From the Better Than Fine archive in June 2022, this episode explores bodily autonomy, self-trust, and the role of choice in creating sustainable wellness.

If taking care of yourself has started to feel exhausting, this episode is a reminder that sustainable wellness begins with self trust.

In this episode of the “Better Than Fine” podcast, here are a few ideas I share:

• Why feeling in control of your choices matters for real behavior change

• The difference between internal motivation and external pressure

• How autonomy, competence, and support help people thrive

• What it means to become “the expert on you”

• How self trust can transform your fitness and wellness journey

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

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Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why “toxic positivity” can be harmful, and how real hope is different

• Powerful frameworks like Snyder’s Hope Theory and the science of “regoaling” after loss

• How to use hope as an active, actionable practice in your daily life

• Simple strategies to move forward—no matter how small the steps

• The importance of community and support in building resilience and hope

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

From the Better Than Fine archive in June of 2022, here’s an episode on taking care of yourself while avoiding overwhelm:

Maybe you've been striving to be MORE well, MORE optimized, MORE productive, and really you just can't handle one more thing?

In this episode of the “Better Than Fine” podcast, here are a few ideas I share:

• What to do with how we’re feeling with the pressure to do everything perfectly

• What to do when self care feels like one more thing you have to check the box for and why is this happening

• Sometimes the simple is good enough to get you where you’re going

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

From the Better Than Fine archive in June of 2022, here’s an episode how the body shares information and our minds construct emotions:

Have you ever been told that you’re too “dramatic”? Or have you had moments that you’re not completely sure how to handle and process your emotions?

In this episode of the “Better Than Fine” podcast, here are a few ideas I share:

• Emotions are the actually resources that give us information about our experiences

• A deeper dive on the studies based on the relationship between our brains and our bodies and how it effects our actions

• How to grow your emotional intelligence and the ways different experiences cause different reactions in the brain and body

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

Hope, I learned the hard way, is the desperate feeling we cling to in the middle of the night when we’re uncertain we can get through what’s happening. The research literature tells us hope is the only of the 10 key positive emotions that requires something negative to feel it. It’s the thing that keeps us from sinking into despair. Hope keeps us from our worst impulses because we believe a future is still possible.

I refer to the moment that I realize I need hope as “hitting the bottom of the well”. Hope has kept me from harming myself. It’s kept me from giving up. It has gotten me out of bed on the worst days when I needed to believe there was a reason. Hope lives in the future and the belief it’s worth working for

This is More|Better, the substack companion to the Better Than Fine podcast. They’re on building a well-being lifestyle after overwhelm, burnout, and frustration. I’m Darlene Marshall, wellness coach and wellbeing educator, with 15 years coaching in the fitness and wellness space ~ I’ve got over a dozen certifications, a Master’s in Applied Positive Psychology from UPenn, been quoted in the NYTimes, Business Insider, and Washington Post, and I write curriculum for the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM).

Joy is another beast entirely.
Joy teaches us what to hope for.

Joy is underneath the impulse to play. To notice what’s around us and connect on a deeper level. Joy teaches each of us what makes your unique life worth living. What’s worth protecting and loving and fighting for. Research in joy tells us that it opens us up so we will explore our environment, take playful risks, meet new people, and connect with new skills and ideas. Our most effective learning happens when we play and when we are playful. Joy helps us feel apart of something.

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There are forces in our world that way to take away the opportunities for hope and joy.

For everything above, there is also the opposite. The absence of joy makes the world feel dead and hollow. The loss of hope makes people feel desperate or helpless. If there’s no play there’s no exploration. If there’s no hope there’s nothing to fight for. Overwhelm induces helplessness and passivity.

Why?

Being connected, free-thinking, resource sharing, regulated, and informed is dangerous to people whoa re openly trying to lie and manipulate to their people.

Joy and hope.
Whimsy and optimism.

They aren’t (only) privileged or flippant or cute.
They’re my strategy for resilience.

They keep me more effective.

So I’m harder to control.

If I could be helpful with your wellbeing this season, find some time on my calendar. Consultation is always free.

Every hug you’ll ever give - embodied.
Every laugh you’ll every share - embodied.
Every brilliant idea or great meal you’ll ever have - experienced in your body.

