Getting Close

Gay Shame Researcher - on the Male Gaze, Sex with Your Friends, and how Compulsive Dating is Actually a Shame Response

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 16 Jun 2026 10:31:04 GMT

If you find yourself stuck in endless cycles of bad dating, unfulfilling friendships, and bad sex, this episode will help you get untangled.

In this episode, you and I sit down with Jordan Gonsalves to talk about the hidden impact of shame on all of our lives. We dive deep into Jordan’s journey with shame, how shame shows up in relationships and dating, self-worth and aging, practical tools to combat shame, and Jordan’s new podcast Unshaming.

Jordan Gonsalves is a journalist who reports on shame and the host of a new podcast called Unshaming, coming out June 17th. He’s interviewed over a hundred people on how shame has kept them from finding love, from being happy with their body, from being happy with their lives, and how they’ve overcome it. His goal is to teach you that the shame we carry isn’t ours to begin with.

We Get Curious About

How the opposite of shame is actually belonging
How compulsive dating is a shame avoidance strategy
Why you need to grieve the past chapters of your life
How to combat any compulsive behaivors
How learning your virtues can help you find community.

Links

Unshaming:

Jordan on Substack:

Jordan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/jor_gonsalves/

Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/

Chapters

(00:00) Understanding Shame and Its Impact

(02:51) Jordan’s Journey with Shame

(05:44) The Roots of Shame in Childhood

(09:07) Shame and Validation in the LGBTQ+ Community

(11:56) Compulsive Behaviors and Escaping Shame

(14:50) Dating and the Role of Shame

(18:06) Grief, Vulnerability, and Healing Shame

(20:57) Overcoming Shame: Steps to Acceptance

(27:40) Embracing Self-Worth and Acceptance

(32:59) The Power of Belonging and Community

(40:04) Aging and the Gift of Life

(46:14) Curiosity and Connection in the Modern World

Love & Connection Expert - on Why Gay Dating Feels so Hard, Modern Relationships & Hinge's 2026 LGBTQ DATE Report

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 09 Jun 2026 10:31:28 GMT

If you’re fed up with modern dating, this episode is for you.

In it you and I sit down with Hinge’s Love & Connection Expert Moe Ari Brown to bring you actionable data from Hinge’s 2026 LGBTQ+ D.A.T.E. Report! We talk about what dating looks like in 2026, why dating feels so hard for so many gay men, what the data can tell us to make dating easier, what people are actually looking for in relationships these days, and so much more.

Moe Ari Brown is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over a decade of experience helping people build genuine, lasting relationships. Moe has worked with people across all identities on their journey to love themselves and establish meaningful connections. He also serve as a Diversity & Equity Consultant. Moe graduated from Northwestern University with an MS in Marriage and Family Therapy. His insights have been featured in publications including The Wall Street Journal, Essence, Out, and Cosmopolitan.

We Get Curious About

The biggest trends in LGBTQ dating in 2026
Why daters are looking for clarity above all else in dating
What it means to date by showing, not telling
The surprising ways uncertainty about the world is affecting all of our relationships
Why reliability is the #1 thing gay men look for in dating and how to ask for it
The ideal amount of time you should spend on the apps before you ask to meet up IRL
What your digital body language says about you to prospective dates
What long term and open relationships can glean from this data, too

Links

Hinge’s 2026 LGBTQ+ Date Report: https://hinge.co/newsroom/2026-LGBTQIA-Report

Moe on IG: https://www.instagram.com/loveoutproud/

Moe on Substack:

Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/

The Sexual Health Alliance:

https://sexualhealthalliance.com/

Chapters

(00:00) Navigating Relationship Strain in Uncertain Times

(02:50) Understanding the Role of Clarity in Relationships

(05:49) The Impact of Emotional Safety on Connections

(09:02) Insights from Hinge’s LGBTQ+ Dating Report

(11:52) The Shift Towards ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ Dating

(15:03) Embracing Vulnerability in Dating

(18:11) Whimsy and Fun in Modern Dating

(20:54) Building Connections Beyond the First Date

(24:12) The Importance of Consistency in Relationships

(28:19) Understanding PDA Preferences in LGBTQ+ Relationships

(30:03) Navigating Reliability in Modern Dating

(31:56) Optimizing Dating Profiles for Success

(34:06) Rekindling Laughter in Long-Term Relationships

(36:25) The Importance of Clarity in Relationships

(39:41) Emotional Safety and Relationship Dynamics

(41:50) Communication in Open Relationships

(44:31) The Role of Early Relationships in Shaping Love

(46:17) Seeking Emotional Safety in Uncertain Times

(53:22) Building Community and Connection

Steven Rowley - on Gay Aging, Reinvention, and Aliens!

