I’d heard many stories of its cold inhabitants, too busy and self-absorbed to share a drop of kindness. It had even claimed my brother at one point; he became someone I didn’t recognise until housing costs chewed him up and spat him back home. I could visit for work, but never live there. Until I had no choice but to live there for work. A reluctant but inevitable decision, considering our field. It might be the beating heart of the nation - I called it a heart that works in reverse, sucking in all the talent and leaving the rest of the country gasping for oxygen - and we were pulled into its vortex. Our first winter was grim, but, not being troubled with a wealth of options, we stayed.

Then, the spring came. The city came to life and I began to explore the verdant corners only the locals really know. Locals that I realised I’d misunderstood. It’s a mistake to view a culture through the lens of your own. After 30 countries, surely I’d learned that much? That distance wasn’t because of coldness, but a mix of respect and caution. Any abruptness was honesty. And people were kind. I saw people struggling that were offered help, in all kinds of ways. As time passed, we began to put down roots, like the many trees that make the city, technically, a forest.

A place you visit and a place you live are two very different spaces. In either case, one enters over a threshold. That threshold is not static; you don’t enter the same place twice. I stepped out of Kings Cross station on Sunday night, the same square we crossed into as visitors. What was first suspicion had passed through familiarity into belonging. I felt refreshed with renewal and knew exactly where I was - home.

The only words I understood were suinagara - breathe - and mizu o nomimasho - let’s drink water, the most repeated parts of the hot yoga classes we took in Osaka. The language barrier meant I could only concentrate on the poses themselves, that and the intense heat the instructors loved sent me into altered states.

Every city in Japan has at least one thing they specialise in. Nagasaki’s is the relationship with gaikoku - the rest of the world - especially during Sakoku - their years of isolation. The Museum of History and Culture exhibits many artefacts from that time that express the exchange of goods and scientific learning. There’s less focus on samurai, more on the shogunate that ruled with iron fists. Because there was so much to see in Nagasaki I only planned to zip through the museum. Until I saw the kabuto.

But then Kate entered the class. Of course the gaijin is late. Foreigners are always late. That’s what I imagined my fellow yogini’s were thinking. I felt a strange, dark fury at my friend’s entrance. At once I had a vision of us fighting in the snow, where I lopped off her head with a samurai sword, righteous and justified. Since when do I fantasise about killing anyone? I don’t, and I wasn’t.

There wasn’t anything special about it. It was behind glass, around knee height, surrounded by grey walls. As kabutos go it wasn’t especially ornate or striking. Mostly iron, few embellishments. But I was transfixed. Why? After nearly two years in Japan this sort of thing wasn’t new to me.

Without meaning to, we had been pushing each others’ buttons. So one day Kate and I sat down to talk and to listen, to really see and understand each other. I told her of my vision during yoga and we laughed like lunatics. “Sorry for cutting your head off!” “I’m sorry for cutting off yours!”

And this kabuto wasn’t new to me. I was flooded with that feeling when you’ve misplaced something very important, and then you see it again and cry “That’s mine!” That urgency to have it back in your hands. It was mine. This warrior’s helmet belonged to me. But all I could do was stand there and look at it until I had to walk away.

Kate told me of her trip to one of the famous onsen towns with Michelle, who had left Osaka before I moved there. They were awe-struck with a recollection. Michelle asked: “Have you been here before?” “Yes, but I was carrying a sword.”

I had said I would get to hers at 1pm, but on the day I wake up early to catch the first train. I walk through the deserted streets to the station. Dundee is quiet as cities go, but that quiet is amplified on a dark winter morning.

Although the train is mostly empty, I pick a two seater. I sit down and call again. It rings, no answer. It could be on silent. The overhead lights are blindingly bright, my head downcast, trying to prevent a migraine. I’d normally have my headphones, but don’t, so the piercingly loud tannoy dings and crackles and vibrates my skull.

Some minutes pass. I call, it rings, no answer. I remember the last time I couldn’t reach her. I was at university, three hours away, and when I got there I only had to turn the phone back on. I remember how embarrassed she looked. “Is that all it was? I’m sorry Helen, I feel really daft.” It was ok, I told her, she just wasn’t used to mobile phones.

Three stops. Three times the tannoy shrieks. Each stop, I call, it rings, no answer. She’ll have put it on silent by accident.

She’d only had a mobile a few years. A self-confessed technophobe who’d shout at me and my brothers if we changed any of the settings on the digital radio that was older than I was. She’d shout at us when we tried to get her a phone, finally caving after being taken to hospital with fluid in her lungs.

