Hello,

It’s Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life.

Last time, I shared ​excerpts of poetry from Joy Sullivan about new beginnings and finding the courage to start again​.

Today, we’re talking about how to ask for space from people we love, a difficult but sometimes necessary task.

For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my ​7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

How to Ask for Space from People You Love

Romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise, clearing that space takes courage to ask for what we need.

It would do even extroverts well to spend more conscious time alone (​admits this one extrovert who learned to enjoy spending time just with herself​). Yes, we humans are social creatures, but even the most garrulous among us need time away from our herd, not because that herd is unpleasant or cloying, but because when we are constantly part of a group, we cannot truly be ourselves.

Certainly, there are people to whom we feel we can say anything, people who seem to understand our thoughts and intentions by grace of some unnamed, intangible force, sometimes even before we ourselves are aware of what’s forming within. But even they take our time and attention (no matter how willing we are to give it) away from our own internal dialogue. And we need this internal dialogue to work through new ideas, experiment freely, and decide for ourselves what we think, value, and feel.

Our internal dialogues are something to be preserved. And like all good things in life, sometimes ensuring that preservation means fighting for it.

But how to do so without leaving a bruise? How can we ask for space in a relationship?

finish the thought

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​Feeling Alone in a Relationship: It’s Not Always About the Other Person​

• ​In Defense of Laughing Alone​

• ​How to Balance Solitude and a Social Life​

To asking for what you need,

Merry

Hello,

It’s Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life.

Last time, I shared ​six reasons why spending time alone can be good for you​.

Today, we’re talking about poems for new beginnings to help you start anew.

For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my ​7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

Poems About New Beginnings for When You Need to Start Again

Starting anew can happen at any moment. Joy Sullivan shares her instructions for taking off.

September is the ninth month of the year, but for many, brings the same refreshing feeling of January. Perhaps it’s the smell of fresh notebooks, new class schedules, and first-day-of-school outfits that lingers in our minds and makes the end of the summer feel like a beginning. But sometimes, we get the urge to start anew on a Wednesday. Or in July. Or at two o’clock in the afternoon when we’ve had a very disagreeable morning and want to restart the clock to try to win back those lost, grumpy hours.

A few deep breaths can help. A short walk to the corner and back can bring an entirely new perspective. Sometimes, simply brewing a fresh cup of coffee, cracking your knuckles, and opening to a clean page in a book or notepad can trick our minds into starting the day anew.

It’s not always just the morning hours we wish we could take back, though. It’s the entire week, the last few months, or, when our spirits are particularly low and tomorrow feels more like an obligation than an opportunity, it’s the last several years that have been weighing us down, tethered to the ankles.

How to set ourselves free? How to, despite everything, start again?

Poetry can help.

During my college years when melancholy trailed me like cigarette fumes, I found solace in leftover napkins, corners of newspapers (for I used to luxuriate in the free time of a college student by reading the newspaper cover to cover every day at eleven o’clock, accompanied only by a toasted bagel with cream cheese and a black coffee), and torn-out, crinkled notepads. I wrote away the malaise, releasing it from me in a disjointed anthology of mediocre poems thrown together in between classes, during classes, at coffee shops, and even in the car when I would hurry to pull into the nearest parking lot to preserve an idea. In a way, those poems preserved me, or at least the me who was ailing, and in capturing her inky ponderings, those poems set the new me free.

“Professional” poems (what I call those published and printed in a book for mass-market sale) helped set the new me free, too.

During difficult times, my melancholy introduced me to Charles Bukowski, Molière and my beloved, dreamy William Butler Yeats. Their works fed the melancholy, helped it steep and simmer until I felt ready enough to let it go. But it was Joy Sullivan who spooned me an all-together new kind of elixir that tasted like optimism, more like a soup, really, the kind of broth over which someone labors for hours, one spoonful of which is enough to soothe the sorest throat and deliver a week’s worth of bed rest in one warm gulp.

Here are a few loving spoonfuls for you:

loving spoonfuls of poetry

MORE ARTICLES ON BOOKS

• ​Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship​

• ​9 Books You Can Read in a Day​

• ​Books for Existential Dread​

To starting anew,

Merry

Hello,

It’s Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life.

Last week, we talked about how to get better at doing things alone. If you missed it, you can catch up right here.

Today, we’re talking about how being a loner (AKA being confident and comfortable in your own company) makes it easier to make new friends.

For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my ​7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

Why Being a Loner Helps You Make New Friends

When you’re confident and comfortable in your own company, it becomes easier to talk to strangers, reach out first, and make plans repeatedly. That’s what builds friendship, whether you’re moving to a new city or just facing a social dry spell.

We are suffering from a loneliness epidemic. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you.

Depending on whom you talk to, some might even tell you we’re suffering from a male loneliness epidemic, specifically.

Whether we let men claim loneliness as their own personal plight or evaluate the larger spectrum of adult relationships, the present and future states of friendship look bleak:

• People are making fewer friends. In 1990, one-third of Americans said they had 10 or more close friends. In 2021, just 13% said the same. Even worse, in 1990, only 3% said they had no friends. In 2021, 12% of Americans said they have no friends, per the Survey Center on American Life.

• They’re going to fewer social gatherings. “Only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average weekend or holiday in 2023—that’s a 35% drop from 2004, says The Atlantic.

• They’re having less sex. “…researchers have become alarmed at declines in sexual activity around the world, from Japan to Europe to Australia,” explains Scientific American.

And this isn’t just a problem with “the kids these days.” Across genders and generations, people everywhere are struggling to make new friends.

In this post, I share four truths on how to make new friends as an adult—and why learning to get confident and comfortable in your own company will actually help you make more friends.

Do you feel lonely doing things by yourself?​

It shouldn’t be that way. Sign up for A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge to learn how to get more confident doing things alone.

how to make new friends

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship​

• ​How to Enjoy Your Own Company​

• ​How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone​

To putting yourself out there,

Merry

there's more to see on amerryloner.com

Hello,

It’s Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life.

Last week, we talked about how being a loner (AKA being confident and comfortable in your own company) makes it easier to make new friends. If you missed it, you can catch up ​right here​.

Today, we’re talking about the benefits of solitude and why being alone is good for you.

For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my ​7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

Why Being Alone Is Good for You

There are many benefits of solitude, but you have to give yourself the chance to sit there.

It’s the tale as old as time: “I’m afraid I will die alone.”

While such a worry often comes to us in more dire moments, like when a relationship dissolves or family ties begin to come undone, the fear of being alone also creeps its way into our everyday activities: going to a wedding alone; traveling alone; living alone; even celebrating Valentine’s Day alone.

