First things first - sorry that I haven’t written more.

I get into a habit of saying ‘I MUST write once per week’ but then panic if I miss a week, feel guilty and stop altogether. Lol.

So from now on I’ll just write whenever I’ve got something to say.

To new subscribers over the past year - thanks for signing up despite the quietness.

Here’s a little re introduction. I write about:

• My mental health

• ADHD experiences

• Reflections on life

The purpose behind my writing is to connect and relate to anyone that reads it.

Not as advice or top ten tips or how to guides. But more a stream of consciousness from my singular, heavily biased experience - in the hope that someone reading may relate to just one point.

If you do, I’d love to hear from you.

Here’s todays stream of consciousness

So much has happened since you last read my stuff, it’s hard to pinpoint where to start.

• I turned 31 (4th June)

• I’ve had huge ups and downs with my career (made redundant, started own biz)

• I’m stuck in a rut

Why do I feel stuck?

Because I feel: disconnected.

• From close ones

• From the ‘norms’ of life

• From myself

Here’s what my feeling of disconnection is made up of..

1. Social

Whenever I’m out with friends, I have a voice in my head telling me:

You are NOT meant to be here

~ Inner Demon

Not in a dangerous way.

In a way where I feel like a spare part. If a social outing is an orchestra of beautiful instruments, I am the triangle (although I was sick at this in primary school).

Have you ever had sleep paralysis? That floating feeling of looking down on yourself but you can’t move. I have that same 3rd person feeling pretty much 24/7.

2. Myself / my life

My social disconnection feeling warps my perception of who I am, why I’m here, and what I am meant to be.

Now this could be a third-to-midlife crisis (everyone has those yeah??), but this feeling of constant disconnection has grown from background white noise to full scale hurricane in the past 3ish months, resulting in this thought:

My name is Jordan. I am 31. I live alone. And I literally don’t feel like a real person.

As Jez from Peep Show beautifully puts it:

Self deprecating humour aside, I’m going to try parse why I feel that way.

Not to lionize myself; to provide you some interesting reading, and more importantly to spark that familiar feeling of ‘someone finally gets it’ in your brain if you relate to something.

Here’s why I think I feel disconnected (not 100% sure yet)

My self neglect

I’ve gotten too comfortable relying on others for support.

I let my own self sustaining ‘good’ practises like therapy, socialising, and writing go because I got too dependent on others for validation.

I neglected myself. This is linked to..

My childhood (small trigger warning)

I experienced a childhood vacant of the emotional support I desperately craved.

One thing I am struggling with is to correctly label my childhood for what it was: emotional and sometimes physical abuse. I hate to even type it.

It feels like I’m grieving for the childhood I never had, and the support system that never existed.

Even TWENTY years later, the mental damage of my early life remain..

..and so bringing this back to present day: I latch onto others for validation that I matter, that I’m ‘worthy’ of existing, and that I can achieve things I want to do.

Because no matter how much I tell myself this, I don’t really believe it.

This all culminates into a strong cocktail of grief, sadness, loss, and guilt. It’s too much, and how does my brain cope? It disconnects:

What this looks like, day to day

• I live on autopilot, the same routine is comfortable

• Intense periods of sadness, for which I can’t pinpoint the source of

• Followed by numbness

• Occasional spit of happiness

You’re probably expecting a nice resolution or ‘heroes’ journey, but the reality is I am still in this state of disconnection right now as I write this.

So instead, I’ll share some things I am trying that have been helping (a little):

1. Reframing thoughts: ‘I feel disconnected’ → ‘I’m figuring it out. This is temporary’

2. Journaling: Started writing for 20 mins a day, no phone in sight - with a pen :)

3. Walks in nature: I recently listened to a podcast where they said ‘people don’t experience the feeling of awe enough in life’. So I’ve started walking to places with massive trees, or when the stars are out. That feeling of feeling small grounds me.

I’m still figuring it out. Some, all, or none of this may work for you.

Also, I’m aware this is all pretty heavy shit. My writing may not be for everyone.

But if you have read this far and feel like someone has spoken to you for the first time in ages - please let me know what they said.

Until next time 💓

My worldview of what it means to be a man has changed multiple times throughout my life. My most recent change has been more of a warping as opposed to a natural, healthy evolution, for reasons I’ll carefully and compassionately explain later in this article. First, let’s start with what my first introduction to what masculinity was.

Ages 8-18

My mum raised me a Jehovah’s Witness. I stopped at the age of 15 when I developed my first semblance of autonomy. I wrote about this here (include link), so won’t labour the point.

My first introduction to masculinity:

• It’s wrong to be anything other than straight

• It’s wrong to have confusing feelings about sexuality

• The man is the head of the house

These are all teachings of the Jehovah’s Witness religion.

Now, being 9 years old, my awareness was restricted to that of completing Halo 1 Legendary mode on Xbox. I didn’t know, nor care about masculinity. I couldn’t even make a crumpet.

Despite my unbeknown youthful ignorance, the teachings outlined above still morphed a small, but VERY impactful, part of the malleable grey matter in my brain.

It was wrong to be bi/gay. It was wrong to have confusing feelings and thoughts.

It was right to suppress those.

Unsurprisingly, and like millions of other teens, I did have confusion about my sexuality. Despite raising my conflicting feelings, I was met by a wall of rejection and cognitive dissonance from those that should’ve known better.

Confused manifested into apathy. In turn, my hidden internal perception of masculinity, and what it meant to me, warped into potentially self damaging thoughts. In other words..

• I must suppress my feelings

• I must be untrue to myself

• I must shut up and get in line.

Ages 18-29

Now, I need you to remember the reasons behind the warped view of masculinity:

• Rejection and/or intentional ignorance of coming-of-age feelings

• Pressure to conform to the standards and rules (straight, male-led masculinity)

What were the outcomes of this?

• I must ‘accept’

But what does this really mean? The nature of this acceptance is a belief that I am constantly on the wrong side, and that I must forever & always seek to rebalance my morale standing with a malevolent greater force in order to reconcile my internal sins - that manifested with confused feelings at 14 years old.

Of course, at age 16 I made my own way and stopped being a JW.

But this does not mean that my enforced servitude minded stopped. It just cleverly changed targets. Instead of an all powerful deity that watches your every move, it was social validation. It was safe to say I was an attention seeker from 18 years old. I yearned for social media validation via likes and comments - then in real life by opting to be the pinata of the party; downing drinks, getting paralytic, generally making a fool of myself.

Everyone has probably done this - whether consciously or unconsciously. But if my religion was anti religion and my god was attention, I was striving to serve Him no end.

Then I met my real dad for the first time.

I hadn’t met my biological dad once (since I was about 2 yrs old, but no matter how much veg I eat, my memory just doesn’t go back that far).

He got in contact with my mum, asking to meet me. So I did.

As I walked up to a skinhead man with a clearly aged & unset broken nose that was indicative of a life of annoying others to the extent of receiving a well-timed jab, I felt nothing. Just apathy.

It was awkward to say the least. They say that blood is thicker than water, but I don’t agree. The only bond I felt that day was to get back to my house and play Xbox.

We went to a local pub and he ordered us 2 OJs. We spoke, but I can’t remember what about. All I remember from that day is he got me a card for my recent 17th birthday with £100 in it.

It felt empty. 17 years of absence being reconciled with a 17th birthday card and some notes would be an absolute killer skit in a sitcom, wouldn’t it?

After we parted ways, I threw it away into a bush. I decided right then and there I didn’t want to be associated with this man with which my only connection came through shared genes.

I regret throwing away that card. On the one hand, I was apathetic - but also angry (work that one out psychologists) - that this was the best gesture he could come up with; on the other, I do believe in second chances and reconciliation. To a point.

I empathise with my biological father. I myself had and still have deep, internal hatred of myself and regrets (albeit, not as much these days, I’m working on it).

I understand - and if I were advising someone else - maybe I’d even suggest trying to reconcile. But it’s such a dangerous, unearthed emotional landmine for me that I can’t even think about meeting again, let alone make the effort to introduce him to my life.

I will one day. He FB messages me on June the 4th every year with a long message detailing how he’s off the booze & drugs, and wants to prove he can change. I never reply - I just archive it. This may sound cold, but I need more time.

I was just about to say my yearly non-reply isn’t out of spite. But that is a lie. It is partially out of spite. The toxic, masculinity driven part of my lizard brain thinks ‘you made me wait 17 yrs, you didn’t change then - now you can wait.’

I am aware this isn’t healthy. But I will change this in the next few years - for now I need to prepare myself on when & how I want to engage him, at the right time where my mental health is not ripe for serious negative repercussions. Soon.

I haven’t thought about that day many times since. But thinking about this now does give provide insight into how my view on my own masculinity changed after meeting my dad:

• Kindness and reconciliation is not possible - I do not deserve it, and you cannot give it to me

Age 29 - The Present

Trigger warning: assault / consent. Please skip if you do not wish to read. 💌

I have been struggling with something stealthily damaging, psyche breaking and a complete self-belief-mind-fuck for the best part of a year.

When I was single last early summer, nearly 12 months ago in fact, I was dating around. I met someone after going to a football match.

We went to a local pub. We had drinks. We went back to hers.

One thing led to another. It was fine, at first. But I got to a point where I felt uncomfortable / in pain whilst on my back and they were on top. I won’t go into details, and I was drunk, but I remember saying ‘stop’, or something to that effect.

And I don’t think they stopped.

It wasn’t as if I was weak, or not strong enough to move them off me. I was a 29 year old male that goes gym, can lift quite a lot, and had done some Muay Thai.

But in that moment I just… didn’t do anything.

This has been at the back of my mind for quite some time now. I didn’t even realise it until recently.

I felt weird the morning after it, but didn’t dive too deep as I had just started a new job. The life events were convenient in storing this event into a box with a big fat question mark on it.

In the last few months, my behaviour and internal thought processes have become more & more erratic and destructive. I have questioned my sense of self, identify, and masculinity. I feel emasculated and embarrassed.

I have rejected love & kindness from friends, family and my girlfriend. I have outright chosen to cultivate a dislike of myself and my life purpose, instead of accepting nurturing love.

It is only now that I link the above events to be partial contributors to my fluctuating self-beliefs. One minute I’m a demigod with the world at his feet, the next I am invisible.

The most confusing part about this all is self doubt. Being a ‘man’ and subsciously viewing masculinity through the prism of self blame and ‘being my fault’ means that even now, I don’t know if what happened was real assault. After all, how can I trust myself? Shouldn’t I just accept bad things - all because of those strange sexual feelings and rejections at 14 years old? And even if it was what I think it was, it’s not ‘as bad’ as the traditional media landscape view of assault, and / or my internal worldview.

I am aware that this is a flawed and untrue thought process. And I am aware deep down, that I know the answers to the above. The dreaded truth to my question. But the guilt, shame, and embarrassment of admitting I was a ‘victim’ is so great, I find it hard to address head on.

Me and my friends are so, so close. But this type of discussion just hasn’t come up before. A male experiencing a potential assault?

Obviously I know this can and does happen, but the fear of bringing this up and the potential subsequent response is too great to do directly.

Some of my friends are subscribers to this newsletter, so they’ll see this. I guess it is an indirect way of talking to them about a deeply troubling experience I’ve had. And it is also a self-therapeutic exercise in some ways too.

I’ve been wrestling with this. But it is only in recent weeks i’ve finally decided to address it more directly through a mixture of writing, therapy and self-acceptance.

I’m by no means ‘fully’ reconciled, but the first steps are underway. It is quite comforting to know that.

It is also quite scary posting about it.

What now? Great question.

I’m doing therapy regularly again, and trying to get to a place where I can reignite my self-love and ability to accept kindness without fear of condition.

And as I sit here, typing - I look around me. I am at my girlfriends in a South London flat. The sun is shining, and the windows are open. There is a ginger cat called Carlos curled up on the side. He is a beautiful menace.

Whilst navigating the stormy currents of reconciliation and masculinity reconfiguration, I take a deep breath and remember what is good in life - my prospering revived relationship with my mum; my strong group of friends; my loving girlfriend.

And LOOK at what she just made me. Mango with Tahin seasoning.

The little things.

No more choosing the addiction of self-loathing. A lot more acceptance of the good things.

Thank you so much for reading, and please remember these are just my personal experiences.

Have a fantastic Sunday.

I promised I’d explore this more in a second piece - so here it is. Albeit a little late. :)

Today we’ll muse on:

• Endings can be a natural, beautiful part of life

• They can also be melancholy and nostalgic

• Infinity would be boring

Some endings can be beautiful & sad at the same time

Toxic Jobs - a beautiful ending

Have you ever been in a job you know is not right for you, but you’re plugging away because, well, we need money to live?

Confusing comms. Micromanagement. Lack of trust. All of these factors can create a toxic work environment that takes its toll on mental health.

Add ADHD into the mix, and the constantly changing direction can become a shitstorm of frustration and confusion every single day.

Now think about how you felt once you finally left that job for greener pastures. Good, right? I think this is a beautiful ending for 3 reasons:

1. Escaping a toxic, draining job improves mental health & clarity instantly

2. It opens doors to other opportunities - both professionally and personally

3. You realise what deal breakers and things you wont stand for in future jobs

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What about relationships?

The nature of the ending depends on the relationship type:

Toxic - a good ending

For very similar reasons to a toxic job, escaping toxic relationships improves your mental health, opens doors to a freer life (single or with someone else) and of course, knowing your deal breakers in future partners.

But what about those middle ground ones?

Just fine, but run its course - a beautiful & sad end at the same time

Much like a broken promise that fades over time, sometimes 2 people just go separate ways due to different priorities in life. Can leave a lump in your throat, but also a nice treasure trove of memories to smile at. Helps you learn what you like / dislike in a person all the same.