(We might take a moment and consider that materialist science cannot identify where ideas come from; regardless of the answer, you have them being through your body.)

There is clear and compelling evidence that your experience of your life is shaped by your relationship to and the state of your body.

This is More|Better, the substack companion to the Better Than Fine podcast. They’re on building a well-being lifestyle after overwhelm, burnout, and frustration. I’m Darlene Marshall, wellness coach and wellbeing educator, with 15 years coaching in the fitness and wellness space ~ I’ve got over a dozen certifications, a Master’s in Applied Positive Psychology from UPenn, been quoted in the NYTimes, Business Insider, and Washington Post, and I write curriculum for the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM).

So often we’re told that when we want to work on our wellbeing; that is to be happier, more productive, have better mental health, or “work on yourself” we’re told to turn to the mind. Meditations where we watch our thoughts. Journaling exercises about writing your own obituary, meant to hone us in on our values. 5 year plans and gratitude lists. All from the neck up; ignoring that 80% of the vagus nerve’s mind/body signal goes “up” from the body to the brain. It’s time to flip that model on it’s… well, head!

Want wellbeing? To feel better?

Want to understand yourself and your life more fully?

Or just want things to suck less?

Start in the body.

Subscribe now

Research supports that movement, sleep, and a healthy gut micro-biome make you more likely to feel positive emotion, have better self control and introspection, improve relationships, and even have more meaning and purpose. Unfortunately, we’re all too busy being fed a steady stream of messaging on how to lose weight and look hot. Perhaps worse, wellness and self care being monetized by influencer marketing only adds to the traditional fitness marketing mess.

There’s another way.

15 years ago when I dipped my toe into becoming a fitness professional I was taught there are 3 kinds of goals: aesthetic, performance, and health. As a personal trainer I was taught to program my clients based on one of those 3 goal types and that my clients (and myself) should always have some goal to program for. As someone with a chronic illness, health was my entry point to fitness, so that made sense to me. Yet, as I shifted my lifestyle and my symptoms were under control, I felt the pressure for a new goal. I went for what I’d been taught: shouldn’t I be thinner, more lean, and able to do more physical feats. Often when chasing those arbitrary goals I’d get hurt or develop some unhealthy patterns with food.

It wasn’t until much later I came to see a gaping hole: wellbeing.

A Body for Wellbeing

Self care as a foundation for wellbeing is by no means new. Esoteric traditions around the world and throughout history have created systems of self care as the foundation for connecting more deeply with ourselves (yoga, anyone?). Yet in this moment where we’re overwhelmed with information we also see many people struggling with the basics. We don’t need more of what, we need support in the how.

I teach a popular corporate workshop called Self Care for Uncertain Times and participants are often surprised the workshop isn’t 45 minutes of me telling them what to do and I’m not dropping affiliate links to products and supplements. In fact, the entire workshop is built on giving yourself credit for what you’re doing right and implementing the stuff you already know what to do. Demographic data tells us most people aren’t doing the basics - getting good sleep, eating vegetables, and moving their bodies - so why pile on more!?

If you want to feel better…
If you want to show up in your life for what matters most to you…
If you want to learn how to listen to and trust your intuition and nervous system…
If you want to grow your emotional intelligence, heal from trauma, or otherwise show up more regulated and happier in your life…

Start in the body and learn how to take care of yourself more deeply.

Doing so will lead you to a more authentic, satisfying, values-driven life because you won’t be shutting down or tuning how how uncomfortable you are.

(The inverse is also true - uncomfortable and dissociated people are easier to control.)

If I could be helpful with your wellbeing this season, find some time on my calendar. Consultation is always free.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• The difference between correlation and causation in ADHD research

• Why sugar-sweetened drinks might make ADHD symptoms worse – but it’s not the whole story

• What this means for your daily choices and well-being

• How compassion, curiosity, and harm reduction can help you (or someone you love) manage ADHD

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

From the Better Than Fine archive in June of 2022, here’s an episode on acknowledging and validating trauma:

Are you or someone you love obsessed with positive thinking? Have a mantra or an intention setting practice for every day of the week?