When we compare our inner circle to that of those around us, it can sometimes feel embarrassingly small by comparison. Then that familiar pang of loneliness creeps in, and we’re quick to fill it with scrolling, watching, or consuming—content or otherwise.

But there’s no reason to be afraid of being alone. If you step back from the screen, fake friends, and other mind-numbing distractions and learn how to truly enjoy your own company, you’ll uncover a new, calmer, more peaceful world, one where doing things alone feels comfortable instead of punishing.

Though the silence may at first exacerbate feelings of loneliness, if you learn to sit with it instead of running to distractions, you’ll find you already have everything you need to be happy within you.

Here are six reasons why being alone is good for you and how it helps you live a more creative, fulfilling, connected life:

THE SHORTLIST: 6 benefits of solitude that help you think clearly, create freely, and build more meaningful relationships

How spending time alone helps you:

1. ​Think for yourself​

2. ​Be more creative​

3. ​Gain more confidence being yourself​

4. ​Experiment and try new things​

5. ​Build more meaningful relationships​

6. ​Make new friends more easily​

Plus, why intentional solitude is getting harder and harder to come by.

how being alone can be beneficial

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​Why Being a Loner Helps You Make New Friends​

• ​Quotes About Feeling Alone to Remind Us We’re Each Steering Our Own Ship​

• ​How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone​

To appreciating your “you time,”

Merry

there's more to see on amerryloner.com

Consider these quotes a chance to rub shoulders with unmet kindred spirits.

It’s really impossible to avoid. No matter how many friends we have, how cherished we feel by our family, or the current state of our romantic entanglements, at the end of the day, we are all on our own.

Being alone is something we can’t escape, though many people try.

In moments of quiet, they rush to the screen to fill the void, staring at Reels that don’t interest them but are simply there.

Or they swipe through dating apps, not really with any intention of meeting someone. But it’s something to fill the time; to pique the curiosity; to busy the fingers; to attempt to assess our own appearance, status, and social standing by seeing how we stack up against the other fish in the sea.

Others choose to wallow, to lament their solitude and what they perceive as their unique suffering: “No one understands my grief, my troubles, my depression, my demons.”

But they do.

Perhaps not everyone. It’s unlikely that every soul you cross is a long-lost kindred spirit who can understand your intimate yearnings and despair with nary a glance. After all, those are your crosses to bear; they have theirs.

But in recognizing that each of us is lost on our individual paths, searching for meaning and something to give substance to the confusing series of events we call life, we can find a comfort.

That comfort is knowing we are all lost and alone and swimming through the dark. But every now and then, we brush fingers with a passing swimmer and are reminded that, though we may be paddling alone, floundering and thrashing, we are all together in the same ocean, fighting against the same currents, trying our best to stay afloat.

Consider these quotes a chance to rub shoulders with unmet kindred spirits. They may not share your exact troubles, but they can understand the pain.

Still feeling lonely? The cure for loneliness doesn’t come from others; it comes from within.

If you want to learn how to get comfortable being alone in your own company, join ​A Merry Loner’s 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

THE SHORTLIST: 42 quotes about feeling alone to make you feel less lonely

• ​8 quotes about feeling alone in life​ — to help you get more comfortable in solitude

• ​4 quotes about feeling alone and unwanted​ — to help you find self-worth in alone time

• ​4 quotes about feeling alone and lost​ — to remind you that the way forward is by charting your own path, not following others’

• ​5 quotes about feeling alone in a relationsip​ — to remind you that solitude is not something to be rescued from

• ​5 quotes about feeling alone in a crowd​ — to remind you that the cure for loneliness must come from you

• ​3 quotes about feeling alone and depressed​ — to remember that sadness is a part of the human condition and is always surmountable

• ​6 short quotes about feeling alone​ — to teach you that alone time isn’t punishment

• ​7 inspirational quotes about feeling alone​ — to remind you that solitude is not only worthwhile but necessary

read words from unmet kindred spirits

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone​

• ​How to Enjoy Your Own Company​

• ​Feeling Alone in a Relationship? It’s Not Always About the Other Person​

To your peace,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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Hello,

It’s Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life.

Last week, we talked about eight affordable ways to support local businesses and why it’s important. If you missed it, you can catch up right here.

Today, we’re talking about books on traveling alone.

For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my ​7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

Stories to push you forward.

For those born with an innate sense of wanderlust, it can be difficult to imagine there are others who don’t share the same yearning to move. But for some, traveling isn’t a series of glittering memories. When prompted to pack a suitcase and brave the rails, road, or sky, be it across the world or a stone’s throw away, they see not picturesque walks along riverbanks, new aromas wafting their way, or foreign tongues catching their ears. They see long queues, packing restrictions, and suffocating crowds. Above all, they see the unknown.

The idea of traveling alone can be even more jarring. Still, even if you’re afraid of traveling alone, you might feel a quiet stirring within to test yourself and see how far you can go, both on the map and in your mind. Doing so requires quieting the anxieties bubbling beneath the surface and turning your attention to the voice of optimism pushing you forward. These books will feed that voice.

THE SHORTLIST: 4 books on traveling alone to feed your wanderlust

1. for ​encouragement when travels are difficult​

2. for ​courage to push yourself out of your comfort zone​

3. for ​inspiration to chase a dream​

4. for ​a reminder to always stay curious

feed your mind with books, not reels

MORE POSTS ON SOLO TRAVEL

• ​Scared of Traveling Alone: How to Deal with Solo Travel Anxiety​

• ​I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway​

• ​21 Quotes for Traveling Alone​

To booking the trip,

Merry

Shifting just a few purchases to locally owned stores makes a difference as we fight the good fight against mass production and megacorporations.

In the last quarter of 2025, in a turn of events that stunned no one, OpenAI announced its move towards agentic commerce, allowing U.S. ChatGPT users to buy items directly in the chatbox.

As an aside, let’s not forget that ChatGPT’s self-proclaimed mission is “to ensure that artificial general intelligence benefits all of humanity.” How encouraging people to buy more things they likely don’t need benefits humanity is beyond me. But what do I know?

Embarrassingly for Mr. Altman, ChatGPT apparently isn’t even useful for shilling products. Per researchers at the University of Hamburg and the Frankfurt School of Finance & Management, organic Large Language Model traffic (oLLM) traffic performs “below all other traditional channels,” save paid social.

But I digress.

While I love to roast Big Tech and drone on about the environmental and humanitarian implications of shopping via Amazon Prime, today, as for all days, the focus is on what small steps we can take to make life more enjoyable.

One easy but impactful way to support your community and your own wellbeing is to shop local—and you don’t have to break the bank or otherwise inconvenience yourself to do it.