Friendships - a melancholy end

I’m 29 now. I’m not friends with people I was with over a decade ago. Like ‘just fine’ relationships, friendships can slowly deteriorate into meeting 4 times, 3 times, 2 times, just once and a grand total of nil per month. Shifting tectonic plates of energy, maturity and differing friend groups cause this natural separation. Memories are safeguarded with a younger you, allowing you to ponder on all their surreality on a late spring afternoon when the sky is still blue at 17.52 PM.

Here are some good endings involving your brain

• The end of a negative thinking cycle, causing the start of a new goal or introduction of positive thought

• The end of your tether, after you say no to suffering a toxic job any further

• The end of a damaging mindset or unhelpful thought pattern that has become your new normal

Infinity would be boring, I think

Let’s do a thought experiment. You’re immortal. Let’s workshop the next 1 billion years. No ending in sight. Eternity. What would happen to your…

• Relationships: Maybe dating would move from Hinge to a completely AI driven matchmaking service that instantly teleports 2 people to a venue tailored to their needs. Would you get bored of loving? How would relationship / dating trends affect your romance over the course of a million years? Would the age difference of a one hundred million year old man/woman become problematic for a 40 year old?

• Mind: would you lose it?

• Purpose: how much of our purpose is meaningful because of our finite life expectancy? Does extending that for a billion years lessen that purpose and sense of meaningfulness because there’s no deadline? Maybe achievements would still carry a weight of value, but the length of time after - and consequently a generations fading memory of it, as well as your own - could indicate that endings give meaning to our actions in our 80-90 years on earth.

• Breakfast: what the f**k would you eat after a billion years?

Closing Thoughts

• What do you think of endings?

• What other types of endings have I missed?

• What would your breakfast be after a billion years of life?

I also spoke about my fear of things ending with my therapist this morning.

Shall we get into the weeds? (sorry, 12 years of corporate jargon)

“I find it hard to enjoy or accept nice things or people through fear of them being gone one day.'“

This was one of the first things I said to my therapist on Teams after a 3 months hiatus. But it’s not something I just thought on a whim - it’s been on my mind for some time now. It impacts my perception of relationships, professional work, and my own happiness.

I’d like to go down this rabbit hole in a 2 part article, in an effort to make sense of it, how it relates to the world, and what I’m trying to change. I hope to uncover some interesting and insightful nuggets of gold, that are still hidden behind the keyboard as I type.

So, what is the END of something?

“the final part of something such as a period of time, activity, or story” - Cambridge Dictionary

Like this sentence, for starters.

But also…

1. Apples have a shelf life of 6-8 weeks

2. Mortgages can last 40 years!

3. Life ends, obviously. The average expectancy differs per country

4. Each day has a finite end of 24 hours

My aforementioned fear is not of Granny Smith’s or the T&C’s of my mortgage, but of the intangible ‘soft stuff’ of life. Relationships. Values. Memories. Friendships. My brief surges of happiness & motivation.

But why?

It’s not uncommon that people find it hard to accept love & kindness from anyone - this could be down to a multitude of factors. After careful thought, I have trouble with this acceptance because in my mind, everything has an end date. It expires. Dies. Vanishes. Needs to be scrapped like a 2005 Ford Fiesta.

My line of thought then leads me to a nihilistic place where meaningful relationships can become a source of anxiety of me, namely because the thought of them ending (when there is no current indication of it doing so) is too painful for me to think about. My mind views it as a lose-lose situation as it’ll be gone one day, anyway.

It goes deeper. I’m desperately scared of hurting those I’m closest too via another depressive episode. I am not in any way in danger, just for clarity. But I am distinctly aware of my fear being centred around this thought - the thought of causing others pain with my mental degradation, one day. Right now, I’m good.

But how can I be 100% sure I won’t have a mental breakdown or suicidal episode in the next 50 years of life? How could I possibly, with a clean conscience, put any number of people close to me, romantically or otherwise, through such an ordeal? Rather than plan for every possible outcome in my remaining life, I may as well just cut off all ties.

Clearly this is flawed. I am aware. But it is a pervasive thought, so it’s clearly important to me right now.

This leads me onto another thought around my fear of ending. It’s not so much a fear of the thing ending, it’s a fear of how I will cope after the fact. Specifically, how I’ll deal with the ‘negative’ avalanche of reactionary emotions.

• A job loss

• A relationship ending

• A failed side project

• A loss of interest

All of these spark ‘negative’ emotions that I strive very hard every day in my life to avoid. This is because I don’t want to go down the rabbit hole of depression, which I think is quite reasonable.

But the internal boxing match I have with myself, which almost ALWAYS leads to me tapping out in the 2nd round, is not reasonable. I can’t run away from sad emotions. And I shouldn’t, cos’ on the contrary, they’re necessary. The fear of experiencing them is nullifying my ability to take pleasure in the soft stuff of life:

• Like the joy of receiving a gift

• The excitement of a new hobby

• The slow healing of true bonding in relationships & family

There will be sad emotions that come with these. Some may last. Some may end. Some will end. It may be a literal ending, or more of a slow, spiritual separation of minds. Or it may be thrown into an actual pile of niche hobbies you’ve accumulated over the years (I even tried to grow bonsai trees at one point).

But that doesn’t change that the preceding part happened. And it was great, and sometimes average, and maybe even shit & painful at times. But would you swap that for not experiencing it at all, just so you don’t feel sad or frustrated when it ends?

Hint: You’ll still get sad if you avoid relationships, hobbies, and other soft stuff in life. In fact, you may be even more so.

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So what now?

Accepting the now, and how

Clearly a good tactic is to try appreciate the now more, in spite of the fact things do indeed end. How? (this is more me talking to myself, but feel free to take notes)

• Write down 3 things you are grateful for

• Pursue your interests despite opinions of others

• Accept you have a fear of endings, and going for it anyway

• Go on big walks to help you contemplate your inner questions

• Your inner questions are the big, scary ones that you keep putting off by doing the dishes instead

• (Trust me I know)

• (But also trust me, walks help)

Surviving the biggest threat to life, ever

I said something to my therapist earlier that made me realise I could survive anything. I have survived multiple suicide attempts. This, for me, is the biggest threat I’ve ever faced. Forget losing a job or worrying about the cold on winter evenings, this is the big one. If I can face down a dark army and come out the other side, what can’t I cope with?

This thought in itself, is freeing. Suicide is something I wished I never experienced, but it is also a powerful reminder of my ability to cope. My logic is this:

1. I have a fear of things ending

2. This is mainly down to my fear of feeling bad or how I’d cope with said thing ending

3. I have felt EXTREMELY bad before and coped with suicide attempts and episodes

4. I am still alive, and doing alright

5. Therefore, my potential reaction / bad feeling to ANYTHING else ending will be coped quite adequately with, given I’ve faced the biggest boss of them all

Talking about this with my therapist teased this thought out of me. It’s quite interesting that I take such a heavy topic, and through an aha! moment, I’ve blended it with logic. It’s like creating a spreadsheet of compliments you give a lover.

Anyway. If my fear of things ending is down to how I’d react and cope with the fallout of the bomb, then this fear must be quashed immediately.

That fact hoses down the fear to a whimpering smoulder. My smile broadens as I realise this with my therapist, as I’ve finally got some agency to enjoy things more.

If I can cope with the darkest dredges of life, teetering on the edge of the universe willing myself to carry on, I can quite literally cope with anything.

Logic prevails.

What are your thoughts & feelings on endings? I’d love to know, so please drop a comment. :)

This was part 1 of 2. The 2nd piece will explore how the fear of ending relates to the wider world, specifically on these themes:

• Endings are a natural, beautiful part of lie

• Infinity would be boring

• Realising what really matters

Short post today. If you can’t tell by the title, I’m on deaths door with the flu. *cough cough, feel sorry for me, cough cough*

I still have the urge to write something. Despite feeling like an unevolved mollusc about to be eaten by a prehistoric squid, I’ve had a lot of time to think over the festive period.

So, here are some thoughts.

1. Being unwell wreaks havoc on me physically, mentally, emotionally and physiologically. Not surprising, I know, given the nature of illness. But I think it’s relevant to reinforce this point given ADHD already impacts my cognitive abilities when I’m at full health. If my baseline memory, energy levels, and executive functioning are already lower / frazzled, the illness adds a bucket full of mouldy cherries on top of the cake.

2. I feel lower in mood. If I were to put numbers on it, my depression is at 60% rather than the usual 30%, and my ADHD symptoms are flaring at 80% as opposed to 20-40%.

3. There are several negative by-products to this:

   1. As I am exhausted, I can’t kick the year off ‘strong’

   2. I feel of less value

   3. As a result, I feel sad

So let me share what’s helped, especially as someone with ADHD:

1. Walks around the block or in the local park have given me a boost in mood or energy

2. Writing down a few things I am grateful for

3. Reminding myself this is temporary

4. Taking 1 thing at a time. I get overwhelmed by life’s crushing admin when ‘normal’, so making sure I really, truly only do 1 thing at a time and keep my focus as small as possible helps e.g. the washing up, rather than worrying about the entire mess of my flat

5. Hot showers

Here are some positives that have come out of being sick:

1. Thought about my 2024 goals:

   1. Continue creating online start-ups and writing about mental health

   2. Make enough money from online businesses to transition from 9-5 to full ‘solopreneur’

   3. See a lot more of Europe

2. Reminded myself what really matters - family, friends, connections, travel

3. Fostering a quiet sense of motivation after this is all over

What about you…

• Any big or small plans for 2024?

• What are your creature comforts when sick?

• How are you feeling?

1. Not having one

2. At a friends house

Unsurprisingly, I enjoy the second one most. It’s testament to the calibre of my friends and their families, in that they are kind enough to welcome to me into their homes on Christmas Day.

But there’s a gap.

“Not having a Christmas?“

I’ve mentioned in previous articles that my mum is a Jehovah’s Witness. She became one when I was 9 years old. Life. Upside down. Etcetera.

Being forced into JW-land from ages 9-15 also meant conforming to all of their beliefs, not just door knocking and Kingdom Hall (their version of a church).

No Christmases, no birthdays. These were sometimes replaced by ‘present days’ at random points in the year. But that wasn’t the point, was it? The biggest problem for me wasn’t a lack of presents, it was feeling different and isolated. A ‘present day’ meant well, but ultimately made me feel lonelier.

Fast forward.

From my early 20s to my current 29 years of age, I’ve spent my Christmases at a friends house.

Now I want to explore 3 things:

1. How I feel about Christmas now, and its relationship with ADHD

2. How the feeling of loneliness in my youth still affects me

3. How December is a strange, difficult but insightful month

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How I feel about Christmas now, and its relationship with ADHD

• I’ve never ‘got’ it. It’s pretty obvious why. Never properly celebrating it as a kid means the significance and fluff around it don’t appeal to me.

• And I probably never will. I want to. Believe me. I wish so badly that I got excited by the thought of Christmas, but I think I’ve missed the boat. Never mind missed, I was on a jet-ski made out of bibles going in the opposite direction.

• This does make me sad. It’s like I’m looking from the outside. I yearn for the emotional connection. The vibe. The memories. I can put on a face mask to pretend I enjoy it, but deep down I don’t.

• I’ve missed a fundamental youth building block. It hurts. December excavates a barren hole in my heart, every year. I know it’s a man-made concept, but the genuine family togetherness around it is real, and this has always been missing. And for what? A cult-like religion that I eventually left when I gained a semblance of independence anyway? So, it’s not the presents. It’s the reminder of a childhood that never was and the parental connections that, despite being strengthened in recent years, will always be frayed because of irrevocable past events.

• What about ADHD? Generally, I can’t stand situations I’m not enjoying. Not really a ground breaking revelation I know, but someone with ADHD finds it extremely hard to tolerate irritating scenarios. I have theory that the Christmas black blot in my calendar makes me especially irate during this month (not excusing asshole behaviour). Thus, my sensory overload has an even shorter fuse at Christmas related events I.e. markets, seeing my family in December.

• I believe my negative ADHD symptoms are turned up to a piercing 10 due to:

  • My pre-programmed attitude towards Christmas;

  • The lost childhood;

  • The sensory overload of sights & sounds.

How do the past events of old still permeate my world today?

• Did you ever sing hymns in primary school? There is nothing more horrifying having to walk out of assembly due to my enforced JW beliefs. Bullying ensued. Loneliness.

• Christmas time at school was a non event. I had to self-exclude myself. My mum made sure of it by speaking to my teachers who would very helpfully and loudly say I can leave whenever a Christmas film came on.

• The link between past & present is clear…

  Here are some ways to cope if you’re in the same boat:

  • Think of the people you’re with, not the ones who were never there

  • Now think of 3 things you’re grateful for about them

  • Try to see the joy in other peoples happiness, rather than self loathing your lack of festive cheer (this is essentially a dialog with myself)

This got me thinking…

How December is a strange, difficult, yet insightful month

It’s clear now December is an automatic trigger response to my youth. It’s less of a month, and more of a big hairy monster with no daylight at 3pm every day. Before some deep introspection, this was a blurred fog. One of the best things about thinking, and then writing, is the therapeutic nature of it.

*Suicide trigger warning*

Apologies for the tone shift, but previous Decembers have caused me to attempt suicide. I tried in 2016. It was a dear friend of mine who saved me by taking me in for a few days. A month of festive cheer for some, it’s the complete opposite for others. I’m aware I am not the only human to experience this juxtaposition of emotions vs time of year. There are those of us that:

• Are reminded of past trauma around Christmas-time

• Have lost a loved one, and are spending the next Christmas without them

• Don’t have immediate family to spend it with

• Who live in circumstances where Christmas is not celebrated and feel left out

I am 2 out of 4 of these. There are people who will have experienced all 4, or 1. The key here is it doesn’t matter the reason December isn’t so kind to you.

I’d like to extend a hand out and offer the same kindness my friend did to me in 2016. If you feel sad this month, please reach out and we can have a chat. I hope to understand your situation to a certain extent.

One of the hardest bits of December is the rumination over what-could’ve-been in your youth. The family you didn’t have at the time. The friendships. The wishes and dreams. I am grieving for this part of me. And like with any grief process, you & I deserve to feel the full range of emotions that comes with it. It’s OK.