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 02 Jun 2026 10:31:34 GMT

If you’ve ever felt behind in life, like you aren’t quite measuring up to your peers, or perhaps you have no clue what you’re doing. If that’s the case, this is the episode for you.

In this episode, Steven Rowley and I sit down to discuss his incredible career and how he became a bestselling author after he turned 45. We unpack what it felt like to take that leap of faith and why it’s never too late to reorient your life and start chasing your dreams. We also get vulnerable about the challenges of long-term relationships, our relationships to aging, and what it really means to be a role model in a post-AIDS world.

Steven Rowley is the New York Times bestselling author of Lily and the Octopus, The Editor, The Guncle, The Celebrants, The Guncle Abroad, The Dogs of Venice, and Take Me With You. Originally from Portland, Maine, he is a graduate of Emerson College and currently resides in Palm Springs with his husband, the writer Byron Lane, and three rescue dogs.

Links

Steven’s Books: https://www.stevenrowley.com/

Steven on IG: https://www.instagram.com/mrstevenrowley/

Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Reinvention and Second Chances
(02:49) The Journey of Coming Out and Embracing Identity
(06:09) The Path to Becoming a Writer
(09:00) Navigating Relationships and Loneliness
(11:54) The Challenges of Long-Term Relationships
(15:08) The Leap of Faith into Writing
(18:00) Aging and Its Perception in Society
(20:51) Exploring Themes of Grief and Relationships in Writing
(28:45) The Role of Humor in Grief and Reinvention
(30:07) Navigating Grief and Creative Validation
(32:19) The Importance of Intergenerational Friendships
(34:11) Crushes and Their Significance in Relationships
(36:03) The Intersection of Personal Life and Creative Work
(37:56) Evolving Perspectives on Marriage and Relationships
(40:14) The Impact of Online Discourse on Relationships
(42:09) The Artist’s Relationship with Their Work
(45:24) Advice for Aspiring Authors
(47:15) Being a Role Model Through Visibility
(49:24) The Power of Storytelling in Building Empathy
(49:54) Community and Connection in the Digital Age

Gay Money Expert — How the Gays Afford Their Trips, Surprising Side Hustles, and Shame Spending

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 26 May 2026 10:30:58 GMT

If you’re constantly worrying about money and wondering how you’re going to make it through the summer without maxing out your cards, this episode’s for you.

In it, I sit down with finance guru Nick Wolny, author of Money Proud, as he teaches you and me his seven words to generate wealth. We also explore how shame makes us spend beyond our means, why Grindr is designed to make you so miserable, the unique ways LGBTQ folks interact with money, why you need to stop shopping on Instagram, and why investing is the key to building wealth.

NICK WOLNY is a finance author and editor. He writes about money, behavior, queer culture, and how they intertwine, usually via his email newsletter Financialicious. Nick is the finance columnist for Out magazine and has provided on-air commentary for CNN, Good Morning America, and others. His first book, Money Proud: The Queer Guide to Generate Wealth, Slay Debt, and Build Good Habits to Secure Your Future, was published with HarperCollins and recommended by The New York Times.

We Get Curious About:

How consumerism was invented to make you feel like sh*t about yourself
How LGBT folks are much more likely to overspend
Why gig work isn’t the long-term side hustle we hope it is
Nick’s number one tip to start turning your money around
How the gays afford all their lavish trips
How Grindr’s bugs are all part of their plan to make you miserable

Links

Money Proud by Nick Wolney: https://nickwolney.com/book

Nick on IG: https://instagram.com/nickwolney

Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/

Wealthfront Investing App - https://www.wealthfront.com

Acorns Investment App - https://www.acorns.com

Weapon-Free Funds - https://www.ethicalinvesting.com/weapon-free

Prison-Free Funds - https://www.ethicalinvesting.com/prison-free

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction and Gratitude

(02:53) Understanding Money Stress in the LGBTQ+ Community

(05:48) The Emotional Side of Spending

(09:06) Thought Patterns and Financial Literacy

(12:09) The Seven Word Plan for Wealth

(14:53) Budgeting and Intentional Spending

(17:43) Consumerism and Identity

(20:59) The Impact of Advertising on Spending Behavior

(26:16) The Economics of Dating Apps

(28:04) Exploring Income Opportunities

(32:25) The Importance of Multiple Income Streams

(33:20) Investing for the Future

(39:41) Navigating Ethical Investing

(41:58) Community and Connection in Finances

Lesbian Bar Historian — on Windows as Protest, Queer Bar Gentrification, and How You Can Save Them

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 19 May 2026 10:15:36 GMT

If a gay bar you love has ever shut down, you must listen to this episode.