Walking the last few streets, it was cloudy, a soft light. The rain was soft too, the faint kind that soaks you to the bone. A long, curved street, then round the corner and over the hill. Trees lined the streets, but this was December, so they were bare. I walk quickly, my body heat rising against the cold.

I get to mum’s place. I call, it rings, I can hear it through the door this time. No answer.

“Don’t say my name!”

“Well, what do I do when I need to get your attention? Say ‘Hey, you!’?”

“Yes.”

I live with Rumpelstilskin. I’d rather he not tear himself in two, so I must abide. Still waiting for the reams of freshly spun gold, though.

A relationship that goes the distance requires both tension and affinity. I’m happy to be seen, he is not. For someone that doesn’t want to be seen, hearing your name can feel exposing. One time, I told him a theory I read that cats don’t like loud music because they’re afraid it gives away their location. He laughed?

Alan Watts once recounted the story of a Buddhist teacher who held up a matchbook to his students:

“What is this?” the teacher asked.

“It’s a matchbook” they replied.

“No, it isn’t.” Then he threw it at them.

“That’s what it is.”

Just as a map is not the territory, a name does not encapsulate the person. It bears contemplation whether a name is too much and not enough. Too much because of the power we wield and not enough because of the risk of misunderstanding. A name can unlock a memory, carry associations and connotations that bear no resemblance to the person standing in front of you.

[Redacted] has been standing in front of me for 10 years.

A relationship that goes the distance requires both tension and affinity. Affinity prevents the seemingly innocuous from becoming the profane. I, too, feel my skin crawl at the sound of my full first name. We all have our quirks.

My father, Joseph Justin Diamond, had a history of taking himself on solo ski trips, to his detriment. Three occasions stand out: the first I heard of was when my sister was battling leukaemia. He needed a break, you see. My mum didn't, apparently. She only had to take my sister to the hospital and care for my two brothers, all young children. The cancer took her at the age of four. As one might surmise, that ski trip was the death of any love between my parents.

The second time he had to be rescued by helicopter. He’d gone off-piste, on his own, and had gotten into a bit of trouble in a lake. He nearly lost his foot to frostbite. His time recovering at home was one of the longest stretches I remember him being there. He worked abroad usually, so I didn't see him much. I was used to it.

He’d been home before that third and final time. I remember the attempt at a rushed goodbye as he’d decided to go last minute. He tried to give us goodbye kisses - my only thought was “yuck”.

Perhaps if he’d taken us with him we could have swapped out his shoes. He might not even have died at all.

He died 32 years ago. His body is most likely dust now, but those boots will still be there.

Religions typically indoctrinate children, as kids are less likely to interrogate beliefs as thoroughly as adults. As adults we can challenge assumptions and take risks, reasoning that we may get things wrong but as long as we stay true to ourselves we can’t really fail.

As we grow and move through the world we learn to trust what seems counter-intuitive. To keep something, you have to let it go. To solve a problem, relax - go to sleep! To grow fit and strong, remember to rest. To find something, stop looking for it. In quantum physics there’s a theory that the future dictates the past. All those solid objects around you? Mostly empty space.

The other day, the story of Eve and Adam was turned on its head for me. It was almost a whisper, a subtle and easily missed “free to enjoy the fruits of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil” in a book I was reading, then my long held assumptions were trashed and this tale was reframed.

This was not a story of human failings and an eternal curse, but an allegory of our emergence as beings of consciousness, a diagram of how the decision-making journey progresses through our feminine (intuitive) and masculine (reasoning) aspects, and a message that if one is to heed the call to greater awareness and higher knowledge one must be ready to leave the confines of the comfort zone.

That is not a death sentence. That is liberation. Granted it doesn’t seem that way when we still inhabit the comfort zone. It’s not until we journey out and look back that we can see just how small it really is.

The Lovers is that moment when an inner transformation has occurred (represented by the snake), is felt intuitively first (as the snake first speaks to Eve) and then must get our reasoning faculty on board (as Eve petitions Adam). Our ‘masculine’ aspect initially argues this internal change will mean leaving what we know, risking stability - a counter-intuitive act. Why risk leaving the Garden? It doesn’t make logical sense. Out there might mean pain, or death.

