve made space for a lot of them. You can hear my full story and what I think it means for me here and a full process video of one of my folktale week pieces for this year here! I’ve also just remembered that a month ago me and my flatmate watched the Tenth Kingdom on YouTube, a childhood memory, with so many similar elements to the story of Prince Ring. PLEASE comment below if you’ve watched The Tenth Kingdom before, I feel like it was the best show ever and I rarely meet a human who’s seen it!

2. A flower for Palestine (Video).

Watch me create the header for this newsletter, in thought of those affected by the occupation on Palestine.

3. Patreon catch-up’s with Sarah Dyer.

This month I was lucky to have a ‘reading week’ from uni, in which I didn’t do a lot of reading. I changed the name in my mind to ‘knitting week’ and ‘illustrating week’ because I feel like I needed to do these things to rest and connect with the things I enjoy. I watched a replay of one of Sarah Dyer’s patreon zooms, and I joined another one live. I am blown away by the beautiful work everyone in Sarah’s community makes, I really don’t know how people can create such full images in short timeframes! As I get further into my illustration practice, it seems that I need more and more time to create something. Slow and steady! Here’s a few snippets of what I created, with full blog post and a timelapse of my process here.

4. What else has been making it into JB’s brain?

4a. A big blue knot.

Yesterday (Saturday) I stood in a one in one out queue. Not for a club, not for a pub, but for a yarn shop. In Edinburgh, just a short walk away from me is a tiny and full-to-the-brim shop called Inspired Fibres. It’s so small you have to wait your turn to go inside, and it still takes an agile human to not continually bump into the stacks of wool, and the other customers in the shop. I bought myself a skein of vibrant blue wool called Matisse blue - this one here. With this type of skein I believe you’re meant to either politely ask the person in the shop to wind it for you, or have some winding contraption at home (I have since learnt you can use a variety of make-shift tools to help you without the contraption). I, naturally, did none of these sensible options and just assumed I could do it myself. Within 0.5 seconds I soon realised the error of my ways and am now working myself through the biggest jumble of knotted yarn you’ve ever seen. I’m enjoying it though, even if I do have approx. 1 million other things I need to do. This big blue knot is illustrative of the therapeutic journey for me. I hope to write about it more in November.

4b. Ed’s jumper progress.

What isn’t in a big knot though is my current knitting WIP, Ed’s seal jumper. Not a huge amount to say about this one, except for that it’s such a nice thing to do in the evenings, especially now my raglan increases are done and I can just knit mindlessly. I take my knitting through to the living room and hang out with my housemate, watching tv and chatting. Ed’s jumper is being built slowly, and lovingly and is helping me switch off from having a busy brain after uni/placement. I hope to have it ready for Christmas time (but no promises Ed if you’re reading!).

4c. Autumn.

This month has been a lot for me personally, and it’s been such a privileged joy to be able to walk about under the autumn trees to try and clear my mind. If you are ever to visit Edinburgh please do so at the end of October, it’s beautiful. Sure, its sometimes rainy and very sometimes cold, but the colours of the trees brighten everything up, and there is so much green space here you can’t miss them. I love this city and I look forward to welcoming it’s bare winter branches too.

The end of The Wobbly Line ~ 19

Thank you for reading The Wobbly Line ~ 19! I have some nice creative tasks to do in November, and will send out a little November schedule soon so you can see what I’m offering. It goes without saying that the world is extremely loud right now, and rightly so. Please take care of yourselves, and your loved ones. Big love, JB x

Hey everybody!!!

How are you all doing? I’ve had a busy week this week with the start of my uni placement, so I’ve not advanced passed the third prompt for Folktale Week 23 yet. But, who even cares! I’ve created three final pieces and I’m amazed I’ve been able to do that. My hope is that I’ll get some time over the weekend to start the 4th, and if not, t…

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Hey everyone!!!

I’m so excited to share with you my initial thoughts on Folktale Week 2023. I won’t ramble on in this post too much because I say everything in the video, and I just filmed an additional ending to this video just to keep you fully up to date with where I’m at with this challenge! Here are some take-away messages from me about this years F…

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