In this episode, Rachel Karp and I get into her incredible road trip where she visited every lesbian bar in the country with her wife and best friend. She takes us on a tour of Queer bar history, complete with a legal fight to wear pants, how windows are actually a sign of progress, the difference between blue state bars and red, how bars are changing to keep up with the times, and four ways you can actually help your favorite queer bar today.

RACHEL KARP is a writer and producer who has worked across podcasts, TV, film, theater, and digital media. The co-creator and producer of the award-winning documentary podcast Cruising, she has also supported series for LinkedIn News, Paramount+, A&E, and Oxygen. She holds a bachelor’s degree in theater and English from Skidmore College.

We Get Curious About:

How queer bars sometimes start the gentrification that eventually kills them
Why queer bars in Oklahoma have better communities than the ones in New York
Why queer bars with windows are a signal of radical progress
Who gets to exist in Queer bars?
How her podcast helped open a new Queer bar in Massachusetts
Four unique ways you can save the Queer bars you love!

Links

Pre-Order The Lesbian Bar Chronicles: https://www.beacon.org/The-Lesbian-Bar-Chronicles-P2460.aspx

Cruising Podcast: https://cruisingpod.com

Rachel on IG: https://www.instagram.com/rachel.karp/

Cruising on IG: https://www.instagram.com/cruisingpod

Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Queer Spaces and Their Importance

(03:17) The Journey of Chronicling Lesbian Bars

(07:53) Experiences in Queer Bars Across the Country

(12:27) The Significance of Community in Queer Spaces

(14:48) Historical Impact of Queer Bars

(18:55) Adapting to Modern Times: The Evolution of Queer Bars

(22:55) Inclusivity in Queer Spaces: A Double Standard?

(25:41) Navigating Identity and Community in Queer Bars

(26:39) Exploring Queer Spaces in Red States

(29:05) The Impact of Gentrification on Queer Bars

(32:56) Supporting and Sustaining Queer Spaces

(39:31) The Future of Queer Bars and Community

(46:50) Preserving Queer History and Spaces

Gay Bulge Expert (on Performance Anxiety, Holetox, & Sexting Pitfalls)

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 12 May 2026 10:31:13 GMT

If you’ve ever avoided sex because you were scared of what might happen, this episode is for you.

In this episode, nurse aesthetician and founder of Lushful Aesthetics, Chris Bustamante, and I explore all things dick-related. We get into why performance anxiety happens, what your testosterone is doing in your body, how your porn habits might be affecting sex, and why your sexting habits might need to change.

CHRIS BUSTAMANTE is an aesthetic nurse practitioner and received his doctorate of Nursing Practice from Columbia University. Chris specializes in aesthetic treatments and utilizes both his knowledge of medicine and passion for aesthetics to deliver effective treatments from top to bottom that help his patients feel more confident about their appearance. Chris cares deeply about education and has built a following by sharing informative and engaging content about Lushful Aesthetics procedures, his clinic, which helps educate people on the world of aesthetic procedures and promotes a deeper understanding of the process behind these treatments.

We unpack:

✊Why you’re probably gripping your 🍆 too hard when you’re watching porn.
🌶️Why you might be s*xting ‘too hard’
😫Why bottoming without preparation is making sex painful.
💪🏼Why you can stop worrying about your testosterone levels.
😌What your body is trying to tell you when you get soft.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Vulnerability and Connection

(03:18) Exploring Sexual Shame and Anxiety

(05:14) Understanding Masculinity and Performance

(08:25) The Role of Testosterone in Sexual Health

(11:40) Differentiating Between Performance Anxiety and ED

(13:33) Rewiring Experiences and Overcoming Anxiety

(20:02) The Impact of Porn on Sexual Expectations

(25:58) Navigating Vulnerability in Sexual Encounters

(28:21) Navigating Online Communication and Expectations

(31:09) Understanding Gooning Culture and Its Effects

(34:55) Exploring Performance Anxiety and Alternatives

(38:39) The Role of Holetox in Enhancing Comfort

(41:59) Body Image and Sexual Health Insights

(46:51) The Importance of Connection and Community

3 Lessons To Make You Happier with JP Brammer

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 05 May 2026 11:03:35 GMT

If you’re tired of all the noise and want three simple tips to find a little more happiness, this is the episode for you.

Today, you and I are sitting down with JP Brammer as he reveals three lessons that are making him genuinely happier right now. We learn how to ask for what you need, why you need to wash your thoughts like dishes, why you might feel lonely in a group of gays, the corrosive effects of comfort, and how to really trust what’s best for you.