A letter to my young self around on this topic reads something like this:

‘Your future is brighter than your past. The best is still yet to come. You feel lonely now, but you will make so many meaningful friendships and relationships in your life. Just get through these next 5 years. I promise it will get better.’

Just because a childhood experience has been lost, it doesn’t mean the present is. Acceptance of where I am, recognising the achievements of my deep introspection, and feeling grateful for the people I have in my life now are all reasons to find happiness in December. New memories. New meaning.

I don’t need to make up for the lost time. It was a lesson, albeit a hard one, that has made me excited to make better memories today.

Questions to You

• How do you feel about December?

• What lost memories do you grieve, and how do you feel about them now vs 10 years ago?

And finally, if you find December difficult as well, please reach out to me if you want to chat. 😊

This is because of a low level anxiety I’ve felt for weeks now. As you can imagine, having such a physiological response for an extended period of time can wear you down in all aspects, most notably motivation to write. And creativity.

I want to use my last months challenges and thought pattern as inspiration for a case study on load management, dealing with anxiety, the ying and yang of ADHD, and my relationship with existing. This is little bit of everything in one. What’s most freeing is I’m just typing in free flow - no structured plan, no outline. Just thoughts.

Let’s start with the anxiety. Why has that been the undercurrent of my life lately? I think a few reasons…

Overcommitting. In true ADHD fashion I have started various side projects that seem like shiny new toys. I call this the magpie syndrome. But it’s so shiny! :(

What’s the link between this and my increased anxiety? Not feeling like I’m hitting self imposed goals, and being restricted by imaginary deadlines and dates in my head. Guilt. Shame.

But in reality, not writing on my usual Tuesday / Friday schedule or finishing a new website I’m building isn’t going to ruin anyone’s day. So why is it affecting me so much?

I think it’s because I’m setting personal goals that I must achieve against certain deadlines. My plate has then become too full. I underestimated my mental capacity, and I’ve reverted to my usual self disciplinarian actions as a result. I’m giving myself a mental detention each day.

Obviously this isn’t helpful. Obviously. So why do it? Good question.

Writing has a magical way of formulating stormy thoughts into a well organised tea cup. It’s my passion. I love it. But lately anxiety has paralyzed me to the extent that I couldn’t bear writing one word. For example…

I missed my usual December writing schedule.

Ahh Jordan you idiot!

I haven’t written in 10 days..

Ahhh Jordan. WHY?!

I realise now these toxic thoughts need to be actively dismissed. I can do all the meditations and walks I want, but real action means facing them head on with positive challenges.

Asking why several times can help.

After some critical thinking, I had a new realisation. I’m feeling this way and chasing novel things to do because I’m thinking about my place in this world, it’s giant machine like processes, and the impact (or perceived lack of) I’m having. I have some existential doubt.

What do I mean by this? Well.

I’ve been writing about ADHD and other mental health topics since September. People seem to like it. I also have a steady job and my own place. Things are ‘OK’. Yet, I’m scared. My actions and lifestyle are good in the perception of todays society, but does it matter? I don’t mean that in macabre way, I’m asking objectively.

There’s a classic debate on free will vs determinism. Free will being we have complete agency over our actions and make them of our own accord; determinism being everything is cause and effect, to the degree that if you really think about it, we don’t make any choices of our own free will, as a very specific set of factors means the outcome was inevitable. It’s a bit of a mind fuck.

Whilst my belief is somewhere in between both, the context of my thought patterns over the last month have been heavily in the I’m-so-small-in-this-world-and-each day-can-be-a-right-slog-what-does-it-all-mean camp.

I don’t have a solution for this. Now, I know the best course of action is to just enjoy life and have a good time, but I think there’s something else I can do.

Stop dancing to other peoples drumbeat, particularly in my 9-5 profession. As I’ve gotten older (and started writing more), I’ve realised I’ve lost my spark. I love writing, but I don’t make a living from it. I make a living from doing shit that I don’t (actually) care about.

What?!

The thing is, I literally can’t just up & quit. But I can very slowly start to replace some parts of my life with things I enjoy, and things that light the spark back up. I guess you wouldn’t chop off your foot if the shoe was too small, right? You’d start shopping for bigger shoes.

Before any practical, tangible changes - looking for a new job, or pursuing a career in writing - my mindset needs to be inspected first. Accepting that life is like this, and we’re here for 80 plus years is my first action. This will take therapy, unless you’ve got any tips?

Second is to stop assigning meaning (or lack thereof) to everything. Doing this stresses me out, particularly around looking at the long, never-ending stretch of days ahead of us. It doesn’t seem to end. Surely this isn’t it?

Stop.

I want to welcome the randomness from now on. I want to introduce some sparkles of excitement in my life. I’ve started to learn programming to do this, so I can build a website about writing. It’s my passion after all.

This WILL take time. So the third thing is accepting my current situation with a 9-5, and the occasional dip in positive thinking for a bit.

To help this, I also need to stop overcommitting (aka magpie syndrome, shiny objects!). A quick stop and check before jumping into something fancy and new, and asking myself:

Will this put undue stress on me in a months time?

or..

Does this align to my core values?

My core value at the moment is doing stuff that will help me slowly transition to doing what I love for a living - writing and programming stuff. Anything else is just noise.

OK, what about the deep undercurrent of questioning my existence? A bit more on this…

My Evolving Relationship with Existing

• As above, I’ve had some doubts about how meaningful my achievements are in the context of mine and everyone else’s existence

• The doubts I’ve had / still having are really around feeling overwhelmed by the complexity of the world, and not feeling I’m contributing in a positive way

• For me, the fear of not ‘adding value’ means the unwanted consequence of being insignificant

• If I really go deep, value is defined by my perspective. One mans trash is another mans treasure etc etc. Right now I’m looking out the bus window and thinking ‘nothing I do means anything’

• When in reality, that’s the beauty of it. If we are a small speck in the grand scheme of our cosmic lifespan, doesn’t that make us really important? I’ve got another 50-60 years of living. Opportunity in abundance. Maybe a better thought is ‘everything I do has value from my perspective, and it sometimes help or entertains others’

Ying & Yang of ADHD

• Sometimes I love having ADHD. It makes me unique, and it also helps me understand my thought patterns and behaviours, and improve certain situations if needed. If I’m going down a rabbit hole of worry, I know I can sit back and think ‘actually, this could be ADHD working against me. Time to take a break to reset’

• The not so helpful aspect of my ADHD lately has been not feeling ‘normal’ compared to societal standards. Frustrations at not having as much social battery as other people, or my senses being overwhelmed in certain scenarios. Why can’t I just be normal? I say.

• The current ADHD medication stock shortage is fuel to the fire as well

• All of this has blended with the existential worries I’ve had for a steady supply of anxiety and paranoia

Coming out of the other side of a 4 week panic is always cathartic. I’ve accepted that I will have ‘down’ periods like this, but there are some actionable lessons to be learned:

1. Write worries down. Even if you aren’t a writer. It helps (and thank you for reading and listening to my rambles)

2. Remove workload. Adding shiny new projects to work on is good in the moment, but can make things haphazard and chaotic. If you are in a down period over winter, considering stopping a few things to ease your mental strain.

3. Spin the narrative. I try to actively catch myself thinking negatively about something. Once I’ve caught it, I try to introduce a positive alternative e.g. nothing I do has value > a lot of the stuff I’ve done has helped people.

God. I feel better now getting that off my chest.

As we continue into the darker nights of winter, it can be hard to keep your mood up. I’m interested in tips others in the same boat use to help. Do you have any?

I am also stopping paid options for ADHD & me. Everything will be free, and I’ll still produce all of the extra stuff, but with no paid gates. I don’t feel right charging for this genre of newsletter. I will leave the option to pay as a choice for anyone that feels like supporting ADHD & me. But if you want to stay free, be my guest.

Part 1 (this post) is a written piece, followed by Part 2, a podcast piece for paid subs. I’m splitting this out to be more inclusive of readership (i.e. those that prefer to read rather than listen, and vice versa) and to expand more on the ADHD challenges and symptoms in the podcast episodes. Sometimes words are better!

Today’s focus is on handling sensory overload in 2 scenarios:

1. Festivals

2. Going shopping (in real life)

Today’s focus 👇🏻

Let’s start with festivals 💃🏻

I love festivals. Typically, the more I like a situation, the more I can tolerate any intruding sensory overload. I’d much rather be at a gig / concert / festival than an all day meeting.

Shock.

Nevertheless, big crowds and thousands of simultaneous voices can stir the sleeping beast out of its slumber every once in a while. Here’s some challenges, and how I cope.

I went to Glastonbury this year. Unsurprisingly it was BUSY. Between seeing acts, there was a shifting seabed of people trying to go in 8 different directions at once. Gridlocked. I felt the panic stir in my chest, as my senses were quite literally overloaded. Let’s break it down:

• Visual Clutter:

  • Problem: thousands of people in my eyeline morphed into one giant land mammal with thousands of arms and legs. And eyes. It’s a well known ADHD symptom that visual clutter can short-circuit the brain.

  • Solution: If I’m honest, the only reprieve was getting out of the crowd ASAP. I took a couple of breaks every 3 mins or so near a food van, or where there was some space to rest. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and anxious, finding the nearest metaphorical exit sounds like obvious advice, but it’s true. Taking this into a smaller social setting where leaving isn’t a good option, go to the toilet cubicle and breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. It’s great for calming oneself.

• Hearing Havoc:

  • Problem: Imagine 10 people whispering and shouting in your ears at the same time. 100s of thousands of words assaulted my eardrums, forming a horrible partnership with the visual barrage on my cognitive function.

  • Solution: If you’re in a festival scenario, it can be hard to escape noise. If you’re stuck in a crowd when there aren’t any acts playing, try to focus on one sounds. Don’t resist it. Accept that one sound. Some good ones to zero in are the sounds of people talking, the hum of food vans, or distant music in another part of the festival. Feel your feet / steps on the floor - start mentally counting them; and finally, put some earphones in if you have them. In smaller social settings, follow the same advice as the Visual section above. 👆🏻

Now for… shopping 🛍️🙀

I wouldn’t wish a U.K. Primark Sunday shopping trip on anyone. It’s ripe territory for triggering sensory overload. Lots of people. Lots of noise. Lots of harsh lighting. Let’s talk about the challenges and solutions:

• Let’s go to war with your ears:

  • Problem: Sound is produced in an enclosed area by other stressed families and people trying to get their shopping in. There’s also the beeps of the till, screeching tannoy announcements, and the general hum of a shopping trip. And crying kids. All of this can really stress me out.

  • Solution: Timing can help. A Tuesday 3PM shopping trip will be better than Sunday afternoon - if you work from home and can get away, try changing up the times so that the volume dial isn’t so high. If you can’t do a midweek day trip, maybe early on weekend or later in the night is a better preference.

• Irritating movements:

  • Problem: It honestly feels like Formula 1 trying to bob & weave in between shopping carts, stray children and suddenly stopping families, as if they just used the emergency brakes. I sometimes have a short fuse to being irritated, and this is amplified with my other senses that are being attacked.

  • Solution: Timing your shopping trips to the quieter parts of the day is sound advice again. Other than that, try to slow yourself down by 10-20%. Sometimes, the fact I’m so frantic about leaving ASAP means I’m the one stressing myself out due to ‘braking’ too late around shopping aisle corners. I’m like a really anxious road runner. If I just slow down, I may not nearly hit 7 different trolleys. Phew.

That’s the write up of Part 1 done. I’ve had a splitting migraine today, so forgive me for its shortness.

How is your experience with festivals and shopping trips? Any stories and tips you want to share? Let me know!

The Part 2 Podcast expanding on the above comes out tomorrow! 🎙️

*As always, this content is based on my own personal lived experience of having ADHD, depression & anxiety in the working world, and I am not a medical professional. I recommend speaking to a GP with regards to the appropriate diagnosis and treatment.*

Trigger warning: this article discusses suicide, depression, anxiety, and ADHD topics in depth. I understand if some of these topics are too heavy for you, and you decide not to read. In that case, I hope to see you in the next post. ❤

It’s March 2020 - the first lockdown is in full flow. I wince as the first sign of affection from my mum dovetails on me like a bomb from the other side of the phone call. It had been years since we hugged or expressed affection to each other, let alone me share how I’m really doing.

How are you?

It’s an innocent question that yields an honest response. How am I really doing? It’s more of a formality in the U.K., rife in professional and personal environments (think work socials, seeing a mate, seeing your parents). Yet for me, my mum saying these words, accompanied by ‘I do love you Jordan, I worry about you’ broke, repulsed and warmed my heart all at the same time.

This article is about coping mechanisms, their interaction with ADHD, and how they’ve affected me personally. Our crutches are a mix of helpful, not so helpful, and grey. I’d personally say not being able to accept love from those close to me is somewhere in between. I’ll dive into this more shortly, but first let’s define what coping habits are…

What are coping mechanisms?

Here’s the official definition according to the Collins Dictionary.

“an adaptation to environmental stress that is based on conscious or unconscious choice and that enhances control over behaviour or gives psychological comfort.”

An adaptation to stress. Much like millions of years of evolution have optimised living species to adapt to their environments and survive, those of us that use coping strategies do it to survive in the harshest of psychological stress. Think of a time you’ve been anxious in a social setting. What did you do?

• Check your phone more to look busy

• Take more breaks outside to get some fresh air

• Sit in the corner and stay quiet

• Take on your fears and say one sentence to someone

• Leave

All of the above are micro-evolutions to help us adapt to a self-perceived stressful situation. I’ve done all of these multiple times. These can be helpful.

Other times you may check your phone because you can’t stand being alone with your thoughts. I do this. You may resort to extreme comfort thoughts of suicide at the presence of a minor inconvenience. These can be not-so-helpful.