Read on to learn 8 easy, affordable ways to support local businesses and why this matters.

THE SHORTLIST: 8 ways to support local businesses (without spending a lot of money)

Buy coffee beans or grounds from a local shop instead of a grocery store

Get groceries at your local farmer’s market

Buy books from a local, in-person bookstore (not Amazon)

Shop clothes from local boutiques instead of name-brand stores or online

Eat at local restaurants instead of chains

For gifts, check out local shops instead of ordering online

Follow local businesses on social media—and tell friends​

When in doubt, ask yourself this question

THE SHORLIST: 5 reasons why you should support local businesses

You keep money in your local community

You build your community’s cultural identity

You (usually) get better customer service

You support skilled artisans instead of mass production

You give money to working people instead of celebrities and billionaires

PLUS:

5 ways to discover local businesses near you to break free from algorithm-led recommendations

6 quotes to remind you to support local businesses

2 quotes to inspire you to keep going with your own project (even if it feels like you’re not getting anywhere right now)

make shopping local a new (easy) habit

MORE ARTICLES ON MINDFUL CONSUMPTION

• ​5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)​

• ​How to Stop Wanting Things​

• ​6 Ethical Tea Companies for Fair Trade Tea Bags & Organic Tea​

Stay positive,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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🌻 Find the silly stuff on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and Bluesky.

One Christmas alone doesn’t mean all Christmases will be alone. This year may be a quiet moment—that’s okay.

Spending Christmas alone is a lot more common than people realize.

​A Mission for Michael (AMFM)​ conducted a survey in December 2025, combining the results with US census data to estimate how many people will spend Christmas alone this year: 16.3 million.

But spending the holidays alone isn’t just an American phenomenon.

A study by ​the Policy Institute at King’s College London​ found that one in nine people in the UK will spend Christmas alone this year—that’s double the number of solitary Christmas celebrations from 1969.

No, this isn’t just more fodder about the loneliness epidemic that everyone’s going on about. According to AMFM’s survey, 16% actually say they prefer to spend Christmas alone.

Unsurprisingly, however, they’re in the minority. Twenty-five percent say they feel lonely about spending Christmas alone; 22% say it makes them feel sad.

This is not a post to encourage you to spend the holidays alone (unless you want to). But against our own wishes, there are sometimes factors at play that prevent us from being with loved ones on the holidays.

Your friends and family may live far away, and the cost of travel just isn’t feasible this year. Maybe you have to work during Christmas and can’t make it to your family’s festivities. Or perhaps you ​moved to a new city alone​ or you’re otherwise going through a phase in your life where your social circle is small. It happens.

If you’re spending the holidays alone this year, know that this is not your fate. Life will continue, and you will celebrate with loved ones again.

In the meantime, though, you can still bring some holiday cheer to your own loner Christmas.

As I like to call it, here’s a guide to A Merry Loner’s Christmas:

THE SHORTLIST: 11 things to do on Christmas alone

1. ​Don’t treat it like a regular day​ (because it’s not)

2. ​Get dressed up​ (even if you’re staying at home)

3. ​Stay off social media​ (it’ll make you feel better, I promise)

4. ​Leave the house at least once​ (even if it’s just for a walk)

5. ​Treat yourself to a special meal​—homecooked or in a restaurant

6. ​Bake something festive​: gingerbread cookies, bread, cake

7. ​Watch a Christmas movie​—but don’t spend the whole day in front of the screen

8. ​Volunteer​—it’s a great way to remember you’re not the only one spending the holidays alone

9. ​Write Christmas or New Year’s letters​ to put in the mail tomorrow

10. ​Go to a local event​ (markets, festivals, light displays)

11. ​Consider going to church​ (even if you’re not religious, you might enjoy the sense of community)

PLUS:

Even the most independent, confident, and self-possessed of us probably don’t want to spend Christmas alone. I’m not advocating for a solitary holiday season—but sometimes, it happens and you need to make the most of it.

If you need some moral support, here are ​six tips on getting through the holidays alone if you’re feeling lonely​.

AND:

Christmas may be one of the loudest and most celebrated holidays, but it’s not the only time people find themselves sitting alone while others celebrate.

​Valentine’s Day​ is a particularly woeful occasion for those unattached. And New Year’s Eve brings a lot of pressure to kiss a certain someone at midnight.

Beyond the Christmas season, ​these strategies can help you learn how to enjoy holidays alone, all year round​:

JUST FOR FUN: Where to spend Xmas alone

If you’re spending Christmas alone this year, it doesn’t mean you need to coop up at home. Especially if you’re feeling a bit down and are worried about how to get through holidays alone, a change of scenery can be a cure-all. Here are ideas:

• ​If you want to travel far...​

• ​If you want to want to stay close to home...​

• ​If you want to travel alone but not feel alone...

  everything on how to spend Xmas alone

Psst—if you know someone (a co-worker, a distant family member, that kind bloke at the coffee shop you always exchange pleasantries with) who will be spending Christmas alone this year and seems to be putting on a brave face about it, send them this email.

Better yet, invite them over, if you can. If you can’t, perhaps they can find some reassurance in these words.

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​How to Enjoy Your Own Company​

• ​How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone​

• ​Accepting Your Fate (Finding Acceptance Alone)​

Wishing you a very merry Christmas, holiday season, and new year—however, whenever, and wherever you may celebrate.

Cheers,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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Gifts that look good, feel good, and DO good.

It’s that time of year again. When every brand you’ve ever interacted with (if only via a few, long-ago clicks) begins force-feeding you a list of “must-haves” for the holiday season.

Things you need. Things your mom needs. Your partner needs. Your best friend needs. But you know what they’re not telling you? You don’t need it.

Really. You don’t need more plastic. You don’t need more expensive, poor-quality clothes you’ll forget about come springtime. And you don’t need yet another useless trinket that’s just going to sit on your shelf and collect dust, unforgotten for a few years until it hits the landfills.

I get it. I’m no scrooge. People like to exchange and share and generally spread merriment. I’m all for that.

But before you click ADD TO CART for these classic holiday gifts, maybe do a double-take. Can you find a more ethical, more minimalist version instead?

Here are 5 gifts NOT to waste your money on this year—and better, less-evil alternatives.