In this episode of the “Better Than Fine” podcast, here are a few ideas I share:

• Exploring at what point positive practices become detrimental to our health and well-being

• Why toxic positivity is harmful to us and our clients

• What meaningful tools look like when everything is not all-right

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why traditional fitness advice often misses the mark for supporting well-being

• The latest research on how specific exercise intensity, duration, and type impact mood, resilience, and happiness

• Why low-to-moderate intensity movement (even a walk!) can give you a massive well-being boost

• How to overcome toxic gym culture and find empowering, enjoyable movement spaces—even outdoors

• The crucial roles of autonomy, choice, and environment in sticking to your movement practice long-term

• Real client stories and practical steps to start a movement routine that supports your mental and emotional health

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

It goes without saying that things are… kinda fucked. I’ll spare you the list of our collective whoas. Yet, as a wellbeing expert I feel I need to start there, if only to sage the conversation of toxic positivity. I’m not here to bright side you. I’m also not immune ~ and if you follow my other socials you know I’ve had 3 years of illness, infertility, death, and divorce. What’s a girl to do?

I’ve spent much of the last year reeling, healing, and recalibrating how I approach this work. Walking the talk has always been key to bridging my personal life and professional pursuits. After all, how can I help people channel authenticity into meaningful change if I don’t do it myself? Last year, as the wheels fell off my life and I collapsed into burnout, I worried “am I was completely full of shit?!”

One axiom of my work is “Emotions are Information” - that signals from our bodies are the nervous system trying to inform us about our reality. It’s up to each of us to learn how to listen to and accurately interpret the signals, then decide what to do with that information. (Based in Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work on Emotional Granularity).

The path was clear: if I’m afraid I’m full of shit, it’s time to walk the talk.
To use the tools I teach my clients to persevere in times of loss, fear, and uncertainty.
To build the fortitude to handle whatever comes and the belief that each of us, and our struggles, is here for a reason - including me.

For the last year I’ve been asking myself one big question (with lots of littles nested in):

Chances are if you follow my work you’re not a biohacker. You’re not a girl boss. You’re not looking to optimize the peptide stack you illegally purchased using crypto. (Yes, that’s a thing.)

Feel well to do good.

You’re probably just an average person. You want to be well enough to show up, live a good life, and support what you care about. Maybe you volunteer for communities that matter to you. Coach your kids sports team. Try to do a good job at work. You want to not feel tired or sore and you want to have enough energy to do all the things that need doing; if you’re lucky there’s a bit left over for hobbies, friends, and fun. You’re trying to figure out how to navigate a world that doesn’t make much sense; even if it did a few years ago.

You want to feel good so you can do good.

Me too. The only real difference is I happen to have studied wellbeing.
And now I’m tasked with figuring out how to live well in a world that… well… isn’t.

While the last few years sent me for a loop… they also taught me a lot about how to use these tools when shit is going sideways. Being both realistic and optimistic at the same time. Harder than it sounds.

The things that make life worth living.

The field of Positive Psychology is sometimes described as studying “the things that make life worth living”. There were times in the last few years I couldn’t see a future that I wanted. I’d worked most of my life to outpace poverty and trauma, only to see the struggles of middle age steal the dreams that fueled my work ethic. In short: I was lost.

Yet, in the darkest of days I clung to hope that better times would come. I’m happy to report they have; but I didn’t stumble on those feelings by accident. I’ve spent much of the last few years walking the talk. Using the insight I’ve gained from fitness, wellness, and Positive Psychology to rebuild brick by brick.

These days I spend much of my time talking to people about their struggle to build a life that feels worth living. Many of the dreams we’ve been sold - materialism and aggressive individualism branded as “success” & profit - have led us to a lonely place. Whether we ascribe the antidote to wellbeing science, religion, philosophy, or esoteric traditions, many of them point to the same places:

• Connecting with what’s greater than ourselves - whether that’s god, nature, community, or our values

• Living life in service to what matters most - as Seligman said “find someone who needs help and help them”

• Caring for your body - wellbeing often starts with self care

• Learning to live well - intentionally cultivating positive experiences and meaning to combat negativity bias & our worst impulses

This is where BTF will focus in the coming months. A lot has changed since I started this project. I’ve always wanted BTF to be the no-nonsense answer to your pursuit of wellbeing. As more influncers pump anti-science click bait, and well-being scientists pretend everything is hunky-dory, I want to share with you the tools to weather life’s storms. From someone who has been living in them alongside you.