However, coping mechanisms aren’t just restricted to physical, tangible situations. Deep rooted emotional triggers pop up out of seemingly nowhere. Our mental safety net has been breached, and learned response behaviours are initiated. These ones can be somewhere in between (grey).

How do they interact with ADHD?

Supercharging coping mechanisms with ADHD can be a recipe for obsession and destruction, but it can also be helpful. It all depends on the habit and the type of ADHD. I tend to be more ADHD inattentive dominant, and I check my phone a lot naturally, so when I feel anxious I go into overdrive and try to double focus on my phone to keep myself from having to socialise or talk to people. This isn’t helpful for me. Let’s talk more about my specific coping mechanisms below.

What are my coping habits?

Helpful

• Gym: This is my safe space where nothing else matters. I’ve also started Muay Thai which helps clear my head when I’m feeling overwhelmed with life - be that work, personal or anything else.

• Positive Self-talk: This helps when I’m feeling low or even nervous before a work meeting. Next time you’re in a similar situation, try to think of just 1 thing you:

  • Are grateful for (a sunny day, a friend, your partner)

  • Are looking forward to (a holiday, writing an article)

  • Have achieved (10k steps, writing 20+ blog posts, etc.)

The little jolts of positivity will breed some confidence in you.

Not-so-helpful

Self talk

• There are 2 sides to my self talk. Think of it like popcorn. Once I think of one bad thing, or feel guilt in response to not achieving something, more bad thoughts appear. They multiply like popcorn. The self-inflicted melancholy is strangely addictive. Feeling sorry for and viewing myself as the wounded protagonist of the story is temporarily soothing, but destructive in the long term. Self-talk is tricky. I have to catch it before it veers off into a path of toxicity, and readjust to a positive lens before it’s too late.

Casual suicidal ideation

• I sometimes have an extreme automatic coping response to adversity. Didn’t get a job I wanted? Messed up a social situation? Didn’t go to the gym? Despite these seeming like minor to medium inconveniences, I’ve built the idea of suicide as an escape route if things get too hard. Now, I won’t act on these in the moment, but it’s a dangerous path. Just like the popcorn bubbling up, a suicidal ideation can lead me on to darker & dangerous thoughts that my mind may warrant as a greater threat. The threat to myself then increases. I theorise that this automatic response is through years of battling depression, anxiety & ADHD, and viewing it as a get out clause in case it all gets too much.

• My emotional compass can be wildly off. The dial is near earths core and is spinning uncontrollably. What next on this? Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve dealt with this automatic response for so long that I feel I have a good enough handle on it. Typically I’ll go for a walk, talk to a friend (I’ve done this recently) or go to the gym. The feeling then subsides.

• There is a taboo around suicide as an all of nothing term, but it isn’t. There are grey areas with most things, suicide included. Ideation, whilst dangerous, is earlier in the decision tree than action. For me, my best course of action is:

  • Noticing it in the first place. This is key. Awareness of me thinking such an extreme reaction to a seemingly minor challenge helps illustrate the absurdity of it (although I don’t berate myself for feeling that way)

  • Accepting it. Sometimes these thoughts pop up. But they’re just thoughts. If I don’t feed the beast, the popcorn will stop multiplying.

  • Distractive action:

    • Go for a 15 min walk

    • ‘Delay’ my thoughts and agree with myself to think about this in an hour. The thought usually disappears, or I even forgot think about it!

    • Ring a friend / family

    • Go to the gym

Rejecting love, a grey area

Let’s pick up where we left off.

‘I do love you Jordan, I worry about you’

I cringed inside. The coping mechanism was trying to protect me from the feeling of losing my childhood and my mum to an overzealous, but well meaning, religious way of life. As I spoke about in my article ADHD & Me, my mum became a Jehovah’s Witness when I was 9. My life was a loveless desert for about 6 or 7 years following this. Little did I know, my brain decided to build some mental infrastructure to prevent me from feeling that way again, but it had malfunctioned.

Fast forward 20 years later. Whenever I receive kindness from family or friends, I reject it outright. I believe this is down to moments of affection triggering the inner child in me, who had built these coping mechanisms to live without love. Now there’s a bug in the system, that wants to hug me?! I must squash it!

Much like you’d install anti-virus software to clean up a laptop, I’ve been trying to cleanse my coping mechanism hard drive of deep rooted viruses that made my mind their nest literally decades ago.

‘I love you too mum. Actually, I’ve been struggling lately. My depression is quite bad because of the lockdown at the moment.’

The coping mechanism is fighting for its life, determined to protect me. I don’t hate it, Jesus, I even appreciate it. I think it’s both quietly tragic but also amazingly self-sacrificing for my brain to be putting up walls. I understand it. It’s just…. not the way I need to go anymore. I wipe a tear from my face, in the realisation of the love I have for my 9 year old brain, still clinging on to save me from that desperate loneliness.

I feel a sense of grief as I part ways with this piece of myself, but also a deep gratitude and relief as I quietly rock that part of my neurochemistry to a restful and permanent slumber.

‘We’ve moved on now. Let’s try and accept love. We have to.’

As that compartment of my brain dials down, I turn my attention back to my mum.

‘I want to be open with you. I said I’m struggling, and I.. tried to take my life over the last few years. I’m sorry.’

‘Please don’t be sorry. Obviously it’s hard for me to hear, and I know we haven’t seen the same on all things before, but I’m glad you told me, and I’m here for you. I love you.’

Sometimes we need to understand why coping mechanisms crop up, get to know them, talk to them, and appreciate them. And slowly write a letter of love before moving onto a new evolution of yourself.

Your future self will be grateful.

‘I love you too mum’.

*All of the above is based on my personal experience and is not official medical advice*

Review Criteria 🔍

1. User Interface: Is the app easy to navigate? Is the aesthetic simple, pleasing and not overwhelming? 🖥️

2. Effectiveness: How well does the app help in managing my ADHD, anxiety or depression symptoms? 🎯

3. Features: What features does the app offer? Are they unique or better than the other app? 📱

4. Value for money: What free or paid options are there? What is the difference and is it good value for the cost? 💰

• TL;DR = Too Long, Didn’t Read

• The amount of ⭐s I use to score apps is subjective. What works for me may not work for you!

Subscribe now

The Why

For new subscribers, I am reviewing this as a 29 year old male ADHD-addled iPhone user, but it will be applicable to Android users too. The benefits for you? You’ll gain valuable insights into which apps could be your ally, and which ones you may want to pass on! Let’s dive in…

Last time out, we looked at Evernote and todoist. Today, I’ll be looking at Dypt, another to do app that is tailored for ADHD folk. I connected with Dane on Twitter, and he introduced me to his start-up. As someone with ADHD, the fact it is a solo venture, and that he’s designed it’s functionality with ADHD folk in mind, peaked my interest. I wanted to compare this against the other So, let’s get down to it…

Introducing…

Dypt 📱

Is a task manager and to-do list app that helps you become focused, organized, and calm, with the added benefit of image capture (coming in the paid version) and AI assisted task generation. 🚀

TL;DR Review (quick summary)

User Interface:⭐⭐⭐⭐

Effectiveness: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Features: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Value for Money:⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Overall: 19/20 ⭐

Which ADHD symptoms does it help? ⚡

• Improving simplicity when planning goals

• Reduces forgetfulness with reminders

• Reduces brain fog

• Reduces task paralysis

• Improves creative spark

Bonus scenarios ⭐

• Planning Project Management tasks

• Capturing actions post in person meeting

Deep Dive Review (for the details people)

User Interface: 4/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Layout:

• It’s easy to locate what you need. Simplicity is Dypts secret weapon. So many to-do apps have multiple features sitting outside of their main function, which ultimately is ‘to do’. And Dypt has that front and centre. Excellent to reduce visual sensory overload that crops up often with productivity apps.

Customisation:

• No options to customise yet. Personally, I love the dark theme, but given its infancy, other features had to be prioritised by its owner. It’s on the runway though!

Design:

• Sensational landing page, clear direction on what it gives you, and visually pleasing purple and black colours. The screenshot above is what you see upon logging in, again utilising it’s easy on the eye design to bring your tasks to life.

• Icons appear when you add notes to a task, meaning the visual stimuli keeps an ADHD engaged, and also helps you keep organised… 👇🏻

Effectiveness: 5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Staying Organised:

• Tasks can be prioritised in order of importance, and notifications can be enabled to remind you to complete them. You can also select multiple tasks at once, meaning the chances of getting bored trying to tick off each tasks 1 by 1 is reduced - good for us who have short attention spans.

• Has a calendar which shows the tasks you need to complete. This helps reduce feeling overwhelmed at not knowing what your week looks like - something I get due to ADHD.

Completing Tasks:

• No bloat. Just do. Dypt’s mission of being laser focused on removing fluff and having a simple, visually pleasing to do list available straight away when you log in, means it is effective in reminding you what to do. Reminders of upcoming tasks, ability to add notes to each one, and being able to share as a link with others opens up the door to collaboration, context and proactive task completion.

Features: 5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

You can access all core features in the free version. And it’s RICH with them, without leaving its core purpose - help you do stuff:

• Change Updates & ADHD angle: a unique feature. The fact that Dane has built this from the ground up as a solopreneur, and has engaged users and the ADHD community for feedback means the updates are short, concise, easy to read. The personal touch mixed with the ADHD blog creates a personal connection between me and Dypt / Dane, in the comfort that the features are designed for us folk. Read Dane’s ADHD blog here. The fact he’s written an article on ADHD and task paralysis shows an understanding of our challenges, and builds assurance in Dypt specifically makes our lives easier - something I can attest to

• Adding notes: useful to reduce forgetfulness

• AI task generation: another game changer. Eliminates brain fog and helps you start somewhere which is a problem I encounter with ADHD. Useful if you want to do something, but the task feels like a woolly mammoth. Let’s break that down into smaller, cuter mammals. There’s AI templates to help you do specific things; Shopping List, Packing List, Suggest Sub Tasks, Suggest Ideas. If you struggle to remember what to pack, do this 👇🏻

Pack for your holiday (even used hols to see if it would recognise this as holiday)

• Sharing / collaboration with team mates: not just for solo use, it can be shared with writing partners, colleagues or friends you’re working a project with

• Wider community task inspiration to copy templates: This is unique again. Another way to tackle brain fog, you can take inspiration from the wider Dypt community by copying other users task structure

• General task management: You can copy, move and search via text for tasks, as well as filter by title, deadline, status, priority and archived. My only ‘even better if’ would be the ability to sketch in app, as this can keep it fresh and engaging

Here’s the general layout that shows some of these features:

Value for Money: 5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Everything I’ve reviewed comes at no cost. It’s all free. And it will stay this way. When comparing to other apps that lock some features behind a paywall, the value for money is the best I’ve seen.

I’ve also spoken to Dane directly, and he has plans for a paid version that will not change the current free access. Considering there’s no cost involved to access all of the above, I’d put this above mainstream corporate to do apps.

Overall: 19/20 ⭐

• Dypt’s ADHD tailored features and design earns the first ever ADHD & Me Recommendation in this series.

Which ADHD symptoms does it help? ⚡

• Improving simplicity when planning goals

• Reduces forgetfulness with reminders

• Reduces brain fog

• Reduces task paralysis

• Improves creative spark

Bonus scenarios ⭐

• Planning Project Management tasks

• Capturing actions post in person meeting

Subscribe now

And that brings us to the end. Have you had a different experience? Anything I’ve missed? What apps / criteria do you want me to review next time? Do you want me to do something differently? Leave a comment or reply via email!

Stay tuned for the next App-solutely! review in December! 📆

*Disclaimer: this review is based on my own personal experience as someone who has had ADHD, anxiety & depression for 15 years. Please make your own judgement on how well these apps work for you, as I am not a professional, but a 29 year-old man who wants to make sense of his muddled mind!*

ADHD Made Me Do It

ADHD Adventures in the Remote Work Wonderland

Hello fellow cultivator, Last month, Jordan Moloney and I collaborated on a post discussing how our neurodiversity affects our ability to work from home, both positively and negatively. However, during the process, we realized that a single post would not be enough to cover all the topics we wanted to explore. So, we decided to write another post on the same subject…

Read more

3 years ago · 1 like · 1 comment · Asmita Puri and Jordan Moloney

You can find Part 1 here, if you fancy a double header of remote working self-care and productivity tips. ✅

I’ll be posting another📱 App-solutely! post tomorrow, this time reviewing the Dypt to do list app, first mentioned here.

I also write about tools I’m building to help ADHD folk and newsletter authors alike here, if you’d like to follow along for free.

That’s all for today. See you tomorrow!

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Glaring eyes (that were most probably not glaring) at post event drinks & dinner, with randoms who I’ve never spoken to.

I thought. That’ll numb the senses.

Fake smiles, fake conversation, fake meaning. Those are my mantras for any work related social / 3 day bonanza event. But if you have a 9-5, you’ll likely have to attend one at some point.

It just so happens I did in Morocco. The heat was unbearable, especially with the sensory sensitivity amplifying the irritant of wearing chinos and smart shirts.

So, here’s 3 challenges and solutions I encountered on a 3 day overseas work event in searing heat.

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Challenge + Solution #1 - Maintaining Energy

Problem: Sinking energy levels aren’t just restricted to those with ADHD, but it can certainly be a constant problem. An imbalance of dopamine in the brain = less motivation = less energy. Managing this in 30 degrees can be even harder, as heat can naturally make you feel sluggish.

Example: I sat in a massive, stuffy conference room with 500+ people, watching the various speakers and presentations, jacked up on coffee and trying to doodle my brain into alertness. Head nods soon arrived.

Solutions:

1. Water. Obviously. But for someone with ADHD, hydration is only one part of the remedy.

2. Walks. Sometimes I just have to accept I’m not going to be as lucid and energised as others. So, I took frequent breaks and did a quick lap of some of the resort.