THE SHORTLIST: what NOT to buy this holiday season (& what to consider instead)

1. Replace books from Amazon >> ​local, independent bookstores​

2. Replace sweaters made out of plastic >> ​handmade, woolen sweaters​

3. Replace cutesy mugs that no one ever uses >> ​fair-trade, organic tea​

4. Replace personal care products that pollute the enviornment >> ​certified organic options​

5. Replace any random, unnecessary material good >> ​the gift of knowledge and inner peace

see more ethical, minimalist gift ideas

MORE ARTICLES ON MINDFUL CONSUMPTION

• ​5 Alternatives to Amazon (and why I no longer buy books on Amazon)​

• ​6 Ethical Tea Companies for Fair Trade Tea Bags & Organic Tea​

• ​How to Stop Wanting Things​

May your holidays be meaningful,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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Wisdom, distilled.

The Internet loves to write think pieces about how we’ve lost our attention spans. Where did they go?

Social media is one obvious culprit. I personally like to pick on TikTok for reasons such as : 5 TikTok Challenges That Left Thousands Injured and Over 100 Dead.

In general, I’m pretty anti short-form video and the fact that information is becoming more and more condensed into visually-stimulating, “aesthetically-pleasing” 30-second sound bytes.

Give me words. Give me chapters. Give me delicious sentences to underline and real paper pages to dog-ear.

And give it to me even when I’m short on time. Because, yes, me too, I sometimes feel like life is a vat of quicksand mercilessly pulling me in. It’s part of why I’m trying to live a more analog life—one where I spend time away from social media and make my downtime less consumption-based and more pleasure-based.

Naturally, books are a big part of that. Even when I feel like I have no time.

If you’re short on time this week but still want to enrich your precious downtime instead of losing it to a doomscrolling spiral, try this: 9 good books you can read in a day.

Start with one, and then let the good vibes roll.

THE SHORTLIST: 9 short books to read in a day

​2 Classic books to read in a day… One from a French author and one from a Polish author

​2 Fiction books to read in one day… One inspired by family and one romance novel

​2 Non-fiction books you can read in one sitting… One book about health and one about philosophy

​3 Memoirs under 200 pages… One from an Old Hollywood starlet; one from a NYT bestseller; and one from a poet

Or if reading by mood is more your thing...

1. If you want to work on the classics​

2. If you’re interested in books from non-English-speakers​

3. If you want an emotional, mother-daughter story​

4. If you’re looking for a tear-jerking romance​

5. If you’re curious to learn something new about health​

6. If you want to explore a bit of philosophy​

7. If you’re in the mood for an honest celebrity autobiography​

8. If you want to read a book about life​

9. If you’ve got a craving for poetry​

go ahead, spend the day reading

MORE ARTICLES ON BOOKS

• ​5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)​

• ​18 Easiest Classic Novels to Read​

• ​7 Books on Self-Awareness to Become a Better Person​

Happy reading,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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Because life after social media is lighter, richer, and just more enjoyable

It’s not easy to put down the phone. For many of us, it has almost become an extension of ourselves. Some people even carry it on a chain around their neck or attach a micro version to their wrists. Most of us can’t leave the house without it—and our heart stops when we think we’ve misplaced it.

It’s not our fault. The phone is shiny, expensive, alluring. And companies are literally spending millions of dollars to keep us hooked. You know which ones: social media companies.

Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Dare I say, TikTok. The bad boys patrolling the Internet, luring you in with funny memes and clickbait—and then making off with your time, money, and in many cases, self-esteem.

It wasn’t always like this. When many of us created our first social media accounts, we were doing it to stay in touch with friends and share family photos, i.e., connect with others.

Now, most of that connection is lost. Most days, our algorithm feeds us rage-bait that spikes our blood pressure and makes that pit in our stomach grow tenfold. (You know, that old friend, ​existential dread​.) On top of that, it pushes unrealistic and unattainable standards for beauty, wealth, and everything in between that leave us doubting ourselves, at best, and hating ourselves, at worst.

And of course, advertisements. Everywhere, all the time, popping up and flashing with all sorts of different sounds. Because even though it’s never worked before, maybe buying this one very specific next thing will bring us that unattainable happiness we’ve long strived for.

Sound familiar?

As depressing and hopeless as it can feel sometimes to live an increasingly digital world, we do have a choice: We can disconnect. We can stop using social media.

I don’t mean forever. I still use Facebook Messenger to talk to my friends. I share my writing on Instagram and Pinterest. I like logging into Facebook every few months and seeing my old co-workers share updates about traveling or getting married or having kids.

But we can choose to use social media in a way that serves us, instead of letting it abuse us. I’ll show you how—or at least what’s worked for me.

THE SHORTLIST: How to stop using social media

• ​5 strategies to stop using social media​ (without deleting your accounts)

• ​Productive apps instead of social media​ to help you replace the urge to scroll

• ​Substitutes for social media​, whether you use social media to connect with others, relax, be entertained, or follow the news

• ​Understanding why it’s so hard to stop using social media ​(it’s not your fault)

• ​4 steps to quit social media ​that worked for me

how to quit social media

MORE ARTICLES ON ANALOG LIVING

• ​What to Do Instead of Social Media​

• ​How to Live a More Analog Life: 5 easy, cheap (or free) ideas​

• ​5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)​

To living a less distracted life,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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Do you like being with yourself?

Spending time alone doesn’t usually sound idyllic. Single women are often cast as unfortunate spinsters. Reserving a table for one is a famously embarrassing cliché. From single prom nights to ​flying solo at weddings​ to ​loner Valentine’s Day celebrations​, having the guts to go it alone instead of relying on the comfortable, however mediocre, presence of a date is often frowned upon (or at least considered lame).

What gives? Why is doing things alone so widely considered scary, nerve-wracking, and judgment-inducing?

Societal expectations are a big factor. Young people without a lot of friends are “weird,” and as one approaches the big 30, the pressure is on to find your soulmate. Biology is another factor. Humans are social creatures, and no matter how independent one is, it’s perfectly natural and normal to want to be included, invited, and liked.

But I contend that a big part of the fear, anxiety, and judgment that come with being alone stem from the fact that too many of us don’t really know ourselves all that well.

We might know what kind of friend we are (or want to be). The funny one. The bold one. The empathetic one. What kind of co-worker we are. The creative one. The one who gives kick-ass presentations. The lord or lady of spreadsheets. And though it’s often an internal battle, we have ideas (usually, too many) about who we are (and are trying to be) as lovers, partners, daughters, brothers, fathers, aunts.

But who are you when you aren’t any of these things? Who are you when you are just you, alone with yourself, separate from any titles, tasks, or relationships?

Do you like being with yourself?

Sometimes, that answer is an easy yes. “Yes, I’m funny, smart, and I know I’m pretty cute.” But depending on what the mirror, the meanies, and our internal haters have reported that day, coming up with a comfortable, sunny answer to that question isn’t always a given—especially for the young’uns.