But pain is only temporary, and death is not the end. The Archangel Raphael above them on The Lovers card is blessing them - all will be well. After all, “Raphael” means "God heals”. To leave the Garden requires an inner harmony, a commitment, but it is a necessary step in one’s conscious evolution. This is why the Waite-Smith Lovers card depicts Eve and Adam. I’m honestly embarrassed that I’ve only recently realised this. Tell me if I’m the last one to know…

Continuing on from my previous post, let’s again interview the tarot with the tarot. This time - The Magician/Magus. Sometimes I struggle with this card beyond the “A-ha” moment and message of personal manifestation we typically associate with the Magus. What is he doing? What does he represent? What do I really need to know about this card to give effective readings?

So let’s ask the cards. The Rock Art Tarot has been jumping out at me recently. This has its own card titles. Taking out the Magician, in this deck titled “Illusion”, I asked: “What is another way to understand the Magician?”. I pulled the Four of Emotions (Cups).

The four of Cups seems like a strange alternate message of the Magician. This card has been described as signifying disenchantment, disillusion, feeling like one couldn’t be accepted or can’t trust love that is being offered. There can be a risk of boredom, staleness, and loss of motivation. Someone has lost their mojo.

Christine Payne-Towler, in the Tarot of the Holy Light, tells us: “Thus we read the appearance of this card as saying it’s time to rediscover your will and power of agency.” I feel a crucial aspect of the human experience is that we forget we are spiritual beings, and our task is to remember.

Charting the four of cups on the Tree of Life puts us in Chesed. This is where we first encounter matter, below the Abyss, where Spirit begins to concern itself with manifestation and ruling the world of form. With a Cups card, the water, previously formless, takes form thanks to the capacity of the cups. But it cannot remain there, as still water can become stagnant if it doesn’t provide refreshment and if not refreshed itself by Source.

Chesed is also referred to as Mercy and Compassion. In the Waite-Smith tarot, this is the cup offered freely by the phantom hand that the sitting figure seems unable to trust and receive. G.O. Mebes explains that this compassion is what drives the transmission of Light from the supernal triangle, the spiritualizing of matter. These are offerings from Spirit to the world.

The four of Cups reminds us of the Divine Flow, from ‘Heaven’ to Earth. We have an obligation to facilitate this Flow; the disillusionment expressed in the cups card comes about when we forget there is a link between the astral and the material planes. Forgetting who we are is not a failure, but an opportunity to remember.

The Magician condenses the astral into the material, and spiritualises the material into the astral with pure energy. However, we can’t expect to be a perpetual channel or a manifestation machine. Our lives move in ever increasing and ever decreasing cycles, so sometimes we forget that we volunteered to enter into a material state. With awareness, we can take the low periods as an opportunity to remember our divine status. This remembering is dynamic; we generate the energy which enables the flow between the astral and the material.

Eventually, that card becomes almost a totem; something I identify with deeply.

So when I realised I had become irritated with the Thoth tarot’s Empress, a new opportunity presented itself. She’s so pale, sitting under the water, she’s barely even there? What’s she even doing? Why isn’t she bold, like the rest of the deck? Can we just get rid of her?

I asked what card would help me see the Empress in another light, fully expecting another a Cups card, maybe another Trump, something soft, feminine and saccharine. But out came the Ace of Swords.

The Ace of Swords represents universal truth and justice, and therefore law. At the base of the sword is engraved θέλημα, Thelema, meaning Will.

‘Thelema has both an objective meaning (“what one wishes to happen” or what is willed) and a subjective connotation (“the act of willing or desiring”). The word conveys the idea of desire, even a heart’s desire, for the word primarily expresses emotion instead of volition. Thus God’s will is not so much God’s intention, as it is His heart’s desire.’

The Empress is the card of love, that all love is holy. Her path on the Tree of Life sits above the abyss.

Phyllis Seckler writes that the Empress unites the “Word, the Will and Wisdom of Chokmah with the Understanding of the Great Mother, Binah, often referred to as the great sea or mother of all life”. Physically, we emerged from the sea, in our evolution, and psychically we emerge from the sea of the unconscious, as individuals.

The Arthurian legend, a collection of medieval stories that incorporate magic, myth and a search for the Holy Grail tells us of King Arthur being given Excalibur (the other archetypal treasure) by the Lady in the Lake, a goddess and enchantress. Psychologically, the Holy Grail represents our inner spiritual destiny but our Excalibur, or Ace of Swords, represents the power we wield in the outer world.

The Empress is the Lady in the Lake of the unconscious, passing to us each, on a path to kingship, our power of Will through Love.

Love is the Law, Love under Will.

Honestly, what business did I have underestimating the Thoth?