For starters: you’re not going to always feel great.
That’s not the point.
While not everything works for everyone all the time, keep practicing the tools to keep your fortitude high and you’ll better weather life’s storms.

If I could be helpful with your wellbeing this season, find some time on my calendar. Consultation is always on me.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Journey of Artemis II: Relive the record-breaking 252,756-mile lunar orbit with Commander Reed Wiseman, Victor Glover Jr., Christina Koch, and Jeremy Hansen.

• Science of Awe & Positive Psychology: Learn how awe changes our mental models, triggers self-transcendence, and enhances meaning, purpose, and connection.

• Collective Awe—Why It Matters: Explore how sharing awe-inspiring experiences strengthens community, reduces loneliness, and fuels hope—especially in challenging times.

• From Inspiration to Action: Uncover research-backed ways to channel awe into positive action, forward motion, and pragmatic optimism.

• Listener Takeaways: Practical tips for bringing more awe and connection into your everyday life.

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• The origins and evolution of the body positivity movement

• How GLP-1 weight loss medications are reshaping perceptions about body image and wellness

• Insights from thought leaders like Gabriella Lescano, Virgie Tovar, and Aubrey Gordon

• The difference between self-acceptance and collective social change in body positivity

• Why BMI is an unreliable indicator of health and what you should be focusing on instead

• The new role of exercise beyond aesthetics—how well-being and mental health are taking the spotlight

• Practical guidance for fitness and wellness professionals on adapting to these cultural shifts

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• The damaging impact of bullying and body shaming in gyms and on social media

• Real stories of clients being blamed, shamed, and lied to by fitness professionals

• Why outdated, abusive approaches to coaching are not just wrong—they’re ineffective

• The psychological science behind shame, motivation, and genuine behavior change

• How the fitness industry can create truly inclusive, supportive spaces for ALL bodies

• Actionable steps for clients and professionals to end toxic fitness culture

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

Exercise can sometimes feel like it’s just not meant for you. You know it’s good for you, but the reasons you’ve been taught don’t always resonate and maybe there’s more to movement than just exercising.

In this episode of the “Better Than Fine” podcast, here are a few ideas I share:

• The difference between exercise and movement

• The vision of movement for wellness

• Regular physical activity makes you more resilient to stress and improves sleep quality

• Some reasons to build movement into your lifestyle you may not have thought of

To learn more about physical activity and how it’s connected to your mental health, you’ll want to check out the full episode.

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

We live in a society that raises you to think your success is built on natural talents. That type of thinking deprives you of the emotional payoff of your goals. You’re not giving yourself the renewal to push forward to the next thing.

Here are a few ideas I unpack in this episode:

• What is Imposter Syndrome?

• Diving into what makes us feel like we're not good enough and the core beliefs underneath that.

• How one of the pillars of well-being might be the key to breaking past you doubting your abilities and self-worth.

To learn more about how to combat Imposter Syndrome, you’ll want to check out the full episode.

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

In this episode of the “Better Than Fine” podcast, I am joined by featured guest, Vinny Crispino, founder of Pain Academy.

Together we will explore:

• Why movement quality matters in both life and fitness

• The ways that how you move affects your wellness and mindset

• How posture can affect movement and exercise

To learn more about the ties between well-being and movement, you’ll want to check out the full episode.

To get weekly doses of wellbeing in your inbox click the button to subscribe:

Subscribe now

Over the last weeks journalists and regular folks have been combing through the Epstein files and a steady stream of insight about public figures in media, academia, finance, fashion, business, and wellness has been coming out. For many the details are shocking. For others the “well, duh” can feel like overwhelming rage at not having been believed or validated for much of our lives.

Epstein and his inner circle had significant power and influence to shape not only financial or political systems, but the culture itself. In the 80s and 90s Epstein was regularly highlighted in women’s and culture magazines as rich a eligible bachelor. In the summer of 1980, Epstein was Cosmopolitan magazines’ Bachelor of the Month. Many of the weak, mid men who we’re now seeing outed as liars were drawn to Epstein partly due to his was being platformed as “cool” by the establishment. At the same time Les Wexler, a co-conspirator named by the FBI in the files who is closely tied to Epstein financially and in his sex trafficking efforts, was shaping fashion and culture.