Per a ​2021 report from YouGov​ on how Americans perceive themselves, almost one-quarter (24%) of Americans under 35 “say they don’t like themselves most or all of the time.” (On average, 14% of US adults (aged 18+) had the same sentiment.)

As sad as that statistic is, I don’t believe it’s static. Like that weird friend you didn’t click with at first but now love, sometimes it takes time to love yourself. Learning to enjoy your own company can help you get there.

THE SHORTLIST: Enjoy my own company? The why & how

• 5 reasons why it’s important to learn to enjoy your own company

• 4 tips on how to enjoy your own company

• 5 “enjoy your own company” quotes to remind you why it’s worth it

how to enjoy your own company

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone​

• ​Living Alone as a Woman: Why Every Woman Should Live Alone at Least Once​

• ​7 Books on Self-Awareness to Become a Better Person​

To enjoying your life,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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Wandering à la Merry Loner Lifestyle in Cannes, France, November 2024.

While the Merry Loner Mindset praises leaning into self-confidence and going after your dreams, I haven’t always done so publicly—and when I have, it often comes with a lot of hesitation and worrying before hitting PUBLISH.

It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I don’t maintain an Instgram account with lots of pictures of myself. I’m always forgetting to post on LinkedIn, even though that’s what all the freelance writers do these days. And when I am asked to share a picture of myself for a project (like I was last week), I’m often hard pressed to dig up some photos that aren’t group shots. (I’m more of a journal-er than a photographer when it comes to documenting my escapades.)

But this week, I’m trying something different.

After a monthslong hiatus from A Merry Loner for a sunny vacation in Cyprus and Spain (followed by almost a week bedridden with a virus), I’m eager to get back to writing. So when from Petal and Hearth (a new publication on Substack) reached out to me to contribute a guest post, I was absolutely tickled—and ready to share more of my personal story than ever before.

In her new Her Best Life series, Olivia asks fellow writers “to share the choices and rituals that have shaped the lives they have today.”

For my guest post specifically, Olivia asked me to recount my move to Paris. I’ve already shared a little about my experience in an article I wrote last year for Business Insider. But when you’re lucky enough to get commissioned by a big-name publication, it usually means you’ve got to stick to some very strick parameters—i.e., my love of the verbose and the over-explained was (understandably) trimmed down and the emotional factor kept to a minimum.

But today, I get to reveal more shades of the story.

THE SHORTLIST: A Merry Loner on Thriving in Your Own Company

• The mission behind A Merry Loner (and why I write)

• How the Merry Loner Mindset helped me quit my desk job, start my own business, and dare to permanently settle in another country

• Simple habits (I cling to) to make daily life more beautiful

• A solo ritual to help you become more comfortable doing things alone

• My best advice on how to start building a more independent life—without waiting for your current cirumstances to change

• My brutally honest advice on what to consider before making a big move

• The one small choice I made years ago that’s profoundly changed my life

READ: THRIVING IN YOUR OWN COMPANY

MORE ARTICLES ON LIFE IN FRANCE

• ​Where to Take Yourself on a Solo Date at Night in Paris​

• ​26 Things To Do Alone in Paris (plus a complete itinerary for a week traveling alone in Paris)

• ​21 Quotes for Traveling Alone, including wisdom from voices like Belgian fashion designer Diane Von Fürstenberg, and English novelist Daphne du Maurier

Very sincerely,

Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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"august sipped away like a bottle of wine"

The first weekend in September may already be behind us, but my mind is still on summer sun, breezy linen skirts, and travel plans.

August was a packed month for me!

After enjoying the first weekend home in Paris with coffee dates and a stroll in my local community garden, I've spent the last three weekends living out of my beloeved, beaten-up leather duffel bag: a trip to Jarosławki, Poland for a wedding; a long weekend in Saint Louis, with river-swimming and hiking over the border in Switzerland; and another brief séjor in Bordeaux, waltzing through vineyards and wasting the weekend away with wine.

But I'm not ready to welcome the darker days just yet. On Thursday, I depart for a 10-day stay in Cyprus. At last! After foregoing a summer vacation last year (that time and money was, instead, spent on renting a moving van and briefly paying double rent while managing the move to Paris), it's time for an extended respite of sun and sea.

Even better, while my husband and I usually favor more adventurous, educational excursions with plenty of sightseeing and museum-hopping, this year, we have one objective and one objective only: doing nothing.

I bought three books and a new bikini, and I intend to do nothing but swim, read, and lounge (and yoga) for the next 10 days.

And because I'm a big propponent of taking healthy breaks away from the screen and keeping your inbox lean and purposeful, I'm also taking a brief pause on new A Merry Loner posts.

Don't despair, though! I have lots in store for the fall that I'm looking forward to sharing with you.

Until then: to remembering to pause, unwind, and refresh whenever you need,

Merry

NEW THIS MONTH

​Scared of Traveling Alone: How to Deal with Solo Travel Anxiety​

GUEST POST ALERT! This month, I share words from Daniel John, a freelance copywriter from the UK who writes about travel and mental health.

In a bubbly but informative (and damn funny) post, John shares strategies that help him keep the anxious thoughts at bay while he's traveling by himself. From spiraling over all the what-ifs to navigating the hostel scene and and dealing with decision fatigue, these tips will help you take the fear out of solo travel—and get ready (and excited) to book your first solo trip. READ

READ MORE POSTS ON SOLO TRAVEL

​What To Do Instead of Social Media​

I am overwhelmed by the positive feedback I've gotten about this post. I hear you loud and clear: We are all emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and, honestly, just disappointed by the constant pressure to scroll, follow, and like everything that comes at us every day from just about everyone.

After almost two decades of smartphones and social media, it's like we're starting to collectively wring our hands and shout, "Enough is enough!" But giving up social media—even when you want to—isn't easy.

Instead of pressuring yourself to go cold turkey (and then hating on yourself when you slip up), try this:

The next time you get the urge to scroll (whether that's in the morning, during your commute, before bed, or anywhere in between), look to these ideas for what to do instead of social media. You'll save your phone's battery and re-charge your own. And over time, you'll return to the jaws of Zuckerberg less and less, without even trying. READ​

READ MORE POSTS ON ANALOG LIVING

​Things To Do Alone in the Summer​

GUEST POST ALERT! This month, I'm bringing you more words from different writers—this time, from Maja Krasnicka, a freelance writer based in London.

August may already be in the rearview, but for many of us, the days are still warm and sultry. (And btw, the first day of fall doesn't arrive in the Northern Hemisphere until September 22.)