3. Interest based alertness. Ever sat in a meeting and felt your eyes shutting? It’s likely because you didn’t find the subject matter enthralling. This is partly down to just not being interested. Why would your brain want to dedicate its precious gray matter to the next 60 minutes? Something I tried to circumvent my tiredness is look for 1-3 things I can learn. Examples:

   1. New interesting facts

   2. Things you could apply into your day job / side projects (you’d be surprised how transferrable advice is from seemingly disparate topics)

   3. Questions that you don’t know the answer to - get the thinking juices flowing!

Challenge + Solution #2 - Shirts + Heat = 😫

Problem: This is a very specific one. Think of a really itchy jumper / shirt. It’s polyester. Now think of being in a sauna.

Example: I had to wear a Tuxedo for a black tie event on the last evening of the work trip. It was lovely to be fair, but I was extremely physically uncomfortable. Sensory sensitivity also means sensitivity to materials - shirts, shirt tags, cufflinks, slightly-too-tight belts - anything that isn’t warm & cozy basically.

Solutions:

1. Cut labels off before. No one will know. No more skin rubbing.

2. Buy ‘performance’ formal shirts. It may take a little longer to find in a shop, but if you can find a nice shirt that isn’t made out of stinging nettles, it solves half the problem at the source. Breathe.

3. Focus on the discomfort. I know it’s a bit of a weird one, so bear with me. You’re already uncomfortable, you’ve rolled your sleeves up, undone your top button and got some air. It hasn’t worked. It’s time to stop resisting. Mentally fleeing from an irritant can make said irritant worse. Spend a few minutes sitting in the discomfort, acknowledging it, and accepting it. You can try this with unpleasant sounds as well.

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Challenge + Solution #3 - Social Anxiety

Problem: It’s now time for the after work social. You’re overwhelmed by a sea of unknown faces and complimentary drinks. Anxiety sets in.

Example: Being fairly new (1 month) at a company, I felt the grip of social anxiety set in at the open air drinks in the hotel. Looking for escape routes. Looking at my phone. Looking at a random star in the sky.

Solutions:

1. Make a goal to speak to 1 person. And stop there if you want to. But if you can ask ‘so what do you do?’ once, that’s a success in my eyes.

2. Take a breath. Walk. Focus on your breath. Name 3 random objectives in the room / event. It can ground you.

3. Leave. You are allowed. Corporate shackles around our ankles are easily breakable. You can literally just call it a night and leave (given it isn’t a funeral of some sorts).

So, I want to know:

• What are your corporate social coping strategies?

• Do you agree / disagree with any of the above?

• What’s your failsafe line when you run out of conversation?

Enjoy the weekend!

Thank you for being a subscriber! (Or if you aren’t yet, you can click the button below) 😉

See my content schedule for November below! As always, posts will be every Tuesday and Friday (but only Friday this week, it’s been very busy at work). 📆

Week 1

• (Free content) Friday 3rd 🔍 How to survive a day in the office with ADHD

• (Paid content) Sunday 5th 🗣️ 1st episode of Corporate Files: a brief audio on a time I felt very awkward at work at a black tie event, how I overcame my fear, gained confidence, and turned it into a positive (will also include an ADHD Quick Guide that’ll be useful for people who get overwhelmed at big events)

Week 2

• (Free content) Tuesday 7th 🗣️ Perspectives: 2nd edition of an interview with : catch-up on the first one here!

• (Free content) Friday 10th 📱 App-solutely! Review of the Dypt app, first mentioned here.

Week 3

• (Free content) Tuesday 14th 🎉 Release of the first 3 ADHD Quick guides to use in the workplace - covering Project Managers, Analysts, & Client Service roles

• (Free content) Friday 17th 💌 Deep Dive into ADHD & Coping Habits

• (Paid content) Sunday 20th 💭 2nd episode of the Corporate Files: I’ll be talking about how companies can make their workplace and culture inclusive of people with ADHD, and also how to tolerate unfriendly work environments

Week 4

• Undecided! Let me know what you want in the comments, or I’ll see where my keyboard takes me.

A final ask

Please click the below link and subscribe for free to the No Niche newsletter I’ve started on Beehiiv, where I take on a new niche every 3 months whilst working a 9-5 job.

No Niche Newsletter

This is relevant to ADHD & Me, as my first challenge is learning programming, with the ultimate goal of building a web app that gives newsletter owners a central place to connect with others to co-author, interview, and guest post pieces! No more manual emails or messages to writers or scouring social media forums asking to co-write a piece.

Subscribe for free ⏬

No Niche Newsletter

Even after the first challenge, I’ll continue to learn programming so that I can build time-saving tools for newsletter owners and ADHDers alike!

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Let’s dive in…

Motivation & Setbacks

JM: Tell us a bit about yourself and the motivations behind your Substack, and your goals for writing? 

DE: My background is in music. I have been working in the music industry in LA since moving here in 2006 from Ireland. I have always enjoyed writing, song writing, poetry, etc. But my motivation to start a Substack stemmed from a dark time in my life.

After a series of unfortunate events, personal loss, and betrayal, I fell into depression, which quickly became chaotic without my realizing it. I was binge drinking and numbing myself with drugs, and this all came at a time when things were really coming together for me in my career and business endeavours.

I go into detail about a lot of this in my first two posts on my Substack, .

There were a couple of reasons for those initial posts. One was because I was tired of repeating the story regarding my business when friends and colleagues would ask me about it.

I also felt my clients and others should know about the situation, and honestly, as much as I didn’t like the negative aspect of it, and that being my first posts, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. The support I received was amazing, even from people that I would have considered to be more connected to the other side of it. 

The biggest thing for me is sharing the lessons I learned from that failure in the hope that it will help prevent others from making similar mistakes.

Challenges

JM: What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in the last year and how did these affect your mental health?

DE: The past year or two, I have mostly been challenged with reconditioning myself, my thought process, my habits, and getting my business and career back on track. Picking up the pieces from my period of self-destruction.

I also became a dad, and that has been the most amazing life experience to date. It comes with its own set of challenges, but all are welcome. I have a whole new purpose in life now, and before anything else, he comes first. It really puts everything into perspective. I learn something new every day from my 1 and a half-year-old, Duke!

Catalyst for Change

JM: What are some coping mechanisms / strategies you used, and how are you now feeling these days? 

DE: In the midst of all the madness, one morning, I woke up alone in a hotel room, and, I kid you not, I think I had only been there a day and a half, maybe two days. I looked around the room; there were 20 empty bottles of wine, 3 empty bottles of whiskey, and a table full of white dust.

That was the moment I knew it was either snap out of it or die. I knew right then and there that I was going to change everything. I made a pact with myself that I would never go back to this place in my head.

So I started to communicate with people, get back on task, fix my personal relationships, and move forward. I simplified my life in as many ways as I could. It took time, and it's always a work in progress. I think that's just life.

It's amazing what you can do with nothing but a clear head, a pen, and a notepad.

I will be talking about this particular moment in detail in one of my upcoming posts. 

New Beginnings

JM: You mentioned about a start-up to me previously, can you talk a little more on this? What can we expect to see from your content writing and your start-up in the next 3 months? 

DE: I’ve started a few things in the e-commerce space this past year, and I have been excited about that and working on scaling it. I started my first store in April and have been having consistent growth ever since.

The project I mentioned to you is a start-up-based community with a very unique twist. I have been talking to other founders, entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, VCs, athletes, and influencers about this, and many have agreed to come on board in some form or another. 

I am still ironing out the mechanics of it all before we open the initial community to the founding team, and then I want to build it out in public from there. But at the very basic level, the aim is to help and support budding entrepreneurs and founders at the idea stage.

The concept goes way beyond this, though, and I am excited to get it moving and announce it. There are many communities out there, but I am planning to add a very beneficial twist to this one.

Reader Tips

JM: What are 3 insights you’d share with others who may have experienced recent challenges similar to yourself? 

DE: Address your challenges one by one in difficult times. Masking your problems and using substances to block them out and forget about them may be a temporary band-aid, but ultimately it prolongs the real progress that needs to take place.

When everything changes, change everything. Sometimes you need to recalibrate, and it may feel like everything you've ever known is no more, but this is a phase shift in your life and a time to embrace new beginnings.

As I mentioned above, a clear head, a notepad, and a pen—these three things we all have access to—have been the catalysts for the majority of the world's greatest inventions.

And now you have AI! My latest addiction! It enabled me to do so much in such a short time with my e-commerce store. I encourage others all the time to take advantage of it and not miss the boat; this is like the internet all over again!

Thanks for having me on my first Substack cross-collaboration; it's been an honour!

Big props to Dean for being so open and honest about his challenges and coping strategies. Stay tuned for the second interview on Dean’s page The Bounce Back in November! And, remember, subscribe to his page. 😉

App Recommendation Corner

Whilst I have you here, here’s are some apps to help with organisation and quick video creation:

1. Dypt - Smart List in Your Pocket 👉🏻

Ever had a mind blank when writing a to-do list? Dypt can help. Created by Dane Poyzer, Dypt is not just another list-making app, it’s tailored for people with ADHD, as it can intelligently suggest actions based on your prompts. Really helpful for brain fog.

Big shoutout to Dane for bringing a gem into our lives. You can find the app here.

2. Typeframes 📽️

Also if you’re a startup enthusiast like Dean, you may like Typeframes, a website which creates snappy marketing videos for you in less than 5 minutes! Check it out.

Whether you’re in UK, US, Canada, Australia or South Africa, you’ve most likely got on a train before. I don’t love the commute to work. Do you?

Behold! There are ways to make it more bearable if you find it overwhelming (ADHD or not)! Read below for an insight into how ADHD makes morning train rides difficult, and what you can do to cope.

Problem #1: Sight

Have you ever opened your laptop in the AM and been blinded by the lights? You may have winced and turned the brightness down.

Last week when I went in for my office day, I bundled onto the train looking my usual disheveled self (messy hair, panting, internal temperature of 1000 condensed suns) and upon stepping into the static light of the train carriage, I felt like a kidnapee who’d just been discovered by a flawed-but-brilliant detective from a Nordic-noir police drama on Netflix. The searing light from the train ceilings actually hurt my retinas - a giant, mobile laptop screen if you will (except you can’t turn it off).

Visual sensory sensitivity is real and is backed by research.

Solutions

• Sunglasses where possible. It can be useful to don your shades in non-winter months. If you’re not conscious about looking like a hitman on December winter mornings, wear them when it’s cold too. If you’re not bothered, you can also go for an eye mask all year round on the train.

• Acceptance. Sometimes it’s easier to just accept you aren’t going to be comfortable for however long the commute is. You don’t need to do any world-changing brainstorming or pre-work emails, just melt into your seat (or standing position) like a fried egg.

Problem #2: Sound

Train wheel screeches. Tannoy announcements. 20 different conversations at once. Beeping train doors. This is the infamous London tube throat roar (don’t click this. No really, please don’t).

I’m convinced that no one likes these sounds. These are amplified to the next level with sensory sensitivity (I’ve found myself in physical pain around certain sounds, whereas my friends seem to be just fine).

They also scramble my brain. Any coherent conversation I’m having will turn into garbled mess or stuttering. The person I’m conversating with usually looks at me like a cat just started talking.

Solutions

• Headphones or Earplugs (noise cancelling if possible). Why wouldn’t you replace crushing mechanical gears with the pleasantries of your Spotify? Even if you don’t fancy music, noise cancelling headphones work as a nice cushion to your auditory enemies.

• Different train times. If you have the flexibility and rapport, asking your manager to start at a later time so you can get a later train can reduce the busyness and chance of feeling overwhelmed (by all senses).

Problem #3: Smell

Without triggering you with too much detail, there’s unsurprisingly an abundance of delightful smells present on morning train commutes. Again, this is backed by research as a real ADHD symptom.

If unpleasant odours make you scrunch up your face like a Jack Russell being offered some lettuce, then try…

Solutions

• Mindfulness. I know. ‘Jordan, this doesn’t remove the smell of stale cigs or body odour permeating my cognitive abilities’ BUT, and bear with me, I have tried Headspace before, and there is a specific one on dealing with the morning commute. It talks you through sitting and accepting the smell, as opposed to resisting it. Let me explain:

  When I was 14 years old, I was bodyboarding Cornwall with my family. Suddenly, I felt a pull on my body from the water - if you’ve ever been stuck in an undercurrent, you’ll know the panic I felt. I struggled, flipping and flapping to swim forward to the beach shore safety, but this only served to increase the oceans grip and weaken by fortitude. It was only after remembering some random surfers advice on YouTube rabbit hole, that I relaxed. Stillness. I stopped thrashing and waited calmly. Predictably enough, the ocean unraveled its hand, and a fresh wave surged me back to safety. 

• My point is this - the more you resist an unpleasantry, the more invasive it gets. Sitting and accepting the metaphorical ocean of strange odours reduced my discomfort. It wasn’t all roses and perfume sitting in the train seat, but I was able to tolerate it. Headspace or any other mindfulness apps usually have a commute specific exercise you can do to induce acceptance.

• Avoidance (where possible). If the above doesn’t work, it may be better to remove yourself from the scene of the crime. If there are other seats, or even standing spaces, it may be worth trying your luck (this can be applied to being sensitive to lights and sounds, too).

What do you think?

• What’s your experience with sensory overload?

• What are your biggest morning commute bug bears?

• What has helped you manage these in the past?

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That’s all for today! Keep your eyes peeled for an interview with this Friday!

Remember, I’ll be releasing job and social specific ADHD Quick Guides to help manage difficult situations where symptoms are at their worst (sensory sensitivity included). These will be free.

I’ll also be releasing a solo podcast series called Corporate Files where I’ll discuss my personal work experiences more in depth. You can get access to these by upgrading to paid, but the first few will be free. You can read more about this and all of the other content coming in November here.

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Disclaimer: these tips are based on my own personal experience. I am not a medical professional, so please explore the appropriate official medical channels if required.