John Paul Brammer is an award-winning writer and artist from Lawton, Oklahoma, currently based in Brooklyn. His memoir-in-essays, ¡Hola Papi!, was published in 2021, and is based on his popular advice column of the same name. His bylines include The New Yorker, The New York times, The Washington Post, and The Los Angeles Times. He is working on his second and third books.

We explore:

Why hell is the Fire Island house next door
How a 1700s Swedish mystic can grant you a day pass to heaven
How Buzzfeed personality quizzes created a generation of anxiety
Why the Spotify CEO considers silence his biggest competitor and what that means for your brain
The one piece of advice every gay person needs

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Connection and Happiness

(03:07) Navigating Advice and Autonomy

(06:02) The Journey of an Advice Giver

(08:50) Lessons from Vulnerable Communities

(11:59) Embracing Your Authentic Self

(14:55) The Importance of Asking

(18:06) The Role of Spirituality in Connection

(20:57) Communities and Personal Growth

(27:45) The Complexity of Community and Loneliness

(28:42) The Quality of Thoughts and Mental Hygiene

(30:39) Influence of Social Media on Thought Patterns

(33:31) The Value of Silence and Stillness

(36:25) Cruelty and Its Cost on Mental Health

(38:46) Trusting Your Intuition and Recognizing Discomfort

(41:32) The Illusion of Comfort and Its Consequences

(43:31) Navigating Discomfort in Relationships

(45:52) Advice for Future Self and Creative Projects

(52:36) Community Connections and Personal Growth

Subscribe now

Bi Sex Columnist: How Rejection Leads to Sexual Shame

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 11:02:45 GMT

If you’re tired of missing out on opportunities for fear of rejection, this episode is for you.

Today, you and I are sitting down with Zachary Zane to discuss how rejection rules our lives and ends up turning into shame. We get into so much juicy stuff like how rejection lives in the body, the nuances of bisexuality, how to overcome shame and embrace your kinky side, the lessons Zach has learned from the vast amounts of sex he’s had.

Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based sex columnist and author whose work centers on sexuality, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and co-author of Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever. He is also editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT zine, and his writing has been featured in Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, GQ, Playboy, and more.

We unpack:

How to take rejection like a pro and keep moving
How to navigate sexual shame to become a bit more liberated
Why being specific about your kinks on the apps actually gets you rejected less
How to navigate bottom stigma in the gay community
Why you should practice your rejections in the mirror

Chapters

(00:00) Understanding Rejection and Shame

(04:09) Navigating Personal Experiences of Rejection

(10:03) The Impact of Rejection on Relationships

(13:45) The Role of Kindness in Rejection

(20:11) Exploring Bisexuality and Rejection

(26:02) Attraction vs. Behavior in Sexual Identity

(27:25) The Journey of Oversharing

(31:01) Navigating Shame and Vulnerability

(35:30) Building Community and Connection

(39:12) Challenging Stigmas in the Gay Community

(44:25) Exploring Bisexual Representation

(47:26) Curiosity and Connection in Literature

Subscribe now

Gay Political Strategist: How to Talk Politics At Brunch

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 21 Apr 2026 11:04:01 GMT

If you’ve turned off the news and feel guilty about it, this episode’s for you.

In today’s episode, you and I are getting close with Brian Derrick. We discuss the complexities of political engagement, why we’re all politically burnt out, why liberals keep losing, and how to turn politics from a hobby to an actionable lifestyle.

Brian Derrick is a political strategist, activist, and Founder and CEO of Oath – a civic tech platform transforming political giving. He has consulted on campaigns from city council to president – most notably for Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) and Marti Gould Cummings (NYC City Council). Derrick is also a leader in the nonprofit sector.

In this episode, we explore:

Why you need to fight with your friends
When it’s okay to stop injesting the news.
Why your state senate donation matters more than your presidential one
How to tell if you’ve turned politics into a hobby
The real reason liberals keep losing.

Before You Go

Please subscribe, rate, and review the show!
And share it with someone who you think might enjoy it. That’s the best way you can help us grow!

Links!

Follow Brian: https://www.instagram.com/brianderrick_

Check Out Oath: https://app.oath.vote/

Follow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Follow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod

Follow on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@gettingclosepod

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Political Engagement

(02:17) Understanding Political Burnout

(06:03) The Role of Data in Politics

(10:16) Taking Action Beyond Knowledge

(14:10) Navigating News Consumption

(19:54) Long-Term Political Planning

(24:32) Building Coalitions Through Disagreement

(27:23) Navigating Difficult Conversations

(30:21) The Importance of Engaging in Disagreements

(33:42) Deciding to Win: Taking Action in Politics

(37:04) Leveraging Resources for Political Change

(41:21) Finding Hope in Local Elections

(45:36) Cultivating Positivity in Political Discourse

(47:05) The Role of Voting in Civic Duty

(49:24) Curiosity and Connection in Community

(52:40) Empowerment and Enacting Change

Subscribe now

Sexual Liberation Therapist (on Reconnecting with Your Body and Desire)

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 14 Apr 2026 11:01:38 GMT

If you’re feeling overstimulated and disconnected, this episode’s for you. In it, we connect with Keanu Jackson, a sex therapist, to explore the complexities of desire, consent, and online sexuality in our modern world.