In this guide, Krasnicka opens up about her solor summer and how she's been spending the days while her friends are on holiday with their partners and/or chilren. And though many of these activites were planned with summer days in mind, I think they'll be equally delicious with a cozy turtlneck in the crisp fall air... READ

READ MORE POSTS ON THE LONER MINDSET

Missed issue No. 007 of A Merry Loner’s Digest?

You’re not too late. Last month, I wrote about where to buy books besides Amazon, how to get better at doing things alone, and ethical tea companies that don't destroy the environment or their workers' lives.

I also shared a guest post from Janine Canillas: Feeling Alone in a Relationship: It's Not Always About the Other Person.

TAKE ANOTHER LOOK

📚 5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)​

As I mentioned, preparing for my Cyprus vacation meant stocking up on a few beach reads. My picks?

• Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors

• The Café with No Name by Robert Seethaler

• The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing

If I get through all of these in 10 days, I'll be more than halfway through the 9 books on my 2025 reading list. And because I'm trying to support local bookstores and not Jeff Bezos's wedding fund, I did my shopping at my favorite online bookshops that AREN'T Amazon. If you're curious, you can check them out here: READ​

🏠 Moving to a New City in Your 30s—Feeling Lonely in Your "Prime"​

As summer ends and fall nears our doorstep, I've been thinking about endings and new beginnings—as is the case when one decides to leave their current home in search of a new one. That search isn't always easy—and, somewhat counterintuitively, it seems to get harder as you get older.

The further we are from college, the further we are from a built-in network of (at least mostly) like-minded peers who are both within our age range and our geographic vicinity. Yes, there are literally millions of people living in cities, but unlike their dogs, most strangers you run into in the park or in a coffe shop don't see you as a potential new friend. You are the reason the line is slow. You are blocking their access to the outlet. You are not even noticeable.

In an honest, uplifting essay, Gavin Williams, a freelance health & wellness writer, reflects on his experience of moving to a new city in his 30s, facing the loneliness of starting over, and learning to create his own joy. No matter your age, this one is worth the read. READ​

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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there's much more to see at amerryloner.com

Solo summer activities you’ll love—no matter your relationship status.

I usually spend winters hibernating. Living in the UK, where you essentially experience six to eight months of gloom every year, I find my life energy reawakens with the return of spring and summer.

But this summer hits differently. It’s my first-ever summer living alone.

Since I’m in my early thirties, many of my friends are busy with their kids and/or are away on holidays with their partners, so I’ve found myself spending a lot of time alone—but I didn’t want that to stop me from making the most of these scarce, sunny months.

So I created a bucket list of solo summer activities. Turns out, there are plenty of things to do alone in the summer that are just as—if not more—fun to do without a partner or screaming babies in tow.

Are you on your own this summer? Soak up the sunny days with this guide of what to do alone in summer:

THE SHORTLIST: 8 things to do alone in the summer

1. Spend time in…

2. Attend…solo (even if it feels scary)

3. Learn a new…

4. Go to…

5. Take yourself on a…

6. Do something you’ve been…

7. Be a…

8. …out alone

how to enjoy the summer alone

This week, I’m sharing a guest post from Maja Krasnicka.

Maja Krasnicka is a project manager and freelance writer based in London. Her recent articles were published in Betches and Business Insider. In her free time, Maja likes to learn new skills, read, and obsess over interior design. Connect with Maja on LinkedIn.

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

• Living Alone as a Woman: Why Every Woman Should Live Alone at Least Once

• No Date? No Problem—A Guide to Dating Yourself

To making alone time joyful,
Merry

NOW GO ON YOUR MERRY WAY...

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Hello,

It’s Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life.

Last week, we talked about how to get better at doing things alone. If you missed it, you can catch up right here.

Today, we’re talking about what to do instead of social media so you can live life in the real world.

For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my ​7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

What To Do Instead of Social Media

Live what's beyond the screen.

It feels a little sad thinking about writing this, but such is life in the age of an in-your-face, 24/7 newscycle, look-at-me-aren’t-I-interesting influencers, and cat videos. Understandably, I think it’s safe to say we’re all a little addicted to social media — even those of us trying to ​live a more analog life​ with paper books and journals replacing excessive screen time.

But it’s not easy.

When you’re eating dinner, unwinding after work, or just waiting in line at the grocery store, for so many of us, it’s become a natural impulse to reach for the phone.

Even if we’re not looking at anything interesting. Even if we’re not really paying attention to what we’re reading or watching. Despite the lack of intrigue or real joy, it seems like we just can’t help ourselves. We. Must. Look.

But really, we don’t have to. We do have a choice to use social media less or not at all.

It may not be easy at first to abstain. That’s okay. It’s not your fault. ​Big tech companies literally spend millions of dollars lobbying governments​ and paying huge teams large salaries to make their apps addictive and to craft crafty algorithms that bewitch, beguile, and tantalize.

Don’t give up, though.

The ​power of good habits​ is real. While it may be hard at first to use social media less, the more you pay attention to your impulses and make small, daily efforts to replace them with healthier (and more enjoyable!) activities, the less you’ll even want to look at social media.

Because you’ll be too busy living life in the real world.

Start today. There’s no excuse. I’m giving you dozens of ideas of what to do instead of social media—and there are infinite other possibilities.

THE SHORTLIST: 34 things to do instead of social media

• After you wake up: meditate; stretch; journal

• When you eat: read a book; sit in silence; phone a friend

• During your commute: listen to music; read; do a puzzle

• At night: make a cup of tea; take a warm bath; write tomorrow’s to-do-list and today’s done list

• If you want to be productive: learn a new language; do a word puzzle; study geography

• If you want something creative and mindful: doodle; color in a coloring book

• When you’re bored inside: do a puzzle; try a DIY craft; bake something simple

• If you want to go outside but don’t know what to do: go for a quick walk; do nothing

• When you have just a few minutes to fill: do a five-minute stretch; look out the window; drink a glass of water

• When you need to zone out: play with kinetic sand or putty; color, doodle, or knit

• If you want to unwind before bed: stretch; journal; read

• If you want a hobby you can do anywhere:draw; learn a new language; play cards; knit

what to do instead of social media

MORE ARTICLES ON ANALOG LIVING

• ​How to Live a More Analog Life: 5 easy, cheap (or free) ideas​

• ​5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)​

• ​Books for Existential Dread​

To living life off screen,

Merry

I’m pretty happy being by myself. In fact, I would say I’m comfortably a 4.5 on the Five Stages of Being a Merry Loner. I’ve gotten to the point where going to the cinema with anyone else seems utterly ridiculous (it’s the least social activity imaginable), and there is not a shred of self consciousness when eating alone at a restaurant. Zilch.

So, you’d assume solo travel would be a breeze, right? Well, let me introduce you to my pal: anxiety.