I’ve found in the past that when I share my own readings that others might take something from the message for themselves, or at the very least they can use the same spread.

This is my reading using the Artist’s Spread by Tarot for Creatives. I don’t think Mariëlle is on this platform, but give her a follow on Insta.

I find Instagram to be an excellent source of spread ideas, with even some accounts dedicated to aggregating posts purely on new spreads.

The questions:

Today I’m using the Hermetic Tarot, by Godfrey Dawson. The cards pulled:

1. What inspires me? - The Hermit

   The pursuit of truth. Shining a light in the darkness, to uncover what is hidden. The hermit takes it to another level, as the shaman that returns to the community to share their knowledge for the betterment of others too.

2. What feeds my soul? - Queen of Wands

   Living life on my own terms. All the lights and the colours and the beauty of the world, feeling connected to these things. Being able to express myself from the heart. Being bold when I want to.

3. What did I come here to create? - Seven of Cups

   This is the first card of the reading that really got me thinking. I chose to take part in this elaborate illusion of life; to realise life is a dream but there is a central truth and purpose behind it all. Playing with the illusion to seek out the core truth. If handled lightly and not taken too seriously, we can enjoy this fantasy. “All art is a lie that makes us realise truth” (Picasso).

4. What is my biggest creative strength? - The Emperor

   I heard “world building” when I pulled this card. But it makes me think of my midheaven in Aries, my public face. Being a trailblazer, setting the pace. Being courageous, or being seen to be courageous. I am very clearly not using this strength XD.

5. How can I best amplify this? - Eight of Cups

   Don’t linger. When something is finished - move on! Don’t rest on laurels, don’t believe you possess the past. Keep moving to new and uncharted territory when it feels right.

6. What is my biggest creative weakness? - Princess of Wands

   In the face of the QoW and Emperor, I don’t feel like these archetypes. I feel like an inexperienced hatchling. An underdog. Maybe others don’t see this and get confused why I’m not out there more often. I don’t feel as though I have any authority, although I have my own way of presenting myself in the world.

7. How can I best overcome this? - Five of Pentacles

   Defiance. Persist in spite of difficulty. Use those circumstances to get creative, rather than feeling they hold you back. For example, “peasant” food is delicious, and nourishing; historically, we work with what we have and we innovate rather than accept our lot. It’s important to defy expectations, including my own.

8. What must I remember about my creative self? - The Moon

   One - I don’t know the true extent of it yet. Two - it fluctuates naturally; I can’t expect to be creative all of the time. Down time is acceptable and even necessary. Three - it is intuition based; all creativity is. Four - it might be most prominent when I don’t have an idea of where I am or where I am going. It might emerge in those times of low light. If I am inspired by seeking truth and shining a light in dark places, I must then inhabit dark places, and get comfortable.

9. What must I remember about my creative practice? - Six of Swords

   I can always return to the refuge of creative practices. “Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,…I have made this place around you. If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.” (from Lost, by David Wagoner)

   Kabbalistically, the Sixes sit in Tiphareth, which is a state of spiritual awareness, called Cosmic or Illuminating Consciousness. Creative practice is that light that shines and illuminates what is hidden.

There are really interesting messages here, about choosing to walk in shadows to bring forth light; innovating from a lack of self-confidence to blaze a trail; working with illusion to realise truth.

This reading will have me pondering for a while, how very Hermit-like, and inspiring.

So on Friday I shuffled the deck and looked for the 10 of Wands, the card before it is what I need to drop and the card in front is what I would see as a result; what would dropping this pressure reveal to me?

On the left is the Tower, which I’m going to summarise here as “existential crises”. Totally unnecessary and not even new to me. Did I learn nothing? From my mid-teens to early 20s I beat myself up every. single. day. because I hadn’t “figured it all out”. I believed those who spoke as if you should have your future all mapped out a near decade before your pre-frontal cortex (the rational bit) has fully matured.

It was during my Saturn Return (about 15 years ago??) that I decided to stop beating myself up about what I’m SuPpoSEd tO bEEE and just enjoy life and do the shit I want to do. Magically, I felt happier than I had ever been and life started to fall into place. But after a while, I forgot. “Everything’s working out now, so I’ll be able to finally figure out who I am soon!” Oh, you sweet summer child.

That was all fine until after I left uni, and I went through my Saturn square, Pluto square and Neptune square all around the same time. To call that period rough would be an understatement. I still believed in the false foundation of my youth; that you figure out what you’re meant to be, then work towards achieving that.