Keanu Jackson is a Brooklyn, NY-based Sex Therapist, Content Creator, & Founder of Homebody Psychotherapy, a therapy practice that centers on supporting queer folks in building more nurturing relationships with their bodies. Keanu uses his experiences as a queer, Black man, sex worker, and survivor as a bridge to support others on their healing journeys.

In this episode, we explore:

How to reconnect with your body through curiosity
Why sexual liberation might mean having less sex.
What you consent to by entering gay spaces.
How race impacts sexual dynamics and what we can do about it.
Keanu’s surprising recommendation for safer sex.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Connection and Self-Discovery

(01:52) The Impact of Personal Loss on Relationships

(06:06) Exploring Sexuality and Identity in 2026

(08:50) Understanding Consent in Modern Culture

(12:08) Navigating Boundaries and Personal Safety

(14:59) The Intersection of Digital Presence and Sexuality

(20:59) Racism and Its Impact on Sexual Identity

(26:24) Navigating Sexual Spaces: Race and Entitlement

(30:12) The Importance of Acknowledging Racial Dynamics

(33:54) Unspoken Assumptions in Queer Spaces

(36:46) Building Self-Security and Curiosity

(41:10) Exploring Sexual Compatibility and Connection

(47:29) Curiosity in Black Diasporic Sexual Practices

(50:40) Creating Community and Connection

Before You Go!

Please subscribe, rate, and review the show!
And share it with someone who you think might enjoy it. That’s the best way you can help us grow!

Follow Along!

Follow Keanu: https://www.instagram.com/homebodypsychotherapy

Follow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Follow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod

Follow on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@gettingclosepod

Subscribe now

Poly-Kink Therapist: Have this Conversation & Forever Change How You Communicate

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 07 Apr 2026 10:03:05 GMT

Today’s episode will change how you communicate. How do I know? Because it changed how I did.

In this episode, I sit down with Ruffus, affectionately known on socials as the Poly-Kink Therapist, to discuss communication, sexual agency, and the vital lessons we can learn from the kink community.

If you’ve ever had scripts in your head that tell you what you can and can’t ask for, what is and is not allowed, get ready to finally claim your power and transform the way you communicate with me and Ruffus.

We explore:

How to reclaim your agency through better communication
How to create a container conversation and why it will change your relationships forever.
The three things you must ask about when opening your relationship.
How the pup community can teach us to be more accepting.
How to navigate differences in sex or libido.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Vulnerability and Connection

(02:24) Navigating Difficult Conversations

(06:50) Understanding Kink and Agency

(10:38) Finding Community and Safety

(14:55) Unlearning Expectations in Relationships

(19:12) Creating a Safe Container for Conversations

(27:19) Navigating Communication in Relationships

(29:44) Exploring Kink and Freedom

(31:39) The Journey of Self-Discovery in Kink

(36:23) Understanding Consent and Expectations

(40:48) Navigating Sexual Incompatibilities

(44:32) The Importance of Communication in Non-Monogamy

(49:59) Common Kink Misunderstandings and Mistakes

(52:48) Community and Acceptance in Kink Spaces

Follow Along

Follow Ruffus: https://www.instagram.com/thepolykink.therapist

Follow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Follow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod

Follow on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@gettingclosepod

Subscribe now

My Husband & Broadway Star: How to Break the Patterns Holding You Back

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 31 Mar 2026 10:03:52 GMT

If you have a little voice in the back of your mind saying, you should really break that habit, this episode is for you. We all have coping mechanisms that help us get through the day, but when do we know if those coping mechanisms have turned into unhealthy patterns, and if so, how can we break them?

In this episode, my husband Casey (and y’all’s most requested return guest) sits back down with me for a deeply intimate and vulnerable conversation about his last year breaking patterns of addiction.