Time. Let’s talk about time. The tick of the clock, the swing of the pendulum. Time. Runs too cold in boring corporate meetings about operational efficiency, runs too hot when your parents grow one year older. It crushes and constricts, lengthens and elongates, capturing in stillness those moments of nostalgia. Time. Through epochs, moments, phases, periods and generations, time has witnessed many a great hero and villain and everything in between that were and will be made on its canvas. Epic stories and great vastness’s of boredom are spun within its infinite confinements - Time. 1 hour. If you could seize 1 hour from its clutches with your younger and future self, what would you say? Tick tock.

Our relationship with time can warp and change from each decade of youth. I’m 29 years old. Let’s do some math.

If the question is: what would you say to yourself in the past and in the future? We should revisit the below ages:

Past

• 9 years old

• 19 years old

Present

• 29 years old

Future

• 39 years old

I apologise for the numerically inharmonious series of 9s - you could’ve had a nicely rounded and sequential 10, 20, 30, and 40, but alas, I’m a summer baby (June) and sometimes time and ADHD don’t mix well.

Let’s look at the below:

• What was I like?

• What was my relationship with time?

• How do I see that now?

• What would I say to them now?

• How has ADHD played into time?

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The Past

9 years old

Unbeknownst ADHD at the time, I was the classic misbehaving cheeky archetype. My primary school teacher, Mrs. May, called me ‘Slick Rick’ on account of my tin tin style quiff.

It’s hard to nail down exactly how I perceived time at this young age, but I remember it being a dreamlike state. A hint of surrealism whilst I ate my porridge every morning, which had a distinct sickly sweet smell of honey and raisins. I’m aware this may be because of the imperfection of memory, and how the evocative moments are sometimes best remembered with a hazy gloss that paints the picture rosy or grey. Do you have nostalgia tinted spectacles for the past?

I see this period of my life as completely removed from me. As we’ve gotten older, haven’t we all felt that we’ve lost some of our innocence and joy in the simple things sometimes?

The best way I can describe not feeling connection to my childhood is those bizarre dreams where you’re Tom Cruise or some random celebrity, then you wake up and it slowly dissipates. I feel like I popped into existence as a fully grown bloke with a moustache, and the innocent wistful memories I can recall were implanted there, like in Bladerunner.

Is this a case of time obfuscating the memory? I’m not a neuroscientist, so I’ll leave research to the experts, but I do have some insights to tell little old me.

‘You’ve got ADHD, mate.’

I look up, confused. Why is a moustached man talking? He does have a bum chin like me though, so I’ll listen.

‘If you feel uncomfortable or feel like you’re pretending to be like other people to fit in, it’s OK. You need to do that to mentally get through the next 5 or 6 years. This is what’ll make you who you are though, so embrace it. My one bit of advice would be to take a few breaths before getting angry.’

…

‘Also bet on Arsenal to be invincible in 2003/4’

Let’s fast forward a decade from ‘Slick Rick’, where my perception of time changed dramatically…

19 years old

I spoke extensively about my experience with the trinity of mental health that is depression, anxiety & ADHD here, so I won’t labour this point too much. It is relevant to some degree though, as intense bouts of mood swings -high octane creative pursuits followed by deeply unpleasant downturns- chopped and changed my perception of time.

In the high moments, time felt restricted and squashed, which in turn made my behaviour more erratic and frantic. As an example, I’d start one project (writing for an online magazine funnily enough), before kicking off a number of other mini side quests due to my creative flow being in full flight. This was however underscored by an anxiety that I was running out of time (at 19!?) which impacted sensible decision making.

Now for the low. Winter months, rejections (another core aspect of ADHD for some people) and imposter syndrome at work knocked me off the height of the roller coaster into the mines of melancholy, and time slowed to a crushing halt.

• Day 1 - I can get through the next 5 minutes

• Day 2 - this is painful

• Day 3 - how many days are there?

• Etc

• Etc (cont. for 10000 bullets)

Have you felt the same? Naturally we all have sad moments, but what about the big long stretches in between? Apathy. Passiveness. BOREDOM. The musical notes of time drops to an infrequent single piano key that strikes at a random time of the day - and you can barely hear it.

We all talk in highs & lows and good & bad times, but the meandering silence in between can make the clock of life seem like 15 back to back marathons:

• When am I going to get promoted?

• When am I going to get buy this or that?

• When will I get a dog?

What would I say to him now? My 19 year old self would almost certainly see the physical similarities between us, albeit the ‘filling out’ of adult faces does mean I look quite different now, which is normal.

‘The boredom and mediocrity between the good and the bad should be welcomed. Right now, you’re going from good to bad to even worse and good again too quickly. It’s not your fault, but take comfort and relax during the in-between periods. Do some mindfulness or go for a walk and look at the trees. Just chill mate.’

Another decade passed, bringing with it more clarity into my relationship with time…

Present Day

29 years old

My memories of 9 and 19 are skewed. As I said before, they don’t feel like my reality but rather some obscure multiverse in the heart of Basildon, a grey melancholy town I grew up in that has its own name on a Hollywood style sign.

Knowing I have ADHD has helped me manage time better for specific situations. I set alarms 3 minutes before a meeting, when I leave for a social, or when I want to finish writing an article. Knowing my diagnosis means I have little tactics that help me manage time in a more bite sized way. I’ll share them with you at the end, but first I want to paint a picture of how ADHD interacts with the passage of time.

How does ADHD affect time?

• Elastic Time Perception: imagine you’re at the airport, but your flight is cancelled and you have to wait 4 more hours. It feels like forever. Time ‘flying by’ when times are good and the inverse when boredom strikes isn’t a novel belief, but it’s especially pronounced for ADHDers. Having to do a 5 minute task that isn’t interesting can feel like hours, but being engrossed in something you like can make 4 hours feel like 5 minutes.

• Past, Present, Future: the ADHD brain often lives in isolation, and finds it hard to consider past or future influences and implications. The past can feel like a reality that you experienced in a dream, with the future being a blank canvas you have no idea where to start with.

• Procrastination/Time blindness: Not laziness. But rather an inability to accurately gauge how much a time will take. This can also mean things take a lot longer or shorter than you anticipated.

So how can we improve or understand our experience of time more? We could…

1. Use time on important things more: relationships, friends, passions. For me, I spend too much time seeking validation or just mindlessly scrolling.

2. Appreciate the good times with presence of mind. It’s a classic saying:

• but it’s true. I get scared that the good times won’t return again every year me and my friends get older - as if there is a ‘good times’ CEO who’ll decide to stop manufacturing them. How can we change that thinking? Personally I can breathe the autumn/winter air more deeply and see it crystalize and evaporate, and I can listen to the sounds of crisp leaves and tiny crunching rocks under my shoes more. The senses. They’re the key.

• On a more fundamental level, I can recognise exciting plans and look forward to them. Spending time anticipating the good time is a good time in itself! I’ve started to think of one thing I’m looking forward to every morning, and it applies a pleasant filter to the day.

How do you want to use your time in the next month?

Now for a quick fast forward to 2033.

Let’s Talk The Future

39 years old

One sad thought I had in the opening paragraph is the relentlessness of time with regards to my parents. I’m sure we’ve all had this feeling. The march of their aging years sneaks up on us like a thief in the night - sudden pangs of panic and realisation that we haven’t done enough to be closer to them whilst being around. Theres a positive. It’s hastened me to spend more quality time with them whilst I can.

To talk about what I’d say to my future self, let’s discuss the past some more.

I know the feeling of experiencing a faux childhood is false, as there were significant moments of joy that I access like a treasure trove every now and then. I spoke about the Dragon Hoover here, but another core memory I have was going to Colchester zoo with my family, where I had the best time with my siblings, parents, and grandparents (and parrots who were sick on me).

Time and memory has an effective way of highlighting formative memories like this when a dash of sensory stimulation kindles under your nose. Ever been reminded of a person or memory with a waft of perfume or aftershave? Watch as your brain fires up some nostalgia for your (dis)pleasure.

Then as time went on, the relationship I had with my parents became more strained from early teen years to 20s. I put this down to being in close physical proximity every day, and not having the time or space to be my true self.

Moving out at age 24 changed that. The frequency of my interactions with my parents has reduced, but the quality of the time I now spend with them has increased 10-fold. Time x Space = Room to grow relationships.

Time and…

space.

So to my 39 years old self, I’d say:

‘I hope you’ve spent meaningful time with mum & dad over the last 10 years. I hope you can look back on a collection of fonder memories that act as a softener on the regret and fractious childhood you had.‘

‘I also look forward to experiencing your change in mindset to work and being ‘good enough’. Right now I’ve been at an extended crossroads moment, where my love for writing is sometimes strangled by a 9-5 corporate job. I know I want to transition, and I think 10 years is enough to do it.’

It’s interesting how talking to our future self is really just goal setting and seeking clarity of our own values. As above, there has been a tectonic plate shift to my inner layers, particularly on my priorities and what I want to do long term. However, we still need to earn a living. So a slow, accepting transition into our desires can be preferable over an impulsive pivot.

What’s your view on time looking ahead? I look forward to it more than when I was 19, and it feels more real than when I was 9. I’m not regretful of my younger selves, as the novel experiences they had has helped me view time as a useful tool and canvas today. I’m somehow nostalgic for future memories that haven’t been made (if that’s possible). You’ve had many formative experiences. They’ve stretched out over marathons, as well as brief, wistful moments that vanished in the wind.

So, you now find yourself in the Glastonbury carpark. Time is smiling devilishly at you. But this time it’s different.

This time you smile back.

I’m curious…

• What would you say to your past and future selves?

• What’s your experience with time? And has it changed?

• What are you looking forward to in the next month?

Please tell me your stories and experiences in the comments, and share wider!

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Also, here are some time management tips (for everyone!)

1. Prioritise and Break Down Tasks: What’s 1-3 of the most valuable things you can work on today? Then divide larger tasks into smaller steps.

2. Use Timers and Set Deadlines: Employ techniques like the Pomodoro method and set specific deadlines, even for tasks that don’t have any.

3. Limit Distractions: Create a dedicated workspace, use concentration-boosting apps, and consider noise-cancelling headphones.

4. Establish Routine: Maintain a consistent daily routine and use visuals like whiteboards or sticky notes, to map out tasks. Change it every now and then though.

5. Seek Accountability and Reflect: Share your goals with someone for check-ins, even if it’s a quick call or WhatsApp!

Curious about Paid benefits? Click here.

P.S. I know I’ve betrayed you. I said in my October content schedule I’d be releasing an article on Social & ADHD tomorrow. But when the inspiration hits, I can’t stop. More to come next week, look out for a Perspectives piece with !

You may have come across an animated fish with ADHD in mainstream media? AND YOU DIDN’T KNOW?!!!!!

Shocked as I’m sure you are, you’re asking yourself:

“how can I spot the signs in future so I can start consuming films/series in an alternative yet engaging perspective, Jordan?”

Let me help out. I’ve spent a couple hours on my day off (with a cold, get the violins out) analysing how accurately ADHD is represented in media for kids and adults alike. Sometimes they get it right, sometimes not so much.

This article gives you a novel approach to observe symptoms in a way that doesn’t involve staring at random people in the street.

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Back in a post earlier this month, you voted for me to look at Dory in Finding Nemo as a starter, our animated fish comrade👇

I also looked at Jez from Peep Show (after my 8th rewatch). For any non UK readers that haven’t seen this British Sitcom, I HIGHLY recommend it!

Here are some key takeaways…

Finding Nemo

1. The child in me relates to Dory’s memory issues. Homework. Attendance. Getting ready. Stuffy school shirts. Clip on ties. Books & stationary. Etc. Etc. School was such a grinding crush of admin which was not exactly conducive to my unbeknownst ADHD at the time. Dory has trouble recalling details (yes I know she’s a fish), but was able to recall certain memories when the outside world prompted her, such as sights, smells or sounds (of whales). I had many a ‘Dory’ moments in school, and felt I was just born to be forgetful, yet certain external factors do vividly remind me of things too. Which song reminds you of a certain memory?

2. Nemo’s dad is a lot of the adults from my childhood. Despite being overprotective, Marlin doesn’t quite understand Dory’s forgetfulness or general inattentiveness. As a child, this mirrored the majority of grown ups around me at home and in school - a lack of understanding, combined with myself not knowing why I was like I was, made for a strong cocktail of self-doubt. Marlin does come around more in the end though! By experiencing a lack of empathy and knowledge from my supposed role models, I was ‘Stockholm Syndromed’ as a kid, this means now I sometimes get irritated by others that display neurodiverse tendencies on occasion because they’re ‘a nuisance’ or ‘too loud’. I’m sometimes like Marlin.

Hang on. Pause for thought. What would the 12 year old me say?

If an adult took the time to understand my behaviour a little more, and just asked:

that would’ve meant the world to me.

It would’ve helped simmer down the anger and frustration inside me. I don’t want to blame everyone else though, the perception and awareness of ADHD in the early 2000s wasn’t the same as now.

With the increased positive reception to ADHD today, it’s a great time to flip the script and show understanding to kids and teenagers who seem to be ‘problem kids’ on the surface. Active listening, sincere questions and increased knowledge of ADHD can help us understand our Dory’s a little more. Cos they're special, and can bring unique perspectives if we don’t shut them down and let em’. 🫂

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Peep Show (this ones a little more concise, I know you have a day job and I’m on annual leave)

1. I see myself today in Jez’ chaotic wandering mind

2. and his impulsivity…

3. and his inability to focus…

4. am I Jez?

Have a watch of this and then stream Peep Show if you haven’t seen it.

Final Thoughts

If you encounter a Dory or Jez in everyday life -whether adults, teenagers, kids- or notice it on film/TV, try to remember this article.

I think there’s an opportunity for me to show a little more grace and empathy to those I sometimes instinctually dismiss, without knowing the full context of their life. Many people have the empathy, but knowledge is the key. The latter is what I’ll keep giving you via ADHD & Me.

Whilst I have you here…

Exciting change is afoot

I am introducing an optional paid subscription at £5 per month for ADHD & Me (about £1.25 a week, which is the same as a third of a latte in London. Maybe not in Mayfair). I’ve also included a discounted annual payment option of £37.50 which is live until the end of 2023 - more details here.