I was a 90s kid. I, and millions of other Millennials and Xennials, grew up on the the brands Wexler controlled - Express, Limited, Victoria’s Secret, Bath & Body Works and more. Brands that we now know were intentionally shrink-sizing their women’s clothing to encourage women to diet. Seen through the lens of what we now know about decades of Epstein & Friend’s predatory behavior of girls, the manipulation of the culture doesn’t feel like an accident or a coincidence.

(There are many excellent writers in feminism, fashion, and beauty examining these trends. I’ll leave them to their expertise and focus where I’m an expert: fitness.)

The Body Ideal is a shifting cultural standard of what a person “should” look like. Even when not conscious, we all have a projection in our mind coded by the culture. Men should be big and muscular. Women should be petite and not have muscles. That sort of thing. Generally speaking, when comparing ourselves to the body ideal most people take a hit to self esteem and our mental health; even when they exhibit these qualities. This doesn’t only impact women and is influenced by what’s being platformed in media or on socials by the algorithm.

I remember so clearly comparing myself to the clothes I would never fit into at Express and knowing I’d never be what I saw in Victoria’s Secret catalogues. It made me hate my body; and it was reinforced by the adults around me. They were well-meaning because they were in the same culture. I was encouraged to go on my first diet at 12 years old. For many of us this is more than just feminist theory - it’s our lives. Our eating disorders. Our unhealthy relationship to exercise. Pedifiles were creating the beauty standard as thin, young, cultish, and deferential. Exactly what they wanted in a woman; platformed to millions.

The connection to fitness.

Out of this lens came so much of the diet and weight loss culture the modern fitness industry is built on:

• Trainers are taught the Energy Balance model and therefore teach their clients how to count calories.

• Intake consultations involve taking weight and body fat. It was radical 10 years ago to imply that they shouldn’t be part of every client intake.

• Fitness magazine covers and accounts showcase thin women as the ideal. For many people this implies your trainer should look this way, too.

• Trainers are told to market weight loss as how to build a business - showcasing the before and after pictures of their clients is one example.

• For much of the last 40 years weight loss has been the primary driver for beginning exercise.

We were sold thinness in our youth and told diet and exercise was how to achieve it. Then, trainers were conditioned that our jobs were to “get clients results” - code for increase lean mass and drop body fat. Shows like The Biggest Loser implied that contestants were more attractive to their partners and had more worth because they lost the weight.

The takeaway: you are more valuable when you are The Body Ideal.
Except that Body Ideal was being templated by Epstein and men like him.

I’ll say again, this doesn’t only impact women. Men who liked larger bodied women were labeled “chubby chasers”. Their tastes mocked in movies and TV shows. Men who didn’t have subservient women had “given her their balls” or are labeled as “beta” for treating her as an equal partner. Equal and opposite to the feminine ideal as small, weak, and demure is the masculine ideal of dominating, aggressive, muscular, and always strong. This prevents men from being their authentic selves, too.

When we’re told fitness, diet, and movement are primarily for weight management it keeps us from relating to these tools in a more holistic and healthful:

What it takes from us.

I know two things to be true and there is research to back me up:

• When people start exercising due to shame or guilt they are less consistent, dislike it, stop sooner, and are less happy with their results.

• Exercise significantly increases wellbeing. It makes us more sensitive to positive emotions, boosts mood, decreases depression and anxiety symptoms, increases self esteem and self worth, makes us more physically resilient and healthier.
  (I could go on and on for this list).

Unfortunately, for most of my life the fitness industry has been obsessed with how we look. Which for most people translates directly to weight. Because of that relationship much of the fitness content online is about weight. Most personal trainers don’t even know how to have a real conversation about exercise for mental health and wellbeing (though thankfully that is changing).