Coping with solo travel anxiety

My love-hate relationship with anxiety (he is, in his own way, trying to protect me) began at an early age. I was the kid who got nervous at sleepovers, the one who fretted whether his toys were getting along, and above all, the one who really hated change. And guess what? As it turns out, travel is just one long exercise in change: new beds, new people, new daily uncertainties.

Despite all that, I’ve somehow managed to survive (and occasionally thrive) through two months of interrailing around Europe and half a year of navigating Turkey and Southeast Asia. In fact, as I type, I'm in the process of packing my bags to head back to Vietnam. All on my merry lonesome.

Whether you’re a proud loner or just Loner Curious, it’s still normal to be a little scared of traveling alone—but that doesn’t mean you have to let solo travel anxiety hold you back from your dream destinations.

Let’s go hand-in-hand through some of the top reasons people have a fear of traveling alone—and come up with strategies to kick your solo travel anxiety:

The shortlist: 4 strategies to stop being scared of traveling alone

1. If you're spiraling over all the what-ifs

2. If you've heard hostels are great—but you're nervous about staying with so many strangers

3. If you've got major decision fatigue when traveling alone

4. If you're overwhelmed by all the new sights, sounds, and smells

how to deal with solo travel anxiety

This week, I’m sharing a guest post from Daniel John.

Daniel is a freelance copywriter from the UK who spends his days writing words for brands across industries—from travel to automotive to mental health. When not working, you’ll most likely find him behind the lens coaxing cats into posing for the camera. You can see some of his professional work at danieljohncopy.com

More thoughts on solo travel and enjoying your own company:

• How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

• Solo Travel to Paris: Itinerary for Traveling to Paris Solo + 26 Things to Do Alone in Paris

• What I Learned Traveling the World Alone Without My Partner

• 21 Quotes for Traveling Alone

Subscribe for free. You’ll get:

Essays and guides on learning to enjoy your own company, written by me, Merry, or my enlightened cast of guest writers. No AI. No ads. Just thoughtful reflections to fill your cup.

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To seeing the world on your own terms,

Merry

I am tuned out of algorithms and doomscrolling and, instead, indulging in the slower activities I actually choose that stimulate my brain and my soul.

And it’s working. Because there is no FOMO, envy, or loneliness once you’ve learned how to enjoy your own company.

Have you?

Welcome to A Merry Loner, the blog about learning to enjoy your own company. I write about:

🌻 LONER MINDSET: fresh perspectives on learning to genuinely enjoy your own company

📚 BOOKS: reading lists for people who love being alone with a good story

🕯️ ANALOG LIVING: inspiration to step back from the screen and live a life offline

🧳 SOLO TRAVEL: guides on where to go and how to enjoy it alone

💚 MINDFUL CONSUMPTION: vetted recommendations for a simpler, less wasteful life

🤝 LONER Q&As: interviews from global voices on how to live a meaningful, enjoyable life

New This Month

5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)

I’ve already ranted about the problem with shopping on Amazon Prime and why I “broke up” with Jeff Bezos. In the 5+ years since I’ve cancelled my Amazon Prime membership and given the entire online store the axe, I’ve done a lot of research on where to buy books online other than Amazon. Turns out, it’s not that hard. It’s not expensive. And it doesn’t take extra effort from your end. But the social and environmental impact is real—and very worth it.

In this post, I share my top 5 favorite alternatives to Amazon for books—for everything from physical books, audio books, and ebooks to new and used copies with worldwide (free) shipping. I also share the 3 main reasons why I stopped buying books (and everything else) from Amazon and why you might want to consider doing the same. READ

Feeling Alone in a Relationship: It’s Not Always About the Other Person

GUEST POST ALERT! This month, I share words from Janine Canillas, a former stunt performer turned writer whose work spans TV, video games, poetry, journalism, and children’s literature.

In a deeply personal essay, Canillas explores why so many people still feel alone even when they’re in a relationship and the sad reality that many of us use unfulfilling relationships to avoid being alone with the thing we’re most scared of: ourselves. READ

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

There’s nothing wrong with craving company. We’re social animals and hardwired for community and connection. But when the presence (or absence) of others becomes the deciding factor for how you live your life, your life isn’t your own anymore.

Doing things alone isn’t lame. It isn’t embarrassing. And it doesn’t have to be anxiety-inducing. It’s a skill—and something you can learn (and get better at) over time. Yes, sometimes it feels awkward, especially at first. But every time you take yourself out (whether that’s for a dinner, a walk in the park, or a weekend trip), you realize that you’re capable of creating your own happiness. And that’s not loneliness. That’s freedom.

In this post, I share 5 simple ways to get better at doing things alone so you can do things on your own without feeling self-conscious, lonely, or like everyone is staring at you. READ

6 Ethical Tea Companies for Fair Trade Tea Bags & Organic Tea

Any tea fiend will tell you that a warm pot of tea is more than a beverage. It’s the gentle friend of difficult mornings, the balm for aching throats and breaking hearts, and the cozy companion for rainy days and quiet nights.

Some people really suffer to give us these special moments, though. The tea industry is wrought with exploitative labor conditions and nefarious business practices that take advantage of workers and our precious Earth.

There’s no need to feel guilty or pressure yourself to overhaul your entire pantry this afternoon. Just start small. One box of tea means a few more dollars funding sustainable farming, clean water access, or workers co-ops—and fewer dollars inflating Amazon’s shareholders’ pockets. READ

Missed issue No. 006 of A Merry Loner’s Digest?

You’re not too late. Last month, I wrote about taking a step back from the screen to prioritize life offline and recounted my many (many) ideas of how to plan a solo trip to Paris (my home for almost exactly one year).

I also shared a guest post from Isabelle Ravenna: Why Every Woman Should Live Alone at Least Once.

Take Another Look

Alone at Night in Paris—Where to Take Yourself on a Solo Date

August will mark one year of my living in Paris. It goes without saying that there are innumerable hidden delights to discover in this unique city. (If you want recommendations on specific spots to visit, I go into great detail in my Paris Solo Trip Itinerary.) But if you want a few ideas on how to take yourself on a date simply inspired by the Parisian atmosphere, I share four good ones here: where to take yourself on a solo date (Paris Version).

9 Books on My 2025 Reading List

The daydreaming is intensifying. In September, I will head to Cyprus for my summer vacation. For 10 glorious days, I will do nothing but swim, “hydrate” with Aperol spritzes, and laze in the sun and read, so I’m returning to my 2025 reading list to stock up on a few books for my trip. Because I’m in Paris and there are a few English-language books I have my eye on, that means I’ll be ordering online. But not from Amazon (because Jeff Bezos, ew). Instead, I’ll be ordering from one of my favorite Amazon alternatives for books.