During this time I found a strange little spiritual book in a charity shop (the best place to find them) and when it read “life is a dream”, something clicked, and I burst into tears. I realised I’d been so hard on myself in this life, and what for? I had to release myself from the malformed structure I had created, and so began the early days of OCCULT PROJECTS. By returning to the subjects that enthralled me as a young child I could find hope and renewal, and faith in the universe again.

But…I’d started pressuring myself again, to the point of paralysis. A form of self-harm. The 3 of Swords is that realisation. Stop boiling in that pot you silly frog - get out!

“How do you know that you are on your path – because it disappears. That’s how you know. How do you know that you are really doing something radical? Because you can’t see where you are going. That’s how you know. And everything you have lent on for your identity has gone. And so you are going to enter the black contemplative splendours of self-doubt, at the same time as you are setting out on this radical new path.” David Whyte

It’s scary to confront this in real-time, and it can be easy to cling to established customs and fall back into old, false belief systems about the Way Life’s Supposed To Be. But then you find yourself in a place where 1 + 1 =/= 2, and suddenly you’re falling screaming out of the Tower again.

The 3 of Swords can be about heartbreak, but as a Swords card the key is the realisation of heartbreak. You can’t begin to heal until you know what’s hurting you. What have you been tolerating? How have you not been loving yourself?

I’m Helen Diamond, and that’s all I have to be! Just a peaceful weirdo.

So let’s get back to enjoying life exactly as it is. Time to refresh.

For a few months I’d been humming and hawing about the name. I’ll try to be brief about where OCCULT PROJECTS came from and why I’m reclaiming it.

During a lecture from Morbid Anatomy I learned about a book called “I Could Tell You But Then You Would Have To Be Destroyed By Me” by Trevor Paglen, revealing secret military patches. As soon as I laid eyes on the “Special Projects” patch I thought “yessss, this is right up my street!” But the title was a bit too generic, so Nathan suggested OCCULT PROJECTS (and he’s a fan of Japanese brands that have their name in all caps). When the project shifted to focus on Tarot I felt maybe it gave a false impression, but when I tried to incorporate Tarot into the name I felt boxed in.

Last night I felt drawn to pull a card from my Hermetic Tarot deck by Godfrey Dawson, lo and behold the Magician comes out. There’s just too many similarities to that patch to be a coincidence!

So here I am, OCCULT PROJECTS once again.

Lost

‘Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.’

David Wagoner

I plan to post my musings on the weekly lessons here. Let’s jump straight in to week 1, the start of ARCANUM 1.

The lesson begins by describing the foremost principles in life:

1. your consciousness of this life

2. the degree of the power of realisation which is at your disposal in this present incarnation.

There is a description of the terms ARCANUM, MYSTERIUM and SECRETUM. The focus is on Arcanum, which is described as a mystery. This is the knowledge each of us must seek as part of our cognition. To access arcanum, one must be curious about knowledge. This includes scientific knowledge, not just occult.

Arcanum is expressed through language. Language can be words or symbols. When considering symbols we look at colour, geometry and numbers. In this way, Tarot is an alphabet. An alphabet of initiation. Each of the 22 Major Arcana is linked to a letter in the Hebrew alphabet. Each letter should be studied in order, with consideration for NUMBER, MEASURE and WEIGHT.

As Tarot is an important tool for occult study one must consider the alphabet of this language. Studying the 22 hebrew letters allows us to do this.

As I understand it, a mathematical "arcanum" could be something like Pythagoras' Theorem, for example. A lifelong study of Tarot requires an unwavering curiosity about life, experience and consciousness.

This would certainly be a prerequisite for this two-year course!

Consciousness is the one thing we can be certain of - it's how we know we exist. What we encounter with the five senses we cannot rely on as 'truth', as our minds can be tricked, and what we consider real are essentially vibrations.

One of the Hermetic principles is that the Universe is mental (as a Scot," mental" has a double meaning, so this always tickles me! I like to think it's true in both meanings).

Tarot runs the gamut of human consciousness; therefore, when we hold a Tarot deck, our hands contain the universe.

This first lesson sets the stage. When we know that our consciousness and power of realisation are key in life we naturally undergo initiation; there is a need to understand our lives and place here in this incarnation.

Once again, this deck was not intended for divination, but for meditation. How that is intended to work I am not sure. The cards are quite large, rightfully so, as the original paintings are large canvas. This work was not intended to fit in your pocket! What that means for someone with not-large hands is that I am not really able to shuffle them. Should a specific card be selected, like a significator? Should the cards be laid out on a large surface and shuffled flat? This is something to be explored.