We unpack:

How to let go of the patterns that no longer serve you
The differences between habits, coping mechanisms, and unhealthy patterns
Why your journey with substances doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
How to support a partner who is dismantling their relationship with substances
How to find joy in sobriety through new rituals and experiences.
The most surprising things we’ve both learned as we stopped drinking.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction to Connection and Coping Mechanisms

(02:54) Celebrating Six Months Alcohol-Free

(05:40) Understanding Patterns vs. Habits

(10:04) Exploring Early Coping Mechanisms

(16:44) The Impact of Substances on Life

(21:54) Navigating Social Drinking and Isolation

(26:38) Navigating Loneliness and Community Needs

(28:05) The Journey to Sobriety: A Personal Reflection

(31:51) Breaking Patterns: The Role of Substances in Coping

(36:01) Emotional Breakthroughs: The Impact of Isolation

(39:46) Supporting Partners Through Change

(43:02) Surprising Positives: Finding Joy in Sobriety

(45:58) Messages of Hope: Embracing Change and Growth

(50:17) Curiosity and Connection: Engaging with Community

Follow Along!

Follow Casey: https://bit.ly/3NY8jya

Follow Aidan: https://bit.ly/4sRSpoX

Follow Getting Close: https://bit.ly/4jW9Ro8

Subscribe now

Send us a comment or question at: hellogettingclose@gmail.com!

Gay Ass Podcast Host: The Gay Ass Art of A Good Question

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 24 Mar 2026 10:02:57 GMT

If you’ve ever sat in an awkward silence, wondering what to ask next, or left a conversation wishing you’d known how to go deeper, this episode will change how you talk to people.

In this episode, Eric Williams joins us to explore what separates a good question from a bad one, why our digital world is making us worse at curiosity, and how the way you ask questions shapes everything from your first date to your longest relationship.

Eric Williams is the host of That’s A Gay Ass Podcast and has interviewed icons like Dan Savage, Lisa Rinna, and Kathy Griffin. He’s also a solo performer in the middle of touring his solo show, Why All The Drama? He also just happens to be one of the most gifted conversationalists I know.

We unpack:

🟡 What actually makes a good question and why it matters

🟡 Why you think you’re asking enough questions, but you aren’t.

🟡 The surprising link between asking good questions and being good in bed.

🟡 What questions actually sustain a long term relationship.

🟡 The one question everyone in an open relationship needs to ask.

If you’ve ever sat in that awkward silence wondering what to say next, this one’s for you.

Follow Along

Follow Eric on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ericwillz

Follow Eric on Substack:

Follow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Follow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod

Trans Thought Leader: The Complex Politics of Being a Man

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 10:02:08 GMT

What can gay men learn from trans men?

In this episode of Getting Close, I sit down with my friend Sandy for a very vulnerable conversation about how trans men and cis men exist within the gay community. We dive into masculinity, privilege, and what compassionate inclusion can look like in our spaces.

Sandy Gooen is a published and produced writer. He’s currently developing a musical called Twink Piece. He also runs TEMPO (@theetempo), which is an organization for Trans music professionals. His professional and academic background is mostly music and theater, but in his free time, he focuses a lot on gender and LGBT topics. At the root of Sandy’s work is the desire to cultivate belonging and understanding!

We get into

Which conversations about transness are oversaturated
Which conversations about transness still need to happen
What gay men don’t know about the trans experience
The different ways that masculinity affects us all
And why gay men only talk to people they’re attracted to, and how to start to change that.

Follow Along!

Follow Sandy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/silentwhat

Follow Sandy on Substack:

Follow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

Follow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction

(05:20) Growing Up Masculine

(10:40) The Early Signs of Difference

(16:00) Exploring Gender

(21:50) The Carving Out A Space in NYC

(27:10) Navigating Gay Spaces as a Trans Man

(32:40) The Unspoken Social Rules Inside Queer Spaces

(38:00) Why We’re Afraid to Talk About Trans Experiences

(43:30) Who Gets to Define Masculinity

(49:30) What Connection Between Men Can Look Like

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Gay Intimacy Researcher: The Hidden Rules of Hookup Culture

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 10 Mar 2026 10:02:52 GMT

How has the internet changed gay s*x, consent, and intimacy?

In this episode, Andrew Restieri joins me to discuss the complexities of digital intimacy within gay culture. We discuss how everyone has differing rules about consent, the economy of nude photos, who owns a nude once it’s sent, the rise of hookup apps, and how they affect our in-person experiences.

Andrew Restieri is a PhD candidate at Cornell whose research broadly centers on the use of digital technology to facilitate online communities, especially for queer people. His dissertation examines the online sexual practices of gay men and how those practices challenge conventional understandings of intimacy and consent. He also holds a master’s from Johns Hopkins University and a BA from Northwestern.

We unpack:

🟡 The “economy of nudes” that exists in gay culture.

🟡 Why consent online is almost impossible to define.

🟡 The uncomfortable question: who owns a nude once it’s sent?

🟡 Why digital intimacy and real-life intimacy may now be the same thing.