A Merry Loner’s Community

I’m completely touched by the warm words readers have written me this month.

And In the Real World…

• I went on a five-day yoga retreat in the country. It was as blissful as it sounds, and I learned a lot. (Turns out I’ve been doing Chaturanga wrong this entire time.)

• My husband and I took a weekend trip out of Paris to Orléans, and it was equally blissful to stroll a quieter town, eat way too much, and sweat it all out in the hotel sauna.

• Because this summer is the summer of weekend trips, we also took a day trip to Chantilly, where I ate a bowl of whipped cream in the sun and felt no worries in the world could touch me.

To making the most of the warm-weather days,

Merry

“Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.” —Jack Kerouac

www.amerryloner.com

www.instagram.com/amerryloner

Not to be a bummer, but even a seemingly harmless cup of tea is steeped in big business, environmental desolation, and capitalist exploitation.

Tea has been a mainstay in my daily routine since early adolescence. I didn’t become a regular coffee drinker until college, when my go-to for surviving early mornings and dull classes was a large, dry cappuccino (sometimes with an extra shot of espresso if my soul was particularly suffering that day).

But even then, I still turned to my vat of piping hot peppermint tea to get me through late-night study sessions at the library. (Pro tip: I saved money by bringing my own tea bags with me so I only had to hand over fifty cents for a cup of hot water.)

Usually, those tea bags weren’t organic. While I grew up in a family that believed in regular exercise and three well-balanced meals a day, those meals typically comprised lean protein, frozen vegetables, and a standard rice, pasta, or potato product (thanks, mom!). Nutritious and delicious—but not certified organic.

It wasn’t until I started buying my own groceries and the like that I realized most of the mainstream crap we consume every day can have dire consequences on the environment and the safety and wellbeing of others.

In other words, as I entered early adulthood, became more interested in politics, and attempted to expand my worldview beyond my own tiny borders, I learned that even my simple cup of tea was tied up in the throes of big business, environmental desolation, and capitalist exploitation.

Dismayed and disheartened by the dark side of my morning Earl Grey, that’s how I found my way to ethical tea companies, i.e., ethical tea brands that prioritize environmental and social responsibility—ya know, like paying people a living wage and not needlessly wrapping every single little tea bag in a piece of plastic that will immediately get thrown away—and then haunt the Earth forever.

And good news: These brands aren’t prohibitively expensive. They’re not difficult to find. And they taste damn good.

After some careful research, I’ve weeded out the posers to identify six truly ethical tea companies that allow you to indulge in a delectable pot of herbal goodness—without the guilt of environmental destruction or poverty hanging overhead.

I also share why it matters where you buy your tea from and the importance of voting with your dollar.

The shortlist: 6 ethical tea companies for fair trade tea bags & organic tea

1. best for functional herbal teas

2. best for 100% plastic-free packaging (because why are we still wrapping each individual tea bag in plastic?)

3. best for a wide variety of flavors

4. best for organic, Ayurvedic blends

5. best for worker-owned, fair trade tea

6. best for loose-leaf blends

see 6 ethical tea companies

More articles on mindful consumption:

• Best Tea for Non Tea Drinkers | How to Start Drinking Tea

• 5 Alternatives to Amazon for Books (and why I no longer buy books from Amazon)

• How to Live a More Analog Life: 5 easy, cheap (or free) ideas

What does mindful consumption have to do with being a merry loner?

A lot, actually. I don't buy to impress, fit in, or keep up with the trends. Instead, I vet, research, and ruthlessly scrutinize brands and products so I only take home what truly adds value to my space and my life. Above all, I focus on buying less, but better.

Sign up for A Merry Loner's weekly newsletter, and I'll share my hand-picked recommendations on ethical brands, Amazon alternatives, and artful products that make life simpler, less wasteful, and more enjoyable.

You’ll also get notes about books , analog living , and solo travel —the pillars of the Loner Mindset .

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Happy steeping and sipping,

Merry

P.S. If you liked this even a small amount, please share it with a friend.

P.P.S. There's more fun to be had on ​Instagram​, ​Pinterest​, and (believe it or not) ​Facebook​.

Hello,

It’s Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life.

Last week, we talked about how being a loner (AKA being confident and comfortable in your own company) makes it easier to make new friends. If you missed it, you can catch up ​right here​.

Today, we’re talking about how to get better at doing things alone.

For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my ​7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge​.

How to Get Better at Doing Things Alone

When the presence (or absence) of others becomes the deciding factor for how you live your life, your life isn’t your own anymore.

I have always really valued my independence. Being an unabashed loner means I can do what I want, when I want, without waiting for other people to approve, text me back to make plans, or otherwise give me the green light.

But not everyone has a natural inclination to do things alone—and that’s normal. I’ve had friends flat-out tell me they would never even think of going out to dinner by themselves. Others have called me up to join them at the grocery store because they didn’t want to run errands alone.

Is there anything wrong with that? Nope. Spending time with friends is fun, healthy, and a key part of what makes us human.

IMHO, it’s only problematic when you feel like you CAN’T do something by yourself; when you’re dependent on the presence or approval of others to do the things you want—and you can’t act without them. For example, what if there’s a new restaurant you want to try, a film you want to see, or a weekend trip you want to take? But no one’s free, so the plan gets put on hold indefinitely as it’s simply inconceivable to think you’d do it alone.

If that’s the case, then it might be time to work on your ​loner mindset​.

ICYMI, the loner mindset isn’t about shunning others or being anti-social. It’s not even about being an introvert. It’s about self-confidence, self-esteem, and feeling happy, calm, and at ease on your own. Learning to achieve this is really the best gift you can give yourself. Because if you can be happy on your own, then you can do anything.

In this post, I share 5 simple ways to get better at doing things alone so you can do things on your own without feeling self-conscious, lonely, or like everyone is staring at you.

THE SHORTLIST: 5 simple ways to get better at doing things alone

1. ​Understand​ what’s really making you nervous

2. ​Start small​ with low-stress activities

3. ​Imagine​ the worst-case scenario (so you can prepare for it)

4. ​Remind​ yourself: no one is actually looking at you

5. ​Try again​ — even if you didn’t like it the first time

get better at doing things alone

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​Living Alone as a Woman: Why Every Woman Should Live Alone at Least Once​

• ​​7 Books on Self-Awareness to Become a Better Person​

• ​​​I Don’t Like Traveling Alone—But I Keep Doing It Anyway​

To your growing confidence and ability to find joy within,

Merry

there's more to see on amerryloner.com