To reiterate from the first post: Some card meditations are short and some are longer. What was written about each is simply what came forth at the time of the meditation. While there is a specific order, the one that the cards arrived in, I have taken each card in the more commonly known order, then speak of this deck's ‘correct’ order at the end.

The ‘not-a-blog’ will take several pages to cover this deck; beginning with the trump cards individually, then examining the Aces, the pip cards need to be compared and contrasted on a suit basis and the court cards grouped by suit. 

This entry covers Strength to Temperance.

STRENGTH

I immediately see similarities between this card and The Magician. The grey is diminished and the purple increases here. The golden ‘nerve’ is more like a limb, or a river or tree branch. The background is red - signifying heart or lifeblood. Is there a struggle between the mind and higher Will? During moments of intense trials we do not think, we act. Sometimes superhuman strength comes through us - like when a mother fights off a lion or lifts a car to protect her child. Something takes over and we act. Later we marvel - ‘I didn’t know I had it in me!’ Summoning Strength calls us to forget what we think we know about ourselves. Perhaps the golden river is from source. The reducing valve diminishes and we channel necessary power.

THE HERMIT

The Hermit is part of the world but also separate from it. The two greens are separated by the blue/grey, showing the distance. The slightly different shades of green show that the Hermit is similar to others, but different. I often think of the Hermit as like Doctor Who; a classic outsider who understands that his outsider status is of great importance to the function of the world. It is important for outsiders to be outside, and then they are needed to come back. Perhaps to act as a mirror, or use their unique perspective or mindset to solve problems that the gen pop could not.

THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE

In the colour wheel, blue and yellow are opposites. We truly enjoy the good things in life when we have a taste of the not-so-great. The yellow looks like spokes, surrounding the dark blue churning inside. While most tarot interpretations of this card show the wheel and surrounding animals, its almost as if this card is pulling your attention beyond the wheel. What lies behind it? Tarot contains a lot of christian symbolism, and the wheel is based on Ezekiel’s Wheel, where Ezekiel reported a visitation from God in the form a chariot, pulled by 4 cherubic creatures, each with a spinning wheel. It’s as though the typical interpretations focus too much on the wheel, talking about the cycles of life and luck, and forget the origin, which is that of a greater force. There is a power at the centre of this card, which shows conscious movement. I feel this card serves to remind us to look at the greater forces behind things such as cycles and luck.

JUSTICE

Pulling this out to examine now, I feel that when I first went through this deck I didn’t truly notice it. It has beautiful, vibrant greens and blues. These are the two most abundant colours on earth. Blue for the sky and sea, and green for the life that sustains us. I heard “As within, so without” when I meditated on the inner and outer green colours. They are very similar, not exact but closer in depth than compared with the Hermit. At the bottom of the card reads “The Daughter of the Lords of Truth: The Ruler of the Balance” but where is the balance showing on this card? The smaller form seems to feed the larger one, evoking perhaps an element of the butterfly effect. Is it referring to the macro and micro environment? The personal and the political? Blue is considered an elemental colour, representing air (sky) and considered not reducible. Both blue and green are often associated with harmony. Green is associated with Venus in the Golden Dawn tradition. Venus is a ruler of Libra, the scales. As a libra stellium, I seek beauty in balance and harmony, see both sides of an argument, and merit in most choices. Harmony and balance are needed for expansion (Jupiter, connected with the colour blue), it is through cooperation that we progress.

THE HANGED MAN

Now the harmonious blue and green from Justice are being squeezed and pulled in different directions. Brown forms pressure, push and pull the inner colours. This is not a bully, the hanged man seeks to contain the inner ocean, although some is spilling out on the right to ‘grip’ a white form. Traditional depictions of the hanged man see him not trying to move, but there does seem to be a direction to this one. He is looking to where his hand reaches, and forsaking the dark purple forms that surround him. There is always a purpose to the hanged man’s self-flagellation. He seeks a new perspective, he sacrifices himself to attain a higher purpose, or as a willing participant in an important ritual. This card for me seems to recognise that inner ocean and that seeking. This is not a passive card, but one of inner transformation, almost a precursor to Judgement.

DEATH

The dark brown colours evoke the earth beneath; being buried underground after death. There looks like a small grim reaper’s scythe near the lower middle of the card. The lighter brown and the blue evoke a flower, or a dance. The blue could signify water, present in the earth and a dead body, showing the potential for new life. Death and decay feeds new life; it is necessary for the old to die for new life and renewal. This death card is expressing the natural aspect of death; the colours are not harsh, they feel like a night time period, resting briefly before the new dawn.