🟡 The surprising reason some men send unsolicited nudes.

🟡 The real question behind every app interaction: what do we owe each other?

If you’ve ever taken a nude, this episode’s for you.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction

(02:40) Connection Questions and Personal Insights

(04:40) Research Focus: Gay Men’s Digital Practices

(07:52) Understanding Consent and Privacy in Digital Spaces

(10:08) The Economy of Nudes: Value and Exchange

(12:56) Digital vs. In-Person Intimacy: A Blurred Line

(15:45) Impact of Hookup Apps on Gay Male Intimacy

(18:36) Consent and Boundaries in Digital Interactions

(21:12) The Politics of Ownership and Consent

(24:32) Navigating Consent in a Diverse Landscape

(26:57) Class Politics and Digital Intimacy

(33:15) Navigating Boundaries in Gay Digital Spaces

(39:24) The Role of Digital Tools in Gay Connections

(44:40) Flirting and Intimacy in the Modern Age

(47:10) Curiosities and Community Connections

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Poly-Queer Therapist: How Your Discomfort is Key to Happier Relationships

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 03 Mar 2026 11:02:38 GMT

What if I told you discomfort was the secret to better relationships?

In this episode, Rachel Wright joins me to talk about the fascinating way that discomfort can help you have better relationships of any structure. We explore the nuances of modern friendship, letting people down, secret patterns running our relationships, monogamy unlearnings, and the unique way gay couples are more likely to be open vs. poly.

Rachel Wright is a distinguished psychotherapist and renowned speaker with expertise in modern relationships, mental health, and sex. With a Master’s Degree in clinical psychology, Rachel has worked with thousands of clients worldwide and has been featured in The New York Times, Women’s Health, Cosmo and more. Rachel currently lives in New York City with her wife and two kids.

We unpack:

How to let people down healthily
What gay couples need to do to practice openness better
How ingrained patterns shape the way we love
How non-monogamy can show up in our youth before we have language for it
Whether or not nonmonogamy is an orientation or a preference
And how expanding our distress tolerance can change the way we approach non-monogamy

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction

(02:28) Exploring Healthy Communication in Relationships

(14:37) The Journey to Becoming a Therapist

(17:53) Reflections on Non-Monogamy and Youth Experiences

(22:42) Core Beliefs About Relationships and Non-Monogamy

(25:00) Unlearning Monogamy and Embracing Discomfort

(27:19) Navigating Discomfort in Relationships

(29:42) Understanding Non-Monogamy as an Orientation

(32:27) Timing and Trust in Non-Monogamous Conversations

(34:22) Unpacking Emotional Scripts in Non-Monogamy

(37:45) Language and Representation in Non-Monogamous Relationships

(42:45) Emotional Depth in Gay Relationships

(45:11) Building Distress Tolerance in Non-Monogamy

(48:52) Exploring Non-Monogamous Literature

(51:39) Celebrating Diverse Relationships and Community

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Follow Rachel: https://www.instagram.com/thewright_rachel

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Queer Broadway Author: How Queer Storytelling Can Change You

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 24 Feb 2026 11:01:47 GMT

If you could go back in time to Queer, 1996, New York, would you? In this episode, Andrew Keenan-Bolger joins me to do just that through his debut novel Limelight. We unpack why telling queer stories is urgent in this political climate, the importance of chosen family, banned books, magical realism, and what we owe our Queer ancestors.

Andrew Keenan-Bolger is an actor, director, author, and filmmaker who starred as Jesse Tuck in Tuck Everlasting and Crutchie in the Newsies on Broadway, among many others. Along with his collaborator, Kate Weatherhead, though, he is the co-creator of the critically acclaimed web series Submissions Only and co-author of the children’s series Jack and Louisa. He is also the author of the upcoming novel, Limelight.

We explore:

🟡 What it was like coming of age in post-AIDS New York.

🟡 The difference between discomfort and being unsafe.

🟡 Why writing flawed queer characters is essential.

🟡 What book bans actually cost young people these days.

🟡 And how to find and build chosen family later in life.

Chapters

(00:00 Introduction to Connection and Literature

(02:21) Andrew’s Journey and Background

(07:04) The Inspiration Behind Limelight

(11:21) Exploring Queer History and Identity

(18:34) The Role of Magical Realism in Storytelling

(23:20) The Importance of Community and Connection

(28:06) Navigating Challenges in Queer Literature

(32:12) Writing Flawed Characters and Growth

(37:14) Surprises in the Writing Process

(42:08) Fun and Personal Insights

(45:21) Final Thoughts and Community Engagement

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Follow Andrew: https://instagram.com/keenanblogger

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Gay Relationship Coach: If You're Feeling Stuck with Dating, Listen to This!