This belief system is actively reinforced by the (mostly men) who run the industry.
A few direct, personal examples:

• When I worked for one of the largest luxury gym brands in the world our CEO told our management the female trainers at our location didn’t “look like trainers” because our body fat % was too high (which he gauged by looking at us while we worked) and told our management it was a problem. Their solution was to try to trick us into exercising more.

• Same gym chain, but I was management at the time. Corporate told me I had to hire unqualified trainers because they “looked the part”.

• I have repeatedly been in the room with other experts (always men) who assume I am not an expert despite being in the same rooms as them.

• Once on set for a fitness industry video shoot with a famous brand the creative team assumed I was cast as a client because I was the only plus sized person on set (I was there as a subject matter expert)

From this marketing and messaging the broader culture is taught what fitness is for.

Many of my clients struggle to relate to their bodies. They dissociated long ago from the internalized fat phobia and body shaming. They do not want to feel their bodies because they find their own physical sensations disgusting. This. Breaks. My. Heart. It’s been difficult for me the past few weeks not to see a straight line between the grotesque infantilization in the marketing for these brands, the way they dominated the culture of my adolescence, and the struggle my clients have now.

What they lost was the glorious beauty of having a body. Of being alive.

Of being drawn to fitness as a way to build a relationship with ourselves. To know and care for and love ourselves as we would a beloved child or elder. Instead we were taught to hate every curve and bump, every wrinkle and gray hair as a sign we were less valuable to the beauty ideal.

A touch of hope.

I was recently on an industry call where I learned the latest data: fitness based on aesthetics is collapsing. The diet industry’s embrace of GLP1s means fewer people are hiring trainers to lose weight - they’re spending that money on GLP1 supplementation instead (it’s not medication. weight isn’t a disease). Instead, the growing trend is hiring fitness professionals for strength, performance, and mental health & wellbeing.

More women are strength training than ever and the pandemic sparked a shift towards fitness for mental health. Danielle Friedman reports in the NYTimes that in the relief from the shame of exercising for weight loss some GLP1 users discover they exercise for wellbeing, like it, and are more consistent than ever before - backing up the research.

As more people wake up to the way these sick men shaped our culture we have the opportunity to change. I have long believed meaningful change starts within ourselves. We have to believe in the possibility of a different reality before we take the steps to shape it. It’s up to us now to decide what we do with all this. As a fitness professional in a larger body I’m emboldened. This is an opportunity to reshape society and culture - and yes, fitness - into systems that respect ALL of our wellbeing.

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Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

This is the final email is a 10 day series on simple, effective, decapitalized self care.

I’ve always been a fan of the idea that progress in our lives - personally, professionally, in the gym, and in our relationships - isn’t a straight line. One of my favorite visuals for this comes from @toyoufromsteph on Instagram:

But lately I’ve been rethinking the message.

Growth isn’t linear… because it’s a spiral.

Think about it: how often in your life do you find yourself in a similar situation to one you’ve struggled with before? You’re drawn to the same kind of toxic relationship or you feel the pull to repeat a binge/restrict cycle or you overcommit for the ump-teenth time. The Universe is giving you reps so you can see your patterns and learn to try something new. This isn’t a line, it’s a spiral.

The big trick? YOU decide if it’s a cycle up or down.
(Recognizing we’re all beholden to our social context and resources and assuming the availability to have your foundational needs met)

If you’re using the tools of self awareness, kindness, and regulation to learn your patterns & practicing the skills of living through authenticity and your values you return to these patterns from a new direction - a fresh, elevated angle - and have the chance to make new decisions. Try new things. Learn and grow. Or… you stay stuck in your same old cycles, beat yourself up, cope in unhealthy ways, and cycle “down”.

Part of this 10 Day Simple Self Care journey has been making the space to observe yourself. To make sustainable change and give yourself grace. The goal isn’t perfection - it’s to bend your patterns over time and gain a new perspective.

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

This is the 9th in a 10 day series on simple, effective, decapitalized self care.

There’s a foundational idea in neuroscience that when synapses are repeatedly stimulated they form stronger and stronger relationships. Over time repeated activities become more efficient and behavior becomes more automatic. This is a good thing! When we’re little kids learning to tie our shoes it takes focus and concentration to learn the new movement. Multiplication tables and spelling require repetition for memorization. If everything we experienced required that level of attention life would be unbearable. Learning to drive is another great example.