TEMPERANCE

This card had me stumped for quite some time. In fact I had to leave the deck for a while before I could come back to it. It must be compared with Death and the Devil, as those cards have a similar scheme and feel, yet this one feels so primary and youthful. Temperance is about balance, blending of opposites, and of course we see yellow and blue (opposite colours) next to a green. Yet the card is not one where it is clearly yellow + blue = green. Each colour is distinct in its own right. The identities are not lost or merged. Instead of 1 + 1 = 2, we have 1 + 1 = 3.

This concludes the posts I had blogged up on my old website! Now I must commit to continuing the series :)

Feel free to share your comments, what do you see in the cards?

I felt what I can only describe as soul shock, and that sense that something has been unlocked and the world has suddenly become larger and more things are possible. Miró has remained my favourite painter (we took a trip to the Fundació Joan Miró in Barcelona last year, which was an electrifying experience, a lot of merch was bought!).

So when I came across Ithell Colquhoun’s Taro As Colour, through Fulgur Press, I was once again transfixed. Tarot can be surreal too! My love of Tarot predates even my love of Surrealism, so to combine the two is a dream, and I had to have the deck. 

This is very different from any other tarot deck I had ever seen, even the Hilma af Klint Tarot. Because of this, I feel this is not a deck that beginners would find easy to understand. Own it and love it, yes, but understanding it is another thing entirely.

I decided to meditate on each card in turn, and in the Not-A-Blog I will share these thoughts.

My interpretations are undoubtedly influenced by the card meanings as I understand them, but I also look to the use of colour and shapes to deepen my understanding. This can mean that new elements of each card may come through. I believe this is what should happen with each design of Tarot. The artists must bring through something of their unique interpretation, and the reader may pick up on this or see an unintended effect. With this in mind, it is important to state that I have limited knowledge of Ithell Colquhoun, and do not know what she intended for each card. This is only my take on the images, and another reader may see something very different.

I am also in the still early stages of serious occult study, hence our name OCCULT PROJECTS (there is no real agenda or planned end result, instead this is about the glory of occult exploration). The colour system of the Golden Dawn is something I have yet to fully study, but I know Ithell Colquhoun used this. I think it would be interesting to give my layman’s interpretation and then revisit this much later and compare.

Some card meditations are short and some are longer. What was written about each is simply what came forth at the time of the meditation. While there is a specific order, the one that the cards arrived in, I will take each card in the more commonly known order, then speak of this deck's ‘correct’ order at the end. The ‘not-a-blog’ will take several pages to cover this deck; beginning with the trump cards individually, then examining the Aces, the pip cards need to be compared and contrasted on a suit basis and the court cards grouped by suit. 

This will first split the Trumps into three (21/3 + 1), so this post will go up to The Chariot.

So let’s begin, as ever, with the Fool:

THE FOOL

There is a light yellow (air?) nucleus surrounded by a blue (water?) outflow in a firmament of green (earth?) with burnt orange dots (fire). It also looks like a flower, or a tree, with pollen floating around. The words ‘essence’ and ‘wellspring’ come to mind. The green evokes spring time, eternal youth. The birth of a star or galaxy with matter spewing out in all directions to begin the process of creation. The ‘pollen’ or ‘star dust’ shows the essence of new creation spreading onwards and outwards endlessly.

THE MAGICIAN

Immediately the yellow centre looks gold; that this is surrounded by purple only further confirms a psychic/spiritual significance. It looks like a nerve, something in the brain. The purple spreads out but not far. The grey looks like grey matter - the brain. Some have talked about the brain as not a store of information but a reducing valve to the collective consciousness. Also, magick and manifestation are achieved through focusing one’s mind. This is in contrast to The Devil, which speaks of the mind’s power to enslave or free us; here the mind turns thoughts into reality. Thought creates matter. The outer blue evokes The World card.

THE HIGH PRIESTESS

The rectangular structure is like a temple; it represents the High Priestess and the temple she sits in. The blue in the centre is like a heart that contains the ocean. Often this card counsels patience and that the HP sits with her thoughts/intuition, this skips over what that actually entails. To want to act but to have to wait may feel like containing an ocean of feelings within you. There is nothing constraining the heart but itself. The green streaks feel like psychic emissions transmitting signs, symbols and dreams out to the world. The green harks to nature and creation; artists sometimes speak of feeling like they were channelling something during their great works “It came through me.” The grey field seems to express an ambivalence; it is not day or night, not black or white but both. It may be also what a black void would look like with a thin white veil in front of it. It makes me think of concrete, used for constructions that cut us off consciously from the outside world.