Why? I will be investing time into creating additional podcast episodes, handy resources, and web apps that will make a difference to people who want to be a little more organised and a little less overwhelmed day to day (I do also have a 9-5!)

I LOVE sharing my ADHD experience and tips, and will continue to do so with no change to the free content, but I also want to build tools that will give you a great return on investment when used in day to day life.💥

I want to stress again: there is no change to free subscribers and content, you just might get some extra emails from me sometimes - I’ll show you how to switch these extra ones off before paid content starts in November. ADHD & Me will always provide free insights, perspectives and deep personal essays. You’ll continue to get these in the regular Tuesday / Friday posts, just like normal. *chefs kiss*

If you’re curious and choose to become a paid subscriber, starting in November this is what you’ll get in addition to the free content…

ADHD Corporate Files - Podcast Episodes and Guides💡

• As I’ve been working in the financial industry for 12 years, I know how hard it can be to manage difficult situations across various roles (even if you don’t have ADHD). That’s why I’ll be releasing a twice monthly podcast on Substack, where I talk about navigating the corporate behemoth with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, so that others can learn from my challenges. I’ll be going through real life stories where my symptoms have been at their worst across a variety of business type roles, followed by tips that helped me and lessons learned

• To complement this, ADHD quick guides will be released as a visual aid to help reduce symptoms that are specific to certain jobs. These will be accessible on your phone or laptop in a time of need. Sneak peek below 👇(I’ll also be releasing the first couple for free to everyone, and there will be loads of different guides for different jobs)

Upgrade Subscription

Technology Stack Community 👨🏻‍💻👩🏻‍💻

A big part of my ADHD is getting overwhelmed and confused by technology in day to day life: cluttered websites, too many open tabs, following instructions, keeping on top of apps. It’s all too much sometimes. With that in mind, I am learning programming to build apps to help people who experience the same, so that we can feel a little more organised:

• All subscribers will get updates on how app builds are going, and everyone will also have the chance to give feedback and test it out to see if it helps your daily admin. The free apps I make will be open to all.

• Paid subscribers will get early access and 2 months free for any paid version of every productivity and time-saving app I launch (such as Tabr, which will be an app that automatically organises all of your open phone/laptop tabs).

• You can follow along with me programming from scratch whilst having a 9-5 here (it’s free!) 🐝

Media Corner 📚

• A new section on ADHD & Me dedicated to sourcing the latest & greatest resource ADHD resources that you can use.

And of course, my appreciation. Whether you’re a free or paid subscriber, thank you for your continued support and engagement!

What Next?

Paid content will start in November, so watch out for the usual content schedule at the start of next month to see upcoming posts relating to the above. I’m flexible, so as time goes on I’ll make tweaks to the content library / themes to align with your needs. Please leave comments / feedback!

*If you aren’t happy with your purchase you can cancel any time, and request a refund within 30 days.*

This week, and I co-authored a piece on how we manage the beast that is OCD. You can find our full free article on her Substack in the link below. Don’t forget to subscribe to Hattie’s page! 👇

Novice Writing

OCD & Me

This week’s issue of Novice Writing is a little bit different. I am collaborating with Jordan from ADHD & me. When I first joined Substack, Jordan was one of the first people that I connected with. He writes so openly about his experiences with ADHD, depression and anxiety in a way that is accessible and interesting for everyone, even those without a diagnosis. …

Read more

3 years ago · 2 likes · 1 comment · Jordan Moloney and Hattie

For those who want to read my OCD piece on its own, scroll below Jack Black.

Over and out!

OCD & Me

It’s summer. Bright and blue, 25 degrees. The smell of freshly laid tarmac wafting over, the ‘chugugugu’ sound of nearby roadworks, and general hum of after work drinkers, tourists, and people going about their day. Heading off to a social engagement, I dropped some of my ADHD medication by accident in the middle of a busy road. It was 20mg of Vyvanse, and I picked it up and scurried along the road like a hermit crab to escape chaotic London traffic.

Thinking nothing more of such a mundane occurrence, I arrived at my destination and ordered a Moretti to see off a busy week.

But then.

‘What if you didn’t pick up all the medication?’

Wha-…

‘Ya know, what if you missed one capsule. What if a kid walks over the crossing and picks it up’

Don’t be so ridic-

‘No, no, no. You know that’s possible. It literally has a possibility percentage. It could happen. The kid could pick it up, eat it, and die. Your tolerance of ADHD stimulants as an adult is not the same as a child, and it will be YOUR fault’

Umm-ing and ahh-ing mid mental conversation, I decide decisive action is required for such an emergency. I leave the pub and walk across the crossing where the crime was committed earlier. To my surprise, there is no medication astray on the floor.

This was in May earlier this year. Whilst I was able to temporarily alleviate my intense paranoia, that wasn’t the first or last time I’ve come face to face with the Satan’s snake of a mental disorder that OCD is.

• Worrying people not liking me

• Accidentally cheating in a relationship

• Not seeing my boss for a few weeks and thinking I’m going to get sacked

• Accidentally committing a crime

• Checking the door is shut 3 times

OCD takes many forms. It isn’t just checking actions (although this is a component), it’s unpleasant / intrusive thoughts about pretty much anything. Personally, mine is most aggressive with relationships and losing medication, incurring untold death upon the UK population.

It’s quite easy to take an objective outsider view of my experience back in May. EVEN if I did miss one capsule, the likelihood of the scenario I created in my head was next to zero. OCD doesn’t work like that. The probability of your worst fear can be 0.0000001%, yet that slim chance still dominates any rational thinking.

I only realised I had OCD when I spoke to my therapist about these debilitating ruminations earlier this year.

The Evil Phone

Like I do with depression, anxiety, and ADHD, I’ve metaphorized OCD to give it some opaqueness and trick my mind into realising it’s not so scary after all.

OCD is an evil version of my iPhone. It takes glee in barraging me with unwanted messages and notifications of my transgressions. If I don’t look at the phone itself, it has the ability to extract its Siri voice into my brain until I take action to soothe the echo.

I liken engaging with OCD thoughts to fanning a flame. The more I try to blow it away, the more intense the fire gets, eventually eroding my mental infrastructure to ashes. However if I leave it alone and quietly leave the room, it diminishes over time.

OCD is a spider in a web, a bad acid trip, and a stuck record player all at once. It takes carefully coordinated moves, willpower, and presence of mind to evade its clutches.

How I Manage

Avoidance

• Picture this - there are 2 doors in front of you. Door A is labelled the ‘Face Eating Leopard Room’, and Door B is labelled the Normal Room. You need to make a choice. If you knew a face eating leopard was in the first room, would you pick it? Unless you are an actual leopard, I’m assuming no.

• As easy as it sounds, knowing what my metaphorical leopards are and avoiding situations where they present themselves is something I do (where possible). For example, if I go on a trip and know I might worry about dropping my medication, I will put them securely in a washbag, in a rucksack as opposed to my jean / short pocket.

• However, OCD being the crafty bugger it is, there are sometimes triggers which I cannot avoid. This leads me on to…

Ignoring

‘But Jordan, this sounds similar to Avoidance?’

• Correct, but the difference is context. I use Avoidance to completely remove any chance of exposure to my OCD triggers. However ignoring can be used when you’ve already been exposed, and the virus has started to get its claws into your cerebral cortex (sorry, it doesn’t actually do this but it helps describe how awful it is).

• How do I do this? I still acknowledge the thought exists, but from afar. Think of it like watching some traffic from a distance. I can either get really close and try to actively dodge the cars, or I can stand on the side of the road and reduce the chances of getting hit. It’s the same principle. I’m still aware I’ve got some mental traffic building up, but instead of engaging, I notice it, label it as ‘OCD’, and don’t feed it.

• Instead, I’ll do something else for 15 minutes; gym, washing up, some work, a walk (this is a great one). Usually the intensity of the intrusion subsides - this opens the floor quite nicely for…

Delay, Delay, Delay

• Sometimes it’s impossible to avoid (Door B has vanished), and hard to ignore (Door A still has the Face Eating Leopard). In this case, how do I survive?

• Delay engaging / discussing the thought until another point in time. Like my previous point, this could be 5 minutes or 5 days - the key is I set aside a specific time to worry about the OCD thought and wait until then.

• This does 1 of 2 things. Either:

  • The thought subsides, and I forget it was even an issue

  • I still remember it, but I’m better equipped to rationalise the thought with techniques such as CBT / logical thinking (please do speak to a medical professional on how best to employ this though)

• I’ve had plenty of times where OCD has popped up, and I made a promise to myself to wait until the next therapy session to discuss it. Sometimes I forget, sometimes I discuss and we go through the necessary techniques to reduce the intensity. If you knew you had a Leopard Taming Device arriving in 2 days, surely you’d wait it out before going through the door?

(You have food and water for the duration, so don’t worry)

Final Thoughts

The trouble with my OCD is it never truly goes away (for me). Even if I eradicate one obsession, it will find a way to latch onto something completely different. Sometimes they’re completely inconsequential, sometimes not so much and they disturb the very fabric of my being. The subject doesn’t matter. It can always be debilitating.

If you know someone with OCD, or talks about something like it, please show empathy and listen.

You just might help them delay enough.

I’d love to know more about your experiences of OCD and what works for you? Leave a comment below to join the discussion…

Review Criteria 🔍

1. User Interface: Is the app easy to navigate? Is the aesthetic simple, pleasing and not overwhelming? 🖥️

2. Effectiveness: How well does the app help in managing my ADHD, anxiety or depression symptoms? 🎯

3. Features: What features does the app offer? Are they unique or better than the other app? 📱

4. Value for money: What free or paid options are there? What is the difference and is it good value for the cost? 💰

• TL;DR = Too Long, Didn’t Read

• The amount of ⭐s I use to score apps is subjective. What works for me may not work for you!

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The Why

For new subscribers, I am reviewing this as a 29 year old male ADHD-addled iPhone user, but it will be applicable to Android users too. The benefits for you? You’ll gain valuable insights into which apps could be your ally, and which ones you may want to pass on! Let’s dive in…

Last time out, we looked at Freedom and Flora. Today, let’s hone in on the ADHD challenge of organisation, something I’ve been struggling with myself lately!

The What

Two apps I tested to clarify my cluttered cranium are todoist and Evernote. So, which app should you download? Introducing…

todoist 📱

Is a task manager and to-do list app that helps you become focused, organized, and calm. 🚀

Evernote 📱

Is a powerful tool that can help you capture and organize your notes, tasks, and schedule on all your devices. 🌼🌟

TL;DR Review (quick summary)

User Interface

• todoist: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

• Evernote: ⭐⭐⭐ + 1/2

Effectiveness

• todoist: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

• Evernote: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Features

• todoist: ⭐⭐⭐⭐+ 1/2

• Evernote: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Value for Money

• todoist: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ + 1/2

• Evernote: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Overall

• todoist: 17/20 ⭐

• Evernote: 17.5/20 ⭐

Which app is best for my ADHD symptoms? ⚡

• Improving simplicity when planning goals: todoist

• Setting reminders and due dates for free: todoist

• Prevent boredom: Evernote

Bonus scenarios ⭐

• Planning Project Management tasks: todoist

• Planning writing: Evernote

• Big creative brainstorms: Evernote

• Creating and uploading audio: Evernote

• Finding words within documents: Evernote

• Collaborating on blog posts: Evernote

Deep Dive Review (for the details people)

User Interface

• todoist: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

• Evernote: ⭐⭐⭐ + 1/2

todoist

• Layout: It’s easy to locate what you need. The ‘Today’ tab has all of your tasks for the day in an easy to read fashion, and when you go into a task you can add labels, locations, sub tasks and descriptions which are useful for detail oriented users

• Customization: change the app icon to different colours, and the layout theme to Dark, Moonstone or Tangerine in the Free mode, with pleasing Lavender, Blueberry, Kale and Raspberry in the paid version.

  I loved the Dark mode, as this reduced visual sensory sensitivity for my eyes. You can also customise the tabs to reduce or add more at the bottom, such as ‘Upcoming Tasks’ - which is useful to see what you need to do for the rest of the week

• Design: Visually attractive, with nice colors you can assign to tasks to appeal to ADHD senses. The spacing between elements on screen is simple and eliminates any chance of feeling overwhelmed, with the option of adding more modules as you please

🌞 🌑 👇

Evernote

• Layout: The layout is slightly crowded, but it also contains rich information. I did find myself getting lost scrolling though due to my inability to process complex visuals quickly

• Customization: til’ your hearts content! you can add or remove multiple useful widgets, as well as change the background banner at the top (or even use your own image). You can’t change the color on iPhone, but can switch between light and dark mode

• Design: easy on the eye with blended transitions between tabs and a Facebook-esque design, with your banner picture at the top and posts beneath

🌞 🌑 👇

Effectiveness

• todoist: 4/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

• Evernote: 5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

todoist

Staying Organised: Simplicity is beauty. Creating a new project is easy, and you can find them in the ‘Browse’ tab clearly listed with as much or as little detail as you want, with sub tasks, upload files, and more. You can assign it any hashtag to keep organised (think of it like a digital filing system)

It even has an AI feature which auto generates filters for you if you’re stuck. Recurring reminders work like a charm and notifies you outside of the app. You can also ‘quick add’ tasks to reduce the administrative burden. The pro version allows you to add task durations and add 25+ collaborators for projects too, which is helpful for its business mode and larger businesses.

Completing Tasks: You can only lead a horse to water, and an ADHDer to do stuff. The organisational efficiency and reminders, as well as amount of detail you can put on tasks means the app does everything it can to get you productive. Combine this with its features and design, and it helped me organise what I needed for this blog post well enough for a respectable 4 stars.

Here, I create a Substack folder 📁…

Evernote

Staying Organised: It’s slightly crowded UI does hamper the apps ability to help me organise information, as I didn’t know where to start. However if you get the hang of it, you can filter your thoughts in text, sketching (!), images, audio, and web content (and more!)