Unfortunately, unhelpful things get wired in along the way & this is also what makes change difficult.

When we’re overwhelmed and exhausted the brain and nervous system are less plastic. Learning new patterns takes more time and effort and we’re more easily overwhelmed. It’s easier to fall back into old patterns because… well… they’re literally easier.

The good news? You can trick this to your advantage by anchoring behaviors to stuff you’re already doing.

Known as Habit Stacking, attaching change to another automatic behavior increases the likelihood that small, simple self care action will happen.

Simple Self Care Practice:
Anchor the Action

As you renew your self care systems, set yourself up for the win. Stack the action you’re looking to take with something you know you’ll already do. Here are a few examples from my clients:

• Walk around the block when you go out for the mail

• Drink water when you’re at the sink washing your hands (put a cup there!)

• Stretch your shoulder in the bathroom doorway every time you go pee

• Have a handful of spinach whenever you eat (my client calls this Dinosauring?!)

• Wash your face before you brush your teeth (ok, this one is mine)

These are intentionally simple, small examples. They’re stepping stones on the road to better self care, not the entire journey all at once.

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

Put some time on my calendar

This is the 8th in a 10 day series on simple, effective, decapitalized self care.

Our culture is built on most and best.

We’re taught from a young age that worth is in high achievement and value is measured in output and productivity. Class ranking. Top tier colleges. Best internships. Awards. Promotions. In a world of accelerating change full of noise with little signal the drive for an arbitrary top becomes exhausting.

With the commodification of wellness and self care as a marketing ploy we’ve been fed a laundry list of all the stuff we “should” be doing. Over the last decade we were taught to maximize our macros, workouts, supplements, and beauty products until our living rooms and bathroom cabinets were full of crap we don’t even use.

It’s no wonder that when change is small or slow we feel inadequate.
In the state of overwhelm and dysregulation Big Change is another obligation. Another struggle. It’s understandable to want change NOW; but it erases the fact that change (and life) are a process. One that unfolds at the speed each of us can tolerate and metabolize. When we’re overwhelmed or burntout going slow allows us to heal, build stability, and arrest the downward spiral.

The first step is often letting go of the pressure to change quickly so you can rest.

Simple Self Care Practice:
Micro-Progression

If you’ve been following this series you’ve been working on stacking simple, doable changes to your self care. You’ve picked something small but meaningful and built systems to support it.

So… how’d it go?

If you’ve been making progress it’s time to take another step on your journey. Maybe you’ve been setting down your phone at 9p and reading a book so you’ll get better sleep. Or you’ve been getting up and stretching every afternoon at 2p. Today’s the day to check in with yourself and hopefully give yourself some kudos for progress.

If you find that you’re ready, take a small progression. Here are a few suggestions along the lines of the most common domains of self care:

• Sleep - You’re setting down your phone? That’s great! Maybe now you can cut off caffeine by a certain time every afternoon.

• Movement - You’re stretching at 2p? Excellent! How about adding a few squats in after the stretches. (Planning to add walking once it’s nice out!)

• Nutrition - You’ve been eating 3x/day since you saw it in a previous email. Awesome! What about making sure there’s always a vegetable?

By focusing on micro-progression instead of going all at once you allow the systems of your life and of your body to adapt gradually, lessening stress.

Did you check in and find you weren’t up to snuff? That’s okay. Check ins are the opportunity to course correct. Consider how you might chunk your change down even smaller to support your success this week.

Join the conversation!

How’d your check in go? What have you been working on and what might you add (or subtract) to stay on your journey? Share in the comments.

Need some help with your wellbeing this season? This month I’m piloting 2 new programs:

The Self Care Reboot - a weekly virtual lunch coaching meetup (12p ET Wednesdays) where simple, actionable, systems-focused self care practices are front and center.

Strength Without the Struggle - a twice-weekly, virtual, inclusive functional strengths class (Tues/Thurs 7a ET) where the focus is on getting strong without the shame, blame, and guilt many people experience in fitness spaces

Want to talk about them first? 1 hour consultations are always free (because you shouldn’t have to pay someone just to ask if they’re a good fit for you)

Put some time on my calendar