THE EMPRESS

I see two things in this card. One is sperm racing to an egg. The other is the Fertile Crescent. The green evokes nature in its passive form and the red evokes the fieriness of creation. The red is the vessel (uterus) and the green is the sperm and egg. The Fertile Crescent is the cradle of human civilisation, Mesopotamia, Babylon, by the River Euphrates. This was such a fertile, creative time and hugely influential on the modern world. There is a mixture of passive (natural), inevitable creation and the energy/fire needed to spark it in the moment.

THE EMPEROR

I see dark Earth energy; magma, lava, dark fire. The middle looks like a solar flare, strong emissions of energy. Fire is necessary for life and comfort. It also can be violent and dangerous. Fire is power. It links to the myth of Prometheus, giving humans the secret of fire, bringing us closer to the gods. Fire cooks, is used in kilns, keeps us warm, but can also effect complete destruction. Therefore, it commands respect; it cannot be ignored or dismissed. The Emperor is like controlled fire, knowledge of which brings him closer to god status, is essential for the wellbeing of his subjects but should be treated with respect, or suffer the consequences.

THE HIEROPHANT

The fire that burst through the Emperor is now contained, through skill and dedication. The fire (power, creativity) is now controlled and cooled by water (empathy, philosophy) creating rock-like structures. This tempering of fury then enables the natural order of things - the right ingredients for life/community. The brown makes me think of the garments worn by capuchin monks. This links the earth and the divine. If knowledge of fire brings us closer to gods, then control and examination of that fire could enable us to study the higher mysteries.

THE LOVERS

This one was tricky, I had to think over a few days. It looks like a heart, a comet entering the atmosphere, the moment two entities become one (seen by the two tails). There is a release of energy in the background, the different colours expressing a rippling effect.

THE CHARIOT

This also looks like elemental fire, but like oil/gasoline and an explosion/combustion that is funnelled in a particular direction. There is a drag on the edges of the forms as the force steams ahead in a new direction, almost off the card. It is the vehicle, combustion, source and direction all in one.

And so this is the first post on Ithell Colquhoun's Taro as Colour! As I study the Golden Dawn system further I am sure I will be able to expand on some of these cards. 

Images posted with kind permission from Fulgur Press. If you also love this deck, you can purchase directly from them. They also publish many fascinating occult books and magazine.

For a writing prompt, I asked the cards last night: what should I talk about?

I pulled the Knight of Wands, King of Swords and Nine of Swords. An impartial adjudicator sits between a journey into the unknown and the fears that hold us back. In other words: talk about what Tarot is for.

Does Tarot help to empower us?

The word ‘empower’ is commonly misused, in my opinion. It means to give someone the tools they need to take control of their lives. Often what we really mean is embolden. Embolden means to give someone courage, to motivate and inspire them. Tarotists are not there to provide resources, or medical or legal advice. We have words and images, allegories and life experiences. We have our intuition, which can unearth words or phrases that trigger something in our clients, to foster a connection to the cards and fast-track understanding, perhaps even an epiphany. We remind people things about themselves they may have forgotten, or are fighting imposter syndrome to believe. The tools our querents need to take control of their lives are already within them.

Does Tarot tell us what to do?

The Tarot is a tool for self-reflection or meditation. Using divine synchronicities between the microcosm and macrocosm, we are able to read the energies at a moment in time. The cards can give a snapshot of the path ahead, and also of alternative trajectories (actually, we can look back and ask ‘what if I had’ questions of the cards as well, but this is seldom talked about). Whichever you choose is always down to you; even not choosing is a choice. The cards give guidance; more often than not they affirm what the querent knows in their heart.

Who I am.

I’m Helen (MegaHelen) from OCCULT PROJECTS. Tarot is the gateway drug to the occult, and OCCULT PROJECTS is my exploration of the Western Esoteric Tradition. I am a professional Tarot card reader, neurodivergent, and a perennial student of what is ‘hidden’.

I’ve had Tarot cards since I was 13, almost 30 years. A few years ago I asked a psychic on advice about a masters course I planned to take. She told me that my true career lay in an interest from my childhood. It took a while to realise this was it, but now there’s nothing else I’d rather do.