The different mediums available means creative ADHDers can use a variety of methods to complete tasks, run brainstorms, meetings / calls with others, email chains, and more. This is particularly useful if the written word bores you and you need extra stimulation to keep engaged in your day to day. Like me.

Completing Tasks: As above, the extra mediums to organise work keeps it fresh and engaging, especially since you can complete work within the app in long and short form documents, sketch ideas out with others, and look at web screen shots for inspiration.

It contains all of the basic functionality such as tasks, subtasks, tags and reminders (like todoist), but the different ways of completing work was particularly useful for creatives who want to collaborate in different styles, and I was able to draw an illustration of my upcoming post on OCD. The fact it’s so novel elevates this app from a simple to do list diary to a personal project management assistant.

See me sketch away…great for visual thinkers and doers

Features

• todoist: 4.5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ + 1/2

• Evernote: 5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

todoist

Basic: You can access most core features in the free version, which are creating projects, tasks, adding collaborators, and adding filters and labels to tasks. These help filter to exactly what you want to work on (see demo below) 👇

Unique Features: You can switch between different layouts, although customisation of this could be better if it allowed building your own layout rather than the 2 pre defined sets. Task durations, productivity goals which prompt you, vacation mode, and its AI tool to help you categorise tasks are unique.

If you suffer from brain fog, the AI can brainstorm tags for you to assign to tasks. If you’re off to drink cocktails on a beach, the vacation mode can prevent mental burnout as it turns off all automated notifications to ensure you get the rest you need. Cheers.

Label demo…

Evernote

Basic: Has all of the above. However customisations, due dates, reminders, and task assignment are pay walled which seems a little too restrictive if you choose to keep with the free version. ADHDers need deadlines and reminders!

Unique Features: Audio. Sketching. Long form posts. Videos. Photos. Web screen shot capabilities. You name it. Evernote has it. All are unique and useful for different user types. You can even create a full on blog or document checklist with checkboxes, dividers, and attachments - not to mention there’s an AI assistant in the free version that can reformat your notes, which I found useful when pushed for time. If you struggle with time management, formatting content, or need a changing routine to keep interest, this app delivers.

(Demo! Below! 👇)

Value for Money

• todoist: 4.5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐ + 1/2

• Evernote: 4/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

todoist

Free: allows you access to most of its core functionality, however unlimited use of its AI tool, task durations and adding collaborators are pay walled. The value for todoist’s free version is better than Evernote, as you can still add due dates and reminder notifs without paying.

Paid: To upgrade, it is £47.99p/a or £4.99 p/m - just under a full beer in London 🍺 if you intend to use this app for work planning, oversight and action, the cost is outweighed by the benefits of unlimited use and simplicity.

If you prefer to change your routine up, work on collaborative projects, or need help with formatting, Evernote’s paid version is better value for money. This is due to the latter’s abundance of features and creative options.

Evernote

Free: It’s disappointing that you cannot add due dates and reminders, or customise the landing page at all in the free version - in this respect, the free mode is inferior compared to todoist.

Paid: personal is 8.99 p/a, professional is £13.49 p/m. 2 and 3 pints respectively. It is on the steeper side, and you kind of need the professional version if you are a business, or work with a lot of other creatives (meaning they’d need to sign up too).

If you need to do a big brainstorm or collaborative work, this option is worth it. For blog writers (like Substackers!), the personal version is the better option as you can customise, connect your calendar, and add due dates and reminders which are essential to getting work done.

The fact Evernote’s basic functionality isn’t freely available is a downside, but the features are rich and have so many applications for everyday blog writers and businesses alike.

Overall

• todoist: 17/20 ⭐

• Evernote: 17.5/20 ⭐

Which app is best for my ADHD symptoms? ⚡

• Improving simplicity when planning goals: todoist. Use this if you’re fine with editing and keeping your goal management system simple with the written word.

• Setting reminders and due dates for free: todoist. You can get these in the free version, whereas they’re paid for Evernote.

• Prevent boredom: Evernote. The different ways to not only track tasks but work on them in different ways elevate this from a simple to do list checker, to a work planning AND doing tool.

Bonus scenarios ⭐

• Planning Project Management tasks: todoist. Easy and effective, with ability to assign to others.

• Planning writing: Evernote. The AI assistant is very useful in formatting your words.

• Big creative brainstorms: Evernote. Sketch, record, checklist, to do list, or mind map til’ your hearts content.

• Creating and uploading audio: Evernote. Has the functionality to upload audio.

• Finding words within documents: Evernote. Content search available, so you can find documents with certain words in. This is useful if you need to find something specific or remove a certain phrase.

• Collaborating on blog posts: Evernote. The long form notes you can create, along with all of the bold, italics, and underline capability, as well as inserting photos, file uploads etc., means this is the master of the blog.

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And that brings us to the end. Have you had a different experience? Anything I’ve missed? What apps / criteria do you want me to review next time? Do you want me to do something differently? Leave a comment or reply via email!

Stay tuned for the next App-solutely! review in November! 📆

*Disclaimer: this review is based on my own personal experience as someone who has had ADHD, anxiety & depression for 15 years. Please make your own judgement on how well these apps work for you, as I am not a professional, but a 29 year-old man who wants to make sense of his muddled mind!*

8. I am number drone model 67, reporting for service. 

Sounds familiar?

I must’ve repeated the above process 100s of times when remote working became the norm in response to COVID.

It was only after my ADHD diagnosis in 2022 that I afforded myself introspection of my daily habits. I did this as I knew I couldn’t just motor along without some servicing of my brain & body; my fuel tank, the brain needed more petrol (or water); the engine, my central nervous system required more routine maintenance; and the steering wheel, my joints needed more care via stretches to keep me loose.

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In the first edition of the Perspectives series, we discussed social anxiety and work-related performance. In this second post, I am collaborating with in a 2 part publication. The 1st part will cover off 4 key questions relating to the remote working rise on our ADHD symptoms, and the benefits and unexpected challenges of this reality - with the 2nd edition covering the rest.

Who could this help, and why?

• Remote workers with and without ADHD that want tips on improving energy and mindset when WFH-ing, keeping routines exciting, and how to pivot onto passions

• Anyone that’s interested!

Asmita & I,

Connected on Substack. Seeing she writes about ADHD content already, I knew our combined perspectives could shed some light on this ever-growing topic. We decided to co-author this piece on ADHD & Remote Working to share our experiences, challenges, and coping mechanisms with other like-minded individuals in similar professional environments.

Before we dive in, here’s a challenge: if you’re reading this far, try to find one nugget of insight in our answers that you hadn’t thought of before, and share it with someone who could use it!

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Using Energy & Space to Focus on Passions

Q1: As someone with ADHD, what has been the most surprising or unexpected benefit of working from home?

Jordan (JM)

“No commute equals a better sleep schedule for me. At the start of 2020, I would go to bed late and wake up late - since the start of 2023, I’ve changed it up and go to bed a bit earlier, and my body clock has naturally reset to 7am rise every day. This has helped my sleep cycle massively, which is of course extremely important for brain health, especially ones with ADHD. The reduction of sensory overload on trains and office environments helps me focus, and I am generally more relaxed and happy.

The extra time has allowed for more introspection into what I want from life career wise, and also what my passions are. I was passionless for years. I’ve always liked writing as it’s my favourite way to communicate to people who wouldn’t otherwise see this side of me. Pre-remote working era, I was consigned to a few precious hours in the evening that I just didn’t have the energy for.

That’s different now, with more space before and after work to put hand to keyboard. Most days, I spend 30 mins before work on a big creative project; whether that’s a new article, co-authored project, or a podcast - whatever sticks out as a priority in my head. I’m mindful of my energy by using my ‘flow period’ (9-11AM for me) on the biggest difference makers first thing, so I can wind down as the day goes on.

I did originally feel guilt for pursuing creative writing more - 12 years of corporate conditioning will do that. I deserve to work on my passions. In fact, I work better when I spend the extra leisure time on things I want, with energy I didn’t have before.”

Asmita (AP)

“Realizing how much energy I put into being around people for 8ish hours a day was a game changer. I simply accepted the fact that I was going to have ZERO energy by the end of the workday, so I would try to pack my mornings with dog walks, workouts, etc. Additionally, on Sunday, I would meal prep for the week because I could not be expected to make any decisions, let alone cook anything, in the evening. Socializing at the end of the day was brutal. However, after my ADHD diagnosis, I understood that I was spending a lot of mental energy masking and hiding my struggles from everyone around me.

With all this newfound energy, I have the time and mental bandwidth to pursue creative projects such as my Substack newsletter, painting classes, etc. Socializing after work is much more approachable!”

How to Keep a Routine Exciting

Q2: What is your daily work-from-home routine? How has it evolved over time?

JM

“At first it was very much winging it. Late wake ups, late bed time, I fell into a bit of a rut. 

In the last 6 months, I’ve managed to change my body clock to 7am wake ups, cold shower (not for everyone, but a good dopamine boost!). 

I go for a quick walk to get the brain warmed up, and work in 30 min time boxes, with regular breaks throughout the day. Gym at lunch if I can. However, it’s not always smooth sailing - there are times when I trudge over to the laptop immediately, or don’t do mindfulness, or no matter what I do, I’m still discombobulated.

That’s fine - as long as I take positive action 80% of the time, that’s enough. As Asmita expands on below, changing up the routine can be good for the ADHD brain!”

AP

“In classic ADHD fashion, my work-from-home routine has changed every few months, and that is OKAY! Our ADHD brains need and crave routine, but too much of it can become boring. Lately, I have been trying to wake up earlier than usual to take my dog for a walk before starting my workday around 8–8:30 a.m. Since most of my teammates are in the Central European timezone, early mornings are the only times for team meetings.

For the past year, I have been working out around noon to break up my day. However, I recently noticed that the workout disrupted my flow. Therefore, I started working out in the evening instead. Now I end my workday at around 4 pm, which gives me about two hours to work on my creative projects.

I am not sure how long this routine will last, but I am happy with it for the moment!”

Manage Time Better & Reduce Unpleasant Sounds

Q3: Are there any specific tools and technologies that have been helpful in maintaining an efficient work-from-home experience?

AP

“Okay, I have to mention my two favourite tools. 

• First, my digital alarm clock, which I use to help me implement the Pomodoro method. If you're not familiar with this technique, you're not alone. I discovered it last year while researching ADHD. If you are curious, here's an article that explains the method well. For a quick summary:

  The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method based on 25-minute stretches of focused work broken by five-minute breaks. Longer breaks, typically 15 to 30 minutes, are taken after four consecutive work intervals. Each work interval is called a pomodoro, the Italian word for tomato (plural: pomodori).

  Although I don't follow it strictly, I find that working in 50-minute intervals is more effective for me than the standard 25-minute intervals. Although I should take 10-minute breaks and longer breaks after 2-3 consecutive work intervals, I don't always do so. However, the Pomodoro method does help me focus my brain on a single task for at least 50 minutes, which is not a small feat for my easily distracted brain. 
  

• Second, a physical planner: I have a weekly routine where I write down everything I wish to accomplish that week every Monday morning. 

  While plans may change or new things may come up, having everything in one place helps me plan out my week effectively. 

  
  With my weekly to-do list in mind, I write down my to-do list at the start of my workday. Additionally, the dopamine from checking things off the list physically is unmatched!

  
  P.S.: I don't want to link a specific planner because that is a whole thing. I have tried many planners in the past. While some didn't work at all, others worked for a while before I lost interest. In fact, I tried various versions of my current planner before finding the one that works for me for now. So, it's essential to find the planner that suits you best, and don't worry if you need to change it later. 

  
  P.P.S.: If you're still jazzing up your planner with stickers in your mid-30s, that means you're absolutely killing it!”

JM 

“I’ve actually started using the Flora app since my last app review too, which helps with focus with stimulating visuals and some light hearted guilt tripping (not bad, don’t worry). Headspace is good too.

When I go into the office, my AirPods act as a buffer to the keyboard tapping, loud calls and conversations that inflict havoc on my cognitive abilities. It’s a godsend for sensory sensitivity, which often comes with having ADHD.

If you suffer with extreme sound sensitivity, I’d recommend noise cancelling headphones or earplugs if logistically possible - although some have jobs where you won’t have the freedom to use these, so regular walks outside can be a good disconnector.”

Less Distractions

Q4: How has remote work impacted your relationship or day-to-day interactions with your colleagues?

AP

“Since most of my conversations are taking place on Zoom, I find that I am able to focus better on the content of the conversation. Unlike in-person meetings, I'm not getting distracted by people passing by the meeting room or someone's body language, which allows me to be more present and engaged during the conversation. 

Moreover, I am less self-aware of my anxious movements or concerned about maintaining appropriate eye contact. This allows me to actively engage in conversations without worrying about being perceived negatively.

I've also noticed that I'm less affected by contentious conversations. The physical separation helps, but I'm also able to find the time and space to regulate myself if (and when) things get a little heated.

In my opinion, remote work has significantly improved my relationship with my colleagues. Although I am not as social as I used to be, I value the connections and casual conversations I have with my friends at work.”

JM 

“After 3 years of remote work, my anxiety got more aggressive and I felt face-to- face conversations in office were more anxious and I kept running out of things to say, almost chasing the conversation with brain fog and tripping over words. 

My solution has been gradual exposure, like you would with a phobia or fear (of spiders, although I’ll still never go near one). Since the start of 2022, I’ve put in more calls to talk to people, speak to my family and friends more, and go in to the office once a week. Social micro-dosing, if you like. I don’t like commuting because of the assaults on my senses, but getting out into the work environment definitely helped fine tune my social skills again.

As Asmita has already mentioned, focusing in Teams calls has been easier due to less distractions at home, meaning my cognitive abilities work pretty well. No chatter in the background to knock me off balance!”

We hope you enjoyed the first part of our experiences. Did you relate to any of this? What is your remote working experience? Please tell us!

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