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 17 Feb 2026 11:02:30 GMT

Are you fed up with modern dating? In this episode, that’s not just for singles, Trevor Kuhn discusses the challenges of modern courtship, why conflict is essential for relationships, the pitfalls of AI in dating, and why expectations are keeping you single.

Trevor Kuhn is a love and relationship coach and matchmaker for gay and queer men. He helps them shift old patterns and build deeper, more intentional connections through 1-on-1 coaching, group workshops, engaging social content, and live events.

He explains:

🟡 Simple steps to talk to people in person again.

🟡 Why conflict is essential in any relationship.

🟡 How expectations are the #1 thing keeping folks single.

🟡 Why you should delete Grindr.

🟡 The essential work you must do before and during a relationship.

P.S. The easiest way for you to get involved: If you haven’t already, please take 20 seconds to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and/or YouTube! It really is the most helpful thing you can do besides listening and telling your friends!

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction

(04:25) How Trev Became A Relationship Coach

(10:05) First Date Tips

(11:46) Unique Challenges of Modern Gay Dating

(14:38) Why Vulnerability is Essential in Dating

(16:52) Practical Pick-Up Tips

(21:34) How Trev Found Love Through Instagram

(25:03) Why You Should Delete Grindr

(28:16) AI in Dating Apps

(32:07) Our Speed Dating Experience

(37:29) How To Prepare for Relationships

(38:27) Why You Should Ask Your Friends About Relationships

(39:01) Cultivating Belonging and Personal Growth

(40:49) Values and Communication in Relationships

(43:11) Navigating Conflict and Communication Styles

(44:28) Curiosity and Connection in Loneliness

(47:10) Community and Collective Action

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Follow Trevor: https://instagram.com/lovedaddytrev

Follow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton

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My Husband: How to Build an Open Relationship That Works

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 11:03:20 GMT

My husband CASEY GARVIN and I dive deep into our own relationship, answering questions from listeners about our journey, our love, and our openness over the past eight years.

On this episode, we get deep about:

The unique ways that we navigate and heal from conflict.
Who proposed to whom.
How we planned our atypical wedding.
How we learned to embrace jealousy in our open relationship.
What our personal rules around openness are.
How we navigate sexual health.
And some fun things, like our favorite things about each other.

Chapters

(00:00) Intro

(01:37) Our Six Questions to Fall In Love

(08:31) How We Met & Our First Date

(13:23) Why We Broke Up

(18:09) Why We Broke Up

(19:05) Our Proposal Story

(21:42) How We Planned Our Atypical Wedding

(29:39) How We Navigate Conflict

(32:37) How Our Relationship Exists Online

(37:17) How We Practice Openness

(39:28) Navigating Sexual Health and STIs

(41:54) How We Deal With Jealousy

(48:05) Flirting With Other People

(52:53) Casey’s Question Bonanza!

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Top Epstein Investigator: How to Find The Truth and Build Community Through Independent Journalism!

Aidan Wharton — Tue, 03 Feb 2026 13:13:18 GMT

Top Epstein Investigator ELLIE LEONARD explains how she dissects every page of the Epstein files, how she balances being a parent amidst the chaos, and how she builds a community of like-minded truth seekers that YOU can be a part of.

Ellie Leonard is an author, editor, small-business owner, and contributor for Blue Amp Media. Recently, she’s made a name for herself as she pores over every document in the Epstein Files with the incredible community she’s built on Substack.

On this episode, we get into:

The importance of community in uncovering the truth.
How AI and social media have disrupted traditional media.
How to re-engage with the news by finding voices you trust.
How to find common ground in political discussions.
Essential Tips for Online Security.
And how hope and optimism can coexist within today’s harsh reality.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction

(04:52) Ellie’s Unexpected Path to Epstein

(08:07) Raising Politically Aware Children

(10:00) Balancing Work and Family Life

(14:50) Democratizing Investigative Journalism

(18:23) How You Can Get Involved

(20:08) What’s In The New Files

(21:47) Finding The Receipts & Catching Their Lies

(23:51) How Epstein Connects to Minneapolis

(26:19) How to Start Tuning In Again

(28:27) Conversations Across Political Lines

(30:25) Why Aidan Gets Scared of Asking Questions

(33:40) How America Comes Together Again

(35:54) Check Out These Independent Journalists

(39:46) Must-Know Tips to Stay Safe Online (TikTok & Ring Cameras)

(44:47) Ending with Hope & Optimism

(47:26) Ellie’s 3C’s

(48:32) The Trans Festival in Ellie’s Hometown

(50:55) Outro

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Follow Ellie: https://bit.ly/4jQFKON

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